Category Archives: Messages

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Determined to See This Through

The heart fire is coming and going and bringing with it all kinds of emotions. I am grateful for it’s return because I feel more alive when it is present despite the inner conflict that arises within me.

Yesterday, about mid-afternoon, I went into grief for no apparent reason. Thankfully, I am able to observe these releases and with this one it was easy to see that my grief stemmed from my inability to act on the divine love I have for my counterpart. I almost laughed out loud because it felt like what I would expect a horrible breakup would feel like. Since I have not experienced feelings of such magnitude I can only speculate that “breakup” grief is what it resembles.

In an attempt to understand my grief and this amazing connection I have been blessed with, I asked for help. I was led to read WP, checking Reader for new posts. I stumbled upon this post. The synchronicities blew me away and I began to wonder about one of my recent dreams. I reread that dream and connections were made.

My dreams have been pointing me in the direction of healing for as long as I can remember. How blind I have been! The emotional release accompanying this realization confirmed I was on the right track.

Then I was led to read another of my past posts. The synchronisities screamed at me. I had not noticed them when the post was written but now, now they are so obvious! This part especially hit home:

As we left for the evening, I had to leave behind my new friends and rejoin my family. I felt torn and there was agony in my decision. I walked toward my “old” family carrying a large trailer behind me. It was as if I were the car and it (a huge trailer) was hitched to me. As I walked along the road, I encountered masses of people walking toward me – the wrong way. They were drunk and dazed and I remember thinking, “They don’t see me”.

The entire walk home one of my new friends accompanied me. He and I had a strong connection, one that made me feel alive again. It was like he was my soul mate (if such a thing exists).

When I got home I remember I forgot my keys but decided to not go back. I had crossed through a “gate” of some sort and to go back through it would mean going through a “check-point” and I didn’t want to risk getting caught. What I was getting caught for, I don’t know.

When I woke up I was very sad and questioning why. I felt completely and utterly dissociated from my life, my family, and everyone I know. The feeling was so intensely real that I figured it must mean I needed to disconnect from my life and everyone in it. I believed this to the point that I even looked online for an apartment and told my husband I wanted to move out.

The realization of all of this, all of this I had not seen, blew me away. Of course, I can’t be so hard on myself. I was unable to see it at that time. So much had not yet been revealed to me. But now, now I know.

The first dream was warning me of what was to come. The destruction is my entire life, my foundations, falling down around me. Tear it all down and then build it back up. It is destruction of the old me to make way for the new. It is also representative of how my world was turned upside down in December 2015. The ReUnion threw me into chaos for a time and, like the second dream stated so clearly, “I had crossed through a ‘gate’ of some sort’ and there is was going back.

Everything in bold is how I felt the end of December through January. My whole life felt wrong and I so desperately wanted out of it and to join my new friend.

Putting it all together, my mind was made up. This last hurdle must be confronted and destroyed if I am to get to the other side. Going back is not an option.

waterfall

Dream: Waterfall

I went to bed asking to move forward. “Show me what I need to see,” I said. My Companion whispered to me, “Remember.” I knew this was a good sign.

In the dream I on a boat with a male friend. He resembled the man who I call my counterpart except this time he was much younger and his skin a bit lighter. I sensed he had more “life” in him than before.

We were on a fast flowing, massive river similar in size to the Amazon. It was forking in front of us. Both sides equal except for one thing. The path on the left had lines strung over it filled with live chickens hanging by their feet. They were flapping their wings and squawking loudly. On the right there was also a line but on it there were only two live chickens flapping about.

Together we chose the path to the right and navigated down the river. The rapids grew stronger and tossed us about. I knew not many took this path and that the reason was because it ended in a huge waterfall.

As we approached the waterfall, I saw a brilliant white mansion to the right. I knew no one lived in it. I had been there before.

In front of us the river narrowed substantially and its waters were channeled between pillars of concrete. It was a dam of some sort. My partner asked me if I was ready and I said, “Can’t we go around?” He said, “We shouldn’t.” Then we jumped into the river and swam to the left bank. We crawled out and sat upon the concrete together, both of us completely naked. To our right the sound of the waterfall was prominent. I felt exhausted and lay down to rest. My partner sat next to me and looked down at me. I could see him clearly and recognized him. He was nearly my age now and so beautiful. I wanted to put my fingers in his dark hair but I didn’t. I just stared up at him.

Then he was talking to me but I heard no words. Instead he was writing all over my bare skin. He was writing messages to me. His writing covered every inch of me. I saw I had written messages on his skin, too. I knew I had nothing to hide from him and he had nothing to hide from me. I wish I could remember what he wrote now but all I recall is how gentle and loving he was. My heart overflowed with love for him.

Heart Blast

I woke up in tears. Gentle tears. Tears not of sorrow but of the most profound love. My heart was blazing but part of it, the upper right section, was tender. Instead of feeling grief and agony for the seeming separation I woke up to, I felt determined; brave. I felt as if I could do anything as long as he was by my side and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was….is by my side.

