Tomorrow is the funeral for the man who set himself on fire in our old family home. My husband wants to attend but I have mixed feelings. Mainly I am hesitant because I don’t like funerals and didn’t know the man very well. However, I have also had a sense that this man is hanging around just outside my energy field. There comes with this sense thoughts of the fire, of him, of the circumstances of his death, etc.
Last night, in fact, he was close enough that I recognized him and heard him asking me to help him communicate with his wife because “she is in so much pain.” I told him I didn’t think it would help her at this time, especially if she is not seeking it.
He wouldn’t go away and I began to feel very concerned because his energy made me feel strange. He was telling me that he did not deserve what “heaven” had to offer him and I tried to tell him he did deserve it. I enveloped him in white light and he tried to resist it but eventually he allowed himself to experience some of it. I told him to be at peace he needed to accept the light. He thanked me but did not leave. I don’t think he is earth bound, at least not in the sense that some who pass become, but he could be at risk for it if he continues to reject the light.
Some of my dreams of late have been indicating that the use of my spiritual abilities will come up for inspection. Mediumship has been the most frequent sign from the Universe. Not only have I sensed the man but have also been asked in a FB group many questions about my gifts lately. With all the other strange things happening to me, I find that I have an illogical fear connected to tapping into my gifts again. I fear it getting out of control for some reason.
Anxiety Again
I had a really strange bout of anxiety a couple of mornings ago. It was the day I had two OBE’s (last post) and did not get much sleep. The coffee I drank was stronger than usual and made me feel loopy and fatigued. It reminded me of the jet lag only not as severe.
I did research on caffeine sensitivity and I have about every symptom listed. As a person gets older their sensitivity to caffeine can increase to the point of intolerance. The Kundalini also can make a person intolerant of stimulants like caffeine.
So, I decided to go back to half-decaf and wean myself off coffee. At this point it is the only thing I can do to exert some control. Hopefully it will lessen this very “wide open” feeling I’ve been having for a while now.
Kundalini
Along with all of the above the Kundalini has become more active again. Last night it awakened me in the middle of the night. It was not the bliss kind of Kundalini this time. Instead it was intense energetic healing to my sacral and solar plexus chakras. It was so strong that I often found myself holding my breath at times.
At one point the energy was very noticeable along my left side. It felt like it was following a channel up the left side of my spine. It spread all the way to the top of my head and the tips of my toes.
The energy lasted for much longer than I wanted and I finally told my guidance I was too tired and to tone it down so I could go back to sleep. They did as I asked.
Concerns
I have been feeling “off” and this has been going on for quite a while now. My dreams lately cause me to think I am interacting with different timelines. I often wake up confused or have periods of amnesia both within my dream and after I wake. The dream snippets I recall usually have multiples of the same person or are of me selecting specific paths to view the outcome.
My husband leaves on business travel next Wednesday for an unknown period of time. This worries me a bit because the last time he was gone I had so many panic episodes. As it is, I am sometimes feeling like I am barely hanging on to my sanity. I pray that it all settles down soon.
Yesterday had a particular quality of energy to it that followed me throughout the day. Maybe it was the awful news from the day before reminding me that death comes to us all, but I could not shake the feeling that time was ticking away.
A memory of something I was told close to a decade ago came back to me. I was sitting on the porch of our old house. My guidance asked me, “If you only had 10 years left to live, what would you do differently?” After a brief consideration I answered, “Nothing.”
With this was a nagging memory of the dream from the night before indicating a 6 month time frame. It made the feeling of time ticking away that much stronger. I tried to think what year it was that the question above was asked. How old was my daughter? What events do I remember around that time? I can’t recall and my journals do not mention the question. That means it must have been between 2009-2010. That means the 10 years is fast approaching or maybe even already here.
I pushed the consideration that my “time is up” out of my head. Surely that question so many years ago was not literal? Then I thought to myself, “What if it is up?” And I thought, “I would be okay with that.” Then I wondered, “Would I change anything?” I laughed and told my guidance, “I would smoke every night…no wait, I would smoke pot. I miss smoking pot.” lol I recall my guidance asking, “What about living life? What about your family?” I was reminded that pot blurs things, pushes me into the trance state and leaves me foggy. Probably not a good way to spend my life, not really being here and enjoying my family.
Then I was sad because if I had that little time left then I likely was not going to connect with a person at the physical and spiritual level; experience and share that glorious Divine state with another. I heard my guidance say, “You never know what can happen in six months.”
My own mortality doesn’t bother me really. Death doesn’t scare me. I am more than ready to explore what lies beyond the physical. I do it already in my sleep and sometimes during the day. And I know these kinds of messages are often misinterpreted. Yet when I fully embrace the possibility that I have so little time left I do not want it to end. Weird, huh? It is probably exactly what my guidance intended me to realize. They often say to me, “You don’t want to die. You want to live.”
Dream: What If?
I met my physical counterpart only we were much younger – late teens, early twenties. We began a relationship but he was not at all as expected. When we made love he was very distant and I felt used during and discarded after. The connection between us that I knew was there was never present during those times. It was very physical and not at all spiritual or magical.
I kept making excuses for him – he must be tired, maybe he’s just feeling frustrated, next time will be better, etc. There was no way I was going to bring up my concerns to him because he might decide to break up with me or get angry.
Then there were the people he hung around with. They were shady and doing things that felt to be illegal. He took me with him to do something and dropped me at one of his friend’s houses to stay there until he was finished. The friend was a blonde lady who was older, a bit overweight and very rough around the edges. The house was nice with nice things and the woman was dressed well and wore lots of fine jewelry. She was not wanting for anything.
I remember sitting in my bedroom there thinking to myself and having a conversation with someone, a guide likely, about the situation I found myself in. The disconnected sex, the feeling of being used, the disappointment, the fear, etc. The woman came in at one point and told me that she had left some dishes – glasses specifically – out for me to put away. She told me, “If you are going to stay here then you are going to pitch in.” The request felt more like a threat and I told her I was sorry and would get around to it, but lingered talking to my guide a bit longer.
I recall considering that I may had projected the love and connection I desired onto my boyfriend. It was an expectation he could not meet and so the disconnect grew between us. The feelings I experienced at this point were disappointment at myself and a kind of resignation or surrender.
I went into the kitchen to put away the glasses (transcendence). They were set out on the counter. I noticed how nice the kitchen was. It had a section just for making coffee (awareness), espresso and cappuccino – every kind of coffee imaginable. I opened the cabinet to put away the glasses and noticed there were small circular raised spots the perfectly fit them. I knew to place a glass on each circle.
Dream: Silver Dollar
Then I was walking into a room full of people who were sitting at a massive oval table. There were more than I could count and they recognized me as I entered. The gathering was of people with spiritual abilities of all kinds. They were just like me.
