Tag Archives: spirituality

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Revelations and Updates

Some messages I have received recently:

From Call the Midwife season 5 episode 7:

Prayers aren’t always answered the way one would hope but they are generally answered. And the answer He gave me was this: When things change we have to find a different way. Now whenever I do up a button or a shoelace I’m reminded of the need to keep learning.

A reminder we all need from time to time.

Nothing stays the same. We don’t stay the same ourselves. And all the time the world keeps spinning faster.

Another quote that caught my attention:

But my first child and my second child both died. One in my belly and one in my arms.

I’m sorry.

Why are you sorry?

It’s just something we say in England, when someone says something bad happened.

It is in the past now. This baby’s in the future, which is why you should never be sorry, just be glad.

And still another:

Sometimes there is no map for the road we find ourselves upon. It lies ahead, uncharted, unfurling into the mist. We are all travelling through one another’s countries. But it is no matter if we meet as strangers, for we can join forces and learn to love. And where there is friendship and affection there is the place we can all call home.

These quotes/scenes and more have been inciting tears. Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders; like torrents of flood waters pouring through my very Being and I can’t breathe for the ceaselessness of them. Last night I was overcome by the emotion yet again and rather than question it or judge myself for the feelings I was feeling, I just allowed them to flow because I knew it would not last long. A silent and reassuring voice from within said, “It will pass.” It always does and part of me saw the emotion and the experience of the moment as a Divine blessing. I understood that my human body and mind is not capable of holding onto it all. So, I need to give it up, to give it back to where it came from…..wherever that might be. In giving it up I am cleansed and one step closer to fully embracing the sanctity of this existence.

Amidst the emotional purging there has been clarity on so many things. Lessons are becoming obvious, gifts received finally opened. The exhaustion and apathy I’ve been feeling transforming into surrender, slowly but surely.

After several days of reflection, a thought continues to resurface: “If I had to do it over again, I would not do it again.” When asked why I would not do it again, I replied, “It destroyed me. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel empty.” I heard in reply, “Now you can be filled.”

“It” here refers to what occurred in December, 2015, almost two years ago now. Basically, if I could turn back time I would turn the other way, listening to my inner silence rather than giving in to my human urgency to be loved. The connection that I felt was misunderstood and blown way out of proportion by my human self. I have concluded now that the “connection” was merely the result of a newly opened heart which revealed to me a glimpse of my True self. My human side attributed the very “new” feelings to all the wrong things and had not the experience nor knowledge with which to cope appropriately. I continue to feel ill prepared but recognize that my body/mind/spirit has to be re-taught how to handle that which is my natural state. It is very obvious that my natural state is beyond beautiful, beyond powerful, so much so that my human self struggles immensely because she is buried under layers of illusion and belief.

Another revelation….. I saw myself as the character I play in this life. She seems so boring, so nondescript, so lonely and forlorn. It occurred to me that I should step out of that Beingness and look at myself from outside myself, like I am watching a television show of my life. When I did there was just love for the experience and recognition that I chose it because I saw it as beautiful. Every “bad” feeling, low mood, negative reaction just as wonderful as every moment of laughter, excitement, love, and friendship. All moments “will pass”, it is only the clinging to one over the other that makes once experience seem fleeting while another seems to last forever.

Somehow I have to learn to reject nothing and embrace all and do so without judgment.

Spiritual Considerations

I continue to feel repelled by the online spiritual community, channeled messages and energy forecasts I use to follow prior to July this year. The repetitiveness of the messages is really bothering me. It occurred to me that nothing in the messages has really changed over the last few years. They still say the next big wave is upon us, the incoming energy will bring about transformations and huge changes, etc, etc. Then there is the abundance of people jumping on the ever-growing spiritual bandwagon. It all just bothers the hell out of me. Something is very wrong with it. Every day I stop following another person on WP. Every day I stop following another person on FB. Soon there won’t be anything left to read.

I have always been one to listen to my own self/heart first, so none of the above is really out of the ordinary for me. However, the feeling I get from most if not all of what I am reading is nearing repulsion now. I go back day after day to blogs I use to frequent and try again to read their posts but am turned off within a sentence of two. It just doesn’t flow with me anymore.

The only answer I have to the above is that I am focusing on what really matters: love, family, life. The spiritual is part of all of it. There is no need to follow some channel or some energy forecast. No need to validate my journey from without. All of it is right.here.inside.me. Some people still need to look outside themselves, some are still growing, building their foundations. So they can read or follow the blogs, channels, forecasts. There is nothing wrong with it and eventually they will come full circle, too. We all will.

Interesting little tidbit I want to add now. As if to remind me of my own need for validation there was a time last week when wherever I went I kept getting messages from the environment that said, “Walk-in”. It was ridiculous how frequent it was! I actually had a post on it and then opted to not finish it. That very day I saw this on my way to pick up my family photos:

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I actually laughed out loud when I saw it, thus I had to take a picture to document it.

