Category Archives: kundalini

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Premonitions and OBE

After a day of furniture shopping for our sons’ new bunk bed in which we ended up buying much more (lol), I fell asleep quite quickly. Unfortunately, I woke around 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I was regretting a certain piece of furniture and worrying over some others. Typical buyer’s regret. lol

I was also annoyed by a completely clogged nose, well only one side. There is nothing more annoying IMO!

By around 5am, still unable to sleep, I gave up and opted to meditate while sitting in bed. As I meditated, though, I became more and more sleepy until eventually I turned off the light and fell asleep.

The last thing I remember is a song going through my head:

“Don’t worry, ’bout a thing. Every little thing’s gonna be alright.:

Visions of 2020

I didn’t fall straight to sleep. Instead I lingered in the in-between where I was talking to a man about things to come. I don’t remember asking to know this but, funny enough I remember wondering about what 2020 will bring a couple of days ago.

It all began as a vision. It was so clear that it pulled me out of my reverie. In the vision, I saw my step-father in a hospital bed with oxygen and other cords attached. He looked okay – not at death’s door or anything – but he was most definitely wearing a hospital gown and in a hospital bed. I knew immediately that this was a premonition. I also knew it didn’t necessarily mean he would die.

I remember discussing a scenario where my family moved in with my mom. I suspect I was looking farther ahead to when she would be a widow, living alone in her big house. I came out of this min-dream or vision thinking, “She would never agree to move.”

Then I recall a vision of a black man who was a tad gray and unfamiliar. My cousin, who recently split with her long-term and much younger boyfriend, was dating this older man and moving back to L.A. I remember being surprised because she has always talked about living in the country in her little home until the day she died. Perhaps love changes her mind? She currently lives in a double wide mobile home on family land. The home is in horrible disrepair from years of her letting pets and animals live inside with her and also not being very cleanly.

There was a scenario where my husband was asked to renovate the home and I remember tying it into the idea of moving in with my mom. I thought of our family living in the mobile home while we renovated it. It is literally a walk away from my Mom’s house.

Suddenly, I shifted into what was very obviously a lucid dream. I walked to my cousin’s house, which had been abandoned by her. Inside everything was as she left it. The first thing I saw was a fish aquarium with tons of tiny fish that looked like cats. The fish were hungry and gathering at the front. I got out some food and fed them while talking to someone about how odd it was for my cousin to just leave them and her other animals behind.

In the corner of the room was a bed. Tired, I lay down on it to sleep. When I looked up at the ceiling, though, I saw two visuals of the wall/ceiling. One was the dream scene, another was my own bedroom. I knew instinctively that this was an invitation to go OOB. I think, though, that whoever I was talking to indicated this telepathically, also.

OBE

Without hesitation, I decided to leave my body, though sleep tempted me to fall into oblivion.

OOB now, I was still talking to a man who seemed to be with me. For some reason I see him as a young black man and assume he is my cousin’s ex-boyfriend.

I fly out of the house and outside. The sensation of flying is wonderful and I hover near the barn intent on investigating my grandparent’s property while OOB which I do not recall doing often, if ever. My vision is full-on but everything is blurry and shifty.

Suddenly I am pulled upward toward the sky. I remember telling someone, “I don’t want to go up” while at the same time surrendering to the pull because I know that to fight it will likely pull me back into my body. I end up pausing over the tops of the trees.

Someone is with me and we go into a space full of people. It appears to be a party. There are people crowded in brightly lit, golden hued room but I  hear no music and they are not dancing or moving about like people in a party do. They do seem to be conversing with one another, though. I try to focus in on their faces to see if I know any of them but their faces blur the minute I try to focus. I speak to a few but get no responses. It is like they are asleep or not really there. Despite all this, I am very excited and feel like a child, curious and wide-eyed.

There is a distinct shift and I know I return to my body but I do not wake up or shift back OOB. I assume I fall victim to my exhaustion so some lucidity is lost.

Lucid Dream: Ship of Darkness and Giant Turtle Guide

The next thing I remember is being high up in the trees with others watching a scene below that is hard to recall now. I believe there are people below me swimming in clear water. The people are children and a child is with me, to my left. The entire scene is reminiscent of a fantasy book illustration. It has a very dreamy quality, brilliant colors and sparkly air that is alive with lights.

A woman to my right is instructing me to do something but I don’t remember what she tells me to do now. What I recall next is that the woman has a serpent-like, white body that moves toward me. I am drawn to her and feel that she is inviting me to join or merge with her. The energy is intoxicating and I remember hearing a female voice inviting me to come to her, telling me not to resist. I have a consideration that I am being tempted to do something “bad” but I don’t care and immediately toss the idea knowing it is not bad and fear is clouding my judgment.

I surrender to her and she wraps her tail around me, igniting my lower chakras in pleasure. I remember feeling drawn to stay with her forever but say, “I don’t want this. I want….”. What I want is a feeling that cannot be described in words.

Then I am standing with the woman at what appears to be the entry into another world. We are on the deck of a huge, black ship. The ship surges into a dark space with dark water. Inside, the ship doesn’t go far because it encounters a wall of round, black rocks. It turns back and then enters the blackness again and again, each time stopped by rocks.

I say to the woman, “There are only rocks here.” I am looking for an opening and there is a feeling that just beyond the rocks lies what I am seeking. I believe I am seeking a reunion with Self, or that is what it feel like anyway.

On the third trip into the dark waters I turn to the boat toward the rocks and get off. There is a small child with me who walks ahead of me. I only see the child’t feet, though, and at times the feet of the child shift to my own feet wearing black boots. We/I walk across volcanic-like rocks in the water. The child’s foot touches the water and a snapping turtle head pops up. Then I am watching a turtles attempt to bite my booted foot. Thrilled, I yell, “Look! A turtle! He is trying to bite my foot!”

On the other side of the rocks and water I turn back and see the turtle has grown so large that it fills up the water and towers above me. I grab onto his shell, fascinated and overjoyed to be holding onto him. I can see and feel the shell. It is very real!

The turtle disappears and someone (the turtle maybe?) hands me a penny that is the size of a basketball. I am told to kiss the penny eight times, breathing in with one kiss and out with the other. I do this, knowing that I am setting an intention for all things to work in my favor. It is my “lucky penny”. I remember breathing in deeply and kissing the penny, flipping it over, breathing out and kissing it again. The penny looks very dark like the rest of the place, as if it has been sitting at the bottom of the dark water for ages.

Interpretation 

When I wake up I know that my dream is showing me my future and giving me advice on how to handle what is to come. The darkness is the unknown. The black ship is the unknown, subconscious and perhaps unpleasant emotion. I enter it three times, each time encountering a dead-end filled with black boulders which are obstacles to progress. I do not give up and on the third try stop the boat and climb over the rocks across dark, deep water where I encounter a turtle. Turtles are wisdom and patience and this turtle feels like a guide. I am given an over-sized penny and told to kiss it eight times a certain way. Pennies are good luck and it feels that if I handle it correctly luck will be mine.

