Category Archives: kundalini

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Lucid Dream: Samadhi

I knew prior to bed that the full moon energies would impact dreamtime. Boy was I correct!

Dream: Attached to My Story

I only recall bits and pieces of this dream as it was more of a life review than a dream. So I will recount the most vivid parts.

I was with a group of others. We were gathering but I am not sure why. Someone asked me about a path near a park. When I answered her the park came into view. It was beautiful! Everything was lush and green as if at the peak of Springtime. I saw a dirt path wind through meadows, past a small building and into a wooded area. I followed the path and soon found myself walking along it hand-in-hand with my husband. I don’t think this man was my husband in this lifetime yet I spoke to him as if he were.

We discussed our past and everything that led us to our present. I specifically focused on our children and he asked me, “Remember when their hands were tiny…” I saw in my mind a newborn’s tiny hand. I could see all the little veins in and around it and it was quite red and new. I replied that I remembered. I said, “It feels like yesterday, doesn’t it?” He didn’t respond but it felt like he didn’t feel the same. I thought about how so many things felt to be like that – like yesterday – yet they were long gone, remnants of the past, never to be again.

Then I was inside a huge building. I soon realized it was a school. It was full of teachers and I recall being asked for my expertise with children. I sat with a woman and looked over a list of names. We were going over test scores. The woman showed me specific students who were at-risk. I saw they had failed the tests miserably. I told her how I use to work with at-risk students and gave her my input. 

As I walked away from the woman I passed by the principal. He reminded me of a previous boss. He said, “Thank you for coming.” I knew he was sincere and said, “You’re welcome.” 

A group of teachers was sitting together in a corner and I joined them. When I sat down a male teacher scooted in close. He seemed odd to me, like a simpleton, so I ignored him. I can’t remember what all the group discussed but it was about student need. I was invited to share and so I did. I felt appreciated and needed. It was a nice feeling.

One teacher was recounting an experience and I saw it vividly in my mind. The next thing I recall is seeing two people on skis in the water. One was assisting the other forward but they were not making progress. As I watched, curious and thinking it odd to have snow skis in water, the scene changed. I saw them on snow and the teacher was very disapproving of her student who kept falling. I remember feeling very positive and looking at the snow wistfully. I smiled at the grumpy teacher and said, “Isn’t it beautiful!?” She gave me a nasty look and I said, “You don’t really want to hear what I have to say, do you?” I smiled as she huffed at me and looked away. I could feel her criticism of her student and her overly serious mindset. I remember feeling sorry for her but at the same time knowing I had not been unlike her at times in the past. I became very sorrowful in recognizing how so many are overly serious about life and miss the little things, like freshly fallen snow, hugs from children and spending time with family.

I began to cry and stood there in the snow looking down at the ground. I didn’t even try to hide my tears from the overly serious woman or the others in the group who were standing nearby. As I sobbed I could feel all the very uncomfortable feelings that come with intensely crying but I just let it all out.

Conversation

My crying woke me up and I continued to cry for a while. I remember asking my guidance, “Why do I feel so much?” They said, “That’s why you’re here, to feel deeply.” The tears continued for a while and I just allowed them. My heart felt like it would burst from all the emotion but I understood the purpose behind it. I can’t have an open heart if I hold in everything I feel.

What followed was a conversation that was mostly me stating my Truth to a guide who very seldom spoke but listened intently and with encouragement. I Knew that the dream I had just awakened from was so much more than a dream. It was a life review. Again. And I remember asking, “Does this mean I’m about to die?” I heard back, “Not for a long while still. You have work to do.” 

I sifted through the feelings and memories of the dream and soon understood why I was crying so hard. I was attached to my story and was struggling to let it go. I Knew change was coming. The review was a preparation. But I don’t want to let go of my story. I have allowed myself to over-identify with it. So I grieve at the idea of leaving it all behind. It felt very much like I was preparing to exit life. The feeling was very strong, as if I was being shown, “This is what it feels like to die.” 

I said some things that could only have come from my HS. I said, “All stories have an ending.” And when I said this I was seeing my story, this lifetime, pass by all at once, like a movie reel in my mind. I specifically struggled with letting the story be over. I wanted to hold onto the memories, the past. I wanted my children to be small again, clinging to me, innocent and full of love. I didn’t want them to grow up, to experience pain and upset.

Finally done crying, I looked at the clock and it was 4am. I was asked, “What did you enjoy most?” I knew my guidance wanted me to focus on the good things. Instead, I said, “I just want to sleep.” I did, however, realize that the moments that were most enjoyable were the small ones. Holding my child’s tiny hand as we walked across the field. Getting a hug out of the blue from one of my boys. Listening with joy to my children play in the mornings instead of being angry that they woke me up. Walking through the freshly fallen snow and feeling peaceful despite all the fear in the world around me. There were so, so many moments. 

Lucid Dream: Samadhi 

Somehow I returned to sleep. I entered into a dream scene located in California. I was at my mom’s house but it was not the house I grew up in as is typical. This house was three stories (levels of Self). The first floor was a garage (holding space, no movement). The second was a kitchen and living area with floors made of mesh metal with a thin liner covering it. The top floor was the bedrooms. 

There were five ferrets (playful, child-like, mischievous) who I called ‘lemurs’ for some reason. They were running about freely and getting into mischief. At one point I was talking to one and it spoke back to me, asking to sit in my lap. I let it and it curled up contentedly in my lap.

My mom (older version of self, the Crone) was my main focus. She was having problems with her female parts. They had fallen out and she was trying to put them back in. I urged her to go to the doctor but she insisted on just pushing them back inside. I told her she needed a hysterectomy. I remember being very concerned but eventually letting her have her way.

Then I decided to sweep the floors (cleansing). This is when I noticed I could see the garage beneath my feet in certain places and that the floor was covered in dead leaves (hopelessness, despair, suffering) from outside. 

The dream goes on with very odd scenes but I will skip to the part where I become lucid. I am invited to a gathering next door. My husband is with me but again he doesn’t look like my husband in real life. He is meeting with a guru and they are going to meditate to reach the state of samadhi. I watch as they get into odd positions and notice my husband shifts around quite a bit. The guru has his legs twisted around in odd ways. It is very noisy where we are and I wonder how anyone can meditate with so much distraction.

Then I was across the room watching them mediate yet my husband was still with me. He encourages me to meditate, too, so I do. This is when I start to feel a warm energy all over and I find myself speaking mantras and another language. Eventually, I feel myself rise out of my body and I fly down the road and stand looking up at the sky. The full moon is visible and I look at it in awe. I think, “I am OOB, I should fly.” But I hear someone calling me back and I know it is the guru. I listen and turn back to my body.

The guru’s voice is female now and she begins to instruct me. I remember seeing sentences in my mind as she informs me of what I need to do. I Know that I am to descend through five levels. The first sentence says, “The Level of Deconstruction”. I focus on this and feel my body vibrate with more intensity. I feel to be sinking deeper and expanding as I go. I believe I go through all the levels but am not shown them as I descend.

Then I see the guru in my mind. She is beautiful and looks Hindu with gold adorning her head and neck. She says, “Next, you gather the golden orbs. There are many in the Universe but you must first collect them from your body.” I see a visual or four golden orbs over my face and I understand that those are my primary focus. 

I am awakened by my husband at this time. I tell him I had just been OOB but that she (points to guru) called me. Since I can no longer meditate, I get up and as I walk out, the guru approaches me. I say, “I  went OOB!” She says, “I saw you and I called you back.” I said, “I heard you.” A man passes by us at this time and turns and looks at me, staring. I realize he sees me. The guru asks me to follow her and I do. 

She takes me with her to her class called The Art of Symbolism. We enter this grand hall and inside is a large temple alter filled with golden objects. It is very religious and reminds me of Hinduism. A group of students is gathered and sitting cross-legged on the floor at the base of the alter. I sit among them as the class begins and soon realize I already know most of what is being taught. I decide to stay and not reveal what I know so as to not interrupt the class and threatened the guru’s position, but I recognize that I could easily take her place. 

The all-over-body energy intensifies. I hear noises and realize my boys are playing, yelling and slamming doors. I eventually wake up but not before thoroughly enjoying the energy. The energy fills me up completely and I feel peaceful. It is difficult to wake up and start my day, but I do.

Considerations

It is hard to describe how I felt when I awoke. My body was heavy with energy and I just wanted to fall into it and stay with it forever. If it hadn’t been for my boys making so much noise I likely would have returned to my OOB explorations.

The first dream was very much a life review and I am not really surprised. Yesterday, I had a long talk with my daughter about my past. I told her about my best friend and how she “ghosted” me our senior year in high school. As I talked and she listened I was able to see a part of myself that I never have. I was able to contact my thoughts and feelings of how my friend treated me and concluded that the reason I let everything roll off me without it triggering me is because I was able to read my friend and understand she was going through something and I should allow it. I never consciously recognized this about the situation until I talked to my daughter and for the first time it was clear to me what my guides had been saying for a long while about how I help others. I saw that my allowing my friend to be herself, to go through her process, was a gift I gave her and in the end, she thanked me for it.