I lay in my bed immersed in the love that overflowed from my heart center and heard my Companion say, “There are some things we cannot do alone.” I knew what he meant and he was not referring to himself as my partner in this instance. It was time to focus on my physical counterpart now. In that moment all I wanted to do was go; to leave everything behind and find him. Yet I knew this was impossible and not appropriate. I have contracts to complete, a mission to accomplish. I must become Whole. And instead of feeling sad about it, I felt determined and undeterred.

Whatever the waterfall is, and I have a good idea of what it is, I CAN confront it and move past it. I do it not only for me, but for him. The kind of love we have is the kind that makes me want to do anything for him. I would lose my life if I had to. I guess that is the motivation I need to move past this because to do it just for me is not enough. I don’t feel I am worth it, but he is.

I want to add that had I known a love like this existed, was even possible, I never would have wasted my time with all the others. That love was a pretend love, a projected love. I don’t mean to negate any of my past experiences or past loves, but that is how I feel. If I had known, I would not have accepted anything but the real deal.

 

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Sleep Paralysis and ET Encounter

Yesterday’s energy was flat and ominous at times. I realized that the “ominous” feeling came on when I was too much in my mind and focusing outward. I tend to do this out of habit – probing my environment for clues of where the feeling originates. My guides reminded me to settle in my heart. When I did, the ominous feeling muted and there was calm.

This mini-lesson taught me just how much I tend to focus upon the future. Always looking ahead. There is nothing wrong with anticipating future events if you can avoid dwelling on them. That is my problem. I stay in the future instead of pulling myself back to present. This is especially true now when my guidance is quiet 99% of the time.

Prior to sleep, I requested once again to be allowed to remember what was going on while I slept. This was granted. Just to be on the safe side, I took B6 to make sure I remembered more of my dreams and hoping for an OBE.

Lucide Dream and Sleep Paralysis Episode

At bedtime it began to rain pretty hard. This lasted well into the night. I struggle to fall asleep when there is thunder and lightening, often drifting in the in-between for long periods between booms of thunder. This particular night was no exception but something odd occurred. Maybe it was B6 or the intention to remember, but I kept feeling a strange energy come over my body. With the feeling was an awareness of an on-going conversation with my Companion about the soul exchange. I kept interrupting myself saying to my Companion things like, “I am ready” and “I trust you”. With each statement the energy would envelop me, coming on strongly from the center of my back. At its peak, the energy encapsulated me completely and I felt like I was inside the center of a flower bud; “petals” of energy softly cradling me inside.

Usually my awareness would pull me out of these episodes with a start. There was a smidgen of fear every time. How frustrating that the fear is still there after so, so many similar energetic experiences!

Lucid Dream

At one point I entered into a semi-lucid dream. I was inside an unfamiliar house with my children. There was a storm and I could hear the rain pelting the roof. I tried to turn on the light, but the electricity must have been out because it would not turn on. In the dark I could see outlines of the kitchen. Everything had a glowing white aura.

There was a feeling of impending doom that made me nervous. As I headed out of the kitchen, I heard a loud, crackling followed by an electric buzzing. The buzzing got louder and I looked up because it seemed to be coming from above my head. That’s when I saw a tiny, neon-blue colored sphere about the size of a fist. It began to circle around my head. At that time, a hissing noise started to accompany the buzzing. It sounded similar to the release of an air brake but the sound would draw out with a long “hissssss”. I connected all of this to an E.T. encounter for some reason and thought for sure They had come to collect me.

The sounds were so audible, the visuals so vivid and my rising fear so palpable that I suddenly realized and thought, “This is NOT real!”

Sleep Paralysis

Instantly I was propelled into my sleeping body with quite a bit of force, but the sounds and visuals did not dissipate. Instead, they grew more intense and I had to remind myself that I had just been OOB and all was well and normal. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard, though, and there was a strange energy pushing into my back at heart level, that I struggled to calm down.

In my visual field the hypnagogia turned on and there was a message written over and over on millions of tiny, rectangles. The message was, “I love you”. When I recognized the message the rectangles turned into circles and began to rise in my visual field like bubbles. I remembered not to focus on them and tried to focus on my heart and breathing, but this was nearly impossible because my entire body felt wrong. My back felt like it was arching uncomfortably and the energy pouring into my heart center was chaotic and almost painful. It felt as if I was being torn apart. There was also a strange energy around my head that felt wrong.

And I was afraid. Not terrified. Afraid and getting it under control when there suddenly appeared in front of my vision, face-to-face with me, a woman….errr female. Her gender was very obvious for some reason but she did not look human. Her face would fade in and out but when I saw her she had slanted, black eyes that were parallel to each other and almost touched on the very top of her head.

She looked like an insect. A praying mantis.

I suddenly knew I was on board a craft and she was sitting across from me. My fear was gone. Completely. There was a sense that someone was to my left. My guide. I said to him, “I’m ready if you are.”

That’s when the energy sensations pulled me back to awareness of my body. My back still felt to be arching uncomfortably and I knew I was in sleep paralysis. Heart still pounding I got control of it all and was able to slowly come out of it.

