Yesterday was a good day. I was feeling more stable emotionally – less depressed, less apathetic, more hopeful. As a result my day went smoothly. Mid-afternoon I was researching Kundalini support in my area (there’s none btw) and stumbled upon a Kundalini yoga free introductory course online. I figured I might as well do it and so read through the first few lessons and tried some of the meditations and mantras that were suggested. I figured, why not? Here is the website in case you are curious and/or interested in a free course.
I didn’t decide to full-on start a Kundalini Yoga practice because I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea considering my Kundalini is already pretty active. So I just played a bit with it and enjoyed the information presented. Mostly, in my boredom, I was looking for something to occupy myself with in order to make the evenings pass quicker. When trying out a few of the meditations and mantras I felt my third-eye activate, which in itself is a good indicator.
Prior to sleep I practiced what I could recall from the first few chapters I had read online. I realize now that I probably should have reviewed the material before doing so because I did an energizing breath meditation that was not necessarily ideal for preparing to sleep! lol I didn’t do a complete round, though, just spoke the words and breathed as instructed for a short period of time.
As I settled down to sleep a male energy became apparent and the conversation between us brought about some mild energy sensations. My heart chakra lit up as did my crown and third-eye. I don’t recall the conversation much now except for a few odd bits of information. For example, I remember “fire” and “change” and the mentioning of progress being made.
Eventually my heart started to beat quicker in anticipation of the perceived Kundalini energy. It’s like I was on high alert and so my body responded in kind. I experienced a kind of crazy anxious energy in my heart chakra. It was bothersome and made it impossible for me to fall asleep. I have only felt a similar energy once before and that was after I met my physical counterpart (some call it twin flame) in person back in 2016. The energy is uncomfortable and the only way I was able to manage it in the past was to lay on my stomach. So, I lay on my stomach but found little relief. The male energy instructed me to, “allow” and “go with” the energy and it would reveal what it wanted me to know.
After over an hour of this kind of energy I told the male energy, “I need to sleep”. It was getting close to midnight and I was extremely tired. I rolled onto my left side and attempted to sleep. As soon as I began to relax I realized I was conversing with the male energy again. I saw him and felt him put his hand on my back, right between my shoulder blades. The heart energy was warm and spread out as he held his hand there. Then I felt a small bubble of energy move up my body from my feet to my tailbone and then up my spine. It paused at the space between my second and third chakra. I remember the male energy saying, “There, you see?” I recognized the blockage and sensed that this male energy wanted to help me work through it.
Throughout the interaction with this male energy a song was playing in the back of my mind: Beautiful Day by U2. I kept hearing, “It’s a beautiful day. Don’t let it get away….”
From this point on it gets weird and thankfully my memory is hazy. I seemed to be perceiving all kinds of thoughts and visuals from other people all at the same time. I saw and felt things that made no sense and they were piled one on top of the other in layers. My best guess is that these layers of experience/memory were what complied the blockage, but I am not completely sure because I had to disconnect from it in order to get into a place where I could sleep.
Both my ears started ringing pretty loudly during this time also.
There was a point where my left hand began to tingle as if going numb. My fingers specifically were tingling as if needles were being poked into them and electric zaps were sparking with each prick. And it was not getting better with movement even after several minutes. I was reminded of the other night when I kept waking up worrying about my heart, feeling it would stop in my sleep. I thought, “Am I having a heart attack? Is numbness and tingling in the left hand a sign of heart attack?” After what seemed like forever the tingling subsided.
Somehow I did fall asleep, which is quite amazing considering the onslaught of imagery and the crazy heart energy that made me feel so damn anxious!
Vision
When I woke this morning I was not happy to be waking up because I got so little sleep and what sleep I did get did not cause me to feel rested. The intensity of the energy was what was so difficult and I realized if I were to ever be in close quarters with someone I had an energetic connection with that I would likely not get any sleep and would go crazy from exhaustion.
I recall a flash of a vision upon waking that has me wondering. It was a piece of paper that looked like a death certificate. I recall seeing “Birth” with a date I cannot recall. Then I saw “Death” and next to it was written a year: “2048”. Below that was more information but I have since forgotten it. I wonder now if the information was about me? Am I set to die in 2048? If so, that is in line with what I have perceived before, that I will die in my 60’s. The thing that bothers me is that it is only 20 years away. That seems like a long time but I know that it is not.
The song on my mind when I received this vision was, Ironic.
My interpretation of this song message is that it is likely that by the time I die I will finally want to live.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Lots of processing going on over here since around the 17th of January. Even posting today feels premature, but I need to because one of the decisions I have come to is to set this and all my other blogs to “Private” for an indeterminate amount of time. Access will be granted to those who request it via a password.
The Why
You may be wondering why this sudden shift into private mode. I am happy to explain.
I had a Kundalini dream encounter that made me very uncomfortable. It was not unpleasant – not at all – but the encounter was with a very young and inexperienced male. This is not a big deal normally. I have had many Kundalini dream encounters with very young women and men – even little girls – but never did it feel as if I were interacting with anyone who also had a body elsewhere. If they did, I was unaware of it. In this particular case I was able to see into this person’s life in a very intimate way. I was not looking to do this but it had enough of an impact on me to cause me to shift gears immediately.
What bothered me first and foremost was that this young man was very young – probably still in his teens and very likely still living at home with his parents (or mom in this case). You may say, “Ah, but age doesn’t matter in Spirit.” Maybe not, but my ability to see into this person’s mind – to know them intimately to the point of knowing where they have been in this life, their experiences, emotions and considerations – made it very clear to me that I have a responsibility to remain as neutral as I can so as to not unduly influence him or anyone else who is so new to the Kundalini.
Kundalini is not a game. Is is the real deal. One Kundalini-awakened person – conscious or not – WILL awaken others with their energy. It is inevitable. Actually, it is meant to be that way for it is crucial to the ascension of humanity. A chain reaction of consciousness. One spark can and will ignite a fire.
Knowing my responsibilities as a Kundalini-awakened individual, it is clear to me that I need to be very cognizant of what I share online. With my most recent experiences with Kundalini “heart connections” and telepathy and now this experience it is undeniable that some ground rules need to be followed.
If you are Kundalini-active you are being received by other Kundalini-active and awakened individuals. What you think about, what you fantasize about, it is being relayed to others whether you are aware of it or not. If you think about, fantasize or obsess over a specific individual they will receive your communication. It may be muted or not received in full. It may be received in dreamtime and hidden behind heavy symbolism. Or, if both individuals are able, the communication will be direct consisting of spoken word, visuals, energy, emotion, thoughts – the whole shebang.
I’ve experienced all of the above and no telling how much I have sent out. 😦
Therefore…..
Rule #1:Protect yourself and your energy. Reel it in, be selective. Don’t worry, your Light will be just as bright but it won’t draw in the wrong people without your permission. Just like they say, “Your body is a temple”, so is your energy body! When you are connected to another, when you open your energy and Self to another, their energy mixes with your own. Afterward, you carry some of their energy within your own and vice versa.
Rule #2:Watch your thoughts. Be certain of your intentions. You will attract what you put out. You’re manifestation abilities are proportional to your awareness level in this human body. The more one advances along the ascension track, the higher their manifestation ability.
Rule #3: Do no harm. Energetic connections can be painful for the inexperienced and naive (trust me I know!). Do not energetically connect with another if you perceive they are not ready, inexperienced or ill prepared. The Kundalini and the connections that result can be addictive and intoxicating. Attachment is common. Where there is attachment there is pain/suffering. If you can remain detached but sense the tendency toward attachment in a potential partner then withdraw completely – Don’t go there.