Then, yesterday I think it was, someone commented on my other blog, the one about walk-ins. I didn’t know how to respond. How do I feel about the subject now? I didn’t know. Ultimately, I still don’t know what to say about it. Part of me is not even sure such a thing really exists. Something obviously happened, is happening to me, but really it seems more like a mental illness – a personality break of sorts – than a spiritual phenomena. At this time the best I can come up with is that I am in a transition period and at some point in the future it will all be crystal clear. All I can say for sure right now is that I have changed, am changed and will continue to change. Change is the only constant.

Kundalini

Last night the Kundalini visited more than once. Consciously I accepted it and even upon waking it swirled and raged, especially around my root and crown. At one point, when the energy was feeling quite strange and almost unsettling I heard, “Stay calm.” At that moment I became more alert to the energy in my crown area. Prior to that, I had received a long, rope-like object composed of tiny threads weaving in and out in spiral fashion. I was to attach one end to my crown and the other to my root. The Kundalini was everywhere but the feeling was unlike anything I have felt before. It was almost as if the space between my root and crown was a vast void with no beginning and no end.

I could not return to the in-between and began to think of all the things I needed to do, specifically that I need to get a run in today. I heard my guidance say, “You need to rest.” It occurred to me then that my recent lack of motivation and desire to “do nothing” in terms of exercise and running was likely more than just my being “lazy”.

Updates on Physical Issues

This morning I have a headache but nothing major. My acne ailment is almost completely healed. In fact, my complexion is glowing and radiant. I will be tapering off of my antibiotics slowly over the next couple of weeks.

My body seems to be adjusting to the birth control. I don’t know if the emotion I am having is related or not. Could be, I guess. The pain in my ankles is gone but I did burst a vein on my right ankle. It is likely it was caused by the BC because higher hormones do effect vein elasticity. It could mean more vein issues in the future.

I am still having panic/anxiety but mostly when I am running. I only ran once this week because the weather has been crazy here in Texas. One day it was near 80 degrees and the next it was snowing (yeah). On that one run I almost ended up in a full-on panic attack out of the blue. These moments of panic come from feeling like I am not in my body when I run. My legs contact solid ground but instead of feeling grounded I feel the opposite, as if I will leave my body via my crown at any moment. The panic comes from my human mind immediately worrying that I will not be in control of this body. Scenarios of passing out on the sidewalk or running into traffic shift me into panic mode. I have to tell myself, “I’m okay. Everything’s fine”. But on this particular day a part of me embraced leaving my body and had no concern or worry of what might happen if I did. Once I ignored the panicking side and listened to the other my anxiety lessened and then dissipated. After that I still opted to take a route away from busy roads just in case. lol

Family

I’ve been having disconcerting dreams about my sister lately. Her birthday is today but I am unable to communicate with her or send her a gift or card because she and her husband have purposefully withheld their address from family. The feeling is that either she is currently struggling or that more severe struggles await her and her husband. It saddens me, especially since she is mostly hurting herself by disconnecting like she is.

My family recently had family photos taken. Here are a couple of them:

Since these photos were taken I have been ever so grateful for my many blessings. At times I am overflowing with gratitude. The smallest of moments make me smile. For example, I have been reading to my youngest in the evenings. He has been requesting that I read to him nightly and brings book after book to me. Every time I read to him he snuggles up close and always either holds or strokes my arm or hand. It is the sweetest thing. I don’t think either of my other two children ever did that.

 

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Unusually Powerful Kundalini

My Kundalini experiences have been intermittent as of late. I will get spurts here and there but nothing like the near continuous rumblings I had in 2016. For the last few months I have noticed a pattern, though. The Kundalini makes an entrance during specific phases of my moon cycle around ovulation and then again around menstruation. The time frame she chooses is interesting as I have read that for women Kundalini does tend to be more active at certain times in a woman’s cycle, specifically during spikes in estrogen levels (which would be around ovulation).

Currently I am approaching the end of my cycle, around two days from the end in fact. All has been quiet since mid-month when I ovulated and had a spike in Kundalini dreams that woke me up with uncomfortable root chakra activity.

Early last night I had a Kundalini visit that was unusually powerful. Thankfully I was so deep in sleep that I never became fully lucid.

The Kundalini presented itself via a connection with one of my guides. This is not uncommon. We were together having a conversation I can’t recall completely now. I do know this guide’s name was “Chris”. His appearance is blurry. I believe he had dark hair to his chin that was sorta messy. I also see him as muscular, though I have no specific memory of this either. In fact, I cannot recall seeing him even once in the encounter, though I do remember him being present. However, I recently had an OBE where this guide presented himself, so I have an idea of what he looks like.

To describe what I felt is always difficult with the Kundalini energy. There is nothing in my life experience, and I mean NOTHING, that even comes close. In the dream I recall talking to this guide one minute, standing next to him casually enjoying a conversation, and the next being literally overcome by a powerful sensation in my root chakra that surged upward ferociously, devouring any resistance I might have had and putting me completely out of commission. The Kundalini did not feel like I have ever felt it. My root chakra seemed to move upward and take over all of my lower chakras. It literally felt like my entire lower body became my root and the sensation of having a body at all was gone. I also have a vague memory of my guide pushing a “button” prior to the Kundalini rising.

