Category Archives: kundalini

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Dream Visits From a Friend

Lots and lots of dreams and perfect recall lately. In many cases I wake up and remember being lucid but somehow the memory of it is barely there. It is as if I am purposefully blocking lucidity in my dreams except for certain moments. The last two nights have been really busy and my memories indicate some “house cleaning” taking place.

There are so many dreams I could recount but I am only going to mention a few because of their significance.

Two Dream Visits

First there are the dream visits by my friend Yvonne Perry, author of Walk-Ins Among Us and owner of the We Are 1 in Spirit website. She resides in Tennessee where I visited her in September, 2016. I also met up with her and another group of walk-in’s in Mt. Shasta, CA in May, 2016. She and her husband have created a beautiful spiritual retreat on their property. They call it Sweet Home Retreat, and it is a magical, fairy protected space to connect, tune in and heal.

Wednesday morning:

I had a dream where I was preparing meals every day of the week as part of my class assignment. Each student was assigned a week where they had to prepare a full meal for all the other students in their class. My week was this week and I had decided to prepare ribs (unhappiness, lack of money, or marriage), slow cooked, with potato (finance concerns) salad for my Friday meal. I choose the ribs over a chicken (cowardice) meal in my mind. I recognize the ribs as a recurring dream symbol upon waking.

I remember being successful with my meal preparation and my meals being a big hit. There is also memory of working very hard to get my house clean and getting the help of my husband and children to clean it. It was the cleanest I had ever seen it and I felt very satisfied and clean when I surveyed our progress. There is specific memory of the kids rooms which were also bathrooms having graffiti (low self-worth) on the walls from others who had visited. I remember specifically asking my husband to tend to the walls.

I asked my mom to help me with the Friday meal by picking up pre-seasoned, pre-cooked ribs for me and then asked her to help with the potato salad because her recipe is the best. I did this while checking my email that morning. I was casually scrolling through FB and enjoying myself, completely oblivious to the time. Then I noticed it was already past 8am and realized I was late for work. I rushed out making sure my mom would get the ribs and help prepare for that night.

When I arrived at work I walked up to a door where I knew my boss was waiting. The halls were all white and shiny metal and it reminded me of a military installation. The door was guarded but when the guy saw me he let me in saying “She’s waiting for you.”

Inside there were computer monitors and screens, like an observation room. My boss, who I recognized as Yvonne Perry, was there and I apologized for being late. She was not upset. She began to talk to me about her memories of when she was my age – 40s – telling me that her memory loss was really a bother but that she is use to it now. She gave examples of things she forgot but specifically I remember her saying, “It’s the dopamine that does it.”

There are moments during my dreams where I am lucid, but they are limited. It is like I am purposefully forgetting my lucidity but not sure why. I know that my lucidity made my dreams very real to me and clear, in fact I recall remarking about how different the experience was. In one memory I am opening my eyes and looking at the walls of my bedroom. My eyes are very heavy with sleep and I think I am in my physical body and awake but I also know I am OOB. The walls are very unfamiliar yet a part of me knows they should be familiar so I talk my self into remembering as I open and close my eyes and focus on the green walls of my bedroom. I experience very real memory loss during this time but do not panic.

In another vivid, lucid memory I am clearing my house. This memory seems to mirror the actual dream where I am cleaning my house except the lucid memory is of knowing that I am not clearing physical debris but energetic debris. I sweep the rooms mentally, noting areas of clutter (energy blocks) and with one thought wipe out the blocks and clear the space. I can see colors too, swirling around – blues, yellows, oranges, etc. It is like a rainbow of energy but the energy at the end is white and “clear” of all color. My house looks like a physical house but it is not at all like the one I live in. It is more like a generic house and my focus is on the bedrooms, all of which have no furniture but are bare, white walls with energetic, colored blobs here and there. In the end, the rooms are cleared of all blobs of color and completely cleaned out.