Even when these rules are followed, others will be activated in your presence whether you meet them in person or via the internet. You are not responsible for what that individual does once they are activated. What you are responsible for is how you respond and react to them, and whether or not you interact with them beyond the initial connection.
So to clarify – It is not, nor has it ever been, my intention to get intimately involved with another person outside of my marriage. My focus has and continues to be my family. I have come to realize that some of my posts, specifically those related to the Kundalini, have insinuated that I am seeking out a new partner. And perhaps at times I was, unconsciously doing this, for which I apologize profusely. I do think of myself as a Seeker, so it would follow that I would seek out others like me. For this I do not apologize but at the same time I cannot go forward from here, considering all that has transpired in the last four years, in good conscience, without setting healthy boundaries both for myself and my family as well as those reading my blog who may be newly awakened and vulnerable.
The last thing I want to do is hook up spiritually with a 16 year-old kid! Nope. I don’t care if “age doesn’t matter to Spirit”. Age – specifically maturity – DOES matter to me – a mature adult, spiritually and physically. This Fire ain’t a toy. It BURNS. Trust me, I know.
And yes, I could still continue to blog while adhering to the above rules. Maybe I am being a bit too hard on myself but then one can’t be too careful in these times. Our children are waking up. They are so very young. They need mentors, guides. But I am not ready to step into that role just yet. One can’t be too careful when tending to the young ones. They are so very fragile.
I will be setting all my blogs to private sometime early next week. Please email me in advance if you would like access and I will send you the password.
Last night wasn’t a dreamless night, I just can’t really remember any of my dreams now. There was on in-between dream/vision of me singing songs with a choir and being adamant about not having to learn new songs, but that is it. lol That in itself may be a hint of my current take on life: “Sure, I’ll do that but only if I have done it before.”
I hear a silent whisper of a voice ask, “Where’s your inner risk-taker, little missy?” <Insert surprised emoji (WP where are your emoji’s?)>
Speaking of voices…..
Something’s up and I really don’t know how to talk about it without likely rubbing a few of my readers the wrong way and/or making me sound even more crazy than I already do.
I have been able to communicate with Spirit and other worldly beings for some time now. The two go hand-in-hand and by now I am so over the shock, surprise, and “special” feeling of having this ability. I no longer care if people believe that I can hear dead people (lol). I have proven my ability a plenty but have long ago let go of the need to prove I can do what I do.
But my ability to hear Spirit has now shifted into what I believe is the ability to hear people – alive and occupying bodies – in exactly the same way as I hear those without bodies.
If you think about it, the two are not much different. Spirit is Spirit, in a body or out.
As with any new gift – well newly realized anyway – it takes some getting use to. I have not worked out all the kinks yet, not by a long-shot. In fact, it is downright confusing at times! Like that voice I just heard that referred to me as “little missy”….is that a Spirit or some person in a body somewhere….or is it just me talking to myself (crazy feelings aside)? And how do I knew the difference when they feel exactly the same?
In most cases (like the one above) it doesn’t really matter I guess and I am damn well not going to stress myself out trying to figure it out. Not worth my time or energy.
But lately I am receiving messages that suggest that I could be communicating with someone in a body living here on Earth right now. Yeah, crazy, right? Hahaha You have no idea…..
Last night is one example. I was settling to sleep as is my usual when I began to receive visuals – almost like I fell into a dream but I wasn’t asleep yet. With them came communication and energy. A swift, blissful rush of energy there was no denying spread across my entire body, lighting up my heart center. The communication with this energy was in words mostly but I won’t repeat all of it here as it is deeply personal and if there is in fact someone out there communicating to me, I don’t feel comfortable sharing everything without permission.
Whoever this person is (if it even is a person in a body….OMG), I have a strong connection with them and it was immediately recognizable. There were flashes of imagery that I have seen before. For example, I saw him draw on my forehead in red what looked like the image of a cross. I have seen this before prior to a major Kundalini event and considering the bliss of the moment, I have no doubt of it’s meaning. It is part of the Heiros Gamos – like a ceremony or rite related to it.
Some of what was communicated reminded me of previous encounters with a Spirit (person?) who I nicknamed my “tantra teacher”. I was being advised on how to handle the energy – to allow it without focusing on it, to relax into it, to accept it fully and openly without any resistance, to feel myself opening to receive. And when I did this I felt myself going somewhere, like losing consciousness almost, but not. I know if I go there it will take me to a familiar place, one I have gone to only twice before. My previous experience with it is hard to describe without making it sound “bad”; like I am being “possessed”. It feels like I step aside and let someone else take over but it is more like I am sharing space with an energy so much greater than myself that I bow to it in awe and reverence. This all takes place in what seems to be my energy only so greatly expanded that it is without form or shape.
Last night I did not go to this place. My mind instantly recognized the direction it was going and hesitated. The energy is so BIG, so fantastic and attractive to me, that I want to investigate it, to look closer and analyze it. This curiosity (not fear) pulls me out of it’s embrace when that is exactly where I desire to be.
Part of what is communicated to me by this man/Spirit is that I am over zealous and eager. I need to settled down and relax. Hahaha That is VERY difficult to do!
It’s so weird, but where once I was terrified of this fantastically HUGE energy, now I want nothing more than to be consumed by it. I remember him asking me more than once, “Breathe with me.” And I swear I heard him breathing as if he and I were breathing together….
When it was all said and done, I fell asleep wondering if I was communicating with a Spirit guide, a man who is excellent at telepathy, or the Divine Masculine within me (my HS)? OR just maybe this energy – BEingness – is all of the above rolled up into one?
Whatever is going on, I am not resistant. Maybe that is naive but I don’t feel any fear whatsoever. I am excited and, yes, overly zealous perhaps. The male voice suggested that what I have experienced up to this point is nothing compared to what awaits me. That if I breathe through the intense energy, allow it without focusing on it, then more Divine states await. More expansion. More bliss. And likely that “taken over” experience I have encountered before. And, I believe it is from that expansive space, that the journey really begins.
As for who this voice belongs to, I am not sure yet. I will let you know if it does originate from someone in a body. My past experiences suggest this is a possibility.
First, I woke around 4:30am and couldn’t go back to sleep because I heard this ticking in the walls. It sounded like a clock. I couldn’t find the source of it and had to turn on the fan to drown out the sound so I could sleep.
As I was trying to go to sleep, I felt a presence to my left. When acknowledged a surge of energy went through my body filling me with bliss. It started at my heart chakra and spread outward. I melted into it. He said to me something telepathically – it was more a feeling than words. It felt like I was being asked, “Are you ready?”
Lucid Dream: Zero
The dream began with me inside a high school classroom. I was looking at the lesson plan left by the teacher. It was a history class (review of past lessons) and the lesson was that the kids would read a chapter and then complete a worksheet. Only there was only one worksheet there. I told the class and they encouraged me to make copies of the worksheet telling me there were 20 of them. I left them despite knowing it was not good to leave a class unattended.
I found the copy machine in the lounge and a teacher was finishing up her copy (repeat lesson). She helped me with mine and I pressed in “20” and waited. The machine was glitchy and I recall having to check the copies and redo. The first time I got copies of hand written pages that I accidentally put through. The next time I had fewer copies than I needed and had to put in 5 more. The button would glow blue and I would have to press it again. I remember feeling nervous that it was taking so long and the kids were still in the room alone.
