The same day I blogged about how my ex reminded me of a snake, I nearly stepped on one on my morning walk. It was a garter snake. I had the opportunity to catch it but decided to let it be.
Later the same day, on my afternoon walk with my daughter, I saw a Great Blue Heron in the creek. It let us get really close and though it flew away, it came back twice after and other people stopped to take its photos. I wondered after if the heron may have seen the little snake. I know they eat them.
From Ted Andrews iconic book on animal totems called “Animal Speak”:
“The blue heron is a totem (symbol) of someone who has chosen to claim their life as their own. According to North American Native tradition, the Blue Heron brings messages of self-determination and self-reliance. It represents an ability to progress and evolve. The long thin legs of the heron reflect that even though we must be able to stand on our own, we don’t need legs that are great massive pillars to remain stable.
Blue Herons have the innate wisdom of being able to maneuver through life and co-create their own circumstances.
If the Blue Heron has shown up as your totem, it reflects your need to follow your own unique wisdom and path of self-determination. You know what is best for yourself, and need to follow your heart rather than the promptings of others. You probably sit calmly while the rest of us lose patience. And when you choose to follow the promptings of your heart, you soar with magnificence.”
The snake appearing isn’t surprising since I have been seeing many of them lately. This one was small that was trying to get away and hide. According to Ted Andrews, the snake represents rebirth, resurrection, initiation, and wisdom. Snake represents wisdom expressed through healing, the creative life force, transformation and healing, and the cycle of death and rebirth. The death energy of Snake is indicative of a transformation, not actual death, and may be showing new opportunities to heal and transform oneself. It can also reflect one’s creative forces awakening or the stimulation of understanding how to apply one’s insight and intuition.
The following is an excerpt from my personal journal from November 8th. It is what preceded the post called “I Finally Feel it”.
Couldn’t return to sleep for thoughts of “what if” but, seeing it as an opportunity, decided to work on mindfulness while I waited for the sun to rise.
I found it helpful and my heartrate stayed lower. If I began thinking of negative things I would redirect myself either purposefully thinking of positive things to better manifest what I wanted or focusing on my breathing and body. Once settled, my mind was pulled to the previous day.
It occurred to me yesterday (Nov. 7) after watching an NDE account that it would serve me best to focus on doing things based upon a heart centered approach. When I considered what that meant, I had to confront the conditioning related to this idea. Heart centered has been conveyed as all Love and Light, which is, honestly, BS. This is dualism at its best. Love and Light is wonderful but who defines what that is? If I know anything after some 49 years of life so far, I have learned “right” and “wrong” is not clear cut. What one believes is right another may not. Rightness is a decision made by the individual. This decision is based upon conditioning. This conditioning runs deep.
So when someone says to “listen to your heart” what does that even mean? I think most people believe it means “listen to your feelings”, but that is a trap. Feelings are subject to change and prone to reactivity. So what about making decisions based upon love? Well, what is love, really? The definition itself is so vague that some people spend their wholes lives trying to figure it out. Is it a feeling? Is it an urge? Is it lust? Is it belonging? What I have learned via my STE’s is that love is not at all what humans believe it to be. Humans decide what love is to them – usually that which makes them feel good. Good being, typically, a dopamine rush to the brain. Dopamine rushes are based upon conditioning, also. So one person may feel a rush when they hug another person while another might feel it when they go on a hunt and shoot and kill an animal. Would you define the former as love? The latter?
The reality is BOTH are love. ALL of this experience, all of who we are is love. Love isn’t an emotion it is a Beingness. It is us in all our glory, “the good, the bad and the ugly” as the saying goes.
So, to advise someone to follow their heart in reality means “follow your Beingness”.
When we follow our Beingness it may contradict another’s Beingness, or seem to anyway. Then we beat ourselves up, feel guilt, feel upset, feel – well we feel. All of these feelings are part of our conditioning. They were put there purposefully by us via our life experiences to help us learn. When we cross over, all this conditioning vanishes, and all we are is love (Beingness). All the feelings we had as humans vanish because they are part of the human condition. In Spirit those feelings are there as memories and are not individuated. In fact, those in Spirit who I have communicated with appear to me to be devoid of feeling. It can make a human witness to this very uncomfortable and did when I first began communicating with Spirit guides. Why didn’t they care!? Were they robots? No. They’re not human.
All of the above came to me when considering my issues with my ex and the things that kept me anchored to him (cords as some call them) in this lifetime. I am choosing to stay anchored to him and it is my choice to detach. Upon inspection I found that mostly I am making this choice unconsciously – out of habit and also out of resistance to change. Habit is pretty easy to fix. Resistance is more difficult. My resistance arises from not looking for the alternatives out of fear mostly, fear of not being in control. This is part of my conditioning. Many of us humans have it. We believe we have control as part of this illusion, but we do not. For me this has been one of my most challenging lessons in life. I have to be very aware of my thoughts to notice just how fearful I am. The only solution is mindfulness and making effort to stay present in the moment. Fear is the direct result of being human and having to survive in order to remain alive (in a body). It is instinctual and a biological impulse.