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Surprise Visit from Spirit

Just posting this because it is so rare and was quite a surprise.

I was sitting outside this afternoon and out of the blue I was approached on the right by a man in Spirit. He was quite strong (energetically) and very obviously not a guide. He was also very tall as I could sense him standing next to me. I did not try to see him as he was quite vocal. The first thing he said to me was, “Hi, my name is Bob.”

Right then, my dreams from last night came back to me. In one I was talking with a female couple about how I use to walk into places and immediately pick up Spirit and bravely approach people and pass on messages. I told the couple, “I don’t know why, but that doesn’t happen anymore.” Of course I do know why it happens. I don’t want it to.

Now here was “Bob” next to me. I sent to him a query, “My Dad’s name was….” and he immediately said, “I’m not him. I’m Bob Hutchinson.”

I sent back, “Okay. Good. But I don’t do mediumship anymore.” He said back, “Don’t you?” lol That got me thinking, hmm I guess I do if this is happening.

I tried to ignore him but he didn’t go away. I was smoking (yeah, yeah sheesh) and he said to me, “You knows that’s bad for you.” I sent back, “Tell me about it” and then thought, “No, don’t” because I know how literal Spirit can be. He said to me, “I’m not like that (literal). I’m still transitioning.”

His energy was so strong that I kept waiting for him to start throwing it at me to show me how he died, etc. But he didn’t. Instead he said, “I can wait. I’ll be back.” lolol

And then he left. Just like that. No pushing. No nudging. Just a “Hi, here I am and now I’m going”.

I already like him.

In case you’re curious, “transitioning” means that Bob likely died not long ago. Depending on the individual, the transition period can be anywhere from days to weeks and sometimes even months.

When he left my Companion was there on my left saying, “Do you feel it?” Hmmm. Well I felt that anyway. But then it was obvious that the energy had taken a dramatic shift from this morning. My energy had shifted, in a good way.

Then I wondered if I was going to have a parade of Spirits coming to visit. God I hope not.

FYI – When I give readings, err when I gave readings, my Companion would stand on my left and Spirit would come in on the right. I am not sure why this is but I believe it has to do with receptivity. My Companion acts as my Gatekeeper. He won’t let anyone bad through but he doesn’t control those he lets through. I have to do that. If I get overwhelmed I will ask him to close the gates but that doesn’t always work if he wants me to pay attention. Sigh.

Why this is happening today, I have no clue. It has been so energetically dead for me that all of this seems very out of place.

If you know who Bob is, feel free to email me. I will say that it may not be his name he gave me, though. Usually Spirit gives me the name of someone they knew. They don’t often come right out and give me their own name. BUT this could be one of those rare occasions. Who knows. 🙂

 

 

 

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Clean Slate

Yesterday was a tough day. I should have expected it after the intensely emotional dream experience I had. Then this morning more was revealed as to why there has been such a lack of anything spiritual for me for a couple of weeks now. Apparently there has been an upgrade underway for some time and it will continue for some time more. I am not liking this particular upgrade at all, either, for it seems to have almost completely shifted me into the me that is not interested in life or living.

My mind continues to fixate on what I seem to have lost. For example, I went into a depression yesterday because I suddenly felt as if I would never have anymore spiritual experiences or deep heart connections in this life. I desperately missed (still do) the heart fire I had not long ago. It made me feel alive and loved and so many other things that I cannot describe. All connection that was once there seems to have disappeared almost completely and been replaced once again by the endless emptiness that has been with me most of this life. And once again I can’t help but wonder, “What the (expletive) is wrong with me???”

I want to be clear, however, that my guidance is still present. My Companion specifically is communicating with me but the connection that comes with him is nearly imperceptible. The connection is what I miss the most and even though I hear from him reassurance that all is well and going as planned I feel as if nothing is going to ever be right again. My future seems empty, devoid of feeling and pointless.

On top of all this, my sleep is still limited. I keep waking too early and am unable to return to sleep. This morning it was 4:45am! And when I awoke I was furious, demanding to be allowed to go Home (really!? so tired of that!) and it took me quite a while to calm myself down. I did this mainly by tuning into my heart and focusing on my many blessings. It is funny how often I shift into focusing on what I don’t have rather than on what I do have. I began to mentally list what I was grateful for (thanks Rick) and before I knew it I was feeling relaxed and drowsy. Unfortunately, I had to get up at that point to start the day, but at least I was in a far better mood.

Clean Slate

Despite the disconnection I’ve been feeling, there still comes through brief flashes of memory; messages from my counterpart. One particular memory is of being presented with the “new” me in energy form. It is best described as an energetic template because it is seen as an energy body of an electric-blue streaked with purple and indigo. It is spectacularly beautiful and when I see it in my memory I want to exhale and cry tears of relief. The feeling is that this energy template comes with the exchange. At some point I will literally drop my current template and take on this new, clean one. The one I occupy currently feels dirty in comparison to the new one. I understand that the dirty feeling is the debris I am currently clearing. In order to step into the new template I must clear the old one. I don’t really understand why that is. All I know is that I am extremely tired of how long it is taking to clear the old one. The more I try to clear, the more exhausted and apathetic I become. The current issue in front of me feels like an impossible mountain. When I think of trying to climb this mountain, I get extremely tired and disinterested.