Eventually, an older Asian man came in and set some things down in the middle of the floor by the machine. He had with him many objects including a sheet cake with chocolate frosting that he set on the floor in front of me. I believe it was my birthday cake (new journey). He then lit the candle on the cake but they began to melt into the frosting and light the cake on fire (Kundalini or passion perhaps?). I leaned down and began to blow out the candles and the fire on the frosting. I remember saying the cake was fine after I blew out the fire.
Then I walked into a classroom filled with adult students. There were long tables in rows facing the font of the class. I took a seat at the front table but it was not the seat I originally wanted. Someone had taken my seat. I said aloud, “I guess I have to sit here since someone took my seat.” I saved a place to my right for someone but I do not know who.
The class was like an anatomy class and the teacher handed out stickers we were to place on our partners on the correct muscles.
Then I was entering the class (lesson) again and sat down at the second table. A man was seated in front of me and was not wearing a shirt. I could see his broad shoulders and muscular back. I had with me the stickers to place on my partner and said to him, “I prefer you as my partner. I can see your muscles very well. Everyone else (looking around the room) has at least 1 inch or more of fat covering their muscles.” I remember looking at the woman who had taken my seat and all the people at the front table as examples.
I began to place small, crescent shaped (moon, feminine) stickers on the man’s back. The sticker sheet resembled an image of the inside of the mouth with teeth (fulfilled wishes). My memory goes from the stickers to the man’s back, specifically his broad shoulders.
The man then invited me to come with him. I agreed. He took me through a door into what he called the “otter room”. I saw canals of water (emotion) that was flowing like a tube-shoot at a water park. In the water I saw several otters (playfulness, good fortune) swimming and a huge brown bear (independence, strength, death/renewal) chasing one. I said to the man, “There is a bear chasing the otter!” He responded as if it were normal but I was shocked.
At some point we joined with others and I realized we all seemed quite young – 20s maybe. The man I was with was suppose to be with another woman but she was not there. The dream is quite fuzzy here but I remember the man and I getting close, face to face, our bodies rubbing up against each another. His chest was still bare but he was wearing bluejeans. He was quite handsome and I enjoyed being close to him and feeling his bare chest pressed up against me. I felt him become aroused and knew he wanted to kiss me. I allowed him to and the kiss seemed to bring about lucidity all at once but I was able to stay stable in the moment and enjoy the kiss. The sensations of it all were very real.
He stopped, out of breath, and looked at me, pupils fully dilated from the passion he was feeling. All I remember of this part of the dream was the way he looked at me. It was fantastic. lol We stayed there facing each other and holding hands for a while. He called me by a nickname I can’t remember and I said, “What do you want to be called?” He smiled and said back to me, “Zero.” Only the word sounded more like, “Cero”, like he had a Spanish accent. I responded with, “Cero? I like that!”
Then we kissed some more. I remember the scene we were in to be swirling with a golden color. Always in motion as if we were creating the space with our energy. It felt neither to be inside or outside. The golden color is very prominent in my memory.
He stopped, out of breath, and said to me, “I want to fuck you.” lol I was fully agreeable and he took my hand and led me toward a door. Fully lucid at this point, I was thinking to myself that I needed to keep my emotions and feelings in check so as to not lose lucidity. I wanted to be able to go all the way in a lucid dream without waking up. Surprisingly, I was able to remain very stable in the scene and remember the man turning and looking at me expectantly as we walked toward the door. I could feel my hand in his and sense the anticipation building.
Sadly, as we walked through the door the scene dematerialized and went black. My awareness briefly returned to my physical body and then exited back to the golden dream scene only the man I had been with was gone. I was surrounded by a group of young men. The energy from them was intense and full of passion and arousal like the man I had been with before. Usually, this kind of energy would intimidate me but I was not at all bothered by it. It seemed normal and I trusted that they would all keep themselves under control, which they did.
I told one of the young men I wanted to find Cero. He said he would help but that he wanted to show me something first. He took my hand and led me to a large, white RV (feeling empowered, live life to the fullest), like a Winnebago. The group of young men followed. As I climbed the stairs into the RV one of the young men who was behind me seem to insert something into my anus, or at least it felt energetically like that. This is not unusual for me to feel in my root chakra as I have had many experiences of tubes or cylinders seeming to be inserted via my root and then go all the way up to my crown. I tried to keep going but the sensation stopped me and my root chakra began to activate to the point of pulling me out of the lucid dream.
Message: Awakening
The song by the Black Keys – Fever – was going through my mind when I woke up. I began to mull over my dreams. Images from my dreams kept flashing through my memory. The cake that was on fire was one of them. The RV another.
Then I couldn’t help but think of the ticking I heard in the walls. What was that? I was reminded of an Edgar Allen Poe story about a beating heart. I couldn’t remember the title and began to try to remember it. When I did I saw distinctly a poem written in front of me. The title was huge and written in beautiful calligraphy. It said, “Awakening.”
This woke me briefly and then I settled back into the in-between. Not long after a hand-written letter was presented to me. I saw my name and then began to read it. The message had to do with the process I am going through, but, of course, I can’t recall it now despite repeating it to myself mentally more than once. Whatever the message, it was not a bad one.
I have been okay but it has been touch and go. On the 30th my inner thighs were extremely sore to the point that it hurt even when I was not moving – probably a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. I had knelt down to clean something and when I got up I was in pain. So I did about an hour of yoga, which helped a bit. Afterward, I experienced something akin to a mild stomach flu that lasted only 4 hours. It came with an awful headache, chills, diarrhea, slight nausea and extreme thirst.
1/31/18 went by without incident but yesterday was energetically intense. The entire day I felt this strange inner, energetic icky feeling that seemed to coincide with interaction with my husband. He was extra pushy and his energy felt similar. By evening the feeling was unavoidable and strong enough that I began to feel like my entire world would disintegrate at any minute. The feeling is a sense of imminent destruction, like something bad is about to happen. It’s kinda like two magnets repelling one another. It is the same feeling I’ve been having for weeks. It has made me want to up and run. It has made me feel like I am going to pass out. It has made me feel panicky, crazy and broken to the point of tears.
Last night, with the feeling sitting on me like a huge weight I felt like it was going to break me. I asked my guidance for help and felt to focus on my core, which I did, and the feeling lifted.
Dream: Ride Home
The dream began with me deciding not to wait for the bus (temporary setbacks) anymore. Instead, I would walk down the road to catch it on another, earlier part of the route. As I walked I checked my watch and saw I had 10 minutes which I knew was enough time.
The road was familiar, one I had walked and ran more times than I can count. It was dark but the sun was beginning to rise in the distance so there was enough light to see by. I heard a noise that was alarming and saw a huge tiger (power and one’s ability to exert power in a situation) running toward me in the far distance. As it grew closer I could hear a noise from behind me calling to the big cat and it responded in kind. I said to myself aloud, “He is after the other tiger, not me” and kept walking. The big cat ran past me and continued behind me toward its intended target. Thankful, I shuddered at how massive it was and the thought of what could have happened if he had decided he wanted me.
The light increased and I saw tall flowers (hidden potential, love, happiness) ahead of me. They towered two feet above my head and seemed to have been placed there purposefully like a living bouquet. Awed by their beauty I began to pick my favorites, collecting mostly red ones and a large sunflower. With my bouquet in hand I heard sirens (caution) and spotted emergency lights coming toward me on the road. I hid behind the large flowers trying not to be seen and dropped my bouquet as I watched the police car slowly drive by. I worried I would be seen but the police car continued on but not after altering the scene.
