Category Archives: kundalini

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Despacito – Slow, Steady Progress

Another night of limited sleep courtesy of my daughter’s stuffy nose and congestion. Well, I say my lack of sleep is connected to her cold, but I can’t be 100% sure that is all it is.

Last night the energy sensations returned almost immediately upon laying down. My crown and third-eye were the most active. I sensed a male energy to my left, my guide, or “partner” as I tend to call him now – the part that says “I am YOU” and continues to facilitate the merging of the masculine and feminine within.

Whenever my partner draws close I am covered in energy that spreads all the way to my fingers and toes. This has always happened, for as long as I have been conscious of him. Recent events, however, have revealed that this energy can be magnified internally and externally. Internally by my own intent. Externally by a catalyst.

Up until this point I have only had two external catalysts for this energy. Most of my experiences have been internal. Both provide lessons unique to the experience. Those that are external tend to amplify the stagnant areas or blockages in ways that my own inner work cannot. If I am not moving forward/progressing on my own then these catalysts get me moving again, spurring me forward by exposing that which is holding me back. Often times I am aware of what is revealed but purposefully or habitually ignoring it. I have learned through this external catalytic experiences that ignoring something will not make it go away but will in fact make it larger until I am forced to confront it.

In both cases the masculine energy becomes personified. Internally this energy feels separate from myself, like a guide who is always there, nudging me along and providing support and unconditional love. I have called him many names – Steven, Companion Traveler, Spiritual Counterpart, and now partner. He changes as as I change; grows as I grow.

Externally the masculine energy comes with a body, a unique personality, a history, an Ego, hopes, dreams, fears, etc….and, of course, karma. Ultimately, the two – external and internal – are the same energy, one is just personified in human form for the purpose of teaching – no reflecting to me – that which I most need to know about myself. Thus, the external masculine has a “catalytic” effect the internal masculine does not have.

At present I am happily connecting to my internal masculine and being shown more about myself and my innate spiritual abilities. Last night I was shown how I can go within and dance with him/me/us. In other words, I am being taught how to reproduce from within an experience that previously has only come about via a catalyst. This, for me was exhilarating despite my exhausted state.

I will try and describe my experience the best I can…

When my partner came near and I felt the energy that is Us spreading through my physical body I was at first sad because I knew it would not intensify as it had recently. I felt sad for this and a bit hopeless and unable to understand the why of it all. My partner asked me to stop looking outward to him (or anyone else) for the connection I was seeking, He then repeated to me, “I am YOU”, and I knew he meant I should turn my focus inward. I have always known this but for some reason this time my perspective was different. The minute I focused inward I seemed to shift into him, into my own masculine, and as such I saw/felt myself, the feminine. In an instant I became both masculine and feminine and the energy – my energy – seemed to flood into my head all at once, pushing against my third eye with such force that I could sense that some other version of myself would take over, forcing my eyes open to “see” in a way I cannot on my own. Like in my previous experience of this, it seemed as if someone else was about to “take over”, but I know this is not the case because last time I allowed it. However, my human mind cannot help but react to what feels like a “invasion” and if I were to over analyze the sensation I would likely freak out completely. Thankfully, I have experienced enough of the “strange and unusual” that these types of human reactions are easily quieted.

The sensation I felt in my third-eye was most similar to my experiences of going OOB. There was a sudden swirling expansiveness and pressure in my third-eye accompanied by what I can only describe as a sound – a rushing, whirling like wind in my ears. Of course, the experience and understanding of what I was doing and how I was doing it was all at once mind-blowing. A part of me thought it impossible. With this doubt everything calmed, and once again I was sensing my partner as separate from me.

Recognizing I was the cause, I was doing it all, it did not take me long to try again. And again. And again. Each time I would get to a point, a crescendo of sorts, where I knew all I needed to do was allow and surrender. When that point arrived I couldn’t do it. It was just too exciting, to mind-blowing (not scary). My mind would not let go. It all reminds me of attempting a conscious astral projection from the body. It took me over a month of consistent trying to finally achieve a conscious exit. I would keep failing because I was just too curious and excited. Even when I did succeed I was so excited that I would end up right back in my physical body.

At least I succeeded at recognizing I could come into Union with myself whenever I wanted and that I have the capacity to expand beyond what I ever thought possible without any external help.

I will continue to work at surrendering to what feels very much like an invasion of my mind. This is the drawback of being fully awake and aware. The human response to the unknown is fear. I can’t help it and I won’t beat myself up over it. The first experience of this sense of invasion did not harm me. It was not scary. I was not “taken over” or “possessed”. I was there, observing and experiencing at the same time. Actually, the experience was truly awesome. I felt BIG, expansive and full of potential. But then I have always been an explorer, keen to jump into the unknown, to expand beyond the limits of this human experience; to Know.

Syncs

Ending this post with more syncs. Yesterday we got tons of rain in central Texas courtesy of Tropical Storm Gordon. On the way home from work my daughter was on the phone from home freaking out because it was raining so hard. We were very close to home but it was sunny. I looked out the window and saw it was pouring over our house in the distance. I took a photo and sent it to my daughter as proof. It was amazing to see.

IMG_3315

Later, we got caught in the storm as well but the blue sky could always been seen in the distance. It was really beautiful. It felt like the heaven’s were literally opening up over the top of me. Like it was saying it’s okay to let it all go.

On the way home in the rain a song came on the radio. My husband turned it up and I almost protested because it was rap. I am not a fan of rap but this one caught my attention because it was about opportunity. Yeah, there’s that word again! lol

Look, if you had, one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted. In one moment
Would you capture it, or just let it slip?

You only get one shot
Do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime…

You can do anything you set your mind to

Here’s the song:

So this song is playing while the heavens are opening up over the top of us. It was actually pretty awesome and put me in a really, really good mood. I felt awesome.

This morning another song presented itself. I noticed it because once again (like rap) it was out of my normal music preference. This time Spanish. lol I asked my husband what despacito meant. He said, “Slowy”. When I saw what the lyrics said I couldn’t help but laugh because this is the message I have been getting from my partner for a very long while – One step at a time. Slow but steady progress. This song makes me just want to dance. Again, “dance” is not a coincidence either.

Regardless of my lack of sleep, these are very exciting times and I am blessed to be alive in a human body experiencing them. Thank you God.

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Kundalini Experience: Meet Me in the Middle

Okay, so the Kundalini was just taking a break. Wow. Where to begin?

I guess I will just relay what happened. Are you ready? It’s intense.

