Category Archives: Dreams

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Lucid Dreaming Course Notes

Last week I started a lucid dreaming course. Normally I wouldn’t bother but the course kept coming up and I figured, “Why not? Maybe I will learn something new? If anything it will be a good reminder.”

The following are points that apply to me. There is much more content, of course, but these are the most applicable to my current situation.

1. It is not recommended to attempt lucid dreaming if you are depressed or frequently experience moments in waking reality that seem dream-like. 

2. Older people tend to have less emotional energy and therefore have to work harder to lucid dream. He gave an example of how senior citizens don’t see the point and struggle to find motivation to even try while young people are excited to try. He suggested that older people try to get more positive and focus on maintaining positive, higher energy to take with them into dreamtime.

3. You need a goal when you dream. Going into a lucid dream without a goal is not enough to sustain it.

With number 1, I am definitely depressed, and this fits into my realization that the reason I’m not having experiences (OBEs, lucid dreams, Kundalini, anything at all) is because I am so disinterested in life and pretty much everything. Lack of interest in the waking world has seeped into all other areas. Long ago I decided I didn’t care about dreams anymore and no longer paid attention to them. My husband also told me that “no one cares about my dreams” and he doesn’t understand why I spend so much time writing about them in my blog (ugh).

I got into the habit of waking, recalling the dream and thinking, “It doesn’t matter” and going back to sleep. Of course I then forget the dream. Sometimes I will still remember, but not usually. And it is frequent that I look around me and think of waking reality as unreal and dreamlike. I don’t hallucinate or have any confusing experiences but the dreamlike quality of life is real to me. However, I’ve always been this way and it did not pose a problem in the past except maybe at one point I had to deliberately stop going OOB because I was having confusing waking experiences.

With number 2, now that I am in my 40s I have noticed that my sleep cycle has changed. I sleep much more deeply and when I wake up in the night the heavy feeling and grogginess pulls me quickly back into sleep. Even when I do have slight awareness in dreams I end up feeling so very heavy that I actually choose to return to that oblivion rather than take advantage of the awareness and lucid dream. So, if this translates to emotional energy level, then I can relate. 

For number 3, I frequently run into the issue of having no goal or direction. I enter a lucid dream or OBE and have no idea of what to do. I feel like I’ve done it all and when I ask to be shown things, I get nowhere. So, I go explore and end up finding restrictions such as windows I can’t go through, solid walls and objects, and find places/environments that really don’t interest me. It feels like physical waking reality and since I’m not interested in that then it translates to no interest in astral or lucid states.

Creating a Dreamsign

In the course, one assignment was to find a dreamsign to use to help bring lucidity in a dream. The sign should make you pause and think in a dream, thus bringing on lucidity. It took me no time to figure out what mine was – a cat. Not only do I not like them but when I see them I am immediately curious as to why they are there. Sometimes there is a group of them chasing me or at other times they are bedraggled and sickly. No matter what I always wake up with memory of them.

I didn’t think much when I set the intention before bed. I said that I would see an orange cat and wake up in the dream (I used the wrong words and this is important). Well, the first dream I had there was an orange cat. I remember thinking, “A cat!” and then I woke up immediately and with a start. lol

So, the wording is important and in this case it caused me to wake up. I should’ve said, “When I see a cat it will bring increased awareness” or “When I see a cat I will know I’m dreaming”. Sigh.

I’m pretty sure another one of my dreamsigns is that I receive a message, either written or spoken, in a dream. I have worked hard to remain in the dream to receive the full message. In the past it would wake me immediately.

It is frustrating to me that I either wake up too fast or choose to sink deeper into unconsciousness. This is a clue to what is happening in my waking reality. When I’ve looked more closely at why this is, I realize that it all started around 2018 as the result of two unpleasant experiences related to the Kundalini. Both I’ve written about in this blog. One is the heart connection and the other is a subsequent connection that involved the lower four chakras and had no heart chakra involvement. The second experience was similarly upsetting and disappointing but did not devastate me like the first.

If I look even closer I realize that these experiences caused me to feel betrayed by my HS, the Universe, All That Is. It made me feel like a pawn. I was played. I don’t like feeling like a fool, and that is exactly how I felt after these experiences. And to my betrayed mind, because both were preceded by dream encounters, I opted to dull that part of myself so as to not get fooled again. I also consciously asked for my heart to close where it had once been open. I figured if my heart isn’t open then it can’t be decimated.

My early spiritual experiences came easily because I had no biases, beliefs or previous experiences. I was a blank canvas, naïve and open to anything new and exciting. Often my guidance would show me this in OBEs. For example, one time I ran naked towards a familiar guide and he took a white, circular table cloth and covered my nakedness. This came with a warning that it wasn’t wise to be so open. Nakedness = vulnerability. He was, of course, correct, and I got burned.  

So far the course has been helpful in that it has shown me why I am having an extended dry spell. Still, I don’t have high hopes that much will change. I am keeping a written dream journal by my bed and forcing myself to write notes so that I recall more. I am setting intentions and following the suggestions in the course. If anything, it is a good reminder and gives me something to do. 

Here is a link to the course I am taking if you are interested.

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Dream: Healing the Wounded Feminine

What a relief! The heavy, tense, depressed energy has cleared and I am feeling so much more positive! 🙂

Dreams

Had some major healing dreams last night. I tried staying awake when I woke around 2am so that I would have a lucid dream or OBE. Instead, I woke a couple of hours later in tears from an intense, eye-opening dream. 

I think there were two dreams very close together that were on the same topic.

In the first one, I was being asked questions about considering a relationship with someone. It played out as both a dream and discussion with interludes in between where I was left to ponder the information.

The visuals were of us meeting in a plain white room to have sex and I would leave despite him wanting me to stay, talk, connect, etc. I wasn’t interested in anything deeper. It was a kind of “friends with benefits” situation but in real life I wouldn’t even call us friends, more like acquaintances. I was asked why I chose to do this and I explained that I didn’t see a point – I have everything I need and want in life. I listed out my children, my home, my job and even my current relationship. It was clear I saw the prospect of having a more meaningful, deeper connection with this guy as a distraction and waste of time.

There wasn’t a distinct shift into the next dream. I entered a room where I watched as a FB acquaintance of mine had agreed to connect with a man. “Connect” here would be defined as coming into Union; a Kundalini connection ie. merging of the masculine and feminine in physical reality. I recognized her straight away. She is stunningly beautiful IMO. She was laying down and the man was kneeling over her. They were facing each other and she had completely let go, opening herself up to him in all ways. In her vulnerability the man had full control and I could feel the energy between them. It was intense but muted in the dream. He asked her to guide him so that he could give her what she wanted and needed. When she told him what she needed he paused and sat back on his heels. Looking at her with a smirk on his face, he said something insulting and degrading but I can’t remember his exact words now. She immediately shut down and curled up into a fetal position. The man laughed. 

