Category Archives: Messages

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Dream Message: Let Go of Time and Possibility

OMG I’m so tired! Finally got sleep last night but it has been a long time coming. 4 straight days of hardly any sleep adds up. I forgot to mention that I’ve also had a headache on and off, mostly at night, all four days and the last two days I’ve had a horrible crick in my neck that makes it hurt to look anywhere but “straight ahead”. Yeah, I didn’t miss the message in that last part. Look straight ahead. No looking back or to the side. Ha!

Our puppy Monty is a handful and does not want to sleep at night. Instead he sleep during the day and whines most of the night. When he plays he is adorable, attacking with a full-on pounce like a cat and then growling and barking at his prey, a tiny stuffed bear. He is learning his name and coming more when called already and started to recognize that grass = potty, not the floor.

Last night I woke suddenly at 11pm from a very deep sleep and flew out of bed to go down and check on Monty. Turns out he had an accident in his kennel/crate and so it was good I woke up like I did. Mommy instincts must be on for him because then I couldn’t sleep because I was worried about him. lol I had to remind myself I needed the sleep and staying up worrying over a whining puppy would do neither of us any good. It was the “cry it out” method for puppy and sleep for me!

My husband was up around 4am yelling at my daughter to go tend to Monty so I know his whining woke him up. I was grateful that I wasn’t asked to do it and fell back to sleep.

sleepy

Monty – all tuckered out.

Dream: Let Go of Time and Possibility

I’ve not been remembering my dreams of late but this one is very memorable. The first thing I recall is being taken to a neighborhood (aspects of subconscious) that was newly constructed. The houses were on rolling hills and we were heading to a house on the hilltop. I remember commenting on the locating saying I would not want a house on the hill (struggles to get to goal) but I knew why someone would: the view.

Inside the house I realized I was with my mom and family. A realtor (new sense of self) had brought us to a house to sell us on his proposal. I sat on the sofa very tired and overheard what was proposed. He wanted my mom to sell her land to him so his company could build a neighborhood like the one we were in. In exchange he would pay off all her debt but 10%. Her mortgage would be gone and she would be set for the rest of her life. The houses he would build would be spaced far apart and not be many, just enough to make a small neighborhood. I remember telling my mom I had many dreams about just such a future for the family land and suggested a location.

I became very tired (resisting awareness) and took a nap on the sofa. When I woke up I was disoriented and irritated that they woke me up. I recall seeing the owner of the house leave and wondering why he didn’t care that I was making a mess of his living room. I had pillows and blankets (comfort) all bundled around me.

The realtor was very insistent that I participate in the negotiations for this “deal”. Sleepy-eyed I followed everyone into the kitchen and sat down at a bench-like table. There was a contract to be signed and the only person left to sign was me. I recall hearing more details but not caring or being excited about any of it. I asked, “When will construction begin?” He said, “Oh we won’t be breaking ground until 2036.” I remember thinking that was a long time. He then gave me some advice, “I suggest you let go of time and possibility.”

This message woke me up somewhat in the dream and I repeated it to myself as I walked out of the house to look at the neighborhood. I saw a garbage truck (get rid of old habits) in the distance and followed the sidewalk as I repeated it over and over. I was carrying a handful of chicken strips (cowardliness) in my hand and lost a few, bent down and picked them up and then saw a couple more ahead of me on the path. I heard again, “Let go of Time and Possibility.”

I woke up groggy hearing a song verse in my head, “And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time….” The verse repeated over and over along with the message and the date, 2036.

Conversation with Husband

The dream reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband last night. We were talking about human conditioning and it’s affects on life and individual happiness. Specifically we were in agreement that we have been brainwashed into believing that the ultimate goal in life is to experience as much pleasure as possible, specifically pleasure in sex. In our own ways we have both gotten to the point that we are rejecting much of our attitudes and beliefs about sex. I am in a place where I am trying to fill in the gaps left by rejecting these ideas, searching for meaning and trying to make sense of what life has to offer once these ideas are removed. My husband seems to have already found his own answer though I am unclear of what it is still.

I was philosophizing for much of the conversation discussing my observations in this lifetime. We discussed what it is to “live” and I offered two options – the “safe” route and the “go for it”, Seize the Day options. The former tends toward a gentle, consistent curve if one were to view as a chart or graph. The latter is a spike that drops down quickly. Both have the same end one is just more extreme than the other. I asked my husband which life he prefers: the intense and exciting one or the “boring”, safe and consistent one?

He said he prefers the intense one and that he believes everyone prefers it. I disagreed. He went on to discuss how life in the present has removed much of what creates the excitement of the intense one. We live longer, we are more “secure”, we no longer have to fight for our existence like in the past. I told him that time and time again I opt for the safe path but that I suspect the reason for that is that I have already lived many of the more extreme lives and am now taking a break. I asked him if he could see how we might choose to experience both types of lives and how both offered their own unique lessons? He said he could see that. I said it is likely that part of the lesson is in being willing to experience either type of lifetime without desiring what we don’t have – to be happy with what we have when we have it.

Nonetheless, we both have this inborn, human drive toward seeking pleasure. It is always there and is the origin of human suffering. The key is to not be the effect of it.

By the end of our conversation I had the answer to questions I have been asking myself for a while now. I have been unable to understand why my soul put me through everything it did in 2015-2016. Why would I be exposed to the feelings I had, feelings I did not even know existed prior to that time? Why would I feel the entire time that giving into them was “bad” and that I should avoid them at all costs? Where did the seemingly irrational fear come from?

It all goes back to something I asked a while ago when I was asked by my guidance that infamous question: What do you want? I said I wanted a connection with my husband. I wanted our relationship to be what it should be. In my mind I was unsure of what this even meant by my heart knew. I recognized that what I had asked for was much bigger than I could have imagined. So big that it required me to rectify the split between my spiritual and physical selves. I told my husband about this split and how I felt that when I was whole (meaning my spiritual and physical selves are in balance) much of our (me and his) issues would be resolved.

During my conversation with my husband I could see how my request was also shaping his life and that his lesson was similar to my own. He was learning it in his own way, separate from me and that is how it should be. His challenges are not the same as my own. Yet there we were, together, connecting and recognizing our lesson is one in the same.

We discussed many other things and had an enjoyable evening of sharing and communicating. Communication is what our relationship has always been built upon and when we are in good communication it is obvious to us both why we are together in this life. I was able to see more clearly the path I chose to take with him and why. It is the “longer” more “secure” path – yes – but one of the advantages of this path is the extended lessons it brings. Lessons one will not have the opportunity to learn via the shorter, more exciting paths.

The message from my dream is asking me to put aside my considerations of time and possibility.  My interpretation is that this means I need to stop hoping for the possible outcomes that come with the passage of time. Let go of Time – stop thinking “what if” or “when ____ happens then _____ happens.” Let go of Possibility – stop the wishful thinking; the could’ve, should’ve thinking. Part of me feels that letting go of these things means letting go of my hope. It doesn’t.

In considering the Time portion of the message I came across a message from Eron given to me a while back. Time is nothing but a preoccupation of thought. So, let go of Time, let go of preoccupation of thought. Interesting!

I am reminded of a dream fragment from a couple of nights ago. I was talking to a person who had lost their left arm and possibly their legs, too. Their message to me was, “You never know when your time here will end. So live life like there’s no tomorrow.”

The combination of the two messages is one I’ve heard many times before: Live in the Now. Be present in the Now. What’s even funnier here is that my husband and I had a conversation about that very subject the day after the dream with the one armed person. Ha!

 

 

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Lucid Dream within a Dream

I made sure not to ask for any clarification last night prior to sleep. lol Yet I still had an eventful night full of interesting conversations and symbolism.

Dream: New Shrink

Most of this dream was spent next to a shirtless, dark-haired and very handsome man. What more could a girl ask for? lol We were talking for most of the dream about a change that was needed with my “sessions”. Specifically, the word “shrink” was used which I find funny but I think it may have been meant to be funny because I was in a playful mood like I tend to be when I’m OOB. The best way to describe the way I am is mischievous and super loving and expressive. There is a kindness that pervades my personality as well, like I am unable to hurt anyone purposefully. I guess also “innocent” would be a good descriptor, too, as well as “wide open” and “happily vulnerable”. This personality is becoming more and more common in dreamtime and when I experience it I accept myself wholeheartedly without concern or worry that I may be taken advantage of.

Anyway, the conversation centered around me needing a new “shrink” (therapist = guide, counselor, adviser) and a replacement of the old one for reasons that now make no sense. All I recall of the reason now is that some level has been reached. I have brief flashes of a visual of the exchange but it is hard to recall. Ultimately, though, the new shrink was this man I was with who was explaining it all. Most of my memory here is of his bare chest which was quite muscular. I felt a magnetic attraction to him which was surprised me and I mentioned it to him the minute I felt it. I also embraced him and attempted to kiss him. He pulled away, reminding me he was “gay” lol and I was immediately apologetic saying, “I didn’t think a gay guy could be so attractive to me!” and then giggled. lol I don’t know if he was actually gay or if he was trying to remind me that his purpose was not to indulge me. Probably the latter.