So when my guides advise me to “Look” (common advice from them) they are asking me to look for the possibilities that exist outside my fearful mindset because when you drop the fear, suddenly you can see a path that wasn’t there before. “Allow” is also common advice from my guidance and allowing comes with remaining in the present and moving with instead of against the flow of ones Beingness.
This morning when my mind wandered to things that were not helpful I was reminded of the above. Keeping my mind clear allowed me to connect to myself, my Beingness, and the more I can do this, the more I will continue upon the correct path for myself. “Correct” being what I planned prior to this life. And yes it might involve me doing things that others might view as “bad” or “nonoptimal” or “selfish” or whatever judgment you want to apply. As long as it holds true to my Beingness, then it is correct for me and correct for those I agreed to help in this lifetime via previous agreements (contracts) with them.
Honestly, it is simple. Stop worrying, stop over thinking, quiet your mind, and follow your Beingness.
Yesterday, after another particularly rough day, I took a walk and cried as I walked. This is becoming my new norm. Walk, walk, cry sometimes, cry some more, walk. Often my thoughts are chaotic and this time was no different.
One part of me was thinking of retreating not just away from people but into myself. This is my go-to when I feel overwhelmed. I don’t reach out, I don’t seek help or communicate with others. I’ve been judged, belittled and rejected too many times. All I want to do is return to my cabin in nature and never come out. The problem is that, without something to do, without some purpose or plan, retreat feels poisonous.
The other part of me sees my situation as an opportunity to return to myself – the me who wants to help, who sees the good in others and is capable of pouring herself into meaningful work.
The me who retreats is terrified of the unknown and taking that leap that could potentially lead me back to myself. The fear is debilitating and is keeping me stuck. IDK how to push past it.
When I returned home from my walk I noticed a large moth clinging to the brick facade. I immediately recognized it to be a sphinx moth. When I looked it up it turned out to be a Pandora Sphinx Moth.
Pandora –
The meaning of the Pandora myth is roughly this: human beings are endowed (Pandora = pan-dora = ‘all-gifted’) with a mind and soul that is like a treasure house of riches and fine jewels. However when we stray from the path of humility and holiness, and instead allow our thinking to be dominated by ruminations about the future or past, we unleash myriad woes in the form of intrusive thoughts and negative emotions.
Pandora’s box released the world’s evils but also released the antidote to that evil: Hope.
Sphinx moth –
Symbolizes transformation, profound change, and navigating the darkness with grace and wisdom. Its life cycle embodies personal growth and spiritual awakening, while its appearance can signify a time for letting go of old ways to embrace new knowledge. The moth’s nocturnal nature also connects it to the spiritual world, representing a yearning for truth, clarity, and purpose as it seeks light in the dark.
I held the moth for a time and then let it go in the backyard near the grapevine it most likely lived on as a caterpillar. When I checked later in the evening it had flown away. It’s visit not lost on me, I was immediately calmed and my upset lessened.
I was standing in the center of a garden courtyard of what appeared to be an ancient temple or castle. There were others around, mostly standing near the edges of my vision and out of sight. I was wearing a long, flowing, white gown or robe. The events prior to this part of the dream are extremely hazy. All I recall is there was some discussion of “fence cutting” and interaction with a few others, one being a young boy with light brown hair wearing a huge grin.
Feet solidly grounded on the earth, I held my hands up, spread my fingers wide and began to use my hands to summon energy up from my feet into my legs, hips and on upward. I remember feeling powerful and confident as I did this, as if I had done it a million times before. The sense was that I was a priestess or someone with similar spiritual training. As the energy moved upward it grew in intensity, ballooning outward as it spread. When the energy hit my root and second chakras it exploded to the point that I became super conscious in the dream. Unfortunately, the intensity mixed with sudden awareness (which surprised me) instantly transported me back to my bed and my physical body where the residual energy lingered for quite some time.
I couldn’t return to sleep from the excitement I felt. I have never had a K dream in which I was the one who initiated the K in myself. Normally someone else is helping me or interacting with me, seeming to be the initiator of the energy. Not only that, but I was aware of being fully in control and felt powerful and confident about it. It is quite a different feeling than when I am with another or when another seems to be helping move the energy for me.
It was obvious the energy was mine, or me, or however you prefer it. It was very clear and refreshing, like the sense one gets after a Spring rain, flowing and cleansing as it progressed upward. Yet at the same time the desirous sensations that often arise with root chakra were very obviously present, but not in such a way as to make me feel the effect of them.
It is easy to think with the K that someone else is somehow sparking the K fire inside me. Especially since most of my K experiences were in conjunction with someone who I felt a connection to I couldn’t quite explain. This K experience felt empowering and freeing. Even though it did not fully rise, as it has in other instances, I am not disappointed. It felt like it may have burst through a blockage in my second chakra also, which is always welcome!
I do hope to have more experiences like this one. 🙂
I’ve had several snake encounters lately. It could just be the time of year but I can’t help but take notice.