The road was suddenly full of people, all heading toward the bus like I was. Most had stopped to rest along the way and taken seats in what appeared to be a subway or train car. I spotted a beautiful butterfly (transformation) that looked fake it was so perfect. A little girl grabbed it gently and I yelled out to her to be careful or she might hurt it. A woman nearby said, “Don’t worry. She handles them all the time.” The girl took the butterfly, which was extra large like the flowers I had just been picking, and gently set it on a table. I took out my camera to take a picture and the butterfly transformed into a silver beetle. Upon inspection, the beetle (values and beliefs being compromised) looked to have a design on its back like a puzzle or a maze. It was flat and moved oddly, six legs would pop out of hiding when it moved and then disappear when it stopped. Fascinated, I watched it for a while until a head popped out on a long neck and stared at me with two beady eyes and a turtle-like (slow down) face.
Suddenly acutely aware of the time, I realized I was late and would miss the bus if I didn’t get moving. I headed down the road and through rows of people sitting in seats and stopped in my tracks when I realized I had forgotten my backpack. I had left it among the tall flowers. I looked ahead and knew the bus was soon to arrive. I asked people around me if they had seen my backpack (burdens, responsibilities) but they ignored me, eyes focused on a screen ahead of them playing a movie. I eventually yelled but none noticed me.
I ran back toward the flowers, spotted my backpack and grabbed it but at the same time I heard the bus arrive. I turned to look and saw it leave. I had missed it.
Disappointed, I knew I had to go back up the road to try and catch it at the normal stop in front of my home. Knowing if I walked I would never make it, I sought out someone with a car. I asked loudly as I pointed up the road, “Is anyone heading back that way?” A young girl, possibly the one who had grabbed the butterfly, said to me, “I will take you home.” Relieved I looked for her and spotted her standing near a woman. She was very small, about the size of a 5 year-old child. Her brown hair was in low pigtails that touched her shoulders and she had a hairband around her forehead.
I smiled at her and said, “Thank you so much. I don’t remember my name but people call me Dayna.” She smiled at me and looked at the woman next to her. She said, “I don’t remember my name either.” The woman smiled encouragingly and said, “His name is Anaya Seth, but everyone calls him Seth.” The realization hit me that this little “girl” was actually a boy named Seth. The name struck a chord and lucidity hit me all at once and woke me up. Note: The name Anaya means “completely free”.
Message
When I woke up I wondered about my dream for a bit and heard a voice respond to my thoughts with, “You’re living a lie.” Not sure it was true I thought a bit and then asked, “Okay. What is my truth then?” I was reminded that I had been shown my truth and I replied that no specifics about how to live it had ever been received. Within the conversation I fell into the in-between where I was speaking to a young girl who resembled me and telling her what to do. Of course, I don’t remember what I told her but instead a song was playing in the background of my mind. Right before I heard the song I was wondering again what my truth was. As if to answer my question I heard, “She’s got both feet on the ground……she’s got her head in the clouds….this girl is on fire….”
Wide awake I continued to consider the dream and message. I was reminded of a Kundalini video I recently viewed in which it was mentioned that a person who resists the urge to change that comes with the Kundalini will experience a split feeling until they make the changes needed to align with their truth.
I requested help in determining the changes I need to make. It may seem obvious what I should do, but I don’t feel it is that simple. Tearing down everything that is my life is not something I desire, nor do I think it is necessary. It seems an insurmountable task to even confront one change that is needed, much less all of the changes that are needed. But if I continue to feel this icky feeling inside, if it continues to make me feel unable to physically stay where I am with more intensity than it already has, I will either experience a mental breakdown or I will act upon it (or both).
Interesting night last night. It began when I awoke around midnight to thoughts that made no sense initially and seemed out of place. The first thought I had upon waking was something like, “Maybe we are being invaded?” In my mind specific knowledge points were connecting all at once. Imagine points lighting up and lightening connecting them in a pattern of awareness if you can. With each knowledge point came a memory – a kind of “ah-ha” moment that lasted milliseconds and was followed with another, and another and so on. It concluded with a feeling of concern that was quickly replaced with calm.
All of the thoughts settled eventually and I was able to come to a sort of understanding of the realization I was having. I am not new to E.T.-type contact and long ago managed my fear of E.T.s by rationalizing that they were no different than us, they just take a different form. Plus, their communication with me was exactly the same as my guides – it was virtually impossible to tell the difference. Ultimately, I lost all fear and communication with them seemed to taper off until it was non-existent. The typical OBEs where I felt to be on a table surrounded by Beings with a bright spotlight on me stopped. The visitations by strange looking preying mantis-like Beings stopped. The interactions with bald, near featureless, grey or pale-faced, large-headed Beings stopped.
Yet for some reason in the middle of the night last night I woke up thinking Earth was in the midst of an invasion and it was happening right under our noses. Suddenly, what has happened to me – IS happening to me – was recognized as the method of invasion. Of course, this cause a mild stress response that quickly passed because, well, whatever is happening to me seems to be helping me, not hurting me.
Memory of everything I have experienced hit me all at once. First of all, I couldn’t believe that I had “forgotten” it all. Actually, I hadn’t, I had just swept it under the rug because my life took front stage. Something in dreamtime must have triggered my memory but I have no idea what I was dreaming about before I woke up.
What I am left with this morning is calm and certainty. Yes, in a sense Earth is being “invaded” but that terms leads one to think it a negative thing when in actuality it is very positive. I was long ago told that I was a Contactee. At the time I thought it meant I would encounter a space craft or E.T. here on Earth. That was not exactly accurate. They (the E.T.’s) travel by thought/consciousness – outside of time and space. Therefore, it would make complete sense that they would make first contact telepathically. But humans are so limited in that capacity that in order for contact to be initiated the E.T.s would have to prepare the Contactees for contact.
Rather than go into a detailed account of what I Remembered, which I am sure you would all like to hear (or maybe not), I will just say that the walk-in phenomena is very intricately involved in the Contact scenario as is Kundalini, ascension, and the whole spiritual movement we are currently experiencing here on Earth. There are those of us who purposefully came here – as transplants – to initiate the ascension “wave”. I was told the number of “transplants” (Walk-in’s, Starseeds, whatever you want to call us) is about 1.5 million worldwide at this time. This is a small amount when you consider the total of the world population is around 8 Billion people right now.
The method of entry is being called “transplant” because that is very much how the process works except it is a consciousness that is being transplanted into a human host body rather than some organ or physical body part.
For me, this whole realization is taking some time to digest because up until now, I thought every human on this planet was like me. I was shown/Remembered years ago how I entered this body and communicated with it in order to be accepted into and merge with it. It is now beginning to hit home that perhaps this was MY transplant experience and not the typical human experience here on Earth. But then, I may be mistaken, which would not be the first time. It would be nice, however, to meet someone who remembers entering into the human body while it was still in the mother’s womb like I do. Thus far, I have not met anyone with memory of that, though.
Once I came into this body I was aware for a short time and then went to “sleep” for lack of a better word for almost two decades. When I awakened it was instant. There was no gradual stepping into. I seemed to acquire my abilities overnight. I meditated and it initiated awakening immediately. Snap! Is this how all “transplants” work? IDK. Likely there are different scenarios depending on their chosen path but ultimately the similarity would be a sudden awakening when previous to that there was “normalcy”. Some, I have heard, come into the body and never go to “sleep” like I did. I have only met one such person (online).