As a Projector I can look deep into other’s and see what they need from me. Then I give it to them. And what I give them is not always perceived as “good” by the other. But that doesn’t matter. I give them what they need most from me. With my friend, I gave her space, love, acceptance and forgiveness because that is what she needed. Years later, when she returned back to me and apologized, I continued to give her the same.

While talking to my daughter I recognized that much of my past memory was fading. I couldn’t remember simple things. For example, when I was engaged to my first husband I stayed in the dorms because our families didn’t like the idea of us living together. What I couldn’t recall was where he lived, though! It is so bizarre! I have no clue. lol I also recognized that other memories, some that once upset me deeply, were also not accessible. I explained that I felt this was because I had long ago cleared them of excess emotional charge. I also expressed that I no longer linger on the past like I once did.

The life review I had this morning was different than previous ones. The main noticeable difference is that I was looking at moments that I enjoyed or cherished and did not want to lose. In past reviews I looked at incidents that haunted me and was unable to move past. As is usual, I ended up with a recognition and realization of where I am at presently. I am still stuck, but not because of something I regret or don’t understand, but because of moments and people I loved and still love in this lifetime.

The Samadhi dream that followed was curious and I’m not quite sure what was going on except some kind of energetic preparation to go with the life review. I have no idea what the “Golden Orbs” are, either.

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Kundalini Dream: White Wolf

Intense dreams last night that had me waking frequently.

For the last few nights I have had dream amnesia where I feel an intense heart connection-type energy but it wakes me up and I can’t remember any details. It feels like I am being “visited”, though. These “visits” usually happen early on, like within the first hour or so of sleep. The memory of what I feel is so fleeting that I can barely contact it only minutes later and am left only with a Knowing that it was there.

I vaguely recall a dream meeting with a white wolf. The visual is of it’s face, very close to my own, staring me down. I feel to be pursued but come out of my reverie and the feeling fades.

Prior to sleep last night I felt the heart-connection feeling, that intense pull, briefly before bed. I remember thinking about a recent past situation and wondering what would have happened had a certain person pursued me rather than doing what I asked and withdrawing. I wondered if I had any control over it at all? I shuddered at the thought and felt I needed to be extra careful of Kundalini connections in the future. This consideration may have led to the below dream.

Kundalini Dream: White Wolf

I become aware of dreaming but was not quite lucid. I am in my bed laying down. All around me my family is searching – no hunting – for something. I think, “White Wolf” and remember the wolf was in my dream before, stalking me.

Suddenly, I am lucid. A man is at the foot of my bed kneeling. In front of him are many tarot cards spread out. I can see at least 10, four of which are on top. He is looking down at first but then looks up and stares directly at me. I seem to Know, or maybe am told, he is “a white wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

I am aware of my family in the distance. They are still in my room but my room seems to expand greatly in all directions so that each family member feels to be far away but still within earshot. The sense I have is that they are conducting a “search party”, as if trying to locate a missing person. Yet, I also have this feeling that they are hunting a white wolf and that he has been stalking me.

When I see the man, everything in the dream feels to freeze as we lock eyes. When our eyes lock I am stuck with this feeling that is hard to describe. It originates in my chest and feels warm. With it comes a compulsive feeling I cannot deny. I have felt it before and I just Know. I yell at the top of my lungs to my family in the distance, “Everyone OUT! NOW!!!!”

I am still frozen, eyes locked with this man’s. The tarot cards in front of him come into my mind’s eyes. Two cards specifically are placed in front. One has the image of a single sword on it. The sword is on fire but not consumed by it. The other card has the image of a spiral on it. I remember interpreting the cards aloud. I correctly identify the sword but I call the spiral, “Water”. The man corrects me and says, “No. It’s a wheel. The Wheel of Time.” I look at the card and the spiral on it comes out of the card and begins to spin. I say, “Oh yeah. It’s a wheel, the Wheel of Time.”

The familiar feeling lingers. I feel an attraction to this man but at the same time I am terrified. There is nothing I can do about the feeling and the compulsion to go to this man, to surrender completely, is extremely strong and growing in intensity. Part of this surrender says I will have to do things, things I would normally never do, and I Know this. I remember pushing away my fear and accepting my fate. However, I look away from the man’s gaze and then turn away in hopes the feeling will go away. It doesn’t.

As I stand there in shock, I sense the man moving around. I become aware of standing in my kitchen. The man is on the other side of the sink. I am struggling with the feeling. Part of me is fighting it but the pull is too intense, too compelling. It says, “Surrender”. All I want is to go to this man. Every cell in my Being is screaming at me to go to him, be with him. My analytical mind is not functioning at all. It is completely blank. Even if I wanted to consider the pro’s and con’s of following the feeling, I couldn’t.

Ultimately, I can’t resist the Call to go to this man. So, I walk up to the kitchen sink but avert my eyes, making sure not to make eye contact with him. I begin to clean dishes, occasionally glancing up at him. Every time I look at him his piercing stare causes my heart to pull and my entire Being lights up.

The man talks to me, warning me of a woman, his girlfriend or wife. I know what he is going to say before he finishes. This woman will talk to me. I need to listen to what is behind her words, feel her energy, and not pay attention to what she says. Her words will be hollow.

As I listen to him speak I realize he has an accent. English accent maybe? That is what it sounds like.

The dream ends with us locking eyes again. The Knowing is strong. I Know what I have to do.

As I wake up I am panicking and asking, “What do I do?” I hear back, “Listen.” I repeat my question and receive the same response. I Know that to “listen” means to follow that feeling of surrender, to not resist.

The feeling in my chest begins to subside and somehow I fall back to sleep.

Considerations and Analysis

I briefly recall seeing a vision of the snow melting. I saw this more than once and recognized it as a message of the timing of a future event. It will occur after “the snow has melted”. I believe the event to be what the dream was forewarning.

The feeing I had upon waking was trepidation. My mind was just blank and the feeling, the compulsion to surrender, was ever-present.

Once the feeling passed and my mind was functional again, I wondered, “Who was that man? What does the dream mean? What does a white wolf symbolize and why would he be in sheep’s clothing?”

White wolves are generally good symbols to have in a dream. They symbolize wisdom and independence, freedom and loyalty. When a lone wolf appears it can be a warning to be on the lookout for pretense. It asks one to be cautious and not give trust until it is earned. Wolf symbolism is quite diverse and so the meaning is often up to the individual’s specific situation.

Based upon the beginning of the dream, my entire family seems to be on the hunt for this “wolf”. I also know the wolf is white and is stalking me. Yet when I see the wolf I call off my family and listen to what he has to say. There is wisdom in his words and I feel drawn to him in ways I have rarely experienced in this lifetime.

The symbolism in the two tarot cards is most intriguing. The flaming sword is a familiar symbol from the Bible. Simply put, the flaming sword was placed in front of the Tree of Life to prevent Adam and Eve from partaking of its fruit. The sword is also symbolic of the cleansing fire of God; the Kundalini.

So He drove out the man; and He placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.

Genesis 3:24, King James Version

A dream vision I had yesterday referred to the fruit eaten by Eve in the Garden of Eden – the “bitten apple”. This dream seemed to point back to that story in Genesis and the Knowledge gained by eating of that fruit. So, today’s dream and yesterday’s appear to be linked. I have no doubt the flaming sword refers to the cleansing power of God – the Kundalini.

The spiral on the second tarot card is a symbol I have seen often in dreams. I am not sure why I think it represents “water” but I am corrected and told it is “The Wheel of Time”. What is interesting is that the spiral symbol is also a Wiccan symbol, and so then also connects to yesterday’s post but to the dream in which I see a man learning about Wicca and entering a cave as a right of passage.

A Spiral is one of the ancient Goddess symbols, as a sign of Life. As such, it is also one of the primary Wicca symbols…..As the Wheel turns, you come around again, but not to the same point as before. You arrive at same place, but on a new level. Just as May 1900 and May 2000 are both spring, yet a different experience.

https://www.wicca-spirituality.com/goddess-symbols.html

At the end of the dream I am warned of a conversation I will have with a woman. I am asked to feel the woman’s energy rather than trust the words she speaks. I believe she is “the wolf in sheep’s clothing”.

There is so much more to this dream than I have time to delve into. The biblical references are many. I read several articles about Genesis this morning alone and still feel there is much more to what I was shown in my dream. Ultimately, the references point to passing through the gates of heaven, being allowed entry but only after experiencing the cleansing fire of God. Afterward, I will no longer be separate but One with God and be granted entrance to the Kingdom of Heaven.

It is hard to know whether an actual physical encounter will occur. Most definitely I am being prepared. Not only am I finding actual physical clues and messages, but my dreams are building one upon the other. At the very least I can assume a Kundalini event is on the horizon, but even then, nothing feels certain. I am left with that feeling coming from my heart. It is a physical, spiritual and emotional PULL. It is that familiar Call that only comes with the Kundalini.