What is it I am looking for in this dark place? Well, prior to going there I am pulled into the snake woman where the Kundalini temps me. I do not resist but when asked to remain in the bliss I resist, recognizing it is not what I want. Specifically what I don’t want is the very sexually intense experience that tends to trap individuals in the lower chakras. I am shown that to find what I seek I must delve into “dark waters”. The ship keeps me afloat, though, which indicates I will not drown in the unknown but sail above it. Ultimately, I find a path through the darkness and a guide in the turtle. The penny can be luck as well as new beginnings.

 

 

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Kundalini Yoga Meditation Practice and Short OBE

It’s been a busy week and with Christmas just around the corner I expect it to just get busier. My husband is back home at least, which helps. 🙂

I’ve started a new Kundalini Yoga meditation routine and plan to continue it for the recommended 40 days. The meditations are one of many from the book I recently purchased called The Art of Making Sex Sacred. I specifically selected two meditation to help me with specific issues. The first is a meditation to work on trust, trust of others, of life and of self. The second is to assist with stress and anxiety. It is composed of breathwork, or pranayama. You take 8 deep, quick breaths in through your nose, filling your lungs completely, and then let out a long breath through your nose for 8 counts that empties your lungs completely.

Here is an example of the first meditation. You only have to do 1.5 minutes, then you can build up to the full 11 minutes:

Here is an example of the second meditation. Again, you build up to the full length.

I have completed about five days of my 40 so far and for two days now have noticed some subtle energy in my third-eye and crown when meditating. Last night the second meditation was very, very relaxing to me. I could have done if much longer than I did. Breathwork seems always to be the most relaxing to me anyway (except Breath of Fire), so I am not surprised.

The videos are an excellent way to begin practicing these meditations. This particular woman has several on her YouTube channel you can check out. I do not use the videos myself because 1. I can’t do the mediation as long as she does and 2. I find the computer prevents me from relaxing fully.

Short OBE

I’ve not been sleeping very well for about a week beginning around the recent full moon. Thankfully, last night I slept really well and this morning was gifted with a lovely OBE.

My youngest woke up crying because his leg was asleep and so I got up briefly to help him manage it. When I attempted to return to sleep I just sort of meditated and drifted into the in-between.

Somehow I found myself conversing with someone I did not see but I could hear his voice quite clearly. The last thing I remember him saying is, “Go to [look through] the blinds.”

I became aware of being able to leave my body and so I did, floating up above it and letting myself be drawn as if by an unseen force into the space next to my bed. As I floated I kept my eyes closed and just relaxed. I began to sing a song about love but I can’t recall the words now even though I remembered them for some time after coming back into my body.

I floated on my back, facing the ceiling, and finally opened my eyes just slightly to see where I was. There was a sense that if I opened my eyes I would see the bedroom and it would pull me back into my body but I still peaked out. Above me the ceiling was much higher, a dome that extended at least a hundred feet above me. The dome was filled with glass – windows I think – that sparkled with light like crystals. What is interesting is that at my level the bedroom looked like it normally does. Knowing I was very close to my sleeping body, I closed my eyes to avoid the possibility of losing such a pleasant experience.

Eventually I shifted to a more vertical position. Eyes still closed, I continued to sing and noted the quality of my voice was much more feminine and smooth than it is in the physical. It was almost angelic and there was a sweetness to it that pleased me. The words I sang were about love, a deep, connected love; Divine love.

I remembered (or maybe was reminded) of what I was told prior to exiting my body – “Go to the blinds.” I floated over to where the window was, took one finger to the blinds and opened them, intending to look through the window. Before I could look out my intent shifted as if pulled away by my Higher Self and my focus shifted within. My lower chakras began to fill with a pleasant energy that morphed into the Kundalini bliss of which I am so familiar. The energy pulled me into the physical. I lingered in my bed, eyes closed, for a while, enjoying the energy and not wanting it to end.

Song

Intent on remembering the song I was singing, I went over it and over it for as long as I could but must have been pulled into the in-between because there is a space in my memory that is lost. Then I heard something downstairs and got up quickly. When I returned to bed I had forgotten my song. Another song was on my mind, though, one that I have been hearing upon waking for a couple of days now:

The lyrics that tend to repeat in my head are: “I believe that the heart does go on”. Yet this morning the part that was repeating was, “Once more you open the door.”

It seems to me that my guide was asking me to go to the blinds, to look through them, in an attempt to show me something within myself that is always there: Love/Divine Connection/Bliss. In my OBE when I went to the blinds and attempted to look out the window I was pulled within and into the Kundalini bliss.

I also feel as if the lyrics I heard this morning are a message that my heart will be “opened” again.

 

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Recovery

I’m nearly recovered from the flu now. Unfortunately, now my oldest son has it and is home from school today with a 102° temperature. The upside to this is he is the last one to get it so when he recovers we should be done dealing with flu-symptoms.

We’ve never had the flu in our family. Honest. We don’t vaccinate against the flu, either. The last time I had the flu was my freshman year in college. Yeah, that long ago. I have to say, I prefer the flu to the stomach bug any day. Yet I’ve had the stomach bug more times than I can count in the last ten years. lol

I’ve been taking it easy as I recover. This flu lingers and the congestion and tiredness are the last to go. Yesterday was the first day that I felt recovered enough to do a little exercise. So I went for a run-walk with Monty (our mini-Aussie) and did a body weight leg workout when I got home. I didn’t feel the typical after-high of exercise, though. Instead, all I wanted to do was take a nap afterward. lol  Thankfully it didn’t last and my afternoon was very productive. I made five jars of Calamondin marmalade from the Calamondins (tiny citrus fruit) I picked off our tree. 🙂

More Healing Kundalini

Though I am sleeping well I have not been having much dream recall. My guess is that I am just too busy and stressed now with my own illness and each of my children getting the flu one by one. Have you ever tried having the flu full-on while your children also have it? Not fun!

This morning my youngest woke me at 5am. As I attempted to return to sleep I began to feel energy pooling in different chakras and various spots all over my body. The main chakra I felt it in was my solar plexus. I could feel the vortex of energy through the front and back of that area as energy felt to explode out of both sides. I could also feel energy in my neck around my throat.

Eventually the energy began to move and I could feel tendrils of it move up the right side of my body from my solar plexus to my neck and then up to my crown. It felt like hands cupping my head gently in warmth. Then I could feel it moving up my left side as well. It was much subtler and flickered in and out.

I enjoyed feeling this healing energy for a good hour.

Some information came to me as the Kundalini did its work. It seems my illness somehow assisted in clearing some blockages, specifically in my solar plexus and throat.

The healing comes at the perfect time. Tomorrow I have a consult with Bonnie Greenwell, author of The Kundalini Guide. I am looking forward to it.

 

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Kundalini Healing

I’ve been sick for a few days now with what I think is the flu. 😦 It has been bearable with a low grade fever, slight body aches, headache and tiny bit of congestion. Last night, though, it seemed to get worse and I went to bed with a fever and a horrible headache that Ibuprofen did not alleviate.

As I shifted into sleep, my headache kept waking me up and I felt really cold and uncomfortable. I requested healing, not expecting much of anything to happen. To my surprise, as soon as I asked, an energy spread quickly over my entire body. The energy was similar to what I have always called energy “hugs” but much more pronounced. The energy originated in my spine, in the center of my body just below my rib cage, and spread in waves up and down my body. When the energy got to my head and feet respectively it would shoot back toward the center of my body only to return back to my head and feet. The waves were so relaxing – but that was not the best part. The energy erased all pain from my body COMPLETELY. It was such a relief! No headache. No body aches. No chills.

