Category Archives: Messages

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Mother’s Day OBEs

Happy Mother’s Day!

It has been a while since I’ve had an OBE. This morning I woke at 6:40am feeling very rested and pleased with the quality of sleep I had. I was not eager to get up and start my day, though. So I decided to go back to sleep.

OBE 1

The first thing I recall is being in bed, covers up to my neck, snuggled in and feeling really drowsy. I kept hearing heavy metal music playing. At the time I knew the song but now I have no idea what song it was now. My husband got into bed and I physically felt the bed move with his weight. The movement and music signaled to me that I was dreaming.

As I lay there screens appeared in front of me of various scenes. My memory is foggy now but eventually, after seeing several and continuing to hear the music, I decided to go into one of the screens. When I did so my energy body shifted and I knew I was OOB.

Rather than emerge in the screen scene, I was standing inside an unfamiliar bedroom. The lights were off but I could see enough to make my way around the bed toward the door. Outside the room it resembled my Mom’s living room. I saw the front door and thought, “That was fast” in regards to the distance I traveled to get to the door. Also, I recognized my energy body was very, very balanced and had I not known I was OOB I would very likely have thought I was awake.

The interesting thing here is that as I started toward the door intent to go outside, the entire wall and door became transparent and I could see the front yard in vivid detail right through it. Then I was outside and immediately took flight. As I did I saw my dog Trooper running toward me. He was barking and not acting very nice, which is odd. I wasn’t phased, though, and turned around mid-flight to try and coax him into flight with me. He refused.

I turned back and flew up into the sky enjoying my freedom. I don’t recall much here of how I got to the next place I found myself but I know I flew along as I spoke with a male guide. The topic was about change I think and I remember hearing the word “Chiron”. I flew over a city with tall skyscrapers and typical city streets. To my right was a vast, dark body of water like a lake. The water seemed nearly black it was so dark and it was quite still. There was a broad city bridge to the left of it, like a parkway and I had the sense that someone waited for me there, perhaps the male guide I was talking to. So I stayed away from the bridge and water, observing as I hovered next to a tall apartment building.

As I stood there talking to this guide I seemed suddenly massive and the building like a model or toy in comparison. I looked into the tiny, lit window, saw no movement and then took off the roof. It was as if I was a giant curiously looking for the tiny creatures that lives in the world below.  I looked inside for people, saw none, and tossed the roof. Then I took another layer off. This time I saw a tiny person in a perfectly tiny kitchen. The person was unclothed and was smaller than a paperclip. I took the tiny body, which didn’t move or protest, and flung it over my shoulder in the direction of the water.

Suddenly disinterested, I shrank back down and flew into the city streets. I saw a small store, the name written on the sign stood out to me. It sounded very much like Chiron. I flew inside singing a song about change. People were gathered together inside. It was a bar I think but the lights were bright and the people were milling about seeming to be doing nothing in particular. I floated around the room looking each person in the face as I sang. The people reacted as if they did not know me. Most smiled or seemed curious as to who I was and why I was there. No one spoke, though, and I soon became bored. I had hoped to find someone there I felt a spiritual connection with.

False Awakening

Eventually the energy shifted and I was back in bed. At the time I thought I was awake but I was still OOB. I was thinking, “I need to write this down before I forget.” I remember noting the message of “Chiron” and there was another message about a type of healing modality but I can’t remember the word now. I got out of bed and saw an outline of light indicating a door to my right. I remember thinking it was the door to the bathroom showing through the bedroom closet. I thought, “Someone must have left the light on in the bathroom. I need to turn it off.”

As I headed toward the bedroom door, my husband said something to me. I think he said, “Don’t be gone too long.” I paused at the door. I sensed something was not right.  I headed into the living area and again it looked like my Mom’s house only the bathroom I was seeking was not there. This confused me. I felt like I needed to turn off the light. Where was I? What was I doing? I couldn’t remember my initial intent to type out my OBE before I forgot it.

OBE 2

My momentary confusion shifted me back to my body briefly. I knew I could exit despite the vibrations being almost nonexistent. My energy was so balanced that it was very difficult to discern what reality I found myself in. Ultimately I didn’t think but shifted to pure feeling/intuition, following that part of me that speaks without words.

Again I found myself very quickly moving from the bedroom to the living area. This time I didn’t pause at the front door but just moved through it into the front yard. Again it was transparent and offered no resistance as I passed through.

Outside I immediately took flight again. This time there was no dog. It was quite green and peaceful. In the distance, under a large oak tree, I saw two men sitting side by side on a wooden swing. Excited to see other people in what was very obviously my own personal universe, I floated over to them. I got there instantly and floated in front of them. I said, “Hi! Who are you?” The two men were identical. Twins. Both had dark hair and eyes, wore glasses and had beards. They appeared to be young and for a moment a flash of memory came to me of two twin boys. I knew these men were those boys and I recognized them. I knew them!

The two men looked at each other as if in silent communication. The man on the right (my left) got up from the swing and then seemed to vanish. I sensed that he needed to go; that his twin was meant to talk with me. I asked the remaining man, “Where did he go?” The man pointed to the thick trees and bushes behind me and said, “Just over there.” Oddly I seemed to understand completely, as if that location was where he belonged.

The man and I spoke for a little while after that. His face is still vivid to me but I have no idea who he was except maybe an aspect of myself there to provide guidance. The specifics of the conversations, as usual, are lost to me now. I seemed to immediately know he was there to provide guidance and based upon the feelings that arise from my memory of our encounter, I explained that I was unhappy and struggling with feeling unmotivated. Life feels to have no purpose anymore. My desire and motivation is low. I don’t understand why so little has changed in my world when so much has changed within. I wonder, what is the point of all my spiritual transformation if nothing in my physical world ever changes?

All of this was explained in an instant. I feel that it was communicated but there were no words, only a questioning look by me.

What I remember of his response was once sentence. He said, “You have to BE different.” In hearing this I knew that transformation within is just the first step. The next step is to take that inner transformation and transmute it into the physical.

My memory here is limited. The last thing I remember is receiving the message and seeing my guide’s face. My energy shifted and I once again went back to being in bed and struggling to differentiate between dream and reality.

It took me a bit but I managed to finally shifted fully back into my physical body. A song was going through my head. I mainly recall hearing, “So I stay…..”

 

 

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Message: Slow Down, Don’t Fall Off the Edge

Sunday I went to the funeral of the man who set himself on fire in our old house. I didn’t really want to go but felt I should.

The funeral was nice and, as most funerals do, it focused on only the positive about the deceased. There was quite a bit of crying and sharing of stories. I managed okay by keeping a tight reign on my energy field so as to not over empathize. At one point, though, my guidance suggested I open up a bit. When I did, I felt the presence of Spirit to my left, felt the grief wash over me and heard a quiet, “Thank you.” I knew it was from the deceased and rather than become emotional like everyone else, I pulled my energy back but not before my eyes got teary.

At the end we went outside for the military honors portion which was a first for me. My mom and step-father were there so we all went out to eat dinner afterward. It was a very enjoyable dinner with lots of laughing and good conversation.

Since the funeral I have not felt the deceased around. I think he may have moved on, or at least away from me, but then I have been quite distracted so it could just be I am not noticing him because of that. It appears that there was a warning in the “fire” of the man’s passing, a warning of the Kundalini’s return. I have been having waves of the energy rushing through me, lighting up my third-eye, heart, solar plexus, throat, and root (almost all of my chakras). It got so intense that I gratefully immersed myself in my normal exercise routine to ground the energy.