As I was standing when these episodes would incite, I do not know how I didn’t fall to the ground! In those moments it actually seemed like I levitated and lost any recognizable form. The Kundalini would surge for what seemed like an eternity, I would lose myself to it and then it would subside. I would return to my conversation and then it would come again. And again. And again. Each time it surged it was like my entire body was orgasming! I could feel a central canal of energy extend up to my heart. It was like my vagina extended all the way to my heart! I know, weird, but like I said this was unusual even for me. My entire lower half felt like my root/genital area and was super, super stimulated to the point that I am not sure how I didn’t die from it. lol

After 7 or 8 rounds of this energy rising and receding, I finally began to have more lucidity. This is when I remember talking with my guide and discussing math of all things. lol My only specific memory here is of the number 38. I can still see it vividly in my mind as it was white outlined in silver floating in front of my eyes. I reached for it and touched it even and it converted into an equation of some sort, one with a square root sign. This is when the last surge of Kundalini energy hit and put me out of commission for a while. When it receded I began to wake up.

While in the in-between I received a message from my guide. He gave me the name “Chris” and another word came up but now all I remember is that it began with the letter “r”. I believe the word may have been “restore” but am unsure. I do know that I was being told why he was assisting me and that it had to do with some improvements being made as I saw the Kundalini as scrubbing/cleaning my energy body.

When I woke it was 1:30am and I easily returned to sleep because I had a feeling of being drugged. I had to get out of bed to get a drink, though, because I felt parched, and prior to sleep all of my lower chakras were active and felt merged as one with a comfortable, warm energy. I experienced the same raw ache I tend to get after a Kundalini surge but it was not uncomfortable as it has been in the past. The last thing I recall before slipping into dreamland is the energy reaching my lower heart chakra and the warmth of it spreading outward.

 

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Gnomes, Hurricanes and Dreamwork

Things are finally settling down here after several days of crazy up’s and down’s. My joke has been that our family garden gnome has been wreaking havoc on our household. 🙂 Anytime strange, unexpected or unexplained things occur the gnome is who I blame. I tell my kids he sneaks out of his potted plant and wreaks havoc on our household while we sleep. They enjoy the laugh, as do I, and it helps relieve tension and make light of things. He’s like our Elf on the Shelf only he can come out anytime, any day, not just at Christmas.

So what has our little gnome been up to lately? First, my husband left for Clearwater on the 6th despite knowing Hurricane Irma was heading straight for Florida. I tried to get him to cancel his flight but he insisted saying it was unlikely he would be affected. Since he has left he has since realized he will likely be in it’s path. The last information he gave me was that his hotel was sandbagging and taping windows in preparation. He is in a voluntary evacuation zone and his hotel is one of the designated shelters. He will be staying to ride out the storm. If they insist he evacuate he will likely head north to Georgia and stay with his aunt and uncle.

Then, the morning of the 8th, sleep still in my eyes, I was pouring milk into my middle son’s cereal and clumps rather than milk came out. Ick! Spoiled. Okay. So out came the other gallon of milk. Lumps. Ugh! Neither was set to expire until the 18th of September so I knew something was up. My husband had mentioned he thought the fridge felt warmer a few days before and I hadn’t noticed. So I went to check and sure enough it felt very warm. Crap!

The milk went down the sink, the kids went without cereal and I put ice cubes in the fridge since the freezer was still good and cold. I spent the rest of the morning looking for a repairman. Thankfully I found one but not after several early morning phone calls.

The whole day I felt off, as if the other shoe would drop any minute. When the repairman arrived he located the problem right away and went to defrosting the freezer. As he was leaving we were talking, me relieved the issue was resolved. I said, “Well it could have been worse. Our a/c could’ve gone out.”

Later I went upstairs and found the a/c thermostat was offline. It was an error message I hadn’t seen. When I saw it and it was unresponsive my heart sank and the words I had just said echoed in my head. I had to call the thermostat company and go through all kinds of steps to see if I could resolve the issue, even calling my BIL in to help. By this time it was near 9pm and I was exhausted. I ended up bursting into tears because the day had just worn me out. The a/c issue was not resolved, it was not the thermostat but we were too tired to try and figure it out. Thankfully the cool front meant the a/c was not needed while we slept. My guidance was saying to me, “Don’t worry” sending me calming waves of energy that I listened to. I could feel the issue would resolve but despite this I could not help but be overwhelmed from everything that had happened that day.

When I woke the next morning the thermostat was miraculously on but set to “heat”. I adjusted it and it showed no issue – like nothing had ever happened. I was suspicious. The night before I had called the company that installed the a/c and made an appointment. I decided to keep it. When the repairman arrived he said the drain had clogged, switching the unit off. Turns out a clogged bathroom sink was the culprit! Stupid gnome! lol 😉

Now maybe all of the above is just normal and I shouldn’t have gotten upset, and honestly I normally wouldn’t, but for some reason that day did me in. I kept thinking about my husband being gone and so maybe on a subconscious level concern for his well-being was seeping in. There were, however, other issues bubbling up in dreamtime around the same time that likely were affecting me, too.

Dream: Dissed

I was standing in a crowded room wearing a white, no-frills wedding dress. I do not recall seeing or even looking at the groom but he was there. In front of me was our minister who was a female and very nice. There were many unknown people – friends – in attendance, but it was a small crowd. The time for the ceremony was quickly approaching but my mom was still not there, neither was the rest of my family. The minister urged me to continue anyway. It was 1pm and that was when the ceremony was suppose to start. Yet I was against it, wanting to wait. She told me the storm likely caused traffic jams and that they may not get through for hours. I asked if they could wait. She said she could.