Snakes for me equal the Kundalini. I wish I could say I had some Kundalini experiences to report, but I don’t. Nothing for a while and if I do have any inklings of the K, they are mild in comparison to what they once were.
This snake I nearly stepped on during my evening walk around the pond. It is a diamondback water snake – harmless. He was about 3ft long.
This is a McKay’s brown snake. Tiny (less than 12 inches) but fierce! Again, I nearly stepped on him. This time when taking out the trash.
After the above snake encounters, I found a snake skeleton on the path around the pond this weekend. It seems symbolic of the death of part of myself. I’m not sure which. Perhaps my divorce or a stage in my life or even the Kundalini itself, which has basically gone dormant – or all three. Regardless, I decided to honor that death by digging a hole and burying the skeleton. I said goodbye to whatever it was that was ending.
I’ve been feeling very done with life. When I think, “What do I want” (because my guides like to ask me that), all I think of is being free of this body and this physical reality (returning Home, ending this incarnation). The next thing I think of is sleeping because when I sleep I experience a short freedom from this place. Even if I can’t recall my dreams it is better than being awake and going through the motions of life.
Don’t read this part if you are super attached to mankind, Earth and this physical experience…..
I’ve often wished that this physical reality would be destroyed in a major disaster – like end-of-the-world scenario. Yes, it would kill my loved ones and myself. Yes, it would be awful, but I know that whatever pain it caused would vanish immediately upon death and there would be no loss, no pain, no misery because we would all gather on the Other Side of this mess. I’ve experienced what lies beyond and find it difficult to understand how anyone could be so attached to this physical experience. If they only Knew!
Recently my guidance has been trying to get messages through to me. One was a message I’ve long heard, “Listen.” Another was something about traveling to the cosmos or something for an “intervention”. That is fine by me, if they think it will work. If I can’t get out of this body and physical incarnation, then a dose of Home is always welcomed. So far, giving me the experience of Home has kinda backfired I think because it makes me more determined to get the hell outta this place. lol
It wouldn’t be so bad if I had something to motivate me here. Something, anything, to look forward to. Usually, I use the next stage or step in life as my motivation. The only stage left for me is old age, slow deterioration and then death. I do look forward to death, just not the long path to it. Maybe I will luck out and not have the long, deteriorating part?
I do recognize all my blessings, I do, but no amount of material things can fill this void inside. I love my land, my pond, my new space – I do! I love that I have the freedom to buy whatever I want/need. I love my children. I love my dog. I love that I am strong and healthy and still can sleep deeply through the night. I try to focus on my blessings. I am good at distracting myself with activities or projects, but that is all they are – distractions. I can’t ever get away from the emptiness inside, the continued sense of numbness, the void of nothingness and, most of all, the Knowing that Home is just on the “Other Side” of this simulation.
I also recognize that I have been in this place before and it will eventually pass. Something will happen to ignite my curiosity and send me down another rabbit hole. Or maybe “someone”, since my path seems linked to the path of my partners in this life. But, honestly, I don’t want another partner if it means an oversized child to take care of or the expectations that go along with a relationship. And marriage? Hell no! Never again.
This is also what Human Design says is my experience (my only defined channel is the 1-8) – not Knowing (most of the time) with occasional “ah-ha” moments of clarity and Knowing that propel me in the direction I am meant to travel. Sadly, those ah-ha moments are so few and far between and I end up waiting endlessly (Projector curse) for some sense of clarity, grasping at anything that seems like it might lead to it only to find that, once again, I am wrong and there was never any clarity to begin with.
I am still recovering from the Kundalini experiences of my past. I don’t understand why it happened, why the ET stuff happened, and why I had all the amazing OBEs and transformational experiences. Then they all just….stopped. Abruptly it seems. And now it is like they were only a dream and sometimes it is like they never happened at all. Just smoke and mirrors as the song goes. The only thing that remains is this empty void inside and a more intense longing for Home than ever before.
Sometimes I think my experiences have left me with a kind of PTSD. I relate strongly with NDE’ers. So many of their stories are similar to my own, but I never actually had a near death, not really, just a “spiritually transformative experience” as ACISTE calls them. Sometimes I wish for an actual near death experience – maybe then I would understand??
Okay, so this is just me rambling now. If you have read this far – I apologize for the darkness of this post. I hope I didn’t bring you down in any way, especially since this is Easter, a day celebrating the resurrection of Christ.
Well, I did just bury the snake/Kundalini/old me, or whatever. Perhaps a resurrection is on the horizon.
I wish I had written the dreams prior down, but I didn’t. Instead, I just recall that when I woke a message was spoken to me in the in-between. The message lingered even after I returned to sleep. It was persistent enough that I finally made a note of it so I could return to sleep without interruption. It was just now, several days later, that I saw it in my notes: Reincarnation Amalgamation.
Upon seeing the message I laughed. Not only does it have a nice ring to it (rhyme) but it seems significant. Is this message just for me or for everyone? I honestly don’t know so I am sharing it in case it rings true for others.