When I woke this morning the energy was present again, only this time in my second chakra and crown.

All throughout I have been sensing a message of, “Slow down” and “Take it slow” from my guidance. Funny enough, as if to push the point, I had a wonderful encounter with a very large turtle in my back yard last night. We have a creek that runs along the border of our property. Just recently it flooded quite severely but the water receded as soon as the rain stopped. The turtle was likely seeking a reprieve from too much water, sunning himself near the water’s edge. Despite myself and my entire family getting very close, he refused to move. He looked like a large, moss covered rock, ancient and strong.

Along with the message of “slow down”, I have also been receiving warnings. Specifically I have heard, “Passion is a double edge sword.” With it comes a visual of walking on a tightrope. Don’t fall off the edge….

Another message came in the song, Borderline, by Madonna. Specifically, “You keep pushing my love over the borderline.”

Dreams

I’ve been sleeping deeply without too many dream memories upon waking. I recall one dream from last night where I was de-cluttering my daughter’s room. What is most memorable is her closet. She had been using it as a shower and so the clothing and furniture that was near it was becoming soaked. I went directly to it and began to move the items away. I found a huge bundle of belts (feeling conflict between what I think and what I feel). More than any person could ever wear. I was saying, “Why do you have so many belts? You don’t even wear belts.” I took them and separated out the majority for donation.

Inside her closet there were clothes on the floor. I picked up two coats (protection) and put them on hangers. They were her brother’s coats, not hers. Near the closet was a small nightstand with drawers. I had to move it across the room but there was not any space left. So I set it on top of her dresser. When I did this, the table morphed into a white tank or aquarium (emotions yet to be confronted, feeling of going in circles). Inside was a set up for a turtle or similar. The tank filled partially with water when I set it on the dresser.

Considerations

When I woke I was full of thoughts over how to reconcile the human and spiritual sides of myself. The two must be in balance and if they aren’t then problems or conflict will occur. What the spiritual desires the physical side may not yet be ready to embrace. The dream seemed to echo my thoughts, especially in the cluttered room and the multitude of belts.

 

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What If?

Yesterday had a particular quality of energy to it that followed me throughout the day. Maybe it was the awful news from the day before reminding me that death comes to us all, but I could not shake the feeling that time was ticking away.

A memory of something I was told close to a decade ago came back to me. I was sitting on the porch of our old house. My guidance asked me, “If you only had 10 years left to live, what would you do differently?” After a brief consideration I answered, “Nothing.”

With this was a nagging memory of the dream from the night before indicating a 6 month time frame. It made the feeling of time ticking away that much stronger. I tried to think what year it was that the question above was asked. How old was my daughter? What events do I remember around that time? I can’t recall and my journals do not mention the question. That means it must have been between 2009-2010. That means the 10 years is fast approaching or maybe even already here.

I pushed the consideration that my “time is up” out of my head. Surely that question so many years ago was not literal? Then I thought to myself, “What if it is up?” And I thought, “I would be okay with that.” Then I wondered, “Would I change anything?” I laughed and told my guidance, “I would smoke every night…no wait, I would smoke pot. I miss smoking pot.” lol I recall my guidance asking, “What about living life? What about your family?” I was reminded that pot blurs things, pushes me into the trance state and leaves me foggy. Probably not a good way to spend my life, not really being here and enjoying my family.

Then I was sad because if I had that little time left then I likely was not going to connect with a person at the physical and spiritual level; experience and share that glorious Divine state with another. I heard my guidance say, “You never know what can happen in six months.”

My own mortality doesn’t bother me really. Death doesn’t scare me. I am more than ready to explore what lies beyond the physical. I do it already in my sleep and sometimes during the day. And I know these kinds of messages are often misinterpreted. Yet when I fully embrace the possibility that I have so little time left I do not want it to end. Weird, huh? It is probably exactly what my guidance intended me to realize. They often say to me, “You don’t want to die. You want to live.”

Dream: What If?

I met my physical counterpart only we were much younger – late teens, early twenties. We began a relationship but he was not at all as expected. When we made love he was very distant and I felt used during and discarded after. The connection between us that I knew was there was never present during those times. It was very physical and not at all spiritual or magical.

I kept making excuses for him – he must be tired, maybe he’s just feeling frustrated, next time will be better, etc. There was no way I was going to bring up my concerns to him because he might decide to break up with me or get angry.

Then there were the people he hung around with. They were shady and doing things that felt to be illegal. He took me with him to do something and dropped me at one of his friend’s houses to stay there until he was finished. The friend was a blonde lady who was older, a bit overweight and very rough around the edges. The house was nice with nice things and the woman was dressed well and wore lots of fine jewelry. She was not wanting for anything.

I remember sitting in my bedroom there thinking to myself and having a conversation with someone, a guide likely, about the situation I found myself in. The disconnected sex, the feeling of being used, the disappointment, the fear, etc. The woman came in at one point and told me that she had left some dishes – glasses specifically – out for me to put away. She told me, “If you are going to stay here then you are going to pitch in.” The request felt more like a threat and I told her I was sorry and would get around to it, but lingered talking to my guide a bit longer.

I recall considering that I may had projected the love and connection I desired onto my boyfriend. It was an expectation he could not meet and so the disconnect grew between us. The feelings I experienced at this point were disappointment at myself and a kind of resignation or surrender.

I went into the kitchen to put away the glasses (transcendence). They were set out on the counter. I noticed how nice the kitchen was. It had a section just for making coffee (awareness), espresso and cappuccino – every kind of coffee imaginable. I opened the cabinet to put away the glasses and noticed there were small circular raised spots the perfectly fit them. I knew to place a glass on each circle.

Dream: Silver Dollar

Then I was walking into a room full of people who were sitting at a massive oval table. There were more than I could count and they recognized me as I entered. The gathering was of people with spiritual abilities of all kinds. They were just like me.

A woman pulled out a seat for me and greeted me, asking me where I had been. The dream I had just left felt so real to me and I was confused for a bit. She asked about my physical counterpart and a memory came to me of being with him at the pool. I recalled it had been August and we had been dating since mid-summer. That was the first time we ever got intimate and the memory of the experience was so raw and devoid of connection that I withdrew from it. I immediately made an excuse for him in my mind.

At this point in the dream I was feeling really guilty for my behavior and avoidance of the truth. The woman began to distract me with coins. She laid them out before me. I remember she had some rare ones, silver dollars (strong spiritual abilities) that were larger than a dinner dish. I pointed out how rare they were and she said she had more. She took me to her room and opened a chest. Inside were more. I remember she was excited that they might be worth something. She said she had access to as many as she wanted from the church.

Dream: Ukraine

The next thing I recall is visiting a farm in the middle of nowhere. It was beautiful country and the house was small and quaint. It had a very foreign feel to it yet at the same time I felt at home there.

I was still young, probably around 18 years old, and visiting the family for an unknown reason. The couple who lived there showed me various aspects of farm life. I mostly remember seeing several large dogs (protection, fidelity) who were about to have their hair shaved and petting one.

The couple had several children of various ages. At one point were were all gathered together peeling various fruits and vegetables. I sat on the floor. There were two young men sitting above me at the table.

