December 18, 2018 by Dayna

Snapping Turtle Message

I had a weird experience last night. Not sure what to call it but it left me feeling unsettled.

What I recall now of the experience is quite muted because it happened early on in the night. There is mainly a feeling of dis-ease that goes with it. I recall feeling transplanted from one body to the other; as if this was a “normal” thing to experience. The energetics of it were unsettling and induced a low grade alarm reaction in me, but not enough to cause me to react or resist. There was a sense of shifting from one time to another. It was like I was jumping around taking a look at all the possible timelines. Along with all this was memory of all these other timelines as well as this current one. It was very difficult to process and thus left me feeling very disoriented, confused and alarmed.

When I woke up I was stunned and still trying to process what I had just experienced. Honestly, I felt completely insane and it was hard not to imagine myself having a psychotic break from it all. I thought for sure I would go into a disassociative state or that I may already in the midst of one which was why I was so confused.

Somehow, despite feeling crazy, I fell back to sleep. I recall being reminded to “surrender” and being I had just re-blogged one of my own posts on that exact topic, it made sense and I didn’t question it.

However, moments before falling asleep, I remembered all these other similar incidents that I had somehow forgotten! It was bizarre and a bit concerning that I had forgotten them, yet I knew I had chosen to do so probably in order to avoid the exact feelings I was having this time around. The previous experiences were very energetic as well, as if someone came and plucked me out of my body, put me in another body or something energetically altering, and then put me back. All the while I was conscious of the exchange but not resisting. Actually, I am not sure my resistance would do any good. It was more a sense of being frozen and unable to do anything except allow the experience. Yet all the experiences left me on high alert upon returning to this reality and thinking that I must be losing my mind.

It is not a fun feeling yet at the same time I am also not alarmed at all, as if it is all completely normal! I think perhaps I experienced it from two perspectives – the Ego (small self) and the Higher Self. Of course, the Higher Self wins out and is why the ultimate feeling that wins out is the “this happens all the time” consideration. It is such a calm, “I got this” kinda of feeling, too, and there is complete Trust and Knowing.

I know. Bizarre. What can I say? This is my life. lol

Any psychologist/psychiatrist would likely diagnose me with some kind of mental illness. Every time I have these experiences, especially the ones where I am most obviously experiencing as two aspects of one, the thought crosses my mind that I must be schizophrenic or at the least emotionally disturbed to the point of disassociation. I’ve been down that road before and found it a dead-end.

Prior to bed I had been feeling like my entire life was “wrong” again. I had a very strange feeling I cannot describe and was thinking, “I can’t go on like this for much longer.” Perhaps I was being recalibrated in my sleep to address this feeling?

Snapping Turtle

This morning I had a very unexpected in-depth discussion with my husband that ended rather abruptly. As with most of our discussions, tempers flared and voices were raised periodically.

After he left for work I went down to make breakfast for myself and my youngest son. When I went outside to toss some leftovers I noticed something in our creek.

I called my son outside to see the turtle and we watched him for a while. In the above picture he is eating a yellow pear that had fallen into the water. We have pear trees that still have fruit falling from them, so it was likely quite fresh and perfect eating.

Eventually, the turtle sensed us and swam away. The whole while we were both fascinated. We’ve lived here over 4 years and never seen a turtle, much less a snapping turtle!

Snapping Turtle symbolism and meaning:

Some journey has come to its final end.

Speak up for yourself, take a stand but be fair about it.

Communicate honestly; do not withhold anything.

Take your time and think before making decisions that cannot be undone.

It’s time to go your own way.

Source

It is amazing to me how the Universe works, how it sends a messenger to answer the questions I had going through my mind just prior.

As I was editing this post a song came to mind – Fleetwood Mac’s (who is playing here in Austin in February) – Go Your Own Way.

Hahaha and if you click on the link above “Austin in February” you will see that this message repeats:

Going Their Own Way in 2018!

LOL

December 17, 2018 by Dayna

Surrender

Repost from April, 2018. I was led to return to old blog entries after reading another bloggers personal OBE account where she was shown a symbol that resembled a “T”. When I read this post, a specific line in it stood out to me as confirmation that the symbol she saw was purposeful: It seems that this ascension is coming to a “T”.

This post overall resonates as I read my own words, words that seem so alien to me in this present time. Have I changed so much that now my own words feel to be those of another? Or is it just that I am currently deeply enmeshed in physical reality experience that this other part of me has grown silent, observing the process and gaining insight throughout?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this post and the process of surrender.

Namaste,
Dayna

Living Life in Between

I know I have not written much on my personal spiritual journey for a long while, other than to post an OBE or two. Spiritual experiences continue, but are unclear initially and need much processing. Plus, I am observing the impermanence of experience and waiting for information to process – to solidify – before I share it. This goes against the grain of my previous personality, I know. Rest assured, the part of me that wishes to blurt out everything I experience is still here but has learned to stand down and allow the process to unfold. There is much wisdom to be found in patient observation. Patient – also a word that I would normally not use to describe myself. 🙂

This morning when I woke I had clarity where there has been none for quite a few weeks. Mercury retrograde threw me into the mind more than the…

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December 16, 2018 by Dayna

Dream: I’m Leaving and I’m Not Coming Back

Some dreamwork from this morning that seems significant:

Dream: I’m Leaving and I’m Not Coming Back

The dream began with me walking through a hub bustling with people. As I walked I noticed a bus station on my left and lines of people buying their tickets. Ahead of me was a corridor and my destination.

Then I was sitting at a student desk inside a narrow classroom with a floor-to-ceiling window on my left. Out the window I could see the hub and people walking to and fro. Behind me was a line of desks each occupied by a student. In the corner was the teacher at her own desk.

The teacher got up and began to hand out completed assignments to the students. I saw her pass up mine, putting it at the back of the stack until it was the only one remaining. Then she put it down and returned to her desk. I asked her, “What about mine?” She responded that she was going to keep it and mentioned that it was “like my others”. I remember taking it as a rebuttal, as if the teacher did not expect much of me. I eyed my assignment. It looked like one of those workbook worksheets from high school.

Then it was quiet as all the students began to read quietly the next chapter as instructed by the teacher. I was at the front of the line of desks and could see all the students obedient and scholarly-like doing what they were told. The light in the room was very dim, too dim to read by, and I thought it unfair for the teacher to expect us to read in such poor circumstances. I remembering thinking how I did not even need to be in the class because I had already taken it and gotten my degree.

The teacher excused herself and exited the classroom. I turned toward my book and decided that I was not going to stay in a class I didn’t need. Besides, there was a feeling that this class was related to a religion I was not in agreement with. I got up, faced the other students, and said, “Tell her I’m leaving and I’m not coming back.” As I walked past I heard several students gasp in disbelief and saw at least one of them smile.

When I walked outside I was back in the bustling hub. I didn’t know where I parked and was confused. I was frantic as I had no idea even what my car looked like. I burst into tears, crying because I felt lost and confused. “What will I do now? Where will I go?” were some of my thoughts. A nice women came up to me and asked me if I needed help. She was very kind and reassuring, putting her hand on my shoulder. She pointed toward the bus station and told me my car would be just past it. Calmer now, I walked past the bus station noting the lines of people staring into space, tickets in hand. Everything seemed so monotone – gray, white and charcoal black.

When I found my car the road and parking garage slowly flooded with water. The car was floating as I climbed in and struggled to find my key and turn on the ignition. My car kept bumping into other parked cars and I worried I would dent them. There was a woman’s voice with me at this time continuing to reassure me. My car floated like a boat and was difficult to maneuver without the engine on. I was panicking and fumbling for my keys. Finally I found my key and put it in the ignition, turning it. The engine roared as it started. Suddenly there was no water and I was not floating but driving smoothly and exiting the garage and hub altogether.