While clearing the house I recognize that I can control and clear my physical body in a similar way. I do not need physical hands or anything physical to initiate change in my body. Specifically, I apply this to my pleasure centers and am able to initiate Kundalini bliss. 🙂

Early this morning:

I had awakened briefly at 7am and somehow managed to fall back to sleep (rare). I entered a dream scene that was dark and shadowy. I saw my children sitting in front of a TV that was small, white and dated. I asked where our regular TV was and they said, “Daddy took it away”. I was angry at my husband as this is a common occurrence in our home. I remember thinking, “I am done with this!” Note: this part of the dream is likely because when I woke my children were crying and protesting something their father had done, likely taking away the computer/TV.

After talking with my children, specifically my daughter about earrings, I remember a young woman standing in front of me. She said she wanted to change her appearance. Her head then morphed into that of a younger woman. I said it did not match her body. So she literally pulled her skin off like she was wearing a suit. I helped her step out of her skin (shield of inner self, exposing inner self) and she stood there in the body of a 10 year-old girl. I remember us talking as if we were the same person and wondering how I would adjust to the change.

We both went to a computer and watched what seemed like a live court hearing. I don’t recall the specifics except that it had to do with “judgment” and being careful not to judge myself and others.

The dream scene shifted and I was in a kitchen (transformation) with my friend Yvonne. The girl was with me but she looked different and felt grown and like my partner. Her hair was jet black and she was much shorter than me and Yvonne.

I believe we were in Yvonne’s kitchen at Sweet Home. The walls were bright yellow and everything was glowing. In front of me was a plate with dividers. She was explaining the types of food I should eat and pointing to each food. I recall berries, seeds, nuts (walnuts specifically – joy/abundance) and legumes. When she got to the lentils (roots, connection to humanity) I saw them vividly in all colors. She said, “Eat a lot of these.”

I reacted with surprise and my thought was, “I can’t eat like this.” lol I was thinking of only eating nuts and berries all the time and it seemed insufficient. The walnuts especially put me off. I don’t especially enjoy eating them. The thought of eating lots of lentils was unappetizing, too, though I do like them.

As if in response to my thoughts, a jar of something white appeared. I thought it might be kefir but the explanations that came to mind was that it was a food that supported estrogen levels. So, of course, I figured it must be tofu. There was also information that the entire change in diet would support the changes I am currently and will be going through. These changes are not just hormone-related. Ultimately, the message was, “Change your diet to include these things”.

Then Yvonne was standing in front of a cutting board with a steak (raw emotion) on it. She said, “If you insist on eating meat then you should cut off all the fat (overindulgence).” She then showed me how but I saw how difficult it would be and said, “There is no way to get rid of all the marbling.”

For a moment I was looking around at my surroundings, reclined in a chair. To my right was a sign with writing on it. It was white with faded green letters. When I first read it I thought it said Atlanta but upon further inspection I saw “Tennessee” written on the bottom so I knew it couldn’t be Atlanta. I read the top word again and it definitely started with an “A” but my memory is clouded here.

When I woke up I thought, “Athens”. So, I believe the sign said, “Athens, Tennessee.”

Best Places to Live in Athens, TennesseeDream: French Class

I reported to school. It appeared to be a high school. I knew I was late and had to ask someone what period it was. I was told, “8th”. I remembered that my 8th period class was French (language of love) and someone told me that the teacher would not be very forgiving.

When I entered the class the teacher was not upset. He handed me a small piece of paper that had words in lists. It was a test but someone had already completed it but the oral portion had not been. I remember thinking, “I know absolutely nothing about French (feeling unprepared regarding some subject matter, likely love).”

I sat down and observed the class and students. Nothing seemed to be going on. The students were all grouped together, whispering and looking at me. One began to ask me about French, assuming I knew the language enough to take the test. I said, “I know absolutely no French. I wish this were Spanish class….even German. I have spoken German before.” The student laughed and said, “You speak German?” I said, “No, but I can read and pronounce it.” In my memory I recall learning different languages to sing songs my first year in college as a music major. German and French were the most difficult to pronounce. Italian was my favorite. I thought of singing for the class the Italian song I sang for choir tryouts in college, but couldn’t remember the name of it.