I sat peeling a Kiwi (period of growth and good fortune) and talking to a younger sibling about eating a banana. I recall seeing the mashed (suppressed) banana (playfulness) on the floor and looking at the Kiwi fruit in my hand. A conversation started between me and the boys. I asked their ages and the older one said his brother was 15 and he was 18. The brother at this point felt like my physical counterpart but it was like a passing thought I did not pay attention to.

As we talked another dream took form within the dream. Me and the older boy and his siblings were walking through a channel filled with water (emotion). The water was about waist high. There was tall grass on either side and overall I felt curious like a child. As we walked we encountered a group of gypsies (time to awaken spiritual abilities). The boy indicated to keep going so we did, only one gypsy intercepted us and the dream faded out.

I was back talking to the older boy. His appearance was clearer and I grew more lucid. He had black hair and brown eyes and was very attractive and I could feel an intensity of interest from him. I thought to myself, “He is interested in me.” He said something to me and I saw the entire dream sequence above again, only this time in reverse. Then it played over again only this time the gypsies did not intercept us and we continued on our way.

My awareness went back to the house and I was staring at the boy. He looked at me very seriously and asked me, “Why did you really come here? Was it just to pick out a dog? Or did you intend to choose a (husband maybe – I can’t recall the word he used now)”.

When he said this my lucidity peaked even more and it was as if he and I were face to face. I suddenly knew I was in the Ukraine, which made no sense. As we stared into each other’s eyes a beautiful energy enveloped me and I could feel the connection between us. I remember thinking, “I know you” but before I could continue the energy woke me.

I lay in bed for a while with the bliss, snuggling into it as much as I could before it inevitably passed. I did not want to wake up.

A song was going through my mind – “I will remember you. Will you remember me. Don’t let your life, pass you by. Weep not for the memories.”

Considerations

It is rare that I have dreams where I feel like I just lived an entire life. That was what the first one felt like. It felt real. It felt like I lived it. Had I not entered into the second dream and talked about the first one, I likely would have continued to think it was not a dream.

At first it feels like the dream is about my physical counterpart, but after a while it seems more similar to how I am with men in relationships, at least the emotions are. If I am unhappy early on I do not voice it. I make excuses for them and think their faults will magically disappear down the road. I want it to work out so bad that I ignore the bad and put up with things I otherwise would not just to make the relationship work.

The table with the circle seems to be me connecting with others like me, those who are working to help humanity, using their spiritual abilities and awareness, etc. The message seems to be that I need to tap into my abilities.

The last dream is the most odd. I do not understand it really but the feeling of connection was there and the bliss was beautiful. Again, it was very vivid, like I had actually visited the country of Ukraine.

The song seems to say, “Don’t linger on the past. Enjoy the present. You are alive!” It feels like I am being reminded that life is a gift, so I need to live it.

Interestingly, I had this thought on my own on Saturday when I decided to let my son pick his birthday activities. I decided to stop worrying over future what if’s – money, retirement, health – and focus on the present. How can I make the present better for me and my family? Do things that we all enjoy regardless of the present cost (money-wise) or potential for it to drain our savings (future consideration). Live life for today.

We will be going on a family vacation to South Padre again in May. In between I hope to just be less restrictive overall. There is no point in holding back today when there may not be a tomorrow. This is what I think my guides mean when they say, “You are ALIVE.”

Also, another sync – when I checked my gmail this morning there was a question on Quora listed – What makes a person remember you?” I still had the song above on my mind. Ha!

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Diventar

Another full night of dreams.

Dream: Death of a Father

I only recall the ending of this dream.

There was a river flooding but it was contained in a channel. I watched as workers sifted through the sludge. I was asking questions about the process. They called it “rafting” I think and I did not understand the word as I had never heard of it. It seemed the process consisted of taking an object across the water’s surface to clean it.

The water was choppy and rough. The color was brownish like sludge. Yet it was contained and no one seemed concerned about it.

A young woman was with me. She was Steve Irwin’s daughter. We were talking about her Dad’s death and how she wished she had known him better. I don’t remember the specific words now but at some point I empathized so much with her that I began to feel her grief. Tears poured out of my eyes. I could feel them on my physical body’s cheeks but this did not wake me. At the same time I remember holding a large, white pillow in my arms and squeezing it close to me for comfort.

At this point I became lucid. I had awareness of myself within the dream, my physical body and of being in the in-between. A conversation was taking place between myself and a guide about a decision I had made the night before about putting my children first no matter what.

The dream consisted of me watching video footage I had taken of my father when he was alive (I never did this in real life). I was playing it for my sister and explaining what it was. There was footage of him in San Francisco. There was also a movie I recorded as a reminder of him. There was more footage of various times near the ocean. I saw three large fish, like dolphins, walking on their tail fins toward the water. It was the oddest sight to see them walking and holding fins as if human.

As the video footage ended I remember thinking, “I should have taken more video.” Yet I knew no amount of video would have been enough.

While reviewing the video I was being asked probing questions about my decision to put my children first, even over my own wants/desires. The guide was asking me why I decided this. I told him I wanted their memories of their childhood to be good ones, for them to remember their parents as a team. I had resolved to just agree with my husband even when I did not if it was in front of the children. I had decided to give them as much of what they wanted as I could. I had decided that my desires lately have been selfish and to put them aside for my children. My guidance asked how well I thought I would provide all this for my children if I was unhappy. I told him, “Leave me alone.” lol

This brought me to full awareness. I opened my still wet eyes and wondered about the dream. The newness of my tears confused me because it seemed like much time had passed since I cried in my dream.

I fell into the in-between after that.

Messages

There is memory of being asked what I wanted. I remember telling my guidance what I have told them countless times. They asked me to reconsider reaching out to my physical counterpart. I told them I would not and to stop pushing me as I wondered why he was coming into my thoughts again after such a long time. I knew he had been “calling” me for the past few months. I remember wondering “why” again about the whole experience regarding him and feeling very discouraged.

That is when I received a vision of a hand-written letter. It was folded horizontally in half. I knew it was a thank you letter. I opened it and read it:

It’s been a difficult experience working with the team.

Thank you.

This was unexpected and brought me out of my reverie. I opened my eyes, reminded myself of what I said to remember it, and then closed my eyes again.

Then I heard:

You will experience unexpected love in three days.

I opened my eyes again, repeated it to myself and then closed my eyes. I tried not to think of what the message could mean.

Immediately I saw myself sitting in a wooden chair in the middle of an empty room. Ropes bound me to the chair. I watched as a pile of pillows was stacked around me like a barricade. I remember thinking, “I am bound but protected.”

Then I heard myself talking to a man wearing a sweatshirt, his face hidden by the hood. I was speaking in another language. I recall saying the word “diventar”. I opened my eyes immediately because it was so audible. I thought to my guidance, “Enough! I’m tired.” But after that I could not return to sleep. All the messages were cycling round and round my mind.

I Googled the word I said: Diventar  –  Italian, “to become”.

Considerations and Interpretation

I am mostly writing all this down to document it. It does me no good to try and analyze it all.

The dream is an odd one. I do not know why I dreamed of Steve Irwin of all people. Perhaps he was symbolic of my experience with my own father? Or maybe he represents my husband as a father to our children? Either way I felt loss and the dream later shifted to me trying to capture memories of my own father, but the memories were dream memories.

The flooded river of murky water being sifted through is most definitely me looking at and sifting through my muddy emotions. These emotions are contained and present no threat, but must me sifted through to find clarity.

The dolphin family was very unexpected. Dolphins can represent many different things but in this context it likely represents expression of emotion and spiritual guidance. It can also indicate future experiences containing joy and connection with others.