I felt horrible for her as I could feel what she was feeling. It was a feeling I knew all too well. I approached her and knelt down beside her. I asked her what she needed. I was shown her wounds. It was quite shocking. I saw a visual of the man cutting away her entire left side. He left it on the ground next to her. It looked like a giant piece of jerky, a cut from her armpit to her hip bone. It was clear the man had stolen a part of her and it had a physical impact as well as an emotional and spiritual one.

Then I was laying down next to her dressed in a white shift. A woman asked me what I needed. It was like I was the other woman as well as myself. I could feel everything she felt plus my own stuff. I told her how I felt but the memory of it is not in words but in actual feelings. The feeling is immense grief, sadness and depression, more than any person should have to carry. I wanted only to sleep, to somehow escape the heaviness of it all. 

It was at this time I reached out my hand and found the hand of the other woman who was laying injured beside me. I could see her delicate hands almost lifeless next to me. I gently opened her fingers and held her hand. She gripped my hand and I took my other hand and placed it on top. The message I sent her was, “You’re not alone. We’re in this together.” When I did this I began to sob. It was as if I could feel all the pain and grief of every woman who has ever existed. 

Realization

I woke up with tears still streaming down my face and processed all the information that was still coming through from the dream. 

Prior to sleep I had watched a show about the Yanomami Indians of Brazil. I had studied this group when in college and so was interested in how things had changed since then. In the end, it reminded me of how important balance is, not only to the planet but to humanity. I had gone to sleep thinking of this balance, especially between masculine and feminine.

I had also decided that if I woke in the night and had slept for at least five hours that I would try to stay awake long enough to sort of “reset” my sleep clock so that I could more easily lucid dream or go OOB. So, around 2am, this is what I did. I had a sense that something was going to happen anyway, but I didn’t know what.

Why this sense? For two nights prior I had dreams of driving trucks. In one it was a semi-truck and in another just a regular truck. Both were white. I rarely dream of trucks and it is even rarer that I’m driving. Trucks in general represent hard work. In both dreams the context indicated healing work. There was also focus on the second chakra, which I have long had issues with (most women do).

So when I awoke there was complete understanding about the healing taking place and why. 

The first dream indicates that I am avoiding deeper connections, specifically with men. I give many reasons for this, but the real reason is revealed in dream two. It became crystal clear to me that I push away deeper connections with men because of a massive wound, a wound that all women have. It is the result of men misusing their power over women, using it to control, manipulate, abuse and enslave. 

Though I don’t mention it in the second dream, I could feel the very natural, vulnerability of being a woman along with the many gifts of the feminine. That vulnerable feeling is our natural state. We are made to be healers, to nurture and protect our children, to nourish our family, to flow in love and support of others. We willingly open ourselves up to the masculine as our protectors and initiators of change. To feel this way is a relief but with it comes something unnatural – fear. I now understand that fear more fully. 

In the Yanomami documentary, the women of the tribe get to a point where they have to come together in order to provide what the men cannot. The men can’t find enough game to hunt because of changes in the ecosystem brought about by heavy mining by the white man. Their water has been tainted with mercury and the forest cut down. Many of the men go with the miners back to the city and don’t come back. So the woman have had to take on the additional role of provider. They weave baskets to trade for food.

The wound I carry and all women carry was very obvious in the early morning hours. I asked my guidance, “How do I heal it?” The answer I received was, “A man”, and saw that the only way to heal, for me at least, was to find a man who can fully step into his role. The hardest part for me would be to open up fully to him, to be vulnerable and allow him the power I fear he will abuse. 

The only way to overcome fear is to face it. 

I could also see how many women have chosen other women to fulfill the masculine role. The acquaintance in dream two is one of those women. I know instinctively this is not a path for me. However, it is often other women who are best at helping one another find their hidden feminine gifts. Society has taught women to be more masculine than they are naturally inclined to be. We have to rediscover our feminine nature. For me, it has been through K connection (merging) that I’ve finally glimpsed my full, feminine potential. 

Finally, it was crystal clear that any healing I do on myself is also done on all women. Like I said in the dream, “We’re in this together.” 

I know it is possible for me to do what is needed, to be fully open and vulnerable. I have done it before. In the past I was not given what I needed, similar to the dream, so I retreated and my walls went back up. I doubt I will ever trust this particular individual again and it saddens me. I wish I wasn’t so cautious. I wish my natural defense mechanisms wouldn’t kick in automatically, but they do. My Ego/logical mind says, “Protect yourself. Take care of yourself.” 

This song was on my mind when I woke. When I researched the lyrics this section indicated to me:

So, I made you think that I would always stay
I said some things that I should never say
Yeah, I broke your heart like someone did to mine
And now you won’t love me for a second time

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Dream Message: The Walls will Crumble

It has been a while but I finally had some vivid, memorable and informative dreams.

Dream: Laughing Over the Hill

The dream is fuzzy but I remember walking along a long, paved road in the country towards a town in the distance. The road (life path) had no lines on it and it was very straight with only a slight rise in slope as it progressed towards the town. I couldn’t see the town, though, all I saw was a glimmer of sunlight in the distance like a sunrise or sunset.

I walked off the road at some point and walked along a path that had handrails along it. I began to run and ran through some trees to where there was an very steep drop to a vast green field. I ran into the field, arms wide, feeling freedom and relief. The grass was a pale green and tall, up to my knees. It was a soft, pastel green, that soothed my soul (healing).

I was about halfway into the field when I stopped, looked up at the complex and lost my breath. It was so massive that it intimidated me. It looked alien and somewhat military, but I didn’t know what it was. The combination of the massive structure and vast, endless sky overwhelmed me. There was a fleeting thought that someone would soon become aware of my presence and I didn’t want to find out what they might do about it. Feeling quite exposed, I turned back towards the tree line. When I got there, I lay down in the green grass, arms and legs splayed, waiting for the sun to rise. 

With the trees just behind me, I waited there, and saw a glimmer of orange in the sky indicating the sun was soon to rise. A song was in my head and I sang aloud, feeling happy and relaxed. The sun rose in front of my eyes and the murky twilight was chased away by its rays. 

A man’s voice broke the silence and I sat up, still humming the song. I don’t remember seeing him, just hearing him. He was asking me a question, but I can’t remember it now. I got up, sensing he was a groundskeeper or caretaker of the property, and walked up to the tree line.

From there the dream shifts and I am talking with a woman about the complex. I don’t know if it is the massive one I saw or another one. It felt like a museum but also a place of learning. I walked along the railed paths and saw children. Was it a school? I remember discussing this. I recall thinking of my children and smiling to myself. It is such a great joy to watch them learn and grow.

The topic of the song I had been singing came up. It is hard to recall now but I remember singing it and it had “fa la la”. When I woke up this morning I had an old song on my mind from my childhood.

“Laughing singing, laughing singing, come the children over the hill. Fa la, la la la, la la la la, Ha, Ha, Ha, laughing over the hill.”