So I am back to square one it seems. One step forward, two steps back. I’m trying to remember all the lessons I’ve learned along the way; to not become bogged down by my mind and stay in my heart. It is extremely difficult to do this when it appears I’ve been left on my own. Boredom poses an obstacle, too. I was told last night it was a good lesson for me to learn. Heard  a chuckle along with the message. I don’t see it as a fun lesson, but then my Companion knows that. Patience and persistence are needed. The heart will provide these things if only I can stay there long enough.

 

 

 

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Lucid Dream to OBE: Take it Off

Up at 5am this morning because my two youngest decided it was time to get up. My husband was with them, awake and watching t.v. Furious, I yelled at them to be quiet and then fumed while laying in bed. I wasn’t really mad at them, though. I was mad because I woke up on my own, like clockwork, and could not go back to sleep. When I wake up that early I have absolutely nothing to do and all I want is to go back to sleep and astral project or just dream. Yet for some reason at 5-5:30am I am wide awake. I was fed up.

I attempted to meditate but made sure my guides knew just how upset I was at being kept out of astral for so long. I said,”If you are going to take everything (spiritual) away, then at least let me astral!!” I heard no response and continued to fume for a bit about other things like how my entire back felt stiff and it was really cold! lol

Lucid Dream: New House

The next thing I remember I am inside a house that has no furniture. There was a woman with me who was showing me around. Specifically, we were looking at the high ceilings. She said to me, “You have nice vaulted ceilings. At least the ceilings are higher in this one (house).” I said, “Well my last one had coffered ceilings. I remember looking up at the ceiling as it came to a point above my head.

She then took me into a closet and showed me a small cubby where I could store things. I remember telling her that I didn’t like the vaulted ceilings in the closet because it made the shelves too high. I inspected the small cubbyhole she was showing me. It resembled a box.

OBE: Take it Off

Throughout the above dream my lucidity would come and go, but toward the end, as I looked at the woman, I thought to myself, “I am out of body!” I felt the energy indicating this the minute I thought the thought. My vision and the image of the woman disappeared but I felt her presence still close by.

I was standing in an unfamiliar place. I could sense the space expand around me. Though my vision was not fully available to me, the first thing I thought was that I needed to look at my hands. When thought this, my vision turned on and I saw bright blue sky and a flash of the woman to my left. I remember she said to me, “Look.” Yet, despite trying hard to keep my vibration high, the scene continued to fade in and out. I believe, however, that I was standing on a beach near the ocean. The only vivid images I recall now are of the sky and the woman. There is also a sensation of being encouraged to expand. With this there is memory of the woman reaching over and taking off my outer shell. In this I recall seeing the duplicate of my physical body fall away like a suit of clothing. Underneath was a brilliant green energy body.

OBE: Honeymoon

I felt the familiar energy of settling back into my body. Surprised that I had been allowed to go OOB I immediately took advantage of my high energy state and exited.

I was standing beside the woman. I had absolutely no astral sight but instead was able to perceive in black and white. The woman and I were walking toward a destination and I knew we were standing outside of a building. I could sense the greenery around me and wished I could see it in all its brilliance.

The door opened and we stepped inside. My vision would sporadically turn on and off and so I was able to get a glimpse of where we were. It appeared to be a house like the previous lucid dream. The woman was my main focus, though. She was blonde and fair, her hair cut in layers that framed her face. She had a very youthful appearance and glow about her.

She led me toward the end of the house where I perceived huge ceiling-high windows. She lifted me up and set me on something. This surprised me because I could feel her grab hold of me and it seemed so effortless for her to lift me. I felt her close to me still and my vision turned on flooding me with an intense light and an image of her face. Her cherub-like face was so child-like! She couldn’t have been more than 10 years old! When I saw her I said, “Keira!” and pulled her close to me to hug and kiss her. I felt a great affinity for her and was overjoyed to see her. She hugged me but when I attempted to kiss her she said, “Not now. I’m not allowed.” So my kiss hit empty air. Somewhat disappointed I watched as her image literally vanished in front of my eyes but I could still feel her all around me.

She led me toward the huge windows and then we materialized on the other side. My vision turned on again and again an intense light flooded my eyes. We were standing on a large, golden-colored balcony. There were couples sitting together and relaxing. Somehow I knew they were all married couples and this was where they honeymooned. I recognized the place and I remember I said to her, “This overlooks the ocean!” I rushed to the edge of the balcony (it was solid) to look over it. When I did, I did not see a beach. Instead, I saw a clear creek with rushing water that was heading downhill over polished rocks to an unseen source. On either side of the creek was lush, green, tropical vegetation. It reminded me of a section of a rainforest that had been clear-cut. I looked up at the most vividly blue sky I had ever seen and just smiled. It was fantastic! Yet at the same time I wondered, “Where’s the ocean?” It was as if someone had drained it and left only a creek behind.