I do recall that I asked if Chris would be leaving. I heard he would not and that this new shrink/guide served a different purpose. My guess is he is to help clear blockages. The bare chested man could have been Chris now that I think of it because when I saw him last he looked the similar, was bare chested (naked) and the magnetic attraction and friendship felt between us was the same.

Dream: Biting Fly

In this dream I was with my husband in a bedroom. I remember the room was unfamiliar, maybe a hotel room because the bed was white and the walls plain. There was also a large mirror (truth) over the bed (intimate/private area of life). It was dark in the room and I was preparing for bed. He left and returned and with him came this tiny fly (emotional or physical dirtiness, guilt, breakdown of plan)  that had a yellow and black pattern like a hornet. It kept buzzing around my face and interrupting me to the point that I can’t recall now what I was saying or planning to do. My husband told me to ignore it, that it wouldn’t bite me, but I was not so sure.

Eventually I left the room and went on an errand. I was driving through dark streets and came to an intersection (choices). There was a police officer directing traffic (must adhere to certain rules). I turned left and went onto a college (lessons) campus deciding to head back home because I was keenly aware that I had left my ID (personal identity) behind and was worried the officer knew.

Somehow I ended up with some college girls and then becoming the observer of an entire other dream. It is mostly lost to me now, jumbled up and hard to decipher. What I do recall is that I was observing something to do with me. The story line was that I had been sexually molested as a child but lost all memory of it because I was so young when it happened. There is briefly return to the discussion of “therapy” here.

The next thing I remember is talking to the dark-haired guide again and making a bowl of chicken noodle soup (cowardliness). Then I was looking for a pie (reward for my hard work) as I walked between a washer/dryer (need to resolve issues of past before new start) and being told I could not have any. lol

Lucid Dream within a Dream

Then I was laying down to go to sleep, got settled in and sat up and steped out of my sleeping body. I felt to be in the hotel-like bedroom and knew I was dreaming. I could not see so I turned on my astral vision by blinking and intending to see. My vision cleared immediately and appeared to be wiped clear by invisible windshield wipers.

It was dark in the room I was in but I could see a light in the distance. My first thought was to look for a message. I’m not sure why I thought I was going to receive a message but I went straight toward the bedroom where my husband was sleeping because it appeared white to me and in my mind I saw many white dry-erase boards. To me this meant a message would be there and I wanted to know what it said.

When I got inside the bedroom I saw the scene just as I had left it in the other dream. Full memory of the other dream came to me and I had no interest in pursuing the message. I received from my guidance a message of, “Go ahead already.” lol So I continued the dream. The biting fly was gone and I could see the sleeping body of a man, my husband, in the bed.

I went up to him and crawled under the covers with him putting my hands on him to try and arouse him. My intention was obviously sexual and he did not resist. What is odd here is that when I looked at his face it appeared to be covered in a bluish, see-through, gel mask and the face underneath shifted constantly making it hard to make out the features underneath. My recognition of him was as my ex-husband and also my current husband, like they were two people in one.

I’ll save you the details and just say that I had my way with him and then woke up from a shot of Kundalini energy. Surprised by the way I acted in my dreams I pushed it out of my mind and tried to return to sleep. In hindsight, I suspect my actions were the message. It reveals something about me; what I am seeking. Sex = power, fulfillment, need for love and passion in life.

Instead I entered the in-between where I continued to feel energy in various parts of my body. The sensation lulled me deeper and made it hard to stay conscious of what was going on. I believe this was intentional and that whatever work was being done needed to go unhindered.

What I recall of this time is discussion with my guide and knowing that a timeline had been shifted and there had been delays to the original plan.

Trooper

Considerations

When I woke up I was thinking of my past and how things have played out in this lifetime. There was with this a consideration of how the only thing that really matters in life is the people and relationships you hold dear.

Yesterday afternoon I had a moment of calm and clarity that came out of the blue. I felt very satisfied with my life and happy. So happy that I wanted to reach out to a friend via phone or email and just jabber away and play catch-up. The feeling I had was like I had an outstanding life win and needed to share it, but then I didn’t really have anything in particular to share. lol

Prior to this moment of clarity I had a thought and asked myself, “Looking back on your life, when were you most happy?” What came to mind was when I lived in the country and my dog Trooper was still alive. He was my running partner and I cherished our frequent runs together. He had so much energy and joy. He could run as far as I liked, often 4-6 miles at a time. If I was ever in a bad mood he would cheer me up. He could sense when I was sad and would come and snuggle. And whenever I came home he was always so overjoyed to see me.

With these memories came a question, “If you only had a little time left on Earth, what would you change about your life?” Of course, in thinking of my beloved friend/pet I knew that I would want another dog. Another friend to accompany me on runs and to bring joy to my life and my children’s lives. My daughter has been begging me for a dog almost daily and in that moment I knew I was ready to get another dog.

Afterward I decided I would look online for an Aussie puppy, maybe even the miniature version (they are up to 35lbs when normal Aussies are 55-60 lbs and sometimes more). If I don’t have much time left in this life I would like to experience the love of a pet again even if I have to watch them grow old and die. My children’s lives and my own will be fuller for it.

After this decision was when I realized all the things I withhold from myself. Times when I want to spontaneously pick up the phone and call someone who is special to me. I always stop myself and did so this time, too. Why? Because of fear. Fear they won’t want to talk to me, fear I will want too much to talk to them, fear the expectation will ruin it, fear that I will find out something I don’t want to know….just fear. Yet it is all the times I don’t call, that I don’t reach out, that in the end will be my biggest regrets. Even knowing this, I chose not to act. It didn’t feel right. I’m not sure it ever will feel right again but I was happy nonetheless because I knew I had the ability to choose at any moment to reach out and reconnect. And in knowing that I felt powerful because of my choice and the potential of it.

And I held onto that feeling, the calm and happiness it brought me, held it close to my heart.

 

 

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Dream: Job Termination

Prior to bed I asked for clarification on the dream I mentioned in my last post, the one where I was in the check-out line and received the message, “Removal Order.” I asked my guidance to give me more clarity on it because it has been bothering me. A straight-forward explanation would be ideal. I felt immediate confirmation via an all-over-body surge of warm energy that spread around me like a hug. Honestly, though, I did not expect much from my request and these days that is the norm. Once I send out the request I usually forget about it right away, especially if it is prior to sleep because for some reason I fall asleep immediately after. lol The only reason I even remember I made the request this morning is that a dream triggered my memory.

Dream: Job Termination 

I was in dark, factory-like setting that was hard to make out. The colors are what stands out – various shades of gray brick and black shadows. There is a feeling of being on the balcony of a large building, though, similar to a warehouse, looking out over a city. I was with another person whose appearance and gender I cannot recall. I don’t remember when I was told but I received notice of my termination of employment as a teacher. My feeling was of shock at first especially as I heard that I would receive payment for a time after my job ended, the amount was $11/hour I believe.

The part that is most memorable is my question. I was asking about the other employees, would they also be receiving notice soon? I was told that they would but it would not be in advance like mine. They would be told of their termination on their last day and be asked to leave. Some may get a few days advanced notice but most would not. In my mind I saw these employees. They looked like security officers. I got upset and became concerned with their well-being, questioning why they would be treated so. I remember a male voice telling me, “Be grateful you are getting advanced notice.”

I recall standing there for a while letting the information sink in. It felt a bit overwhelming for some reason and I began to become lucid as I realized what was being discussed. I began to sob and woke up.

When I awoke my first thought was memory of my request prior to bed. The emotion I felt stemmed from a feeling of uncertainty and endings. Was this my answer? Was I being told that I would be leaving my “current position”? If so, then what does that even mean? I don’t even have a job right now other than stay-at-home-mom. Does it mean I lose that job? Or is it something more….like am I being removed from the position I have in this lifetime? And severance pay? Huh? Pay = reward for hard work and this pay is $11. There’s that number again.

Trying not to think about it too much, I drifted back to sleep.

Dream: Haunting Myself

I was lying in bed and woke suddenly. To my left I saw a swivel chair. The chair began to spin very fast. It got faster and faster to the point that it looked like a blur. In seeing the chair spinning I became terrified and started screaming, “No! No!” To my right I sensed the energy of several people but I could not see them. They began to close in around me and my panic increased. I heard someone say, “You are doing this. It is all you.” The voice did not make me feel any better but a part of me knew that there was nothing to fear. I ignored that part, though, choosing instead to resist.

It felt like the people around me were coming to take me away. There was no negative energy coming from them or the spinning chair but I felt wild with panic for some reason. I began to speak in another language trying to ward them off. It was like an incantation or something that was said to keep out negative entities. It didn’t work, though. The chair kept spinning wildly and the invisible presences came closer and closer. I was surrounded and my last memory is of the energies looking blurry white and me freaking out to the point that I woke up, heart racing and scared to move.