I remember seeing my car at one point, as if I was purchasing it. It looked like a “boat” (the term my friends and I used to describe cars like the 1970 El Camino). It was gray with peeling paint and worn tires. I think I called it a Buick and said, “It’s gonna need new tires.” Despite not liking it all that much I remember accepting it as mine and thinking, “It will have to do.”

I must have driven home or to my destination because I was next in a room sitting in a chair. I saw an old friend of mine enter. I hadn’t seen her in years. I spoke to her, commenting on how she seemed and asking how she was doing. Her expression showed me that she was not doing well. She was exhausted, depressed and feeling to be spinning her wheels.

She sat down facing away from me and stared out a window. I could tell she was trying to ignore me. I remember encouraging her, telling her that I was certain she would make progress soon because she was such a hard worker. I knew she could hear me but was pretending she could not.

This particular friend recently cut all ties with me quite abruptly. I remember thinking in the dream about how she had tried to make me into the type of friend she wanted when she should have just respected the boundaries that were in place when we met. When we met, she came to me for readings. I suspect she thought it would be beneficial to her to have a psychic-medium for a friend. I think it backfired on her. Me, I always knew my place but allowed her to befriend me. I sensed the lesson in it for her, and maybe for me as well.

Lesson

When I woke the part of the dream that was clearest to me was when I walked out of the classroom never to return. There was a realization in the dream that I was choosing to take the class over and over again, even when I didn’t need it. There was also a sense that I put up with teachers who did not respect me and had low expectations of me.

The decision in the dream seemed significant, though how specifically is not clear at this time. I have had dreams of being in school for a very long time now. Often I am in college taking a course I’ve taken and passed many times before. I always realize this in the dream but do not often do anything about it. Usually I just fail the class by not attending it. Sometimes I take the class over again anyway, happy that I already know the information and certain that I will pass with flying colors.

The next part that stands out about my dream is the feelings I had as I exited the classroom. I had no idea what to do, who I was or where I was going. All memory of how I got to there was gone. I was literally sobbing and hysterical in the dream, like completely freaking out to the point of a breakdown. It reminds me now of how I felt as a small child when I would lose my mom in the grocery store. lol

In considering this dream reaction, I think it has to do with confronting a similar situation in my life – one where I can choose to not repeat a lesson and step away from a repetitive cycle. If I make such a decision then I could potentially feel lost and confused. So perhaps the dream was me trying on how this decision might effect me? If so, then I was shown that I would be guided in the right direction and ultimately be OK.

The portion of the dream involving my friend could be a reflection of how my life might look if I do not choose to end the cycle. Or it also could be that I connected with this person and got a glimpse of her current circumstances. It felt like I was actually trying to communicate with her, so maybe it is more the latter than the former.

Ultimately, I can relate to the dream and the feelings in it. I have been considering making some changes but I hesitate because I cannot conceive of my life any other way than what it is like now. I struggle to know what to do. I feel confused and lost. Breaking cycles is difficult, especially if these cycles are all you have ever known. Who am I without these familiar circumstances? Honestly, I don’t even know.

December 16, 2018 by Dayna

Progress

Recently I stated that I had not made much progress in the last couple of years and that my blog was losing followers because of it. Well, when I woke this morning I knew that this was not true. It was as if I had been discussing it in my dreams and then woke up Knowing I had sold myself short by making that statement as it is most obviously NOT true.

This isn’t the first time this week that I’ve awakened having made a decision or with clarity on a situation/idea/consideration. Seems to be the current theme for me: Go to sleep, wake up with certainty. lol

Progress

The progress I’ve made in the last few years has been great compared to other years. Progress here is in consciousness expansion mostly. This morning I woke up recognizing that my recent telepathic connections with others both in Spirit and on the physical plane are probably very out of line with the experiences of most of the population of the world is in right now. Yes, there are some who share my experiences, but since I am a Wayshower then it would makes sense that others with similar experiences are in the minority right now.

Honestly, I feel much like I did in 2002/2003 when the ascension “movement” was still in it’s infancy. It was nearly impossible to find others like myself and when I did find them, they were so cautious that it was hard to make meaningful connections.

So where exactly am I when it comes to my spiritual progression? Well, that is hard to say since there is no specific timeline or “one size fits all” when it comes to ascension. Most of my experiences involve the Kundalini and as such have been quite intense and explosive at times.

From what I woke up Knowing, this is my individual progression:

Initial awakening (2002); sudden spiritual abilities appeared, connection with spirit guides instant and seeming to always be there, recognition of my origins, new identity (name change), spontaneous life decisions out of line with old personality (some would call this a Walk-in experience).
Spontaneous OBEs that led to conscious OBEs, lucid dreams, Spirit communication, spontaneous past life recall, medical intuition (seeing auras), premonitions, loss of time/disconnection with this reality, Kundalini psychosis, Dark Night of the Soul.
Period of general spiritual inactivity (about 7 years) also known as a hiatus. 🙂 Returned to “this reality” though still conscious of other realities, OBEs and spirit guide communication continued, spiritual abilities not actively used but not lost. Pursued a type of hypnosis that helped me resolve the barriers to progress. Ultimately these sessions helped even out the bumps and kinks in my consciousness and energy field so that I could resume work.
Gradual return and reintroduction to other realities mainly via OBEs. My OBEs became the gateway for communication with my guidance, ETs and others on this physical plane who were part of my Team. Multidimensional realities explored via OBEs, lucid and in-between states without the “psychosis” that resulted previously.
Kundalini returned mostly via OBEs and lucid dreams. A period of over a year of Kundalini dreams, ET encounters, multidimensional experiences, energetic phenomena that I can’t otherwise explain, and my first telepathic communications with others of my Team on this plane of reality.
Heart connection initiated and Kundalini surge beyond anything previously experienced. A heart connection, otherwise inaccurately known as Twin Flame, spured spiritual growth by magnifying and blasting through energetic blockages via the Kundalini. For me, this initiated a massive Ego death and catapulted me into consciousness expansion characterized by states of Divine Bliss, Oneness with All, tapping into universal consciousness, and other Divine states as written about by known Kundalini experiencers (i.e. Gopi Krishna).
Current period where I am learning to master my new Self, step into and fully function in what others call 5D reality. Part of this mastery involves experiencing a merged state with others on both the spiritual and physical planes (ultimately a combination of both). Thus far I have experienced another heart connection on the physical plane (I’ve had numerous ones with Spirit) where there was mutual telepathy via a merged state that was effortless, as if I had been doing it my whole life. The other part of this mastery is learning to integrate my new Self with others still functioning within 3D and 4D. This is perhaps the most difficult for me and I struggle with it every day. Finally, Kundalini has become my new “normal” and is so familiar to me now that I cannot imagine my life without it.

My understanding is that ultimately I will “master” my current level and move on to the next. What this next level is, I am not sure.

Like I already mentioned, I struggle the most with integrating my new Self with everything and everyone else around me. Thus, my blog tends toward this struggle more times than not. Since I am in the midst of this lesson, I am unable to see beyond it at times. Just because I have progressed this far doesn’t mean I am somehow immune to this physical reality and everything in it. Ascension has made me more capable, for sure, but Knowing is not the same as Being. I am still a spiritual Being living a human experience and right now that is more real to me than it ever has been!

December 12, 2018 by Dayna

Two Worlds Collide

It’s been a strange day….

I woke at around 10pm feeling as if I had slept the entire night but knowing I had just fallen asleep maybe 20 minutes prior. When I woke I was talking to a guide whose energy felt very substantial and powerful. There was a wisdom with him and his voice, though I couldn’t audibly hear it, felt deep and soul-resonating.

When we spoke I felt very much to be a student to him, or at least to be the one receiving guidance. I was asking him why I had to Remember and then not be allowed to retain the experience consistently throughout the remainder of my life. Why was I allowed to feel a deep connection to others but only temporarily? How can I go on Knowing what I Know?