I borrowed a cell phone and called my mom’s number. My older sister picked up. I could hear sounds of water and splashing in the background and knew they had opted to stay and swim rather than attend. I pushed it out of my mind hoping there was another explanation. I seemed to wait forever for my mom to get on the line. The longer she made me wait, the more sure I was that she was purposefully not coming to the wedding. I recall seeing an old family friend of my mom’s enter the church at the time and found it odd that she would be there but not my own mother.

When my mom finally did get on the line she was not very communicative. I asked her if she was coming saying, “We’ve been waiting for you!” She said she wasn’t coming. She didn’t say much else, communicating most without words that she was not in agreement with my marriage. I suddenly knew all that had transpired and why she was being so awful. She had allowed my sister and her family to live with them for many years. As a result I had not visited as often and so my mom had some resentment for that. At some point I had divorced my husband and met another man and my mom was not in agreement with how I handled the situation. I had been in love with another man while married and though I handled it appropriately and did not wander from my marriage, she didn’t like the new man nor did she like that I left my family/husband. So she was purposefully boycotting my wedding.

Sadness swept over me when I realized she was not coming and doing it on purpose. I felt cut off and abandoned. At the same time I had a “let her go” feeling that was stronger than my wanting to attack or defend myself and/or my actions to her, become bitter/vengeful or try to get her to understand. I hung up the phone and let the situation go but the feeling of sadness didn’t go away.

I woke up, eyes still closed, surprised and not knowing where I was or who I was for a moment. I searched in my mind for a focal point that made sense, a memory of date/time/location. What I recall of this time is seeing flashes of yellow tinged “memories”, like I was traveling along a memory path. I found a memory linked to this life and when I opened my eyes I wondered what I had just seen. It felt like a premonition.

Dream: Disturbing Facial

In this dream I had gone to get a facial. The women giving it to me seemed nice and I was making conversation. She had a peculiar look about her and I was curious. She was giving me a facial of some sort and I remember after it was over asking her about herself and her being quite closed mouthed. She made it seem like she was not allowed. She looked like she may have been a transgendered person because though she appeared feminine she had short hair and some masculine qualities. She had gotten her breasts done and was showing them to me through her clothing. This caused me to be more curious but she would not let me get too close and always backed away from me.

I left and when I returned at another time I found some suspicious activity going on in the same place. There were men with tattoos who seemed menacing and they were asking me if I wanted some of their “services”. The feeling was it involved drugs and sex but there was no evidence.

When I returned again there was a man passed out on the floor who had been given a drug of some sort. I watched them do the same with another man, tempting him with some large, green drink that caused him to immediately pass out after he drank it. The man had hundreds of dollars in his pockets but they didn’t steal it. Instead they stood staring at him and laughing.

That was when they took me and had me lay down on a table. They showed me some “ingredients” to make feces – a white, crumbly clay was one of them and some dark soil as well. They took the mixture and shoved it down my throat asking me how it felt/tasted. I immediately got up and retched, coughing it out and then asking for water to wash out my mouth. I had to swish water around in my mouth several times but could not get rid of the grit left from the mixture. The men were laughing at me.

I left in a hurry and brought back someone to show them what was going on. When we got there they had cleaned out the room and it was empty and spotless.

I ended up at my mom’s making myself lunch and getting ready to head to school. My sister, cousin and mom were present and I knew things were much different than how they are in this reality. My cousin was building a house on my grandparent’s land but had run out of money. My mom was to live with her. My grandfather was still alive and had been grumpy about helping build the house. My mom was not happy and very miserly. She was single and old and my sister was not like she is in this life but seemed independent and helpful. I recall making my lunch for school and then trying to leave but my car was blocked by tons of other cars.

 

Florida Prepares For Major Hit By Hurricane Irma

CARIBBEAN SEA – SEPTEMBER 8: In this NASA/NOAA handout image, NOAA’s GOES satellite shows Hurricane Irma (C) in the Caribbean Sea, Tropical Storm Jose (R) in the Atlantic Ocean and Tropical Storm Katia in the Gulf of Mexico taken at 15:45 UTC on September 08, 2017. Hurricane Irma barreled through the Turks and Caicos Islands as a category 4 storm en route to a destructive encounter with Florida this weekend. (Photo by NASA/NOAA GOES Project via Getty Images)

Considerations

When I awoke I felt like these dreams were either me visiting alternate timelines or the byproduct of some lesson/discussion going on in dreamtime. I felt like the first dream was a premonition. It felt very much like premonitions, do. The quality of them is different from regular dreams but it is hard to describe. It is like a “pay attention” feeling.