A woman pulled out a seat for me and greeted me, asking me where I had been. The dream I had just left felt so real to me and I was confused for a bit. She asked about my physical counterpart and a memory came to me of being with him at the pool. I recalled it had been August and we had been dating since mid-summer. That was the first time we ever got intimate and the memory of the experience was so raw and devoid of connection that I withdrew from it. I immediately made an excuse for him in my mind.
At this point in the dream I was feeling really guilty for my behavior and avoidance of the truth. The woman began to distract me with coins. She laid them out before me. I remember she had some rare ones, silver dollars (strong spiritual abilities) that were larger than a dinner dish. I pointed out how rare they were and she said she had more. She took me to her room and opened a chest. Inside were more. I remember she was excited that they might be worth something. She said she had access to as many as she wanted from the church.
Dream: Ukraine
The next thing I recall is visiting a farm in the middle of nowhere. It was beautiful country and the house was small and quaint. It had a very foreign feel to it yet at the same time I felt at home there.
I was still young, probably around 18 years old, and visiting the family for an unknown reason. The couple who lived there showed me various aspects of farm life. I mostly remember seeing several large dogs (protection, fidelity) who were about to have their hair shaved and petting one.
The couple had several children of various ages. At one point were were all gathered together peeling various fruits and vegetables. I sat on the floor. There were two young men sitting above me at the table.
I sat peeling a Kiwi (period of growth and good fortune) and talking to a younger sibling about eating a banana. I recall seeing the mashed (suppressed) banana (playfulness) on the floor and looking at the Kiwi fruit in my hand. A conversation started between me and the boys. I asked their ages and the older one said his brother was 15 and he was 18. The brother at this point felt like my physical counterpart but it was like a passing thought I did not pay attention to.
As we talked another dream took form within the dream. Me and the older boy and his siblings were walking through a channel filled with water (emotion). The water was about waist high. There was tall grass on either side and overall I felt curious like a child. As we walked we encountered a group of gypsies (time to awaken spiritual abilities). The boy indicated to keep going so we did, only one gypsy intercepted us and the dream faded out.
I was back talking to the older boy. His appearance was clearer and I grew more lucid. He had black hair and brown eyes and was very attractive and I could feel an intensity of interest from him. I thought to myself, “He is interested in me.” He said something to me and I saw the entire dream sequence above again, only this time in reverse. Then it played over again only this time the gypsies did not intercept us and we continued on our way.
My awareness went back to the house and I was staring at the boy. He looked at me very seriously and asked me, “Why did you really come here? Was it just to pick out a dog? Or did you intend to choose a (husband maybe – I can’t recall the word he used now)”.
When he said this my lucidity peaked even more and it was as if he and I were face to face. I suddenly knew I was in the Ukraine, which made no sense. As we stared into each other’s eyes a beautiful energy enveloped me and I could feel the connection between us. I remember thinking, “I know you” but before I could continue the energy woke me.
I lay in bed for a while with the bliss, snuggling into it as much as I could before it inevitably passed. I did not want to wake up.
A song was going through my mind – “I will remember you. Will you remember me. Don’t let your life, pass you by. Weep not for the memories.”
Considerations
It is rare that I have dreams where I feel like I just lived an entire life. That was what the first one felt like. It felt real. It felt like I lived it. Had I not entered into the second dream and talked about the first one, I likely would have continued to think it was not a dream.
At first it feels like the dream is about my physical counterpart, but after a while it seems more similar to how I am with men in relationships, at least the emotions are. If I am unhappy early on I do not voice it. I make excuses for them and think their faults will magically disappear down the road. I want it to work out so bad that I ignore the bad and put up with things I otherwise would not just to make the relationship work.
The table with the circle seems to be me connecting with others like me, those who are working to help humanity, using their spiritual abilities and awareness, etc. The message seems to be that I need to tap into my abilities.
The last dream is the most odd. I do not understand it really but the feeling of connection was there and the bliss was beautiful. Again, it was very vivid, like I had actually visited the country of Ukraine.
The song seems to say, “Don’t linger on the past. Enjoy the present. You are alive!” It feels like I am being reminded that life is a gift, so I need to live it.
Interestingly, I had this thought on my own on Saturday when I decided to let my son pick his birthday activities. I decided to stop worrying over future what if’s – money, retirement, health – and focus on the present. How can I make the present better for me and my family? Do things that we all enjoy regardless of the present cost (money-wise) or potential for it to drain our savings (future consideration). Live life for today.
We will be going on a family vacation to South Padre again in May. In between I hope to just be less restrictive overall. There is no point in holding back today when there may not be a tomorrow. This is what I think my guides mean when they say, “You are ALIVE.”
Also, another sync – when I checked my gmail this morning there was a question on Quora listed – What makes a person remember you?” I still had the song above on my mind. Ha!
Lots of strange dreams and surprise Kundalini activity to recount this morning.
Dream: Georgia Trail Run
I had a long dream where I traveled to Georgia to run a trail run with my husband. When we got there I recall standing on the trail and thinking of how close I was to someone I know. I had anxiety about running the race and as it grew darker I realized the start of the race happened whenever I decided to start. So, I decided to begin the race. Most of my memory of the race is of tall pines and a trail that was mostly dirt and rocks.
Then I was at the cabins – er trailers – where we were to stay. They were very narrow, just wide enough for a sleeping person. In between the trailers was a larger space with kitchen and wreck room. I stood inside talking with a man as we made noodle (longevity, desire for something in life) soup. I was very hungry after the race so ate quite a bit. He asked me about my friend who lived nearby and if I would contact him. I said, “No, probably not.” Inside I felt it a waste of my time, that he would likely not even respond if I did.
During the dream I remember seeing a highway in GA and talking to someone in more depth about my friend. Then I recall talking to my friend and him asking me not to give up. I saw his arms and hands in vivid detail and it woke me up.
Kundalini Dream: Zero Hour
In this dream I was in a classroom with a teacher and students. I was a “student teacher”. There is brief memory of not knowing if I was male or female, like a shifting from one into the other. This was a bit disorienting but also felt absolutely normal.
I was monitoring the students doing work and saw a girl motion to the corner. I turned and saw a boy motioning to the girl and knew they were cheating. I went over to the boy and asked him if he needed help. The corner he was in was very dark because the lights in the room were off. I noticed he was stuck on #4 and showed him he already answered it. Then asked if he needed light and he said yes. I asked the teacher, a brunette, to turn on the lights. She said she not to, that the light changed when the sun came out from behind the clouds. I saw this happen but still turned on the lights.
The students finished their work and then the teacher asked them to clean up. I felt I needed to assist and asked if I could clean up the Legos (ideas, creativity) scattered across the floor. She said I could but when I went to clean up the pile I had seen the room was spotless.
Then the teacher said to the class, “It’s zero hour (critical moment, moment of decision). You can leave.” The bell had not rung yet and I was surprised she let them go so early.