Then I was taking a bath (cleansing, renewal) in a side room located next to the classroom. It was open to the room and the teacher came in to talk to me. I was not upset by my nakedness (vulnerability). I remember seeing pink flowers (love) floating in the water with me. The teacher was tall, with dark hair and dressed nicely in a suit.

We talked for a while, me very obviously naked, him fully clothed. I can’t recall our conversation now but the feeling left me nervous and unprepared, much like I felt in the class, as if I would be learning a difficult, foreign language (subconscious message I do not understand).

After waking I remembered the song I wanted to sing for the class – Amarilli, Mia Bella. I sang it in (1995) as part of an audition to be invited into the music program and join choir. Imagine this: Standing on a large theater stage all alone with a light shining on you. The seats below and auditorium are completely dark except for a group of four or five teachers/professors there to judge you. This was me in 1995.

What is funny is that during that audition I also sang a German song. In the middle of the German song I forgot the lyrics to the point that I had to stop and apologize to the group of judges sitting below me in the near empty auditorium. LOL To this day I still laugh about it. Regardless of that hiccup, I made the secondary choir and was invited into the program but I opted not to return to that college my sophomore year.

Yes, I can sing like this. lol

Based on the song memory and symbolism I believe the discussion I had with my teacher was on the subject of love. And likely a reminder that it is important to be able to laugh at yourself when you make a mistake. 😉

Considerations

I am obviously doing clearing work, that I know, but the dreams with my friend Yvonne are curious to me. The message about dopamine and diet come across as significant. I looked up dopamine and memory and turns out that low dopamine can result in memory loss. The diet feels like a suggestion to shift to more of the type of foods in the dream. I tend to pay attention to these kinds of dreams because I have found them to be accurate. For example, not long ago I was told to stop taking Vitamin A, so I did. Not long after I realized my multivitamin had twice the amount I needed so I was taking additional Vitamin A which could have been harmful. Overall, the message from these dreams suggests a change in diet will help me manage certain changes beyond just hormonal ones.

The message about Athens, TN is also interesting. Yesterday, I did an astromap of locations in the US which would be good for me to live in or visit. I had one done years ago which always indicated California but at the suggestion of a friend I revisited my map.

astro_acm_01_dayna.55423.22080

I have reviewed this map before and again kept being drawn to the eastern US, specifically GA and TN. One specific location in TN catches my eye. It is near Knoxville but because of the map scale the specific coordinates are not available. Three lines cross in TN, two specifically around Knoxville. These lines are Venus (DS) and the Moon (MC). The third is Mercury. According to astro.com:

Venus is seen to be the search for unity and a balancing of opposite poles.

Venus located along one of the main axes ensures an extremely pleasant and relaxing time. Social life takes precedent, and meeting people is a more harmonious activity. The more balanced level of energy at these locations promote mutual understanding, and allows for new friendships to be formed. Love relationships are intensified, in fact, these are perfect conditions for getting married and enjoying one’s honeymoon.

Apart from the Sun, the Moon is the most important component within the horoscope, and in Astro Maps, its lines are also considered of major importance. The Moon’s energy lines really affect the emotional and psychic domain, which creates an internal focus.

Similarly, DS and MC meanings are as follows:

DS:

The Descendant lies opposite the Ascendant. This is the point at which the signs of the zodiac and the planets disappear below the horizon. It is a place of meeting and with each sunset, when the cosmos and the Earth melt together, its symbolism is revealed. The Sun, which represents the “I”, dissolves and the “You” appears in its place.

“The Ascendant is the place of self-recognition, the Descendant the place where we recognize others. We find ourselves through the Ascendant but we discover others through the Descendant. 