Even after I awoke I felt still to be in the dream. The room was spinning a bit and my heart was racing still. I laid there frozen for a while waiting for my heart to slow down and for my fear to abate. I remember perceiving my physical bedroom as the one in the dream and so it took a while to get my bearings and see it accurately. I wondered briefly why I would have such a nightmare. I don’t have nightmares, or at least haven’t in a very long time. As I type this I suspect I was trying to wake up in my dream and since I didn’t listen and chose to be afraid I muddled the attempt.

Other Dreams

The rest of the early morning (I first woke at 4am) is a mixture of dreams and in-between moments as I tossed and turned trying to recover lost sleep.

In one dream I recall being a man and fiddling with my penis (lol) which felt very real and so was fascinating to me being I am a woman in this lifetime. Funny thing is, I have had other similar dreams in the past and always love the experience. I suspect it represents my masculine side in some way. Dream symbolism suggests it means power and sexual energy.

In another dream I saw a large egg that had hatched. Next to it was a full-grown dragon (strong-will and fiery personality) but I only saw it’s head. It was dead, though. The dragon head was dark gray with bright yellow-orange highlights and was very beautiful. I felt sadness over it’s demise.

Then there are shadows of memories of talking to someone about making plans. I remember thinking that all the plans that were in the works would not matter. It felt like I needed to prepare for a trip, to tie up loose ends. There is also vague memory of switching places with someone but it is very hard to remember and the more I try, the more the memory recedes into my subconscious.

There was an entire vision-dream of my husband telling me about some property. It felt like my mom’s but I am unsure. The feeling was that he had gone his own way and was asking my permission to continue with his plans for the property. As he told me these things it felt like a wall of invisible energy was constructed between us. He was on one side and unreachable. He was standing in my mom’s living room and behind him I could see scenes flashing, like from a movie reel. There was a feeling of time passing, moving forward very fast. The feeling I had when receiving this information was grief and not having control over what was going on because I would not be present on his side of the invisible wall between us.

Finally, as I woke, a piece of the dream about losing my job came suddenly to my memory. There was a calendar and on it two days were circled. The first was a bright red 2 and the second date was a bright red 8. The 2 looked to be toward the end of the week, like a Friday. The 8 looked to be earlier in the week like a Wednesday. I knew this was the “termination period”. Turns out November 2nd is a Thursday and November 8th is a Wednesday, just like what I saw on the calendar in my dream.

Considerations

I feel normal this morning except for feeling a bit tired still. My immediate feeling is that the dreams and visions I had were to prepare me for something to come. Perhaps there is something going on between November 2-8th that is significant for me (maybe others as well)? One of the things that crossed my mind during one of my brief waking moments between dreams/visions was that I was about to “die”. Again, this is likely just the death of some aspect but who knows. I am ready for this “death” regardless of the kind that it turns out to be, so I am not at all concerned about it.

The fear dream is a total surprise to me. I have no idea why I had that dream nor do I know why I was so afraid. Perhaps the people coming to “get me” reminded me of some past life and so I acted on the memory? It did feel like I was about to be “taken” and from a place where I felt safe (my bedroom). Symbolically this could indicate that something is about to happen in my life that takes me from my comfort zone against my will, but who knows.

Regardless, I am thinking it may be best to stop asking for clarification. lol

P.S. You may be wondering why I am posting more. I created a poll on my FB page asking people to tell me their blog preference – WP or Blogger. WP won so I am trying to slowly transition back to WP.

 

 

 

 

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More Sadness and Messages: Progress and Removal Order

Since my post on my last Kundalini experience I have been emotional again. It’s not all the time and mostly I have no clue from where the emotion originates. There was a bout of emotion prior to the Kundalini dream but it was nothing compared to the emotion since. I assume this crying is the result of clearing blockages, maybe in my “forest green” heart chakra, but I am long past caring now.

As has been the usual, the emotion usually hits me when I am alone. Sometimes there are thoughts that precede it but lately there has been nothing to indicate the source. In fact, one time, after a nice cry, when I attempted to figure out the “why” I actually gave up almost immediately. My thoughts were, “Maybe there is no ‘why’? Maybe it just ‘is’ and none of it is mine. None of it.”

I use to think that in acknowledging the pain/emotion that it would lead to a full release of it. This has proved inaccurate in every way and has only complicated the process by tangling up my Ego in it. This isn’t Ego. That isn’t the source and it is obvious. This isn’t from something that has been done to me or that I have done to another. This isn’t a result. It is a process, a clearing, a moving along the correct path of the energy of Me. My trying to identify with the emotion that is coming up is not going to help nor speed up this process. The emotion is a side-effect and that is all. It is the direct result of imbalance in this system, this physical and energetic body being out of alignment and working hard to get back in balance.

Lately I have been having what I can only call “memories” that liken this experience to a class assignment that I am not enjoying completing for various reasons. It comes with a feeling of “I’m almost done” and an encouragement from within that says, “Don’t give up now. You’re almost there.” The sensation with these “memories” is of being in an alternate reality, like the assignment consists of stepping into this reality for a moment, learning and the stepping back to reassess. It is so real that it often makes this entire physical reality feel like a dream and the other one feel like the real deal. You can imagine how discombobulated it makes me feel. Thankfully I am usually at home and relaxed and so do not end up freaking out from it. It just IS and I accept it.

It is no coincidence that these reality checks came about while I was watching various television series that seemed aligned with my experience in some way. For example, I watched all of Westworld followed by a movie called Otherlife. I watched Awake (really good btw) in amidst the above two and most recently a movie called Never Let Me Go. I am now into season 2 of Stranger Things. All of these movies/series I highly recommend. Can’t wait for the next season of The OA to come out! Just so happens The OA and Awake feature the same actor. 🙂

I was brought to tears in all but the last one for different reasons but usually the emotion was not at all linked to what I was watching. If you have seen any of the above movies/series then you may see a pattern. They all have to do with living in or being aware of two realities at the same time and the struggles therein. This theme parallels one of my own life themes: how to function within one reality while simultaneously being aware of and drawn to another reality others do not acknowledge or believe exists.

I have come to identify the source of my emotional upheaval as homesickness/heartsickness that comes with Memory of this other reality. This is the only thing that feels right. I miss that other reality and the fullness of Self that exists only there (or seems to anyway).

Another interesting realization I had recently is that during the periods when I am having these bouts of emotion my mundane life seems to explode in activity. This busyness is a great distraction and seems to shift me into my “other” self so well that I feel almost normal and the memory of home so far distant that it seems like the dream. I go for what seems like months of normality only to be thrust against my will back into memory. It really is only a week or two, sometimes days that pass before this happens yet it feels like months. Timeline blips? Who knows.

houseDreams

Then there are the dreams. So weird. Last night I had quite a few indicating just how homesick I am.

In one dream I was with an older man who reminded me of my friend David. He and I were discussing something and then standing outside a very old looking mansion reminiscent of an old castle or manor. There was a large sign atop it that said, “PROGRESS” and then below the sign it said, “Home for Women and Mothers.” When I saw it I wrote it down and repeated it word-for-word several times. Then I woke up almost immediately the words still going through my head while seeing the number “9” and knew it was a message that progress is being made.

In yet another dream I was standing in a check-out line at a grocery store. People kept cutting in front of me because they had special reason. For example, one man cut in front of me because he had a receipt in his hand. He told me, “If you place your order ahead of time you get to go first in line.” I was not pleased and felt very impatient. Then the entire store went dark and the check-out ladies told us it was a mandatory 30 second break. The conveyor belts stopped and all movement ceased. I stood there even more impatiently and complained that I would never get out of there. The dream ended with the lights coming on but no one moving or making progress.

When I woke up I shifted into the in-between. I saw the conveyor belt full of groceries. Someone came and cleared it off and placed a piece of paper in front of me. It said, “Removal Order.” I knew it was a message that my removal order had been placed. This woke me up.

In another dream I was inside a bathroom printing off a worksheet. I recall printing two and then on the third try the worksheet printed wrong. It printed on the back of the two other worksheets a large symbol that was very beautiful. I remember then standing in the bathroom and staring at the wall. I visualized my other half coming toward me and kissing me on the cheek. I became very homesick and sad.

Similarly, in yet another dream I was in a living room feeling exhausted and unmotivated. I laid down on a sofa and completely surrendered myself to a man who was with me. He sat down next to me and caressed my hair. I felt such love and friendship from him but instead of it making me happy it made me cry.

When I woke for the final time this morning my eyes were wet from crying. I told my guide that it wasn’t fair and asked why I would be allowed to Remember so much, to Remember what I left behind to be here? All that has resulted is this sadness that never goes away and now I can never go back to how it was before. The Memory is my curse. I am tired of pretending, tired of play acting, tired of this assignment.

 

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Lascivious Kundalini

Prior to sleep last night I relaxed into a light meditation and had energy moving up and down my spine and through my body. This energy was brought on simply by my intention to feel it – to remember it. I wanted to see if I could “call it” and it worked. When the energy arrived so did the obvious presence of my current main guide who calls himself Chris. It felt like he was giving me a huge bliss hug. I told him, “I want the truth about myself and what is going on – all of it, even if it is something I don’t want to know.”