The energy remained for a while and then slowly subsided. My headache and other aches and pains stayed away and I fell asleep.

I woke at least five more times throughout the night for various reasons. Usually the headache was back or I would feel uncomfortable or just generally unwell. Each time I requested healing and each time the energy waves would come, erase all pain, and I would fall back to sleep.

Fascinated, I recall considering what was happening and ended up dreaming about the answer.

Dream: Healing Trinity

I remember being shown three healing lines. They came together to form an arched inverted triangle. The triangle was gold and brilliant. When I saw it I knew that it’s purpose was healing. For some reason I attributed each of the lines to the trinity, pointing to each line and naming them – Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

Then I was at my Mom’s house explaining to her what I had learned. I was relieved and happy. My Mom then mentioned a man who kept coming to the house. He had been told to stop coming so he would send others in his place to tend to a pet he kept there, which was his excuse to keep coming. My mom told me to be careful of him because he was acting like a “stalker”.

Eventually I met the man. He had recently left the Army and was struggling to make ends meet. He was young, with dark hair and somewhat familiar. He had with him a book he was creating full of illustrations. He opened one page to show me that he had included my information on the healing trinity in it. I was shocked that he had included it without first asking me. When I looked at it, though, he had changed the drawing so that the trinity was filled with stones and resembled a stone wall.

The man spent much of the dream staring into space, What was odd is I could hear his thoughts. He was stressing over things in his life and not paying much attention to anything else. I psychically began to pick up on stuff for him and asked him, “Do you have a balloon mortgage?” He said, “Yeah, I do.” I told him, “You need to be careful with that.” He said, “Yeah, I know,” and acted a bit defensive. He made excuses, specifically that he could not find appropriate work. I suggested he work with his hands and we discussed him mowing lawns and providing handyman services. I remember feeling sad for him as the dream ended.

The last thing I said to him was, “Focus on your heart when you meditate.” He looked at me strangely.

As I woke I was thinking or hearing (not sure which), “Don’t be surprised if you have a huge heart opening.”

Considerations

When I woke I still had a headache but it was slight. The minute I began to think about how uncomfortable it was, the energy manifested, spreading up and down my spine and wrapping me in bliss. The pain vanished and I lay there thinking how amazing it was. It felt just like I had been given a strong pain reliever only it was energetic. I didn’t think such a thing was possible! But then, why not?

The dream I had seems to indicate the energy has to do with the trinity somehow. I have received similar messages in the past but never quite fully understood why.

An occult description of the Caduceus of Hermes (Mercury) is that the serpents represent positive and negative charges of kundalini as it moves through the chakras and around the spine (the staff) to the head where conscious perception occurs, the domain of Mercury the messenger. The wings of Hermes represent consciousness or Spirit. The “flow” signifies consciousness and perception–for no flow, means no lifeforce. Spiritual evolution is an ever increasing relationship with the neutral ground between the play of opposites. The Trinity is also observable in the caduceus: the helix is the Son (matter), the staff is the Father (zero-point ground) and the wings are the Holy Ghost (tangible perception of spirit). From Biology of Kundalini 

My guidance was using the trinity to explain the healing I was receiving. Did they mean that I was able to experience this instant reduction in pain because the three components – matter, zero-point ground and tangible perception of spirit – were present? Maybe?

I did not quite understand what was meant by zero-point ground. This was the explanation:

At the ground of matter there is the Quantum Field, or Void, Vacuum, Zero-point Energy. At the ground of mind and thought there is Sunyata, Emptiness, Void, Absolute Unity Being.

Whatever the meaning, I am happy to know that the trinity was present within me enough to give me relief from the pain of illness. And although I still have lingering symptoms today, I feel like I am recovering little by little.

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Kundalini Dream: Plane Romance

The last two nights I have had trouble falling to sleep. Last night it was because of having to cough. When the weather turns cold like it did recently, dropping 25 degrees in a few hours, my allergies tend to flare up causing my eyes to water, my nose to run and my throat to tickle from all the post nasal drip. The general sense I get, though, is that my sleeplessness is also from the full moon energies right now which feel pretty intense.

I had an interesting dream that woke me this morning.

Dream: Plane Romance

I was on a very large airplane (goals materializing, advancement or rising about troubles/problems) with lots of other people. I sat in a row that had many more seats than I a normal plane would. There was someone walking up and down the isle calling names from a list. It felt like we all worked together and the names were being called for the person to report or maybe get a reward or both. I can’t remember.

I sat two seats from the isle where the man was walking. There was a man next to me who was attractive but I don’t remember much about what he looked like. He was clean cut, though, with short hair that was either blonde or light brown, and had a very ordinary face, almost boyish looking.

There was a sense that he and I knew each other well and it was not long before he hugged me and we began to kiss. I could feel my lower chakras explode in a pleasurable sensation and for some reason I felt fear or concern over this and pulled away. I then left him behind and went searching for my blanket (protection). I walked all over looking for it and began to ask people if they had seen it. One woman asked what it looked like and I could not remember what color it was, only that it was big. As I told her I thought it was blue I saw a bunch of blue blankets all around me but none of them was mine.

Eventually I returned back to my seat awaiting the calling of my name, which I never heard called in the dream. The man was still there and he turned to me and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms loosely around my waist. I looked up at him, he was about a foot taller than me, and said, “I’m sorry I pulled away. The feeling you give me scares me.” He looked pensive for a moment and then said, “Oh, that’s interesting.” For a moment it seemed like he did not know what to make of what I had just told him. I got a sense that his experience wasn’t like mine.

We began to kiss again and the experience was very real, causing an increase in lucidity. I could feel him pressing himself into my hips and upper leg. My lower chakras began to erupt in a pleasurable way.

There was a loud sound, like a thump, and I jumped back for a moment. My thought at this time was that someone might see us and we would be found out. I was worried about this for some reason.

We continued to kiss passionately and my lower chakras expanded as an energy started traveling slowly upward. My second chakra seemed huge and I could feel energy entering my solar plexus.

The intensity of the energy woke me and I lingered in bed for some time feeling the strong energy in my first two chakras. I took a moment to imagine the energy rising up my spine to better distribute the energy. This helped and soon everything balanced out.

Considerations

It seems that I am resisting the K rising at this time. It is odd that my fear of being “found out” has returned. I thought I had resolved that. I use to feel very guilty about my dream “flings” and then shifted into a full acceptance of them. Once I fully accepted the experience the K was able to rise. I know I made a decision not long ago that I should stay away from the very intense, sexual K energy because it was not helpful and seemed to cause a kind of obsessiveness with it. But perhaps I need to undo that decision? Resistance is never helpful with the K. It only creates problems – physical and/or emotional – and leads to delays.

I was reminded of something I recently read in Bonnie Greenwell’s book, The Kundalini Guide. In it she mentions how the lower chakras can feel especially sexual and intense. She says some teachings suggest those who have intense energy in the second chakra tell students to go out and get it out of their system. She doesn’t really agree with this, instead she suggests using gentle practices to encourage the energy to move upward. It is clear, though, that avoidance will not help regardless.