The other dream seems to be me confronting a part of me that is distasteful to me. It goes along with the ghetto dream I had not long ago where I visited a part of myself I felt was “unclean”. There is an inspection needed of the parts of myself that are lustful and sexual. That part of me tends toward addiction and seeks out pleasure over pain. Lately I have had images of sexual scenes in my mind that come out of the blue. They are quite orgy-like and likely from another lifetime, though I am not certain. I have a curiosity about them but do not linger on them. However, I am having a lot of root chakra Kundalini activity that makes me especially sexually aroused for no reason. I suspect the dreams, visions and sexual urges go hand-in-hand. Yet I cannot help but wonder if I have gone “sexually insane” or maybe I have entered into that talked about “sexual peak” that women in their 40s experience? There is from this unintended burst of sexual tension both an interest and repulsion in reaction to these sexual urges.

With all of the above going on in dreamtime it is likely it is bubbling up into my consciousness during my waking hours and influencing me more than I know. The hurricane and it’s path toward my husband does not feel to be an issue and overall I feel calm about his situation and know he will arrive home safely, though maybe a bit delayed. Last night as I was considering the three hurricanes now in the Gulf, the massive 8.0 earthquake that hit Mexico and all the fires in the Northwest, I can’t help but feel like my early premonitions of Earth changes are slowly coming to pass. My guidance has long urged me to “stay put” in Central Texas because it will be “safe”. I have seen the coastlines of the U.S. in visions and was told it was not advised that I live near any of them. On one coast the threat of earthquakes is high, on the other ocean surges will engulf the low lying areas time and time again. To think of it all made me shudder. No wonder I have been so uppity the last few days.

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Increasing OUTput

Something in the energy shifted over night. I will say that it is not a bad energy, but it is one that demands we get our shit together pronto. Or maybe that is just me that needs to do that, but I highly doubt that.

When I awoke this morning I felt heavy and depressed about what is coming. It is not because what is coming is bad necessarily but that it involves getting back on the 3D Train – interacting with people outside my family on a regular basis again, playing the 3D game.

I recently read that the Universe gives back what you give out. What you give, you receive. I believe this and have seen it in action. My journey has been focused inward for the past year. Though I give of myself to my family and some of my friends, my OUTput has fallen far below that of my INput. It’s time to balance that out whether I like it or not.

Tomorrow I have a job interview. Today I have a session to help me clear up some of the confusion that has come with the varied spiritual experiences of my transformation. I just need some clarity and am hoping that I find it. If I do end up working full-time again then I will not be online as often. But I feel I need a break from the web and social media anyway. Some distance will do me good.

My tummy is not happy with me today. Probably because of all the change I sense coming my way. Just thinking of working full-time again makes me nauseous. Yet I know that I need to take that step even if for a little while.

The sessions I will be doing will hopefully take me into some as of yet unseen past lives or even into lives I already know exist but need to be inspected more closely. I need answers and they can only be found within. Up until now I have been unable to find them on my own. Perhaps with some guidance and time dedicated to myself for this specific purpose, I will find the missing pieces to the puzzle. Too many distractions have led me into a semi, spiritual stagnation. You all may not see evidence of this, but I do.

Honestly, today I feel like disappearing completely from the worldwide web. I guess you all will know what I decide soon enough because I will just stop posting and interacting.

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Two Recent Signs

The universe has been sending me some pretty obvious messages lately that I wanted to share.

Blue Jay

Blue Jay has visited me before back in January, but recently he is showing himself again. The first time was quite unexpected and unusual. I cannot recall just when this happened (a couple of weeks ago maybe?) but on a walk with my youngest one afternoon I came upon three baby blue jays hopping about on the sidewalk. They were too young to fly yet, so likely they had prematurely falling from their nest. They had enough feathers and ability to fly short distances but would have been an easy catch if I had wanted to do that. Instead, my son and I stopped and watched the three babies bounce about and chirp to their parents in the trees above.

I had never seen a baby Blue Jay before. In fact, I have not seen many jays in my lifetime, at least not this close up. When I lived a hour north of my location now blue jays were very, very rare. Here near the city they are more common, this year especially.

In addition to the close encounter with the baby jays I have a pair of blue jay parents dive bombing my bird feeder. I purposefully bought a finch feeder with very tiny perches to keep the larger birds away. I prefer feeding the pretty songbirds like Cardinals. Anyway, the jay is very smart and has figured out how to get to the seed despite being way to big for the feeder. I have been watching as they grab some sunflower seed, take it to a nearby tree to eat and then return for more. The somehow manage to get the seed by balancing on the lower perches sideways, wings flapping. They also have babies that look like adults who they share their winnings with.

Eleven

As if the Blue Jays weren’t enough of a hint, the universe decided to give me a more obvious message. Yesterday afternoon I kept feeling something on the inside of my pants that created a slightly annoying itch. I brushed my leg several times and the last time I noticed something was stuck to my leg. I pulled it off and it was this:

11

Though the image is very large here, this is a tiny sticker maybe half and inch square. It is likely an inspection sticker from my pants. When I saw it I laughed out loud. The universe couldn’t have been anymore obvious!

When looking up the angel number of 11 I usually go to the Joanne Sacred Scribes website. This time, however, that explanation did not feel right. So I went to this site instead. I like how it immediately states that the number 1, which is doubled in 11, indicates a new chapter or fresh start. Two ones together, 11, symbolize a doorway. New opportunities await.