He asked me to Remember why I am here. When he did, I felt why again and Knew that life as a human was meant to test. I am meant to feel disconnected so that I can have that perception and experience. I remember asking to not be human anymore. He then asked me to consider something. A vision of walking into a hotel room and finding my partner with another came to me. It was just a flash of memory but with it came an entire consideration that perhaps I am feeling what I am feeling because I intended to feel the way another had been made to feel by me? Maybe in another lifetime I was the one who felt betrayed and who fought to keep my partner from another? Maybe my partner was the one who was pining for someone they could never be with? That unrequited love feeling is definitely distinct.

Throughout our conversations there I had an odd feeling in my body. My entire right leg felt weird, like it was about to fall asleep but wasn’t quite there yet. I also felt weird energetically, like not quite connected to this body or realm. I ended up moving my body to rid myself of the feeling.

This particular energy sensation is fairly new to me but I have not mentioned it because I don’t know how to describe it exactly. I have felt it in random body parts – my right eye, my head and now my right leg. When the feeling comes on it feels uncomfortable and if I focus on it I feel that I might be ill or worse if it becomes anymore apparent. It never does, though, as I have learned to not focus on it and find that helps it to dissipate. It feels very wrong, like there is a mismatch between this body and my energy. There is also a metallic taste – that’s wrong word but don’t know how else to describe it. It’s an energetic “taste”.

That brings me to another topic. I was just explaining to my husband about how I seem to be able to “taste” energy. This is a new perception for me. I have come to recognize those I meet in Spirit (and for some in body as well) by their “energy signature”. This signature has distinct features that I perceive through a sense I have no name for and that is closest to that of the sense of taste. I explained to my husband that this “signature” is why we don’t need names to identify who we are when we are not in bodies. Our experiences imprint into our energetic field and act as our signature or fingerprint – soulprint. 🙂 When I have telepathically connected with others – merged with them – their soulprint is completely open and available to me. I can distinguish distinct “flavors” – personality, emotion, tendencies, etc. I perceive the “good” and the “bad” but all of it is exquisitely beautiful – like a tapestry or artwork. I see the Whole Self and am in awe of it. There is reverence felt for the person/soul.

Anyway, on to the rest of the weirdness of today….

I have been feeling different today. More than once while talking to others I have felt energetically “ill” to the point of it hitting me in physical ways. When I listen to someone talking for extended periods I feel it the most. It is a sick kind of wanting to fall to the ground or pass out. Like I am getting tasered by their energy. While listening to my boss describe something to me today I felt like this and after she left I got a headache.

I often feel this way when I first get to work in the morning and then it levels off after I’ve been there a few hours. Perhaps I am acclimating somehow to the energies?

Nonetheless, I think I am very wide open right now and picking up on others’ junk/energy.

I’ve also just had a weird feeling over all, similar to how I felt upon waking early in the night. At one point I wanted to just cry because I felt like I was losing my mind. it was short-lived – I composed myself quickly – but I have not felt anything like it in quite a while.

There was also a memory from years ago – 2003ish. It was of how I was told in advance by my guidance about a man I would meet. I was given his name and the specific date of our meeting. Later, after meeting him on the date given and being romantically involved with him, I noticed a piece of mail with his name on it and realized he went by his middle name and his first name was the one my guides told me! I had also met him on the exact date they had given me.

The sudden memory of this hit me all at once and sorta stunned me. Why have that memory? It was what I think threw me into that “I’m going crazy” feeling which brought me close to tears. It’s kind of a feeling of being ripped apart internally. Well, maybe that is a bit dramatic but in the moment it feels very disorienting at the least.

Now, at home and after spending time walking my dog and doing some yoga I feel much better. Sometimes I just don’t know what the f^%* is going on with the energy and ascension and, well the world! I live in two different worlds – one that seems to be mostly in my mind but I know it’s not – and the other one that everyone else seems to occupy. It’s days like today, though, when my own world seems to crash into the other world, when I struggle the most.

Just realized it is 12/12 today. Hahaha Maybe I fell through a portal…..

December 8, 2018 by Dayna

Slow Down and Turn In

It is clear to me that I am in an inactive, rest period right now. This realization came about first via a Knowing and then was validated via various synchronicities. As is my usual, I struggle against this perceive inactivity, but the messages I am receiving indicate that I can ride out this period by merely recognizing the gift that it is (rest, reflection, healing, preparation) by continuing to return to my center where continued guidance will be given.

Mornings are the roughest for me because when I wake I feel so much resistance boiling over to the point of anger and irritation. I recognize this is my Ego Child throwing one of her tantrums but it is very difficult to snap out of! Ultimately, I know this will all pass; that this period is meant to prepare me for the next “shake up” and that I need to make the most of it.

Last time I experienced a period like this I was not adequately prepared because I ignored my inner Knowing in regards to my physical body. Once again I am being reminded to take care of my physical body by not unduly taxing it. I have been running quite a bit while also lifting weights, falling into an old routine which is not good for my body. It does not give my body adequate rest and it neglects the emotional and spiritual. For example, my most recent runs have resulted in a pain in my right ankle. One of the tendons is strained and requires rest in order to heal. More running will only exacerbate the problem. It is a minor issue, really, but enough to alert me to what I have been ignoring – running in general needs to be limited to shorter distances and times.

Diet has also come up and so I am intending to shift my diet once again to make it cleaner and more refined. I hope I can do this successfully as when I feel stressed I tend to eat more sugars and carbohydrates. Having a glass of wine has become an almost a nightly routine. I don’t feel it is bad to have wine, but probably not every night, so I will be returning to my tea and saving the wine for occasional use.

I will still lift weights but only four times a week. On the other days I will tone it down with yoga, deep stretching and SMR (self-myofacial release).

I suspect spiritual experiences will be on the low end for a while to come. The Kundalini has been quiet, only coming up occasionally in dreamtime. OBEs are practically non-existent these days, as are lucid dreams. I don’t miss the latter much, but the Kundalini I long for – the connection and Divine bliss specifically. I understand that I am to connect to my core/center at this time and find balance within, which I am well-equipped to do and just need to make a habit of rather than falling into Ego-led despair.

Dreams have been vivid lately but seem to focus on healing and insight into life’s problems.

Dream: Reunion

This dream began on a road near where I grew up. My grandfather was with me. We stopped along the side of a the road and went along a path to get some ice cream (my grandfather loved Bluebell). When we got closer the path morphed into the inside of an office (measuring myself against another’s standards) building. I remember talking to my grandfather about our memories of the place, the ice cream (success in life) and the good times. He looked like he did when he was alive but before he started to go downhill with various ailments (neuropathy, dementia, emphysema).

My grandfather went ahead of me and I waited. A nice lady escorted him back to the place to get his ice cream. I watched her hold his arm and help him walk away and out a door straight ahead of me.

I looked around and walked to my left to explore the area because it was unfamiliar to me. As I walked the place morphed again and I found myself walking along the outside of a huge ship (exploration of emotion/subconscious). I looked down at my feet and saw the ship was covered in thick, green moss (slow progress, need patience). I thought, “It must be very, very old!” The edge I was walking on was narrow and very high up. So high in fact that I felt to be hovering above the entire world. Across from me on my left I could see other ships. They were enormous and loomed in the distance, ancient artifacts from a time long past. Most were white/gray and resembled aircraft carriers and other military ships. I remember thinking I was in a naval shipyard.

Looking ahead, I caught a glimpse of something moving very fast. Then I heard laughter and talking. Curious, I followed the sounds down to an area below deck. The area was still covered in green moss and there were teenagers of various ages lingering in the space. They seemed to be gathered there to hang out, play, etc. I remember thinking they were the children of soldiers and I greeted them warmly, asking them if I could hang out with them for a while. None of them seemed against it; all were friendly but most kept their distance and watched me closely. It felt as if they were uncertain if I was friend or foe.