The blanket part of the dream is interesting to me. I seem intent on finding mine. Lately I have had many dreams and OBEs with blankets in them. They seem to symbolize protection or something that provides security and comfort. When I woke and was thinking of this my guidance told me, “You don’t need that (the blanket). You are always protected.”

It is strange to me that I would think I need protection from the intensely sexual energy I was feeling. Why does it scare me? When I have felt the energy in the past I have had considerations that it is “bad” or “sinful” and that “nothing good comes from it.” My guess is that I have had past lives where this feeling/energy consumed me and caused me to respond to it in negative ways with poor life choices. I do know I have killed myself in at least two other lives because of feelings arising out of such intense sensations.

It reminds me of the early time prior to my first major rising of the K when I had many dreams and OBEs where I would be confronting this HUGE energy and avoiding it out of fear that it would “take over” or be the end of me. Over time this subsided and I shifted to embracing the energy, which did not kill me as I felt it would. So it is likely this fear is unfounded and won’t last long. Once I embrace the energy/feeling, it will transform as it is meant to.

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Almost There

I’ve been sleeping very deeply so my dreams escape me when I awaken most morning. This morning, I woke early and upon returning to bed I mentioned that I would like to remember my dreams. My request was granted.

Dream: Fish Aquarium and Peacocks in the Sky

In this dream I was inside my Mom’s house. There was a fish aquarium (emotional state, controlled situation that is safely contained),  in the corner up on a stand. I remember this was the focus of my of my attention throughout the dream. I remember going into the back room (which was there in the late 80’s and early 90s and later demoed). When I looked back I saw something was wrong with the aquarium. A dark cloud of debris (negative situation) was forming in the center. I went to take a closer look and saw that the aquarium had fallen on its side and the contents of the filter got into the tank. I immediately worked to fix it and spent a long time looking for more stable stands for it to sit on. I could not find one that was stable, though. Everything wobbled. Ultimately, I set it on the floor in the corner because it was the only way to keep it from tipping again. Still, though, the soft carpet made it wobble some and this bothered me and distracted me. There was a feeling that some kind of darkness or negativity would come in and push it over but there was nothing present to suggest anything or anyone was around to do that.

Eventually I went outside, noting the back room and the starkness of it. It was shifty and obviously there only from my memory of the past. Those times were upsetting for me being I was only 12-13 years old.

I went outside and sat by the pool, looking up at the sky. It was dark outside and the sky was a strange shade of purple mixed with gray. I think my older sister was there, or else she was mentioned. The whole time I was focused on the sky and how it shifted and tumbled as if a big storm (upset in life) was forming. As I watched the sky I saw a beautiful peacock (rebirth, renewal, hope, success) flying through the sky, only its wings never spread but remained by its side. I pointed up and said, “But look! There are peacocks in the sky! I love peacocks!”  The peacock was bright and had a bubble of light around it that broke through the stormy clouds as it streaked across the horizon.

Then my Mom was talking about taking a group of people past our back fence (barrier) into another area. I saw in my mind a group walking through trees in low light but when they reached the fence the other side was clear and bright. I recall hearing, “Once we go past the property line we will be free.”

Dream: Almost There

In this dream I was inside a room. I can’t recall any details about the room. A conversation was going on between myself and a man. He was asking me about my work/job. What I recall about my “work” was that my purpose was to sleep with men and then give them an honest accounting of my experience and let them know what they needed to improve and what they excelled at. The man speaking to me was questioning my work. I felt I needed to explain that what I was doing was helping these men so they could learn how to be better lovers. The man talking to me was convinced but upset.

I remember three men stood in front of me. I had slept with all of them and given them an honest account of my experience with them. I remember turning to an older black man and complimenting him saying he was the best of the three by far. The older man was very humble and seemed surprised by my appraisal of his ability. I remember knowing that sometimes I had to tell the truth even when it was not wanted. The example that came to mind was telling a man his genital area was unexceptional and small and that he needed to compensate for that. lol

Then just me and the man I was talking to remained in the space. I could see the man very clearly. He had messy blonde hair and wore round spectacles (clarity, insight) that were a bit too big for his face. He seemed very young to me, maybe 20s. The man was concerned still about my work and seemed to be a bit whiny and insecure about our relationship. I spent time reassuring him while kissing him and laying very close. I could feel our connection at the heart. In my memory the feeling of our connection is calming and beautiful but I can also see images, like spots of color that moved and blended and breathed. The image took the place of all other images in my memory, as if we were the color and had no bodies at all.

I lay on top of him, kissing him and telling me he had nothing to worry about. I remember that he was naked and upon recognizing this, I pulled back to take a look. He was indeed naked and his male parts completely soft. I realized he was impotent and took note of this for later. My lucidity was peaking and so I was noting things to take back with me into waking reality.

I lay back on top of him, my chest over the top of his, and continued to kiss him gently and reassure him. Our connection would spark up and spread and then die down only to spark up again. The energy felt somewhat like popcorn as it burst, rose and fell.

There was this clarity that came to me then, and I realized that my work was nearly complete. I said to him, “There’s just one more step. We’re almost there. Just one last step and I’m done.” With this is a feeling of relief, as if I was feeling what he was feeling. I could also see the progression of the path I/we had been on and very clearly the last portion of the path ahead. It was so brief a glimpse that my memory is just of a flash of a road map, as if viewed on a small paper held in my hand. There is a greenish glow to it.

When I woke a portion of a song was going through my head, “Wanna have you near me. I wanna have you hear me sayin’, no one needs you more than I need you.”

It felt as if the dream was me talking to a part of myself, the masculine aspect, who currently feels impotent and unable to effect change in the way he wants to in life. The feminine part appears to be helping others see themselves. This is her “work” and how she helps others. She is explaining this to the masculine side who is attempting to get her sole attention. The answer she offers is that she is almost finished and on the last step or stage of the journey.

Considerations

Together the two dreams suggest a period of uncertainty and powerlessness that will eventually end. This is somewhat of a relief but then endings usually mean another beginning and there is such exhaustion felt right now that I struggle to look forward to yet another beginning.

Just last night I was thinking of how my life might look if it were a chart or graph. The up’s and down’s graphed as waves and troughs. The low periods lasting much longer than the high periods. So perhaps this thought bled through into my dreams.

Health Issues

This week I had an incident that has left me a bit shaken. As you may or may not remember, in the past I have had low blood sugar attacks when working out that led to major panic attacks from the fear of passing out or worse. This all began in 2016 and has ebbed and flowed, getting better for a time only to return.

Well, on Wednesday this week I was exercising and suddenly my heart rate spiked and would not come down. I had to stop and lay down and wait for it to pass. The entire time I was taking long, deep breaths but no matter how deeply I breathed it felt like I wasn’t getting enough oxygen.

Once recovered I ate a handful of peanut M&M’s and decided to run a bath to relax but some random family things occurred that caused me to get irritated and my heart rate spiked again. This time it stayed elevated for way too long and I got scared that I would indeed pass out or worse. I called my husband and stayed close to the floor as I waited it out. My husband texted back that he was on a conference call and so I asked my daughter to bring me up some peanut butter crackers.