I went to bed around 9:30pm. I was asked by my guidance if I would reconsider my previous decision (opportunity missed). I agreed that I would.

Vision

A man stood completely naked in front of me. I felt pulled into the vision.

We stood facing each other and did not touch but the energy was very intense between us and my entire body felt overcome by it. It was not sexual. Instead it just felt blissful but not at it’s full potential yet. I could sense there was more there that would build if I allowed it.

The man asked me to follow him and I did. He sat down cross-legged in a circle that was drawn in white chalk on the ground. I knew to sit across from him cross-legged. Our knees were barely touching and both of us were naked. He drew something on his forehead with his finger. I don’t know if there was paint on his finger but I saw a line drawn vertically between his eyes. He then leaned over and drew the same line between my eyes.

I don’t recall much after this except feeling deliriously drunk on bliss. In fact, I was so relaxed and at ease with our combined energy that I must have drifted into the in-between for some time. We were talking throughout most of this but I only remember feeling completely in tune with him. Our energies matched so well and it seemed as if we were reacquainting ourselves with one another.

Then I remember hearing him say to me that he wanted to see me. I think he said, “Let me see you” but all I really remember is the word “see”. It wasn’t the words that brought me out of my reverie though, but the sensations of a force entering between my shoulder blades. It felt focused and was around the size of a closed fist in diameter. From within this space my own energy reached out and swirled around the other as if dancing.

Then we, both our energies dancing and swirling together, rose upward through my throat and into my head. When at my third-eye and right when I heard the word “see”, I felt as if I was no longer myself, like someone else took over, but I know this is not true. It was more that I released myself into the care of this new me – US. My eyes felt to be forced open and in front of me was nothingness; a blank, deep blue (indigo?) expanse. In the distance was a blinding white light, just far enough away to notice but not within reach yet.

kundalini-snakes

Wide awake now, the energy slowly retreated and control was returned to me. I was left shocked, eyes wide open, looking at my bedroom and wondering what had just happened. The sensation of this was so new to me, so overwhelmingly beautiful and powerful that I needed time to recover. How could I be so BIG? How could this even be happening? How was it even possible? And what does it mean? What will happen when that energy – the energy of US – exits through my crown? What will I become? Will I cease to be? It seemed like it. In fact, when my eyes opened seemingly outside of my own control, it felt as if I was transformed and not in a bad way, just a different way.

There was conversation throughout all this but I don’t recall specifics now. I just remember feeling fully trusting of this masculine energy. My solar plexus felt odd, as if it was stretching, and the odd energy just sat below my rib cage. I realized it was my anticipation and apprehension of what was coming. Fear of the unknown. Resistance to losing myself; losing control.

All of this happened between 9:30-10pm.

Somehow I fell back to sleep, which is unheard of for me, but the energy of Us was so beautiful that I know it was why I drifted off. There is nothing like it.

Dream: Blind Date

I entered into a dream where I was with a girlfriend preparing to go to dinner at a place where men and woman came to connect. It wasn’t a dating scene but more like an exchange place, like exchanging information but with the intent to connect. It seemed like my friend had set me up on a blind date (unknown aspects of self being revealed) but I am not sure. The feeling was that I was just following her lead.

As I sat with my friend at the table with two men we played a getting-to-know-you game. Each of us would take turns giving the name of one of our previous partners. The man on my left was asking me why I looked so concerned and I said, “I can fit all my previous partners on these two hands.” I held up my ten fingers as proof. It seemed like so few, like I was inexperienced and behind the others. I recall someone chuckling and I remember in my mind being reminded of boyfriends in school. I remembered one specifically and thought, “Oh.” That would mean there were more than 10 then.

There are sensations and images during this time of very feminine things. The color pink was prominent as was lace and girly attire. It seemed like my blind date was not suited for me and he and my friend and some others departed. They walked to the bus stop but I forgot my purse and cell phone and went to retrieve them. When I turned they were yelling back that we must have missed the bus (temporary setbacks). I slowed down and picked up my things which included a small backpack. When I turned back around the group was running full speed up the road to the intersection. I heard, “The bus is here!”

Figuring I had missed my chance I lingered still. A man approached who I didn’t know. He was fairly tall, lean and average looking, though he seemed familiar to me. He came up to me and introduced himself. I don’t remember his name now but in the dream I called him by it. I told him I missed the bus. He offered to walk me home. I accepted his invitation and asked him to take my backpack (decisions and responsibilities) while I picked up my things. He did this gladly. When I took back my backpack, which was very small now, I looked at him and he smiled. I knew him but was not sure how, but he felt like a friend and I trusted him. We walked toward the intersection together, holding hands.

Meet Me in the Middle

At this point the scene shifted suddenly and I was laying down next to the man from the previous ceremonial vision (above). We were both facing up. He was on my right. I was asked to focus on him. When I looked, all I could see was his heart, the rest was completely empty and black. It was as if I was looking into his physical body. What I saw was not an organ, though, but what looked much like a uterus and ovaries within the center of his chest. There was a heart shaped “uterus” heart in the center and two “branches” with circular discs on either side. I could hear him invite me inside of him. I can’t recall the words used as it was more of a sense of “come and get me” that was sent to me.

I did not hesitate and imagined both my hands reaching into his heart space. Yet it was not my hands that entered but all of me, as if my entire Being entered his heart. I felt swept up into his energy, swirling and then suddenly he was me and I was him; We were One.

My memory here is dizzying. It was as if I was swirling so fast that I ceased to have any memory of myself as this human in this body. We swirled upward together but I became overwhelmed by the bliss of Us and this new Beingness I was experiencing. So I came out of my reverie again, breathing as if I had just run a race but with more depth. Every breath was bliss so I breathed in so deep, deeper than I have ever breathed.

The energy continued to intensify for a while after this. I continued to get glimpses of the white light. My crown felt to explode upward and outward and I sense – I still sense – that I am very, very close to whatever comes next.

I realized then that I had been asked to meet this masculine presence “in the middle” previous to this but had not understood. In fact, earlier in the day I heard a song with the lyrics, “Meet me in the middle”.

The message meant that rather than be fully pursued, which was nice and exhilarating to experience, I also needed to pursue him (the masculine). To meet him with the same intensity that he came to meet me with. Equal.

Considerations

I have no doubt that what I experienced this morning is leading up to a full Kundalini rising experience. Though I have had many experiences with the Kundalini, never have I had one like this. I feel so very blessed this morning. The bliss, which I have experienced many times before, was beyond amazing and I could sense that I was only experiencing a tiny portion of my full potential. Where this is going, how I will be changed, is yet to be known. I am not afraid and completely open to what is to come.