Eventually I walked deeper into the ship. There I encountered a shop that was just about to close for the day. The decor was reminiscent of the 1950’s. A lady approached and smiled at me. She called me by name, saying, “It has been a long time! Good to see you!” I lingered around the store front, which was open to the rest of the room. We talked about the past, when I was a young girl, and my times with my grandfather coming to this place for ice cream and other sweets. In the dream I could see myself as this young girl, smiling with my Granddaddy and feeling special.

At some point my grandfather was there, too, and the dream become a blur of memories mixed with conversation. There was a shift back to the office space where I saw my grandfather return with the lady who had escorted him away. He had in his hand a huge, white object – a clove of garlic (protection against some barriers, overcoming barriers) the size of the palm of his hand and disc-shaped. He took a bite as if it was ice cream and smiled. I asked how it was and he indicated it was delicious, just as he remembered.

Interpretation

When I woke I knew I had seen my grandfather. The ships were indicative of his time in the Navy. He loved his sweets, especially ice cream. It felt like he had come to counsel me, or maybe to just catch up and chat. I did not feel sad in the dream, which was nice because usually I miss him very much when I see him in my dreams.

I believe his message was to use his own life as an example for me. The main message being to enjoy life and the “sweets” it has to offer. There was also the message that I will persevere via the garlic which symbolizes overcoming barriers. The shipyard seemed to indicate that he took me into his past and into his own emotional struggles, perhaps comparing them to my own. The patience theme of the moss was very memorable and distinct.

When I woke I felt sad and pessimistic. I was happy to have seen my grandfather again but at the same time I was discouraged because of the waiting game that I perceived I was/am in.

Dream: Helicopter Ride

In this dream my ex-husband (reflecting on past situations and comparing them to present) came for a visit and invited us to ride in his helicopter. Me, my daughter and youngest son got into the helicopter (new/different awareness) with him. As we flew we looked around at the scenery and enjoyed flying high above everyone and everything. He flew quite low at times, so low my toes skimmed the tops of trees. It was then that I realized there was no bottom (feeling exposed) and that I was somehow hovering in my seat. I remember asking him if I should wear a seatbelt (need to stay composed) and grabbing two straps on either side of me and buckling them while saying, “Oh, I found them.”

We kept flying and entered into a city where he landed in the corner of a courtyard. There were Mexican families in the area who gathered around, curious as to why a helicopter landed there. I remember hearing them speaking in Spanish yet understanding them. We got out of the helicopter for a bit to stretch our legs. I remember seeing a little Mexican girl and smiling at her.

We eventually all got back inside and took flight again. This time my youngest climbed into my lap and I buckled the seatbelt over both of us but it was a very tight fit (worried about my future). I remember looking closely at the inside of the helicopter – the rounded, metal sides and rivets. It was very small and round, almost like we were in a tiny sphere.

My ex hovered close to another area, this time amidst houses, to look for a place to land. I could see many Mexicans in the area and as we landed they came closer. This time they were mostly men and many of them were carrying machine guns (aggression). It felt hostile and as soon as we landed we took off again. One man with a gun opened fire on us. My ex turned his guns on the man and fired, hitting him and knocking him down. I remember thinking we had somehow landed in the middle of a dispute and been mistaken for the enemy (internal conflict).

Interpretation

This dream seems to be all about comparing the present to the past and learning from mistakes in order to not repeat them. The helicopter allows for me have new awareness -rise above – so that I can see what I otherwise would not see. In particular I see beauty, family (the Mexican families), and togetherness but I also see aggression, hostility and inner-conflict. There is a sense of needing to protect my children as well as myself. I believe the “Mexico” and “Spanish” parts are indicative of “going South”, which means that things are not working out well and are getting worse. The foreign language is all about feeling to be a “foreigner” in some way to the events going on in my life. Yet I am able to understand the language which means I feel capable of handling the unfamiliar.

November 11, 2018 by Dayna

Converging Timelines

So the long anticipated 11-11-11 is today. How do you feel? I feel normal. Yesterday I was high on life. Today a little less high but not low either. Neutral. It feels once again like a transition period, a flowing from one condition or state to another. Perhaps this is the very definition of “portal”? It seems fitting to me anyway.

I was told not along ago in a dream that 11-11-11 was the date of a “convergence”. At the time I had no idea what it meant and even speculated that perhaps it was for 2019 because in the dream the calendar I saw seemed to be a year in the future. Today, though, I’ve concluded that this convergence is the converging of timelines; a reconstitution of what was with what IS. For me, personally, this has been experienced by taking what was good and real/true from the past and pulling it forward to merge with this present timeline. All those things from the past that I’ve held onto or that have been destructive, have been laid to rest. I choose what I keep and discard, of course. We all do.

The method of deciding what to keep and discard came from looking at things that were painful to me and finding the source/truth behind that pain. Why am I still hurting? Is it based upon a lie? When I inspect it using my heart as my microscope, what do I see?

Surprisingly I discovered the basis of it all was the same as it had always been. It remained unchanged and solid despite my wanting to disassemble it with doubt. I could close off my heart and pretend it was all a dream but that didn’t make it so. It just meant it was hidden, faked out until my heart protested so loud I could not ignore it any longer.

The True Self always shines through no matter how much it is buried. The heart cannot be killed, only injured. Wounds can be healed. And the song on my mind this morning echos this message: “We’re not broken, just bent and we can learn to love again”.

The Nature Remedy

Yesterday was a really good day for me. As I have mentioned recently, this crazy all-over-the-place energy seems only to respond to one treatment – nature. I have been feeling called outside since the end of October and yesterday was no different. So I went for a trail run and spent about two hours immersed in nature. I encountered few other humans (four hikers and a mountain biker) and at least a dozen deer.

It was eerily silent on the trail. So much so that when I stopped and just listened it would trigger a tiny panic inside that was fueled by imaginings of getting lost, hurt or worse and not able to get help. When I looked at the panic I realized it came from my past trips into the Rockies in Montana. The sounds on the trail in the present mimicked those past experiences so much that it transported me to the past. Of course, the hill country of Texas is nothing like Montana and it was easy to laugh off. Instead I relished the familiarity of being surrounded by nature and feeling small and powerless to the elements/wildlife rather than in control of them. It is humbling but beautiful because with acceptance you feel One with it all, which is how it is suppose to be.

It was so enjoyable that I daydreamed about spending the entire day on the trail. It felt so much more aligned with who I am than getting back in my car and driving to suburbia!

Here are some pictures from the trail. It was overcast and cold (49°). When I got to the car I looked like I had been in a fight with a tree and lost. Hair a mess and filled with tiny needles from cedar trees (junipers). LOL

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I spent the remainder of the day after this trail run laying around and recuperating. 8 miles of running will do that. 🙂 The tiredness sent me to bed early and led to a dreamless sleep. However, I did have some conversations with my partner/guide upon waking. I need to share a previous dream for them to make sense, though.

Dream: Garage Room (11/09/18)

This dream is fuzzy now. In the beginning I saw a row of corn (domestic bliss and harmony) that stood as tall as a person. It lined the edge of a garden. I remember noticing a large mustard plant (success and wealth) growing where a corn plant should be. I mentioned to someone that it looked like a weed but rather than pull it, I looked closely at it, noting how it was flourishing. I didn’t want to pull a plant that was doing well unless it was hindering the growth of the corn, which it wasn’t.

Near the garden I saw a downed fence (barriers/obstacles) and heard a dog barking (grumpiness, disgruntled companion) persistently on the other side of it. I went to investigate and saw a standard poodle (upper class attitude) chained (feeling retrained) to a post. It was barking so ferociously that it broke the chain (released) and came running at me. I wasn’t afraid, though, and let it yip at my feet. The owner of the dog had come out and was watching from the stoop of her house. I thought it odd that she would just let the fence lay there on the ground and not do something to fix it so that her dog could be contained.