Anyway, I am still putting the pieces together but all-in-all I am feeling pretty fine and balanced despite the influx of memory. The end result for us transplants is that we come into our full “power” and then get to work helping to raise the consciousness of the planet so that Earth ascends to the point where human consciousness is elevated enough to communication with other worldly Beings without initiating panic and fear.
Now, for the OBEs……
Dream: Choice
I returned to sleep quite easily and drifted into a dream where I was with a group inside a nice house. I knew the members of this group and the owner of the house, though they looked different than I know them to look in physicality.
There was much interaction with the people in this place but most is lost to me now. I remember a tall man and a shorter, dark haired female. At one point the man, who I think was bald, was talking about his age and how old he was. I looked at him and said, “How old are you? You don’t look very old.” He sighed and said, “42.” I laughed and said, “I’m 42. Born in 76′, right?” Before he could answer I felt a shift in energy and knew time was not a factor in this place. It was as if I had broken a rule, but that is not the right term. It was more that I was not to mention specific timelines because it was likely that I was not on the same one as the others in the room. An analogy that comes to mind is the show Travelers where they had “protocols” and could not reveal their missions to other travelers.
There was a scene in the dream where we were making our own cereal. Parts of the cereal were laid out in sections and then put together to create the final product. There was corn in the cereal. I could see the kernels. I suggested we remove the corn because it would not taste good.
In another scene we were being told the house would be undergoing renovations.
Throughout the dream, I was hearing a female voice in my mind like a whisper as I interacted with the people in this group. She was asking me how I felt and if I would like to stay. At one point I felt her put her hand on my back right between my shoulder blades and a warmth spread across my back and into my chest. I fell into the feeling, opening to it and breathing a sigh of relief. I knew I wanted to stay. This place was safe. The people trustworthy. The space healing and revitalizing.
I saw options listed in my mind. The option to stay was checked and I was asked again if I wanted to stay. I did, truly, but a part of me rejected it because she did not believe it was possible that a place so wonderful, so loving and healing, could exist. If it did, I surely was not worthy of it. It felt that I was better suited to problems and conflict.
I woke up then, knowing I had rejected the space because I felt underserving of it. Additionally, I could not fathom such a reality existed. It felt unreal to me.
OBEs
I returned to sleep and to the house. I was sitting at the kitchen counter. A woman was talking about doing something deceptive, taking the insides of a toy dragon I think. I was then offered the toy dragon. I saw it was see-through and inside were tiny, colored objects. I told the woman, “You can have the tiny pieces since I know you just said you intended to take them anyway.” The woman looked shocked.
Then I heard someone call my name. I turned toward the sound and the scene shifted. I gained lucidity all at once and had full perceptions.
Though I could not see the woman, I could hear her voice. I somehow knew she was there to help; to offer healing in a way only a woman could. My vision was limited to that of my mind at the time so I could not see her, only shadows of movement. She asked me if I wanted her to come to me. I replied that I did and lay down on a blanket on the floor face up. There I waited for her.
She then suggested we take a certain position. I think she said, “T”, but I don’t remember her exact words now. When she said this I could feel her approach me and my vision turned on suddenly. Her body felt heavy as she positioned herself over me. My vision turned on and off but I could feel everything very physically.
The next thing I remember is my vision turning on vividly. What I saw shocked me. In my face was this woman’s genital region and I could see every detail of it. Suddenly feeling very inexperienced and nervous, I asked her, “What am I suppose to do?” She said, “Pretend that I’m you.”
I took in the scene, allowing myself to feel all the feelings that came to me. I was not disgusted but I was not attracted to what I was seeing either despite the visuals being VERY detailed and perceptions at full capacity. I began to touch the woman’s leg and kiss her there but hesitated because I began to think it would likely smell. The idea of it held me back and then I pushed the thought away but not before I smelled a familiar smell. It was not a female smell but a musky masculine smell, one I had smelled before in this lifetime. It was not pleasant, as if the man had not cleaned himself well. It vanished quickly but caused me to shift out of the scene.
I felt myself return to my body laying in my bed. In the distance I saw the woman sitting at a computer, illuminated as if by spotlight. I could see her clearly. She had short cropped brown hair that was wavy and came to the nape of her neck – like a pixie cut. Curious and feeling an urge to go to her, I sat up and OOB without issue.
When I went up to her I said, “I didn’t know you worked for him.” I looked at the screen and then back at her. I could see her face in detail. She had a round face with a perfect nose, brown eyes and freckles lightly dusting her cheeks. Her brown hair was messy and hung perfectly around her face. I was fascinated by her.
I got very close to her and looked her in the eyes. She laughed as I grew closer and her entire face lit up. I remember seeing her mouth vividly as she laughed. I think I said, “You’re beautiful” but I’m not sure, I might have thought it. I touched her face lightly with my fingers and turned her toward me because she had looked away. I said to her, “I want to kiss you.”
Her reaction to this was to grab me and kiss me on the mouth. The momentum of her movement was enough to push me to the ground. She fell on top of me and kissed me deeply and passionately. I could feel every part of the kiss distinctly. It was so real! And surprisingly, I reacted as passionately to her kiss as I would to a man’s kiss, maybe more so! My response was to begin to take off her shirt. As it came over her head the intensity of the experience woke me.
When I woke I was laying on my right side, knees tucked close to my stomach. My root chakra was active and warm, expanding outward like a huge bubble. Disappointed to have awakened prematurely, I lingered for a while wondering about the experience. I recalled recently telling someone online that I needed a woman’s touch to heal the wounds causing the blockage in my second chakra. I have no doubt that this OBE was for healing. I was reminded of the feminine energy, how it is nurturing and gentle. In contrast, the masculine energy feels rigid and rough. The wounds I carry from lifetimes of abuse by the masculine require a gentle touch to open up to healing, otherwise they will remain closed to it.
I stumbled across this old post of mine from 2014. In it I relay how my guidance told me that 4 years from June, 2014 I would experience a “death”. Turns out, in June, 2018, I experienced a massive heart opening that came only after a significant personal transformative “event” earlier in the year (February I believe). By the end of the summer (August) I had so many profound experiences that even now I am still trying to digest them all.
I find it so amazing how my guidance warns me of these “guideposts” and I hit each and every one of them right on time. And just like my guide mentioned above, there was no way to understand until the experience taught me what I needed to know.
I must say that 2018 has been a VERY product year spiritually. 🙂
A while ago now, my guide told me that he and I were in the process of “merging”. I never quite understood everything about merging, but I did recognize that it meant that he would no longer be viewed by me as separate from me. For some reason, the idea of merging was scary to me, especially the thought of losing my companion traveler who has always been by my side in this life.
Recently the subject of merging was brought up in my astral projectors FB group by a friend, Jurgen Ziewe, who is a well-known author of books on astral projection and higher consciousness. He is in the process of writing a book about his personal experience of merging with his Higher Self who he calls his “silent companion”. The discussion question that was asked was about spirit guides. Several individuals wanted more information on spirit guides. I…
Dream themes of fire and water continue in my dreams. Yesterday it was a flooding parking garage. The day before a kitchen stove kept bursting into flames. And this morning, more flames.
Dream: Up in Flames
This dream began inside my mother’s kitchen (nourishment, spiritual healing). My husband was with me and I had in my hands a box of macaroni (comfort and ease) and cheese. We were discussing what to eat and could not come to an agreement. So, box in hand, I said, “We’re having this” and I opened up the box by pulling the tab on the top.