And on a positive – I have absolutely no physical body issues (aches, pains, strange sensations) this morning even after all that intensity and no psychological freaking out or triggering, etc. Very good news!

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Dream: You are HER

This week I have been more tired than usual. Additionally, my third-eye and crown chakras – well my entire head and at times all the way down my neck and into my ears – has been buzzing with energy. Even as I type this my third-eye is buzzing. It is non-stop. I’ve only experienced my third-eye buzzing continuously like this one other time, I think in 2015 (not sure) and at that time it went on for at least a month straight.

Odd Dreams

I have been tired, sleeping deeply and having very vivid dreams. Here are a few snippets of dreams from the week:

I was in Montana (spiritual awareness) at a resort (pun on last resort). It was winter and snowing (frozen progress). Outside were two rectangular, shallow pools or fountains (joy, new relationship), parallel to one another. The water was clear and calm (clarity). I saw two small, tropical fish (insight) in the water, one was orange and the other purple. They seemed to be seeking each other out and I was fascinated by them, especially the orange fish.

I recall preparing oatmeal for one of my kids. I was cooking it and went to make more. I scooped out the last from the container and saw worms in it. They were like mealworms but flat. Oatmeal = sameness, comfort, groundedness. The worms indicate I am ready for new experiences.

In another dream I was being given sheet music to sing. My mom sang with me and I swear it was the song “Shake it Out”. I remember being told something about “three feet above” and seeing a man holding his hand way up over his head.

Dreams – No Legs

I had two dreams involving cutting off of legs. The first was of Trooper (my deceased Australian Shepherd). I only remember now that I was in a restaurant that also looked like my grandmother’s house. Trooper needed surgery on his leg. I told the vet to just remove all of his legs. Then I went about the dream, doing things I can’t remember now. What woke me was that I remembered I had said to remove all the legs and thought, “He will die!” I woke up a bit panicked because of it and then thought it really odd symbolism. Dogs are protection or a “best friend”. Without legs they can’t move. Maybe I am trying to “immobilize” my protection?

Then I had a whole dream about a friend and in the dream who either had no leg or was losing a leg. It is hard to recall now. In this dream, no leg means a failing relationship.

Dream: You are HER

This morning’s dream was in the UK. I was with a young boy and we were guests of the Queen, only she was very young. The boy was asked what he wanted to do. He said he wanted to meet Harry Potter (magic perhaps?) so the Queen got us tickets to a live show. On our way to the city we were prepped, given gloves (how I handle things) to wear because we were traveling with the Queen. I was given a pair of tanned leather gloves and put them on.

When we arrived in the city I recall it being familiar. Then I was shown a long, hand-written letter from the Queen. I don’t remember what it said now but it was signed, “HER”. When I read it I read “her” but I saw “HRM” and knew it meant, “Her Royal Majesty”. In my mind I saw flashes of Princess Diana and it confused me because I knew she never became Queen.

As I woke, I heard, “You are HER.” My crown and root chakra were buzzing intensely and in unison. My thoughts upon waking were that “Queen” represents the Divine Feminine.

Dream: Stolen Bag

This dream was mostly in the dark (low awareness). I arrived at work, which was Wal-Mart. I was glad it was dark because I was tired. My shift started at 6:30am. I sat at a table and drifted to sleep, aware of people walking past that could not see me. At one point the lights began to turn on ahead of me. I saw a crowd of customers and a cashier with a long line. I got up to report for work. Another cashier was trying to get a new eraser (clearing up mistakes). I suggested she use paper towels (temporary setback).

Then I went back to my table to get my stuff. I had left my bag (life responsibilities) and phone (communication) there. The tables were completely full and I couldn’t find my stuff. I searched but found nothing and hoped someone had grabbed it and put it in a locker for me. I criticized myself for not locking it up and worried someone was going to deplete my account using my debit card.

I went outside and saw a man working on a truck (work), siphoning gas (energy, spirituality) out of it. I backed off as a stream of gas went high into the air.

Then back inside it was dark again and I heard someone singing. I complimented the girl, telling her she sounded like Nora Jones. She was singing, Don’t Know Why. I heard the part, “My heart is drenched in wine” but instead of “wine” I heard “white”. The girl thanked me but as she walked by I realized she was a he.

 

 

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Full Moon Kundalini Healing

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been asking for help from my guidance with a blockage in my second chakra. Well, last night, the first night of the Pisces full moon, the source of the blockage revealed itself.

Kundalini Healing

Early on in the evening, around 1am, I was awakened from a dream in which I was communicating with my 10-year-old self. What I recall of the conversation has faded now, but I believe I was helping her feel comfortable with her feelings.

When I awoke a male presence was attending to me; assisting me with healing. His energy was huge and when I acknowledged him the energy felt to flood through my own, blending and braiding into it. The rising energy that resulted revealed the blockage in my second chakra and another at my third. The Kundalini energy swirled and moved around for over an hour, covering me in a blanket of bliss and love while also working to gently pry open blocks in my energy.

Dream: Haunted House

My husband and I were invited to his friend’s house. He spent a while trying to get me to remember who they were, where their house was and how we knew them. I couldn’t remember, though.

We traveled along the road at night toward their house. I wasn’t in a car, but hovering mid-air, looking down a massive hill (experiencing a regression). In my mind I thought it would be fun to ride on a skateboard (seeking to make light of a situation) down the hill but knew it would be too fast. Why this part is in the dream, I am unsure.

When we arrived at the house it was enormous and very dark, with dark wood paneling and furniture. I went to help some children prepare dinner, a pork loin (seeking normalcy), and as I did so noticed there were quite a few cats roaming around. I also noticed some strange movements from the cats. They seemed to see something I couldn’t. I realized the house was likely haunted.

As the night progressed I learned we were to spend the night. Everyone left me in the living area alone with the cats. I lay down on the sofa to try to get some sleep. When I did this the Kundalini energy enveloped my entire body in bliss. As the energy began to rise, I began to lose myself to it. Unfortunately, an orange cat jumped directly on my lap, stopping the rise of energy. It looked startled and I wondered if the Kundalini had anything to do with it. Right then, I heard a noise and got up, walking toward the back of the house to see if I could find anyone. The front door was wide open making banging noises as I walked past it.

orange cat

In the back of the house I located many bedrooms but could not find my husband’s room. Some of the family we were staying with were sitting around and asked me if I needed anything. I told them noises woke me, that I thought their house was haunted. They said they knew about the ghosts and not to worry. I mentioned that I could speak to Spirit and asked if they wanted my help. They agreed and I attempted to make contact. I told the woman I sensed that I could help her but if she didn’t cooperate we would force her to leave.