Then my energy shifted and I felt the familiar sensation of my physical body. I lingered in the in-between for some time after that.

Message: There’s a Tear in the Fabric of the Astral Realms

Of course, I wondered why I was allowed OOB when I had been told I could not. It was explained that there was a massive crack in the astral realms right now. This was shown to me like a rip in the fabric of energy that separated the various “levels”. The tear caused these levels to intermingle. It is like when there is a tear in a plastic swimming pool. The water rushes through the crack all at once. With these various planes or levels of astral, this causes a blending of the vibrations, making it difficult to traverse without guidance and even harder still to move up through the lower levels. The crack or tear makes it difficult for one to maintain the correct vibration. The tear acts to destabilize one’s energy and “sucks” it away into the whirlpool created by the crack. This is why it was so hard for me to control my energy. My guides were trying to show me how to fix this problem. I need to drop my astral body altogether (as in the first OBE). I was told that I was not following directions on how to do this. I was more interested in playing. LOL Too true! It had been so long since I had been aware of being OOB that I really just wanted to fly and explore. I was able to stay OOB without dropping my astral body only because my guide was helping me to stabilize my energy. Anything that would disrupt this (kissing, touching, etc) would have caused a spike in my vibration which would have instantly destabilized my astral body. The only way around this was to discard the astral body completely.

 

 

 

 

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Maintain a High Vibration

Yesterday was a fantastically beautiful day! Unfortunately for me, mundane life took the front seat. Things have to get done.

First off, my husband went to get an eye exam. He had been complaining of not seeing well when driving months ago but never made an appointment. The only reason he got an appointment is because I made one for him. lol Anyway, turns out his vision, which has always been 20/20, is almost as bad as mine now. I do not know how he managed to even drive! I wouldn’t dare drive without glasses or contacts. No way! So now he wears glasses and wants to get contacts. We’ll see how he adjusts. lol

Me, I had to get my teeth cleaned per the requirements of starting my orthodontic treatment. I knew I would not get good news. It was just a feeling. I had not been for a cleaning in 2 years and thought I would have to get some fillings replaced. Turns out all is well – apparently I didn’t even need a cleaning (after 2 years!). BUT they found a Grand Canyon-sized crack in one of my molars. Huh? They took a picture with tiny camera and showed me. It was plain as day. So no big deal, right? It didn’t hurt so I figured all was well. The dentist explained that it was good that I had no pain because a crack that size usually exposed the nerve causing excruciating pain. Since this was not the case yet, I was “lucky” and could get a crown and fix the problem before it began to cause me pain and cost me tons more money.

So I will be getting a $1300 crown on Tuesday. Why these things cost so much, I will never know. It definitely makes me feel old, though. How the hell does one crack a huge molar? They said I probably bit down on something hard. Hmm, yeah, of course I did! That is what teeth do – chew! lol

What is crazy curious about all this is that I was calm and collected the whole time. They took my blood pressure and it was 109/69, pulse 80. Hahaha. I’m probably the most chill patient they’ve ever had. And when I saw the crack I never once panicked or worried about money, pain, etc. This is very out of the ordinary for me. I did think about the cost, but mostly because I had not expected the added cost. In my head I was doing calculations to figure out where I would pull the money from. I knew this “bad” news was purposeful.  I need to fix it while I can afford it regardless of the cost. Who knows where I will be in the next few years and I definitely don’t want to be in the position where I am in excruciating pain and need an emergency root canal. Yuck.

On April 5th I will be getting braces. Thankfully, now days they have options that make them nearly imperceptible. Mine will be wire but with clear brackets. I won’t be able to eat normally for the entire time I wear them which is estimated to be 14 months. I still have difficulty justifying the expense for one misplaced tooth, but there is a feeling that I need to do it. Gotta go with my gut.

Despite all the “bad” news yesterday, the energy was sublime and people who I encountered were happy in a bubbly sort of way. Spring is in the air!

violet

Protect Yourself – Maintain a High Vibration

Today the energy is a bit different – more erratic. My household seems quite affected. This morning my husband woke on a rampage which was not pleasant. I hate it when he gives me lectures like I am one of his children!

I began to perceive this difference last night. My husband is big into Game of Thrones and so I watched it with him but kept being distracted by our stereo system. It kept flashing the message, “Connected”. This is the Bluetooth, of course, but usually it is not connected. When I saw the connected message I felt a wave of energy pour into me via my crown and from my back through my heart chakra. I knew this was a message that me and my counterpart in Spirit are “connected” and the love that washed over me was confirmation.

About half an hour later I was drinking my tea and felt a different energy. It did not scare me but I recognized it as lower in vibration than is normal. The communication from this entity suggested an earthbound (ghost) or at the very least a resident of the lower astral/etheric. This particular entity was trying to disguise himself as my Companion and I detected his disguise quite quickly and surrounded myself with Light and called upon the Violet Flame.