When the room was empty I lingered by a fireplace (could mean Kundalini) that suddenly appeared. I recall smoking a cigarette (surrender). The teacher had given me a box of tea (spiritual enlightenment) to examine. But “she” had shifted into a “he” and I felt a strange feeling, like I highly revered him. He asked me if I would like to try the tea. I took my cigarette and put it out on the edge of the fireplace. The tea box suggested the tea be taken with applesauce (growth, abundance) in it. I told him, “Yes, but I don’t think I want applesauce in my tea.” He agreed it was not palpable, saying, “That is okay”.
I then approached the teacher’s desk. He was hunched over paperwork he was grading, tests the kids had just taken. I kept my distance as I handed him the tea box. He looked at me and I saw he resembled someone I know only his nose was different. There was an intoxicating energy coming off him that made my chakras all light up in a blissful way. His effect on me was strange and I both resisted and desired it.
He said to me, “Have you found a boyfriend/partner yet?” I said, “No. I haven’t.” He nodded and said, “Good.” It felt like he wanted me to want to be with him and no one else. He then referred to my Light saying it was very obvious to those who could perceive it. I could feel my own energy/Light as he said this. It was like a fire, ebbing and flowing, exploding in bright, white light and then subsiding. At the same time I felt near my limit, as if I had been aroused but held back by a lover who was saying, “Not yet.” It was an impossible feeling. The teacher said to me with a smile, “You feel it, don’t you?” He also said multiple times, “You are ready.” Yet at the same time I felt there was timing involved that was very important.
The entire time it was very difficult to be in his presence. I felt humbled and small in his presence. I had great reverence for him. His power was potent and attractive, so much so that I felt unable to control my attraction and was sure it would be the end of me if he were to let me in. He felt like royalty – like a King – and I felt very obviously to be his Queen. I have never felt so magnetically drawn to anyone as I did to him.
Continued Communication
As the energy enveloped me I woke up and felt it continue to rise. A wall of anxiety formed between my solar plexus and heart. It stuck there for a while and as I noticed it and allowed it, it broke through in a sudden rush and I went immediately into a trance state with full-on hypnagogia and vibrations.
I stayed in the in-between with this teacher for a while. He no longer resembled my friend but began to look more like a Tibetan monk except he wore regular clothing. His nose was very wide and sometimes he wore a headdress that reminded me of a God or a King. I asked him if he was my friend and he said, “Yes. I am many.” I recognized he meant he was the Masculine.
He asked me if I was ready to work and I said I was. He told me many things but now all I have in my memory is a summary. I had been told today as a date previous to this and so was not surprised at his visit. He mentioned December and then May 20th. There is also memory of a visual of my future where I would leave my body and then return “changed”. I saw my body as separate and like clothing to be worn. I remember asking how to handle such a change, that people would see my body and expect what they have always gotten but that would not be possible anymore.
I was reminded of the few times when I have experienced what seemed like someone else taking over my vision. The experience always left me questioning. He responded to my memory with, “I will show you” and I became a bit nervous about what he might show me. My life? My future? The world’s future? I do not want to take on the pain of others. It is too overwhelming. He didn’t respond to my concerns, only that I would be allowed to see through his eyes.
At one point I saw this teacher very clearly. He was sitting on the edge of a huge boulder and looking directly at me. He looked kind and familiar. I asked him if this was how he always looked and he said it was just one of his many forms.
There was also much discussion about letting the K teach me. He said that the discomfort and longing was how it communicated to me where change was needed. It was aligning me, correcting imbalance.
There was so much more but sadly much is lost to me now. Whatever is to come, I know it will be transformative.
Warning: May be TMI for some of you (or maybe not).
Kundalini Dream: White Wedding
The beginning of the dream is difficult to remember. There was discussion about wedding (becoming Whole, Union) preparations with my family. I recall the man who was to give me away looked like my ex-step-father, which is weird. The family was all staying in a hotel and I was being led around and given lots of instructions. I recall not really understanding fully what was going on. It was like I was in a dreamy haze, not sure if any of it was really going to happen.
I recall mentioning that I was already married and wondering how a marriage was going to work. I remember being told to think of it as a renewal of our vows but that didn’t match up in my mind. The man I was “renewing” my vows with was not the same man I was married to. Perhaps I was confusing the dream with reality at this point, which is quite common in dreams where I am just on the verge of becoming lucid.
At one point I was talking with a young, blonde man (aspect of self) who was approximately 20 years old. We were in his hotel room (getting away, relaxation) and he was frantic about what he had been told regarding it. He said that there was no ventilation in the room and that someone had cut off the air so that he would slowly suffocate (feeling trapped, anxious). The memory of this part of the dream is actually seeing the interaction between him and this awful, cruel person who seemed intent on scaring the poor boy.
I looked at the window (new perspective, insight) over the bed, pointing it out to him, and said, “But you have a window.” He said, “It won’t open. I am going to die in here.” I went over to the window and slid the entire front down and off of it. Cool air flowed in. I said, “See. It’s open now. You will be just fine.”
The young man was quite relieved. We both sat on the bed and talked about the upcoming wedding.
The dream got strange here. The lighting shifts in my memory and everything gets darker. A man is with me who I recognized as the man I will be marrying very soon – the next day. He has dark hair and feels older than me. Just being near him is intoxicating and I find myself pressing myself up against him and becoming very aroused. He is returning my affection and the energy just goes higher and higher to the point that I am completely blissed-out on the energy of us.
The whole time this energy is rising there is discussion about the upcoming marriage. There seems to be another man in the room talking to me. He is standing near the door and I cannot recall his face. His energy reminds me of a guide’s energy, very to the point and stoic.
It is hard to remember what this guide said, though, because I was thoroughly into the man I was with. I remember saying I could not wait to be married. It felt like we were having sex right there in front of the guide but I don’t think “sex” is the right word. Whatever it was, I was experiencing multiple orgasmic waves throughout my body. I haven’t experienced anything like it before and the more I interacted with the man, the more intense it became to the point that I was surprised I was able to stand it. It felt like the energy was cycling through me – root to crown and back again – and speeding up, building to the point of unheard of levels of ecstasy.
Despite the pleasure I was experiencing, there was a conversation on-going. I remember seeing my wedding gown and being told I needed to get ready. The man I was with (we were on the floor) suddenly sat up and said something about losing his gum (sticky situation or feeling vulnerable). He sounded a bit angry but it didn’t phase me. I looked, located a piece of yellow (solar plexus, control, fear) gum on the floor, pointed it out and said, “It’s okay. It’s right there.”
That is when the voice of the guide told me to get my shoes (new approach on life) on. I jumped up, energy still cycling through my body, and looked for my shoes. I recall seeing a flash of my own face. I had a large, crusty sore (holding in some negative emotion) on my face (self-identity). I grabbed one tennis shoe that looked like it fit a child (innocence, curiosity) and then found the other.
I woke up suddenly from the dream. The energy of my interactions with the man still flowing through me. It felt fantastic!