Whatever I did upset the cats and they began to act strange. I knew this was not a good sign and opted to try and get some sleep. I found a bedroom and lay down but was interrupted by my husband. I snapped at him, telling him I was tired (not wanting to confront something), and he left. When I attempted sleep the Kundalini energy came back in a rush up my spine, hitting my second chakra in waves like contractions. Each contraction hit my physical body solidly. There was some pain felt and by the last contraction I had a vision. A black woman appeared, standing with her hands on her hips and said, “I want him out!!!”

This vision shook me to my core because I recognized the woman.

I sat up, still dreaming, and slowly got out of bed. The scene shifted as I stood. At my feet were my clothes and I was completely naked. My lower body ached. I stiffly reached down for my shorts, which were white. My underwear was missing and a partially soaked tampon was on the floor next to my shorts. My memory here is of being mistreated and left humiliated, but I am not sure on the details.

When I left the room my husband was there complaining about my lateness. He had hired someone to replace me and was telling me how tired he was of my behavior. I turned to him, my voice cracking with emotion, “You don’t know what I’ve been through!!”

Wounds Revealed

I slowly woke from the dream a bit shocked at what it had revealed to me. My first thought was that the black woman was from a life I only partially recalled. I was not yet a woman, so about 11-12 years old. I was attacked and gang raped by a group of white boys. To keep me from screaming, one of the men put his foot on my throat. I ended up with a crushed windpipe but somehow survived, pretending to be dead until they left. I crawled home where my mother tended to my wounds. I am not sure if I ever regained my voice.

But then another life came to mind, a life in which I was also a black woman. In that life, which ended in 1963, I endured years of emotional and physical abuse by my husband. In fact, that past life memory came to me spontaneously after waking from meditation. I looked in the mirror and saw my old self – a petite, black woman with a very swollen black eye. Ultimately, in that life I shot my husband in the shoulder with a shotgun because I discovered he had been molesting our daughter. I told him to, “Get out!” after I shot him.

My best guess is that the issue in my second chakra stems from the life where I was gang raped but I am not 100% certain that the two lives mentioned above are not the same life.

The revealing of the source of the blockage is just the first step. I’m not sure how the rest will unfold but I may end up reliving that life, aspects as of yet unseen, in order to resolve and heal the wound. I suspect a decision was made, one that was strong enough that it prevents me from ever opening up to a man fully.

 

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Update and Dream: Moving Out

Before I begin, a little update on the refinance issue I mentioned in my last post. Well, turns out that it was all a misunderstanding. The money was always there but it was just in two different places and the notary knew nothing about it so couldn’t have explained it. Our loan officer had been out of town all week. His dad passed away. So he couldn’t have helped us last week either. When our loan officer called me he apologized and quickly explained what had happened. So the money is coming as expected. Nothing was wrong to begin with. Mercury retrograde miscommunication and confusion but thankfully not anything big or dramatic.

So that was an easily resolved situation – well there was no situation at all!

Then my day spent working at home presented some minor challenges. Mostly it was that my youngest needed me and then when my other two came home from school, work was near impossible with after school snacks, friends coming over and just them wanting/needing my time. It is doable, though, and required a bit more self-control than I thought, but I will be fine. It is only two days a week right now and I think I will leave it that way. The distractions of working at home make my job take longer than it would otherwise. Ever been interrupted repeatedly when trying to do calculations? Yeah, difficult. lol

The Kundalini has muted a bit, providing me with some much-needed sleep. It is still present, though. For example, I will wake in the middle of the night with my entire body alive with energy. Last night it swirled around every chakra it seemed. A nice, pleasant warm feeling. It was if I was being massaged by energy. Images flashed along with it, including one of a group of bluish tinged beings, but I mostly recall a vague sense that a kind of energetic surgery was being performed on me.

Physically my entire mid-section is achy. This is not abnormal for this time in my monthly cycle. I have had ovulation pain for a while. I think it began sometime in 2016. The pain is unique. In fact, I don’t have anything to compare it to. It feels like my insides are inflamed and irritated. This month the ache is lasting much longer than usual and with it is intestinal upset. Most likely that is the Kundalini’s fault.

Shipping Supplies - Styrofoam Packing Peanuts

Dream: Moving Out

I slept deeply and had many dreams, but most I forgot upon waking. The one I recall most had a muted energetic element to it.

The beginning of the dream was of me arriving home with a load of groceries (fulfillment). It seemed like a storm was coming so I hurried into the garage and began to unload the car. Strangely, the storm seemed to be inside the garage with me. I recall that when it started to rain I was pummeled with tons of light, white Styrofoam balls – packing material (popcorn). Trying to avoid it, I stepped back to where the roof seemed to not be leaking (new information is revealing itself) but the storm only intensified and the white balls came down in sheets over the top of me (truth being revealed).

I concluded that the roof of my house was in desperate need of repair. It may even be near collapse. Realizing my predicament, I quickly left the garage and went inside the house.

Inside the house was dark and I don’t recall much except that my neighbors came by for a visit. A nice man and his wife visited with me for a bit. We mainly spoke of religion but I don’t remember much except his religion and him trying to persuade me to explore it. They invited me over to their house for a visit and pointed across the street. There I saw a house under construction (rebuilding of life). The roof was without any shingles; plywood only. This is when I noticed I was standing in the basement (subconscious) of my house and the walls were only partially painted (untapped creativity), like renovations were never completed.

I ended up going over to the neighbor’s house. The whole time I had this attraction to the man, though it was quite muted. It materialized as an interest only and it was reciprocated. He kept touching me in a familiar way. His wife didn’t seem to care and it became apparent as the dream progressed that their “religion” included an open marriage.

The scene flashed and it was six years later. I was living with them. What happened to my husband and family, I don’t know, but I knew in the dream that I had left them. My new family consisted of myself, the wife, the husband, and their children. I saw myself as pregnant but then not, like I was more than one person.

The most memorable part here was of a bathroom (cleansing, renewal). The floors were dirty, the corners littered with dead bugs – roaches and spiders (worries, concerns).  I requested my daughter clean them, only she was very pregnant. She went into labor and had to be rushed out of the house. I, on the other hand, had to get repeated injections into my belly button (energetic healing?). It was scary to me because the injections went through a long tube and the syringe was over sized.