MC:

The Medium Coeli or Midheaven corresponds to that point where the Sun is culminating. It exerts its strongest influence and throws the smallest shadow. Accordingly, this important point deals with issues such as consciousness, power and reputation. Planets found along the MC, or in aspect to it, exert an influence on these areas of life.

Contact to the MC-axis promotes job prospects, social standing and every type of social engagement. Naturally enough, we can only reap what we have previously sown. If you can accept this, and are prepared to assume responsibility, you will find support and patronage at such locations. MC lines put us in touch with company, state and influential authorities. We think more “prestigiously”, are ambitious and search for recognition. What matters is success and effective performance. Detrimental planetary placements can result in loss of power, job crises and loss of faith in leaders.

There is much more to this, I’m sure, but the draw to this location is strong and now I have a bit more understanding as to why. I have had numerous dreams of TN and have researched transferring my teaching certificate (easy) and job prospects (good) in the area. It would be easy to relocate. Maybe at some point I will and I think my dreams are a result of me mulling over the idea.

Finally, something comes to mind this morning after all this dream recall. On the 8th of June I had an unexpected message come to me. I was watching TV when an energy to my left caught my attention. I was covered in warm, loving energy that wrapped around me. I sensed time slow and a message came through – “It’s time to leave”. I acknowledged the message and was again covered in all-over body energy that was soothing.

Of course, the message could mean anything but it comes to mind now as I write this as does my continued draw to attend a yoga seminar in Atlanta this September.

I am still waiting to see if the message about today (June 15) will come to pass. I was told, “You will need cash.” Of course, don’t we always need cash? lol The only thing so far that has happened is a rock hit my windshield on Wednesday and now there is a crack half-way across it making its way to the driver’s side. It will be $200 to replace but I don’t have to replace it.

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Kundalini Dream: Queen of Sheba

Another visit from the Kundalini this morning. Two events in three days. Not bad after such a long break.

Kundalini Dream: Queen of Sheba

This dream is complex and so will be difficult to recount because there are two stories going on at the same time. One story takes place on a “screen” and I am an observer of it. The other story takes place off screen where I watch the screen while laying in a bed.

The story taking place on the screen is of a queen. I don’t know who the queen is but she is very powerful and revered. She first appears as old and tired. She is still revered and powerful but her desire and motivation have been depleted by life. I see her hair as brown with large amounts of gray streaked through it. Her hair is short and pulled back in a ponytail. Her face is tired and etched with deep lines. She doesn’t smile but looks serious. She seems to be struggling to maintain her strength and pose.

She has a male caretaker who speaks to me (I shift from observer to participant throughout). There is a serious discussion about the queen but I don’t recall it. Some kind of exchange or proposition is being presented. The queen is very insistent that she get what she wants.

The dream shifts to the queen who is standing in the middle of the room. She has regained her strength and her hair no longer has streaks of gray. As she moves toward a large window she reaches down and takes hold of a massive amount of hair that I hadn’t noticed prior to this point. The hair is long, reaching down to her ankles, and has been braided into tiny, individual braids (determination and strong will). She gathers up her braided hair and smiles. There is a sense that her hair gives her strength and restores her power. It is at this point that I recognize her to be the Queen of Sheba, though I have no idea what that means.

In the other story, I am in a large bed under a plush comforter. To my right is a pre-adolescent boy. To my left is a mature man. I am holding the hands of both and we are all watching a large screen in front and slightly above us. All three of us are naked.

I am very aware of this part of the dream, especially that I am between two male individuals and holding both their hands. My focus and attention is mostly on the man to my left. I am curious and a bit fascinated by him. My memory of the man on my left is that he is young, perhaps early 20’s, tall, and very pale skinned. In contrast, the young man to my right has darker skin and dark hair. He feels to be related to me but how, I am not sure, but I feel responsible for him and somewhat protective.

My awareness is mostly of holding each of their hands during this time. I feel both their hands very solidly. The young man has his hand wrapped around mine like a child would hold the hand of his mother. The other man has intertwined his fingers with mine in an offer of companionship, protection and support.