The message hit me hard while I was doing yoga. This is not unusual, something about yoga intensifies the connection I have with my Team. Usually my crown or third-eye will light up. I was hit very hard with a realization that something profound was approaching. I remember the realization made me hold my breath because the consideration of “it” made me a bit nervous. It was primarily a feeling so I can’t say what exactly “it” is. Regardless, the message of 11 was reinforced.

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Toroidal Fields and the Etheric Blueprint

It was an odd night. Oh how I wish I could remember my dreams! But it seems that upon waking I go into amnesia-mode and all is lost. Some of it returns later, but everything is mixed up and makes no sense. And I am so, so very drowsy! When my guidance tries to communicate with me, I can’t seem to stay in the in-between and end up drifting into dreams only to find my guide looking crossly at me and sending, “Why do we bother if you aren’t going to pay attention?”

Night Sweats

I awoke sometime early in the morning drenched in sweat. My sheets were wet and I was very uncomfortable. I had to get up to dry off. I have not had an experience such as this since I was taking Zoloft way back in the late 90’s. The antidepressant always had that side-effect and I hated it. Yet here I was sweating in the same manner and I haven’t touched that medication in over a decade, nor am I taking anything now other than vitamins and supplements. Weird.

My mind was alert to the fact that I had just been in a very in-depth dream, but at the time I could not remember it. I knew something important was going on, but unfortunately I could not keep my mind awake and fell back to sleep quite quickly, wet sheets and all.

Messages

I awoke right on schedule at 5:30am. Still tired and a bit irritated I tried to return to sleep but was reminded of the night sweat episode and the dream prior to it. I knew somehow that I had visited a place I had been visiting for a few weeks now. This place was very sterile looking – white and gray colors with tall ceilings and a hospital-like feel. In the dream I recall flashes of being with a group of people and several “dying” or being abducted. Intermixed with the dream symbols there is a vivid memory of what appears to be a very large moon – white and glowing like our moon. However, the feeling is that it is not a moon but a planet or something similar. The word that came into my mind was Chiron.

Upon researching Chiron, I found it is a planet or asteroid that often affects ones chart. It is a mediator between Uranus and Saturn. “Also known as the Planet of Healing, Chiron deals with all aspects of health and disease and how they affect our spiritual path.”

Curious, I looked up where Chiron falls in my chart. It is the 1st degree Taurus. Here was the explanation:

Interpretation of the 1° Taurus symbolic degree

“A dying man lies on the ground under the beams of the sunset. A half-naked woman passes by, limply reclining on a small chariot pulled by a horse.” (Janduz version)

Lazy, passive, and weak character. Ambitions are overwhelming and out of proportion. This is the reason why any effort remains useless. It is necessary to set oneself goals which match one’s capacities. This degree warns against risks of fraudulent bankruptcy, or destruction, caused by natural disasters such as earthquakes, fire, etc.

As I tried to remain focused upon what I was receiving, I saw a vivid image of a drawing. In the drawing were two identical representations of a human standing within what appeared to be a grid-like field. One of the human’s grids was egg-shaped and the other was more pointy with the field extending out from the left and right side of the body. I knew instantly that the two drawings were representative of toroidal fields. There was instant disinterest from me at this point. I just don’t care to get into all that and my guides know this. Yet, they continued to show me the image and I heard then, “Etheric blueprint” and knew that there was an exchange of one blueprint for another occurring. This has something to do with the soul exchange but again, I lost interest and fell into dreams. That is when I got the message that my guides didn’t want to waste their time if I was not going to pay attention. lol My response? Why am I so dang tired??

It is not lost to me that others who follow my blog (and vice versa) have also gotten information recently on blueprints and toroidal fields. Why am I getting this information now? I was too tired to ask and honestly I am still too tired. Seems I am getting an upgrade of some sort and this involves some major healing on the etheric level.

My dreams have been focusing on my past lately (lots of ex’s) and I am also seeing vast expanses of blue, either in dreams about the ocean or just seeing the blue completely fill my visual field. I suspect this is part of the healing that is occurring and the blue represents the throat chakra. So many pieces of the puzzle are clicking into place. I just wish my mental faculties were alert enough to process all the information. I suppose that after this healing is concluded I will be more able to understand it all.

 

 

 

 

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Practicing Pranayama

I have been practicing Pranayama since my last OBE indicated this would be necessary for me to progress spiritually as well as to aid in dropping the astral body. So far I have just been following my intuition as to the breathing I am doing. I have some experience with Pranayama via Kundalini yoga, so I am not completely in the dark.

I practiced Pranayama about three times yesterday, maybe more. This morning I did it as soon as I woke. Here is what I have noticed thus far:

  • My body does not like long, deep breathing. Currently I can only count to six before I feel as if I am being suffocated. lol This is likely too long (counting to four is most common) but it takes counting to six to fully expand my lungs. Sitting upright or laying down makes no difference.
  • My heart chakra lights up as if my chest is on fire. This happens mainly when I circulate my energy in conjunction with doing deep breathing.
  • The morning seems ideal for using energizing breath. I found that this really made me feel good and got me out of my mind fast. Afterward I ended up clearing my lungs of stuff I didn’t even know was there. Not so nice but then at least it is no longer in my lungs!
  • My energy body expands past my feet and head when prior to practicing the breathing techniques my energy feels more contracted.
  • If done at night, the breathing shifts me very quickly into a light then deep trance state. So far I am too distracted during the day to practice for more than a few minutes at a time.