The last thing I remember is jumping into a huge swimming pool (relaxation, calmness) with the other women in the family. On the bottom was an entire ecosystem, like the bottom of a lake. We swam over the top of a stingray. The woman (wife) with me, petted the stingray (emotional freedom) as she swam.

Interpretation

The dream overall seems to indicate that there is a breakthrough in progress. The roof leaking and beginning to collapse indicates that the things I use to protect myself are no longer working. The illusions of protection are being removed. It is funny to me that the “rain” is packing popcorn, so it doesn’t hurt me at all despite my trying to avoid it. The packing popcorn could be symbolic of a move, maybe an actual move or a move from one state of being to another; transformation. I remember now that when the popcorn was coming down I remember thinking it was coming from the attic, like attic insulation. Attics represent one’s connection to their higher self. So maybe I was perceiving a communication coming from my HS.

The change from one house to another in the dream seems to indicate a shift in Self. The feeling was that I was being asked to evaluate my life, my circumstances, and I was offered a new “religion”. In this case I think the new religion was a new path, one that maybe I would have been resistant to in the past.

The syringe indicates the surgery on my energy body. It was after this dream that I woke very aware of all the energy moving through me.

 

 

 

 

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A Little Retrograde is Good for Us

Today is my first day of working from home. Yep! So exciting that what I had been asking for is materializing! All I had to do was trust and have patience and here I am, living it! My youngest is not too keen on the idea of being home all day with me, though, not now that he has been staying at my SIL’s house during the day. He really loves going there. Kinda makes me a bit sad, but then I understand. There’s nothing more fun than spending a whole day with your three favorite cousins.

I am enjoying waking up slowly, taking my time to drink my coffee and not having to rush to get ready. Mornings are meant to go slow, in my opinion. Now one rushes the sun, so no one should have to wake up all at once.

Some Updates

Remember when I told you all that I was going to have lunch with my best friend from high school? Well, I did. Yesterday. It was fantastic to see her again. It felt like no time at all had passed, though I haven’t seen her in at least 4 years, maybe more.

She’s a Leo like me and we were like two peas in a pod all through high school. I have known her since 5th grade. Her family was like my second family. Though she was more the typical Leo, meaning she had her group of friends where she was the center of attention. I was the less typical Leo. I prefer one or two close friends. I’m introverted. She brought out the best in me. We just clicked and we helped each other through some rough times.

We ended up sitting in Jason’s Deli for over two hours talking and catching up. By the end I was telling her things I have not told anyone, except maybe in this blog, but even things I don’t talk about in this blog. I found myself near tears for the relief of telling it all. To be able to share without judgment, safe and loved, is the most wonderful thing. And she was always good at that, at listening, at sympathizing, at sharing.

We agreed we should meet up again. We are practically neighbors as it is. She has two boys, one the same age as my middle son. Her oldest has the same condition as my oldest – dysgraphia. Her struggle with her son was very real to me, but hers was much more difficult because she didn’t get the help for her son that she should have early on (not her fault). We laughed at how fitting it was that we would have children who struggled with spelling and school. We were both very smart in school. It came easily to us.

Then there is the re-finance my husband and I have been working on. It was set to close last Thursday. Mercury was still retrograde. And guess what? Yeah, there was a kink. Somehow the amount of cash out we were suppose to get shrunk by $5k. No kidding. WTF right? Then we couldn’t get anyone on the phone to help sort it out. Though $5K is not a lot, we chose a specific amount of money so we could pay down debt. Without that $5K then things are trickier. So we ended up signing with reassurance from the notary that we had three days to decide, to opt out if it was not resolved. I am hoping we can resolve it today, but if we can’t I am not against opting out and throwing the whole damn thing out and starting over. It was dumb to do it during Mercury retrograde anyway, right? lol

In the meanwhile I have Kundalini bliss overload. Still. Not complaining. There is some beautiful dancing going on in my world. The dance of the masculine and feminine; hieros gamos; the sacred marriage. With it there is this gentle, healing energy. I feel it repairing me, stitching up old wounds, making me “all better”. I feel myself opening deeper and deeper to the masculine, accepting and eager for the aliveness the comes with embracing my Whole self.

At the same time I notice the retrograde effect is very prominent. Retrograde – going back, reliving the past, picking up lessons left unfinished. At first I thought it was from a specific time period, but I am understanding this is not the case. The lessons can be from any time, this life or another. With it is a need to confront that which I do not want to see. To open up to my deepest inner desires; that which fuels my creativity and sparks my potential to manifest. When we hold back, when we do not allow ourselves to BE we wound ourselves. Ultimately, we are the most wounded by ourselves, not by others. This is what I find at my core. No blame. No pointing fingers or placing responsibility on another. It is all me. I did it all. And similarly, I can undo it. But it is scary because I have convinced myself that restriction of myself is keeping me – and others I love – safe. Safe is a curious words, a human word. In reality, as Spirit, nothing can harm us. We are infinite. The need for safety comes with mortality. Period.

So, I guess the question is: Can I step out from behind this wall of safety I have built around myself? Can I strip away that illusion so that I can see who I really am behind it all? I am waiting for myself to do this. I’ve been waiting my whole life for it.

 

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Message: Fire. Two Weeks

Okay, so remember the message I got a few weeks ago? I mentioned it in one of my posts because it was so odd. It was one of those morning wake up messages. I’ve gotten them before so I wrote it down in my Google Calendar and forgot about it. The message was: Fire. Two weeks. I had thought it may literally mean a fire or that it might mean someone was “fired” but other than that I had no idea what it could mean.

I do now.

Without going into too much detail I will just say my Kundalini has been lit. I am literally on fire. Almost all.the.time. It isn’t annoying or driving me crazy but sometimes it makes me squirm a bit. lol And yes, it happens during the day as well as the night.

I haven’t been getting much sleep.

As a result I am doing less yoga. No need to push myself overboard, right?

My appetite has changed as a result of my energy being lit up all the time. I’m just not hungry. I am thirsty as hell, though. And there is a restlessness sometimes, but not often.

So, yeah. Fire. Two weeks. Right on target last Sunday.

The Kundalini is raging much like it did in the summer of 2016. It is the most beautiful experience this time, though. So much more than I can even describe. So much more than I can relay in words. It truly is a Divine time in my spiritual journey. Nothing up to this point comes close to matching the path I find myself on now. This August is shocking the hell out of me when usually my birth month is boring.