Perhaps the message goes along with some of my current life changes? Yesterday, for example, I went to the DMV to get my name changed on my driver’s license. It was the first time I signed my new name and it felt really good. The name itself is not new, really. I’ve been using Dayna for over two decades, ever since my guidance told me straight out that Dayna was my name. However, changing it legally finally rids me of a name I’ve not ever really felt any affinity for – my first name specifically. I kept my middle name. It has never been an issue for me and it didn’t feel right to eliminate it altogether. It symbolizes a lifetime lived up until this point at least. My last name was chosen by me years ago – Stone. It replaced my married name, which has been a difficult one mostly because of how it is spelled and pronounced. No more spelling it out letter by letter. Yay! My old married name also symbolizes a group I no longer want to be associated with, not just that the name was my ex’s.
My next step is the Social Security office. I have an appointment next week. Then, well, I guess I get to change my name everywhere that is left, a process I am sure will take some time but will be well worth it.
But, back to the message….
Reincarnation = rebirth, to be born anew into a new form such as a physical form (or consciousness).
Amalgamation = the action or process of uniting or merging two or more things.
If I take the message reincarnation amalgamation as a personal message meant for just me, then it means I am undergoing a transformational process in which I am taking my past “lives” and merging them into a new one. In this lifetime I have felt to have lived two previous lives up until now. I call them lives because when I look back upon my many years in this body, I perceive two distinct “me’s”.
The first “me” I no longer even identify with in any way to the point that she feels not to have been me at all! This would be the first part of my life, from birth until late twenties or so (Saturn Return). This version of me had very little to no spiritual experiences. She was naive and afraid, making many fear-based decisions.
The second, the one I feel I am in the midst of leaving behind, is more present and real to me; however, I believe she will one day feel as foreign to me as the first. She’s the one who underwent tremendous spiritual transformations, OBEs, Kundalini, etc. She is also the one who got married and started a family.
Who is this third me? I do not know. I have no idea whatsoever. All I know is that she started with a divorce and a name change. What is to come next is a mystery. Perhaps she will be a mix of the two, as the message suggests? In the past, the not knowing would have driven me crazy, but now I honestly don’t have the energy to bother with that. I honestly don’t care.
I prefer to put my attention on the beautiful space I have created – a new home, a new garage in process, the 10 acre property with pond and wildlife. I spend more time on me, on my own peace of mind and on gratitude for what I have been given.
Speaking of all that, here are some more pictures. 🙂 The skirting on the house is finished and the garage frame is going up. I also included a pic of the beaver lodge located on the adjacent pond (neighbor’s) and some local cows.
Yesterday I had an unexpected reaction to a video I was watching about the Ganges River in India. The video was about how a man quit his job to start an incense making business using flower waste from temples. 16% of the pollution in the Ganges comes from this flower waste. As the video came to an end, they showed an image of the river and gave stats on the progress of cleaning it up.
I don’t remember my exact thought but it was something along the lines of: “Their backyard is my backyard. Our backyard is the world.” With this, I saw in my mind an image of the Ganges free of pollution, without cities crowding it’s banks, respected, honored and tended to by humans. I knew this was the future, though one beyond my lifetime, and I began to cry. I sobbed actually. It was a mixture of sadness and relief. Sadness at humanity’s indifference towards nature and relief that there is hope, that humans can and are changing, albeit slowly.
I knew that the clean water and air of the future cannot be known to us in the present. We have grown so use to polluted that we would be shocked to smell truly clean, fresh air and clean water. We think we know, but we do not. Thankfully, my grandchildren will know.
There was a guide close and I could hear her reaching out to me to calm me down and reassure me that all would be okay. I had a thought then about how in all this darkness, if we just keep in our minds a vision of what could be, we can and will create it. To be distracted by the present, by the darkness looming all around, is easy. It is harder to focus on what we want to create in the future and even harder to have faith in the potential of the human race for positive change.
One of the hardest things for me to accept about this world is how humans treat it. Though I can easily pretend I don’t feel the grief at what I am witnessing and, sadly, am a part of, there are moments such as these where I become very aware of just how deeply I feel for this planet and its inhabitants. My heart aches but at the same time it rejoices. There are so, so many emotions swirling inside me that I struggle to not be overwhelmed, and oftentimes cannot help but be overtaken. I feel so small and insignificant in these moments, unable to exact the enormous change that is needed. I would, if I could, snap my fingers and wipe away all the damage that’s been done to this planet. To stand on the banks of that river and see it pure and magnificent again would bring me such joy, even though, for so long, I thought of places like India as “not my problem”. I see myself and humanity shifting slowly towards embracing every part o the planet as our “backyard”, accepting responsibility for all the neglect and abuse, and stepping up to create a better world.
It is clear to me that this moment in Earth’s history is monumental. It isn’t obvious just yet, but what humanity is going through and doing now is what will lead to a great healing and restoration of this planet and all its inhabitants. The hope and relief I felt at Knowing all is not lost was just what I needed. We are the change we need and we will succeed.
Very busy night of dreams. It felt like I was partially awake the entire night, talking to someone. As a result, I do not feel very rested.