The dog quieted and licked my hand (protection, fidelity) as I walked toward the woman. She took me inside the house (self) and I saw that it was very small, like one bedroom. I could see all the rooms from the center of the house. Through the window I could see that the house had a very small yard and was positioned in such a way that it was at the end of a dead-end street. The woman said that the yard was maintained by the subdivision and that her husband only had to tend to the small patch of grass where the dog had been.

I noticed a den (work, efficiency) along the side of the living room (boundary between public and private self). It had closet (keeping something hidden) doors on it and on the other side was the laundry room inside the bathroom (cleansing). I remember thinking it big enough to be considered a second bedroom (private self, sexual nature). Inside the den there was a strange ledge. I was told it was to allow for the parked car in the garage. I realized the room was actually part garage (inactivity, idleness, feeling lack of direction) and not big enough to be a bedroom after all.

Vision and Message

When I woke this morning and had no dream memories I lingered in bed for a while. My partner in Spirit was close and reassuring me that what I want will manifest. As we talked I fell into the in-between. I was running along a dirt trail when I came upon a field of mustard in bloom. Underneath the tall mustard grass I could see old, gray tombstones – a cemetery. Seeing this brought me out of my reverie quickly. My guide told me that he was there to help; that he wanted me to have what I want in life and was there to help it manifest. It was reassuring to me to have him so close, to know I am not alone.

To dream of being in a cemetery symbolizes the end to a habit or behavior; the experience of a rebirth. It can be sadness, unresolved grief and/or fear of death, too. The feeling of this particular cemetery was that something is being “put to rest”.

Mustard symbolizes success and wealth. This is in contrast to the dream (above) where there was just one mustard plant blooming alongside rows of corn. It seems the success part is growing exponentially.

Alongside the cemetery symbolism, the message seems to be that when something is put to rest – dies – something new can be born. This something new, symbolized by the mustard plants, bring success. That is a message I am glad to receive! I am not sure what is “dying” here, though, but most certainly it is related to the past.

November 10, 2018 by Dayna

Extreme Energy

The energy lately has been all over the place. I wish it would just make up it’s mind already! My sleep patterns are most impacted. I wake often throughout the night and then wake up at 4:30-5am and can’t go back to sleep. My emotions seem to go with energy – high, low, neutral, zoned out/bored. The last few days I’ve been all over the place with fluctuations so frequent that I wonder about my sanity! Getting outside has helped, but only temporarily. I often find myself daydreaming about going camping for a few days by myself just to ground out this energy and feel somewhat sane. Sadly, I can’t do that with my husband in N.Y. leaving me once again with all the responsibility on my shoulders.

To give you a taste of how the energy is impacting me, the other morning I woke inundated with memories from the past and feeling urged to dig up things that I had been avoiding. I had a few indications from the Universe that I needed to stop avoiding, but did I listen? Nah. I avoided all I could until the messages started coming through.

The first message was this:

While making breakfast I cracked open a double yolked egg. I hadn’t seen one in ages and knew right away it was a message, so I snapped a pic and looked up the meaning. Seems it can mean several things – fertility, good luck, pregnancy. The last doesn’t apply to me, of course, but it can mean someone close to you is pregnant, which is true (SIL). I saw it as a sign related to what I was being urged to do, something related to soul family connections and Oneness (2 are 1 type symbology). Of course, it could be good luck I suppose. That would be welcomed, too.

Right around that same time I saw 20-20 somewhere but I can’t recall where. I don’t see that number combination often either so I took note. 20-20 means clarity of some kind is present. This sign finally got me to listen and do what I was being urged to do.

So I got to digging deep and allowing thoughts, considerations, and emotions to surface as best I could. It was difficult because my daughter had the stomach flu and was home from school for two days, thus distracting me quite a bit as you can imagine. It took me two days to sift through past crap!

Then, yesterday, after all was said and done, I was feeling a bit neutral, as if in a void or transition period, when the electricity suddenly went out for no reason. I happened to look at the time and it was 11:11am. My first thought was it was not a good sign. In fact, I still believe so. In my mind electricity = Kundalini = Divine Connection. So the message I felt was that the “power has been cut” and the connection is “dead”. Yeah, not so good.

Later last night the weather shifted, the temperature dropped drastically, it got windy and began to rain. Then the power went out yet again for no apparent reason. So like the energy lately, weather here in Texas is bipolar! Earlier this week it was warm and humid with highs the 70’s and low 80s and now it is in the low 50s, rainy and windy.

The next morning I felt very pessimistic. That void of nothingness was visiting me again. I hate the void. It’s a vast empty feeling and it exacerbates my tendency to feel sorry for myself and want to opt out of life. I know it is just a phase, one I go through often, but still it is hard not to fall into “poor me” thinking.

Yesterday at work I felt odd. There were moments where I thought for sure I would collapse in a heap on the floor from a sense of internal imbalance. This happened only a few times. There was also this odd throat chakra energy that spanned from my high heart all the way into my mouth making it feel as if I was choking. Both sensations seemed not to be mine, but another’s. It was as if I was tuned into someone else and thus taking on what they were feeling.

Then, in the middle of the day and quite unexpectedly, I received a blast of love straight to my heart. I felt a communication coming through just prior to it. It was as if someone was checking in, saying “Hey, how are you doing? Just wanted to say I love you and am thinking of you.” How I even heard it, I don’t know because I was completely immersed in my work. The love was so beautiful that I immediately became physically hot and tears streamed down my cheeks. They were happy tears, though. I was overjoyed. Yet, the tears were also fearful, fearful of losing that love and connection. And then there was this underlying hurt like an open wound. All I wanted to do was make it better.

So as you can see I’ve been all over the place. This energy is like no other. It seems to be pushing me through a veil of my own making.

Thankfully, I am not physically ill or experiencing any major symptoms. In fact, I was just thinking how healthy I have been this year compared to previous years. No stomach flu, no major colds or sinus infections. It has been really nice!

Now onto last night’s dreams….

Dream: Flying Lessons

I was on the beach (meeting of two states of mind) with a group of people, all young and hopeful. I remember seeing the ocean to my left and feeling carefree and happy to be there on the beach. I was jumping (need to take a risk; go for it) up really high into the air and the group was astonished at how high I could jump. They were all jumping, too, but not nearly as high. I slowed and showed them how I was doing it, evening lingering in the air for a bit. The sensation of flying was very memorable and joyful. I don’t know how I didn’t become lucid from all the flying.

Mini-Dream

Dreamed of going into the bathroom (cleansing) to get the laundry for washing. When I went to pick up the clothes baby roaches (need to evaluate something, uncleanliness) came out. I noticed that some of the clothes were very wet (emotion), all of them were my husband’s. I was upset with him for tossing wet clothes in the hamper (avoiding emotion and cleansing) and allowing it to sit so long that roaches were making a nest.

Dream: Loving Myself

This dream began in a convertible (feeling powerful) driving up a mountain road. We stopped and I climbed out. With me was a dark haired man and woman, a couple I seemed to know and be related to. There was a gift bag (receiving a gift) in the passenger seat containing new clothing for a woman, tags still on. Underneath the clothing (outward appearance) was a ton of money (success) – $100 bills in $1000 bunches. I asked where it came from and the man said his dad must have put it there. It felt like the man’s father was a mob boss or in crime (inner conflict) and the son was inadvertently doing work for him. I suggested we leave the money in another car and only take one bunch of $100 bills just to be safe. I kept picturing the couple getting in trouble for something they didn’t know they were doing. I placed the money under the driver’s seat in another car.