 

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Kundalini Dream: Trip to Montana

Usually August is a very slow and uneventful month for me but not this year. Some twists and turns happening but I don’t have time to write much on it at the moment except to quote Forrest Gump – Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what your gonna get. Indeed!

I found these 2 presents in the middle of the Forrest while walking my dog this morning. : WTF

For now I will leave it at that and share a wonderful dream I had the other night about visiting Montana. Lately I have been wanting to rent an RV and take a road trip to the mountains, specifically the Rockies because I have such great memories of my time there. So it is no surprise that I visited Montana in my dreams.

Kundalini Dream: Trip to Montana

I was on a house/train/RV (it morphed from one to the other) with a group. I recall it being my “house” (one’s own soul/self) at first and it was wide and spacious, golden and white in color and filled with modern things. The focus was on the TV which was a nice size and situated in the corner of the living room. The ambiance was nice overall. I felt happy.

Then I was on a train (life’s journey) heading through the mountains (higher realms of consciousness) of Montana. I was looking out the window while watching the rest of my group settle down for the long haul. Several were toking up, getting stoned and relaxing on blankets on the floor. As I watched the beautiful scenery I thought of taking photos (freezing moments in time) so I unlocked my phone and began to take pictures of the mountains. I recall seeing a mother antelope (much energy is needed to achieve goals) and her baby and snapped two photos of them as the train slowed allowing us all to see them. I also commented that everyone should pay attention to the beauty around us, and reminisced about my time visiting Glacier National park and the majestic mountains there.

I kept taking photos as the train went around a curve. There on the horizon was a mountain peak (reaching ones goals) surrounded by a circular formation of clouds (completion). In the distance I could see dark, billowing clouds of smoke coming from near the top of the mountain. The train slowed and I took a couple of shots and commented that it looked like a volcano (could be reference to the Kundalini). I was fascinated with the circular ring of clouds like a halo over the mountain top. Across from that scene was a beautiful, mountain lake (solace, peace of mind). I took a photo of it, too. Everything was so beautiful.

Inside the train I was asked if I wanted to smoke. I said no and that I had not done it in a long while. By this time the train had morphed into an RV (enjoy life to the fullest) and we were stopping for a break. When I got out I recognized the place – the shiny white flagstone and surroundings. I took another picture, this time of a dandelion (contentment) with the mountains in the background. The dandelion seemed to say, “Make a wish”. I focused on it more than the mountains when I took the picture.

I went inside the RV and accepted the invitation to smoke. I watched as they took this yellow-orange (mix of sacral and solar plexus chakras) looking plant and put it into a very white, wide rolling paper. The object looked more like a bunch of tiny grapes (decadence) than marijuana. They handed me a blunt and I took a long inhalation but felt nothing. A woman told me to wait a bit, that the effects would hit me hard.

As we sat enjoying our smoke the effects began to kick in and I smiled. At first it felt very much like being stoned, especially around my head/crown/eyes. I could feel my head and throat buzzing with energy. It snaked down into my heart and my whole body was vibrating. Eventually, this woke me up.

When I awoke my entire body was alive with Kundalini but my lower three chakras were the most affected. It took me an hour to relax enough to return to sleep.

Sync

The next morning on the way to work I got my husband to stop by Starbuck’s, something we rarely do. When we pulled up to the drive-through the car in front of us had Montana plates. I snapped a pic for evidence. It is rare to see Montana plates in Texas and then to have them right after such a powerful dream visit? Crazy!

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Kundalini Dream: Funky Town

Just when I think I am gonna get some good quality sleep…..the Full Moon energy hits! Ahhh!

Kundalini Dream: Funky Town

Again, wasn’t expecting this nor was I expecting how it would come about.

The dream began with me and my family attending a concert – a symphony (harmony/cooperation) actually. A young woman was trying to enter the theater and I kept holding her back. She wasn’t allowed and was bad news. I knew her somehow, though. Eventually, with the symphony starting, I had to let her in. So she came in with me keeping an eye on her.

We sat down with my husband and family. The theater was huge with row upon row of seats. As the first half began the entire seating area seemed to shift and roll. It was like we were on a roller coaster. I closed my eyes, falling into the movement. I could feel myself in my seat curving up, up and over, completely flipping backward and then back to upright. Secure in my seat I just allowed the motion. No fear. No concerns.

The woman who I brought in was chatting the whole time. I could feel tears welling up and then pouring down my cheeks. I don’t recall an emotion here except surrender. When I opened my eyes I was back facing the front of the theater where I had started. The woman mentioned my tears asking me why I was crying. I didn’t answer. I had no clue.

At intermission (break) we left and entered into a car (life path) to wait. The car was parked in front of a large, wooden gate (new phase of life) that was closed. Inside the car my older sister (aspect of Self) was with me talking to me about something she observed about me. I mostly ignored her, focusing on a picture I was drawing.

My sister was saying, “Isn’t it funny that the older you get, the less you try, the less fight you have left to even bother doing the things you want to do? Why do you think that is?” When she was saying this I saw a picture that she drew to illustrate. It was of blobs of “desire”. At first they were large but the farther across the paper they got, the smaller until they were nothing but thin lines.

I knew she was trying to get me to converse with her, to dig deep and find out why I have lost the desire to fight for what I want. So I continued to draw my picture. I put a “circle, circle, dot, dot” (boobs) on the person and then laughed and showed my sister. She kept talking about how I wasn’t fighting anymore, acting more concerned.

My husband who was in the driver’s seat said, “Why don’t we listen to something else. I wonder if we can purchase a different station?” He started scanning for new music and landed on 97.5 FM. I said,”No. It costs too much. Just leave it. The price is too high (telling my Self that the price of change/desire is too high).”

As intermission ended I looked ahead of the car. There was a huge bulldozer (need to clear clutter from life, feeling blocked) in front of us. I thought, “It is going to take forever to get through now.”

My sister kept talking to me about my loss of motivation and willpower. As she did I could hear music playing, one song then another. I focused on the images that came with it. I saw what seemed like movies playing and then rewinding in slow motion. At one point there were three scruffy dogs, one female and two males. The males were trying to mate with the female. One was successful. I watched, amused, thinking of a joke (trying to distract myself) my husband told me recently (read it here if you want to laugh). All the while my sister continued to try to get my attention.