Dream: Hotel Guest

I recall being in another country. It felt like Europe and the time frame seemed to be Victorian or maybe later because of the type of clothing I observed around me. I was outside walking on cobblestone streets. In front of me was a large, stone building with stairs leading up to an entrance. The gray stone is still very vivid in my memory as is the heavy, wooden and ornately carved door I walked through.

I was with others in a group and we were staying in the building – a grand hotel (shift in personal identity, transition from old to new) – for the night. We were given rooms and keys and sent on our way. I remember my room number was 186 . I went looking for my room alongside a man with dark hair and a mustache. There was also another young woman with us. I could not find my room at first but finally located it. I remember wondering why the three of us were separated from the others in the group. I found out everyone had been separated into groups of 3 around the hotel. None of the groups were close to the others.

I wandered toward an open area noticing trays of food – candies (indulgences and forbidden pleasure). The candy was made to look like real fruit and placed on realistic leaves and trees. I selected some and ate it. A young girl with long, brown hair was there and spoke with me briefly. She was the one who told me about the groups being split up. This is also when I noticed we were both wearing corsets and elaborate gowns. Mine was yellow with white lace.

I stayed with the young girl for a while and we talked. She was telling me how she would never grow up and how she was stuck living life after life only as a child. Her age was approximately 12-13, maybe a bit older. I reassured her, seeming to know all about her plight. We sat together, me on the edge of a bed and her on a cushioned seat. I recall telling her how to stop the cycle she was in. My advice was for her to accept her life as it was, to accept that she would remain a child rather than resist it. If she did this, then the cycle would be broken and she would finally be able to exit into adulthood. Everything seemed crystal clear to me as I said this to her. I could see how many lives she had lived never growing into adulthood – hundreds of them.

While I was talking to the young girl I had some interruptions that were quite disturbing, though my reaction was to laugh. The first time it happened I was in the midst of telling the girl something and suddenly felt a large, cylindrical object inserted into my mouth and down my throat. In my mind I saw the bare chest of a man and then a very, very fat penis. I actually laughed when I saw the visual and knew who the man was. I said to him (after removing the object from my mouth), “Stop it. Not now.”

The girl I was talking to gave me a look like, “WTF?” LOL But I ignored the man and her look and kept talking.

Not long after I felt the object down my throat again and with it came a very strong feeling of sexual interest. Briefly, I felt pulled into the feeling. It was super intoxicating but I again rejected it. I pushed the man away and said to him, “I’m trying to tell her something!” Though it would seem I was irritated, I was actually smiling when I said it. It felt like a game between lovers, like he was trying to get my attention. And though what he was suggesting would be fun, I had “serious” things to say! lol

I remember the girl telling me how she felt stuck and then me telling her how to end the cycle. Accept it (her life) as is. Right after I said this I again felt something inserted into my throat but at the same time felt the feeling in my lower chakras that I had in the previous Kundalini dream. It was like my entire lower body became my root chakra and at the same time my upper chakras were melting down toward the lower chakras. Imagine yourself melting into your own center and you might get an idea of the sensation of it. I felt the two distinct energies converging in the space between my solar plexus and my heart chakra.

There was a surge of ecstasy that accompanied this. I felt like I was in the middle of an erotica film! All I wanted to do was surrender to this very “dirty” sexual game my partner was playing with me.

I woke up from the surge of ecstasy and it did not continue upon waking. My guide was nearby as I adjusted to wakefulness, energy still covering my body. The region between my solar plexus and heart was especially active and continued to feel pleasant for a while after I woke.

Discussion 

It was 4:30am when I looked at the clock. I told Chris, “What was that all about?” He said, “You wanted to know the truth.” I thought about it for a while and realized I had been talking to the girl, who was also me, and giving her the same advice I had been given previously – Accept it as it is. Apparently I am stuck in a cycle. This cycle keeps me from “growing into an adult”. The cycle involves rejection or non-acceptance of myself as a “child”. The advice is to accept myself as this “child” and only then will I grow into an adult.

Recognizing that, I questioned the strange method he used to get my attention in the dream. What was that all about?

He seemed amused. I received one word, “Lascivious.” HA! Yes indeed!! He said to me, “I will visit again soon.” Of course, I played along and encourage him feeling quite lascivious myself after the experience. lol

He said, “Sleep.” I said to him, “I’m still tired. I want to go back to sleep but you ruined it! How can I sleep after that!?” Yet not long after I did indeed fall asleep.

Dream: Pregnancy Advice

This time I was in a locker room (a new dream theme indicating need for time to recuperate/calm down) with a black woman who had just given birth. I noticed she was very tired and seemed sullen. I went up to her and hugged her, asking her if she was okay. We sat down on a bench and talked for a while. I told her she looked sad and advised her to give herself some time to adjust. “You just had a baby! Give yourself some time.” I said. I looked into her sad, brown eyes and felt so much love and compassion for her situation.

She stood up and stared blankly across the room. She said, “I know I just had a baby. It’s been 7 months but my body is still recovering.” I could feel her emptiness and apathy and sense that she wanted to do so much more but just couldn’t yet. I said, “This isn’t the end of your life, it’s the beginning.” In that instant I remembered how I felt after the birth of my first child. I felt like life as I knew it was over and knew I would never be able to live life for myself again. The recognition of my fate hit me hard and put me into a 9-month deep depression.

I took her hand and said, “You are sad.” She looked up at me, clarity in her eyes, and said, “Yes, but so are you.” This caught me off guard and the reality of the dream hit me full-on. Everything I said to the woman applied to me. Everything. I collapsed to the floor in heaving sobs and woke up feeling decimated.

zebra.jpgVision: Zebra Without Stripes

Wide awake again I recovered from my tears and let the messages sink in. 7 months echoed in my mind and I wondered about the symbolism. Did I give birth to a new version of myself but just not had time to fully recover from it? Am I grieving for what I lost like I did after the birth of my first child? Is this the beginning rather than the end like it seems?

I fell into the in-between while contemplating all of the above. I saw a herd of zebra (individualization, taking the middle ground, wild and free spirit). One was plucked up and out of the herd, it’s black stripes falling off and leaving it completely white. I knew the zebra lost its stripes and that it represented me.

By this time it was 6am and I was definitely not going to return to sleep. I still had lingering energy in my solar plexus and third-eye. My thoughts went to everything going on in my life and to the dreams and messages I just received. That’s when Chris said to me, “Doors will open now.” I felt in my heart that this was true. All I have to do is knock and they will open.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Gnomes, Hurricanes and Dreamwork

Things are finally settling down here after several days of crazy up’s and down’s. My joke has been that our family garden gnome has been wreaking havoc on our household. 🙂 Anytime strange, unexpected or unexplained things occur the gnome is who I blame. I tell my kids he sneaks out of his potted plant and wreaks havoc on our household while we sleep. They enjoy the laugh, as do I, and it helps relieve tension and make light of things. He’s like our Elf on the Shelf only he can come out anytime, any day, not just at Christmas.

So what has our little gnome been up to lately? First, my husband left for Clearwater on the 6th despite knowing Hurricane Irma was heading straight for Florida. I tried to get him to cancel his flight but he insisted saying it was unlikely he would be affected. Since he has left he has since realized he will likely be in it’s path. The last information he gave me was that his hotel was sandbagging and taping windows in preparation. He is in a voluntary evacuation zone and his hotel is one of the designated shelters. He will be staying to ride out the storm. If they insist he evacuate he will likely head north to Georgia and stay with his aunt and uncle.

Then, the morning of the 8th, sleep still in my eyes, I was pouring milk into my middle son’s cereal and clumps rather than milk came out. Ick! Spoiled. Okay. So out came the other gallon of milk. Lumps. Ugh! Neither was set to expire until the 18th of September so I knew something was up. My husband had mentioned he thought the fridge felt warmer a few days before and I hadn’t noticed. So I went to check and sure enough it felt very warm. Crap!

The milk went down the sink, the kids went without cereal and I put ice cubes in the fridge since the freezer was still good and cold. I spent the rest of the morning looking for a repairman. Thankfully I found one but not after several early morning phone calls.

The whole day I felt off, as if the other shoe would drop any minute. When the repairman arrived he located the problem right away and went to defrosting the freezer. As he was leaving we were talking, me relieved the issue was resolved. I said, “Well it could have been worse. Our a/c could’ve gone out.”

Later I went upstairs and found the a/c thermostat was offline. It was an error message I hadn’t seen. When I saw it and it was unresponsive my heart sank and the words I had just said echoed in my head. I had to call the thermostat company and go through all kinds of steps to see if I could resolve the issue, even calling my BIL in to help. By this time it was near 9pm and I was exhausted. I ended up bursting into tears because the day had just worn me out. The a/c issue was not resolved, it was not the thermostat but we were too tired to try and figure it out. Thankfully the cool front meant the a/c was not needed while we slept. My guidance was saying to me, “Don’t worry” sending me calming waves of energy that I listened to. I could feel the issue would resolve but despite this I could not help but be overwhelmed from everything that had happened that day.