Dream: College Discussion

I was with a young man inside a space like a room. We were discussing completing degrees and he was doing his online. I remember happily asking him questions and he informed me that he was taking his classes from a school in Indiana while he was residing in another state. He was where I was so in the dream I assumed he resided in the same state as me. I told him that, unlike him, I went to the state where my college was located and completed my degree there. This was the entire dream and it seemed like I was communicating that there are two ways to learn – from a distance or in-person. I had selected in-person. This disccussion was a reminder that I chose to come to Earth to do “hands-on” learning.

Dream Message: Crumble Down

This dream was nearly lucid. 

First, there was a dream prior to the most lucid part. In it I was inside a house looking out massive floor-to-ceiling windows. It was clear that I was high up. I had a phone in my hand and was trying to take pictures and video (seeking to recall info) but when I turned on the camera and pointed the phone at what I wanted to record the screen showed something very different from what I was looking at. Instead I saw the inside of a house, but not the house or apartment I was in. I turned to check and sure enough it was not accurate to where I was located.

I fiddled with the phone and opted to just look through the camera into this other place. I saw the back of someone’s head. The hair was blonde and cut short and they felt to be a young man, maybe a teenager. I looked around via the camera and saw a modern kitchen with straight lines and white cabinets and counter tops. I walked up to where the counter was and moved something to use as a test, a package of food like bread I think. I tried to take a photo and couldn’t, even when I flipped the camera around. 

Then the young man I had seen in the screen was next to me and we began to interact. We walked along a covered path that ran along vast fields of various crops. There was wheat and another, fat leafed crop I didn’t recognized. I remember planting seeds (creation) in the areas where the crops had not flourished and coming back around to check on them after some time had passed. They hadn’t grown as much as I had liked and I touched the soil. One section was moist but not the other. The areas also didn’t get as much sun as they should. I concluded the seeds were not getting enough of what they needed to grow (lack of energy, growth).

Then we were back inside. The blonde man was with me but so were some younger children. The topic of accidentally seeing a sibling naked (vulnerable, open) came up. With the discussion came visuals and memories of me trying to hide my nakedness. I remember saying that at some point I just stopped caring if anyone saw me naked. There was a feeling with saying this, like relief and utter lack of concern, that seemed to opened me up to the shift that came next.

I was laying prone (face down) on a table, completely naked. I could feel a pleasant massaging of my back. It was slow and sensual and every touch relaxed me more. It was warm but the touch was not like normal touch. Instead it was energetic, as if each touch was opening up a new part of my energy body, allowing the energy to flow fully into places that once had restricted flow. I could feel the energy, but only slightly, as if it was muted.

While laying there I got flashes of the person providing me with this massage. I cannot recall his features now but he was not familiar to me. He had large, brown eyes and was quite thin. I want to say his skin was darker than mine, but it is hard to say. 

We were talking and I called him by name: John. What he told me I repeated aloud to myself. When I repeated his words there was a visual. I could see myself as if I was watching from over the top of my prone body. I could see that I was completely naked and I could see walls all around me. The walls were silvery and translucent and were not very high, only about a foot higher than my body. With the words I spoke I saw all the walls crumble down, outlining my body in a silvery dust. The words are lost to me, unfortunately, but there were three sentences. The feeling upon waking was that something would happen that would make it impossible for me to keep those walls in place. When they fell, they would all crumble at the same time. 

When I saw/said this, I shifted my awareness back to the me laying on the table. I had a strong urge to turn around and look at the man helping me. The urge made me want to give back to him what he was giving me. The sense of the energy was familiar and magnetic but also very gentle and loving. My entire body felt alive with this energy. Had I felt it fully it most definitely would’ve woken me. 

As it was, the energy was strong enough that my lucidity peaked and I lingered in the in-between for a bit. The man’s voice was with me in the in-between and I called him John again. He explained that all it would take was one “touch” and my walls would fall. With his words there was a sense that I have had before. When it happens I energetically open up, completely vulnerable and all defenses vanish. I’ve experienced this before. It is the most beautiful thing. There are no words to describe it.

Considerations

The above dreams together seem to indicate several things. One, I desire freedom but something is holding me back; I am afraid. Two, my path of learning is a hands-on, in-person one. Three, I am being asked to change my focus (the camera dream). Four, I am being warned that at some point in the future I will encounter someone or something that will break through my defenses. 

When I woke I lingered in bed feeling really groggy. I had a visual of myself once again. In it, I was laying in a fetal position and thought to myself, “I’m in a cocoon.” The walls from the dream are my protection. My Knowing tells me I’ve been in this state for some time and that it is purposeful. There is nothing wrong with it. I will emerge at exactly the right time.

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Disturbing Spirit Encounter

Went out to my mom’s yesterday to measure the RV for a flatscreen in the bedroom. It will fit a 40in! Taking out the old, bulky TV was not difficult but we made the mistake of taking out the larger one over the front. It was as if they built the shelving around the TV. My husband had to knock it hard to get it to come free. Unfortunately, it revealed a huge hole containing wires and such. We also found a handful of loose change and a country CD from 2000. lol

The cleanup was messy but I got most of the debris with the vacuum and broom. We need to take our upright vacuum out there to suck up some of the sawdust. My husband had to use a circular saw to cut two hanging boards and so there is dust all over the front end.

The idea in the back is to mount the TV and use the space behind it for storage. We’re not quite sure how we are going to do that yet. Either we build a “secret door” and mount the TV to it or we just mount the TV at the back of the open shelf and position it to cover the opening. 

In the front, well IDK. My husband wants to take the RV to an RV Shop and see if they can fix it and some other things. He should call and find out today (if he remembers). If I have extra time I might start in the bedroom with painting the walls and maybe the cabinets. I most definitely want to paint the walls. It may be a big undertaking, though, so not sure if I should if I am going to be sleeping in there.

We walked up on the hill of our soon-to-be 6.2 acre plot. I thought there use to be a road up there but if there was it was overgrown. My step-father was there and walked with us. He said it will be hard to get electric to the spots I have picked out. He said the electric company is very specific about where they place new poles. My husband suggested we just do it ourselves, running it undergrown alongside the waterpipe once we figure out where we will build. We agreed that a clearing should be done selectively, preserving as many trees (even the junipers) as possible so that it maintains the wild look we like. My husband wants it to resemble a lodge we frequent, with trails and sitting areas all about. I like his idea.

Good news is that the Wi-Fi is good enough for me to work from the RV when I am there! Yay! I plan to go out next week, probably Wednesday after I’ve cut checks for the week. I’ll stay the rest of the week and into the weekend. It will be a nice break. I might request a work laptop rather than try to use my tiny laptop like I did in Costa Rica. The keyboard is smaller and the screen not big enough for what I need. Regardless, it is good to know the internet is not going to be an issue. 

My spirits are way up compared to what they have been because of the plans with the RV and land. My husband even commented saying that he is pleased to see me so happy and it makes him want to do more in terms of creating a retreat space for me. This is very good news because he has been reluctant to help me up until now.