Lucid to OBE
I remember being partially lucid in a dream with my husband and our daughter. We were on the road near my Mom’s home. I remember meeting my daughter on the road and it being sectioned off and overlaid with a room with translucent walls. My husband had followed me and was attempting to get me to dance with him and was acting openly sexual, touching me and saying things only I should hear. I was concerned that our daughter was close by and would see and hear us, so I kept avoiding his advances, walking away as soon as he got close enough to touch me. I remember feeling the intensity of his sexual desire and that near frantic flow that often comes from him when I refuse him. The obsessive push from him was not attractive and so I pulled away (push-pull) and turned toward the back of the “house”, looking out a window.
This is when I realized I was asleep and immediately took control and jumped out the window, flying up into the air. That familiar pull grabbed hold of me and I accelerated upward with great speed. Knowing I was going up into space and remembering my decision to not resist It after my last OBE, I surrendered and told It, “Take me to my mom’s house. I want to go to Mom’s house.” I focused on where I hoped to end up as I closed my eyes and entered the void.
Slowing down, I was suddenly dropped in front of Mom’s house but much farther away than I intended. My vision turned on vividly and I told It, “Not this far away from her house.” lol
I flew toward the house, noticing the details of it and my surroundings. I compared the house to the real one, noting the brick color matched but the front entry was not the same. The front porch became like another room itself. It was enclosed and of a light green color. The front door was a bright, velvety red color and very distinct and inviting.
When I went inside the house was not at all like the one in real life. It was long and rectangular shaped, like a mobile home. The floors were covered in tiny, square, aqua-blue tiles and the walls were a vibrant white. My mom was sitting on a sofa to my left and smiled when she saw me. I marveled at the changes I observed in the home’s appearance as I walked around and took it all in. The odd part was that it was not filled with furniture but with vending machines, some antiques. It appeared they were on display, though they were functional and could be used.
I continued to explore and recognized the layout was different, too. On my right was the master bedroom and at the other end of the house was another bedroom. I asked, “What about the third bedroom?” but heard no answer.
I entered the second bedroom and it was very large, with two twin beds with pink covers. The room was messy and very lived in and I immediately thought it was my daughter’s. I mentioned how three people could occupy the room based upon its size.
I begin to lose lucidity in this part of the dream, caught up in the exploration of this mobile home. I saw a section in the bedroom that looked to be the inside of a factory. It had steam pipes coming out of the floor. It was still a brilliant white, though. I asked about it and was told the third bedroom lay just beyond. I wanted to go investigate but was asked to look at the walk-in closet.
Inside the closet was very large and also rectangular, extending so far back it could easily be used as a bedroom. I mentioned this to whoever I was talking to (male energy). At the far back of the closet was a door going outside and I could see a fully erect tent big enough for six people set up. As I exited the closet I was thinking the closet must be the third bedroom but the male energy said the lights and a/c were controlled by a switch on the outside.
On my way out of the large mobile home I was told the third bedroom was in a new, upgraded model and asked if I was interested in purchasing it. I said I would be as I went to explore this third bedroom. When I went inside I don’t remember seeing a bedroom. All I saw was a brilliant white and then my memory stops.
Discussion
When I woke around 4am I remembered that I had been OBE. There was also a feeling of being among a group. The energy was different and I could feel my own energy body responding, specifically around my solar plexus and along my spine.
Acknowledging those around me, I asked, “Who are you?” I heard back, “We are the 12.” I thought back, “My council?” and felt this was an accurate description. They replied that they were there to assist.
They spoke as One and said, “We want to ask you some questions.” I agree to this and waited. I heard, “Are you ready?” I said, “Is that one of the questions?” They did not answer so I figured it must be. I took a while to answer because I wasn’t sure what they were asking. Ready for what? I felt two answers. One from my human self and one from my High Self. So I said, “Yes and no. One part is (HS) and the other isn’t sure (human self).”
Then They asked, “What do you want?” My answer to this was, “Freedom.” They didn’t respond and I felt they wanted me to clarify. I shared what freedom meant to me – freedom from this world and physical prison, freedom from expectation. I imagined flying with no limits on what I could do.
They prompted me to focus on this lifetime. If I couldn’t leave this life (which they said is not possible yet), then what did I want?
At this point I fell back to sleep and entered another dream.
Dream
I am in a city, somewhere downtown where people go to socialize. I remember sitting at a table with some “friends”, all spiritually minded and similar to myself. I didn’t recognize any of them but we were talking about our individual paths and I remember telling the group, “Anything I start right now will be successful.” What is interesting here is that while I said this I also heard someone telling me this. I heard, “Anything you do right now will be successful” but along with it I heard, “What would you like to do?”
I remember some ideas came to me. I shared them with the group. One was a website which I saw in detail. I don’t know what the website was for, though, it just felt very sophisticated and well planned. I spent quite a bit of time mulling this over with the group.
Then I remember hearing, “There is only a very narrow window of time.” It felt like I was getting shown my “chart”. It reminded me of astrology, as if the stars were providing me with an opening but this opening would not last very long so I needed to decided what I wanted before this period ended.