When I woke the next morning the thermostat was miraculously on but set to “heat”. I adjusted it and it showed no issue – like nothing had ever happened. I was suspicious. The night before I had called the company that installed the a/c and made an appointment. I decided to keep it. When the repairman arrived he said the drain had clogged, switching the unit off. Turns out a clogged bathroom sink was the culprit! Stupid gnome! lol 😉

Now maybe all of the above is just normal and I shouldn’t have gotten upset, and honestly I normally wouldn’t, but for some reason that day did me in. I kept thinking about my husband being gone and so maybe on a subconscious level concern for his well-being was seeping in. There were, however, other issues bubbling up in dreamtime around the same time that likely were affecting me, too.

Dream: Dissed

I was standing in a crowded room wearing a white, no-frills wedding dress. I do not recall seeing or even looking at the groom but he was there. In front of me was our minister who was a female and very nice. There were many unknown people – friends – in attendance, but it was a small crowd. The time for the ceremony was quickly approaching but my mom was still not there, neither was the rest of my family. The minister urged me to continue anyway. It was 1pm and that was when the ceremony was suppose to start. Yet I was against it, wanting to wait. She told me the storm likely caused traffic jams and that they may not get through for hours. I asked if they could wait. She said she could.

I borrowed a cell phone and called my mom’s number. My older sister picked up. I could hear sounds of water and splashing in the background and knew they had opted to stay and swim rather than attend. I pushed it out of my mind hoping there was another explanation. I seemed to wait forever for my mom to get on the line. The longer she made me wait, the more sure I was that she was purposefully not coming to the wedding. I recall seeing an old family friend of my mom’s enter the church at the time and found it odd that she would be there but not my own mother.

When my mom finally did get on the line she was not very communicative. I asked her if she was coming saying, “We’ve been waiting for you!” She said she wasn’t coming. She didn’t say much else, communicating most without words that she was not in agreement with my marriage. I suddenly knew all that had transpired and why she was being so awful. She had allowed my sister and her family to live with them for many years. As a result I had not visited as often and so my mom had some resentment for that. At some point I had divorced my husband and met another man and my mom was not in agreement with how I handled the situation. I had been in love with another man while married and though I handled it appropriately and did not wander from my marriage, she didn’t like the new man nor did she like that I left my family/husband. So she was purposefully boycotting my wedding.

Sadness swept over me when I realized she was not coming and doing it on purpose. I felt cut off and abandoned. At the same time I had a “let her go” feeling that was stronger than my wanting to attack or defend myself and/or my actions to her, become bitter/vengeful or try to get her to understand. I hung up the phone and let the situation go but the feeling of sadness didn’t go away.

I woke up, eyes still closed, surprised and not knowing where I was or who I was for a moment. I searched in my mind for a focal point that made sense, a memory of date/time/location. What I recall of this time is seeing flashes of yellow tinged “memories”, like I was traveling along a memory path. I found a memory linked to this life and when I opened my eyes I wondered what I had just seen. It felt like a premonition.

Dream: Disturbing Facial

In this dream I had gone to get a facial. The women giving it to me seemed nice and I was making conversation. She had a peculiar look about her and I was curious. She was giving me a facial of some sort and I remember after it was over asking her about herself and her being quite closed mouthed. She made it seem like she was not allowed. She looked like she may have been a transgendered person because though she appeared feminine she had short hair and some masculine qualities. She had gotten her breasts done and was showing them to me through her clothing. This caused me to be more curious but she would not let me get too close and always backed away from me.

I left and when I returned at another time I found some suspicious activity going on in the same place. There were men with tattoos who seemed menacing and they were asking me if I wanted some of their “services”. The feeling was it involved drugs and sex but there was no evidence.

When I returned again there was a man passed out on the floor who had been given a drug of some sort. I watched them do the same with another man, tempting him with some large, green drink that caused him to immediately pass out after he drank it. The man had hundreds of dollars in his pockets but they didn’t steal it. Instead they stood staring at him and laughing.

That was when they took me and had me lay down on a table. They showed me some “ingredients” to make feces – a white, crumbly clay was one of them and some dark soil as well. They took the mixture and shoved it down my throat asking me how it felt/tasted. I immediately got up and retched, coughing it out and then asking for water to wash out my mouth. I had to swish water around in my mouth several times but could not get rid of the grit left from the mixture. The men were laughing at me.

I left in a hurry and brought back someone to show them what was going on. When we got there they had cleaned out the room and it was empty and spotless.

I ended up at my mom’s making myself lunch and getting ready to head to school. My sister, cousin and mom were present and I knew things were much different than how they are in this reality. My cousin was building a house on my grandparent’s land but had run out of money. My mom was to live with her. My grandfather was still alive and had been grumpy about helping build the house. My mom was not happy and very miserly. She was single and old and my sister was not like she is in this life but seemed independent and helpful. I recall making my lunch for school and then trying to leave but my car was blocked by tons of other cars.

 

Florida Prepares For Major Hit By Hurricane Irma

CARIBBEAN SEA – SEPTEMBER 8: In this NASA/NOAA handout image, NOAA’s GOES satellite shows Hurricane Irma (C) in the Caribbean Sea, Tropical Storm Jose (R) in the Atlantic Ocean and Tropical Storm Katia in the Gulf of Mexico taken at 15:45 UTC on September 08, 2017. Hurricane Irma barreled through the Turks and Caicos Islands as a category 4 storm en route to a destructive encounter with Florida this weekend. (Photo by NASA/NOAA GOES Project via Getty Images)

Considerations

When I awoke I felt like these dreams were either me visiting alternate timelines or the byproduct of some lesson/discussion going on in dreamtime. I felt like the first dream was a premonition. It felt very much like premonitions, do. The quality of them is different from regular dreams but it is hard to describe. It is like a “pay attention” feeling.

The other dream seems to be me confronting a part of me that is distasteful to me. It goes along with the ghetto dream I had not long ago where I visited a part of myself I felt was “unclean”. There is an inspection needed of the parts of myself that are lustful and sexual. That part of me tends toward addiction and seeks out pleasure over pain. Lately I have had images of sexual scenes in my mind that come out of the blue. They are quite orgy-like and likely from another lifetime, though I am not certain. I have a curiosity about them but do not linger on them. However, I am having a lot of root chakra Kundalini activity that makes me especially sexually aroused for no reason. I suspect the dreams, visions and sexual urges go hand-in-hand. Yet I cannot help but wonder if I have gone “sexually insane” or maybe I have entered into that talked about “sexual peak” that women in their 40s experience? There is from this unintended burst of sexual tension both an interest and repulsion in reaction to these sexual urges.

With all of the above going on in dreamtime it is likely it is bubbling up into my consciousness during my waking hours and influencing me more than I know. The hurricane and it’s path toward my husband does not feel to be an issue and overall I feel calm about his situation and know he will arrive home safely, though maybe a bit delayed. Last night as I was considering the three hurricanes now in the Gulf, the massive 8.0 earthquake that hit Mexico and all the fires in the Northwest, I can’t help but feel like my early premonitions of Earth changes are slowly coming to pass. My guidance has long urged me to “stay put” in Central Texas because it will be “safe”. I have seen the coastlines of the U.S. in visions and was told it was not advised that I live near any of them. On one coast the threat of earthquakes is high, on the other ocean surges will engulf the low lying areas time and time again. To think of it all made me shudder. No wonder I have been so uppity the last few days.

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Lucid Dream and OBE: Over and Over Again

After a two month WP break this morning’s activity prompted me to shift back here. Why? Well, you’ll see, but mainly because while I was in the midst of the lucid dream below I remember saying, “I need to remember this, to write this down and share it”.

If you’ve been following me on Blogger then you know what’s been going on these past couple of months. If you haven’t been, sorry, I’m not going to do a recap except to say spiritual experiences have been low, dream recall almost nonexistent, and focus has been on physicality and living life.

Up until two nights ago things have been quiet in dreamland. Woke up a lot last night. Assuming it has to do with the full moon.

Lucid Dream: Message

I was in school but can’t recall now the specifics of the situation. The next thing I know I am in a room that has no form or features and is dark except where I am. It is almost like I have a dim spotlight on me. I feel a distinctly familiar feeling and think, “I am about to meet someone.” The feeling brings on full lucidity. I think to myself, “Capricorn” and quickly conclude he must be a Capricorn. I’m not sure why I think this but I have no doubt of what I Know.

The feeling intensifies. It is the feeling of connection to another and it is strong, but not so strong it scares me. I can only describe it as an all-over body vibration where mine and the other person’s vibration aligns. The feeling is like my body is a living symphony where all the individual instrument parts are being played perfectly. My soul was literally singing.