The whole experience of being in three places at once and having awareness of all three was a new one, but it did not feel out of the ordinary. My guidance was trying to get me to reconsider giving up things I desire/want for myself to create what I consider an ideal scene for my children.

I suppose the question remains: What would make my children most happy? A happy me? Or a me giving them a pretense of family happiness and togetherness? I look at my own childhood, broken by a bitter divorce when I was 8 years old, and I think, “I never want my children to go through that.” Sadly, I never got a mom and dad who loved and supported each other. I got fights, bitter arguments and parents who used me and my sisters to get back at each other.

The thank you message was nice, I suppose, but it didn’t help me feel better. Seeing myself bound to a chair surrounded by pillows was not very encouraging either.

Pillow can represent support. The pile of pillows around me was so high I could not see over it if I tried. So many pillows could mean a lack of awareness or that I am surrounding myself with comfort.

Being bound is more literal. I am bound to a situation. The chair represents the situation. It was not a comfortable chair, so not a comfortable situation.

Diventar likely is just an indication that I am becoming something; transformation.

 

 

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A Return to “Normal” and Dream: Rattlesnake

It seems the past month or so was another lifetime to me now. It is so odd how different I feel. I suppose it was like my guidance said to me – “Welcome back” – in that I must have fallen into the darkness of my shadow self for a while, or something like that. I really do not wish to return there but I understand the purpose behind it and know that to resist it is not in my best interest.

Only recently has my guidance been more communicative and close, lending me their support and wrapping me in energy hugs. Song messages are returning as is nightly reassurance. This morning the song Right Here Waiting was prominent.

Dreamtime is becoming more active now as well, which is nice. I feel incomplete without my dream adventures, even if they are normal dreams and nothing exceptional. My dreams connect me with a part of myself that can be hard to contact during my waking hours. It gives me a glimpse into another world, one much more interesting and exciting than the physical world.

Recently, when connecting to my guidance, I perceived the other world I enter when talking with them. I can’t see it with my physical eyes. It is only darkness behind my eyelids. Yet when I look with my psychic sight I can see so much, only it is not bright and colorful as it would be in the astral. It is all shadows and seemingly imagination. I wished to see behind closed eyes like I see when I am exploring the astral realms and asked if it was possible while awake and fully conscious of this physical world and body. I heard that it was. Conceiving of such a thing is difficult for me, but what an amazing gift it would be!

I was reminded that belief determines the limitations of human existence.

Lately I feel a heart expansion is on the horizon. When, I can’t say, but I sense it and have had the Knowing many times over the past month or so, even when visiting that shadow part of myself. Somehow the diving into the shadow was related to this next opening. There is also a thorough discussion of my concurrent attraction and fear of desire going on behind the scenes. I am being asked to observe and explore the reasons behind this phenomenon.

At present my best understanding is that I am fighting a belief that desire is inherently “evil” or “bad” because it causes one to do, say, think things that lead to upset in their lives. Yet my individual experiences so far have shown me another side to desire, one that allows a glimpse into Self and to an expansiveness beyond the limitations of this existence. There is such curiosity in me to explore this part of myself that when I feel desire taking over I fall immediately into this space and bask in – I want to say “glory” of it.

So there are two parts of me at “war”. One clings to safety and sameness. She resists the call of desire for fear of the change that she believes will result. Then there is the me who feels to be dying from too much sameness and security, hears the call of desire and wants desperately to lose herself to it.

At this point I don’t know which one is better or worse or if to categorize them is the right thing. My best guess is to somehow find a balance between them, but even that feels wrong. Really, what feels right is that this is a process that will sort itself on its own without me having to do anything in particular but allow and fully experiences both sides of the coin (of me).

It’s the path of no resistance, of allowance and surrender that I must take.

My life will reflect back at me my progress. (ouch that one hurt)

The first thought I have is of my marriage and how, no matter what I try, my husband refuses to budge and insists that the best place for us is together.

Then I see my job and how smoothly that is going because I came to a decision about what I wanted and allowed it to be given, even if it was not where my human mind consider would be a good fit for me. Tossed expectation completely and just waited for my intent to manifest however the Universe decided to give it. Trusting fully that it would be what was best for me.

So, it is suggested I do the same with my marriage/relationship path.

That means to continue to focus on what I want and allow the Universe to give it. This means tossing expectation and trusting the Universe to provide.

However, with my career path I exited that which was unwanted and waited in a space of nothingness until what I wanted was given. I’m not sure I can exit the unwanted so easily this time around. Yet an exit was provided with career. I expressed what was needed for an exit to the Universe and it was provided.

Yes, it took time, but it happened as I requested/intended. No, I didn’t do it consciously for the most part. Imagine what can happen if I do it consciously….

Time and belief are the obstacles. Time in that it seems never-ending yet at the same time to be ticking away. Belief in that inner “war” I mentioned above.

I still have so many questions regarding this process but if I did it regarding career then I guess I an do it in other areas, right?

Dream: Giant Rattlesnake 

The dream began with me visiting an old school I use to work at. I wanted to see how things had changed. I walked through the halls and found stairs that were not there previously. These stairs connected the grade levels. I walked through the levels using the stairs and entered a 5th grade classroom where the students were being prepared for a test. I walked across the hall to another classroom. The students were not there yet and I looked around at their desks. The teacher then entered and we spoke. There was this general friendliness and acceptance of me from them which was refreshing.

The teacher talked to the students about the test and I gave them encouragement. There was a sense that these kids were extremely intelligent and being prepped for advanced levels. As they formed testing groups, I left via the back door.

The entire time I was talking to someone about what I was seeing. I never saw him, though.

Outside I walked around a courtyard that was greening up from Spring. As I walked across the grass something moved and I jumped. It was a large rattlesnake and it slithered quickly away. I turned and yelled, “Snake! Get all the kids inside!!” A man wearing a maintenance uniform went after the snake with a stick. The snake turned toward him to defend itself. As it turned it morphed into a monstrous thing that resembled a dragon mixed with an eel. It was bright green and long with a brown dorsal fin. It’s head was enormous and when it opened its mouth rows of sharp teeth were visible. Yet it only got as tall as a large dog. The man stabbed the creature in the head over and over again until it was dead.

I thanked the man and he smiled and told me, “You’re welcome. Just doing my job.”

We conversed for a while. He was the maintenance man for the school and had been 20 years on the job. I told him I use to work there and he might remember me. He said he did.

His appearance was not familiar to me. He was tall, with light hair and a nice smile. He looked to be in his mid-40’s or maybe 50’s. His waistline was widening with age and he was wearing a gray-blue uniform.

I remember sensing his energy and his interest in me. My reply to this was that he was too old for me. lol I don’t think he took it personally, though, it was like we conversed via our energy as well as with words.

Interpretation

Based upon some other dreams from the night, this dream is about my issues with desire (Kundalini) and wanting help handling what I consider something that can easily get out of control. Thus the rattlesnake turning into a crazy, monstrous eel-dragon creature. The other dreams from last indicate I am also afraid of having no desire, of feeling unable to contact the feeling and being numb. The Kundalini dream is connected to the teacher/counselor version of myself and the other dreams of fearing no desire are linked to my mother role.

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Dream Message and OBE: I Need Somebody

Today I leave for Hawaii. It also happens to be my co-worker’s funeral. Unfortunately, our flight plans overlap the funeral so we won’t be able to attend.