When eating the crackers I realized I had absolutely no saliva so had to crawl to the sink to get water. It was the strangest thing! I sat on the floor in the bathroom eating and drinking my way through about 15 minutes of racing heart, dizziness and headache until finally I started to feel more normal. By the time my husband came home I was better, soaking in my bath. It was not until then that I starting crying.

The whole experience really shook me up. Panic attacks always do but they never last more than a few minutes, max. This was over a half hour! The feeling of not getting enough oxygen was the worst part. It felt like I was drowning. Every breath a gasp for air that seemed not to fulfill my body’s need for oxygen. Heart pounding in my chest, light-headed, and terrified that if I passed out I would not wake up.

Two days later, feeling fully recovered and well fed, I attempted to workout again, going slowly through the workout and taking longer breaks. Yet still my heart began to race and I had to lay down and breathe through it. Thankfully, it lasted only a couple of minutes and I was able to complete my workout without issue. This time it was definitely panic and not blood sugar. It may make working out from home difficult from here on out as environment tends to trigger the panic. 😦

Last night I noticed my heart was fluttering a bit, which it tends to do now and again ever since my first pregnancy. Despite knowing it is totally normal for me, it made me worry a bit and my mind started racing thinking of all the “what if’s”. What if this is it? What if my body is giving out? What if all the Kundalini, OBEs and other crazy spiritual experiences have taken a toll? My heart does tend to race when OOB and sometimes I have struggled to breathe, gasping for air. My guides have even warned me that going OOB can strain the heart (or my heart anyway).

And then I thought that I would be fine if this was it. If a doctor suggests I get on medicine like my mom I won’t do it. If surgery is suggested I won’t do it. I am fine if this is the beginning of the end. I just don’t like the panic part. Maybe I can move through the panic by holding onto the thought that it is only temporary and better things await around the corner? I did decide that when open-enrollment comes around at work that I will get coverage just in case. Then, if ever I do pass out (God forbid), the ambulance and emergency room will be covered.

And I went to sleep happy with whatever the outcome.

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Dream: Showing Myself

I had a nice, quiet, lazy day alone yesterday followed by 10+ hours of sleep last night which was greatly needed. It’s not often I get a full day and night to recuperate and I took full advantage.

The previous night’s lucid dream message returned to my thoughts around bedtime. So I asked my guidance to help me pinpoint my “joy”. The dream was obvious in indicating there was a well lit path via my joy and I don’t want to waste anymore time getting on it. The answer was provided before I shut my eyes but I was in a bit of denial. This morning, not so much, but I understand why I have been delayed as there is a lot of change involved….and courage.

Very few things have brought me consistent joy in this life. The first that always comes to mind is singing. I love to sing! Yet I have not done much of it since getting married and having children. When I was younger I wanted to become a professional singer. That way I could make money doing what I loved. That path didn’t pan out, though. It was made clear time and time again that I wasn’t good enough to earn the kind of living I wanted. So I decided to keep my singing to myself and follow the path suggested by everyone close to me: teaching.

I did find teaching enjoyable and fulfilling at times, but not consistently.

Then I had my spiritual awakening and everything changed. Never had I felt so passionate about something, not even singing! But the timing was off. The world hadn’t awakened yet and once again I didn’t have what it took to earn the kind of living I wanted.  So I gave up and once again took the logical, easier route – teaching.

And then teaching became a drudgery. It nearly destroyed me. So I quit and went another logical route – counseling. I made good money and had the stability and safety of a good job. But then that, too, did not fulfill me.

In the midst of a safe, stable counseling job I met the Kundalini and had yet another spiritual awakening. This one was – is – much more transformative than the first. And, like before, never have I experienced such joy…or passion.

So, prior to bed I recognized that of all the things I have done in this life, the only thing that consistently brings me joy is the spiritual and spiritual transformation via the Kundalini. Therefore, to follow my joy I need to explore the Kundalini more – go down that rabbit hole. I am not sure of the “how” yet, but I am working on precisely wording what it is I want the Universe to give me. When I have that perfected I will set the intention and see what it brings me.

Courage to change is not one of my strong points. I usually have to be forced to make difficult changes. I can’t say that won’t be the way it goes this time but hopefully I can avoid traumatic change and go the more gradual route.

Dream – Sleeping Bag

I was traveling down a country road with two girlfriends. We were searching for a new home. There was discussion along the way about how to go about maintaining the romantic three-way connection we had (refers to me and two others). I remember saying I felt uncomfortable with the idea and did not see it working out. At the time I had with me a sleeping bag (have to leave my comfort zone) that somehow ended up in a ditch (obstacle, feeling pressured, needing to get out of a bad situation) and was swept away by flood waters (high emotion).

We ended up camping (facing stress and pressure in life) in a nice spot. It was very green and had everything we needed (security, safety). I wanted to keep going because the spot was not what I had imagined our home to be like. I wanted mountains (spiritual journey) and there was none. The other two women were set, though, so we stayed.

Then we noticed a community of people already occupied the spot. It was a strange group which reminded me of the Amish. We encountered a group of the men trying to pull of a huge gourd vine full of mature gourds (abundance, prosperity). We watched them for a while and eventually revealed ourselves to them.

We were invited inside and I was shown a large green cloth. I realized straight away that it was my sleeping bag (have to leave my comfort zone). Inside the cloth was my folded up bag, completely dry!

For a while we all lived together and planted an impressive garden made of plants I have no name for. Everything flourished (personal and financial growth) but I was still searching for my ideal home. I told my girlfriends I was leaving.

I ended up outside a hotel (paradigm shift) in Georgia with a man who I knew to be my husband. I was thirsty so went to buy some soda. Two men came out of the hotel. One told me the machine was broken but offered to buy me two sodas (options). The other man stood to my left and just behind me. I got a creepy feeling from him, like he wanted to have sex with me, but he kept his distance.

I was given the sodas and asked for money to pay for them. I handed the man a $20 bill. He gave me back $10 and told me I could get the rest if I opened a checking account (investment needed) with them. I remember thinking I had just been scammed and considered just taking the loss.

I began to talk to the other guy about Virginia and Georgia. I told him I use to dream of meeting the man of my dreams who I called – my Virginia man. lol I also told him the same about a man in Georgia. I mentioned the man in Virginia was like Nicolas Cage but now that he was older he was like an old Nicolas Cage and not very attractive. I couldn’t recall who the man in Georgia looked like.

The last thing I remember is looking over and seeing the man who I knew to be my husband sitting on a black mat with several dumbbells (feelings of guilt or burden) around him. He looked to be counting them.

Dream – Showing Myself

This dream was almost lucid but I was so tired I never fully recognized I was dreaming.

It began outside my mom’s house. I was with some others – family I guess – and had a box in my hand. Somehow I realized I could float around on the box. The first time I went up quite high and told someone (probably my guide) to keep me closer to the ground. I then showed the others what I could do.

There was this small jet plane (feeling threatened), about six feet wide, that was coming in to attack my family. I remember it was blue and white and looked like something from the US military. I got on my box (it resembled a yoga block) and flew around hiding behind trees.

From up high I noticed someone up by the fence and flew up to him. He was dressed in military camo. I saw a group of cows (docile, need to belong) milling about in the road. I said, “Looks like someone’s cows got out.” The man nodded, not even noticing I was floating.