My attention still on the mating dogs I felt what seemed like fingers being jabbed into my lower abdominal area. With this came a sharp pain and a bubble of intensely pleasurable energy. I tried to ignore it, still amused from the joke I was thinking about, but the jabbing continued as if I were being stabbed in the stomach. Finally the mixture of pain and pleasure woke me up. The bubble of energy was in my second chakra pushing upward but felt stuck. Though the energy was pleasurable, the pain was much more intense and uncomfortable. I wanted it to go away but instead it was like my body was not my own. Despite being awake my first and second chakras exploded in a mixture of pain and pleasure. I winced and rolled over on my side trying to figure out what was going on.

Message

The song, Funkytown was going through my head – “Won’t you take me to Funkytown….” When I listened and heard the first line I rolled my eyes. lol

I was not impressed and a bit irritated. My “sister” from the dream was now my partner in Spirit and he was being extremely pushy. He said, “We need to talk.” LOL – look at the lyrics – “Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it…..” I was mostly focused on the dogs wondering why the Kundalini energy would come on from such a visual, especially when I was finding it humorous. I eventually just let that go because, who the hell knows why the Kundalini does what it does anyway? lol

My partner kept asking me to consider what my sister in the dream was telling me. I still didn’t want to talk about it. I can see how as I get older I get less motivated to change, less interested in “fighting” for what I want. He asked me to think about 20 years ago. How am I different? I confirmed that, yes, I am way less likely to fight for what I want now. I am slowly falling into apathy. I justified this by saying, “Doesn’t everyone get like that as they get older?” I remember saying, “It doesn’t matter and taking risks to get something I want is too costly in the end (thus me saying “it costs too much” in the dream)”.

Honestly, the conversation didn’t get very far because I kept avoiding the images and memories that came to mind. It was the middle of the night and I wanted to sleep. I was a bit frustrated and irritated with my partner telling him I was not amused nor happy with his methods. And my lower abdominal area still ached. Not fun.

If you read the lyrics to Funkytown you will see his message. If he had a face I would have punched him – last night anyway. lol He was saying, “We love you.” I was thinking, “Go away!!!” as I nursed my achy tummy – which still hurts this morning. It feels like an ovarian cyst. Ugh.

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Dream: Circle of Friends

I was with a few others. We were going to a gathering of others like us. We entered into a space filled with drums, pillows, blankets, musical instruments and spiritual things. We waited for the others to arrive.

Someone mentioned that the others weren’t there yet. I asked if maybe they had the location wrong. We saw some people gathering at another location through the window. I knew my friend Sophia had set it up and was at the other location so I volunteered to call her.

Eventually we were all together in a circle. I sat next to Sophia. I had not seen her in so long. I turned and looked her in the eyes. She had one hand on her high heart. I placed my hand over the top of hers and then she placed her other hand over mine. I then put my right hand over the top of that. When I did this I closed my eyes and a surge of energy resulted. I could see a brilliant yellow light shoot out of her upper chest. She smiled. It felt like healing had occurred. She said, “I’ve been experiencing an upload.” I said, “I have too and am on the other side of it now. I feel good.” We discussed the other friend who had not arrived and assumed she had been experiencing something similar and likely needed time alone.

It felt like many who were suppose to be at the circle had not shown. Those who did show ended up talking for a while, getting to know one another. I recall looking at the unfamiliar faces and thinking about how everyone was so plain looking, as if the “awakened ones” were the “outcasts” or “unpopular” group. I didn’t care, though.

One person introduced themselves as “Sally”. It took me a while to hear her because there was this loud, mechanical sound drowning her out. I recall she looked male and being surprised she was female.

A man stood next to me and told his story, how he helped people (can’t recall how now but it was unusual). At one point I turned around and he was completely naked, his naked butt cheeks in my face. I turned away, smirking, and he apologized. I laughed and said, “Get your ass out of my face already.” LOL

Eventually we left and I found myself walking along the road (sense of direction) near my Mom’s house in the dark, the full moon illuminating the road. I was wearing socks (comfort) only and could feel the pebbles (minor annoyances) poking my feet. I was with friends and extremely happy and positive, enjoying the light of the full moon and the connection with nature and life.

When we reached the intersection (important decision) the others left me alone (have to make decision on my own). I stood there and noticed a microwave (quick action) sitting on the fence post. I found a small plate nearby and filled it with vegetables (spiritual nourishment) and put it in the microwave. Then I saw headlights and notice a tiny car parked near me. A car drove up and a person got out and began to yell at a small child in the tiny car. I went to the child’s rescue but discovered that I knew the people in the car, an old high school classmate (connection with others). We talked and she told me that the school was much different now.

Others joined us there at the intersection. Eventually they were all seated at a table and I was offering them my plate of veggies (help others gain spiritual nourishment). One guy took broccoli (spiritual nourishment), another green beans (the soul). I was happy to give up my food thinking it was likely the only healthy food any of them had in a long time.

Continued Message

I finally woke up completely, still tired and achy from the Kundalini episode. The dreams about the spiritual circle were vivid, especially the energy rush out of my friend Sophia’s chest. I find it interesting that I would dream about her and the walk-in group when I haven’t had dreams of her or them in ages. This coming after several dream visits by Yvonne, the organizer of the walk-in group who, of course, lives in Tennessee.

The message I am receiving now is that I am in need of a kick in the butt to get me to take action because, obviously, I have lost my “fight”. The sense I got from the message was that I need to take action immediately. I was told, “opportunity is coming.”

Really, though, I don’t have the motivation to change….at.all. There is a feeling of, “Why bother?” Life goes on no matter what. Survival is still part of it and survival is drudgery.

Part of the conversation with my partner was about my vibration/energy and how the primary energy I am sending out right now is “fear”. He referred to my purpose, asking, “How can you fulfill your purpose if you are primarily projecting fear?” I can see how apathy = succumbing to fear and how my lack of motivation and action is a result of fear. But when you have failed time and time again it is not easy to get back up and fight. Eventually you just stay down and accept that as your place.

 

 

 

 

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Kundalini Dream: Friends Forever

Lots of vivid dreams lately. I have also been exhausted. Yesterday was better energy-wise, though I slept until 9am which is unheard of for me. The day before I actually took a nap which is also rare for me.

Last night I slept light compared to the last few nights. There is a sense of being pushed by my guidance again; like I am being asked to return to and inspect certain issues. I was not expecting what happened in dreamtime.

Kundalini Dream: Friends Forever

This dream began in a classroom. I was observer and also participant. The room itself was small and cast in a golden color. In it was a group of students, me included. The assignment was to create a video (review past situation or lesson). I don’t recall the specific subject (love maybe?) but I think it was a parody (making light of the issue).