Then I was imagining a store – my own business – and this appealed to me. Again, I don’t know what kind of store it was but the part that appealed to me was that I did not have direct involvement in the store’s day-to-day operation. A manager did it for me and I was merely the owner and mostly observed and made general decisions. The feeling from it was pride at my accomplishment and the fact that it provided me the freedom to do whatever I liked.
Though I felt encouraged to create something new, I had no motivation to do so and told the group, “I like my life as it is.”
This is when an old friend of mine entered. By this time I was sitting alone at a table. She sat across from me. When I saw her she appeared to be a mixture of people I have known in this life, all very close friends of mine. It felt like I hadn’t seen her in a long time. Her energy was very high and I knew she was someone who had no roots. She floated from here to there, never staying in one place very long. She was also into drugs and I knew she was likely intoxicated in that moment.
I pulled a small, glass container from my pocket. It looked like an essential oils bottle, only about 1oz capacity. I opened the bottled and held it over my tongue. I felt several drops land on my tongue. My friend asked for the bottle. I handed it to her and she took some, too, only much more than was normal. Half the bottle went into her mouth. I mentioned it was a bit too much and she was not concerned. She laughed and jumped up, flitting away like a little bird.
Realizing I had just ingested some kind of drug, I decided it best that I leave before the drug began to take effect. I got up and noticed I was outside in an unfamiliar city. I suddenly had no idea where I was and the parking lot where I thought I had left my car was not there. So I wandered around the streets looking for something familiar, worried and confused.
Eventually, I wandered into an office building of some kind. The dream becomes hazy here but I remember standing at a counter that had a large printer on it. A man was behind the counter. I held up two empty food containers and asked, “Can you recycle this for me?” He seemed not to hear me and walked out a side door to my side of the counter. That is when I saw the door and said, “Oh! I didn’t realize the door was right there.”
Continued Discussion
When I woke I continued to feel the same feeling as before. It is hard to describe, like a group is gathered close but there is also a pull felt, as if I am being Called, but it is faint.
A song was going through my head, which I am not sure has any significance. I kept hearing, “Just like the white winged dove….”
They asked me again what I wanted in regards to this life. The feeling, that Call, was there and so I said that if I had to stay that I wanted to answer that Call. It is magnetic. It Calls out from within me this intense need or desire for…..something. I can’t explain it and I think it has always been there. I don’t know what it wants from me. I just feel it and want nothing more than to surrender to it.
I was reminded of the friend in my dream. The friend who floated about, unchained and free, intoxicated with Life. They suggested my desire was to be like her, that she IS me. I felt this as true but, I don’t know how to be her.
Today it is beautiful in Texas. Sunny, 65 degrees, with a light breeze. The energy was expansive. Yes. Expansive. That’s how it feels to me, anyway.
Some pictures of my walk to give you an idea of what “expansive” feels like. 🙂
I wish I had taken more pics today but I was too busy feeling it all. I sat by the creek for a bit, listening, breathing and feeling. It was nice and there weren’t very many people out, not that it would’ve mattered.
I ended up walking for over an hour. 4 miles in all! Ha!
Messages
Okay, so now for the interesting part of my walk. I wrote a while back about finding items on my walks, items I seemed to actually manifest with my thoughts. I found a tube of unopened Chapstick first, then some Apple earbuds (also new) and finally two, twenty dollar bills (yep!). Eventually, I couldn’t think of anything physical I wanted to manifest so I asked the Universe to show me what I needed to know. One of the first things I came across was a playing card in the grass. 6 of Hearts.
On December 18th I wrote this on Facebook (not sure why I didn’t post it here)”:
Remember when I kept finding things on my walks? I didn’t stop attempting to manifest stuff, I just lost interest in material things. I actually asked to be given or shown what was needed. Usually I don’t find any items but that very day I saw a playing card on the side of the road – the 6 of Hearts. I have walked past it every day, taking note of it, but never really looking any deeper into the meaning. Today I saw it again, didn’t pick it up and forgot about it until just now.
Here is the meaning:
It represents the masculine. It can be an unmarried male romantic partner, family member or friend, always loved by the sitter. It is often considered the Soulmate card – past lives/karmic. It can represent communion, knowledge, study and learning.
That was over a month ago and nearly forgotten, until today.
Within the first half-mile of my walk, I saw another card, this time face down, laying in a pile of leaves and rubble that had built up on the bridge I was walking over. At first I walked past it. I was singing along to a song and just feeling really joyful, playful and happy. I was contemplating dancing as I walked, but didn’t because it was a busy road. But despite continuing on I felt an urge to turn back and pick it up. I had to.
Never would I have believed it to be what it was.
That ain’t no playing card!! That’s a tarot card! WTF!?
I can’t remember now if it was right side up or not. I don’t think it even matters. When I saw it I thought, “6 of…..cups?” I mean, those are odd looking cups but then what else could they be?
I tucked the card in my pocket and went on my merry way.