Two songs were going through my mind as I woke: White Wedding and You Oughta Know.
The lyrics going through my head were: “And I’m here to remind you, of the mess you made when you went away”.
The lyrics from this one were: “It’s a nice day to start again. It’s a nice day for a white wedding.”
Yeah, strange combination. It felt like a message that would be something like, “Sorry about the mess I made when I left. Can we start again? It’s a nice day for a white wedding.”
OBE: Two’s
Somehow I ended up asleep, or in the in-between, because the next thing I recall is being lucid standing outside next to a tall, wooden privacy fence (division within self). It was dark and I was very obviously OOB. It took me a bit to get my wits about me because I had not expected to go OOB, but once I did I enjoyed every moment of it.
I climbed up on the fence, somewhat floating but feeling pulled down toward the ground. I felt and then saw a dog (protection, fidelity) below and behind me. He was barking but I did not feel fear. He felt like my deceased dog, Trooper. My focus was on the clusters of white flowers that just appeared in the air near me. The first was a single, white daisy (love, sensuality). I plucked it from the air and then let it fall down toward the dog. He snatched it up in his mouth and I said, “Good boy!”
Then I spotted a cluster of white flowers floating above the fence. I floated up and inspected them for a bit. They were beautiful and delicate. I remember feeling joy at seeing them and knowing they were a message of good things to come.
I could see the entire back yard from the top of the fence. I saw a swimming pool (cleansing, renewal) to my right and other yards with fences. I tried to fly up but kept being pulled down. So I just let myself float down. I was saying something as I floated down. I think it was something like, “Take me where you will.”
As I floated I hovered close to the ground and then was pulled along for a while. I was completely at ease and happy. The scene shifted, I felt it shift, and then I was standing in my bedroom. The door was in the wrong place and open to a hallway that isn’t there in real life. I walked into the hallway and encountered my daughter. I could hear her and my son talking very loudly. My daughter walked past me followed by another version of herself. I realized there were two of her and they were from different time periods. I smiled and continued walking down the hallway thinking, “There is more than one of everyone here.”
In the kitchen I encountered my sons sitting at a table. They were saying, “We’re hungry.” I got out some thick, peanut butter stuff. My middle son rejected his and I encouraged him to try it because it was almond butter (peace). I recall there being two of both my sons.
Then I went into the living area. Laying on the sofa I found my ex-husband and two versions of me, both with short hair. One I recognized as me when I was quite young. The other as me about a decade ago. Both of these other versions of me were aware of me and talking to each other and my ex. My ex said something about how I was not me, it could not be me. I looked closely at the other two me’s, noting “when” these me’s existed and concluded aloud, “No. I’m better.” Then I smiled and said, “Look, my hair is much longer now.” I showed him my hair that was pulled back into a ponytail (girlhood, putting one’s hair up).
My ex accepted this and I remember asking permission to get closer to him. We kissed and the kiss was quite real. I kept kissing him, fully enjoying the sensation of it. I remember saying, “You always were a good kisser.” This made me curious about sex. Would it also be good? I asked him and he agreed that it was okay. So we had sex right there on the sofa. It was all very real feeling.
Once awake I was shocked at just how much sexual activity occurred in one night! First, the Kundalini full body orgasms that were beyond amazing and intoxicating – Divine. Then the very physical versions which far exceeded any orgasms I’ve had in this body in this lifetime (but then all dream orgasms are much better than awake ones IMO).
I have not had an OBE since January and before that had one in December. OBEs are few and far between these days and I have not had one quite like this in a long while. I feel absolutely wonderful this morning. Completely satisfied in more than one way. So grateful for these experiences. They came just when needed.
Yesterday I had a nice little win in regards to my panic episodes. While driving to and from work I successfully staved off rising panic by firmly thinking to it, “NO!”. It worked!
Years ago after my first spiritual awakening my Companion, Steven, gave me advice on how to stop negative thoughts. He said, “Tell them to stop.” I didn’t believe him but sure enough, when I told them to stop they would. I only remembered his advice after I had successfully stopped the panic inducing thoughts, though.
With that I also recalled a meditation episode early on, before the “first” meditation (obvious not first but oh well) that opened me up to my gifts. I was living in Montana, it was around 1999 and I had been struggling with depression and negative thoughts. I meditated to find a suspected “gin” (negative entities that attach to us). To my surprise I saw him as a shadowy figure in the peripheral of my mental vision and I “fought” him off. This memory caused me to consider that maybe I still have some negative energies working to keep me down. I have no doubt that something is influencing me but I can’t say it is an “entity” for sure because I think everything has a purpose and often these “entities” are just our Egos and fractured aspects of self.
So, a successful commute yesterday means I may be on the way to conquering my panic/anxiety.
Kundalini Dream Visitor
Prior to bed I caught myself thinking something that seemed to be a response to someone. I mentally said, “He wants to visit me.” Intercepting the thought brought on awareness of the meaning behind it. “He” was not clear but the “visit” would be in dreamtime. It felt like I was being asked if I would be okay with a visit. I said it was okay.
Still, though, I had not expected to actually have a dream visitor.
Most of the dream is hazy now. What I do recall is being in what felt to be my mom’s house. The entire dream scene is dark in my memory, like the lights were turned down. It was hard to make out furniture and the faces of the people I was interacting with. There was a man with me, though, who felt familiar. He and I seemed to be having a “date”. I can’t remember how he looked except that he had dark hair and was taller than me. He also felt quite a bit older than me but not old enough to be my father.
Our conversation is lost to me now as is most of the sequence of events in the dream. I remember handling food, like preparing our meal. I was focused on the salad (expression of feelings and acceptance of positive in life). I stood over a kitchen sink when the man gave me something, part of the meal I think, and I put it on a tray over one side of the sink.
The man’s energy is more memorable to me than anything. When he was near me it felt like he was seducing me, or better yet, as if we were dancing. I was extremely drawn to him and drunk on bliss. The memory of the energy is as if it was pulsating, like we would get close and then separate and the energy kept pulling us back together.
I recall seeing the man’s plate of greens, uneaten, and thinking that he forgot to eat them. Then my attention was drawn to a woman laying in the middle of the floor, blankets (protection) over her as if she was trying to sleep. I thought of her as my “mom” (aspect of self, mother aspect). She was not supportive of me having a relationship with this man and as a result there was some attempt on our part to sneak around.
At the end of the dream there was a part that is a bit confusing. It was as if I switched bodies and became my mom. I watched as me and the man embraced. I yelled out and fought off a person who was trying to hold me back from pushing a large button. I managed to hit the button, though.
Then the man was standing in front of me telling me that he felt we should slow down and take our time. We had planned to be intimate (or that is what it felt like) but he decided to end our “date” instead. He promised another date in the future and kept repeating that we should “take things slow”.