The bad news is that our tax bill is likely to be extremely high this year. Plus we have a loan recapture payment. With both we may end up with nothing in savings. Without the cash, building a cabin will take longer. I don’t want to get a loan for many reasons, mainly to avoid a mortgage payment but also because loans have requirements that will force us to make the cabin like any other house. I want it to be off-grid and I won’t make any compromises. My plan is to have solar panels with electric available but only as back-up. I don’t want a septic at all. Mortgages require a septic and in this area an aerated system, which is costly and requires a contract with a company to maintain it.

Sleep Disturbance

Around midnight last night I was awakened by something a bit disturbing. I was dreaming and remember a woman grabbing both my breasts, holding them in her hands and pressing hard against my chest. She was also shaking me a bit as if trying to get me to move. I remember her saying, “I hate you!” I don’t remember the dream aspect of it too vividly, just the very real feeling of her “attack”. I told her to stop and she wouldn’t listen. This is when I woke up.

When I awoke I could still feel her hands on my breasts but the pressure and pushing had stopped. I sent a mental query in case she was actually present. I heard back, “This is my house!” There was quite a bit of anger and I figured she was probably an Earthbound. I told her, “No it’s not. Now get out!” 

Eventually I had to get up and use the restroom and when I returned to bed I put up protection around my bedroom and then the entire house. I also said the Lord’s Prayer just in case because I could still feel her energy around. I told her one final time to go away and then returned to sleep and had no more encounters with her.

Strangely my children have been having odd encounters now and again. I laughed them off because they seemed minor. My daughter actually just had one a few nights ago. She said she could hear someone breathing right next to her had while she was laying in bed. She said it freaked her out and when I asked if she was afraid she said no. She said she just ignored it and fell asleep. I thought she might be asleep when this happened but she told me she had just gotten up to use the bathroom and was wide awake. I told her it seemed like someone in Spirit was attempting to scare her and to just ignore it, reminding her that they can’t hurt her.

I’ve decided to smudge the house just in case. I’ve had Spirit encounters in this house before but nothing like what I experienced last night. When I first started going OOB I had similar experiences and my house was a Spirit hot-spot with actual sightings (my BIL saw a man standing in my window, I heard the man yell at me and also saw him move the blinds to get my attention). 

Featured image is the entrance to the road leading to the back acreage (trees way in the background).

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Dreams: Birth and Wedding Preparations

Another night of vivid dreams. None lucid this time but that’s okay. Kinda glad I wasn’t lucid, especially for the first one.

Dream: Pooping a Baby

I felt an extreme pressure in my nether regions that felt like I needed to have a bowel movement. I went to the restroom and when I pushed ever so slightly I felt this huge mass of something down below. I reached down to feel what it was and felt this massive, round, solid lump. Immediately concerned because it felt like a baby’s head, I called my mom in to help. I told her, “I think I’m having a baby” she said, “Then we should go to a hospital right now.” The pressure below was extreme. I was dong everything in my power not to drop the baby right there. It is hard to describe the feeling. There wasn’t any pain, just intense pressure. Every pelvic floor muscle I had was activated to try and keep the baby inside. One look at my face and my mom said, “I don’t think we have time.” She instructed me to climb into an empty bathtub, which I did. I lay down and pushed. I could feel the mass moving out but was highly concerned it would be covered in feces. I never looked but could feel something wet, likely blood, coming out with the baby. The dream ended before the baby was fully born so I don’t even know if it was a baby, and if it was, whether it was alive or not.

When I woke the sensations of the dream lingered but disappeared fast. It was a weird feeling!

Dream: Vow Renewal Preparation

I walked into a church with my husband and a few others. There was quite a bit of activity inside with various small groups of people clustered together. It was soon clear they were all signing up for wedding ceremonies to be performed that day. I was wearing a wedding gown, so it was clear I was getting married, also. The whole thing felt a bit rushed, though, and all the people in the chapel made me anxious. 

We spent a little bit of time getting things in order such as who would be standing where and what time the ceremony would take place. A woman I didn’t recognize was to stand by my side. We discussed her holding my bouquet while the rings and vows were exchanged. I had no idea who she was but assumed she was just there to help, a stranger doing a good deed. She had shoulder length light brown, almost reddish blonde hair, a round face, and a short, chubby body. She seemed nice enough and I didn’t have any issues with her helping me. The thing that was concerning is I was completely unsure how I got there, who I was marrying and why. I concluded that the ceremony was a vow renewal.

I remember watching a group of very tall, black ladies walking toward the entrance/exit of the chapel. They were extremely loud and excited. The woman with me said she recognized one lady and even called out to her to say hello. The woman had an odd shaped body and I remember noticing. She had this roll of skin pushed up high under her breasts as if the pants she was wearing were too tight. It made her silhouette look unhuman and I thought to myself, “I’m glad I don’t look like that.” lol

Then it was time to talk to the man who would be doing the ceremony. He was short, older, and balding. I remember looking down at my dress at this time. It was long and white with some lace. I knew it was a wedding gown. It all felt really silly and unnecessary to me and I didn’t care about the details being discussed. The busy chapel and all the groups inside made the entire process even less appealing. I didn’t want to get married or re-married and if I did, I sure wouldn’t want it to take place here, tightly scheduled between other wedding parties. 

I woke up from the dream thinking, “What was that about? I would never do a vow renewal.” lol

Considerations

As I was typing the wedding preparation dream I remembered something that happened yesterday on my drive into work. 

I haven’t worn my wedding ring in years. I stopped because my husband never wore his (he welds and works with his hands) and I don’t like wearing jewelry. Yet yesterday, looking at my hands on the steering wheel, it felt like I had forgotten something. I had an urge to touch my ring finger where, in the distant past, I would fiddle with my ring and make sure the diamond was straight and centered (or it would cut my other finger). It all happened quite fast but I recognized the oddness of it in the moment. I wondered briefly if it had anything to do with my dream from the night before where I kept trying to remember who I married in this lifetime. I didn’t spend too much time thinking about it and promptly forgot about it….until now.

My BIL and SIL recently renewed their wedding vows in a very public way. My husband has since asked if we could do the same. He hasn’t pushed it on me but he has mentioned it a few times now. I am not interested. I didn’t want to have a public ceremony the first time we married. I wanted to elope. Yet he insisted and so I gave in and agreed to a church wedding. Honestly, if I could do it all over again I wouldn’t. So, that was probably why I was feeling like I was in the dream. I just wanted outta there! lol

The dream about giving birth may be related to the healing my guides referred to yesterday. When I said I wanted to go OOB they told me, “You’re still healing”. I wondered what they meant. I have since asked (after these dreams) them to elaborate. 

Having a strong urge to use the bathroom is symbolic of release or a need to relieve ones self of “waste”. Spiritually and emotionally, waste is anything we have been holding onto that is no longer needed and might even be bad for us. Babies are signs of new life, new beginnings, hope, and renewal. Since IDK if the baby was alive or not, or if it was even a baby, my guess is that I am trying to rid myself of false hope and ideas that at one time seemed promising and new but have since degraded. Overall, this interpretation feels correct to me. One of the hardest things for me since 2015 and the entire heart connection experience has been letting go of the “what if”. There were so many hopes dashed and destroyed and the hardest part was that I believed they would come to be. I feel so foolish for ever believing. 