When I got a bit further on my walk I encountered a single, black crow on the path in front of me. I stopped. It stopped. We stared at each other for a bit. I grabbed my phone, fumbled around trying to get it into camera mode, and as I began to aim to take a pic it flew up in the air, cawing at me and joined another crow off to my left.
I continued to my walk, taking note of the crow but not really knowing what to think.
When I got home I pulled the card out of my pocket and examined it. Yep. A tarot card. Definitely NOT a coincidence that I found it.
6 of Cups Message
First off, the 6 of Cups has the same meaning as the 6 of Hearts. I only discovered this after a Google search. I don’t know much about traditional tarot decks (i.e. Rider-Waite) so bear with me. I read tarot using my intuition and rarely read the book descriptions. Unfortunately, looking at the image on the card I found does nothing for my intuition. I thought the cups were crowns, though, so maybe a good sign? lol
Since I wasn’t asking a question and just randomly found the card on my walk, many explanations for the card meaning don’t apply. So, the standard, one card meaning would be something like this:
The Six of Cups in the upright position is a card of pleasures. This card tells about good times and generally remind us of good times, but it could tell about happy times that are just around the corner, those that will turn into amazing new memories.
It is the card of indulgence, periods without any serious problems and reasons to worry.
As this is the card related to ancestry, it could be a sign of a great family gathering, about getting in touch with relatives you haven’t heard from for ages or, even, meeting distant relatives you did not know you have.
For those more inclined towards the psychic, this card could be a sign from the ancestors or make one pay attention to the signs along the road, for those might be messages from ancestors.
Then there is the crow. They are not very common around here and mostly they are in the trees making lots of noise, not sitting alone on the path I am walking. Most definitely not something to disregard.
The Crow (no, not the movie! lol)
It is not a bad omen like most might assume. It can be considered the “trickster” though, meaning it can shape shift and take on any form it chooses in order to pass on its message. And messages are its specialty. When a crow crosses your path it is there to pass on a message. Most of the time that message is something previously known or received by the recipient. It is a sign to the recipient saying, “You know what to do.” Of course, part of the mystery of the crow is in the message because in order to understand it, you must first Know yourself!
So, if I am understanding Crow’s message right, it is to remind me of the tarot card message. AND being I am seeing this card for the second time now, I must not be truly grokking its meaning! Ugh!
What did I miss? Or… is something still in process where I thought conclusion had occurred?
More crazy dreams. I have no clue why, for most of 2020, my dreams and recall have been so funky, but this year has been odd all around. It is like a wave of strange and mysterious poured into the Collective Consciousness and has been slowly replicating, like a virus (ha!). As each “cell” of the Collective Be-ing is overtaken by this force, the “new” replicates” and overtakes more “cells”. We are now infected with the “new” and, as each “cell” is changed, the entire system is “shocked”. Electric shock therapy comes to mind for some reason. Perhaps it has the same result as ECT, perhaps not. I think it has to do with the the individual and how ready they are to accept this change. If not ready, then what? I shudder to consider the possibilities of this.
But I digress…..my main reason for this post was to ponder my dreams and what was on my mind as I awoke.
Dream: Leaving the Movie Theater
I went to a movie (experience one is focused on) with my mom and early on decided to leave the theater. I went to a restaurant (seeking spiritual nourishment) and sat at a table with two men and a woman. What was odd is that I sat there telling them what to look for in a bad relationship. I specifically targeted one of the men who would say and do things to try and control his girlfriend. They were to be married and I was trying to help them avoid a difficult path. It was very obvious that the relationship was not a good one but no one there seemed to see that.
I left to return to the movie. I found my ticket stub and approached the ticket counter but my foot hit the low counter. I saw the ticket person was in a wheelchair (dependency on others). I apologized for kicking the counter, blaming my high heels (sexual expression). The woman took my ticket and I asked if the movie was still playing. She told me the movie playing was “Halloween” and not the one I had been watching with my mom. She motioned to the theater to her right so I went in that direction but found no entrance. So I stood and waited for my Mom to emerge, checking the time and being confused. It was during this time that my root chakra activated, buzzing extremely strongly and woke me up.
I fell back into the in-between where I had a conversation with my guidance. I remember specifically trying to manifest someone in the bed with me, imagining how it might feel to have a partner who was like me and who I could merge the physical and spiritual with. I wondered if it was possible? And if so, would I survive it? Was I even capable? I did get an answer – Yes. I fell asleep not long after.
Dream: To the Bank…um Grocery Store
Most of this dream occurred in the dark (the unknown, unseen). The first part I recall is discussing purchasing food. I was with a younger woman sitting at a computer (communication, information). She kept suggesting we visit this particular website I had never heard of, some kind of social media site. I finally asked her what age group generally visited the website. She said, “Twenty-somethings.” I said, “Well I’m 44 so that website isn’t for me.” Ultimately I ordered four items. I think it was fish or chicken, or both, but I can’t remember except that I saw a visual of meat.