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Kundalini Dream: Refrigerated Lockbox

Prior to bed last night, a familiar guide energy came to me. The same energy that has been front and center since around the 20th of January. He asked me, “Can I come in?” At first I was like, “No”, but I already felt the warm, tingly energy building in the center of my back and spreading outward as if hugging me from behind. Recognizing the energy was not threatening, I surrendered to it and said, “Okay.” The energy spread all over and I sank into the bliss of it. So wonderful!

Kundalini Dream: Refrigerated Lockbox

I only remember parts of this dream. There was a house located in the country, quite a distance away from other houses and people, down a long, dirt road. I remember talking to a man who reminded me of someone I knew from high school – my best friend’s older brother. He use to have a massive crush on me but he was quite strange and just not really my type. 

What I recall most is that the man went to this house, knocking on the door. I let him in. 

The house resembled something out of a scary movie. To look at it you would think it must be haunted. It was made of whitewashed wood, had a covered porch, and shutters on the windows. The moonlight illuminated it in such a way that all you would need is some spooky music and you would be worried to go inside. It wasn’t my house or his. It felt like a friend’s house maybe? Hard to say but it was okay for us to be there. I also recall feeling like children frequented the house. 

Inside the house looked normal. Nothing scary but it was still quite dark. The scene mostly centered around what would be for dinner that night. The man opened up the freezer, which looked like a plain, white, square box around the size of a mini-fridge. Inside was a locked, wire box that contained various sweets, mostly ice cream. The man wanted me to let him in to get out some ice cream. Apparently, only I could open the box. I was hesitant. I remember suggesting he make some green beans instead and went looking for a can and a pot to cook them in. I do recall opening the lockbox, though, and sifting through the ice cream bars with him. 

The next thing I remember is seeing the man sitting on a school bus. There were no others on the bus, just him staring at me from near the back of the bus. He looked so young and bright, as if a light were illuminating him from within. His brown hair fell around his face in ringlets, falling just below his jawline, his face was very pale making his dark eyes and eyebrows that much more distinct. I remember saying, “You look so young but I know you are very, very old.” 

For some reason, I remember seeing a vivid image of jar with a lid. The green beans maybe? IDK. I never saw what was inside. In fact, it looked like an empty, glass jar with a metal lid. The lid began to turn slowly, opening.

Then the scene shifted. I have no idea how I got from the house to the bus and from the bus to this new scene. It is like there is a black void in my memory, like I “flash” from one scene to the next.

I was in my bedroom. A man was standing in my doorway. I thought of him as my husband, but he did not look like my husband, but then I never saw his face. He was massive and very tall, towering above me so that when I looked at him my eyes were at his collarbone. I asked him about the situation that led him to me. I don’t remember my exact words but I knew he had been in bed with “my mom” and that it had become too difficult for him to stay in bed with her. She had gotten “too fat” and there wasn’t enough room for him. I remember seeing a visual of a twin-sized bed in a dark room, This man was on the very edge of the bed because “my mom” was sprawled out to the point that he had mere inches of bed space.

The man comes toward me, intent on getting into bed with me. I focus on his feet. He has on large, steel-toed, work boots. I still think of him as my “husband” and am happy that he has come to my bed. 

As he gets closer I begin to anticipate what is coming next. I say, “Sssh! We don’t want to wake her up!” 

The man is naked. What is odd, though, is that his genitals are on his backside, facing away from me and located just above his butt crack. They are upside down, his testicles facing up. He also has no pubic hair and so his “package” resembled an oversized dildo. 

I begin to pull down my pants and underwear but do not take them off. Instead, I pull them down to my shoes. I am also wearing boots. As he climbs into bed I feel a pulling deep within and realize I have not felt that sensation in ages.

The next thing I remember is feeling a pressure up against my pubic bone. In the dream I see a foot pressed up against it. At the same time I feel a long, narrow object pushed into my mouth and down my throat. I, of course, think it is the man’s penis and though it is awkward, I don’t resist it. It goes down my throat to the point that it would normally gag me, but it didn’t. I can feel an energy expanding in my root chakra. At the same time, an energy is forming in my throat.

The energy in my root chakras grows very large and I begin to anticipate the rising of the Kundalini. Sadly, this causes my lucidity to peak and I wake up. 

Conversation

I lay in bed feeling the expansive energy of my root chakra. It just sits there and is wide enough that I feel the edges of it to the middle of my thighs and my entire pubic region to include my spine is engulfed in energy. 

I try to relax and let the energy move up, but it doesn’t get very far. The guide’s energy is with me. I feel him in front of me and I know he is working on my energy body. 

The dream comes to mind and I realize that the symbolism of it is hiding the truth. I Know I gave this guide permission – invited him in. The house seems to be a hidden aspect, something shared by others. The lockbox in the dream that contained the ice cream is representative of that which I have locked others out of. I open it for him in the dream and afterward I see this guide on the bus (important life journey) and know he is much older than he appears. Then again, I see an opening, but this time it is a glass jar (feeling sealed up in life or stuck). The green beans symbolize good relations with others; friendship.

After that we are both in my private space and he has left the bed of my “mom”, who has become so “fat” that it forces him out. The feeling I get is that “mom” is a kind of authority figure and she has “rules” and sets boundaries. My guess is that her being “fat” indicates a kind of complacency in this aspect of me. She is set in her ways and has grown fat and lazy. She doesn’t want to do the “work” needed. The boots we are both wearing indicates that we are doing that “work”, though, and attempting not to “wake” my other aspect. 

The man’s genitals are on his backside and they look unrealistic. My guess is I am seeing some kind of tool being used and they are not genitalia at all. The pressure I feel subsequently is a result of the healing work being done on me by him and maybe Others. It is familiar. I have had many similar dreams in the past where I feel something going down my throat as something is pushed up into my root. Nothing went “up” into my root this time, though. There was just pressure.

I ask this guide who he is. I say, “Are you one of Them?” He replies, “Yes. We are The Many.” I accept this answer because I have been in communication with The Many in the past. They also go by many other names – The Protectors, Elohim, Anunnaki, The Watchers – to name a few. 

There is a conversation here but mostly without words. I have Knowing, mostly. It is just there, instantly. 

I recognize his energy. It has been with me, mostly observing, for a couple of years at least. I remember wondering if he is connected to someone I know, who I recently disconnected from. He replies, “No.” Then he says about that connection, “You know better.” I realize then that he was the guide who met me in an OBE a while ago (2018) and cautioned me about protecting my energy. I told him, “I didn’t know” in response to what happened. It felt like I was extremely vulnerable at the time I met this man and that my interactions with him interrupted something, a process, I was going through. I knew I was picking up where I left off, only maybe a step backward because previous work had to be repeated. 

This guide explains that the reason for his direct approach is because “the only way out is through.” No point in going around the issue/block. He was referring to my past connection who attempted to bypass the block, something this guide said arises from “inexperience.” Straight through with consistent “pressure” was how this guide described the correct approach. I was shown a visual of my energy body and I understood why there was a “probe” of energy inserted via my throat. It creates a kind of current, or suction, that encourages stagnant energy to move. 

As I lingered in the in-between, I could feel warm energy swirling in my root and second chakras. It created a physical ache right below my belly button that subsided after about an hour.

Later, I ask this guide for his name. Before I finish my question, I hear, “Peter.” I accept this and then laugh because I realize it is a joke as memory of the way I see him in the dream comes to mind (penis = Peter). He doesn’t laugh, but I see the connection and humor in it.

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Dream: E.T. Message “The Alarm Will Go Off.”

So much has been going on since I last posted. The motivated and free-flowing feeling I had in my last post continues and seems to be growing. Yet there still remains with it a feeling that I need to go with the flow and not take action unless appropriate in the moment.

During my days I have been smiling frequently and listening to music I normally would not listen to. The music is upbeat, mostly dance and pop music by more recent artists. I find myself dancing to the music as I work at my computer. My body seems to want to move on its own and I can’t help but burst into a huge grin and go with it. I find myself listening to music more often, too. I like to take long walks and listen to the same music, singing along while I walk. No telling who has heard me and thought me odd but I don’t care!

In the evenings I feel to be not alone so much so that I can’t help but wonder what is going on. Often I feel this unreal sorta feeling, like I am between time, not here nor there. When I get like this it feels like a part of me is communicating with someone, but I can’t quite catch what is being said.

Last night, before bed I got this feeling that someone (Spirit?) was close by. There was a presence directly in front of me that felt to be asking for my attention. I acknowledged it and continued to watch my show, which just happened to be about NDEs. As I watched the show I was filled with K energy that originated from around my lower back and spread throughout my body. It was a warm, comforting energy that wrapped around me, filled me and then just stayed with me while I watched my show. It felt like I was being asked to pay attention as if a message was forthcoming. My dreams appear to support this.

Dream: Two Doors 

I was at work. It was not the building where I normally work (symbolic of my life path) but reminded me of an old, downtown building with multiple floors. I sat at a long, rectangular table with coworkers I didn’t recognize. I was bored and feeling somewhat out of place. I can’t recall what everyone was discussing but it was something to do with preparations and updates to the business. 

At one point I remember holding in my hand a large, balloon type object. For some reason, in my boredom, I began to press myself against it and felt my root chakra activate. It seemed like I was just trying to keep myself occupied during my boredom because the feeling I had the whole time is that I didn’t want to be there and didn’t belong there. 