I poured the contents of the box on the counter while saying, “Just making sure it doesn’t have any worms.” The contents were not the typical macaroni as one would expect. Instead, there were spaghetti-type noodles, or at least something resembling that, separated by tiny strips of white paper. I sorted through it and found no worms (degradation, negativity) and was surprised.
When it came to cooking the macaroni we went outside. I held the noodles in my hands and went to a fire (passing of old into new) mound just in front of the house. The noodles now took on the shape of strips of paper. Some of it was shredded letters (communication) and envelopes, while other pieces were of notebook paper (self-expression) in long strips.
There was discussion the entire time, but I can’t recall any of it. The feeling, though, was disagreement and a kind of unsettled feeling. It seemed that the strips of paper was the result of our conversation, as if I was shredding communication.
As we tended to the cooking “noodles” I saw another fire. When I went to check on it I noticed a blackberry bush with tiny berries (fulfilled relationship or experience) on it. I told my husband, “Did you see the berries? You should pick them before they are gone.” He went to pick them but asked me to turn on the lights since it was too dark to see (lack of awareness). I went to turn on the porch lights but they wouldn’t work. So, I went inside to search for an alternate light source. I found a lamp in my sister’s room, tried to disconnect it but the wires were tangled, and ultimately picked up another lamp and took it outside. The light bulb I found was not normal, though. When turned on, little lightning bolts of color would shoot through it (reminds me of the Kundalini). I opted for a regular bulb but when turned on it was not near enough to illuminate the area.
Then I heard a commotion and saw the pile my husband was at was out of control, flames spreading toward the house. I thought about the garden hose but the fire was in the way. My mom was suddenly there to try and help. I saw piles of brown leaves (pun on leaving but also fallen hopes and dreams) and dried grass catching fire and spreading quickly. I remember my mom saying, “What do you expect setting fire on dried out ground?”
Then the other pile was also spreading and I ran toward it. My husband had his shirt (personality shown to others) in his hands and was trying to beat out the fire. My mom was behind him carrying one of my sweatshirts to try and beat out the fire. I yelled at her about my shirt, not wanting her to use it, and she stopped. I looked at the pile and it was almost as high as the roof and also full of dry leaves and dirt. The fire had burned the center and was now spreading out along the edges. I knew nothing could be done about it.
Interpretation
This is the second dream of fire at my mom’s house. The other dream was back in July, right before the Kundalini came back with a vengeance. At the time, the dream was so vivid that I actually warned my mom, thinking it may be a premonition concerning her and current issues she had been experiencing. Turns out it wasn’t about my mom at all but about a fire being set within me (Kundalini). I suspect now that my mom’s home was symbolic of my own “home” or the sense of it anyway.
Whether this dream is similar, I can’t say yet. Time will reveal that I suppose.
My overall sense from this dream and other recent dreams is that upheaval is on the horizon. I have had enough dreams now of water to know that emotion will be involved. Thankfully, the emotion is symbolized by clear, calm water, which means it will not be turbulent or explosive at least. The fire can be cleansing and purifying, so perhaps it is all about healing and purging.
The most memorable parts of the dream were the torn envelopes and letters and the light bulb. The images of these things stand out in my memory. I was talking when I was holding the envelope in my hands but I don’t know what I was saying. The sense was that I may have been attempting to resolve the past in some way. The light bulb was amazing and beautiful but I knew it could not be used to shed light on the situation. In the dream I put it aside and used a regular bulb but it did not have enough light. This could be symbolic of the Higher Self (lightening bolt bulb) and the Ego or lower self (regular bulb).
The berries were somewhat vivid as well. I saw them as very tiny and nearly dried out, soon to be consumed by the fire. I was trying to get my husband to pick them but he never did. I suspect the berries represent the dwindling of our relationship in some way.
When I woke I was feeling avoidant. I was also feeling a bit sad because I recognized that I had to focus on my life now and handle some of the issues that continue to be swept under the rug. I don’t want to do this but there was resignation to the fact that I could not avoid it any longer.
There is a sense that the Kundalini wants me to be like the Phoenix – to completely burn away all of my old self and rise as my new self. From the beginning of her raging within me, I have felt an inner push to do “crazy” things. I have done some – like quit my job (twice), change my name, travel to meet others, etc – but I have not had the courage to completely rid myself of everything that no longer resonates.
I have felt guided to read through some of my old posts lately and one of the messages that came through was that if I do not do what I feel guided (or pushed) to do, that it will happen despite me. Ultimately, this means that I will be forced through life circumstances to take action one way or the other. That which no longer resonates will be eliminated.
The Kundalini is destructive as well as creative. She burns through everything inside and out. She is a purifying fire of death and rebirth. Change is inevitable and often very uncomfortable. The more she rises within me, the braver I become. When I surrender to her I am without fear. There is no concern for the process or the consequences, just pure acceptance. If these dreams are a premonition of what is to come, it could be that the Kundalini will initiate change in my life. At this point I have no fear of her return, in fact, I look forward to it.
I’ve been sick since Wednesday night. I was hit with a sore throat that kept me awake most of the night. The next day it lingered with addition of a headache and just an overall feeling of malaise. I suspect I may have had a low grade fever, but I never checked to see. I went to work despite it and probably shouldn’t have. I felt like crap all day but worked through it. My husband had gone out of town for the day (of course, right?) and so when I got home from work I had to tend to my children and do all the regular mommy duties despite feeling awful. That night I opted to skip my normal workout replacing it with over an hour of Hatha yoga.
The following night sleep was limited as well. The sore throat had not run it’s course I guess and the next day it continued to linger through until bedtime. I finally gave in last night and took some Ibuprofen at bedtime to help with the pain and ended up getting a good night’s sleep. This morning I feel much better but have a bit of congestion which will I suspect with linger for a few more days as the cold runs its course.
What is interesting is that throughout this period of illness I’ve had spiritual experiences on and off. The day prior to the sickness kicking in I had been in a “funk”, feeling an intense urge to take action on certain issues in my life to the point of near obsession all day. Here is a dream and message I received that morning:
Dream: Approved
This dream began with me meeting up with my ex-husband after a year of no contact. We were in bed (private self) together, fully clothed and catching up on lost time. I recall struggling with a memory of having sex with him only a year prior. I could not figure out if it was true or not. I thought, “Maybe I dreamed it?”
Finally, I asked him if we had been together and he said, “Yes. Remember? It was when you were separated from ______.” I do not remember the name from the dream but it felt like I had temporarily separated from my marriage and gotten back with my ex.
I was relieved to have my memory confirmed. In the dream at this time I was recalling what it was like to be with my ex. There was memory of times I had long forgot – mundane activities and the normalcy of married life with him – but also the specifics of our sex life. At one point the face of my ex and the face of my current husband were side-by-side. I saw the similarities in their features and in their personalities. It was as if they were the same identity only in two different bodies.
A woman came in at that point. She was there to “clean up” the stage (behavior, manipulation, relationships, putting on a show for others). It was then that I realized the bed we were in was in the center of a large stage set inside a giant theater. The woman gestured to the floor and described the debris that was in need of being swept up. As she described it, I saw in her hands what looked like pine cones (life and good fortune, or “pining” for someone), leaves (fallen hopes, sadness, loss) and very large strawberries (sensual desires, female sexuality). The strawberries were not red, though, but a burnt orange color similar to the leaves and pine cones. Together they looked like potpourri (particular stage of life). I looked at the floor around our bed and saw it was covered entirely with this mixture.