As I turned to leave I was once again on the ground. I tried to lift off and fell on my face. I walked with my mom and began to hop until I was once again able to fly. Suddenly fearless, I decided I wasn’t going to hide from the military and turned back toward the road which was now full of infantry men and women trying to round up the cows. I flew over them and they looked up. I felt triumphant.

Considerations

The first dream seems to be a typical dream where I am sorting through thoughts and feelings. The second dream is a usual lucid/OBE type dream where I am practicing doing something that in real life I struggle with. In this case it is confronting my fears despite repeatedly “falling down” (failure). There is fear of being seen coming up in the dream and a fear of being “caged” per the cows getting out.

It seems like fear in general is something I am working through. I’ve had a blockage in my solar plexus for quite some time and this is exactly where fear resides. The Kundalini has been forcing this fear to the surface. The worry and anxiety attacks are just a portion of how it manifests. Avoidance is another.

 

 

 

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Kundalini Dream – Mystery Man

For over a week now I’ve gotten into a nightly routine that starts around 8:30pm and goes until bedtime. It begins with a yoga routine I created to open my hips. The yoga lasts anywhere from 15-20+ minutes usually, depending on how tight my hips are. After that, I settled down between pillows in my bed and tune into a nightly bedtime meditation or two. Usually I spend about 20-30 minutes meditating. I have been trying out different types and have found the one that works best for me is the deep breathing meditation. When I do that meditation I often end up going pretty deep and struggle to stay with the guidance of the mediation because I get caught up in dream imagery and conversations.

Last night I did a Yoga Nidra mediation. Honestly, I didn’t like focusing on body parts so much and skipped through to the part about setting intention. The meditation asked that I just feel what my intention was and the first thing that came to mind was being free from the body, but I made sure my intention was that I wanted this to be permanent. Based upon that intention one would expect I would end up OOB but that is not at all what happened.

Dream Conversation

I remember having a conversation with someone in a dream but I can’t recall who it was with or too many of the specifics now. I do remember many different songs were going through my head, which of course I can’t remember now either. It was like the back and forth between us was in songs.

The main topic of conversation was that he (a guide I guess) was trying to convince me to not give up. He told me to leave the past in the past and look forward. My response was very depressed and pessimistic. I remember the songs I chose to respond with were about giving up. The songs he chose were about possibility and change. I wish I could remember the songs now!

Kundalini Dream – Mystery Man

The next thing I remember is being in an office-type setting in a church (spiritual connection). A woman was talking to me about the amount of time it would take for various types of communication to make it from Austin to Dallas – letters, emails, faxes and wires. I remember thinking it would take one to two days depending on the type of communication sent. I consulted with another lady in the office and she said, “Everything will get there instantly except for letters, those will take two days.”

I remember that the woman who initially asked the question had moved to Dallas recently because her husband had just died. This woman was pretty with blonde hair and a slim frame. She and her husband had been in an argument and he accidentally died. When I received this information I thought, “How convenient. She probably isn’t very upset.”

Then I was inside a dark office (too much on my mind) waiting – for what I don’t know. There was a huge computer monitor on the wall. While waiting I was still thinking of the question about communication time as I looked around at the desk and messed with the computer. I knocked over a cup full of highlighters (something being highlighted). There were more than I could count and many of them were cut in half revealing hollow, yellow tubes. There were also crayons mixed in. I grabbed handfuls and tried to put them back into the cup but the cup was cut in half (there is more work to do) as well. So I piled them all together at the back of the desk.

I accidentally clicked the mouse and a movie began to play. The sound was really loud and I could not figure out how to turn it down. When I tried to close the computer window a question came up on a blue screen with a large back arrow. I clicked it, thinking it would get me off the screen but it just played another movie really loudly. In an attempt to shut the noise off I disconnected the speaker. The sound stopped and I was relieved. Then I went to close the screen and another movie started playing and I could hear it. This surprised me and I went looking for the plug to the entire system.

That is when a man entered the room. He was hard to see but appeared to be wearing a very large coat (protection) or blankets (comfort). His head was either covered or he was very hairy. When he entered I knew to go with him.

Jeep Wagoneer

The man took me to an SUV that looked like an old Jeep Wagoneer. He communicated to me through his energy. I knew to get inside. I didn’t question it and got into the passenger seat. He climbed in and began to drive. I remember saying I had left something behind and needed to get it. When he heard this he put the car into reverse and began to drive in reverse very fast toward what looked like a gas (rest, refuel) station. He stopped suddenly as if in hurry. I readied myself to get out of the car and get what I left and he sent a telepathic message for me to stay and he would get it. I said, “You don’t have to…” and motioned to him to stay. He responded by sending an intense energy that hit me full force in the chest. The energy communicated something to me but it is hard to describe. I sat down and let him go.

There is a hazy memory of again having a discussion but it was as if I was in a trance or something. The next thing I remember is thinking, “He’s been in there a long time. I should see what’s going on.”

I got out of the car and went into the house (or gas station but it looked like a house). It was dark inside. I recall seeing a ceiling fan (indicates I feel safe/secure) in the center of the ceiling slowly rotating. A black dog (protection) was curled up by the entrance. He just looked up at me and went back to sleeping. I walked into the dark living room to the sofa. I could see someone there and knew it was the man. I went up and found him covered in a pile of blankets (protection, comfort). I leaned down to inquire what was going on and I saw his face was also covered either in blankets or a thick beard, I don’t know which. The man sent another blast of energy to my heart and I leaned closer. He said, “I love you” and then kissed me passionately on the lips. I could feel every detail of the kiss and I fell into it as my heart exploded in bliss and energy shot down into my root and moved upward, lighting my body on fire with bliss. The energy communicated so much to me. It was like I knew everything about him and his intentions within a millisecond. I remember responding by mentally saying, “Make love to me.” The images and thoughts in my mind were that I wanted to make as many babies as I could with him. lol

The intensity of the energy and my emotional response to it woke me up. The energy lingered for a while and I sat stunned by what had just happened. A song was going through my head. It was one of the songs I had used to communicate how I was feeling to the man. The part that was repeating was, “It’s too cold outside for angels to fly.” Maybe that is why there were so many blankets in my dream…..

Question

Of course, I couldn’t go back to sleep once I awoke. 🙂 The energy was swirling around for quite a while after. Sometimes it would shoot up one side and then the other side of my body, covering me in amazing, tingly energy as if I was being touched or hugged by it.

As the energy faded in and out I wondered about the man’s energy in the dream. It’s quality was unlike any I have encountered before. That’s when my guidance asked me, “How did it [his energy] make you feel?” But I struggled to answer the question. I couldn’t put it into words except to say, “I don’t know.” I was totally speechless and blown away at the time.

Now, hours later, all I can say is that when I felt his energy my immediate response was to completely surrendered to it to the point that all considerations that were my own melted away. All that was left was pure devotion and love. Yes, there was a magnetic quality there but it was not sexual. His energy was powerful – commanding even – but at the same time protective and gentle. And when he told me he loved me and a powerful shot of bliss hit my heart, my response was very out of  character. I wanted to make love – make babies. lolol The experience of this was without question the oddest part of the entire dream encounter. All I can figure is that making babies = creation.

I wanted to create with him.