Eventually I opted to leave. As I walked toward the door I looked at people who walked past me. I realized there was nothing I could do to help them. They didn’t even see me. They were asleep. The expressions on their faces told me they were focused. They were all “workers” (HD Generating types). I remember thinking, “I’m not like them. I’m not a worker.” 

A woman who reminded me of someone I know, was playing with her baby and son. She had rolled her baby to one end of a space and was going to retrieve her son. It was some kind of game where she took them back and forth between spots along a designated path. Back and forth, over and over, repetitively (symbolic of cycles repeating). 

I saw the exit (option to change path) ahead and walked toward it. I went through the door that led to the building’s main entrance/exit. When I reached the area where the door to the outside should’ve been, there were two older people standing there, confused. Someone had renovated the space so that the door was moved. Now there were two doors instead of one. One was up a short set of stairs to the right and another was to the left on the ground floor. I somehow knew the door up the stairs was to another place and time. It felt like a dimensional portal. The other door went to city streets similar to somewhere in New York City and to the present time and world. 

I opted to take the door up the stairs. When I opened the door I was suddenly floating in the air up high above a vast landscape. The land below was riddled with brilliant white crystal shards. They glowed and it reminded me of the movie The Dark Crystal. The land itself was almost barren. It looked like an explosion had occurred there. I immediately knew the crystal shards needed to be reunited and felt that a part of myself went to work doing this. I watched a man float about and take pieces of the crystal and heal the land by touching the pieces to various parts. In one such instance I watched him touch a piece of crystal to the ground and a white, glowing liquid flowed out of it into the land. Eventually the man shoved the largest piece of the crystal into the heart of the land which was some distance away at the lowest point. When he did this, the landscape transformed immediately into a beautiful paradise with lush, rolling green plains, tall, snow capped mountains and vast river systems. There was color everywhere and it was fantastically beautiful. I had a feeling of awe and knew that I had chosen the correct door. 

Dream: E.T. Message

I can’t recall the parts leading up to the end of this dream, which is disappointing, but the part I do recall is likely the most important anyway. 

I was standing with a group of people and my attention went to this small, floating, silver disc. The people with me didn’t see it, though. I recognized it was a E.T. craft and so spoke to it. I asked it, “Who are you? Why are you here?” 

The craft seemed to be able to communicate with me via telepathy. There was a visual as I received a message of an up and coming “test”. I saw test materials – a pencil and paper among other things. My attention turned to a timer sitting next to the paper and pencil. It looked like one of those kitchen timers – round, red, with a white clock face. I remember hearing “the timer will go off” or “the alarm will go off” and then something would happen, something like an explosion or event of some kind. I replied that I wasn’t worried about the test and knew I would pass it because I had passed it many times before.

By this time, the silver disc was no longer part of my dream experience. I had entered into the in-between.

As I lingered in the in-between I remember catching myself talking to someone as if I was trying to summarize something I had been told. I said, “So, I will be split into two”. This brought me to full awareness and out of my reverie. 

Afterward, I wondered about the E.T. portion of the dream. It has been so long since I had any E.T. contact. But was it E.T. contact? And what did the messages mean? What would this “alarm” be? So odd!

Other Considerations

I can’t help but notice that in the first dream I was thinking of those around me as “workers” and thought of Human Design and the Generating types of the world, which compose more than 70% of the population. They are “the workers”, they are here to “respond”. Lately in my daily life, I have been recognizing that I cannot help them if they don’t want my help, if they don’t ask for my help. If I try, they won’t hear me and will likely be irritated by anything and everything I say to try and help. So in the dream, as in my life, I just want to get out of the space they occupy. Why would I want to be where I’m not wanted or acknowledged for what I have to offer?

The dream itself seems to be a reflection of how I have been feeling in general lately. Bored. Unseen. Unacknowledged. Of course, I am also feeling joyful and carefree, but behind that I still have this restless energy that wants to do something, to be of assistance to others. Yet, I observe all around me people doing what that woman was doing in the dream. They are going back and forth, repeating patterns, unaware and happy to remain so. I realize there is nothing I can do to help them. I would love to find an exit to another world like I did in the dream, a world where I can make a difference, where I am seen. And I think, in a way, that is exactly what I am doing when I turn on my music and dance. I am going to another world, my own world, one where I can make a difference even if no one else notices.

That is the beauty in being a 2nd line (HD). We dance to the beat of our own drum. The creator of HD says 2nd line Hermits are there on the first floor of the house (1st lines are in the basement), dancing to the beat of their own drum. They are happy to remain alone in their little worlds. In fact, their motto is “Leave me alone!” lol The windows are open, however, and others can see inside. They are curious, drawn to the 2nd line/Hermit because they see in them something they desire. They know the 2nd line knows something they do not. Others come knocking, asking the 2nd line to let them in but we often ignore their knocks because, mostly, we just don’t want to be bothered. lol It takes someone very special to draw us out of our “caves”. Someone or something, VERY special.

Maybe the “alarm” from the message in my second dream is what it will take to get my attention? Who knows, but for now I am happy to be dancing in my own little world for a while. I am happy there being left alone. It would take quite a bit of ruckus for me to stop my dancing and answer the call, that is for sure!

Featured Image from The Definitive Book of Human Design, the house analogy of the lines of the hexagram (HD personality profiles).

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Kundalini Dream and Message: This is What You Came For

A very active night. Previously, about three days ago now, I told my guidance that I was willing to have Kundalini encounters in dreamtime. I did not expect that it would happen so quickly, though!

Kundalini Dream

I’m with an older man whose looks I can’t recall. I think he is heavy set with dark hair and a beard. I watch as he picks up a tiny, newborn kitten (the feminine). It is weak and he doesn’t think it has a chance. I tell him otherwise, take it from him and explain that I use to raise baby squirrels (locking away emotion) when I was young. At this point I recall thinking the kitten was a squirrel.

I feed the kitten milk using a syringe. The man is still skeptical but I can tell the kitten has the will the live by the way it eagerly takes to the milk.

Then I’m in a room that reminds me of a library but I don’t see any books. There are rectangular, wooden desks and someone I know from work is sitting at one. I am nursing him to health. It appears that he was the kitten and now he is better and stronger. I show him a schedule of when to take his medicine and what dose but the medicine is written in weight – 1lb.

We discuss his progress and he says, “I did 5lbs today.” I advise him to be cautious and not to rush things. With this I realize his parents are not his parents but caretakers. I know them, also, and wonder why they abandoned him. When we talk about this he seems very sad. In fact, I can feel what he feels and so am quite sympathetic. I know in time he will just get stronger and so I keep encouraging him.

Then two other people come into the room. One I recognize. It is my SIL. The other is a woman I do not know. As the woman is leaving, my SIL says something like “Go with God” (she would never say this in real life) and the woman turns back and says, “God has nothing to do with it.” My SIL rolls her eyes but the other woman never sees it.

Seeing my SIL roll her eyes, I call her out, telling her something to the effect that for every time she rolls her eyes, someone is doing the same to her four times as much.

I turn around, feeling very sad for some reason, and crawl into bed (not sure where my bed comes from but it was there). I curl up on my left side in the fetal position. I can see the man I am helping looking at me. He looks concerned and comes over to comfort me. He says something but I can’t recall what. It feels like he is offering to hold and comfort me. I allow him to join me in bed.

I begin to cry as he crawls into bed on my right and spoons with me, wrapping his arms around me. I can feel how open and vulnerable he is – I am. In him I recognize aspects of myself.

A warm energy hits my heart and root at the same time and spreads throughout my body in all directions. It is absolutely beautiful! The feeling takes my breath away. I am Home.

Sadly, I woke up in that instant, tears still streaming down my cheeks, the beautifully warm energy still swirling around my body. It was especially noticeable in my heart chakra. Oh how I have missed the heart bliss!!!

I remember hearing a song playing in my head and a guide being nearby. The song was Come Away With Me by Nora Jones. The specific lyrics I heard were, “Come away with me on a bus….and I want to wake up with the rain falling on a tin roof…”

I remember saying to my guidance, “I really like him.” I said this because I recognized the man as he is not a newcomer to my dreams. He isn’t a frequent visitor but I have seen him in my dreams at least 5 times over the last four or five years. Usually we are just friendly, having long discussions as we sit facing each other. He tells me about his life, how he feels, his concerns, worries, and plans. In one he was telling me what he wanted in a partner. Specifically, that he wants to marry and have a family of his own, but his relationships don’t ever seem to pan out despite lasting years sometimes. He has also expressed interest in me but has not acted on it because I am married and I am 10 years older than him. I do not fit with his goals, specifically that he wants children of his own. My response has always been understanding, acceptance and compassion.

Never has the Kundalini been present in dreams where he was involved. I don’t even know if he is conscious of meeting me in dreamtime. If he is, he has never mentioned it, but then I have never asked him.

So, when I woke from this dream I was somewhat concerned about what it might mean. I have long wondered what was going. Why do we keep meeting up in dreamtime? Are we just soul family helping each other out?

I considered talking to him the next time I saw him and fell back to sleep with this on my mind.