At one point the man to my left gets out of bed. He is completely naked and I can’t help but admire his beauty. He is very skinny and white and has not one hair on his body. I never see his head or face. My gaze follows him as he steps out of the bedroom and into the hallway. I see his entire backside and as he turns I avert my eyes so as not to see his nether regions. The odd thing here is that the bedroom we are in is familiar. I swear it is my old bedroom at my mom’s house.

As he turns and walks back to the bed I close my eyes, squeezing them tightly. It is odd that I do this and I’m not sure why I do but the feeling I have is, “I don’t want to see.” It is like I’m afraid of what I will see and what my reaction will be to it.

He got back into bed and we both faced the movie screen. This is when I see the Queen of Sheba and all her long braids from above. I remember talking to the guy on my left about the movie we are watching and how exciting it is. There is a scene I mention where a woman comes on strongly to a man, pushing herself up against him and kissing him. I remember the man on my left did not react to my amusement. I had sent him a telepathic question as to what his opinion was of women who were like the woman in the movie. He never answered me.

A bit of awkward time passes. Again I am aware of my hands and what they are doing. The young man on my right is still holding my hand. The man to my left is taking my hand and lightly tickling it with his finger. I make the decision to let go of the young man’s hand. My memory of this decision is that I feel the young man will be okay without me.

My attention fully on the man to my left I sense from him an open invitation to be closer, though there are no words spoken. He lets his right leg drop and scoots closer to me. I move closer, shifting onto my left side, and position myself to where his leg fits snugly between my legs. Then he takes my right arm and pulls it toward him, laying it across his bare chest. The sensation of our naked bodies pressed up against each other is very vivid and real. There is a flash of his face at this time but the memory is lost to me now except for a blur of white.

My lower chakras ignite instantly and I am overcome with desire to the point that it wakes me up. I lay there awake, stunned. My root chakra is very large, extending down to my knees. It feels magnetic, so strong that it makes my legs feel to be two to three feet apart when in reality they are side by side. I focus on the sensations, amazed that no matter how often the Kundalini visits the sensations she brings are always different.

My partner is speaking to me but I can’t remember what he says or what we talk about specifically. While we communicate energy moves up my spine toward my heart. It is very physical and warm, like I am injected with medicine. There is slight discomfort but I know if it were any more intense, pain would result. When the warmth reaches my heart it begins to warm up, too. A nice swirl of energy results but there is a block at my third chakra. I can feel it distinctly. The energy in my spine can pass through it, but not completely. The result is a build-up of warmth at my diaphragm and a slight discomfort in my hips and just above my pubic bone.

To feel the specific blockage was fascinating to me. I wanted to will the energy in my heart to grow but sensed it was not a good idea. So I let the energy move back down. I encouraged this by finally shifting my physical body. Even then, though, the energy remained in my root chakra, shooting all the way to my knees.

Considerations

The symbolism of this dream experience is interesting to me. First, there is the Queen of Sheba. I had to Google it this morning and stumbled upon this article. I reviewed the biblical story and everything but only the beginning of this article resonated. Not only does the author equate Sheba to Maat but the crescent moon as well. After my embodiment experience I drew this image:

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The left side of the drawing is me before embodiment. The right side is me after embodiment. See the two crescent moons – one above and one below the individual? Yeah. Interesting, huh?

I am unsure as to who the two male individuals are in the dream. I’ve long had dreams with a young, dark haired, boy. So it could be him again. One particular OBE comes to mind where I saw the young man setting fire to bushes. He was dancing around amused as I tried desperately to put out the fires he set. lol

Whatever the symbolism, I am certain the Kundalini is back, working her magic and clearing yet another layer of blockage. I have gotten repeated messages from my partner to remember what I have learned thus far and use it to let the Kundalini reveal to me more of her secrets. I am not afraid. In fact, I am curious and enthusiastic.