The energy of our connection was intense and obvious by this point. The bliss was intoxicating and I struggled to understand why the man would withdraw when it was so obvious that we were good together.
I woke up soon after and the energy had mostly subsided, only some residual energy remained in my second and third chakras. The memory of the bliss I had been feeling was enough, though, that I did not want to be awake.
A song was going through my head, one I heard yesterday on the way to work. The part that was going through my head, “Some things we can never choose, even if we try….”
Messages
I lingered in bed going in and out of the in-between after I woke and trying to remember as much of the dream encounter as I could. As a result I had some messages come through about taking things slow because of the work that still needed to be done on my energy body. I also both saw and heard the date – March 17th. It was written as 3/17 and flashed in my mind.
There was a message that came both audibly and written out on a black background in my mind. There were two lines that appeared simultaneously. The bottom line, written in blue, read, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The top line, written in red, was longer but I only remember the last line because the voice was saying it as I received the written message. It said, “I will wait.”
There was a sense along with the words/message that the man had not intended to upset me and was truly apologetic about it. It also felt as if he is waiting in the background, like lingering in my energy field just outside of my conscious awareness.
I have a sense of who this man is but since it was not obvious I will just wait and see what happens next. Dream encounters like this are common for me, so the true significance behind them is often not understood until much later and sometimes not at all.
The bliss is memorable, though, and I can’t help but miss it when it is gone.
Yesterday was a good day. I was feeling more stable emotionally – less depressed, less apathetic, more hopeful. As a result my day went smoothly. Mid-afternoon I was researching Kundalini support in my area (there’s none btw) and stumbled upon a Kundalini yoga free introductory course online. I figured I might as well do it and so read through the first few lessons and tried some of the meditations and mantras that were suggested. I figured, why not? Here is the website in case you are curious and/or interested in a free course.
I didn’t decide to full-on start a Kundalini Yoga practice because I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea considering my Kundalini is already pretty active. So I just played a bit with it and enjoyed the information presented. Mostly, in my boredom, I was looking for something to occupy myself with in order to make the evenings pass quicker. When trying out a few of the meditations and mantras I felt my third-eye activate, which in itself is a good indicator.
Prior to sleep I practiced what I could recall from the first few chapters I had read online. I realize now that I probably should have reviewed the material before doing so because I did an energizing breath meditation that was not necessarily ideal for preparing to sleep! lol I didn’t do a complete round, though, just spoke the words and breathed as instructed for a short period of time.
As I settled down to sleep a male energy became apparent and the conversation between us brought about some mild energy sensations. My heart chakra lit up as did my crown and third-eye. I don’t recall the conversation much now except for a few odd bits of information. For example, I remember “fire” and “change” and the mentioning of progress being made.
Eventually my heart started to beat quicker in anticipation of the perceived Kundalini energy. It’s like I was on high alert and so my body responded in kind. I experienced a kind of crazy anxious energy in my heart chakra. It was bothersome and made it impossible for me to fall asleep. I have only felt a similar energy once before and that was after I met my physical counterpart (some call it twin flame) in person back in 2016. The energy is uncomfortable and the only way I was able to manage it in the past was to lay on my stomach. So, I lay on my stomach but found little relief. The male energy instructed me to, “allow” and “go with” the energy and it would reveal what it wanted me to know.
After over an hour of this kind of energy I told the male energy, “I need to sleep”. It was getting close to midnight and I was extremely tired. I rolled onto my left side and attempted to sleep. As soon as I began to relax I realized I was conversing with the male energy again. I saw him and felt him put his hand on my back, right between my shoulder blades. The heart energy was warm and spread out as he held his hand there. Then I felt a small bubble of energy move up my body from my feet to my tailbone and then up my spine. It paused at the space between my second and third chakra. I remember the male energy saying, “There, you see?” I recognized the blockage and sensed that this male energy wanted to help me work through it.
Throughout the interaction with this male energy a song was playing in the back of my mind: Beautiful Day by U2. I kept hearing, “It’s a beautiful day. Don’t let it get away….”
From this point on it gets weird and thankfully my memory is hazy. I seemed to be perceiving all kinds of thoughts and visuals from other people all at the same time. I saw and felt things that made no sense and they were piled one on top of the other in layers. My best guess is that these layers of experience/memory were what complied the blockage, but I am not completely sure because I had to disconnect from it in order to get into a place where I could sleep.
Both my ears started ringing pretty loudly during this time also.
There was a point where my left hand began to tingle as if going numb. My fingers specifically were tingling as if needles were being poked into them and electric zaps were sparking with each prick. And it was not getting better with movement even after several minutes. I was reminded of the other night when I kept waking up worrying about my heart, feeling it would stop in my sleep. I thought, “Am I having a heart attack? Is numbness and tingling in the left hand a sign of heart attack?” After what seemed like forever the tingling subsided.
Somehow I did fall asleep, which is quite amazing considering the onslaught of imagery and the crazy heart energy that made me feel so damn anxious!
Vision
When I woke this morning I was not happy to be waking up because I got so little sleep and what sleep I did get did not cause me to feel rested. The intensity of the energy was what was so difficult and I realized if I were to ever be in close quarters with someone I had an energetic connection with that I would likely not get any sleep and would go crazy from exhaustion.
I recall a flash of a vision upon waking that has me wondering. It was a piece of paper that looked like a death certificate. I recall seeing “Birth” with a date I cannot recall. Then I saw “Death” and next to it was written a year: “2048”. Below that was more information but I have since forgotten it. I wonder now if the information was about me? Am I set to die in 2048? If so, that is in line with what I have perceived before, that I will die in my 60’s. The thing that bothers me is that it is only 20 years away. That seems like a long time but I know that it is not.
The song on my mind when I received this vision was, Ironic.
My interpretation of this song message is that it is likely that by the time I die I will finally want to live.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Lots of processing going on over here since around the 17th of January. Even posting today feels premature, but I need to because one of the decisions I have come to is to set this and all my other blogs to “Private” for an indeterminate amount of time. Access will be granted to those who request it via a password.
The Why
You may be wondering why this sudden shift into private mode. I am happy to explain.
I had a Kundalini dream encounter that made me very uncomfortable. It was not unpleasant – not at all – but the encounter was with a very young and inexperienced male. This is not a big deal normally. I have had many Kundalini dream encounters with very young women and men – even little girls – but never did it feel as if I were interacting with anyone who also had a body elsewhere. If they did, I was unaware of it. In this particular case I was able to see into this person’s life in a very intimate way. I was not looking to do this but it had enough of an impact on me to cause me to shift gears immediately.
What bothered me first and foremost was that this young man was very young – probably still in his teens and very likely still living at home with his parents (or mom in this case). You may say, “Ah, but age doesn’t matter in Spirit.” Maybe not, but my ability to see into this person’s mind – to know them intimately to the point of knowing where they have been in this life, their experiences, emotions and considerations – made it very clear to me that I have a responsibility to remain as neutral as I can so as to not unduly influence him or anyone else who is so new to the Kundalini.