Dream: This is What You Came For

The same coworker from my previous dream is present. I am listening to him talk to a friend. He is explaining how he is still recovering from his most recent breakup. He is very sad and lonely. I recognize this feeling, this melancholia, because I have felt it, also. He is Homesick, searching for something he cannot quite put his finger on and feeling lost and worn down by all his perceived failures.

For some reason I am on the ground below him facing up. It is quite odd but they don’t seem to notice I am there. The woman tells him that he needs to take his time and heal. She reminds him there is no rush.

As I listen I become extremely emotional and begin to cry. I know that if this man and I were to get involved that it would be an impossible situation. Our age difference alone would be a challenge, but there are so many other factors involved. I remember thinking how unfair and painful these types of connections can be. I think, “I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”

My tears wake me up and I lay in bed in for a while, again wondering what the hell is going on.

Another song is going through my head. The lyrics are, “Baby, this is what you came for. Lightning strikes every time that she moves.” But the end part, after “lightning strikes” is muted. It is as if I am being reminded that my purpose here involves the Kundalini and that “lightning” will strike.

My guide is present with me there is a discussion between us. I only recall bits of it now. I remember knowing my energy tends to draw in others. That it is just the way I am. I should not blame myself but just be aware of it and cautious. Then I recall being shown a piece of mail, like a FedEx envelope. I hear, “Express mail” and “Two days”, but I know it is not “mail” but rather symbolic of communication. So, in two days I will receive communication?

Dream: Melting Ice Cream

I am in a kitchen (nourishment). There are young children of various ages around me. I am thinking of my diary (worry) and memories of this very large pad of paper comes to mind. It is gigantic, about four feet by two feet! In it I am writing very personal things, some of which involved the coworker all my other dreams have been about. I lay the pad down. When I see it, I am reminded of very ancient papyrus. It is stained and worn, like I’ve been writing in it since the beginning of time.

Then I am outside, the man from the previous dreams is still my focus. It seems like I am gathering information on him. Spying on him? IDK but I am definitely observing. I turn around and see what looks like my diary rolled up and being pushed along by the wind. Worried someone will find it and read it, I frantically run after it. I tell a woman to stop it and she puts down her foot and it stops but then falls down near some stairs. When I go to retrieve it, I find it is not my dairy at all but a laundry hamper full of pillows (comfort, safety, protection) and other items, mostly various fabrics. I offer it to the other young women around me. They come and take what they want and I select two pillows. My diary is no longer on my mind. Instead I seem to want to encourage the women to take pillows from the basket.

Next, I end up in the kitchen with children. I open the refrigerator (feeling cold or frigid sexually). It is nearly empty. I open one of the drawers and begin to write in ink on the bottom of the drawer. I see my handwriting on the inside of the other empty drawers, too. When I realize that others could see what I am writing, I erase the ink with my fingers.

That is when I discover ice cream pops (desire, youth, lust) of various kinds inside one of the drawers. They are melting (failures). Some have bites taken out of them. I realize the children had snuck the ice cream and then hidden it in the fridge because they were afraid of being caught.

I sternly ask the children which one of them did it. They try to lie but I am able to get confessions from some of them. I explain it is wasteful. They apologize.

There is this one young girl who I speak to briefly. She had left one of the ice creams inside. I said, “Wow! You have grown so much! You’re taller than me now!” I look up at her. She has long, dark hair and a medium complexion. I know she was Hispanic and I also know who her mother is. I gave her a huge hug and am very proud of her.

Then another young, Hispanic woman came over. She opened her arms up wide and the young woman said, “She wants a hug, too.” The two young women together pulled me into a three-way hug. It felt warm and comforting and I immediately began to cry. The emotion I was feeling was a mixture of relief and Homesickness.

When I wake I am feeling grief over my age and my lost youth. The years flew by and I am already in my 40’s. I realize that I need to really cherish these years of my life because, one day very soon, they will be gone. My children will grow up and have lives of their own I don’t want to be left regretting not spending more time with them. Every day is precious and should not be taken for granted.

Interpretation

I woke in tears yet again. The above two songs kept repeating in my head. I consider my dreams and their symbolism. My conclusion is that I am being encouraged to heal and allow the Kundalini to show me the path.

There are obvious fears holding me back. Mainly that the Kundalini has a tendency to bring about painful experiences for myself and others. That is why I pull out of the first dream before the energy is able to fill me up completely. But it is not just fear of hurt that causes me to pull away. It is also the memory of Home and how homesick it makes me when I experience Home again. This reality is so harsh and ugly in comparison and I end up horribly depressed when I come “back down”.

111, 1111

I’ve also been seeing 111 and 1111 quite a bit lately. I see it on the clock almost daily. In fact, one of the visions I had this morning while in the in-between was of 1111. Then today, I noticed my stats:

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Kundalini Dream: Have Dinner with Me

The vivid dreams continue……

Dream: Have Dinner with Me

The dream began outside in a stadium(firmness of purpose to finish what was started and achieve goals). I was walking along bleachers and saw this very small man. I went up to him and commented on his appearance, taking his hand into my own and saying, “You hands are proportional to your body.” He said, “I’m a dwarf (stunted growth, holding back emotion). I look young but I am 32.” I smiled and responded with, “Really? Wow. I’m 36.” My memory of the little man is vivid. He looked just like a miniature man. He had tanned skin, muscles and a few wrinkles. His face was etched with fine lines and he had fair hair. He was like a realistic doll, maybe about three feet tall.

There was a man with him who spoke to me at that time. Somehow he and I ended up in a different scene. The bleachers disappeared and we were walking into an event hall (likely indicative of “Kundalini events”, of which I’ve had many). The room was decorated in dark colors and we were dressed in formal attire. I remember saying to the man, “I come here all the time”. It felt like he and I met at this event hall, as if I had gone to these events many times but this was the first time he had attended.

The next thing I know I am in my mom’s bedroom (private self). The man is with me and we are laying on the bed together (my happy, relaxed place). Across from us is a walk-in closet (space to store or keep things hidden). Though I can’t recall what exactly was said, I remember talking to the man and him being very forward with me. What his energy said is more memorable to me than his words anyway. An amazingly erotic energy was coming from him and sparking in me a desire that was hard to ignore. I remember laughing quite a bit. I felt playful around him and began to try and get away from him. It felt like a game of tag almost with me moving away from him and him grabbing me and pulling me back to him. Each time his energy would envelope me and I would feel overcome with desire and longing.

Still laughing, I crawled into the walk-in closet (“closeting” myself or my emotions). The light was on and my face was at the level of the shoe rack. The man was behind me. I continued to laugh playfully as I inched my way into the closet, moving shoes (various approaches to life) out of my way. I grabbed a pair of dress boots (strength, victory) and put them on top of other shoes on the rack to my left (the feminine). I commented, “I have way too many shoes!” I could feel the man’s energy as he inched his way closer, still hovering over me. He grabbed onto my waistband and I laughed playfully as I stared at rows of shoes in the golden hued closet. The energy intensified and I began to lose my breath.

Suddenly the man stood up in the doorway of the closet. I turned around and looked at him. I don’t remember what he looked like, though, which is unfortunate. He said, “Have dinner with me.” I laughed and said, “Why don’t we just have sex and get it over with.” 

Dream: Hidden Apartment

I was in an apartment (emotional state) hallway (transition period). I was tending to the children who suddenly burst out a hallway exit and onto the streets. I went out to gather them up and complained to my husband for not keeping a better eye on them. 

When I came back inside I walked down the hallway. At the end was a door (barrier to growth, closed off). To the right was another door, a closet. An older man with a beer gut opened a door on the left and took me into the door at the end of the hallway. Inside was a very neglected space with an old sofa, a window and a dresser. I remember being surprised it was there and that it was only one very tiny room. I walked back out into the hall and turned back to look through the still open door. The man’s friends were inside the room and for a moment it reminded me of a scene from The Godfather. The air in the room was hazy with clouds of smoke.  I could see a group of men sitting on the yellow plaid sofa inside. They were smoking and drinking. One looked at me. It made me feel very uncomfortable. 

Still in the hallway, I looked where the closet on my right had been. Instead of a door I saw a shelf with various first aid supplies on it. 

The scene shifted and I was looking again at the room at the end of the hallway. I felt like a child and there were other children with me. Curious about the room, we went inside to explore. Again the room was in disarray but this time there was a door in the back. The old man who had previously shown me the room was there but he was grossly overweight. He was wearing white underwear with a white undershirt. The room was very dirty, like it hadn’t been cleaned in years. Items were strewn all over. The floors, furniture and walls had splatter marks all over them. 

One child with me needed to use the bathroom so I ventured through the door at the back of the room hoping to find a bathroom. There was a bathroom but it was nasty. Two toilets were on the back wall on either side of a sink. There was also a urinal. Everything with a drain was clogged, stuffed with toilet paper and filled to the rim with nasty water. I told the child, who looked like my youngest, to use the sink to pee because it was the least clogged and the toilets were unusable. When he peed in the sink it also overflowed and I had to pull my son away from the nasty water.  