Afterward, I asked why this was occurring and was told to be careful of my thoughts as they manifest quite quickly. I then realized that watching that T.V. show had shifted me into fear mode and my thoughts had been along the lines of doubting what I had been experiencing. This opened me up to lower vibrational entities. NOT something I wish to experience.

Just goes to show how very important it is to keep your vibration high.

 

 

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Message: Worship Life

If you stripped away all the roles and labels you identify with, what would be left?

This question was asked of me this morning along with these messages:

Worship life.

Think “some day” and you’ll spend the rest of your life waiting for “some day” to come.

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Dreams

My dreams were also intensely vivid and related to these messages.

In one dream I was standing by an area where bundles of tall sticks had been stored vertically. Amidst them were four babies that appeared to be dead but when inspected were very much alive. We revived them and they morphed into dogs and the rest of the dream involved discussion about the dogs.

In the other dream me and my family moved to Alaska where a sustainable community was being created. The place was all gray and dreary and I kept worrying about the long nights ahead and dreading the future. I had a feeling that I should be happy but I was not and I was bored.

Memories

When I awoke all kind of things were going through my head. The song, from my previous post  was the most noticeable but there was a distinct memory of the time prior to my move to Alaska:

My ex-husband moved to Alaska before me to attend a training academy and I waited in Texas, living with my Mom and preparing for our drive to Alaska. I didn’t want to go. I knew what was waiting for me. At one point I broke down in tears while taking a shower because I wanted badly to stay in Texas. This was after I had turned down a job offer for a teaching position at a nearby school. At the time, I was too afraid to go out on my own, even with all the signs pointing to this being the right thing to do. I believed my marriage was more important; that to choose my wants and needs over my marriage was selfish and wrong. My mother had seen me crying and spoke to me about it afterward. She encouraged me to stay and I remember such pain in my heart. Unbearable pain. Excruciating.

Lessons

After this memory hit me, I was asked, “Focus on that feeling. What did it tell you?”

My response: “The feeling was showing me what I am not.”

I recognized that the feeling was trying to show me that moving to Alaska did not align with my energy/vibration. It was out of sync with me. Yet I ignored it, choosing instead to follow my ex’s path, a path that was not mine and did not align with my authentic self. The result was near disastrous for me.

I feel the beginnings of this feeling in my current life. Honestly, I don’t even want to acknowledge the feeling is emerging. I hate knowing it is there. Yet things in my life are shifting in a direction I know I am not suppose to go. What do I do with that?

Preparation

As I drifted in and out of the in-between, scenes came into my mind. One specific scene pulled me out of my reverie it surprised me so much. In this scene, a friend of mine was talking to me about needing to find a roommate. I did not recognize this friend, though. Her search came at a time in which I needed to find a place to live on my own. As I pulled myself out of the scene there came with it a knowingness that if I follow my heart, then things will align perfectly to set me on the right path.

Of course, I panicked and had thoughts like, “What will I do for a living? Where will I go? I can’t live far away from my family! I will be so alone! What about my kids?” and on and on and on. Yet the feeling with these thoughts was calm – the panic was hollow; fabricated. So weird!

In response to these thoughts there was knowing that I would be OK. I have money saved. I have a retirement fund I can cash in at any time. I can travel. I can do anything I want. I thought of traveling to Egypt and to South America. Then worry would enter and say, “But what of after all of that? What do I do when all that money is gone?”

The winning answer is “Who the f**k cares!” LOL

I know all of this is preparation for something to come. There is nothing for me to do now except prepare. It could be a year from now, two years, ten years. I don’t know. But the feeling, the PUSH is coming and I need to acknowledge it for what it is so that when it happens, the resistance will not be there.

And those labels, for me they are (in order of importance): mother, wife, daughter, sister, counselor, teacher, lover, friend. Who am I when I toss all of those? What is left?

If you try this, you will know just how scary it is to let go of these labels but at the same time extremely freeing. We can imagine ourselves without these labels but in actually letting them go – releasing the identification with them – we will find who we truly are. I don’t know the answer to this for myself yet. I have to live it. Yet there is a feeling that I will be like I was in the beginning of this life – without boundaries, always in the present moment, and endlessly exploring and loving life. Imagine that.

 

 

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Willing to Experience Anything

Though the energies have been high and quite intense, I have not noticed them quite as much as is normal. Perhaps I have adjusted? The only indicators for me that the energies are high right now are: 1. My guidance/intuition tells me they are. 2. My heart, third-eye and crown have been active on and off. 3. My sleep is more interrupted than usual and I am having more vivid dreams.

My dreams indicate that I am going through yet another transition period and making more decisions behind-the-scenes.

Community College or University – I had a dream in which I was deciding if I should go to a community college or university. A line of students were waiting for orientation at the community college and I remember mulling over my options. I was going for an advanced (doctorate) degree so I chose the university. The feeling from this dream is that I am choosing what direction I wish to go in. There comes with this dream a sense that choosing the university indicates choosing a “school” many, many others would also be attending. Maybe the lessons then are more mundane in nature?