Kundalini is not a game. Is is the real deal. One Kundalini-awakened person – conscious or not – WILL awaken others with their energy. It is inevitable. Actually, it is meant to be that way for it is crucial to the ascension of humanity. A chain reaction of consciousness. One spark can and will ignite a fire.
Knowing my responsibilities as a Kundalini-awakened individual, it is clear to me that I need to be very cognizant of what I share online. With my most recent experiences with Kundalini “heart connections” and telepathy and now this experience it is undeniable that some ground rules need to be followed.
If you are Kundalini-active you are being received by other Kundalini-active and awakened individuals. What you think about, what you fantasize about, it is being relayed to others whether you are aware of it or not. If you think about, fantasize or obsess over a specific individual they will receive your communication. It may be muted or not received in full. It may be received in dreamtime and hidden behind heavy symbolism. Or, if both individuals are able, the communication will be direct consisting of spoken word, visuals, energy, emotion, thoughts – the whole shebang.
I’ve experienced all of the above and no telling how much I have sent out. 😦
Therefore…..
Rule #1:Protect yourself and your energy. Reel it in, be selective. Don’t worry, your Light will be just as bright but it won’t draw in the wrong people without your permission. Just like they say, “Your body is a temple”, so is your energy body! When you are connected to another, when you open your energy and Self to another, their energy mixes with your own. Afterward, you carry some of their energy within your own and vice versa.
Rule #2:Watch your thoughts. Be certain of your intentions. You will attract what you put out. You’re manifestation abilities are proportional to your awareness level in this human body. The more one advances along the ascension track, the higher their manifestation ability.
Rule #3: Do no harm. Energetic connections can be painful for the inexperienced and naive (trust me I know!). Do not energetically connect with another if you perceive they are not ready, inexperienced or ill prepared. The Kundalini and the connections that result can be addictive and intoxicating. Attachment is common. Where there is attachment there is pain/suffering. If you can remain detached but sense the tendency toward attachment in a potential partner then withdraw completely – Don’t go there.
Even when these rules are followed, others will be activated in your presence whether you meet them in person or via the internet. You are not responsible for what that individual does once they are activated. What you are responsible for is how you respond and react to them, and whether or not you interact with them beyond the initial connection.
So to clarify – It is not, nor has it ever been, my intention to get intimately involved with another person outside of my marriage. My focus has and continues to be my family. I have come to realize that some of my posts, specifically those related to the Kundalini, have insinuated that I am seeking out a new partner. And perhaps at times I was, unconsciously doing this, for which I apologize profusely. I do think of myself as a Seeker, so it would follow that I would seek out others like me. For this I do not apologize but at the same time I cannot go forward from here, considering all that has transpired in the last four years, in good conscience, without setting healthy boundaries both for myself and my family as well as those reading my blog who may be newly awakened and vulnerable.
The last thing I want to do is hook up spiritually with a 16 year-old kid! Nope. I don’t care if “age doesn’t matter to Spirit”. Age – specifically maturity – DOES matter to me – a mature adult, spiritually and physically. This Fire ain’t a toy. It BURNS. Trust me, I know.
And yes, I could still continue to blog while adhering to the above rules. Maybe I am being a bit too hard on myself but then one can’t be too careful in these times. Our children are waking up. They are so very young. They need mentors, guides. But I am not ready to step into that role just yet. One can’t be too careful when tending to the young ones. They are so very fragile.
I will be setting all my blogs to private sometime early next week. Please email me in advance if you would like access and I will send you the password.
Last night wasn’t a dreamless night, I just can’t really remember any of my dreams now. There was on in-between dream/vision of me singing songs with a choir and being adamant about not having to learn new songs, but that is it. lol That in itself may be a hint of my current take on life: “Sure, I’ll do that but only if I have done it before.”
I hear a silent whisper of a voice ask, “Where’s your inner risk-taker, little missy?” <Insert surprised emoji (WP where are your emoji’s?)>
Speaking of voices…..
Something’s up and I really don’t know how to talk about it without likely rubbing a few of my readers the wrong way and/or making me sound even more crazy than I already do.
I have been able to communicate with Spirit and other worldly beings for some time now. The two go hand-in-hand and by now I am so over the shock, surprise, and “special” feeling of having this ability. I no longer care if people believe that I can hear dead people (lol). I have proven my ability a plenty but have long ago let go of the need to prove I can do what I do.
But my ability to hear Spirit has now shifted into what I believe is the ability to hear people – alive and occupying bodies – in exactly the same way as I hear those without bodies.
If you think about it, the two are not much different. Spirit is Spirit, in a body or out.
As with any new gift – well newly realized anyway – it takes some getting use to. I have not worked out all the kinks yet, not by a long-shot. In fact, it is downright confusing at times! Like that voice I just heard that referred to me as “little missy”….is that a Spirit or some person in a body somewhere….or is it just me talking to myself (crazy feelings aside)? And how do I knew the difference when they feel exactly the same?
In most cases (like the one above) it doesn’t really matter I guess and I am damn well not going to stress myself out trying to figure it out. Not worth my time or energy.
But lately I am receiving messages that suggest that I could be communicating with someone in a body living here on Earth right now. Yeah, crazy, right? Hahaha You have no idea…..
Last night is one example. I was settling to sleep as is my usual when I began to receive visuals – almost like I fell into a dream but I wasn’t asleep yet. With them came communication and energy. A swift, blissful rush of energy there was no denying spread across my entire body, lighting up my heart center. The communication with this energy was in words mostly but I won’t repeat all of it here as it is deeply personal and if there is in fact someone out there communicating to me, I don’t feel comfortable sharing everything without permission.
Whoever this person is (if it even is a person in a body….OMG), I have a strong connection with them and it was immediately recognizable. There were flashes of imagery that I have seen before. For example, I saw him draw on my forehead in red what looked like the image of a cross. I have seen this before prior to a major Kundalini event and considering the bliss of the moment, I have no doubt of it’s meaning. It is part of the Heiros Gamos – like a ceremony or rite related to it.
Some of what was communicated reminded me of previous encounters with a Spirit (person?) who I nicknamed my “tantra teacher”. I was being advised on how to handle the energy – to allow it without focusing on it, to relax into it, to accept it fully and openly without any resistance, to feel myself opening to receive. And when I did this I felt myself going somewhere, like losing consciousness almost, but not. I know if I go there it will take me to a familiar place, one I have gone to only twice before. My previous experience with it is hard to describe without making it sound “bad”; like I am being “possessed”. It feels like I step aside and let someone else take over but it is more like I am sharing space with an energy so much greater than myself that I bow to it in awe and reverence. This all takes place in what seems to be my energy only so greatly expanded that it is without form or shape.