The obese man then showed me another room even farther back. It was a bedroom that had been closed off for quite some time. It was not as nasty as the other parts of the apartment. I did not go in but could see a bed with white linens inside. 

Considerations

The first dream appears to be an invitation to continue with my clearing work via the Kundalini. As has been my tendency for the past year or so, I avoided the opportunity, choosing to instead “hide in a closet”. I knew immediately the closet was about closeting my emotion. I am trying to hide from something. What? I’m not sure but it likely involves high emotion. 

The shoes in the dream are all on the left side of the closet. The left represents the feminine. The shoes represent all the past roles I’ve played. The boots indicate success in regards to the feminine aspect.

The dwarf in the dream seems significant. I believe he is there to bring attention to my masculine aspect which is stunted and not able to grow into his full potential.

The second dream may be a sneak peak at what is holding me back. The hidden apartment indicates a part of myself that has been neglected. This wound is full of negative emotion that has become stuck and is clogging up my energy body. It may be a partial memory of aspects of a past life or lives, lives where the masculine is seen in a negative light. The connection to The Godfather could be indicative I view some part of my past as “bad” or “corrupt”. The morbidly obese man could represent the masculine energy; gluttony, over indulgence, lack of self-care. 

While the second dream may be pointing to my past lives, it could also just be there to remind me of the many negative beliefs I have about men from this lifetime. From this life experience I have become wary of men in general. I do not trust them. Their number one motivation is sex. They attend to their own needs first. They generally view females as a their servants. We are there to cook their meals, tend to their children, clean their house, wash their clothes, and provide them with sex on demand. So, to put it simply, men are scum.

Yeah, sad, but I can’t help how I feel. The older I get, the more convinced I am that my observations are accurate. Find me one man whose primary motivation is not sex. Just one. And I bet if I do find one he long ago lost the ability to get an erection.

So it’s no wonder that my response in my dream to the man’s invitation to dinner was what it was. Let’s just have sex and get it over with. In the end, isn’t that why he invited me to dinner in the first place? Why tiptoe around the obvious?

Featured image source – http://www.istockphoto.com

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Dreams, Conversations and short OBE

Last night was full of wonderful healing energy and a great many interesting conversations and dreams. It began with some powerful surges of Kundalini. They were brief, though, and didn’t keep me from falling asleep.

Dream: Drowning Girl

I had this dream two nights ago but feel it is appropriate to share now.

I was in a boat (unexplored emotions and feelings) with a mother (aspect of self) and her daughter (inner child). The daughter had no legs (feeling helpless). She was just an upper body and midsection. The boat was moving at super high speeds like a speed boat. The mother was holding onto her daughter in an attempt to keep her from going overboard. 

We traveled at high speeds for a while but then the mother lost her grip on her daughter. The girl fell into the dark water and the boat stopped a short distance after, docking near a pier located near some homes. Me and the mother got out of the boat and the mother despaired, wailing for someone to rescue her daughter. I felt unable to help and also called for others to assist, but no one came. I remember worrying the girl couldn’t swim because she had no legs. She surely would sink straight to the bottom.

I looked down at the water’s surface to see if I could see her and saw bubbles rising to the surface. I yelled to the mother, “Look! Bubbles! She’s there!” The mother jumped in and was under water for a while. When she finally surfaced she had her daughter in her arms but she was unresponsive. The mother blew in her face like a mother’s does to get a baby to take a breath, and it worked! Eventually the girl revived and was okay. We were all so relieved. I began to sob and woke up in tears.

Interpretation

It feels like this dream is about my inner child and my desire to save her from a situation that feels out of control. Her lack of legs indicates she is unable to move or progress on her own. She may feel stuck. It seems the dream message is that surrender must occur before progress can be made. My emotion felt displaced and it confused me. I have no idea why I cried so much. Relief maybe?

Dream: Failing Grades

I was back in high school and my teachers were telling me that I was failing their classes. Specifically it felt like I was failing Algebra and there was a question about an English paper that was due. There was discussion about the classes I was passing, too. History was one of them and I commented that it made sense being I was a history teacher. I remember looking at my grade in Algebra (logic). It was a 55 and I knew that I would not pass no matter how hard I worked because I didn’t have time to make up all the missed assignments. 

Eventually I decided that it was pointless to try so hard to pass because I had already graduated a long, long time ago. I remember talking to another woman in my same position and telling her, “I have a Master’s in School Counseling. I was just going to school because it was fun. No one even noticed my age.” I was very proud that I could pass so easily as much younger than I really am. 

The administration in the front office was very irritated with me and had called in someone higher up as well as the police when they discovered I was not who I pretended to be. This is when I decided to just leave with the woman. I said, “What are they going to do? They have my old address, my old information from when I attended in my teens. They can’t find me. There is nothing they can do.”

We went outside and flew along a road to a circular, dirt drive near an old, wooden home. It felt like my new address for some reason but it turned out I had just parked my car there. Rather than go to my car, a guy took us to this van and out of it came two Mexican men with pizzas they said we ordered. I was asked to pay and I remember using a fake card number and signing my husband’s name. lol 

The dream fades out here but I remember traveling.

Considerations

I feel this is a positive dream. It reminds me of a very recent dream where I was still in high school but telling everyone I was much older and had already graduated. In that dream I had been told, “It’s time to go now” and the message was that it was not helping me to repeat the same lesson over and over again, a lesson that the younger version of me mastered a while ago. So last night’s dream seems to be a continuation of that theme except that I decide to leave. My attitude is “screw the consequences”. I realized I was able to fool everyone into thinking I was someone I am not and so they would not be able to find the real me.

So it seems I am done pretending to be this other version of me. I am done learning lessons that I have already learned and repeating the same classes over and over again. 

Discussion and Short OBE

I recall having numerous discussions while in the in-between. Much of it was about the Kundalini, which has been more active than usual. It was explained to me that when it rose this next time to be ready for a major clearing to occur. It felt like a warning but at the same time I was not concerned. I remember worrying I would have major panic but felt it would not be an issue this time around.

In one very vivid memory, I was conversing with three individuals dressed in white. It reminded me of the environment from the movie The Island and there is probably some symbolism to be had in that, too. A woman and I were discussing my current issues with my marriage. She began to tell me about her own situation. She explained how she had a strong connection with a man and so left her husband immediately because there was no comparison. As she explained the amazing connection she had with the new man, I saw him standing behind her. He had a big, puffy, blonde beard. Next to him I saw her husband who also had a beard, only it was red. The husband went up to the other man who was about a foot taller than him. He then kissed the man passionately and they kissed for a while. The woman said to me, “Look what I have to deal with.” LOL

After this interesting conversation I put my attention on how I was feeling. I knew I was OOB but I was floating just over the top of my sleeping body. The energy was so wonderful and I played with it, spinning around and willing myself to expand and contract. Eventually, though, I decided I would just exit my body and see what I could find or explore.

The first attempt didn’t last. I had trouble disconnecting and felt too heavy so I immediately just let myself fall back into the amazing energy. I almost fell asleep but then decided to try exiting again. This time I was successful and flew out of my bedroom. I could still feel the heavy energy. It was not lifting even as I flew up into the air. I opened my eyes as I jumped/flew down the stairs. I could see my dog at the bottom looking up at me. The entire house was golden in color and very bright. As I flew down I could feel the sensation that comes with falling, as if my stomach jumped into my throat. It was a thrill and I was joyous as I reached the bottom but within seconds I could feel that feeling as if someone says, “NO” and I was sucked back to my body.
I didn’t feel myself transition, though. Instead I floated there in the brilliant energy again. This time, talking to the woman who I had been talking to before, I told the woman, “I will stay right here, then.” As I told her this I created a long board and began to apply glue to it. I was showing her that I would glue myself to that spot and stay put. LOL

I lingered in the in-between for a while, soaking up the healing energy. This is how I started my day and I am so grateful for it.

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Dream: Erupting Volcano and Lightning Tower

As the “great conjunction” approaches my need for sleep has increased but my ability to fall asleep has decreased. I suspect all the holiday activities are to blame. My company held its annual Christmas party yesterday and so I spent several hours around a large group. While there I could sense them all – their gratitude, their struggles, their worries, their hope – and felt a comradery I’ve not felt before. Most of our employees I know only in name and feelings their individual energies was revealing in more than one way. But the more people I am around, the more wired I tend to be afterward. Sometimes it can take hours for me wind down.

Despite my lack of sleep I am having higher instances of Kundalini activity and my dream recall is also increasing.

I can’t help but wonder if the great conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter is contributing to all this new activity. Years ago, after several OBEs, I woke with memory of the movie The Dark Crystal. Here is the post if you want to read about it.

The theme song of the movie was in my head along with memories of the prophecy the entire movie was based upon. I loved the movie as a child so the memories immediately took me back to that time in my life. Surprising, I recalled the prophecy word-for-word:

When single shines the triple sun,
What was sundered and undone
Shall be whole, the two made one,
By Gelfling hand, or else by none.