And just his mere presence in the dream caused me to follow him. There was no questioning, no resistance. He came, I followed. I could feel his energy as if it was speaking – no beckoning – to me. There is no denying what it said, though words don’t do it justice. It was like his energy triggered something in me – recognition maybe.

Who was the man? I have no clue. Most likely just a guide. He was hidden from me the whole time. He looked huge to me, though. His size was impressive as was his energy. It seemed like he had a beard but I don’t know. He was always covered in shadow and blankets. My best guess is he wanted me to know I was safe and protected, which is why I saw him this way.

Oddly, I woke to my monthly flow five days early. Yay. 😦 I guess it is not really that unusual. The K seems to “flow” with my monthly cycle. I am not feeling very well, though, so am taking it easy today.

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Progressing on a Gradient

I’ve been tired the last few days. My sleep has not been very restful because of frequent wakings. It seems to coincide with a tremendous geomagnetic storm that was hitting the Earth around the 5th of August. Thankfully, last night I slept so well that I barely have any memories of dreamtime and woke feeling much more rested.

My birthday was on the 4th. As usual I was not very celebratory. For almost a decade now, when my birthday comes around I try and just let it be a normal day. The last thing I want to do it focus on getting another year older especially now that it feels like each year passes so quickly without much being accomplished. This year was no different and brought quite a bit of sluggish apathy as I recognized that once again I had let another year pass without doing much of significance.

Since then I decided that I would try and do more with my life this year. My husband gifted me a boudoir session toward the end of the month. I ask for it for my birthday because I want to document how I look before the last remnants of my youth and vitality fade away. I’ve been working very hard on my physical body for the last year to improve muscle imbalance and “sculpt” it back into shape. My work is paying off and I am very proud of what I have accomplished. To me, my success demonstrates that the aging process can be slowed and even reversed if the person has the right mindset and isn’t afraid of a little hard work. I find it interesting how frequently people go into apathy over their physical body – appearance and function – allowing it to fall into disrepair. I do not intend to be like everyone else.

Another idea that came to me was that I wanted to start doing things that I have put aside for one reason or the other. One of those things is to visit Greece. I have long been drawn to that part of the world and when asked where I would travel if I could, Greece has always been my answer. So I started looking into taking the whole family there. We will see what comes of it.

Spiritual Movement

Earlier in the week, during one of my many wakings in the night, I recalled with great clarity being told, “I will come for you.” The memory was completely audible. I could hear the masculine voice as if I was experiencing hearing it in the present moment only I knew it was a memory. Yet I have no clue when the memory was made. With the memory came this odd feeling as if I was being triggered or awakened to some part of myself that lay dormant until this message was passed on. The whole experience left me feeling a tad freaked out because of how real it was. It was as if I had somehow removed myself from Time but since my physical body exists within Time the only way to process it was as a “memory” of some previous event.

My way of handling it was to forget about it and write it off as yet another weird experience in the life of Dayna.

Then, couple of nights ago my guidance began to make themselves known. Through dreams, messages and conversations in the in-between, they have been discussing with me my current spiritual dilemma and how to move through it. The final decision has been that I prefer to take the next step on a gradient so that the intense fear that arises from certain emotions can be confronted and handled.

The same night I agreed to continue at a slower pace, the Kundalini visited.

I woke up in K-bliss that seemed to happen on its own. It was uncontrollable and without warning, rising quickly and intensely. Then, afterwards, the energy in my lower chakras swirled and churned for a while after. The solar plexus was strongest but I could feel the distinct ache I often feel in my 2nd chakra as well. I lay there enjoying the feeling as it was not super intense as it has been in the past. The energy moved all the way up to my crown more than once, but slowly, like a trickle, and felt cool and liquid like water.

As I lingered in the energy, I shifted in and out of the in-between. Out of the blue I began to audibly hear a voice to my left whispering to me. It was a man’s voice and though I cannot remember the first sentence he said, I do remember the last two.

He said, “You need to educate yourself.” Long pause.

Then he said, “My name is Chris [by the way].” The brackets are for the part I heard as I recognized I was being spoken to.

This brought me out of reverie somewhat and I asked him, “Why are you whispering?” A thought came to me from him that said, “You heard me didn’t you?” I knew he whispered because a whisper causes one to focus more on listening.

I asked, “What do I need to educate myself about??” When I didn’t hear an answer I said, “Show me, then.”

Dream – Bone Cancer

It took me a while to sleep afterwards, which is not unusual considering what just occurred. I recall meeting up with two women – a mother and daughter (aspects of Self). We were in a hospital (healing) but the room seemed like a conference room (meeting to discuss current state). The mother and daughter felt like good friends as well as relatives. There was a very strong bond and dedication between them.

The younger of the two took care of the older even though she was also ill. Turns out their illness was bone cancer (doubts and negativity delaying spiritual progress). The mother was losing use of her arm, the bones cracking (major doubt/delay) on their own and causing her awful pain. The daughter was not in pain yet but had the same future of pain ahead of her. There was no cure.

I recall talking to them about exercise helping to cure. I said something about 30 minutes a day curing a young man I knew. They did not believe it would help them, though they listened as if they were considering the option for themselves.

I watched the younger of the two come up to the older one with a sling (providing support). The older one went to the wall and held her broken arm up against it, wincing in pain. The younger one was to put the sling over both arms to hold them steady. I remember trying to help but the younger lady wanted to do it.

There was an overflow of emotion coming from me at this point. The situation was very sad and I was crying for them both.

There was an energetic shift in the dream and it was as if time had passed, enough that the mother had died and the daughter, much older and resembling the mother, was still alive. I went to talk to the daughter and she filled me in on what had happened. As she told me about her mother’s death I broke down sobbing.

The crying woke me up and I was left wondering what the dream meant. Was this what my guide was showing me about his message?

When I shifted into the in-between I saw a scenario playing out between myself and a man who seemed familiar to me. We were together and had successfully come into Union, practicing tantra and teaching others about it as well. This flash of a vision woke me fully and I thought to my guidance, “Do you mean I need to educate myself on the Kundalini and Tantra?” It felt right but then I felt instantly pessimistic about it because or how ridiculously “out there” the whole idea was.

I was reminded of a message I saw on FB about the stages of sexual awakening written by a Tantrica:

Image may contain: text

Part of the vision I saw seemed to feel like it was showing me that I could be a teacher to others. I wondered about that but I know that often I am just shown potential futures and even more often I am just dreaming.

Not long after this I recall being told by my guidance, “You don’t have much time.”

As far as what these messages relate to, I can’t be certain. It could just be that I came here to learn – educate myself – and that I am not taking the best advantage of it as I could be.

Bone cancer suggest that some negatives ideas are brewing in my spiritual setting, I have trouble getting rid of doubt and negative thoughts. A broken bone symbolizes serious doubts about my path.

This morning, though I don’t remember my dreams, I remember the Kundalini rose while I was sleeping. All that is left is an echo of what was but it is still there, like I can taste it, if that makes any sense. Whatever happened it was a major event but surprisingly I do not regret the memory being faint. It feels like it needs to be right now.