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Wish I Could be Part of that World

Finally good sleep! And lucid experiences!

Dream: Tiny House

I was visiting this place that had a bunch of tiny houses together on one lot. The houses were two small  bedrooms linked by a bathroom (may be symbolic of marriage). Inside they had high ceilings and antique furniture (the past). The entire place smelled old to me. In my room there was a double bed with an antique hutch. Inside the drawers were all kinds of things from the past, most women’s earrings (love and relationships). I picked up a pair that was colorful, dangly and heavy and thought, “These must be from the 70’s”. 

The door (opportunity) into and between the rooms got stuck and I somehow broke it trying to open/close it. There was a woman there who reminded me of German Hilda type – broad shoulders, square jaw, tall and somewhat intimidating. She was in charge of the tiny house and came in to fix the door. She called in another woman and they worked together to fix it while I wandered outside. Outside there were city streets reminiscent of somewhere in Europe. There was a building that reminded me of a museum (reflecting on the past) with a path that went back into a heavily treed park. I walked down it looking around at all the greenery and space, curious about the museum which looked like it was also a research facility of some kind. Right before I woke up I think I ran into a man but can’t quite remember. 

Dream: Detective Visit

I heard a knock at the door (I was at my Mom’s house). When I opened it I saw a man who I instantly recognized. I called him, “Detective” (new beginnings, justice) and asked him why he was there. He said, “Sorry, but it looks like I’m going to have to get your statement/report. They are going to move forward with the investigation.” I asked, “Why? It doesn’t make any sense.” There was memory of past events. Apparently I upset a female classmate and she was pressing charges. The extent of the upset I never remembered but it felt like she was throwing a tantrum and trying to get attention. Exasperated, because the ordeal had been on-going for some time, I asked the detective, “Is there anyway to make this go away? Do you think she will accept a settlement? I could just pay her $50k and apologize.” I went on to say, “I wasn’t even in contact with her from April through June.” I saw a calendar in my mind and knew I was attending classes the entire time. I then said, “I don’t even have to stay in school. I already have a degree.” I thought some and then said, “I have a Master’s degree already.” The detective, a handsome blonde man (almost too handsome IMO) about 6 feet tall, gave me a look and sighed. It appeared he didn’t seem to think it was a good idea. 

Series of Lucid Events

I woke from the dream feeling really, really groggy. I happily returned to sleep, asking to go OOB or be lucid. It has been so long and I miss it.

Almost instantly I was lucid, feeling the heavy energy of my astral body sitting superimposed over my physical body. I could perceive both my physical environment and the astral one. I knew I needed to move OOB and so attempted to but it seemed every time I tried, something in the physical would distract me. There were noises off as usual but also physical sensations of the body like the heaviness of my blanket, the feeling of the bed beneath me, my arm going numb, etc. 

The scenes I found myself in varied. Mostly it was dark and I only had my other senses, vision being turned off for some reason. When I did see it was as if in a dream. I was lucid but confused and not actively controlling the dream. 

For example, at one point I was trying to relax so I could go OOB and found myself kneeling next to the piano bench. It was topped with my boys’ freshly washed clothing. One son was there picking up his clothes and asking me questions, distracting me. I could see the piano and the bench but not him. The sensations were the most memorable. The heavy feeling was wonderful and I fell backwards into it, hoping to pop OOB. Instead, I just landed on my bed (I was already OOB but didn’t realize it). 

In another instance I was in front of a man I thought I recognized as a past boyfriend. I could see his face clearly but it was younger than I recall and the features that use to distract me about him were softened and so he was pleasant to look at. I thought, “I really want to kiss him now!” Then confusion hit me. I couldn’t recall my life, specifically asking myself, “Who did I marry?” lol I had no idea. My memory was blank. 

Then I was standing in front of two men still trying to recall who I married. I thought the one on the left was the boyfriend from before but the more I looked at him the more I realized he wasn’t. I looked at the man on the right and had no idea who he was. Looking back and forth I was concerned because I couldn’t remember ANYTHING. The man on the left called in two other men who seemed like his strongmen or bodyguards. I instantly thought to myself that he was trying to influence my decision and scare away his competition. I didn’t care because I still didn’t know who I was or who I married.

The confusion brought me back to body awareness and the scene vanished. Feeling calmer I went back to focusing on going OOB. Again, I decided to fall backward. This time, after a short distance where I floated like a feather, I landed on grass. I could feel the cool blades of it poking my back. I laughed to myself and enjoyed the sensation of it. Still, though, I didn’t realize I was OOB and attempted to leave my body without success. 

When I finally came back to body awareness the floaty feeling remained with me. Part of a song came to mind: “Wandering free, wish I could be, part of their world”. 

I immediately told my guidance, “Thank you.” Then I said, “But I wanted to go OOB.” I heard back, “You still need to heal.” I said, “Going out of body is healing!” I got no reply to that. I’m not sure why healing is a reason not to be lucid or go OOB. Still trying to figure that one out. 

The song continued and I agree – Wish I could be, part of that world (astral world that is).

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Dream: Seeing Jesus

Slept better because I took a small amount of melatonin (2.5mg). I still woke at 5:30am but managed to return to sleep for a short while. Dreams were….odd.

Multiple Linked Dreams 

This dream went on for a long time, shifting scenes in such a way as to seem to be many dreams linked together.

The first dream was in a field (expanded awareness). It was super green with rolling hills dotted with trees and a small road. I was “flying” along the road and remember very little as it was the first dream of the night. There was a background story going on but all I recall is that I was talking to others about the journey. I recall seeing a dirt road (journey in life) which was distinct amidst the bright green grass and hills. It was a beautiful place.

Several other dreams passed. Short and hard to recall because of their length. I recall a scene at my mom’s house where I realized suddenly that my youngest child was all grown up. I said to him, “Wow! You’re as tall as me!” Then I felt this sadness and a sense of aloneness that caused me grief. The scene faded out.

Next, I recall driving down a city road on the way to meet up with my best friend from high school. I came to a four-way stop and drove through it without incident. The town was small and not like any I have memory of visiting. The buildings were all gray and nondescript, similar to many rundown downtowns in small towns across Texas. 

I remember thinking of my friend and another dream from long ago coming to mind. Then I shifted into a new scene at a school. When I walked in there were people walking about moving (preparation for the new) items. I quickly determined the staff was boxing up items to relocate to a new building. I was invited into a side room by a woman who was talking to me about my music background. I told her I had a 4-year degree and minored in music but never got my teaching certificate for it, so I was not qualified. My words were, “I would have to go back to school and take more classes and then get certified to teach it.” In my mind I was thinking of the entire process, which I had considered once upon a time and opted out of. It would be time consuming, specifically because one of the requirements is to be proficient in a musical instrument. 