An acquaintance of mine on FB mentioned that the energy circulation practice my guides showed me sounded very much like something called the microcosmic orbit meditation or the small universe meditation. These are associated with Quigong. When I reviewed some of these meditations on YouTube I found that they are in fact very similar to how I circulate my energy while doing deep breathing.

Here are two videos I found. I have not done them yet but plan on it when I get time alone.

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Recent Happenings

This post is just on random things I have been noticing but have not had time to write about.

Starchildren

It has become clear to me that my middle child, who is about to turn 5 in January, is definitely a starchild. He Remembers and is telling us about it.

For a few weeks now he has been calling people “humans” and does not associate himself with the word “human” at all. In fact, he gets very serious about how he is NOT a human.

For example, yesterday he wanted to play with his new tent. I was telling his daddy that it was two person tent. My son said to us afterward that he wanted to sleep in it but thought he couldn’t. He said, “But it is only for humans!” My husband and I laughed and said, “You are a human”. He said, “I am NOT! I want to sleep in it but I’m not human!”. We asked him who humans were and he said, “Not me. I’m a kid”. So we assumed he meant humans = adult. He refused that explanation, too. We just let him not be a human and joined him by saying we weren’t humans either but we can sleep in the tent because non-humans can sleep in it, too. 🙂

Aliens

My children keep referring to me as an alien. I finally asked why and my daughter said they were playing a game. I asked what I looked like and my son said, “You look like you but it is not really you. You put on a costume that looks like you do now”. I asked him to explain. He showed me. He said, “You put on your body, like this” and then pretended to put on a body. I laughed because he is so right! He couldn’t tell me what I looked like underneath.

Real Dreams

My middle son has been telling me about his dreams lately. He knows I “leave my body”, as does his sister, but he has never talked about his dreams. Then a few days ago he went on and on about one of his dreams. He said, “I was in our house mommy but it was empty and it was REAL! I walked around for a while and there was nothing in our house but it was REAL, mommy, real!” He continued to tell me how it was real. I asked him if he flies and told him I fly in my dreams. He said, “No, I walk I think”. I asked, “Do you have legs?” He thought really hard and said, “No. I think I float”. Bingo!

Other Comments

My daughter has been asking questions lately, too. She asked me one morning, “Mommy, what is real?” Now I know she knows the difference between real and make-believe but this was a question brought on by a conversation about ghosts. She likes to ask questions about them. We had talked a while about ghosts and then I forgot about it. Then she asked what real was. I asked her to think about it. She has not gotten back to me but I am sure she will.

Besides my children who constantly amaze me, my older sister called me yesterday. She never calls me. We had just spent time together over the holidays and had a really cool conversation about the show Ancient Aliens. She and her husband believe the same as me, which really shocked me. We had fun talking about it among other things. Then, when my sister called me, she said, “I was really attracted to your energy when we were at Mom’s house. Your energy was different. I don’t know how, but it was nice. You seemed really, really happy.” Now I didn’t have this experience at all. I was struggling with intense energy surges the whole time and kept to myself. However, when I was interacting with my family I felt really high and happy and was talking very, very fast and excited-like. I don’t know why. Maybe I am happy? What a thought.

Intense Heart Issues

One more random thing. After a week of being a sloth-person I decided to visit the gym. I go at least 4 times a week. It’s my escape and I physically push myself which is kind of like meditation for me because I can’t think when I am working out. Anyway, on the way to the gym my heart was pounding and burning through my chest non-stop. It continued while I was lifting weights and I had to cut my workout short because my heart would not stop and it sent me into anxiety/panic attack mode. On the drive home it continued but the closer I got to home, the less intense the energy until it just completely calmed down.

The thought came to me that maybe I should not be going to the gym. This is not the first time I have had this thought. This is also not the first time my heart has been crazy on the way to and during my workout. It seems to be screaming at me to not go there. But I like going to the gym! 😦

 

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Spiritual Demographer

While communicating with E’Fonin in the early hours of the morning, I fell into the in-between state several times.

Business and Spiritual Demographer

Upon waking I had thoughts about my business return to me. This time, however, they were recognizing a synchronicity that had occurred but been missed.

A few days ago I got the idea that I needed to begin researching my next product. I put it off because I have yet to see my current product take off in the way I wanted. Then the idea came again the next day but I again put it off.

Then, yesterday, while talking to my husband on Bluetooth on his way home from the airport, he suggested that I go ahead and begin looking for a new product to launch. His exact word were, “Looks like its time to launch another product”. One of his passengers just happened to also be selling on Amazon and agreed.

These memories all came together quite obviously and I acknowledged the message. This is when I fell into the in-between and I responded to a comment made by E’Fonin about balancing the spiritual and the physical and performing the roles I have in each. I responded, “I am a spiritual demographer and a…” This brought me to full awareness. What the heck is a spiritual demographer?