I noticed some abandoned trailers (burdens) nearby and grew curious suggesting we explore them. Without hesitating I went inside one noticing it had been gutted. The floor moved (instability) whenever the wind blew outside and so I was very cautious as I walked through the trailer, telling the couple to be careful. It looked like the trailer was breathing. There was a white table with chairs in the center of the trailer. Along the right wall was a door. When I opened it there was a bathtub (cleansing) inside and nothing else. A tiny window allowed viewing of whoever was inside the tub. Next to this was an open room with a viewing glass spanning the length of the room. Inside the room was lined with plush, velvet pillows piled along daybeds lining the perimeter. I could see sex toys specifically for men in the room. Several were clear latex vagina-looking sex toys. I remember commenting that it must an orgy room. I remember thinking that it was a sex ring and feeling I should leave.

As I began to leave I heard noise indicating people were arriving. I tried to leave without being seen, not wanting to be associated with such a place, but as I went through the door I bumped into a man. I remember seeing his face as I paused to move out of his way. He had this expectant, excited look. Confused I sought what was making him look so excited and realized both of my breasts (feminine sexuality) were exposed. They were way bigger then in normal life, so big they covered my belly button. I moved past him and outside, looking for a place to hide. I could hear more people entering the establishment and so hid alongside the outside of the trailer hoping no one would see me.

As I sat in the cool grass (ease, healing), pushed up against the side of the trailer, a small girl approached me. She had blonde hair and blue eyes. She began to talk to me asking me why I was hiding. She was small, maybe 10 years old, and very innocent and curious. She came up and said, “Hi! Why are you over here all alone? Are you a teacher? All the teachers are in this section, not that in that one.” She pointed to the one I just left. The other section, was reserved for others, I can’t remember what she called them now. Students maybe. I told her I didn’t think I was a teacher.

She asked me, “Will you be my teacher?” I didn’t know quite what she meant and hesitated to answer. The girl snuggled close to me and began to touch me gently, tracing her fingers along the bare skin of my arm. I could feel what she was feeling and she was appreciating me, thinking me beautiful. I also sensed that she felt she was suppose to act a certain way, a very adult way. It made me feel sorry for her. I thought she must have grown up around the sex ring, seeing much more than a child her age should see. I was upset at her father for bringing her to such a place. How could he do that to his daughter?

Then I remember her climbing on top of me and kissing me on the lips. It was a closed mouth kiss and the feeling was that she was playing, practicing what she had seen others do. I played along but was a bit in shock, still feeling sorry for her but not judging her or rejecting her. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

After a few more similar kisses she grabbed my hand and put it on her crotch. She asked me to touch her there. When she did this I froze. I was overcome with such sadness realizing she had likely been molested to even know of such things. Yet the girl was still so innocent and trusting of me, she had no shame and I could tell she felt it was the right thing to do. She was literally trying to please me.

At this point she was laying on top of me. I could see her bare back in such detail – the tiny hairs, the tanned skin, the way her back curved up to her shoulders. I thought her very beautiful, amazingly so. It reminded me of my own body when I was her age. I think at this point in the dream I identified with this little girl, it felt like she was a part of me.

I slowly pulled my hand away from her genital region, telling her very gently, “No”. I could feel her in detail, as if I had touched her there a million times. Again, she felt like me and the sense of this was strange, as if I stopped time and merged the past and present. I felt only love and compassion. My intention was to nurture, love and protect her.

Then I did something unexpected. I took her hand and put it in my crotch like she had done to me. I said, “Here. Like this.” She seemed to immediately know what I was asking and she inserted her finger into my vagina. When she did this my root chakra began to activate and my lucidity peaked. I didn’t wake up right away, though. Instead, I remember feeling a bit confused as to what I was experiencing but not protesting it or pushing it away, though I wanted to because to be with a child like that is wrong. Yet I sensed whatever was occurring was healing and so I didn’t interfere.

When I woke my root chakra was intensifying, the energy just beginning to move up into my second chakra. I knew that the dream girl was me, maybe my inner child, the innocent version of me who only knew love and wanted to be loved. There were no feelings of shame or guilt, just pure expression and exploration. There was no way I could criticize her but I did feel a sadness for her. I was sad that she knew so much at such a young age. She only wanted to please but had been taught that sex was the primary way to please another.

Considerations

The discussion upon waking was centered around self-love. I was instructed to focus inward to find what I was seeking and not focus on the surging energy in my root chakra. I shifted positions and the energy in my root gradually dissipated. I could feel energy in other areas – my head and heart specifically. The conversation was mostly telepathic; a Knowing replaced words. What I was told was that I still had some healing to do, but that I was very close.

Yesterday I was wondering about something that may have come up in this dream for inspection. I wondered what others would answer to this question: Which would you pick – a relationship and true partnership with another built upon a foundation of love and support, or a life filled with material security, never wanting for anything, but devoid of deep connection and love?

I remember thinking that I have always chosen the latter, so I have no memory of the former manifesting. It seems that survival trumps love, that I have opted time and time again to forgo love for security. Yesterday I was thinking my choices have been denying me exactly what I need/want/deserve in life. Perhaps the dream with the little girl was showing me a piece of myself that has been covered up and denied for too long? Showing me that she misunderstood love and needed to be taught what love really is?

When I first experienced a heart-connection the end of 2015, a vision (or memory?) came to me that seemed impossible until that time. The feeling with this vision/memory was the most memorable. In the vision I saw myself upset, standing in front of the stove trying to cook dinner. I was frustrated, feeling all kinds of emotion and becoming angry for the inability to cope. My partner came up from behind and wrapped his arms around me. I could feel from him this overwhelming love, understanding and support as he held me. All my upset and resistance melted away and a deep calm enveloped me. I stood there letting the food overcook, falling into his energy knowing everything would be okay. It felt more like a memory than a vision of what was to come, though it may have been both. I knew in that instant that love like that was possible and available to me. Before that I had no concept of love like that. Up to that point, love had always been an exchange built upon mutual dependence/need.

The more I learn what real love is, the more my choice to the above question changes. I am getting close to being able to completely change my answer because it feels like choosing the first option – love – brings just as much, if not more, security than the second.

November 6, 2018 by Dayna

Play!

When I woke this morning I was a bit down about something that I got over rather quickly. I think I must have been mulling over the idea that the ascension process somehow turns us into “new” individuals; like in the end the person transforming isn’t themselves anymore but someone else. I thought to myself, “That was me and this is me. I am still me and always will be.”

It is understandable that I would think through this process that I would “magically transform” into someone new and unrecognizable from the person I once was. In many ways, I am very different, but the core of my personality, of who I AM, has not changed one bit. Yes, I’ve been through some intensely transformative experiences, ones where I shifted so much into my HS that I felt the old me literally shed and fall off like old clothing. I’ve shed many layers through similar experiences over the years, but every.single.time I come back to my core self and to a more balanced distribution of HS and lower self.

With this consideration that I will transform into someone new came the assumption that this “new” person will ultimately change everything else in their life to match. There is so much talk online about how we must drop anything that is of a “lower vibration” -all connections with people, places and things which no longer align with who we are – that is easy to assume that means, in the end, our lives look completely different than prior to the transformation. And maybe this is true for some people. It certainly seems so if you focus primarily on those writing about ascension, the Shift, etc. But what about all those others going through this process who have not dramatically changed everything about themselves and their lives as a result? Are they not transformed just as intensely?

Ultimately, I realized that I had this idea that I am not transformed unless I make drastic changes to my life so that I can live in tune with my new, higher vibration. It’s like I think one cannot come without the other which it total BS. I mean really, whose to say that I am not already in line? If I weren’t, I would be shifting away from where I am. If something doesn’t feel right, I look at it, adjust it and continue on; therefore, I am always fine tuning my life to align with my vibration – my heart/soul/core. I don’t have to use my spiritual gifts full-time or sell everything, buy and RV and drive around the country helping those I happen across. I don’t have to go to ceremonies or gather in groups with others of the “Light” (which we all are BTW) or write a book, hold a class, give a lecture, make a video, etc. I don’t have to divorce my husband, leave my family and move across the country to Mt. Shasta (which I thought of doing!) or some other place (like TN) in order to somehow be this “new improved” version of myself.