The woman walked with me into the room and asked me if I would do her the honor of taking some old instruments – hand drums. When presented to me I was shocked to find them in horrid condition. The leather was peeling off and yellowed. Some of the leather on smaller drums wasn’t even attached anymore. There was no way anyone would be playing the drums in the condition they were in. I commented on their poor condition and the woman seemed insulted and quickly defended them as if they were ancient artifacts for preservation. So, I took the drums from her being careful not to further damage them. I remember seeing their circular shape and considering repairing them.

The scene shifted again. This time I have little memory of the interactions. It felt like the woman from the previous dream might have been present. What I do recall is seeing a man who looked very much like Jesus from the beard to the eyes and the long robe. His face was serene and resembled the many paintings I’ve seen, specifically the one where his hands are open to receive. The instant I saw him I said, “I don’t believe in him like that.” That’s when I woke up.

Dream: Clogged Sink Leads to Basement

When I fell back to sleep I entered a new dream. I was in the bathroom preparing for the day but my facial cleanser (cleansing) was gone. I called to my daughter asking her where it was and found it in her overnight bag. I took out two large mitts (innovation, new ideas) and lathered the soap with them and then washed my face (inspecting beliefs and/or actions) with the soapy mitts. The drain clogged (repressed emotion) so I dried my face and pulled at a hair. The hair brought up all kinds of stuff, mostly gross drain gunk. Eventually, though, other items began to come up. First they were small and then they got larger and larger. Most were toys. I remember mostly baby dolls (unfulfilled dreams) in various conditions. There was also an enclosed package (untapped/unopened) with two batteries (power, energy) and some kind of device. 

Eventually I noticed the entire sink top was pulled up and I could look down into the drainage area. Instead of a pipe it was huge opening. Looking down I saw piles of toys. Those closest to the top were covered in hair and slime but below were boxes and boxes of things. I peered down and saw more than just toys, it was full of supplies like a warehouse. I said, “There is a whole other floor down there!” I sought a way down and found it near the corner of the bathroom and began to go down, excited to explore. That’s when I woke up.

Symbolism

When I woke from the first series of dreams I wasn’t in a good mood. Mostly I was wondering why I would see Jesus and yelled at my guidance to stop fooling around because they know I don’t believe he is any better than any other religious icon. I figured he must symbolize the Christ Consciousness, though, and that is when I finally fell back to sleep. 

The dream where I saw my son all grown up and experienced grief came with a sense that there will be a time in my life when I feel extremely alone. There was a sense of great contrast between now and that future time. I believe it links in with the drum symbolism in the last dream.

The music room dream is the most vivid. Drums can symbolize many things – repetition in life, connection with others, listening to guidance. The drums were in poor condition, no longer able to be used. Yet I was told to keep them safe and preserve them. Also, there was the school and how the staff was preparing for a move. This is the second time I’ve seen moving boxes. This time it is related to “school”. So, perhaps, a new lesson is coming? I suspect this new lesson is related to connection to others (drums) and I am being advised to preserve those connections, maybe even rebuild them.

Seeing Jesus often means peace and satisfaction in life. Since his hands were receptive then it appears to be a message to be open to received these things. I reject seeing him, however, which indicates I am not open to receiving what he has to offer me. Or better put, I don’t believe I am worthy.

The clogged drain dream seems to indicate there is a whole level of stuff still unknown to me down in my subconscious. The toys likely symbolize my childhood and the batteries, still unused, are likely symbolic of untapped energy. 

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More Spirit Communication

Active night.

First, I dreamed that I was getting a divorce. My husband was angry and went to the freezer (cold emotion, preservation) and started pulling out various meats (achievement, choice, control) leaving them to thaw and ruin. I remember seeing some packages of meat out and him saying something indicating he left them out on purpose. I grabbed some meats that were already thawed. One was a huge package of hotdog wieners (sexual urges) and another was a big package of individual whole chickens (material well being, success). I told him I would just cook the meat rather than let it go to waste. I picked up the hotdogs and decided against cooking them since, well, they’re hotdogs and they aren’t healthy. So, I selected the chicken and told him I would cook them all. The chicken was too small to actually be chicken, though. It looked more like Cornish game hens.

Audible Conversation

I woke several times early in the morning and eventually settled back to try and get some sleep. My mind was quite active with thoughts about various things. My sister’s birthday is coming up and I was trying to figure out what to give her for her birthday. I was thinking about getting her a card and mailing it to her and want to include a gift card or something in it. I never decided what gift card or how much, though. My thoughts seemed to drift at this time and I know I was in the in-between – not quite awake but not fully asleep either.

Somehow I found myself in a conversation about the drug trade. Most likely it came about because of my concerns about my sister’s drug habit. At first it seemed like I was the one talking (telepathically) to someone else. I noticed the thoughts/words as they moved from me to the other person. If I had been vocalizing my thoughts it would be as if someone else were speaking using my voice. The thoughts coming through weren’t mine. Yet I was not protesting or stopping the communication. It seemed completely normal.

At one point I was saying, “When we enter a new area, we send a fox into the neighborhood….” A loud, male voice interrupted, coming from my left and said, “WOLF” as soon as the word “fox” was said. It was audible, as if the man was standing right next to me, and so spooked me momentarily.This is when I realized I wasn’t speaking at all, it was someone else to my right. I knew the rest of what was being said – “When we enter a new area, we send a fox (wolf) into the neighborhood. We claim the territory as our own and then move on to the next neighborhood.” With these words were images and Knowing. It was as if I had done what was being spoken – gone into a neighborhood and “taken it over” in whatever way necessary. The feeling was pride mixed with a bit of urgency.

I tried to ignore the conversation. So what if I was in the middle of it, I wanted to sleep. The conversation continued only this time the words didn’t seem to come through me and the voice on my right was audible as if someone was right beside me. The tone, pitch and loudness were apparent. I listened for a while but much of the words are lost to memory now because, well, he said quite a bit. He was talking to the other man as if explaining himself. I rarely heard the man on my left, but when I did it was always louder and more gruff. 

The man on my right was talking to the man on my left about his health and arguing that he ate healthy, describing his lifestyle. In that moment I saw someone who had a large belly, a belly that I associate with those who like to drink beer (beer belly). I didn’t see his face. The info was coming in too fast, coming across me as if a stream of energy that I was able to reach into and grab pieces of info.

I was once again pulled out of my reverie by the loud, gruff voice on my left. He said two words, “Warrant” and “Christian”. They seemed to be related to what the man on my right was saying. If I had to guess, the man on my right had a warrant which may have been what actually led to his demise, not his eating habits. 

Finally, tired of the back and forth with me in the middle, I told the man on my right, “Can you please go away?” I got from him a bit of surprise and questioning and I said, “I’m trying to sleep.” It got quiet then and I tried to go back to sleep but called in my guidance for assistance telling them, “I just want to sleep.” I heard back, “But you’ve been asking for this.” This statement, though not entirely true, caught my interest. Had I ask for this? 