My husband has been home since Wednesday. As a result I have experienced much relief of stress. It is wonderful!

There has been some odd happenings, though. For example, I heard “On the Road Again” five times in one evening. Three times on the way to visit my mom (a 40 minute drive) and two times on the drive home. What is even more odd is that when we arrived the song just began to play and when we turned on the car to leave – three hours later – the song was just ending! How crazy is that?

Two nights ago I had a dream in which a woman was showing me how to “see”. It was energetic mostly and I woke up wondering about it. The energy shifted up into my third-eye and then I experienced a force behind my eyes that I have felt before. It was as if my eyes were someone else’s.

Then last night I felt a female presence put her hand on my left shoulder. I felt others in Spirit with her and there was a message, “We will help you.”

Dream: Message About Panic

The beginning is fuzzy but I remember being in a kitchen, opening a fridge and pulling out a large melon. I asked my MIL,”Do you want some cantaloupe?” and she said, “What kind?” I told her it was a different kind and showed her. It looked more like a gourde than a cantaloupe and when I cut it open it was full of seeds. I placed it in front of a cat that was sitting at the table like a child. The cat was very sad and I wanted to help so I offered it some of the cut open fruit. I said to it, “Is it too hot? Here, have some of the meat.” I placed some of the meat on the plate. It looked like ground beef. The cat shifted into what looked like a little boy.

I was then heading to a household with the cat/boy. Inside I encountered a husband and wife. The husband was very angry and told me I was not wanted there. It felt like we had a history. There was a small boy on the floor playing with Legos. He looked sad and told me that things weren’t the same with his friend gone. He said he use to play all day with his friend. I remember explaining to his parents the situation and tried to describe the boy’s sadness. I said, “What if someone – what if you were to get a divorce after being married 20 years. How would it make you feel?” The man got very angry at me, saying, “How dare you….!” I then switched it and said, “Okay, what if I got a divorce. How do you think it would make me feel?” He was still very angry, face red and seemed like he might hurt me physically. Yet I still approached him and put my hand on his heart. I asked again, “How do you feel?”

He didn’t answer but I saw words in his heart. They were all kinds of emotion in statements – I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel loved… and on and on. He seemed not to know how to answer. I remember telling him, “Panic is how grace and love enter the body. Look there.”

After hearing myself say this, I turned to the wife who was standing behind me. I asked her, “How do you feel?” She opened her arms and I placed my head on her heart (she was very tall). She said to me, “My life is a mess.” By the time she said this I was already sobbing, tears pouring down my cheeks and my nose stopping up. The woman just stood there and let me cry.

The emotion and what had just transpired brought me to full lucidity and I woke up.

When I woke I could not forgot what I had told the man and knew it was me giving myself a message. “Panic is how grace and love enter the body. Look there.” Wow. I got up and wrote it down intent on not forgetting it.

OBE: I Need Somebody

It took me a while to go back to sleep and I had the thought that I might project, but did not set an intention to.

The last thing I remember thinking about was preparing for my trip to Hawaii today and charging my new wireless earbuds for the long flight.

The next thing I know I am aware of being in my room talking to someone but I can’t recall the conversation. The room was dark and there was music playing – a song I recognized. It was very loud, complete with all the music and vocals. The lyrics were, “All I need is a miracle. All I need is you…” When I heard it I said aloud, “All I need is me.” I felt proud of myself for saying/knowing this. I saw myself in my mind as being Whole in Self. It appeared as a shadow part of me merging with a more solid me.

I was then certain I could shift OOB. The energy didn’t feel quite right but I did not hesitate and with ease I found myself hovering beside my bed facing the large window beside it.

My energy was shifty and I knew I needed to move away from my body but I was so pleased with myself that I lingered a while and looked around. The room was dark but light was coming in through the window. The window was cracked open at the bottom and the top was covered in ivy and small flowers that looked to be woven into it. I remember thinking I should say, “Clarity now!” to improve my energy but I thought, “I don’t need that” and so never said it.

Then a very large dragonfly flew in front of me. It turned and looked directly at me. It’s eyes were glassy and reflective, its body metallic silver. It was HUGE, like the size of a small house cat! In awe I smiled in delight and thanked it for visiting me. It hovered in front of me for a while inviting me to follow it out the window. I remember staring at it a while, taking in my “gift” and then accepting its invitation. It flew out the tiny crack in the window and I followed, seeming to shrink in size as I flew through.

The first thing I noticed is that outside my window was a large blanket laying on top of the branches of a tree that was just below. In reality there is no tree. Then I saw another blanket further down. I remember saying, “Looks like my kids tried to escape by climbing out the window.” I paused and said with pride, “But I’m flying out!”

Then I encountered an ivy wall that seemed impenetrable. It had white flowers in it, just like the ivy in the bedroom. I remember thinking, “I could go through” but then deciding to go over it. I flew up and over and the wall vanished.

The street outside my house was lit up and the neighbor’s house had two helicopters hovering over the driveway and parked car. There were flashing red lights on the helicopters indicating police or emergency vehicles.

I hovered there a while thinking of what to do next. I had not planned on going OOB and really had no clue what I wanted to do. I figured I would explore and so headed toward the road. I flew down as if to land on my feet but stopped short and hovered there.

When I looked at my neighbor’s house again the helicopters resembled the dragonfly in size and I seemed to have shifted size as well, growing back to my full height. I realized I had shrunk to go through the window and so my perception shifted to that of my size and the helicopters looked large as life. Now, they seemed like mere toys!

Again I did not know what to do with myself and hesitated before lifting off to explore. Sadly, I shifted slowly back into my body.

I lingered for a while in the in-between and mulled over my experience. The song I heard originally shifted to, “I need somebody, somebody like you.” I remembered the previous song and so the lyrics kept going through my head in unison – “I need somebody…all I need is a miracle, all I need is you….”

Then I was standing next to my physical counterpart. The number 56 came to mind right before I saw him and I realized I was talking to his future self. We hugged and I asked him, “How are you doing?” He said, “Not good. I’m so lonely.” I told him, “You know I’m here. All you have to do is ask.” He nodded.

He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt with the hood up. I took down the hood and said, “You don’t need to hide from me.” I fully recognized the sweatshirt as him feeling he needed to protect himself and shield his vulnerability.

After this I had a very life-like experience of opening my front door after hearing knocking. On the other side was a large, white cat purring and rubbing up against the house. This sight of this woke me up fully and I could not go back to sleep.

Considerations

The first dream seems to be about my masculine and feminine sides represented by the cat (feminine) and boy as well as the husband and wife. The message is still prominent in my memory and seems to be an answer to my questions about the panic episodes I’ve been having. My best guess to it’s meaning is that the panic is a result of not accepting God’s (Source) grace and love into my heart. The wife’s reply about her life being a mess seemed to be my own consideration about my life coming through.

The OBE was a nice gift, especially after the tears from the dream before it. The dragonfly symbol/message was especially memorable. The dragonfly seems to go along with the music message – It’s where the water flows. It’s where the wind blows.

The OBE also seems to bring a message about perspective. We tend to blow things out of proportion when in reality they are not very big at all.

All in all I feel positive about both experiences. Plus, it is nice to have these after such a long break. Right now I have a similar feeling as to when I went to Tennessee in 2016. Not sure why, but I feel a heart expansion is taking place and hopefully it will be less traumatic than last time!