When I heard about the up and coming “great conjunction” I recalled the part of the movie where Aughra said, “The great conjunction is at hand!” In another part of the movies she describes what the conjunction means:

“The Great Conjunction is the end of the world…or the beginning. End, begin. All the same! Big change! Sometimes good, sometimes bad!“

I had the below dream two nights ago. You will see how this dream relates to the above conjunction message if you focus on the symbolism of the dream.

Dream: Erupting Volcano and Lightning Tower

I was in a field behind my Mom’s house with my MIL (aspect of self, the old crone, wisdom). She was asking me to follow her. I had with me a bowl of food (spiritual sustenance) and my phone (communication). I saw that sky was overcast. Huge, dark clouds were rolling in but the sun’s rays were breaking through in areas. It was beautiful so I took out my phone to take photos but the food I carried was making it difficult. I couldn’t take a picture with just one hand and stood there fumbling a while before I put down the food bowl.

My MIL was waving for me to follow so I left the beautiful sky and ran after her. She was way ahead and I had to catch up.

The terrain changed. Trees disappeared and a rugged, dessert-like landscape took its place. I found myself standing near boulders (obstacles) at the base of a steep mountain (difficult path). Above and in the distance I saw a wide, solid red column of fire in the sky. In awe, I stood looking at it, again fumbling with my phone to take a picture. I remember exclaiming, “It’s a volcano (Kundalini)!” What is odd is that the eruption was not in spurts, shooting upward. Instead the column of fire seemed to flow like a river into the sky without any interruption in flow.

I went closer to inspect the odd volcano only to discover a tower rising high into the sky. It was like the tower connected to the sky and if you climbed it you could reach God. As I looked up at the tower I could see bolts of lightning striking it (the Tower card in traditional tarot). The entire tower would light up. I saw then it was made of metal in a grid fashion like a phone tower. The metal conducted the energy and the entire tower glowed bluish-white.

I remember climbing still further. Eventually we reached our destination which resembled an abandoned resort (transition is over) in a tropical area. I could see above me the empty rooms.  Rain (strong emotion) was falling in sheets but it didn’t get me wet. I walked toward the edge of the resort. There was a road that ended in a vast ocean. I could see a small fawn (true friends, faithfulness) struggling in the water. I wanted to save it and began to reach for it, telling my MIL, “Look! It’s a baby deer!” I could see it clearly as it approached the shore but then it morphed into a baby (new beginnings) when it reached the shore. I think I held it but can’t remember. 

Interpretation

This dream feels like both a warning and a Kundalini dream. The volcano is unlike what I’ve seen in other dreams. While volcanic eruptions are common Kundalini symbols in my dreams, the volcanoes tend to send fire into the sky in spurts. Sometimes there is lightning accompanying the eruption. I have described some of my experiences with the K energy as “lightning bolts of energy”, so that is likely what the lightning symbolizes in this dream as well. I find it interesting that in this dream the volcanic eruption is sustained, flowing continuously from root (Earth) to crown (Heaven).

Image from the Osho Zen Tarot deck

The tower is symbolic of the Tower card in tarot. When this card comes up it is a warning of major changes, usually unexpected. The change destroys the old to make way for the new. It typically shakes up the world of the person and there is no avoiding it. This is where the quote from Aughra comes in. The Tower card represents big change – sometimes good, sometimes bad but always destruction of the old to make way for the new.

The abandoned resort indicates a period of transition is over. The road, or my path, ends in an ocean of emotion and there is even more emotion with the rain, but I never get wet, meaning the emotion doesn’t overwhelm me. I try to rescue the fawn from drowning, meaning I want to avoid losing what the fawn represents – true friendship and/or faithfulness in a relationship. When it morphs into a baby it indicates new beginnings.

To add to the above dream and symbolism, I woke with the song Paradise by Coldplay in my head. The specific part I heard was:

And so lying underneath those stormy skies
She’d say, “Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, I know the sun must set to rise.”

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The Kundalini: Questions

More crazy dreams. I have no clue why, for most of 2020, my dreams and recall have been so funky, but this year has been odd all around. It is like a wave of strange and mysterious poured into the Collective Consciousness and has been slowly replicating, like a virus (ha!). As each “cell” of the Collective Be-ing is overtaken by this force, the “new” replicates” and overtakes more “cells”. We are now infected with the “new” and, as each “cell” is changed, the entire system is “shocked”. Electric shock therapy comes to mind for some reason. Perhaps it has the same result as ECT, perhaps not. I think it has to do with the the individual and how ready they are to accept this change. If not ready, then what? I shudder to consider the possibilities of this.

But I digress…..my main reason for this post was to ponder my dreams and what was on my mind as I awoke.

Dream: Leaving the Movie Theater

I went to a movie (experience one is focused on) with my mom and early on decided to leave the theater. I went to a restaurant (seeking spiritual nourishment) and sat at a table with two men and a woman. What was odd is that I sat there telling them what to look for in a bad relationship. I specifically targeted one of the men who would say and do things to try and control his girlfriend. They were to be married and I was trying to help them avoid a difficult path. It was very obvious that the relationship was not a good one but no one there seemed to see that.

I left to return to the movie. I found my ticket stub and approached the ticket counter but my foot hit the low counter. I saw the ticket person was in a wheelchair (dependency on others). I apologized for kicking the counter, blaming my high heels (sexual expression). The woman took my ticket and I asked if the movie was still playing. She told me the movie playing was “Halloween” and not the one I had been watching with my mom. She motioned to the theater to her right so I went in that direction but found no entrance. So I stood and waited for my Mom to emerge, checking the time and being confused. It was during this time that my root chakra activated, buzzing extremely strongly and woke me up.

I fell back into the in-between where I had a conversation with my guidance. I remember specifically trying to manifest someone in the bed with me, imagining how it might feel to have a partner who was like me and who I could merge the physical and spiritual with. I wondered if it was possible? And if so, would I survive it? Was I even capable? I did get an answer – Yes. I fell asleep not long after.

Dream: To the Bank…um Grocery Store

Most of this dream occurred in the dark (the unknown, unseen). The first part I recall is discussing purchasing food. I was with a younger woman sitting at a computer (communication, information). She kept suggesting we visit this particular website I had never heard of, some kind of social media site. I finally asked her what age group generally visited the website. She said, “Twenty-somethings.” I said, “Well I’m 44 so that website isn’t for me.” Ultimately I ordered four items. I think it was fish or chicken, or both, but I can’t remember except that I saw a visual of meat.

Then I was talking to my son who was upset because no one noticed his new haircut (loss, defeat, lack of progress). I told him I would fix it and upon looking saw that he had a buzzcut but had long, shoulder-length hair hanging around the edges. I took scissors and trimmed it but he ended up looking like he had a bowl cut in the front. lol

Next, I was with my husband traveling in a car (life path) in the dark. I had four checks in my hands that were written to pay for the food I purchased. We arrived at the bank (resources) when it was still closed. They let us in and we waited in the lobby as the employees prepared to open. I remember browsing through essential oils and picked up one called “Pleasure”, put some on and decided to buy it. I remember sending my husband to buy the oil blend but then he left the bottle behind. I didn’t go get it since I has already put some oil on me.

When we finally paid for the food I remember noticing that three of the meats were white colored but the last was red like salmon. I was told the red meat was in fact Flamingo (maturity, security) meat. lol It was specifically for my husband.

As I was leaving the bank I came to the double glass doors where I saw a gentleman assisting an elderly woman with her grocery cart. I held the door for him as he was coming in and he looked me in the eyes and said, “Thank you.” The man walked back outside with me, though, and I said, “Oh, I didn’t know you were going out.” He smiled at me and said, “It is great to see you again.” I said, “Oh? I hardly ever come here.” He said, “Well, you come here more than she does (the woman he was helping).” The man was walking backwards as he said this so he could look me in the eyes. He was quite handsome with black hair and pale skin. His eyes were also dark and when he smiled I swear his Light chased away the darkness of the night.

Then our paths diverged but as I walked out in the parking lot looking for the car I kept running into him. I mentioned this and he would just laugh and remind me that he saw me often.

Eventually, I came to some parked cars but I couldn’t see anything. It was pitch black outside. I scooted between the front bumpers of two cars and ran into a dog (protection, guidance) on a leash (restraint). The dog jumped up on me and startled me. I looked down and saw a beautiful Golden Retriever (retrieve, gain control). It licked me and whined and I remember petting it.

At this moment a message was sent to me. It materialized in my mind. I heard a woman’s voice as I read the letter. It said that her four horses (wild, free nature, sexuality) had gotten out and she was worried because her two dogs were not with them. She said, “I know they could find their way home if the dogs were with them, but without the dogs I fear they will be lost.” I saw two beautiful Irish Setters and remember thinking, “Those are not herding dogs…” and thought they would likely kill the horses.

When I woke up a song verse was repeating in my head, but only part of it, “I hope you know, I hope you know….”

The Kundalini: Questions

After I woke, I remember talking with my guidance, asking them questions. I was thinking of all the times the K has risen. It seems that it is either while I am sleeping (this is most frequent) or it is initiated by another K-active person, masculine specifically. When I am asleep I encounter other worldly Beings – non-human entities as some call them – OR one of my guides initiates the K. Sometimes my guides and the non-human entities are one and the same.