Honestly, I might have but a very long time ago, back when I was a practicing medium and struggled to hear complete sentences from Spirit. I recently spoke to my brother about it because he had a session with a medium who was unable to give him messages from our father. I explained that it is difficult, acting as an intermediary between a living person and a dead person. It is difficult to receive full sentences without the conscious mind getting in the way. I told him about how our father visited me via OBE, how real everything was, and explained that was the best way to get full communication, voice and all. I shared with him times when Spirit had come to me when I was awake and how it always scared the you-know-what out of me. It hasn’t been often because I tell them to come to me in the in-between where my fear doesn’t take over like it does when I’m awake.

But I don’t recall wishing to have the experience, not exactly. I do recall missing OBEs and, yes, the very kind of experience I just had because they are cool and unusual. Hmmmm.

I finally just asked, “What’s your name?” The man on my right said, “I already told you.” Note: This communication was not audible but more like I am use to. It’s came through as if my own complete thought. Confused, I tried to recall any names. This is when I remembered “Warrant” and “Christian”. I thought back, “Oh. Christian.” If I make a sentence out of those two words, I think the other man said, “You had a warrant, Christian.” lol 

He left and I lay in bed pondering everything until I finally got up because I surely wasn’t going back to sleep!

Other Incidents

Not long ago (Nov 10th)  my son had a sleep paralysis episode and a very active night. He got up to go to the restroom and heard an audible, male voice say to him, “Hey! Don’t come in here.” It spooked him but he said he wasn’t afraid.

Just a couple of nights ago my youngest son came into my room and sat on the bed. Not long after he said to me in surprise, “Mom! Someone just said hello to me!” I laughed but didn’t inquire into the experience. This morning I asked him about it. Did you hear it audibly? He said, “Yes! It was a woman!” 

My older son has had two incidences now where he has been freaked out by, “sparkles and smoke in the air” over his head. The first one had him so scared he was in tears because it was following him around our living room. I reassured him that it was harmless and told him to tell it to go away. He immediately relaxed. It happened again, though, this time outside. He said his friends saw it, too, which made him feel better (less crazy). When I asked him to describe what he saw inside and outside, he said inside it was “sparkly gold and smoke” and outside was “the same but with black”. He said he has seen it outside more than inside.

What Gives?

So what gives? IDK and am really not too concerned. Some might be freaked out to think that there is more than one Spirit lingering around their home “spying” on them. Trust me, they are and it is nothing to be worried about. Nothing is private. I realized this many years ago when I first opened to my gift of mediumship. They.are.everywhere. LOL

It is rare that I hear them audibly but I’ve experienced it enough now (both when awake and in the in-between) to have very little reaction to it at all. Usually I just get annoyed. Like, come on! People gotta sleep here in the waking world! I’ve also had the experience of feeling “taken over” (trance mediumship) enough times now not to be alarmed, though it is very weird and not my preference. This morning was only the second time and I felt no energetic or physical side-effects like the first time.

If these are indicators that I could potentially be returning to mediumship, I am game, especially if I can hear Spirit audibly. How exciting! I have played this game enough to 1. not be afraid, 2. know I am in control and can turn it off/on, and 3. recognize the value in it.

Oh, and if you know someone named Christian who had a beer belly and died as a result of being involved in the drug trade (not his unhealthy diet), then he’s still arguing with his male friend about why his life came to an end. My guess is he got into it with the cops but I didn’t ask for specifics.

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Strong Emotion, Vivid Dreams

I’ve been having vivid dreams for some time now. Many are emotional while others feel to be linked to a kind of life review going on behind the scenes of my life. In waking life, I’ve had similar, with emotions overflowing, brought on by family circumstances and higher than usual levels of stress.

This time of year it isn’t uncommon for me to have higher than usual spiritual and emotional activity in dreamtime as well as waking reality. Some years are worse than others. This year has been unusually intense – all year but especially since July/August.

Most recently I’ve been struggling with indicators all around me that I am “selfish”. I don’t doubt I am selfish and am not arguing against it, but the way it has been presented to me is in such a judgmental and critical way that it has been difficult to avoid upset. The main upset was that my mom told my husband that she has come to accept that I am nothing more than a child who thinks only about myself. To hear this (second hand) hurt horribly. Sure, that was the me from the past, but not the me in the present! I’ve grown by leaps and bounds. Yet to think that my mother still sees me as I was and not as I am, hurt.

The above is just one example. I have felt the burden of expectation to the extreme and it leaves me feeling that nothing I do will ever be enough. I am emotionally and spiritually exhausted.

Dream: Show Love to Be Love

I was touring a school (life, lessons) that I have seen in a dream before. The principal was trying to get me to work there. It was said in passing, “We know you like to be home early”, and I said I could stay later now, that my circumstances had changed. I was feeling and acting very positive though I never actually accepted the job offer.

Then I was speaking with others in a group. They were discussing plans regarding the school but it felt political, like many peoples’ lives would be impacted (Earth collective?). Something was said and my opinion was asked. I blurted out with passion, “It’s all about love! You have to show love to BE love.” The feelings I had were about how people in the group were looking to enact policy in their own interests and not really looking at how the greater population would be impacted. It was outrageous to me and at the same time horribly sad. I began to cry as I repeated the words over and over. Someone in the group came up and wrapped their arms around my shoulders and guided me outside. It felt like the group understood my upset.

I was taken to a small, raised garden (developing something meaningful) constructed of wood boards and filled with fresh, dark dirt. Someone had just piled the dirt in so that it came to a point in the middle of the beds. I sat on the edge of one of the beds with a small spade and began to cut deep into the soil. I cut in a grid pattern, making individual spots for seedlings to be planted. As I did this, I spoke with the women who had escorted me outside. I can’t remember our exact words but it was mostly about what I had said and how I was feeling. The more we talked, the more the grid pattern emerged. I looked across at an untilled section and saw a small, green shoot pushing through the dirt. I thought it odd because I hadn’t planted anything yet. I wondered who did.

I woke, still softly crying, and thinking, “I can’t love. It’s too hard.”

Then part of a song came to mind: “I can’t make you love me, if you don’t. You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.” It occurred to me that love can’t be forced. It’s very nature isn’t forced. Hearing the song and understanding the meaning gave me relief.

Dream: Diastolic Blood Pressure

I arrived at a small clinic (healing) with a group of people. Someone thanked us for volunteering to be part of their study and me and about three other people were escorted into a waiting area. I remember being in the front of the group as we walked in and came to two, small doors about the size of doggy doors. I wondered where the regular doors were. I looked around and everything was bright white except for the door knobs and the outlines of wall panels where the shadows broke up the white. The people with me didn’t speak with me nor do I recall what they looked like. I remember wanting to get the tests over with.

A female nurse dressed in a white uniform with a light blue nametag came to a door that seemed to suddenly appear beside the two smaller ones. She explained that they were going to take blood samples and our blood pressure (ability to cope with stress). A male nurse stood behind her in the doorway.

I was first in line so I rolled over to three small stairs. The male nurse reached his hand towards me to help me up, saying, “Here, let me help you. I didn’t realize….” This is when I realized I was in a wheelchair (dependency, helplessness). I got up, the chair stuck to me, and walked up the stairs carrying it with me like it was a part of my body. My walk was stiff and slow as if I were in pain, but I felt no pain. The nurse, surprised, smiled and said, “Okay then.”