Last night I did not go to this place. My mind instantly recognized the direction it was going and hesitated. The energy is so BIG, so fantastic and attractive to me, that I want to investigate it, to look closer and analyze it. This curiosity (not fear) pulls me out of it’s embrace when that is exactly where I desire to be.
Part of what is communicated to me by this man/Spirit is that I am over zealous and eager. I need to settled down and relax. Hahaha That is VERY difficult to do!
It’s so weird, but where once I was terrified of this fantastically HUGE energy, now I want nothing more than to be consumed by it. I remember him asking me more than once, “Breathe with me.” And I swear I heard him breathing as if he and I were breathing together….
When it was all said and done, I fell asleep wondering if I was communicating with a Spirit guide, a man who is excellent at telepathy, or the Divine Masculine within me (my HS)? OR just maybe this energy – BEingness – is all of the above rolled up into one?
Whatever is going on, I am not resistant. Maybe that is naive but I don’t feel any fear whatsoever. I am excited and, yes, overly zealous perhaps. The male voice suggested that what I have experienced up to this point is nothing compared to what awaits me. That if I breathe through the intense energy, allow it without focusing on it, then more Divine states await. More expansion. More bliss. And likely that “taken over” experience I have encountered before. And, I believe it is from that expansive space, that the journey really begins.
As for who this voice belongs to, I am not sure yet. I will let you know if it does originate from someone in a body. My past experiences suggest this is a possibility.
First, I woke around 4:30am and couldn’t go back to sleep because I heard this ticking in the walls. It sounded like a clock. I couldn’t find the source of it and had to turn on the fan to drown out the sound so I could sleep.
As I was trying to go to sleep, I felt a presence to my left. When acknowledged a surge of energy went through my body filling me with bliss. It started at my heart chakra and spread outward. I melted into it. He said to me something telepathically – it was more a feeling than words. It felt like I was being asked, “Are you ready?”
Lucid Dream: Zero
The dream began with me inside a high school classroom. I was looking at the lesson plan left by the teacher. It was a history class (review of past lessons) and the lesson was that the kids would read a chapter and then complete a worksheet. Only there was only one worksheet there. I told the class and they encouraged me to make copies of the worksheet telling me there were 20 of them. I left them despite knowing it was not good to leave a class unattended.
I found the copy machine in the lounge and a teacher was finishing up her copy (repeat lesson). She helped me with mine and I pressed in “20” and waited. The machine was glitchy and I recall having to check the copies and redo. The first time I got copies of hand written pages that I accidentally put through. The next time I had fewer copies than I needed and had to put in 5 more. The button would glow blue and I would have to press it again. I remember feeling nervous that it was taking so long and the kids were still in the room alone.
Eventually, an older Asian man came in and set some things down in the middle of the floor by the machine. He had with him many objects including a sheet cake with chocolate frosting that he set on the floor in front of me. I believe it was my birthday cake (new journey). He then lit the candle on the cake but they began to melt into the frosting and light the cake on fire (Kundalini or passion perhaps?). I leaned down and began to blow out the candles and the fire on the frosting. I remember saying the cake was fine after I blew out the fire.
Then I walked into a classroom filled with adult students. There were long tables in rows facing the font of the class. I took a seat at the front table but it was not the seat I originally wanted. Someone had taken my seat. I said aloud, “I guess I have to sit here since someone took my seat.” I saved a place to my right for someone but I do not know who.
The class was like an anatomy class and the teacher handed out stickers we were to place on our partners on the correct muscles.
Then I was entering the class (lesson) again and sat down at the second table. A man was seated in front of me and was not wearing a shirt. I could see his broad shoulders and muscular back. I had with me the stickers to place on my partner and said to him, “I prefer you as my partner. I can see your muscles very well. Everyone else (looking around the room) has at least 1 inch or more of fat covering their muscles.” I remember looking at the woman who had taken my seat and all the people at the front table as examples.
I began to place small, crescent shaped (moon, feminine) stickers on the man’s back. The sticker sheet resembled an image of the inside of the mouth with teeth (fulfilled wishes). My memory goes from the stickers to the man’s back, specifically his broad shoulders.
The man then invited me to come with him. I agreed. He took me through a door into what he called the “otter room”. I saw canals of water (emotion) that was flowing like a tube-shoot at a water park. In the water I saw several otters (playfulness, good fortune) swimming and a huge brown bear (independence, strength, death/renewal) chasing one. I said to the man, “There is a bear chasing the otter!” He responded as if it were normal but I was shocked.
At some point we joined with others and I realized we all seemed quite young – 20s maybe. The man I was with was suppose to be with another woman but she was not there. The dream is quite fuzzy here but I remember the man and I getting close, face to face, our bodies rubbing up against each another. His chest was still bare but he was wearing bluejeans. He was quite handsome and I enjoyed being close to him and feeling his bare chest pressed up against me. I felt him become aroused and knew he wanted to kiss me. I allowed him to and the kiss seemed to bring about lucidity all at once but I was able to stay stable in the moment and enjoy the kiss. The sensations of it all were very real.
He stopped, out of breath, and looked at me, pupils fully dilated from the passion he was feeling. All I remember of this part of the dream was the way he looked at me. It was fantastic. lol We stayed there facing each other and holding hands for a while. He called me by a nickname I can’t remember and I said, “What do you want to be called?” He smiled and said back to me, “Zero.” Only the word sounded more like, “Cero”, like he had a Spanish accent. I responded with, “Cero? I like that!”
Then we kissed some more. I remember the scene we were in to be swirling with a golden color. Always in motion as if we were creating the space with our energy. It felt neither to be inside or outside. The golden color is very prominent in my memory.
He stopped, out of breath, and said to me, “I want to fuck you.” lol I was fully agreeable and he took my hand and led me toward a door. Fully lucid at this point, I was thinking to myself that I needed to keep my emotions and feelings in check so as to not lose lucidity. I wanted to be able to go all the way in a lucid dream without waking up. Surprisingly, I was able to remain very stable in the scene and remember the man turning and looking at me expectantly as we walked toward the door. I could feel my hand in his and sense the anticipation building.
Sadly, as we walked through the door the scene dematerialized and went black. My awareness briefly returned to my physical body and then exited back to the golden dream scene only the man I had been with was gone. I was surrounded by a group of young men. The energy from them was intense and full of passion and arousal like the man I had been with before. Usually, this kind of energy would intimidate me but I was not at all bothered by it. It seemed normal and I trusted that they would all keep themselves under control, which they did.
I told one of the young men I wanted to find Cero. He said he would help but that he wanted to show me something first. He took my hand and led me to a large, white RV (feeling empowered, live life to the fullest), like a Winnebago. The group of young men followed. As I climbed the stairs into the RV one of the young men who was behind me seem to insert something into my anus, or at least it felt energetically like that. This is not unusual for me to feel in my root chakra as I have had many experiences of tubes or cylinders seeming to be inserted via my root and then go all the way up to my crown. I tried to keep going but the sensation stopped me and my root chakra began to activate to the point of pulling me out of the lucid dream.