Piranha Swimming in Air – I walked into a bedroom and saw a large aquarium with big fish in it. I prepared to feed them when I saw one of the fish swimming around in the air about me. It startled me and I left in a hurry. I told some people outside, “Do you know one of the fish escaped? Be careful because it’s a piranha and it could bite you.” I also asked, “Is it even possible for a fish to swim in the air??” Fish out of a fish tank and swimming in the air is actually a common dream for me.

Fish are usually representative of ideas and/or insights from the subconscious. A piranha is likely an idea or issue that is literally eating away at me and causing me internal upset. The fish tank itself indicates I am in control of my emotions (all but the piranha that is).

tardisRejecting Intuition – In this dream I was at a busy intersection with others. It reminded me a large city like New York. There was a man sitting on the bench. When I saw him I intuited that he would be in an accident and lose both his legs. I decided not to tell him because I believe doing so is irresponsible and unethical. I continued past him but was asked to stop and reset this machine for the next person. It reminded me of the Tardis from Dr. Who except it was smaller. I found the latch and flipped it. The latch was labeled, “Walk-in”. There was much confusion here in the dream and a thought of wishing I didn’t know what the future would bring.

Continued Shifting

There are other dreams intermixed with these but the themes are similar. When I awoke one of the six times that I woke in the night (ugh!) I recall knowing that I had chosen to slow down progress towards Wholeness. I am afraid and need to sort through that fear. I was not very nice to myself upon recognizing this and viewed it as a flaw. There was also knowing that a rest period has been entered (again) and April 4 came to mind. As usual it appears my guidance is giving me a heads up on when the next rush of energies (likely Kundalini) is coming.

In the meanwhile, physically I look and feel wonderful. There has been a physical transformation in me over the last couple of weeks that I am pleased with. My complexion is superb when it has been anything but since the end of January. I have more energy than usual and my body just feels lighter. It is hard to describe. Additionally, I am feeling more connected to my body and feel so much more than I have in a very long time (3 years?). I am actually interested in sex again. Huh? lol Happy dance. I literally feel like I am 20 years old again. Woo-hoo!

On top of these changes, I am also feeling more motivated. Today I have an appointment with an orthodontist to fix my teeth which has been an on-going irritation for me since my 20’s. I have never done anything because of the high cost involved and I could never justify paying so much for one out of place tooth. This time I’m going to do it. It’s an early 40th birthday present to myself. 🙂

There is also present an inkling that I might be able to venture back into the workplace. The thought of it is still unsettling but I sense this will break down in the next few months. There are still some things in my life that need to shift before looking for work but I am being prepared for something that is coming.

I am willing to experience anything at this point. 🙂

 

 

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Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough

This song has been following me around all day. I woke up hearing the chorus, “Sometimes love just ain’t enough”. Why was I hearing this upon waking?

In reading over the lyrics, I have to say the message doesn’t seem to be a good one.

Hang Gliding Dream

The dream just prior to waking may be a clue. I don’t recall much of it now, but I do remember very vividly a bright red hang glider that was being ridden by a young man. It was like he had wings and he kept getting in my way. I was walking up some very steep stairs and he landed right in front of me, blocking my way. The entire dream scene itself was like something out of a movie. What Dreams May Come pops into my head and the crazy afterlife scenes of never-ending stairs and people flying through the sky. This was the kind of place I found myself in.

what-dreams-may-come

Scene from What Dreams May Come

There was a  vast, golden stair leading up to a large ledge. From where I stood on the stairs I could see I was close to the top and the steep stairs seemed to stretch on and on below me. Below that, a vivid green expanse and blue sky that seemed to go on forever. The sky was filled with puffy white clouds and hang gliders. Each of us was preparing for our own take off from the building high above. There were conversations but they are lost to me now. All that remains in words is the above song and that one line. Weird.

Hang gliding or seeing a hang glider in a dream symbolizes the wish for freedom from one’s limitations or limiting circumstances. The color red here may be symbolic of the root chakra and feelings of safety and security. The stairs symbolize achievement of understanding and making progress on one’s journey. The fact that I am near the top is significant here as I am able to see how far I’ve come and how close I am to reaching my goal.

There is some behind the dream memory of discussing my marriage and relationship with my husband. These discussions also occur when I’m not dreaming, so I do not doubt they continue during dream time. I can’t help but put it all together and notice. This comes with a feeling of not wanting to acknowledge some obvious truths. Even now I don’t want to look too hard for fear of what I might find. Yet, when I read the lyrics some parts practically yell at me to pay attention. Specifically the parts about staying just to have someone by my side and thinking something’s going to change but it never does.

My husband is very stubborn and determined. Even if I decide that I want to leave, he will not allow me to. He is that pig-headed. The only way he will ever let me go is if he decides it for himself. I don’t think that will ever happen. And honestly, I do love him very much, but, like the lyrics say, maybe love isn’t enough?

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Heart Surges, Boredom and a Great Blue Heron

The energy is a bit stagnant again this morning, but I can feel it is revving up for another surge around the full moon and eclipse on Wednesday. It will continue to cycle through the end of the month. Ebb and flow, surge and fall. The stagnant periods will replace the low, depressed, chaotic flow of the last cycle of upgrades and transmissions. I am grateful for that.