Considerations

Rather than jump to conclusions about what the above could mean, I have just been allowing and continuing to live my life. There is no point in trying to analyze what it all means because I have been having doubts about my path and feeling quite negative about my future and what it holds. I simply do not have any desire to live life as I have been but I do not know how else to live it. The thought of continuing to do what I was taught I should do – have a family, work a job to pay bills to acquire more “stuff”, etc. – feels so empty to me. I’ve done all that and it has not brought me fulfillment or happiness. If anything I feel trapped. Since I don’t know how to move beyond this the only option I feel that is left is to continue as is until I am allowed an exit point.

 

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Weekend of Clarity and Well-Being

This weekend has brought with it clarity and a feeling of well-being. 🙂

Friday night I went to Beck’s Night Running Tour at the Austin 360 Amphitheater. The main reason I went was because Cage the Elephant was going to be playing. Spoon was also there but I saw only the last portion of their concert.

Overall, my favorite was, of course, Cage the Elephant, despite Beck’s performance and sound being so much better. I just don’t vibe with Beck very much. He’s – unique. lol But so is Cage the Elephant. The lead singer, Matt Shultz, was wearing bright pink/purple parachute pants and a black bee keeper’s mask at the beginning of the show. Then he put on a black hockey mask. Then he started stripping on stage (lol). At the end he climbed on top of a tower close to where I was sitting while Queen’s “We Are the Champions” was playing. By this time he looked completely naked but he was wearing a skin toned body suit. lolol Definitely a memorable performance!

 

Spoon just finishing up.
Cage the Elephant portion of concert.
Matt Shultz wearing parachute pants at beginning of performance.

I didn’t get home until past midnight and I was so wired that I didn’t get to sleep until after 2am. Oh well. It was worth it.

The best part of the whole experience was that I did not experience even one panic episode. As you can see from the pics, there were hundreds of people there and we were packed pretty tightly. So, no anxiety was refreshing.

This song was the one playing during the pic of the purple colored stage. I woke up this morning with the part, “Time, flies by, they all sang along…” going through my head.

Signs and Syncs

The next day – yesterday – I woke up after only 4 hours of sleep. I had a busy day but thankfully the lack of sleep didn’t bother me. I took the kids to my Mom’s house for a visit and we had a wonderful time swimming, eating and enjoying each others company.

I took my mom fresh veggies from our garden to include baby sweet peppers, cherry tomatoes and a massive watermelon. When we cut open the watermelon we were surprised to find it had yellow flesh. I didn’t know I bought that kind of seedling!

During the visit some interesting things happened. First, my mom told me they had killed a massive snake. She showed it to me. It looks to be a huge King snake. I told her she should have let it live. 😦

IMG_5544.jpg

Then there were hummingbirds everywhere and it seemed they came to visit at really coincidental times.

Finally, on the way home we encountered tons of deer and it was still quite early for them to be out. They would not move so I took a video and caught the lone buck, antlers still covered in velvet, on camera. Sorry, I can’t post the video but he was an eight point (four point for you northerners). Very beautiful and majestic.

Then, as I drove home, I was very relaxed and calm. Usually – well lately anyway – I get nervous when I am driving because of all the panic episodes I’ve had while in the car. This time I felt very similar to how I use to feel when I would have spiritual experiences in the car. It was very nice!

This morning I knew the signs from the trip to my Mom’s house are reflections of my state of being. The dead snake is the most significant because I decided that I am done with following the Kundalini like I have been. It is clear to me now more than ever how the K comes to reveal the hidden in unexpected ways. I had thought I was meant to follow it and the feelings it brings but I realize now that “follow” is all wrong. Observe is better. Under no circumstances should I (or you) assume anything about what is being observed. Do not seek out the positive feelings, but allow them to pass without attaching to them. Avoid connecting those feelings to a specific person for they (the person) is not the cause but a reflection.

Hummingbirds are courage, determination and flexibility. Deer are spiritual authority, regeneration, and watchfulness.

Dream: Louisiana Cats

I was learning about a native people’s in Louisiana who were cooperating with colonists to save an endangered big cat (the feminine) species from extinction by offering it a safe place to live. The cat was often misunderstood as vicious and dangerous to people, when in reality it was passive and no threat at all. The cat looked fierce enough but it had no claws and did not hunt for food like most big cats. Instead, its actions were very similar to a deer – quiet, reclusive, and sensitive to its environment.

The majority of the dream was me listening to the story about the long ago past, during Colonial times and well before many of the states of the U.S. existed. I watched as two peoples came together for a common cause – protecting the endangered big cats. The Natives had tattooed bodies and faces but were gentle peoples. The colonists cared about the land and animals, striving for peace and community.

I recall seeing the land that is now the state of Texas. Part of it was covered by the color red (anger, aggression, passion) – the southern, central, and eastern parts. I was told a tropical storm (swift change, warning) or hurricane by the name of “Heather” was coming. I saw the red zones extend into the southern part of Louisiana. Then I saw the faces of the big cats which resembled female lions (timing, power). These quickly shifted into visions of spotted fawns (silence, mediation, solace) being licked by their mothers and an entire herd of does and newborn fawns. The visual was focused on the fawns and the mothers were use their heads to encourage them to stand.

Dream: Cat and Mouse

I was walking along a country road with my mom and three children. It was hot. The sun was high in the sky. Tall, browning grasses covered the sides of the road. A country house and farm was off to the right, the gravel road and roofs of the structure there the only thing visible.

As we walked a tiny, dark brown mouse (timing, observation) ran ahead of us. He felt like a pet and I kept watch over him as he scurried along. At times I feared he would be eaten by a bird of prey flying over head, especially when he ran out into the open. Overall, he felt important. I definitely cared about the little mouse.

Then I noticed an old tree, bare of leaves, its branches covering half of the road and casting shade over all of us. I heard a scratching sound. It was really loud. I looked up toward the noise and saw a huge Mountain Lion (feminine, the Kundalini) sharpening its claws on the tree. I grabbed my phone and began to take a video. The big cat saw me and I got nervous, backing away and getting farther and farther from my mom and kids who were still standing below the tree.

I kept videoing and the mouse, which was ahead of me now, was lost from view. I remember thinking, “He will be okay” but worrying about him nonetheless and hoping he was safe. My focus was now on my children and their safety. I yelled at them to hurry and they did but my youngest lagged behind. I knew at any moment the big cat could pounce. I wondered if I should make noise to try and scare him away but something told me this cat was different. He was hungry.

Interpretation

The feeling when I woke from these dreams was that I was reviewing the decision I made about the Kundalini energy. The first dream seems to be about the Divine Feminine and Kundalini energy itself – the misunderstanding, history and protection of it. Storms are always warnings. In this case it has a name and I wonder what exactly the symbolism of that name is. The shift from cat to deer has me wondering if I am seeking to emulate the characteristics of the doe and her fawn (mom and baby).

The second dream is very obviously about the threat I feel from the Kundalini energy. I am in protective mode, specifically of my children. The little mouse is interesting to me. I seem to love it and want to protect it. My best guess, based on the below info, is that it symbolizes my fear of something bad happening to my family because of the Kundalini.

Mouse as a totem – Mouse people know the greatest value in life is having the family together in one place. They don’t find happiness in material things. They are adaptable and goal-oriented.

Mouse dream symbol – can be a message to be careful and be on the lookout for something up and coming that could tempt you or be harmful to you (or your family).

The cat is hungry in the dream. This means the Kundalini is not finished. It is still lurking, ravenous.