I could do any of those things. I could. But honestly the only thing I should do is what feels right to me. If it doesn’t feel right in the end, then I am missing something and to act without full [self-] awareness would be unwise.

I was a bit down to discover my faulty thinking but then I forgave myself for it is only human to put conditions on everything. “If ________ happens, then _______ will happen” is conditional thinking. My guidance has brought this to my attention before! I remember, too, and I do try to stay aware of the conditions I place on myself, my life and others. Yet, it still happens. It is everywhere, unfortunately, and these conditions can really wreak havoc on our lives if we don’t seek them out. They can trap us, and do trap us.

If you are feeling unbalanced, unhappy, or dissatisfied in some way, there is likely some kind of conditional thinking underneath it all that is to blame.

Now that I think of it, maybe I was discussing this very topic in my dreams last night because one dream in particular comes up.

Dream

The dream began inside a house (own soul/self). The house was full of people I knew. There was a man who had two babies (innocence, new beginnings), twins (duality) I think. One was in distress, stuck inside a small box with wire over the front. I went up to the baby to console him and the baby pushed on the door and it opened. He was free. I said to the baby, “You freed yourself! Good job!” I snuggled with the baby. He was wearing only a diaper and looked to be around 12 months old.

The father was an older man with a gray beard. As I held both babies, talking baby talk to them both and just generally snuggling and loving them, I asked the father if he was going to have anymore babies. He said that he was not because he couldn’t. I saw an image of his lower regions and heard “fixed” but I do not think it was physical but something spiritual because I saw energy/nadis running through his penis and testicles.

There is a section of the dream where I am in a hallway. I am talking to my husband who is finishing up a very elaborate mural on the wall. I recognize the images. They are giant replications of my Oracle deck. There are at least six cards painted next to each other covering the wall from floor to ceiling. I comment on how beautiful they are and how I painted the originals. I remember thinking they looked better on the wall than on the tiny canvas’ I used.

Then I was fiddling with my purse (identity and sense of self) and pulled out a folded piece of paper. I opened it up and it was a letter (communication from subconscious) from someone I knew. I looked up and saw her across the room watching me. She was a young woman, approximately 25, with brown hair and eyes. The letter had two pages. The first was just a note and the second was an entire page of Light Language. I realized as I was looking it over that she had written me to share her revelation and seek counsel on how to develop her gifts.

For some reason I decided I didn’t need or want this girl’s letter anymore. Light Language seemed insignificant to me, as if it was just a silly hobby. I folded it back up and got up to throw it in the trash (release, let go). As I got to the can I saw the girl was sitting very close to it and watching me. Not wanting to hurt her feelings, I quickly changed my mind about tossing the letter. I pretended I had a runny nose, sniffled and used the folded note to wipe (let go of past) my nose.

The dream grows hazy here. Mostly I remember flashes of things I have done in the past. I saw my paintings and the Oracle deck they later became a part of. I saw the Light Language I had written and channeled. I saw the walk-in group I gathered with in TN and Shasta. These all flashed very quickly through my mind and then I heard someone speaking to me, listing off the answer selections to a multiple choice question. I can’t remember the selections now because I woke up.

Play!

The sadness hit me upon waking. It felt like all the things I had done in the past were in an attempt to fill in the blanks of that condition I placed upon myself. How much of it was true to me? And how much was me attempting to transform myself into something I thought I should be? In looking back on my feelings, I can’t help but think that much, if not all of it, was me attempting to find myself and, like the portion of the dream involving the letter, ultimately just a phase that has long since passed.

But then, isn’t life composed of passing phases of self-exploration? Isn’t that why we come into life? To experience ourselves? So, it is not that all of my experiences were some futile attempt to re-create myself. No. They were me learning who I am via exploration and experimentation. This is what we (spirit in human form) do. Children do it all the time (play!). Adults, not so much. We just let ourselves get stuck in the condition rather than moving through it when it has served it’s purpose. We keep ~~playing~~ trudging through a game long after we find it boring or pointless.

I guess the question now is: What games do I want to play presently? What brings about a longing in my heart to explore and experiment?

If I am honest with myself about this question then I guess I would like more experiences involving the bliss state. I want to see if I can remain neutral through intensely pleasurable experiences and intensely painful experiences alike. I want to test my own limits, physically and spiritually. Travel would be nice, especially locations where I can be out in nature, and ideally with someone who I enjoy being with.

November 3, 2018 by Dayna

Peaks and Valleys

The last few days I underwent a mini-transformation from sad and unmotivated to happy and content with life. Many lessons packed into a small period perhaps? Or maybe I am just learning? 🙂

I’ve been watching Westworld and the last few episodes of season 2 seemed to speak to me regarding my spiritual path and the ascension of mankind in general. The main message was that we have been programmed, running on a specific loop for lifetimes and that the only way to free ourselves from this program is to 1. be aware of it and 2. seek to alter the programming. We, of course, have the forgetfulness of being human to deal with causing us delays and throwing us back into the loop time and time again. However, ascension will eventually reverse the forgetfulness in a way as to allow us to have more memory and thus work toward changing our programming.

Anyway, having some odd dreams lately with a “hamburger” theme of all things!!!

11/01/2018

Woke in a sour mood with a song in my head – never danced like this before, we don’t talk about it, do the boogie all night long, stoned in paradise, shouldn’t talk about it….

For the second night in a row I woke more times than I could count in the night. I knew the song was reminding me that I was avoiding something – not talking about something. I immediately softened and focused inward and was covered in warm energy that radiated outward from my core.

Dream: Hamburger Flower

I had several dreams that all blended together. I recall one where I was grocery shopping with a very rambunctious girl (retarded maybe?). I remember going to buy veggies, specifically Kohlrabi and then on to the meats section.

There was another dream in a restaurant where I met up with a woman friend but it is hazy now, too. I just remember joining her at a table and also sitting at another table with two black guys. I think I was black in this dream as well and likely reconnecting with someone I knew in the past since I was on the phone with a black woman friend. I remember seeing a whole history of a Dodge Caravan purchase and the trade-in and everything. The comments made were that it smelled so good in comparison to the old vehicle. lol Note: On the way to work I kept noticing minivans (burdens/responsibilities of taking care of a family).

Then I was traveling with my husband. There is a whole part of the dream that is foggy here. I think I was in an RV part of the way. We stopped to get food at a cafe. I ordered a special hamburger (lacking something to become whole) that had a “2” in it, like 2C or something. My husband got his order long before me and sat in the wrong place. I had chosen a seat on the other side of the room and taken my fries (do not overlook the minuscule things in life) there. Eventually I retrieved my fries from the table which now had a group of young people sitting at it. They handed me my fries in a green (healing, love) napkin (good news) and I took them and joined my husband.

When my burger arrived it looked odd. There were six patties, one in the center and five others fanned out around it like a flower’s petals (broken relationship, regret or guilt). In the center was a fried egg (something new is about to happen). All this was on one half of a bun.

Peaks and Valleys

When I woke I was unhappy and feeling like I had a lot of time to pass before anything substantial happened. I kept thinking of the dream I had (Akashic library) where I was shown how my spiritual progress was organized throughout this life. I saw the rolling waves across the years indicating times of spiritual intensity followed by nothing spiritual (seemingly) for a time. This pattern repeated over and over. I did not see the spiritual periods increasing or intensifying or showing higher levels than the previous. It was very consistent and predictable. I thought later about how it may indicate that right now I am in one of the valleys of boring, mundane life. I could see the pattern playing out and thought that maybe I should just accept it and not concern myself during these “low” times but rather just forget and move on with in it.

11/2/18 Dream – Reprogramming

The first dream I remember of the night is very fuzzy now. I mostly remember talking about programming with one of my guides. I also recall there being space in between activity, like a strobe light without the visuals. I also recall intense root chakra energy that snaked all the way up to my heart. It did not wake me but was memorable enough for me to pause and enjoy it.