I wanted to know, “Can I initiate the K on my own? Or do I need someone/something else to initiate it for me? Why was I told to ‘let him initiate’ when specifically in contact with K-active masculines (has only happened two times)? Is this because, as a woman, I am suppose to be passive? Will it always be that someone/something else has to initiate the K in me? Or can I do it myself?”

I was very much missing the K energy and attempted to get it to rise without success. I can get the energy to swirl and expand, but not from the root upward. When I focus, breathe and relax/surrender, the K will originate in my middle back and then expand in a circular fashion outward until it is bigger than my physical body. Then I can sit in this bliss for a while but it doesn’t go any further than that.

My experiences of being “initiated” are much different. The energy will move either from root to crown or from other areas down and up at the same time (usually my head/neck or heart). The energy is very electric and orgasmic, extremely intense and pleasurable, and when it reaches my crown I feel transported elsewhere where I become One with everything. When in this state of Oneness I sometimes sense another in my body with me, or at least that is what it feels like. It seems that there is another energy occupying the same space as me. The other energy has looked through my eyes but often it just sits there with me. I am not uncomfortable with it. Instead it feels natural, as if this other energy is part of me and always has been.

As I conversed with my guidance, the song kept going through my head, especially when I asked “Why?”

“I hope you know, I hope you know….this has nothing to do with you. It’s personal, I hope you know….”

So, maybe, my experiences with the K are unique; my own? Maybe I experience it as I do because it is what I need and how the K works for me? It is hard to know for sure without others’ experiences to compare it to.

What is interesting is that when I went online one of the first things I read was a post on FB by a K-active female friend. She described a K experience she had that was very similar to one of my own. It seemed not only to be a sync but also a response to my questioning – I am not alone nor are my experiences unlike other women’s, at least this friend’s experiences are similar.

I would like to hear from other females who are K-active. Do you find you have to be “initiated” for the K to rise? Or can you initiate it yourself while not in a dream or with a male energy around you?

The bliss episodes I experience are pleasant but the rising experiences are few and far between. I long to experience that Oneness more frequently. If I could be there all the time, I would. The erotic, pleasurable experiences are great, too, but I long to be One with All, to feel that expansiveness and everything that goes with it.

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Kundalini Dream: Old Man

It has been a very long time since the Kundalini has visited me and it seems that other spiritual experiences are few and far between these days, also. However, I suspect this may be soon to change as we near the end of 2020. I hope I am right!

Last night, as I lay in bed doing my nightly breathing meditation (33 breaths with hands held in prayer position), my guidance was close. I was asking if I would ever feel what I have felt in the past – the heart connection and the Kundalini rising in conjunction with the connection with another; Union. I was feeling pessimistic but also there was a part of me that was accepting and Knowing. My guidance reassured me that I should not lose hope and keep on believing. I started to doubt it was my guidance telling me this when I began to feel energy building in my spine just beneath my rib cage. It was in the form of a ball and swirled warmly as it grew in diameter. The more I fell into the bliss of it and tuned into my guidance and Knowing, the more the energy expanded and filled me. It was subtly beautiful, warm and comforting. I usually call it an energy hug or blanket because of how safe and loved it makes me feel. 

I began to wonder about some things as I drifted to sleep. One of the thoughts I had was about Human Design and the undefined root chakra. When the root is undefined it makes a person feel pressure to get things done. They try tirelessly to relieve the pressure only to have another pressure take its place. It makes rush to get things done. It makes them feel frantic because nothing alleviates the pressure. I know the feeling well as I have had it my whole life. Yet now when I feel it I remind myself that I don’t have to hurry and that whatever it is can wait or not be done at all and the pressure disappears. I have somehow managed to allow and flow with the energy of the root. I recall observing my Mom rushing about all her life. She has an undefined root. I have also seen my husband do this (all the time) but I don’t have his chart so I can only speculate. My guess is my sister, who is always late, has a defined root, and my daughter, too, because they tend to procrastinate. 

I also thought of what it might be like when two people merge here in the physical. These were my last thoughts before I drifted into sleep.

Kundalini Dream – Old Man

I woke at around 3am with a half stopped up nose that made my other nostril hurt. I had to stay standing a while to clear the half that was clogged and then managed to fall back to sleep. The last things I was thinking about were my marriage. 

The dream sequence is broken, leaving me unsure of what happened first and last, so I am guessing as to how it proceeded. The most prominent part of the dream is that I was with small a group of people outside. The area was unfamiliar. I could see a plain of tall, dry grass (discomfort and loneliness) and a large river (the flow of life). Yet at other times I swear I was in my Mom’s house a place I spent half of my childhood years. 

At my Mom’s house there was an older man with white hair and a prominent pot belly. He handed me a paper with a job description on it. I read the job description which included a list of foods to be purchased. For some reason I became upset at the prospect of a job that was beneath me and paid so little. I told a person who was there with us that I wasn’t going to take a job that paid so little and was a service-oriented job similar to a maid or live-in housekeeper and cook. I remember saying that I deserved to be paid at least $20/hour, actually more and I was adamant about it. 

Then I was standing outside near the river. A house was nearby but it was old. I could see into it because the beams were exposed with some leaning in and others already fallen. Someone pointed up so I looked and I saw what appeared to be a tiny space craft. Someone said, “Oh look. It’s our drone.” I realized it was a drone (learning through observing) and watched it circle around as if spying on us. 

For some reason I was asked a series of questions about the old man. I don’t remember them all but do recall saying that I liked his energy and felt drawn to him.

Then I was standing right next to him, my left side touching his right, looking into the depths of the dilapidated house. I remember looking over at the old man and being acutely aware of how our energies mingled. Down in the basement (subconscious, unknown) I could see wooden pillars on cement blocks. The space was almost entirely opened up in the back where I could clearly see the river. I remember commenting on the river’s proximity and knowing it was meant to be that way. Someone asked me how I felt about the old man. Would I consider him as a partner? I considered his age and his physical state – he had a large pot belly and probably in his 60’s. I took note of this but his energy was so attractive that I said I wouldn’t mind being with him.

The next thing I recall is sitting at a table. Across from me sat a young man and to his right was the old man. The young man was highly energetic and for some reason he decided to switch seats with the old man so that the old man was sitting directly across from me. 

The dream is blurry here as I seemed to switch scenes going from the table to my old bedroom. In the bedroom scene I was in bed and to my left my daughter sat at a desk typing on a computer. I also remember shifting between my bed and the other areas of my Mom’s house. I recall the old man was visiting the house and that he played music. I also remember he was quite odd and quirky and was about to leave on a trip. My husband was there and chatting with the old man. All I remember is that I watched the old man closely, recognizing his energy and wanting to be close to him. In the bedroom scene my daughter stole my computer’s hard drive and battery so that when I tried to use it the keyboard was missing.

Back in the main part of the house, the old man was preparing to leave. He mentioned something about Kentucky and traveling. I briefly saw a map, one I’ve seen before from a dream where I visited Georgia. I remember my daughter was there and said something about a baby (new life, new beginnings, hope) and the time frame of a week. The old man said it would take more than a week and I heard the date of the 25th which made me think of Christmas.

I don’t remember how but the next thing I recall is the old man standing behind me and I began to gain lucidity. His mere presence sparked the K and it began to rise up in an intoxicating way. The higher it went the more lucid I became until it suddenly stopped mid-way, around my solar plexus. It lingered there, filling me up and expanding. I remember that at some point the man and I embraced and I could feel his large abdomen pressing against me. Eventually I woke up but the energy lingered for a while and I lay there breathless wanting badly to return to sleep so that it could continue to rise. 

Music Message

As I drifted in and out of the in-between a song was going through my head – Coldplay X&Y. The specific part was, “You are me are floating on a tidal wave together…you and me are drifting into outer space.” 

I kept feeling energy in my head, specifically near the crown and third-eye. It was light, not heavy. The energy was inviting, asking me to surrender to it, but I couldn’t get my mind to stop. I wanted to remember the dream experience. I wanted to relish the lingering bliss. I knew that my resistance was keeping me from something. It was as if my guidance wanted to show me more and was beckoning to me. 

The entire time the Coldplay song is still going through my head. Pieces of it repeat – “I know something is broken and I’m trying to fix it, trying to repair it anyway I can….”

I know I fell back to sleep and had more dreams but they are blurry and I think they blended with my dream memory. I believe this is when the split scene of me in bed and then in my Mom’s house occurred but I can’t be certain. There was no memory to my computer in this scene and I was trying to write down my dream account. lol

When I woke I had a thought about the pillars in the basement and the scene where I was sitting across from the old man. These reminded me of a previous Kundalini dream from September this year where I was shown an image of pillars falling in on one another. Perhaps the meaning of the fallen pillars in the basement is an indication that I am in the midst of the chaos depicted in that dream? A chaos that was in fact an organized destruction. All of it leading up to the inner Union of masculine and feminine.

I am hoping that the dream message about the 1 week and the 25th has to do with something up and coming related to the Kundalini. I so miss these Kundalini experiences and would love to have them more often.

Post Image – Missouri River, Montana