A man appears from the shadows. When I see him I know he’s the one I’ve been feeling. He says to me, “I have a message for you.” Inside I begin to freak out a bit, anticipating the message and wishing he had not said that word “message” because it makes me anticipate what is coming next. I expected to wake up because I could feel my anticipation rising and my nervousness taking over. Yet I didn’t. Instead, he approached me and placed his hand on my left shoulder. It was so solid and real it surprised me. I looked up at him and could see him clearly. He was no one I recognized. In fact, he was quite plain in terms of human appearance with small red bumps (pimples?) covering his face, but the feeling I got from him was gentle and loving. He had medium brown hair and light eyes. In recalling him now he could have passed for my father in his younger years, though I did not see my father in him during the experience.

I wait for his message and he draws closer to me. He gently pulls me toward him and we hug. I feel every bit of it as real as in the physical yet this doesn’t wake me up. The hug is so wonderful, too, reminding me of how hugs felt when I was a child after being lost for a while.

When we are done hugging I keep looking up at him, focusing on his face trying to memorize every detail. He says to me, “You are better than this. You don’t need him.” I feel instantly humbled by his statement. It was like I had expected him to say it and I knew exactly what he was talking about. I replied, “You’re talking about (insert person’s name) right?” He says, “Yes.” I hang my head and say, “I know but it is so hard. I don’t want to be here. I can’t do this anymore.” He says, “Why don’t you leave then?” I say to him, “I don’t think I could do that.” He says, “Why couldn’t you?”

I have to interrupt the dream here to say our conversation is not what it seems. Don’t draw any conclusions here thinking we are talking about my husband because we aren’t. During the conversation I did mention a name but when I awoke I understood it to mean I don’t need anyone – male, female, or otherwise. When he says “Why don’t you leave?” I interpret it to mean “leave this life”, not a person, place or situation. In hindsight I believe the conversation has multiple meanings referring to multiple situations in my life.

There is a discussion then about my time on Earth and the choices I have made and the choices I have yet to make. Most of the specifics are lost to me now but I recall seeing a block resembling the days on a calendar but I think the blocks represent something larger, maybe years or lifetimes but I’m not sure. I recall knowing I could finish early, two blocks early, and that it would be okay if I did. The feeling I remember having the most was complete exhaustion and wanting to exit this life as soon as possible. There were so many words exchanged here but all that is left of mine is a feeling of being unable to progress past a certain point. If I had to put it into words it would be that I just can’t push past my feelings of responsibility towards those I love or past the feeling that whatever I do, I lose. I remember the man being very sympathetic and there being the message from him that I knew this might happen when I planned this life. We don’t always have the strength in life that we think we will have while we are in Spirit. The feeling of disappointment in myself was very strong. No matter how hard I try to do what I came here to do, I seem unable. It’s as if that part of me is broken.

The next thing I remember was him asking me, “How do you want to go?” I contemplated this aloud saying, “I don’t care” because I just wanted it over with, then changed my mind because I saw several scenarios flash through my mind – car accident, freak accident, suicide.  I saw my family’s reaction to these and it wasn’t good. I told him, “I prefer to go in my sleep. An aneurysm maybe…something that won’t hurt and won’t traumatize my family.”

Then I heard noises-off. It sounded like my daughter calling my name. By this time I was laying down with the man, curled up inside his embrace and very comfortable there with him. Safe. I knew hearing her meant he was about to go. I told him, “I don’t want you to go yet.” But I called back to her and felt his embrace around me lighten until it was gone. Yet I could still hear him. I asked him, “What is your name?” He said, “I have many names, as do you.” I understood this meant so much more than my human mind can comprehend yet in that moment I had no confusion whatsoever.

I lost some lucidity then and had a dream-within-a-dream. I saw a blonde woman resembling me. She laid down behind the back wheels of an SUV placing her head right behind a tire. The car backed up and crushed her head. The people inside the car panicked and got out. I was watching from a distance and saw the woman rise up out of her body and watch.

Then I was talking to the woman. We were face to face and I felt overwhelming love for her. I put my hands on her face and looked at her, smiling. I don’t remember everything we said but I do recall saying to her, “I love you” and my heart overflowing with love for her. We embraced and then I woke up feeling myself settle back into my sleeping body.

Even after I awoke I could still sense the energy of the man from my dream. He was still around me so I asked him again, “What is your name?” I felt a reply and slowly it formed in my mind – Sebastian. The sense at this time was that I was surrounded by love and it’s form is incomprehensible to my human mind. What I see in my dreams and in visions is nothing compared to the true forms of these Beings. I heard, “We are Many” and took a deep breath. Elohim. I knew They would come back. But I was/am so tired, so completely spent energetically, spiritually, physically, emotionally, that the thought of being “crazy” caused absolutely no reaction in me.

I couldn’t sleep afterward, tossing and turning because I was trying to remember as many details of the experience as I could. There were moments when I would drift and get visions, flashes of names or scenarios. I saw the name, “David” written clearly and remembered an entire dream from many nights before. Then I heard Ezekiel, Gabriel, and other Biblical names. I began to hear an old hymnal – Ten Thousand Angels – “He could have called, ten thousand angels, but he died alone for you and me….” I knew I was being told I had angels watching over me.

OBE: Over and Over Again

I almost got out of bed at 5:30am because I was so wide awake but instead I closed my eyes to meditate.

The next thing I recall was being inside a school sitting at a desk. I knew I had missed many classes. There were several “bad” students present. One male student was sent to get my mail and deliver it to me. Yet he didn’t give it to me but kept it and went through it. I went up to him and said, “You know it’s a federal offense to take someone’s mail.” Eventually I got my mail back and pulled out a large, wooden “S”, from inside an envelope. I knew it represented my last name.

My teacher told me that I needed to update my computer. I had a laptop in front of me and told her I had already updated it from home. I went to a seat and sat down for a while after that. The seat reminded me of a seat in a movie theater. As I sat there I entered into a meditative trance-type state. I can’t remember what I was thinking until the vibrations began to wake me from my meditative state. They were super intense, wrapping around me lovingly centered around my heart. I wanted to sink into them and let them take me away, into oblivion, when I thought suddenly, “I’m having a stroke.” Then I realized the energy and vibrations I was feeling were indicative of being OOB. I sat up and out of my dream body and faced myself, touching my own shoulder. I don’t remember looking at my face just being aware of being outside of the body I had just been in.

I immediately felt freer and happier. Looking to explore, I wandered out of the large, movie-theater-type place and into another room. Inside I found a large group of people standing together in formation seeming to be rehearsing something. They were all wearing what appeared to be costumes of other-worldly creatures. Some looked to be from the Renaissance while others looked like fairies or creatures only found in fairy realms. My attention went to a very tall, handsome man in front of me. I can’t remember his costume now but when I saw him I was intrigued. His eyes and mine locked and I smiled. I stood and watched them practice for a while, relaxed and enjoying myself. All of them were a good foot or more taller than me.

Then a young brown haired woman approached me. We knew each other. She began talking to the other me who apparently had followed me into the room. I interrupted their conversation and said to her, “It’s me. She (the other me) is me. You and I know each other, too.” The explanation continued but is lost to me now. Apparently I am able to split off from myself and interact independently of my other selves. This time I remember seeing the other me but now all I remember is a blur of her blue shirt and her shoulder length hair which seemed light brown/dark blonde.

I told the brown haired girl, “Come with me. I want to show you some things.” The girl followed. I was laughing by this time and jumped up into the air with her. I said, “We can fly, you know.” We lifted up and then drifted back down. Taking her hand I lifted her up with me and then we laid on our backs, floating. We glided for a while, facing the ceiling and then going through the windows out into the night. We could see the sky full of stars and I was laughing and singing by this time as was my friend.

We continued to float and then began to fly out and over the fields. I was singing about life and how we as eternal Beings live forever, experiencing lifetime after lifetime. The fields below me turned into giant life stories in the form of realistic books built into the scenery. The hills seemed to come alive with moving pictures of lives from different times and places. I sang, “We do it (life) over and over again….” As I sang I turned the pages of the Earth-book showing life after life after life. I did all of this full of a child-like joy.

It was around this time that I began to come back into my body. I felt the familiar energy of re-entry and my heart was beating rapidly.

A song was in my head when I woke up, “I’m still breathing. I’m still breathing. I’m alive.”

Putting it Together

The “Capricorn” reference was related to the month of December, not the man in the lucid dream. I don’t remember when I realized this but when I awoke I recalled seeing stars in the sky, as if being shown astrology and the time of the year when Capricorn rules. I also recall saying something in astrological terminology to the man. The term I used was “aspect” but I can’t make sense of what I said. All I recall is that I said some aspect would affect me and it is related to Capricorn. My feeling upon waking was that it would happen in December and I felt a bit sad because that time of the month has been bringing all kinds of crap into my life since 2015! I wish I could just skip the month this year rather than face whatever it is bringing me this time around.

I also want to reassure you all that though it appears I am planning my own demise, I do not feel upset, sad or otherwise concerning the conversation with the man in the lucid dream nor did I have any such feelings during the discussion regarding exiting this life. It was just a matter-of-fact conversation, like I got a sneak peek into what goes on in dreamtime – the planning and such.