The discussion with my guide is mostly what remains. In summary, we talked about how focus/fixation on pleasure and avoidance of pain was being worked through. The intermittent waves of spiritual intensity mixed with mundane periods was meant to help me see and correct a pattern. My reaction should be neutral regardless of where I am on the spectrum of emotion/sensation. The goal is to not impatiently wait for the desired, pleasurable,exciting phases while also not resisting the boring and mundane phases and learn to integrate the two so that the “waves” become less and less noticeable and I am flowing in a straight line with little variation. The key is to put my attention on this neutral state, which after all is “bliss” in and of itself. To remain in bliss throughout the up’s and down’s. To do this, I have to learn to be the observer in life, to listen to that inner voice at all times. A part of me dislikes this information because I really do love the intense bliss arousal state. The boring states are not as big of an issue for me, nor is the pain so much.

Dream: Disqualified

In the next dream I was in a kitchen preparing hamburgers (learn from experience, lack of fulfillment) for the group. I was part of a group similar to the Bachelor where women and men were interacting and eventually would pair up. It felt like, for me at least, I was choosing between 5 different men. The hamburgers were for them. As I cooked I looked at the patties browning, scooping them up one by one and placing them on buns. I specifically took two patties and placed them next to each other on a bun. The other three patties were then placed on their own buns. The buns were too big for the patties. There remained one bun with nothing on it.

All the men were grateful, I remember them saying so. We then lay down to watch a movie. I can’t remember it now but I remember seeing a man and knowing he was my partner, the one I was meant to be paired with. The Knowingness was strong. Seeing him sparked a memory. I went to him and we just stared into each other’s eyes. We spoke without words, connecting fully.

I lay in his arms as we watched the movie, aware of our connection and discussing telepathically with him how we would share our bond with the group. I remember saying that we would just let them know we had paired up. That was the purpose of this group after all? We were snuggled together very happy and comfortable for a while. I mostly remember the soft pillows (comfort, support) and his arms wrapped around me.

At some point after this I became aware of water (emotion) seeping into the space. It was coming through the walls, the cabinets, everything. There was concern here and I remember trying to get out of the room (aspect of Self) because that was the source of the water.

Outside the men were waiting and everyone was staring at me. I was told by those in charge that I had been disqualified and needed to pack my things and leave. As I was leaving, I looked up at a concrete (solid, unyielding) roof (barrier between states of consciousness) over the door. It was dripping water (emotion). I took it down with my mind revealing the clear sky above.

I turned and noticed the group standing and watching me. My partner was passed out (unaware, not wanting to know) in a heap on the ground. I went to retrieve him, holding him in my arms concerned for him because he was not waking up. What was odd is that he transformed so that I was holding a very large sloth (lack of ambition, passivity, laziness) with a neck that was very thin like that of a bird. His head had large eyes and his mouth often looked like a beak (interference, annoyance). I carried him with me, cradling his head to try and keep it from dangling on the long neck (indecision). I asked the other men where his spot/bed was. I walked along a line of men, their individual rooms were chairs (feelings or ideas being dismissed or cast aside) all along a long table that stretched against the wall. Each section was separated by a wall (separateness) and it was very prison-like and institutional (analytical). I felt very sad for the men knowing their areas were so stark in comparison to the women’s dorm room were all women slept together and had beds (connection with self and others).

I asked where my partner’s space was, saying a name I can’t recall. I was pointed to a space and I set him down in his chair (feelings/ideas cast aside) thinking it a bad place for him to sleep (unaware). His head (over-thinking weighing him down) hit the floor a few times and I thought he must be dead.

A woman was there and told me that my partner likely took some medication (avoidance) that caused him to sleep. She said he would be fine once it wore off. I watched as he began to wake up, turning once again into a man. He seemed unaffected and perfectly fine, smiling as if nothing had happened. I left feeling like he was too far gone to come with me. It felt as if he was unreachable and I wondered about the symbolism as I woke, becoming more lucid with each consideration.

Adele song lyrics were in my head – Nevermind I’ll find someone like you…..I wish nothing but the best for you. Don’t forget me, I begged. I remember you said, “Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”.

Considerations

I had a guide close when I woke. I asked to be allowed out of this life/path. He told me I could not, that I had gone past the point of no return and must finish what I started. We talked about my dreams. My words reflected the conversations of the night. He asked me what I thought of the sloth dream. I only remember feeling sad, like so much time was needed to get men into the right state to be in balance with the feminine. That is what the dream seemed to indicate to me, that men were still a long way away from resolution – being sloth-like, drugged and avoidant. And women were grieving heavily, aware but unable to get the men to wake, thus the water seeping through the walls and me carrying my sloth-partner around trying to protect him from harm.

I remember my guide telling me that I could not rush things else I would harm myself. The harm here is physical and emotional, not spiritual. There is great risk in being vulnerable with the wrong person. I was reassured that I would find what I seek but that I need to be patient. Time seemed so much like my enemy.

My realization was to once again seek what I am looking for inside myself. My focus had shifted prior to bed and remained so upon waking. I could feel the connection with my guide. It was like a warm all-over buzzing/vibrating. I mentioned it and he said, “You have always felt it. It is always there.” With this I knew that if I continued to look inward that connection would be there, connection to All, and with that the bliss.

Anxiety

On Friday I went to eat with a group of coworkers, all men, to a burger bar and grill place. I had a few incidences of feeling way too wide open which resulted in mild panic that I quickly reeled in. It was odd, though, since I haven’t felt anxiety/panic in a while. When the sensation hit I would want to run or get out of the space. Just odd. I kept trying to figure where or who the feeling was coming from but I couldn’t. Eventually it subsided but only right before leaving.

What is really strange about going to this burger place is that one guy, whose birthday we were celebrating, ordered a burger with a fried egg on it. It reminded me of both the hamburger dreams above, especially the one where I ordered one with a fried egg on top! So odd…..

Feeling Blessed

Despite the strange ascension symptoms I’ve been having, it seems that I am shifting once again and finding my center. I feel stable and strong, healthy and vibrant. Just today I felt like I could live forever I felt so good, but that was after a trail run. With all the energy craziness lately I have been outside quite a bit. It is the only thing that helps right now. If I am feeling off in any way I get outside as soon as I can and feel almost instantly better.

Some of my “symptoms”:

Pain in my right shoulder – radiates into my wrist sometimes, comes and goes.
Headaches – come on suddenly and then stop just as suddenly.
Eczema.
Tiredness, on and off.
Interrupted sleep.
Telepathy
Synchronicities
Mild anxiety/panic

The telepathy with my husband is the strangest by far. I don’t normally pick up on his thoughts as clear as I have been. For example, on Thursday I took the car to pick up the kids and he stayed at work. His plan was to catch a ride home with his brother. While I was going to grab a few things at the store I thought, “I need to go pick up ____”. I thought this cheerfully and then shut down the thought because I knew he was catching a ride. I actually had this same thought two more times after as well. Thirty minutes later he calls as I am leaving the store and says, “I forgot to tell my brother I needed a ride and he left already. Can you come pick me up?” LOL

There was another incident of a similar nature but I can’t remember it now. It had to do with getting something and I did it before he asked because I heard in my head that I needed to get it! WTF? It was actually very, very cool. 🙂

Today’s trail run was so uplifting and wonderful. My husband came along and I remember thinking how nice it was to have him in my life. I can call on him to hang out with me anytime I want and he will. I am never alone unless I want to be. I do enjoy his company most of the time and he is the first person I ask when I want to go do something. I can’t imagine not having anyone to call upon, to hang out with, etc. I should not take it for granted as there are so many who have no one. I am truly blessed. Truly.

Here are some shots from the run. The monarchs were out today again. It made the entire experience such a de-Light. 🙂