I was given a long poem (improve communication with someone) and ended up making it into a song (expression of emotion). I spent a good portion of this part of the dream singing the song but can’t recall any of it except that it had no chorus and made little sense.

Eventually I was called to play my part. This is when I became the observer and from a distance I looked closely at myself and saw my face was covered in acne (feeling awkward or out of place in a situation or relationship) lesions and scarring. I said aloud, “I look awful.” There was recognition, though, that the me I was observing seemed not to be upset by how she looked. She wasn’t even wearing makeup (not hiding).

The me in the scene was asked to find a swimming cap (put a cap on emotion) and goggles (protect self from emotional harm) from another classroom (lesson). I was told, “It is under my swimsuit” by the girl requesting it. I went to the classroom and found the things and then got lost on the way back looking for the 5th grade hallway.

There is a shift here and I end up on my way home with a load of groceries (emotional fulfillment/nourishment) in the trunk (old issues) of my car. I run into another teacher and stop to chat. He also had groceries in his car. There is a strong connection between us and I keep finding excuses to stay despite my son coming and interrupting our conversation several times.

I asked the man if he wanted help unloading his groceries then stayed and chatted with him about random topics. We got along really well and it seemed there was a telepathic connection between us also. I knew he felt our connection. The elephant in the room in the dream was we were both married.  There was an unspoken understanding that we could never be anything but friends.

It seemed as though much time had passed, me continuing to visit with him and our friendship growing. There was one discussion about the sky (possibility) and how it could foretell the future. He looked up and said, “I see thousands of faces (possible selves) in the clouds.” I said, “You do?” When I looked it was mostly blue with some very high level stratus clouds. My son came over and interrupted again talking about what he saw in the clouds. I don’t remember what he said but the man looked at me and he said, “That means romance.” Uncomfortable, I looked away and said, “I know…”

I could see my son and husband across the way tending to a stock tank (pond). The land was bare, mostly reddish dirt. I knew the man I was with also had a pond (keeping emotions contained). I mentioned that he might have to dig a trench connecting our ponds to keep the water level up. I could see that the water in my pond was low and muddy (muddy emotion).

For some reason I told him about a parrot (repetition of information, could be a person) that had gotten into my room one time and how it’s loud squawking startled me awake so I gave it away. I was laughing about it when I sensed a shift in his emotions. Up until that point it seemed we had been purposefully avoiding talking about our connection. We loved each other so much but also knew we could not be together except as friends. It was a painful reality no person would want to confront.

I turned to face him. His was so beautiful and safe. He opened his arms and I crawled inside his embrace. He pulled me close to him and I rested my head on his chest. I could feel his warmth, hear his heartbeat and feel his muscular arms. It was so very real. It seemed like we were sitting on a train (life’s journey) or a plane near the window. He was looking out the window holding me close. We seemed to be traveling together. I wanted to stay there with him, to never leave his arms.

The more I fell into the moment, fully surrendering to the love, the more lucid I became. A warmth welled up from within me, pooling in my root chakra and then exploding upward like a geyser into my heart and throat. In the dream I began to cry tears of joy and snuggled even closer to my lover and best friend. His warmth mirrored the warmth within me. The feeling was/is familiar. It is perfection. Divinity. Wholeness.

The energy became so intensely beautiful that it woke me up. I resisted waking, grasping for what remained of our beautiful connection. All I wanted was to stay in his arms, close my eyes and BE. But the dream vanished leaving me with the stark realization that I was – am –  alone. The love and connection was gone. I cried.

I couldn’t sleep after that. The dream was a reminder of everything I don’t have in my life. There is a Knowing that I could have what I had in my dream and a strong urge to rush out into the world and find it. It is like I am being Called. I am no stranger to this feeling and am good at suppressing it now. An old pro. Just push it down, down, down and use logic to remind myself of reality.

My partner in Spirit was there. I’m not sure if he was helping or not because it seemed he was encouraging me to change my reality to match my dream. But the scenario in my dream was obvious. Whoever that man was I could only be his friend. In the dream I was okay with that, we both were. We were happy just having one another close by. That was enough. Could I live that reality? I don’t know. Considering I don’t have anyone like that “close by” I suppose I don’t have to worry about it.

Dream: Sharks in the Water

My entire pelvis area was stiff and uncomfortable and I thought there no way I would return to sleep, but somehow I did. In this dream I was traveling with a man. The part I recall the most is seeing him, his dark hair covered in shampoo (clearing out old attitudes and beliefs, taking a new course in a relationship or situation). I also had shampoo all over my hair and I said to him, “We look funny don’t we.” I was amused but he seemed overly serious, like he was deep in thought. He turned and pointed to a camera (clinging to the past, get clearer picture or idea of something) that was laying near a pile of dirty laundry and a washing machine. He said, “You might want to take that with you when you go.” I said, “Sure. Of course.” There was a memory that we had borrowed the camera from a friend and the friend was impatient to have it returned.

I picked up the camera. My mind went to my car. I would need to put the camera in the glove compartment so I wouldn’t forget it when I left. When I saw the pile of laundry (cleaning up or changing attitudes and self)  I gathered some up and put it in the wash. There was still a pile of dirty gray (depression, fear) bed sheets (sexuality). I said, “Looks like I will have to do more laundry.”

Then I was walking through the house (own soul/self). There were three doors at the entry. One was the main entrance and the other two went to bedrooms. One bedroom was empty inside and I knew it was haunted (repressed emotion). The first time I went into the room it was empty. The second time the man was there.

Next, I was in my car with my son. His glasses were dirty so I cleaned them (seeking understanding). Then I put them on and noticed his prescription was almost like mine but the left side was blurry. I gave them back to him.

Then we were going back to the house. The entire front yard was covered in a thick, spongy material that looked gray at first but then turned vivid green. The walkway was overgrown with weeds (feeling cast aside, relationship gone wrong), though. My children came walking toward the car with fishing poles (exploring subconscious). A man said, “We can’t go fishing. There are sharks in the water (harm to self).”

Heartsick

All I can say is that I have not been myself today. These dreams, especially the first, made a big impression on me. I think something shifted inside, at my core. Mostly I feel sad and lonely. That connection from the dream is real. It exists in this reality, not just in a dream, not just as Kundalini. And when I touch upon it like I did in that dream I wake up changed. I’m homesick and …heartsick. I’ve never missed someone/something so much. It is times like these I just don’t understand. I don’t know what to do when this feeling hits me. I never do. Of all the feelings I’ve ever experienced, this yearning is the worst. My heart hurts and it seems like I can’t do anything about it.