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Dream: Failed Test, Re-Test Required

Feeling much better this morning. My husband will be home this week, offering me a welcome reprieve from single-parenting. I believe much of my panic and anxiety stems from the added pressure/stress of having to do everything on my own while he is gone. Much of the time when panic arises I am thinking, “I am all alone….” and worrying about my children and who would take care of them if I were to be injured or killed. That’s only one concern, of course, but to rid myself of it would be nice.

My dreams seem to indicate my resistance is lessening as well.

Dream: Failed Test, Re-Test Required

The dream began in a high school cafeteria (spiritual nourishment). I was sitting alongside my classmates as someone passed back our practice exams (major life lesson). The person next to me got theirs. I was looking at theirs as I received mine. There were red marks all over it, which I knew wasn’t a good sign.

When I looked down at my exam I saw an entire sheet was filled out in red ink. My score was written at the top:

70%
-9.5pts for failure to fill out info sheet
Final grade: 62%

The sheet filled out with red was the info sheet (important information being relayed) filled in for me. I turned to the people around me and told them how unfair I thought it was. I slowly became more and more angry. It was completely ridiculous to me that I would pass only to fail for not filling out an info sheet I had never received. I told the people around me I was not going to re-take the test, that it was unfair and was just a practice test anyway.

Eventually I got up and talked to the lady “proctor”. She reminded me of someone who worked at my high school. I showed her my exam and asked her to explain. She told me that I should have filled out the info sheet, that everyone got one and the instructions were clear. She pointed to the instructions and my signature below saying I had read them. I yelled, “Yes, I see! I have signed this for every exam without reading it and had no issues. Why would I read it this time?”

She told me I would just have to re-take (re-do lesson) it. I told her I would not and began to accuse her of purposefully targeting me because I was smart. I showed her my last two test scores, both 90%. She shook her head and looked down as she repeated that I would have to re-test. Furious. I called her a f*** bi**ch well aware of everyone staring at me, and turned and walked away.

My anger woke me up. I was shocked at how angry I had gotten in the dream. After a few minutes I fell asleep and returned to the dream.

I was sitting next to a young man who I called Jose. He was waiting to get his test results and looked pensive. I told him my story, how unfair it was and to be ready for similar news.

Then a female classmate came and sat down. I knew the woman I had cussed out was her mother and I apologized to her for my behavior and told her my story, too. She seemed not bothered and we caught up for a bit.

Meanwhile, Jose got his test results – 73%. I congratulated him and he seemed relieved. He left and the woman and I left together.

We walked out to the parking lot (delay) talking and then she was ahead of me catching up with a long time friend and getting into a car (life path). I realized she forgot about me and I walked alone thinking of the past and how nice it was to have girl friends, even if superficial. There was a fence (barrier to progress) across the path and I went around it but soon realized I had parked in the other direction. I opted to walk the long way around to get to my car.

There is memory of walking through my old high school only it had been renovated. A woman and I talked about how they paid a $40k bonus for their new coach. I called it a waste of money. They had added a gym space in the front that could be washed with a hose after gym class. I walked through a class commenting on how I should have been a gym teacher because it was much more fun.

Then I am with my son walking along neighborhood streets and houses. A group was gathered around the new principal who was telling them something and mentioned directions being included on flyers. He had no example and I volunteered mine, showing him a part of a ripped sheet (I had ripped it in anger earlier). I remember thinking critical thoughts about him. At the end I thought he was “not so bad”.

We continued to walk and came upon a driveway (the body, or homebase). We had to maneuver around some fish tanks on the floor and my son knocked one over, spilling fish. We caught them and returned them to their tanks. The owner came out and helped us at the end. I remember commenting on one small fish and he told me they were put into tanks with other types of fish to encourage their bright colors.

Interpretation 

My sense about the dream is that it reflects a discussion about my present upsets. I am told that I failed an exam and have to re-test. It feels unfair because it is caused by missing information and my lack of attention to detail. There is also a lack of concern about my barely passing grade in the dream. I usually want to get at least an A. To be satisfied with a 70 is unusual. I feel unfairly targeted as well, as if someone is purposefully making me re-test. I realized now that it is me doing this because I expect much more from myself (an A instead of a C).

When I return to the dream I am apologetic and supportive of a classmate. I have no jealousy when he passes his exam. There is a literal walk down memory lane and I realize I miss having female friends and companionship. I also realize many of my past friends have long forgotten about me. I think I am missing aspects of myself and my past, longing for companionship even if it is not deep and meaningful.

The parking lot is delay and I walk the long way around to get to my car. The gym represents me facing myself and reviewing past actions. The fish are insights from my subconscious mind. The one fish in particular is small and brightly colored and the man indicates variety made him that way. I believe this is a message that a variety of life experience lends toward a more “colorful” result (more lessons and learning).

I seem to be slowly recovering from my anger throughout the dream until I feel lighter and more sane overall. Thus, when I woke I felt very different than I did after the first angry section of the dream.

Considerations

Since waking I have been feeling more open to other options and seeing blessings in my life where once I only saw problems and difficulty. There are resources I have at my disposal that I can use to further my progress.

The phrase, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” comes to mind here.

So, if I have to remain in my current situation, then I might as well make the most of it. We have money enough to take more trips and my job offers me the freedom to work from home or anywhere actually. One of the things I should do is get more “therapy”; sessions like I have done in the past. These propelled me further than anything and could potentially help me with many of my present upsets and areas I am struggling to overcome on my own. Investing in myself in this way would be beneficial overall and keep me busy, freeing me from routine and boredom.

I wish my dreams told me specifically what areas I “failed” but sadly the only part I remember is that the subject was math. Math is symbolic of logic and this can be connected to the masculine energy, solving problems, taking action, making decisions, analyzing outcomes, being less emotional and more decisive overall. My failure was in accepting less from myself, so cutting corners to barely get by, while also ignoring directions. How furious were you when your teacher handed back a paper indicating you failed just because you forgot to put your name on it? Ha! M guides are saying very clearly, “Pay attention. Listen. Follow directions.”

Interestingly, a little after I woke, part of a song was going through my head. Just this part – “It’s where the water flows. It’s where the wind blows.” How very odd.

 

 

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Intense Vibrations and Dream: Job Offer in Georgia

Rough morning. My middle child had a fever last night and woke up not feeling well (headache, body aches). I took his temperature but he had just drank some water so it was at 98.9° meaning it’s probably much higher but the water lowered it temporarily. So, he is staying home from school today. My oldest was in tears this morning when I woke her, refusing to get out of bed and begging to sleep longer. She later told me she couldn’t sleep. When I asked when she fell asleep she said she was looking at her watch all night long so didn’t know. 😦 She wasn’t complaining of feeling sick, so I sent her to school but told her if she stared feeling unwell to go to the nurse.

I really am not a morning person so all this activity at 6:30am makes me a grumpy person!

Yesterday, I was completely bored which led to me feeling tired. I did go grocery shopping and took the kids to Pets Mart to check out the animals they had up for adoption, but I felt uneasy the whole time. The grocery store was really unpleasant because of the anxiety that was threatening to turn into a panic attack. Ugh!

I took a bath with Epsom salts when I got home but after, when putting on body lotion afterward, my left hand cramped up from the thumb to the middle and I couldn’t use it. If I did try to move it it hurt terribly. After a bit it went away. However, I have been noticing for quite a while that my left hand feels different than my right. The tendons feel tight in comparison.