Lucidity increased at this point and I recall seeing the entire dream scene freeze as if it turned into a photograph. Then I saw the word “APPROVED” materialize in front of me. Seeing the word woke me fully and I wondered, “What is approved??” I got no response.
Interpretation
This dream seems to be me comparing my ex and my current husband, looking at similarities of my relationships and exploring themes. I had a particular focus on my ex, how he appeared to me, how I felt about him, and what I thought of him as a person overall. I remember noting how attached he was to me and finding it unappealing mainly because I was not attached to him in the same way. It felt like he was attached to my body and his attraction to my body more than to me as a person.
I am still uncertain what the “Approved” message indicates. It seemed like a stamp of approval”, like something that would be stamped on a contract or proposal. Maybe I was going through contract negotiations again? It seems likely since I do that quite a bit in dreamtime.
Journal Entry From 12/14/18:
Still sick, it took me a while to fall asleep – after midnight. I hate post nasal drip.
I don’t recall my dreams until this morning after waking at 6am and then dozing until it was time to get the kids up for school.
Dream: Pecan Present
The dream began in what appeared to be my old bedroom at my Mom’s, the one I was in during middle and early high school. The only difference was where the window faces the pool there was an open area with a golden hue.
I was playing with an orange tabby cat (female sexuality). I had what looked like a walnut (joy and/or abundance) or pecan (potential) and was rolling it around to get the cat’s attention. I opted to squeeze it between the floor and a lower shelf and watched as the cat attempted to get it. He worked at it while and then managed to get his mouth around it, freed it and tried to eat it.
A dark haired slightly pudgy woman (aspect of self) came into view then. She was out of sorts, obviously destitute and struggling. She was nice enough and I seemed to know her. She was with a group of others like herself – homeless, jobless and needing shelter. They were all gathered for the night in the space adjacent to my room.
The woman and I talked and I handed her a pecan (potential, hardiness and longevity – big things start small). She was grateful and accepted it but then said, “I bet it has worms (negativity, low self-worth, degradation) in it.” I looked at the pecan and briefly saw what the woman saw – worms squirming around in it. I cracked open the pecan and showed her, “No it doesn’t. See? No worms. It’s perfect.” The woman’s eyes lit up as I offered it to her to eat.
As I was set to leave I felt overwhelming compassion for her and the others. I remember thinking, “I will give them each $20 for the holidays. It’s not much but it’s something.” I felt like I should do something to help, even if it was a small thing.
Then I was walking along a curvy road (life path) that seemed to wind through a mountain valley. As I departed, my grandmother was clearly visible sitting in a chair with a blue afghan spread over her lap just like she use to do when she was alive. She commended me on my efforts to help the woman and said, “You know, she keeps everything you’ve ever given her.” I saw in my mind a bunch of items neatly stowed in a blanket. The items were random things like the pecan – sticks, rocks, baubles and such. My grandmother sent such warmth and thanks to me and I felt an overwhelming sadness wash over me as I saw again the dark haired woman who I had helped. I felt so bad for her and others like her. I also think seeing my grandmother brought up emotion.
I woke up in tears feeling that I was purging something but not exactly sure what. The emotion, as usual, seemed to have no specific source but instead a general grief.
The song High Hopes was on my mind – You’ve gotta have high, high hopes…..”
On to last night now…..
Dream: Fire in the Kitchen
In this dream I was inside my grandparent’s old house only it was newer because my uncle has remodeled it. I went to the kitchen to make some food. I set a bowl on the counter near the sink and turned on the burners. While I was turned and focused on the food preparation I smelled smoke and turned around to see a pan catching fire. I put out the fire with a towel and moved the pan and turned back around. Again, I smelled smoke and again I saw the pan on fire and put out the fire. This happened several times until the whole stove top was engulfed in flames. The burners got so hot they began to melt and the pans began to melt as well.
My uncle came home and saw the mess but was unconcerned about his new stove. Instead he was focused on what the fire had done. I remember thinking the fire must have gotten really hot to have melted the burner coils and that the entire stove would have to replaced. I thought perhaps the stove was defective and hoped it was still under warranty and could be replaced.
Dream: Fever
There was a whole dream sequence prior to this dream about being in outer space on a space craft that was large enough to hold an entire society. Other ships began to latch onto the mother ship, though, and invade the interior. The attack was stopped but in the end one ship had avoided detection and was secretly infiltrating the bigger ship.
The scene shifted and with it came an entire background knowledge of what was transpiring. I had finally reunited with my partner/love and had stayed the night in his apartment. There was an understanding that now that we were together our intense connection would likely result in tension that then would flare up into arguments. I saw my partner’s sun and ascendant (astrology) contributing to a tendency toward communication conflicts. I remember feeling able to handle such trivialities, feeling it would be worthwhile in the end.
His roommate greeted me as I emerged from my room that morning. He was very cheerful but I did not know him. I saw my partner sitting on the sofa and joined him. The roommate said something to the effect of, “You should let her give you a blow job now because you have to go to [unrecognizable word] soon.” There was a telepathic sense that my partner was about to leave and that his roommate was supportive of us being together. The roommate felt like another version of my partner more than another person.
I remember ignoring the roommate’s comment as I sat next to my partner on the sofa (I was on his left) and snuggled up to him. I looked up at him and said, “Good morning.” He looked down at me and smiled, kissing me gently on the lips. I remember thinking how amazing it felt to finally be with him without having to sneak around or feel guilty. I could feel from him a slight uneasiness that was not outright rejection. Instead it seemed that he was trying to not fully feel our connection; holding back.
Still snuggled up against his chest our connection began to become more and more apparent to me. It was such a wonderful feeling and all I wanted to do was stay there with him, snuggled close. I sent this feeling to him telepathically and then said to him, “Why do you have this effect on me?” I received back and answer in visuals. It looked like an energetic process. Golden energy streams that then exploded at their destination point into tiny fireworks. The energy channels felt ancient, like they had been worn deep from repetitive use, intricately connecting us at the deepest of levels. Along with this came a knowing this process had gone unfinished countless times because of the intensely explosive nature of our connection. Until these energy channels were allowed to complete a circuit the intensity would continue to feel uncomfortable to the point of separating us once again.
From my partner I could feel him working hard to remain in control. If you can imagine someone biting their lip and gripping the seat, this would be how he appeared energetically to me. lol There was no hostility or anger whatsoever, just outward calm as he held me close to him. Yet the energy between us was intensifying and I began to squirm from it as my desire grew.
When the energy became nearly unbearable he looked at me with a neutral expression and said, “I am starting to get turned on.” I looked back up at him and said, “Me, too.” I could feel his grip on control lessening as he gave into his desire. My thoughts were definitely not innocent at this point, neither were his. All I wanted to do was jump him right there in front of his roommate. LOL I became breathless at the thought and woke up (darn!).
Fully awake but not wanting to be I lingered in bed a while enjoying the dream connection still present as I woke. Part of a song was going through my mind on repeat, no doubt a message: “I will always love you…..”
I don’t think the rest of the song applies, but I can’t say for sure. The only part that was repeating was, “I will always love you.” This was while the energy was still noticeable but subsiding.
Once I was fully awake and the energy was gone I spoke with my guidance for a while. A familiar conversation ensued, one that I have had many times over the course of the last few years. The dream seemed to be me trying on a particular situation or maybe it was just meant to show me the current state of things. Whatever it was, I felt the explanation of the energy to be the most informative. The circuit must be completed. The intensity leading up to that completion is scary but as with all fear it must be confronted. The only way out is through. Controlling it is a barrier creating more blocks and slowing the process. The feeling is easy to interpret as “bad” or “dark” but in reality it is both “good” and “bad” in one. We are “light” and “dark” and to be whole we must embrace both within ourselves. In the end, what appears to be an insurmountable obstacle is actually just a bump in the road.