Another Memory

I had another memory. I was putting codes into two objects. What is interesting about this is that the objects reminded me of something I had seen in a recent dream. They were some kind of device, long and cylindrical and metallic silver in color. These devices were to be use for good but could also be misused for bad, so it was very important to “code” them correctly. I remember seeing the codes etched in the metal and touching one of the devices. I believe their function had to do with light. They are held cradled against one’s side similar to how one would hold a very large, heavy gun. Then a light beam would seem to come out of them. The light is yellow and translucent and sparkly when it comes out. It is directed upward for some reason. Or maybe it is receiving light? Hmmm.

Lessons

After being asleep for about an hour, I awoke very suddenly as I caught part of myself preparing to leave my body. When I awoke, I remembered that this had been happening for quite some time now. I also remembered that I had been learning how to send parts of myself out – like on missions or something.

The reason I awoke this time is that I recognized the way the process works. An image forms in from of my eyes, similar to an OBE exit into a scene. But the image is static and 3D. It just floats in front of me. This is a “trigger” for part of me to go into the image and thus away from the me in my body.

From what I remembered, this occurs almost instantly upon me entering a light sleep state (trance). Sometimes more than one piece leaves in this way.

When I remembered these things, E’Fonin commented that I had been doing extremely well in this lesson and was almost ready for implementation. What it is used for I’m not sure. I am eager to resume OBEs, so hopefully that is what will happen when it is implemented.

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A Conversation with Robert

Yesterday, I kept thinking all day that I need to sit down and open up communication with my guide, but I couldn’t. My kids interrupt too much and I could not get my mind to settle. I’m thinking non-stop about my business and what I need to do. And when I’m not thinking about that, I am tending to my children’s needs and what I need to do for them.

Yet I knew that there needed to be a still time; a quiet time to Receive. I tried. Honestly I did, but when I did there was always an interruption. 😦

I knew that the information I was to receive was about the New human form. The human of the future. My curiosity was peaked.

When I read The Convoluted Universe Book 1 last night, it just so happened that the chapter I was reading was about this New human. It said the New human would not be physical like we are now, but we would have form and shape and be somewhat solid. Interesting.

A Conversation with Robert

Last night and this morning I was closely tended to by a guide I am not familiar with, at least not consciously. When I felt him last night, there came with him wave upon wave of loving energy. It came up from the base of my spine and then spread out with such a loving warmth that I could not ignore him or it.

When I awoke, he was there and very close. I could see him fairly clearly, especially his smile. And he radiated a feeling that made me smile. I cannot help but smile and almost giggle from his energy. It’s my favorite part about him.

He gave me a name – Robert – and I could not, still cannot, remember him no matter how hard I try. We talked for quite a while about the things that have been going on. He reminded me that everything I had been reading in the Convoluted Universe had already been given to me. I recognized this as true. This includes but is not limited to the information I have been given about “the end of times”, DNA alterations, merging with the Higher Self, ascension, the Shift, and even the ETs.

All of these things were written in the book but came after I had already received information. It is as if the book was meant to be confirmation of what I had received.

Yet it is still hard to believe and so I asked many questions of Robert. Who is he? Are the ETs real? Will there really be a New human, a New Earth, and a “rapture”?

His explanation of who he is makes sense. He said he is a part of me sent to assist me. He is me yet he is not. My Higher Self sent him to assist. He is my Remembering so to speak.

When I asked if the ETs are real, I hear they are but they aren’t. The not-realness has to do with them not being a part of this physical universe. Their realness is consciousness. Their involvement is via consciousness, via the part of us that is not physical. This is the best I can describe what I was given. I was asked in return, “Does it really matter who they are?”

And I replied, “No, it doesn’t”. And the subject was dropped.

When I asked about the New humans, I was told this is an evolutionary process. The information in the book I am reading is where we are headed, but it will take time and the process is much slower than the book relates. All matter of the physical universe is changing, evolving. This is the way it was meant to be. It was created to evolve.

The “rapture” is not as it is written in the Bible. It is not to occur at the physical level. It is a purely spiritual process, one that is individual.

The experiences I have brought back with me from my time OOB and in-between are symbolic representations of what has actually occurred. To see what truly occurred would be incomprehensible to the human mind. It must be surpassed to truly Know. Because of this, it is best to focus on the feeling of the experience rather than the symbolism.

We discussed at length my struggles in this life, specifically that it seems time goes by so slowly and it takes so long to get what I want. I wondered why it took me so long to get to this level of awareness, why did it take so many lives?

And with that last question I quickly reviewed my last three lives and saw very clearly that I was incorrect in thinking that I just now became aware. I have had the awareness, this connection with my Higher Self, much longer than just this life. It has always been there. And I saw it. I remembered it. I remember feeling the homesickness in my life in Mississippi as a black woman. I remember this awareness in my life in the Midwest when I was molested and emotionally abused by my father.

I remember this awareness in the very beginning of this life and I saw just how very different from my family I am. I was born into a family that is not mine in Spirit. I was born with awareness, with a deep connection to my Higher Self, to the All. They were not. No wonder I felt so different from them.

It made me sad but at the same time it humbled me. There is so much I do not know consciously, yet I can feel so much of what I know if I just tune in.

Robert continued to remind me of my progress. His smile and the feeling of joy that he brings is so lovely. I am grateful to have been given his assistance.