Then I was talking to my son who was upset because no one noticed his new haircut (loss, defeat, lack of progress). I told him I would fix it and upon looking saw that he had a buzzcut but had long, shoulder-length hair hanging around the edges. I took scissors and trimmed it but he ended up looking like he had a bowl cut in the front. lol
Next, I was with my husband traveling in a car (life path) in the dark. I had four checks in my hands that were written to pay for the food I purchased. We arrived at the bank (resources) when it was still closed. They let us in and we waited in the lobby as the employees prepared to open. I remember browsing through essential oils and picked up one called “Pleasure”, put some on and decided to buy it. I remember sending my husband to buy the oil blend but then he left the bottle behind. I didn’t go get it since I has already put some oil on me.
When we finally paid for the food I remember noticing that three of the meats were white colored but the last was red like salmon. I was told the red meat was in fact Flamingo (maturity, security) meat. lol It was specifically for my husband.
As I was leaving the bank I came to the double glass doors where I saw a gentleman assisting an elderly woman with her grocery cart. I held the door for him as he was coming in and he looked me in the eyes and said, “Thank you.” The man walked back outside with me, though, and I said, “Oh, I didn’t know you were going out.” He smiled at me and said, “It is great to see you again.” I said, “Oh? I hardly ever come here.” He said, “Well, you come here more than she does (the woman he was helping).” The man was walking backwards as he said this so he could look me in the eyes. He was quite handsome with black hair and pale skin. His eyes were also dark and when he smiled I swear his Light chased away the darkness of the night.
Then our paths diverged but as I walked out in the parking lot looking for the car I kept running into him. I mentioned this and he would just laugh and remind me that he saw me often.
Eventually, I came to some parked cars but I couldn’t see anything. It was pitch black outside. I scooted between the front bumpers of two cars and ran into a dog (protection, guidance) on a leash (restraint). The dog jumped up on me and startled me. I looked down and saw a beautiful Golden Retriever (retrieve, gain control). It licked me and whined and I remember petting it.
At this moment a message was sent to me. It materialized in my mind. I heard a woman’s voice as I read the letter. It said that her four horses (wild, free nature, sexuality) had gotten out and she was worried because her two dogs were not with them. She said, “I know they could find their way home if the dogs were with them, but without the dogs I fear they will be lost.” I saw two beautiful Irish Setters and remember thinking, “Those are not herding dogs…” and thought they would likely kill the horses.
When I woke up a song verse was repeating in my head, but only part of it, “I hope you know, I hope you know….”
The Kundalini: Questions
After I woke, I remember talking with my guidance, asking them questions. I was thinking of all the times the K has risen. It seems that it is either while I am sleeping (this is most frequent) or it is initiated by another K-active person, masculine specifically. When I am asleep I encounter other worldly Beings – non-human entities as some call them – OR one of my guides initiates the K. Sometimes my guides and the non-human entities are one and the same.
I wanted to know, “Can I initiate the K on my own? Or do I need someone/something else to initiate it for me? Why was I told to ‘let him initiate’ when specifically in contact with K-active masculines (has only happened two times)? Is this because, as a woman, I am suppose to be passive? Will it always be that someone/something else has to initiate the K in me? Or can I do it myself?”
I was very much missing the K energy and attempted to get it to rise without success. I can get the energy to swirl and expand, but not from the root upward. When I focus, breathe and relax/surrender, the K will originate in my middle back and then expand in a circular fashion outward until it is bigger than my physical body. Then I can sit in this bliss for a while but it doesn’t go any further than that.
My experiences of being “initiated” are much different. The energy will move either from root to crown or from other areas down and up at the same time (usually my head/neck or heart). The energy is very electric and orgasmic, extremely intense and pleasurable, and when it reaches my crown I feel transported elsewhere where I become One with everything. When in this state of Oneness I sometimes sense another in my body with me, or at least that is what it feels like. It seems that there is another energy occupying the same space as me. The other energy has looked through my eyes but often it just sits there with me. I am not uncomfortable with it. Instead it feels natural, as if this other energy is part of me and always has been.
As I conversed with my guidance, the song kept going through my head, especially when I asked “Why?”
“I hope you know, I hope you know….this has nothing to do with you. It’s personal, I hope you know….”
So, maybe, my experiences with the K are unique; my own? Maybe I experience it as I do because it is what I need and how the K works for me? It is hard to know for sure without others’ experiences to compare it to.
What is interesting is that when I went online one of the first things I read was a post on FB by a K-active female friend. She described a K experience she had that was very similar to one of my own. It seemed not only to be a sync but also a response to my questioning – I am not alone nor are my experiences unlike other women’s, at least this friend’s experiences are similar.
I would like to hear from other females who are K-active. Do you find you have to be “initiated” for the K to rise? Or can you initiate it yourself while not in a dream or with a male energy around you?
The bliss episodes I experience are pleasant but the rising experiences are few and far between. I long to experience that Oneness more frequently. If I could be there all the time, I would. The erotic, pleasurable experiences are great, too, but I long to be One with All, to feel that expansiveness and everything that goes with it.
Living Life in Between 