Heart Surges

I experienced several heart surges throughout the day yesterday. They were high heart surges and shifted into my throat chakra several times. My third eye was also triggered when my heart was blazing. With these surges of energy I felt hopeful, excited and a bit nervous. Something BIG is coming.

Unmotivated and Bored

Today’s stagnant energy has amplified my lack of motivation and boredom. I lingered in bed this morning feeling out of the energies and being warned of my tendency to over analyze everything. Even though I don’t like the feelings I am experiencing I have to learn to allow them to flow. They will pass. Nothing stays the same. Change is a constant.

There is a tendency in me to do, do, do. I have trouble staying still. There needs to be a project or something mentally stimulating for me to fill my time with. Right now is not a time for DOing. It is a time for BEing. There are timelines shifting and constant re-alignment. To DO anything at this time would result in NOthing for the alignment is not complete.

Charts, Graphs and Grids

A repeating pattern as I wake in the morning is a recollection of seeing shapes, patterns, charts, graphs and grids. They are random and flash through my memory as if they are being stored somewhere deep in my subconscious in order to protect my waking mind from too much information too soon. Mathematical computations are among these images.

This morning, the most prominent images were of seeing various grids superimposed one upon the other. They were spread across the universe, the Earth, and every living thing on the Earth. Some of the grids were square, others were octagonal, still others pentagons. So many different shapes! The colors also varied. Some were blue, others green, some red and still others purplish and their overlapping colors created a massive, multidimensional mandala of color. The grid pattern I saw from our galaxy had vortexes and circular patterns that swirled and seemed to breathe as they expanded and contracted.

Then there are the charts. The Venn Diagram is familiar. My guide showed me this back in 2004 to explain my spiritual transformation. The separate ares of consciousness – conscious, subconscious, superconscious, were merging, becoming less separated. There was another chart that was less familiar and dotted with mathematical formulas – positives and negatives, proportions, symbols, and geometric formulas that I cannot specifically place at this time. They are familiar – meaning I have come across them in this lifetime, but they all blend in my mind making them hard to separate. The graph itself showed an upward trend in red. Below, in a contrasting color, was a more even flow that remained lower in elevation than its counterpart. My sense from this chart is it was of human evolutionary patterns in relation to Earth changes and electromagnetic pole distribution. But I suspect there is much, much more being discussed and anticipated.

I searched the internet for something that looked familiar to me. This article, which upon reading makes my head spin, is very similar to the formulas and corresponding symbols I remember. The image below gives you an idea of what I am seeing. Mind boggling!

a11fm227

Preparation – Expansion Pending

The BIG something I mentioned earlier is an expansion of Self which ultimately leads to Wholeness. Yesterday I spent most of the day receiving downloads via my heart – thus the heart blasts. The downloads have not made their way into my conscious mind as of yet, but the feeling from them is already being felt. I perceive the magnitude of what is to come more than anything.

My mentor was very, very close all day and is today as well. If I focus on him, my heart blows wide open, so I try to keep my distance. lol

The previous night’s Kundalini rising from my root to my heart must have cleared some blockages because my stomach has been extra sensitive, making my eating habits an area of particular focus lately. I ate a ton of french fries from Wendy’s on Sunday and spent yesterday paying for it. Stomach knots and lower back pain – it could have been worse. I know better than to eat that crap! Since then I have been focused on eating more clean foods – fresh veggies, fish, organic meats, whole grains. And I am extremely thirsty! Since this pattern is familiar, I know it is a preparation stage and this time I plan to avoid a stomach flu forced cleanse. 🙂

great_blue_heronSigns of Change

My husband is also feeling the stagnant energy and has been quite restless. Yesterday he came home and wasn’t even in the front door when he began to talk about selling our home and moving to Florida. lol He proceeded then to tell me that he wants to take his aunt and uncle up on their offer to fund his new business. He wants to move to Clearwater and if not there then he brought up Colorado and of all places Iowa! Iowa? No way! lol I immediately went into panic mode because if he quits and focuses on a new business then I need to work to make sure we can pay our bills, etc in the meantime. I have absolutely NO motivation to get back out there into the 3D world. Just thinking of going back to work makes me feel sick inside. Ugh! I had to tell my husband to stop talking about it and even told him he may have to do it on his own. This shut him up temporarily and I retreated to the back yard porch swing to calm down.

While out there thinking how I couldn’t possibly confront going back to work, I spotted a huge blue bird walking along the creek below me. Stunned, he looked directly at me and I recognized him to be a great blue heron. What was a bird like that doing in our creek!? His eyes met mine and he flew across the open area to the safety of the trees and then just stared at me.

When I looked up the message a blue heron brings I discovered a message to remain calm and remember my ability to adapt to changing situations. It is funny that the heron came at the time he did because it was like he was addressing the thoughts I was having at that time by saying, “Be patient. Answers and opportunity will come. Be prepared to take action when they do.”