So, of course, I panicked a bit about my hand thinking it meant I was getting MS or something. lol I had a flash of a vision a while back (2 years ago maybe) where I lost grip in my hands. Memory of this vision returned and so I assumed the worse. It is likely nothing, though.

By bedtime I was feeling a bit down again. I can’t seem to shake the feeling of impending doom I’ve been having, it’s like I am going to die and am just waiting for the moment to get here.

Weird Energy

After falling asleep I woke suddenly from a vivid dream in which I was reciting a code used to teleport to another place. I could feel the energy of teleportation and everything. It was a very strange feeling! The dream was likely the result of watching Stargate SG1 before bed. lol But it was so vivid that I got up to write it down and then decided it was not worth it so went back to bed. It was only 10:20pm when I woke.

Not long after drifting back to sleep I was awakened suddenly but by very strong vibrations. They hit me on either side of my lower back near the kidney area. The vibrations were very focused and curved through my lower back as if hooking into my ovaries. The result was an almost violent jolt of energy that surged through my second chakra. Within seconds of becoming aware of the vibrations my vision was taken over, again almost violently, by hynagogia. It was like my eyelids were peeled back but they, of course, were closed. I could do nothing but allow and saw millions of tiny bubbles in dark tones undulating rhythmically with the vibrations.

Not long after, everything settled and the vibrations calmed and then stopped. If I had allowed it I could have gone OOB but I was way too aware for that. The whole experience left me wondering.

Dream: Job Offer in Georgia

The rest of the night was occupied by a lengthy dream where I was offered a job in Georgia. I was asked to use my degree in education to work with children. The work was similar to what I have done in the past and one of my ex-bosses offered it to me out of the blue.

I remember being in my old bedroom at my mom’s house when she offered me the job. She advised me to get my resume ready and to prepare to relocate. I got out of bed and began to dress, taking off my shirt and putting on a white bra. There was a man in the bed and so I turned my back on him but felt fine dressing in front of him. My ex-boss advised me not to do that and put a blanket up between me and the man. I laughed it off because it seemed unnecessary. I told her that in co-ed military quarters it was normal. I had an entire visual in my mind of it, too, like it was a past experience of mine. Also, the movie Starship Troopers came to mind. LOL

Though I don’t recall who the man was, I do remember he had dark hair and seemed to be a co-worker.

My ex-boss and I then traveled to where my new job would be – Georgia. She and I discussed the route first and I saw a map in my mind. There were two routes mapped out. The routes were along the interstates. One I took when I went to Tennessee – the northerly route – and the other was southerly along the coast. I saw a calculation of the miles and remember telling her, “Wouldn’t the southern route be faster?” The southern route mileage was less considering the location was in central Georgia. But we were going to “fly” there.

For a split second I remembered I knew someone who lived in Georgia and not very far at all from where I was going.

At the location I was introduced to a very stern lady who seemed like a head mistress. We were in a very large mansion-like place. She told me there were rules there but I can’t remember them now, I just recall a classroom like environment and certain tasks I was suppose to know how to do. Everyone else did them but I had neglected to in the past. I was reminded of how I often shirk my duties in jobs until I am forced to do them by a supervisor. There were male co-workers present but I only remember seeing them doing teacher “stuff”.

I went into the kitchen to make myself a bite to eat and my ex-boss was there but she looked like my MIL. I asked if I could make myself some food and she said I could. I also asked where everyone else was, it was oddly empty. I was told I was at a temporary location until the main building was finished. The one I was in was 30 stories and so I was shocked they were building a bigger one.

Then I was reporting to a large, circular classroom. There were seats in a semicircle like in a lecture hall. I remember seeing stairs leading down toward it with women of all shapes and sizes. I looked for one of the women who had come with me. She had strawberry blonde hair but I didn’t recognize her. The gathering felt very important but I don’t know why.

Later, I went outside to investigate the new building we were to eventually work in. I recall walking along a long, cement path/road. I looked up at the trees as I walked and felt a bit in awe of everything. Here I was in Georgia starting a new life, a new job. It all felt surreal. The trees seemed to blur in my vision, like I was flying and I felt really positive. I looked ahead and began to run toward a construction site. It felt really, really good to run with the wind in my hair. It was humid, but I didn’t care.

When I arrived at the site I saw piles of sandy dirt and men in gear. As I ran I noticed water on the cement and slipped and fell on my bottom. One of the men started laughing and I laughed, too. I got up and began to run and purposefully slide on the water as if it was a slip-in-slide. Another woman, one of my co-workers, came out and played with me. She looked a lot like me but was more cautious. The last thing I recall is sliding on my stomach.

_74219715_change

Message

When I woke I was thinking it odd that I was dreaming about getting a job in GA. Then I swear I both heard and read a message but I cut off the message, saying, “I don’t want to talk to you.” I think I was being asked what was wrong.

The dream was just too odd to ignore. At one point a guide said to me, “You can’t avoid it. Things are about to change.” I remember answering, “I know.”

Interpretation

Rather than go through all the dream symbolism, I will just say what the dream feels to be symbolic of as a whole. It feels like I am about to be offered a chance to take a job, job here being a purpose or mission perhaps. The fact that the job seems to be as a teacher/counselor might indicate that I am meant to help someone(s). A bra is support, so I will have support. The blanket is protection, so I will have protection. I am warned to not be so open, so maybe I need to be cautious when around the male gender? The visual of the map is likely to show me where this mission is focused. Georgia could be symbolic or maybe an actual location. It is hard to tell here, but I know Georgia was very much the focus of the entire dream.

The construction site also seems significant to me. It means something is being built, in this case a large school or similar (lesson). The piles of sandy dirt feel to be for the foundation. So perhaps I will be building foundations? My running and playing gives me a good feeling; hopeful and playful.

Overall the dream leaves me with a good feeling, but also curious.

 

 

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Kundalini Dream Visitor

Yesterday I had a nice little win in regards to my panic episodes. While driving to and from work I successfully staved off rising panic by firmly thinking to it, “NO!”. It worked!

Years ago after my first spiritual awakening my Companion, Steven, gave me advice on how to stop negative thoughts. He said, “Tell them to stop.” I didn’t believe him but sure enough, when I told them to stop they would. I only remembered his advice after I had successfully stopped the panic inducing thoughts, though.

With that I also recalled a meditation episode early on, before the “first” meditation (obvious not first but oh well) that opened me up to my gifts. I was living in Montana, it was around 1999 and I had been struggling with depression and negative thoughts. I meditated to find a suspected “gin” (negative entities that attach to us). To my surprise I saw him as a shadowy figure in the peripheral of my mental vision and I “fought” him off. This memory caused me to consider that maybe I still have some negative energies working to keep me down. I have no doubt that something is influencing me but I can’t say it is an “entity” for sure because I think everything has a purpose and often these “entities” are just our Egos and fractured aspects of self.

So, a successful commute yesterday means I may be on the way to conquering my panic/anxiety.

Kundalini Dream Visitor 

Prior to bed I caught myself thinking something that seemed to be a response to someone. I mentally said, “He wants to visit me.” Intercepting the thought brought on awareness of the meaning behind it. “He” was not clear but the “visit” would be in dreamtime. It felt like I was being asked if I would be okay with a visit. I said it was okay.

Still, though, I had not expected to actually have a dream visitor.

Most of the dream is hazy now. What I do recall is being in what felt to be my mom’s house. The entire dream scene is dark in my memory, like the lights were turned down. It was hard to make out furniture and the faces of the people I was interacting with. There was a man with me, though, who felt familiar. He and I seemed to be having a “date”. I can’t remember how he looked except that he had dark hair and was taller than me. He also felt quite a bit older than me but not old enough to be my father.