There was also a message in the lucid dream I forgot to mention. I was told, “You are primed”. I have heard that before and so my reaction was not positive. I understand that it means I have been prepared/prepped for something – a task, situation, or experience.

Finally, there was a return of that familiar E.T. feeling that I have not had in a very long time. It is that multidimensional-connected-Source-Love-Oneness feeling. lol Hard to describe.

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Continued Anxiety and More Pushing from My Guides

Yesterday I had another exercise-induced panic attack at the gym. Thankfully, I was dropped off so did not have to worry about driving in such a state. However, I had to wait 15 minutes for my ride which was very difficult.

You may be wondering why I even bothered going to the gym. Well, I had a successful workout the last time so I figured I would be okay. This time I believe it was the confining space of the workout area combined with the intensity of the workout I chose. But I cannot gauge when and what will trigger these attacks and once one is triggered I have to just wait it out.

The positive side to the wait this time was that I was able to sit with the sensations that were causing the fear/panic reaction. The pounding heart was the strongest but there was also a feeling similar to the moments right before going OOB. I was interpreting the latter as dizziness and it created a panic response because I did not want to pass out at the gym. There was also a strong sensation in my chest, like a burning, that caused worry but it was only present when I was in full-on panic mode.

I was able to get comfortable with my pounding heart without a problem and when I did the panic feelings would abate. Sadly, my mind would start to worry about this or that or something would cause me to feel close to going OOB and the panic would come on full-force again. I went through several panic attacks in 15 minutes. It was on again, off again. Only when I was sitting in the passenger seat of the car did I finally calm down.

It was suggested by a FB friend that it could be a Pluto transit and maybe even Uranus causing me to ultra sensitive and open at this time. I told him I would not be surprised if that was the case. However, there is a serious upgrade underway right now and I suspect it is creating the perfect storm of emotional sensitivity in me.

Dream: Puppy Love

I’ve resorted to taking Benadryl at night again for a more restful sleep. It has helped but it doesn’t stop the dreams or guide communication. I am to the point now that I purposefully try and block dream recall. My guides have other ideas, though.

I had a very in-depth, near lucid dream last night where I was again working at a school as a counselor. My assignment this time was to pick up a student from class because his parents were coming to pick him up.

When I arrived at the location it was not a classroom but a large open space where children were all sitting on the floor. Each child was with a mother cat and kittens (transitional phase toward independence) and their job was to watch over them. I remember talking to the kids about their charges and smiling and feeling joy at the tiny kittens stumbling around. They had just opened their eyes and were cautiously exploring their surroundings. I advised the children to watch their kittens carefully because they had a tendency to wander off.

I had to go to the boy’s locker (hidden aspects of Self) to get his things. I was told his locker was #88 (material abundance) and it was located near the pre-school. I found the locker but it resembled a large mailbox (important info about to be received) like you would find at the post office. When I opened it I grabbed his stuff and a plastic bag with what looked like a change of clothes (identity) and lunchbox (preparing for important life event). Then I closed the locker and went to the nurse’s office to pick up the boy.

The nurse (need to take time to heal) handed the boy over to me right away. The boy was about 9 years old and happy to go with me. In fact, it did not take me long to realize the boy was enamored with me. He stayed really close to me and seemed under a spell.

We sat for a moment to wait for his parents. He sat really close to me and rested his head on my shoulder as we talked. I remained very professional the entire time, moving away from him out of fear that a coworker would mistake our closeness for something other than it was. Yet I could feel a strange energy between us. Or was it his energy? I couldn’t tell, but the feeling made me uncomfortable. It made my heart feel very warm and the warmth spread out from the center into my arms, stomach and head.

The thoughts going through my mind was what I recall here, not our conversation. I recognized the energy between us but could not understand why the boy would respond like he was, as if he had romantic inclinations. I was thinking, “Can a boy even have such feelings?” lol  I was also reminding myself that I was an adult and had a certain responsibility as a mentor to children. I could not let my discomfort with the energy hinder that.

Then the boy was handing me a picture. On it was a childish drawing of my face and to the lower left was a large heart. The message he sent was that he was in love with me. I retracted from this, once again wondering if a boy could even feel such things. Then I saw an entire love letter was written alongside the picture. I don’t recall what it said now other than it having tons of misspelled words. I though it sweet but worried the boy would get his heart crushed if I responded incorrectly to the situation.

Then I was meeting the boy’s parents. They were to catch a flight out of the school area and go back home to South Africa (getting down to one’s roots). I remember worrying his parents would be concerned about the attachment this boy had to me but they did not react at all to how he clung to me. I thought for sure they could feel the inappropriate feelings between us, but they obviously couldn’t.

We arrived at the airport but instead of a terminal it was a separate room encased in glass (protection). Inside the room were slides (instability in life or relationship) literally side-by-side. I could see individuals step onto a small, hoverboard-looking thing and then go down the slide really fast. Those that got enough momentum would disappear by the time they reached the bottom, transported instantly to their destination. I knew the boy would be going home to South Africa this way and though it was odd I thought it perfectly normal in the dream, like it was a new mode of transportation that was better than flying.

The boy, who now seemed to be the age of 15, stood with me outside the glass enclosure with his parents. As the time came for him to go he turned and said to me, “We were suppose to meet. I asked for you and you came. It is clear to me that you and I are meant to be a couple.” The energy of his words seemed to flow around my entire body and I could feel his certainty and his love for me. Of course, I was thoroughly confused by the whole thing. I could feel the love from him and the love I felt for him matched it. Yet I rejected the love because of how unacceptable it was. The age gap between us was enormous. He could be my very own child!

Conversation

I was awakened at this point, though by what I can’t recall. As I woke a guide was very close by asking me what I thought about the dream encounter and what I was feeling. My entire chest was warm and expansive and I was a bit confused by the whole dream experience. I don’t remember the conversation word-for-word but the understanding from it was that the dream was to show me what to expect in the future, specifically with the children I would work with. I did not want to consider such connections were awaiting me. How weird would that be? To be a counselor/mentor to students of such a young age and have to deal with not only my own strong feelings of love but also theirs! And to think they would interpret the love feeling as the boy in the dream did and I would have to remain “professional” and retain my mentor role despite it. I do not think I would have an issue with remaining professional but how awkward! Not to mention the internal conflict!

The conversation shifted from there to me resisting ever returning to work as a counselor. Not because of the dream but because it didn’t feel right. I was asked what feels right and my answer shifted the conversation to more uncomfortable issues, issues that I do not want to confront. This guide was super persistent about me doing what I knew I needed to do. He reminded me that my delaying things would not be helpful. He was so damn reasonable, too. Everything he said made sense and was the truth, truth I did not want to accept. I want to do nothing, to keep things as they are despite everything telling me to make changes. So much of the discussion was in why I was stalling. He reminded me that I have the strength, the know-how, the determination, the courage, yet I still do nothing. I understand all of it  – the why, the how, the path ahead – yet I don’t act. He encouraged me to just focus on the next step. Take the next step and then go from there was his advice. I get it, I do, but that step is scary to me despite its being so simple. I can see the other steps. I see too much and the challenges ahead are unwanted. Plus, the feeling that comes with the path is that everything I have worked to build in my life will be destroyed. His response was, “You created it, you can destroy it and then create something new.” I told him I prefer to stay safe, right where I am.

I told him I would rather be pushed than do anything on my own. The feeling from him was that I had already been pushed and done nothing. “How much more pushing do you need?” was his question. The visuals and memories of all the pushing I’ve had came all at once. It was obvious yet I was still trying to talk myself into believing otherwise.

Eventually I said to this guide, “I’ll do it.” This was more of an apathetic statement, not gung-ho at all. He said, “I know.”

Then a song came into my mind. I woke up yesterday with it, too. The specific part was, “If I could reach the stars, I’d give them all to you….” and “If I could turn back time.” I suspect the message is that time cannot be gotten back. The longer I wait, the more time I lose. And the first part is to remind me that I deserve so much more. Sigh. My guides love me. If only I loved me as much as they do.

 

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Born to Rise

Eventful night last night. Nothing really out of the normal for me, but interesting at least.

Before I go into detail I want to share this clip from Supernatural because this is the show I’ve been watching to keep sane over the past few weeks. I am especially attracted to the humor in the show. Here’s an example (sorry for the French subtitles):

Dean had just been told he is a vessel for Archangel Michael. Thus his comedic response – Angel condom! HA! Love it! Dean is the reason I watch the show BTW. In the first episode I recognized him but wasn’t sure from where. Discovered he was on Days of Our Lives back when I use to watch it!

Okay, so back to last night’s events….

Kundalini

The first incident of the night was a mini-Kundalini rising. I slept through most of it so it was muted but not enough for me not to notice. I felt intense energy in my lower chakras – the typical Kundalini build-up with sexual undertones. When I woke up the energy was still present.

I was able to recall the dream scene preceding the Kundalini. I was laying on a flat surface with my arms and legs spread out in savasana. I felt the presence of others around me and there was a sense that I was being worked on. The Beings around me were removing a section of my energy field – like an entire layer. When they were done, the only part of this layer that remained was a small, rectangular section right over my solar plexus. The coloring of this section was green and the feeling of the removal of the energy layer was as if tight fitting clothing were being removed, like the removal of a wet suit.