The biggest lesson I suppose is embracing the desire and all that goes with it. I have been through it, so I know how scary it is to face the desire we hold within. It looks and feels “bad” yet at the same time it carries with it a magnetic attraction, pulling us into it and into ourselves. Once allowed we are shown ourselves, the good, the bad and the ugly. This is scary but if approached without judgment or criticism we are able to see the beauty that we are and it is Divine and blissful beyond compare.
In understanding I lingered a bit longer in bed, feeling the connection across the distance and allowing it. Another song came to mind, specifically the words, “You give me fever….”
Of Note
I wanted to address the portion of the above dream where the roommate suggests I give my partner a blow job. I believe this section was the result of a conversation I had yesterday with my husband. We drove past the place where I had my first ever date and memory of my first boyfriend came up. I talked about it, specifically how he was a “sloppy kisser”. lol There was also a distinct memory of one evening when I was over at his house in his bedroom. We were making out and he suddenly exposed himself to me. I had never seen a penis before and was in shock (that’s an understatement). At this point all we had ever done was make-out and I was very inexperienced. I had never even kissed a boy prior to him. I said something about his mom walking in and he responded that she wouldn’t. I knew he wanted me to give him a blow job and I definitely was NOT going to do that! So I made an excuse and we went back into the living room. After that he suddenly stopped communicating with me (ha!) but I was not upset by it because I was not “that kind of girl” and so had lost all interest in him as well.
This conversation led me to talking more about what I feel about and my beliefs about oral sex. Oral sex has never been attractive to me – neither giving or receiving. Even in my marriages it is rare that I give or receive it. It just feels uncomfortable. However, I am not completely against it and have been known to be spontaneous in the giving of it, but only within a committed relationship. Somewhere along the way in this lifetime I acquired the belief that a woman who gives a man oral sex outside of a committed relationship is “cheap” and “dirty”. Yet within a marriage or committed long-term relationship, it is acceptable. Talk about illogical!
So yeah, that is likely why it appeared in my dream. It went along quite well with the feelings coming from my partner and helps me recognize that I still have my own considerations and beliefs getting in the way of my progress.
Either way, I definitely felt the “fever” and all conflicting considerations flew out the door!
I’m on alert this morning. Something is up energy-wise. I had a very Kundalini-filled night’s sleep and have been awake since 4:30am. Similarly, I have heard various others had limited or no sleep last night. For example, my SIL called my husband really early this morning because she couldn’t sleep last night. Also, my son was up at 2am from a dream about the center of the Earth being made out of white bread called the “bread stone” that men ate in order to create the other planets (no kidding!). 😀
While at work I saw news that Alaska experienced a 7.0 earthquake. This especially interested me since I use to live in Alaska. I instantly knew it was somehow connected to last night’s sleeplessness.
I thought maybe I had somehow missed that it was a full moon, but nope, it’s at the last quarter, so that can’t be it. Whatever is going on, I am on full alert. The Kundalini is especially active in my heart center today. Hello heart bliss!
Kundalini Dream: Time Traveling
This dream began with me watching a version of myself going to the dentist (feeling anxious) and receiving her new retainers. I saw the retainers in a clear case and recall the dentist giving instruction on their use.
Then I was with a man who I had never met in person but had known online. We were at his house/apartment and he was instructing me on how to fit in with his time. It was obvious that I was some 20+ years in the future as so much was different! We talked for a long time about various things, mostly how things were different from my time. He had dark hair and seemed a bit older than me with pale skin and kind eyes. He showed me these special contacts (new awareness needed) that people wore in his time. They allowed people to see things that were not there otherwise. They were like computers that were worn in the eyes. There were five sets and I was focused on the one called “C+” though it looked more like a @ with a C in the middle instead of an A. He told me to buy all five of the different contacts because I would not be able to function in his time without them.
I attempted to use my credit card to buy them. Though my card showed as valid I had to scan a bar-code for the transaction to be approved. I didn’t have one. The man told me if I had been of his time I would have a bar-code on my left hand located between the thumb and the pointer finger. The bar-code made it impossible for anyone to steal another person’s identity or information for their use.
He seemed upset by this news and was concerned about how I would live in his time. I would not be able to see what he saw and would not be able to go out and about and do normal things others could do. I said to him, “Why don’t you come live in my time?” When I said this I had a flash of everything that would happen between my time and his. I knew that for him to come to my time would expose him to a major world war and difficult times he would otherwise not have to endure. It was a lot to ask of him.
He turned to me and asked me,”Why do you stay with me?” I did not hesitate to answer. I immediately hugged him close and said, “I feel good when I’m with you.” There was this lovely feeling that enveloped me when we hugged. My heart exploded in bliss and love. Being with him washed me in this amazing feeling of security but it was intermixed with vulnerability; full-exposure of me – nothing hidden.
Heart Bliss
I awoke, my heart washed in bliss, feeling an amazing love and connection for the man in my dream. Now fully awake, I sought him out and found him/his energy/HS close by. I saw a visual of him standing in front of me. He placed his hand on my heart and I placed mine on his. I was instantly hit with Divine bliss and an overwhelming vulnerability.
The more I allowed our connection the more I felt all the different reactions I had to it. There was fear of the vulnerability and exposure evident. There was also a reaction of fear toward the feeling of loss of control. The connection makes me feel 100% open and exposed and with it I completely surrender. This surrender of self and control of self is what is scary. I want to completely submit to him. This goes against the way I was raised and how I tend to respond to others, especially men. Yet when with the merging of my energy with this masculine energy, this is what I do. Why? Is that how it is suppose to be?
While talking with this energy I saw a vision of a group of people standing in a line facing me. They were all over 40 years old and it felt like they were waiting on me for something. I then had a mini-dream about getting married. Then I saw a vision of a city materialize in front of me. It was like a portal to the city in the future from the dream. I knew it was not on Earth, at least not this Earth.
OBEs
I struggled to fall asleep because of the heart bliss. It kept surging and I would become lost in it. There is nothing like it. It’s so beautiful it nearly always brings me to tears.
Somehow I ended up OOB and in my room. I exited more than four times. Each time I ended up back in my body when I tried to leave the room. One time I surrendered and seemed to fall backwards into a void. When I did this my vision turned on and a ray of light was shining down onto the space in front of the closet. As I floated over to the light, I asked why it was that I was not given any type of evidence that my work here is having an impact. I remember looking down at a piece of paper I held in my hand as I read my mission as if to remind myself why I was here on Earth. I asked for some kind of encouragement – some kind of proof I was doing what I came here to do – explaining that I needed it because it was hard to keep motivated otherwise.
Another time, I exited my body and was able to leave the room by surrendering to the energy – letting go of all control of the situation and experience. Then, I found myself outside of the room floating over the stairs. I floated down the dark stairs, singing to help stabilize my energy. When I headed to the front door I was pulled swiftly back into my body. It felt like I was being told not to roam. Even singing didn’t help, which it usually does.
When I came into my body I was fully relaxed, my body buzzing with soothing vibrations, my heart still firing up with waves of bliss. A song – Kansas City – was in my head:
And I love you dear, but just how long Can I keep singing the same old song I’m going back to Kansas City