Our conversation is lost to me now as is most of the sequence of events in the dream. I remember handling food, like preparing our meal. I was focused on the salad (expression of feelings and acceptance of positive in life). I stood over a kitchen sink when the man gave me something, part of the meal I think, and I put it on a tray over one side of the sink.

The man’s energy is more memorable to me than anything. When he was near me it felt like he was seducing me, or better yet, as if we were dancing. I was extremely drawn to him and drunk on bliss. The memory of the energy is as if it was pulsating, like we would get close and then separate and the energy kept pulling us back together.

I recall seeing the man’s plate of greens, uneaten, and thinking that he forgot to eat them. Then my attention was drawn to a woman laying in the middle of the floor, blankets (protection) over her as if she was trying to sleep. I thought of her as my “mom” (aspect of self, mother aspect). She was not supportive of me having a relationship with this man and as a result there was some attempt on our part to sneak around.

At the end of the dream there was a part that is a bit confusing. It was as if I switched bodies and became my mom. I watched as me and the man embraced. I yelled out and fought off a person who was trying to hold me back from pushing a large button. I managed to hit the button, though.

Then the man was standing in front of me telling me that he felt we should slow down and take our time. We had planned to be intimate (or that is what it felt like) but he decided to end our “date” instead. He promised another date in the future and kept repeating that we should “take things slow”.

The energy of our connection was intense and obvious by this point. The bliss was intoxicating and I struggled to understand why the man would withdraw when it was so obvious that we were good together.

I woke up soon after and the energy had mostly subsided, only some residual energy remained in my second and third chakras. The memory of the bliss I had been feeling was enough, though, that I did not want to be awake.

A song was going through my head, one I heard yesterday on the way to work. The part that was going through my head, “Some things we can never choose, even if we try….”

Messages

I lingered in bed going in and out of the in-between after I woke and trying to remember as much of the dream encounter as I could. As a result I had some messages come through about taking things slow because of the work that still needed to be done on my energy body. I also both saw and heard the date – March 17th. It was written as 3/17 and flashed in my mind.

There was a message that came both audibly and written out on a black background in my mind. There were two lines that appeared simultaneously. The bottom line, written in blue, read, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The top line, written in red, was longer but I only remember the last line because the voice was saying it as I received the written message. It said, “I will wait.”

There was a sense along with the words/message that the man had not intended to upset me and was truly apologetic about it. It also felt as if he is waiting in the background, like lingering in my energy field just outside of my conscious awareness.

I have a sense of who this man is but since it was not obvious I will just wait and see what happens next. Dream encounters like this are common for me, so the true significance behind them is often not understood until much later and sometimes not at all.

The bliss is memorable, though, and I can’t help but miss it when it is gone.

by

Kundalini Anxiety

So much for sleep…..lol

Let me take a couple steps back and explain.

Yesterday was a good day. I was feeling more stable emotionally – less depressed, less apathetic, more hopeful. As a result my day went smoothly. Mid-afternoon I was researching Kundalini support in my area (there’s none btw) and stumbled upon a Kundalini yoga free introductory course online. I figured I might as well do it and so read through the first few lessons and tried some of the meditations and mantras that were suggested. I figured, why not? Here is the website in case you are curious and/or interested in a free course.

I didn’t decide to full-on start a Kundalini Yoga practice because I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea considering my Kundalini is already pretty active. So I just played a bit with it and enjoyed the information presented. Mostly, in my boredom, I was looking for something to occupy myself with in order to make the evenings pass quicker. When trying out a few of the meditations and mantras I felt my third-eye activate, which in itself is a good indicator.

Prior to sleep I practiced what I could recall from the first few chapters I had read online. I realize now that I probably should have reviewed the material before doing so because I did an energizing breath meditation that was not necessarily ideal for preparing to sleep! lol I didn’t do a complete round, though, just spoke the words and breathed as instructed for a short period of time.

As I settled down to sleep a male energy became apparent and the conversation between us brought about some mild energy sensations. My heart chakra lit up as did my crown and third-eye. I don’t recall the conversation much now except for a few odd bits of information. For example, I remember “fire” and “change” and the mentioning of progress being made.

Eventually my heart started to beat quicker in anticipation of the perceived Kundalini energy. It’s like I was on high alert and so my body responded in kind. I experienced a kind of crazy anxious energy in my heart chakra. It was bothersome and made it impossible for me to fall asleep. I have only felt a similar energy once before and that was after I met my physical counterpart (some call it twin flame) in person back in 2016. The energy is uncomfortable and the only way I was able to manage it in the past was to lay on my stomach. So, I lay on my stomach but found little relief. The male energy instructed me to, “allow” and “go with” the energy and it would reveal what it wanted me to know.

After over an hour of this kind of energy I told the male energy, “I need to sleep”. It was getting close to midnight and I was extremely tired. I rolled onto my left side and attempted to sleep. As soon as I began to relax I realized I was conversing with the male energy again. I saw him and felt him put his hand on my back, right between my shoulder blades. The heart energy was warm and spread out as he held his hand there. Then I felt a small bubble of energy move up my body from my feet to my tailbone and then up my spine. It paused at the space between my second and third chakra. I remember the male energy saying, “There, you see?” I recognized the blockage and sensed that this male energy wanted to help me work through it.

Throughout the interaction with this male energy a song was playing in the back of my mind: Beautiful Day by U2. I kept hearing, “It’s a beautiful day. Don’t let it get away….”

From this point on it gets weird and thankfully my memory is hazy. I seemed to be perceiving all kinds of thoughts and visuals from other people all at the same time. I saw and felt things that made no sense and they were piled one on top of the other in layers. My best guess is that these layers of experience/memory were what complied the blockage, but I am not completely sure because I had to disconnect from it in order to get into a place where I could sleep.

Both my ears started ringing pretty loudly during this time also.

There was a point where my left hand began to tingle as if going numb. My fingers specifically were tingling as if needles were being poked into them and electric zaps were sparking with each prick. And it was not getting better with movement even after several minutes. I was reminded of the other night when I kept waking up worrying about my heart, feeling it would stop in my sleep. I thought, “Am I having a heart attack? Is numbness and tingling in the left hand a sign of heart attack?” After what seemed like forever the tingling subsided.

Somehow I did fall asleep, which is quite amazing considering the onslaught of imagery and the crazy heart energy that made me feel so damn anxious!

Vision

When I woke this morning I was not happy to be waking up because I got so little sleep and what sleep I did get did not cause me to feel rested. The intensity of the energy was what was so difficult and I realized if I were to ever be in close quarters with someone I had an energetic connection with that I would likely not get any sleep and would go crazy from exhaustion.

I recall a flash of a vision upon waking that has me wondering. It was a piece of paper that looked like a death certificate. I recall seeing “Birth” with a date I cannot recall. Then I saw “Death” and next to it was written a year: “2048”. Below that was more information but I have since forgotten it. I wonder now if the information was about me? Am I set to die in 2048? If so, that is in line with what I have perceived before, that I will die in my 60’s. The thing that bothers me is that it is only 20 years away. That seems like a long time but I know that it is not.

The song on my mind when I received this vision was, Ironic.

My interpretation of this song message is that it is likely that by the time I die I will finally want to live.

That would be very ironic.