They escorted me to a bed draped in white. I sat down, my torso upright and my legs straight in front of me. A nurse came over with her things and began to do the tests. I can’t remember the exact tests, though. There was a slight worry about needles at one point and then another one about my nervousness in hospital settings.

Some time elapsed that I can’t recall. It felt like a long time and I felt myself popping back and forth between wherever I was and the dream scene. It gave me a slight dizzy feeling.

When they were done and I was allowed to leave, I asked for my BP numbers. The nurse told me they would be provided. It was then that I saw I was also dressed in white and had tubes and wires connected to me as if I had been admitted to the hospital. I walked over to the window where I asked the nurse again to share my BP. I told her I have had issues with it being high in clinical settings. She sat me down and looked me in the eye acting very serious. She said, “It seems your numbers like to jump around.” This made sense to me and I repeated that I get anxious. She said, “It is specifically your diastolic number.” I asked, “How high was it? When I was at the dentist it was 95.”

I woke up thinking “diastolic” and seeing the word in my mind. I wasn’t concerned, just worried I had forgotten which number (top or bottom) it was and that I might have gotten it wrong in the dream. I didn’t.

Diastolic: Referring to the time when the heart is in a period of relaxation and dilatation (expansion).

Diastolic – from the Greek diastole meaning “a drawing apart.”

Message Tie-In

I was watching an Amazon series last night called, “The Loop”. The episode I watched was called, “Stasis”. In it one of the main characters was thinking about how things don’t last in life. The good times are great, love is magical, everything feels special and amazing….then it’s just gone and you are left wondering, “What happened?” I have thought the same many times. It just feels like the effort isn’t worth it if it doesn’t last. Why put your heart into someone or something only to have it disappear and leave you with an empty feeling?

The series is funny because so far in all of them someone is wishing something and then they are given it in unexpected ways. This girl finds a device that freezes time and allows her to stretch out the moment as long as she wants. She ends up taking a boy there and they live out their romance in stasis. In the end, their relationships burns out despite them having the endless moment to themselves. She is depressed and sad later, going fishing with her father who asks her what’s wrong. She says her relationship is ending. He says, “Some things are special because they don’t last.”

To me, his statement was spot on: Bingo!

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Dream: A Storm is Coming

 

Had a dream encounter with my heart connection. I wish I had been more lucid.

Dream: A Storm is Coming

The dream began with me in a classroom watching a screen. The images on the screen were being projected by a laptop sitting on a desk in the center of the room. No one else was in the room with me.

The images on the screen showed circles with pictures of faces in them. They were lined up along the left side of the screen. Each face was someone I know in life. I was waiting for a specific person to “log on” – my heart connection. I was anticipating his arrival at a certain time but he was not logging in. As each hour passed I found myself making excuses for why he wasn’t there. I had no upset or anxiety over his absence. 

I remember looking down at the keyboard as I knew I should be focused on my work. There was a presence felt to be behind me, a black woman who felt like my supervisor. It felt like this supervisor wanted me to focus on my work and would be upset if I became distracted. I don’t recall seeing her in the classroom, though.

It was becoming very late in the day. The time was approximately 4pm. The screen showed people coming and going. Some had green dots next their avatars, others none. Those with the green dots were present and interacting. Those without them were not participating but had been viewing the others. I finally saw my heart connection’s avatar but it didn’t have a green dot.

Pleased, I waited for the green dot which arrived not long after. When this happened the dream shifted out of the classroom and into a car. My heart connection was driving and I was in the passenger seat. We talked as he drove. The road was lined with tall pine trees and I could see hills in the distance. I liked wherever it was we were.

As we were driving we talked, catching up on lost time. I watched him as he spoke about things he was currently doing, watching his face and taking in every line and crease, gray hair and smile line. He said that he was going “back to school”. He seemed very concerned about his age and the timing of his decision, as if he were embarrassed that it took him so long. The feeling I got from him was that he felt he had wasted time and was disappointed in himself. I felt like he shouldn’t be so hard on himself and congratulated him. 

We arrived at a school complex. Inside it resembled a high school. It had classrooms and hallways with tiled floors and was colored mostly white. Others were inside but at first we paid them no attention. We stood face to face. There was a sense of relief and reunion for a brief moment. We kissed. There was no powerful jolt of bliss to my heart as has happened in the past. While kissing I could taste salt and my mouth filled with water. It was sweat! It was pouring down his face and I was tasting it as I kissed him. I laughed and told him, “You sure are sweaty. I can taste it.” When I looked up at him, his entire head was drenched.

We walked together through the school still talking but I can’t recall our conversation. Instead, I remember people walking by with what looked like bills in their hands. The first guy said that he was instructed to go outside and across to another building to pay. He was happy because he had been given approval for something and this was the last step. Soon enough, another person came by holding a similar piece of paper and saying the same thing. At the time it felt like they were paying off a loan and their payments were not going through. I remember feeling sorry for them.

Then there was a commotion and everyone in the building ran to one end where there were huge windows. The room was shaking as if there was an earthquake, so we ran to see what was going on. When I looked out the window I thought, “A storm is coming” but all I saw was bright light coming from the sky. It wasn’t lightening but more like something very large was above us shining the light down. The light was so bright it made everything else appear pitch black. My memory is of looking out the windows into this light. The edges of the windows were glowing from the light hitting them but the room in which I was standing and the floor was imperceptible. 

I tried to make out what was going on outside the window but doing so made me wake up.

Message

When I woke I felt really calm and rested. I am always pleasantly surprised when my heart connection shows up in my dreams. This time was no different but the dream felt to last the entire night. I was so long that when I woke I struggled to recall it all and worried I would lose pieces of it, which I likely did. 

I tried to return to sleep, asking to be shown why he appeared in my dream after such a very long time. Just when I was returning to sleep I saw a word appear and also saw a finger pointing at me. The word was, “Losse”. My thought was, “Yeah, I have experienced a great loss” but then the word reappeared as if to correct me: “Losse”. I couldn’t go back to sleep after that.

I looked up “losse” and found, “to let; allow” (German) and “to unload, discharge” (Dutch). 

The word makes sense in that I do need to do all of the above. It seems my guidance was telling me the purpose of my dream was “losse”. I did ask to be shown or told. 

Dream Symbolism

Classroom – lesson. Screen – observation. Circles – cycle of life, karma. Log-in – participate, join. Car – life path. Someone else driving and I’m the passenger – their life path and I am a participant. Sweating – stress, worry, hard work, exertion. Bill stub/loan – karma being repaid. Windows – glimpse into the unknown. Light – illumination of the unknown. Earthquake – a shake up is coming, difficult times.

My overall feeling when I awoke was that the dream was a check-in dream. I think I was checking in on him more than he was on me because the information coming through was about his life. I think him “logging in” was becoming available for me to contact him via dream.