Dream: Death of a Mother and Child

I was in a hospital (healing or giving up control) room asking about a mother who had been in labor a couple of days before. I was informed that both the mother and her newborn died not long after the birth (death of old paradigm). There were visuals of what happened in the explanation. I saw a young, blonde mother holding her newborn up to her bosom to nurse. The baby was crying and suckling but blood (loss of life force), not milk, was coming out of the woman’s breast. It was explained that the baby had a serious genetic illness that caused it to be in pain from even the most gentle of movements. I could see the entire spinal column (strength, could mean “spineless”) of the baby lit up in yellow and saw the pain that it suffered when it moved. When I asked what illness they died from I heard, “the Black Flu” but in my mind I thought, “Black Death” and associated it with that historical outbreak (healing aspect of self).

I was hit hard with an overwhelming grief. The emotion poured out of me so suddenly and with such force that it woke me up. My entire body was arched uncomfortably from the outflow when I woke up and the tears were so prevalent that it seemed I had been crying for some time. The thoughts going through my mind were on the untimely and unfair death of an innocent child and the grief of all mother’s who have suffered through the loss of a child. It is the most debilitating grief one can have.

Dream: Counselor Duties

I returned to sleep easily and entered into a dream where I was a school counselor at an elementary school. There was an awards ceremony (recognition of accomplishments) and I was to present awards to the dyslexic and autistic students from 4th grade.

There was a break and I went to find the restroom (purification). On the way I was fiddling with the cord of my white earbuds (intuition). It was in a knot (interruption in flow) and I was having to undo the knot. I noticed the wire was poking through at one point and worried it would cause it to short out.

When I went into the restroom I noticed I was on the second floor (increased understanding/higher level of awareness) of it. There were two stalls and then stairs that led to stalls on the lower level. There was no wall between the two levels so anyone could easily fall. I used the restroom and left noting how everything in the restroom was white.

Then I noticed a woman walking away from the group. On her back was a blood soaked sanitary pad (end of difficult times). I followed her wondering about it and finally told her about it. She said she knew it was there and reached over and pulled it off and tossed it in the trash.

The scene shifted and I was outside meeting up with a woman. She walked me toward a building and said we had to make a stop at the museum (non-traditional path/risk needed). She asked me to take off my shoes (need to be relaxed) and it seemed like the museum contained fragile, priceless things.

A_whirlpool

Dream: Whirlpool

Much of this dream is lost but the end is very vivid. I had been traveling with my husband in a car. We ended up in Waco and I became exasperated and said, “There is no way we are going to arrive on time now! We are at least 2 hours away!” He reassured me and entered the freeway (life direction/path). When he did, the entire freeway turned into a vast river (obstacles to overcome) that was so wide it resembled a lake. I saw indications that the water was moving rapidly (possible turmoil ahead) and said to my husband, “Be careful. I can tell the current is strong.” Then we were in a small boat (ability to express emotion) and being pulled into a whirlpool (emotional turmoil). The boat capsized (avoidance of the uncomfortable) and I fell out and could feel myself being pulled down into the dark water. The sensation of spinning woke me up.

Dream: Gray Kitten

I was inside a house and in front of me was a tiny, gray (detached/individualization) kitten (transition/feminine aspect/Kundalini) and his litter-mates. I was playing with the kitten and discussing how kittens typically behaved. It was pointed out to me that kittens scare easily. I remember watching the kittens pounce on one another and using my hand to purposefully scare them. At the end I said, “I hope they are all females because males spray when they grow up.” lol

Messages

Throughout the night during my brief wakings I received several messages:

I wondered about the Kundalini dream and heard, “Treatment.” I understood that some heavy-duty energy surgery was being performed on me.

I heard at least three times, “Your work is almost done.” I wondered after hearing this, “Then what?”

The final message I received was, “Born to rise.” I understood this to mean that my entire purpose in this lifetime is to ascend. Yay?

 

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Smile! You’re on Candid Camera

The title takes you back, doesn’t it? 🙂

Woke up around 2am this morning with instant Knowing and my guidance close. It was one of those, “Wake up! Remember!” episodes. It was all-at-once, full-on understanding combined with a feeling of, “Oh shit.” lol

As usual it is hard to put into words what I Knew so I will take you through what flashed through my mind at warp speed. The first was a memory of this dream I had in April. Of primary focus was the part about lowering one’s vibration in order to communicate and help someone:

I felt this kind of work was better done from my position in a human body. I asked why. I received back that the lower realms where spirit becomes trapped are very dense, denser even than the realms of the living. Access from the “higher” realms is almost impossible. Those trapped there cannot see those coming from such a high vibration. However, when visiting from the realms of the living, the light carried via the human vessel is able to penetrate the lower realms, though even it takes time to be seen. It was apparent to me that the only way the woman in spirit would have ever seen me was for me to “lower” myself to her level by taking on her pain as my own. I had to be one with her first. My understanding is that it is easier to do this when occupying a physical body. It has something to do with being better able to handle the density of the emotion carried by earthbounds.

I understood that the above applied to my mission here on Earth in that all my many lifetimes have been spent blending in, lowering my vibration so that I can better connect with and communicate with humanity and help them out of the trap they have gotten caught up in. Similar to the dream experience, I originally agreed to take on the human form because it is the only way to help the souls trapped here. Those of us who volunteered had to literally “fall” to Earth, immerse ourselves in the lower vibration and experience what they did in order to get through to them. Just like in the above dream, I had been doing this for lifetime after lifetime.

Failure was the first to hit me. Hard. My guidance reassured me that it was nothing to be upset over. I had done my job as intended. I was meant to lower my vibration. It brought me understanding and without that I could not do my job. Just like in the dream, I had to fully experience and take on the emotion and pain of those I was here to help so they would eventually “see” me and accept my assistance.

What was the most profound to me was that that dream, which took place in what seemed like such a short period of time, is exactly what I have done but over many lifetimes. The process is the same. Time only draws it out, each instant stretched out and prolonged compared to the dreamstate. Time makes the experience seem so real and solid and we lose ourselves in the process, becoming immersed in the density. When we are fully immersed we “make contact” and progress can finally be made.

There were other synchronicities coming into my mind, flooding it actually. I hadn’t missed them but had just been unable to put them all together to form the bigger picture. As I tried to digest it all my guidance said to me, “Smile! You’re on candid camera!” When I heard this I said, “Seriously!?” but then couldn’t help but laugh.

This is when I knew that it was time to shift into the real working part of my mission. My guidance actually asked me, “Why are you here?” I said, “To help.” They said, “Be more specific.” I said, “To heal the ailments of humanity.” With this there was an understanding of why I had been feeling the collective so intensely lately. It was my “wake up” call reminding me of why I came here in the first place. All those in Spirit feel what I have been feeling from humanity all.the.time. It is like humans and Earth have sent out a collective S.O.S. and we are responding to it. Earth is “haunted”, trapped like the earthbound in my dream, unable to “see” the truth in their condition, and in need of assistance. Soldiers were sent out, volunteers who knew they faced the very real danger of becoming just as trapped as those they were trying to save. Many of us did become trapped. I did, or at least that is what it felt like. I am being told it was “purposeful.” To think I would voluntarily trap myself in the muck and mire of this place surprises me. Yet then again it doesn’t. It makes complete sense.

I wondered why I seemed to know so much in this life. I was reminded that it was not just this lifetime. I always Remembered. I have always been connected and in communication with my Team.

There was more Knowing. Knowing that those of us who volunteered, who purposefully lowered our vibration to connect to humanity, are waking up now. Where before we were immersing ourselves, under cover, now we are revealing ourselves. Like in my dream, those we have come to help could not see us until we aligned with their vibration. Now is the time for us to be “seen”, for our Light to do its work, illuminating that which was previously unseen.

The Knowing here is nothing new. I have read and even written similar realizations before now. It seems like these episodes of Remembering come in waves, each time a bit more powerful than the one before. What I Knew with this one is that part of our “coming out” or revealing ourselves is removing ourselves from our undercover “roles”. In my dream I retained full Knowing of who I was throughout and did not waver despite the fear that was nipping at my heels. I understood that time had warped my experience of this, causing me to forget but now memory was returning and I need to ignore the fear and do my job. Also, I knew the other volunteers were to join up in groups. It is inevitable and part of the plan.

I heard, “A storm is coming” not long after recognizing the enormity of it all. The movie/book The Stand came to mind as did all the episodes of Supernatural I’ve been watching.

I/we are being asked to reveal ourselves and step out of the illusion. I know what this means for me and have known for a while. I was told change would be initiated for me, that I will not have to initiate the changes. This all leaves me feeling a bit overwhelmed with a doomsday type feeling. Ugh. Really hate that feeling.

Edit: Just watched the intro video on the Candid Camera YouTube channel and it is 1:11 in length! Ha!