Message: Awakening
The song by the Black Keys – Fever – was going through my mind when I woke up. I began to mull over my dreams. Images from my dreams kept flashing through my memory. The cake that was on fire was one of them. The RV another.
Then I couldn’t help but think of the ticking I heard in the walls. What was that? I was reminded of an Edgar Allen Poe story about a beating heart. I couldn’t remember the title and began to try to remember it. When I did I saw distinctly a poem written in front of me. The title was huge and written in beautiful calligraphy. It said, “Awakening.”
This woke me briefly and then I settled back into the in-between. Not long after a hand-written letter was presented to me. I saw my name and then began to read it. The message had to do with the process I am going through, but, of course, I can’t recall it now despite repeating it to myself mentally more than once. Whatever the message, it was not a bad one.
I have been okay but it has been touch and go. On the 30th my inner thighs were extremely sore to the point that it hurt even when I was not moving – probably a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. I had knelt down to clean something and when I got up I was in pain. So I did about an hour of yoga, which helped a bit. Afterward, I experienced something akin to a mild stomach flu that lasted only 4 hours. It came with an awful headache, chills, diarrhea, slight nausea and extreme thirst.
1/31/18 went by without incident but yesterday was energetically intense. The entire day I felt this strange inner, energetic icky feeling that seemed to coincide with interaction with my husband. He was extra pushy and his energy felt similar. By evening the feeling was unavoidable and strong enough that I began to feel like my entire world would disintegrate at any minute. The feeling is a sense of imminent destruction, like something bad is about to happen. It’s kinda like two magnets repelling one another. It is the same feeling I’ve been having for weeks. It has made me want to up and run. It has made me feel like I am going to pass out. It has made me feel panicky, crazy and broken to the point of tears.
Last night, with the feeling sitting on me like a huge weight I felt like it was going to break me. I asked my guidance for help and felt to focus on my core, which I did, and the feeling lifted.
Dream: Ride Home
The dream began with me deciding not to wait for the bus (temporary setbacks) anymore. Instead, I would walk down the road to catch it on another, earlier part of the route. As I walked I checked my watch and saw I had 10 minutes which I knew was enough time.
The road was familiar, one I had walked and ran more times than I can count. It was dark but the sun was beginning to rise in the distance so there was enough light to see by. I heard a noise that was alarming and saw a huge tiger (power and one’s ability to exert power in a situation) running toward me in the far distance. As it grew closer I could hear a noise from behind me calling to the big cat and it responded in kind. I said to myself aloud, “He is after the other tiger, not me” and kept walking. The big cat ran past me and continued behind me toward its intended target. Thankful, I shuddered at how massive it was and the thought of what could have happened if he had decided he wanted me.
The light increased and I saw tall flowers (hidden potential, love, happiness) ahead of me. They towered two feet above my head and seemed to have been placed there purposefully like a living bouquet. Awed by their beauty I began to pick my favorites, collecting mostly red ones and a large sunflower. With my bouquet in hand I heard sirens (caution) and spotted emergency lights coming toward me on the road. I hid behind the large flowers trying not to be seen and dropped my bouquet as I watched the police car slowly drive by. I worried I would be seen but the police car continued on but not after altering the scene.
The road was suddenly full of people, all heading toward the bus like I was. Most had stopped to rest along the way and taken seats in what appeared to be a subway or train car. I spotted a beautiful butterfly (transformation) that looked fake it was so perfect. A little girl grabbed it gently and I yelled out to her to be careful or she might hurt it. A woman nearby said, “Don’t worry. She handles them all the time.” The girl took the butterfly, which was extra large like the flowers I had just been picking, and gently set it on a table. I took out my camera to take a picture and the butterfly transformed into a silver beetle. Upon inspection, the beetle (values and beliefs being compromised) looked to have a design on its back like a puzzle or a maze. It was flat and moved oddly, six legs would pop out of hiding when it moved and then disappear when it stopped. Fascinated, I watched it for a while until a head popped out on a long neck and stared at me with two beady eyes and a turtle-like (slow down) face.
Suddenly acutely aware of the time, I realized I was late and would miss the bus if I didn’t get moving. I headed down the road and through rows of people sitting in seats and stopped in my tracks when I realized I had forgotten my backpack. I had left it among the tall flowers. I looked ahead and knew the bus was soon to arrive. I asked people around me if they had seen my backpack (burdens, responsibilities) but they ignored me, eyes focused on a screen ahead of them playing a movie. I eventually yelled but none noticed me.
I ran back toward the flowers, spotted my backpack and grabbed it but at the same time I heard the bus arrive. I turned to look and saw it leave. I had missed it.
Disappointed, I knew I had to go back up the road to try and catch it at the normal stop in front of my home. Knowing if I walked I would never make it, I sought out someone with a car. I asked loudly as I pointed up the road, “Is anyone heading back that way?” A young girl, possibly the one who had grabbed the butterfly, said to me, “I will take you home.” Relieved I looked for her and spotted her standing near a woman. She was very small, about the size of a 5 year-old child. Her brown hair was in low pigtails that touched her shoulders and she had a hairband around her forehead.
I smiled at her and said, “Thank you so much. I don’t remember my name but people call me Dayna.” She smiled at me and looked at the woman next to her. She said, “I don’t remember my name either.” The woman smiled encouragingly and said, “His name is Anaya Seth, but everyone calls him Seth.” The realization hit me that this little “girl” was actually a boy named Seth. The name struck a chord and lucidity hit me all at once and woke me up. Note: The name Anaya means “completely free”.
Message
When I woke up I wondered about my dream for a bit and heard a voice respond to my thoughts with, “You’re living a lie.” Not sure it was true I thought a bit and then asked, “Okay. What is my truth then?” I was reminded that I had been shown my truth and I replied that no specifics about how to live it had ever been received. Within the conversation I fell into the in-between where I was speaking to a young girl who resembled me and telling her what to do. Of course, I don’t remember what I told her but instead a song was playing in the background of my mind. Right before I heard the song I was wondering again what my truth was. As if to answer my question I heard, “She’s got both feet on the ground……she’s got her head in the clouds….this girl is on fire….”
Wide awake I continued to consider the dream and message. I was reminded of a Kundalini video I recently viewed in which it was mentioned that a person who resists the urge to change that comes with the Kundalini will experience a split feeling until they make the changes needed to align with their truth.
I requested help in determining the changes I need to make. It may seem obvious what I should do, but I don’t feel it is that simple. Tearing down everything that is my life is not something I desire, nor do I think it is necessary. It seems an insurmountable task to even confront one change that is needed, much less all of the changes that are needed. But if I continue to feel this icky feeling inside, if it continues to make me feel unable to physically stay where I am with more intensity than it already has, I will either experience a mental breakdown or I will act upon it (or both).
Living Life in Between 