January 2018

As for the last Kundalini dream and the messages that I received pertaining to June 15 and unfinished business from January, I finally went back to my blog posts from January. Turns out I was documenting my dreams for the first twelve days of the month to see if they would give insight into the coming year. This month would relate to January 6th. Here is the post from January 6th.

I don’t know exactly what the dreams from that day might mean for this month. A good portion of the dreams involve my family, my mom and step-dad, religion, sexuality and my marriage. There may be some annoying issues coming to the surface. What is interesting is that I read an astrological blog just yesterday about how this new moon (which comes very close to June 15) may bring to the surface annoyances and upsets relating to family and relationships.

Overall, this past January was a busy months spiritually and otherwise. I seem to be doing a lot of healing on many levels. It is also a preparation month. I was preparing for the embodiment experience I had in early February.

I will add that I recall a portion of the conversation I was having with my partner this morning while recovering from the Kundalini. I mentioned how I missed feeling Alive and was asking how I could maintain it. He said, “Take a break from ________”. I’m not going to include the rest of the message but my reaction was shock and then, “Yeah, right. Like that will help.” Hahaha However, the Kundalini can be very persistent and persuasive. If she keeps up like this I am bound to give in and listen eventually, right? We’ll see. I’m pretty damn stubborn.

 

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Kundalini Dream: Returned

I was surprised and blown away last night. It’s been a very long time since the Kundalini visited and she came in like a lion. Pounce!

Before I get into that, I knew something was upcoming, though I didn’t post here, obviously. I keep a private blog and wrote some of the messages I received there. I received messages throughout May indicating more “work” needed to be done along with dreams where I continuously pushed away encounters of the Divine or Kundalini kind, waking myself up in outright protest. There were several discussions with guidance about “getting back to work”, all of which I casually acknowledged and ultimately I agreed to move forward. I had no idea really what the specific “work” would be but was told I would need another “catalyst” (God help me). I noted that my guidance told me, “It is not meant to hurt you” and I understood any hurt I experienced in the past was of my own doing.

I’ve been really good at ignoring any hints and external/internal messages up until now. I figured it best to focus on living and not get too caught up analyzing messages that could be interpreted multiple ways. In fact, I realize now, after the fact, that yesterday I received a major hint via song that I noticed but ignored outright. The song was In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins. There was a line from it that I kept singing wrong. I sang, “I’ve been waiting for this summer for all my life…..” Obviously, “summer” should have been “moment”. It so happens today is the last day of school for my kids. Summer is officially here.

Preparation

I crawled into bed and prepared for my nightly meditation. Even before I could close my eyes I was hit with fantastic waves of energy spreading from the center of my spine outward. It was like a blanket of tingly energy hugs wrapping around me over and over in waves. I perceived in front of me, standing in a circle, five Beings, and immediately knew something was up. My partner in Spirit was close and the message was clear that something was coming. What? I had no clue and didn’t attempt to inquire.

The next thing I recall is working with my own energy body. I took a small, sphere of blue light, no bigger than the palm of my hand. Inside it had a white light that looked like a lightning bolt that pulsated and shifted. I used this sphere of blue light to interact with other spheres on my body, specifically one that was white with a golden lining. The sensation of this work was very pleasant. I cannot recall the details of the process except that I started at my head and worked my way down. My physical body responded so intensely to the stimulation of the energy body that it woke me up in orgasmic waves of bliss. Upon waking I knew I had been doing the work on myself as the part of me residing outside of myself. My memory is of two overlapping experiences, which is bizarre in and of itself yet felt completely normal. So normal, in fact, that I returned to sleep almost instantly.

Kundalini Dream: Returned

The beginning of this dream is fuzzy. I remember being with my brother and asking him if I could play his saxophone (a deep connection with someone). He handed it to me and I put my fingers on the keys remembering the sequences of the notes to play the scale. I commented that it had been a long time since I had played and hoped I could remember how. The mouthpiece was not right, however, and I noticed the screws were loose. I informed my brother and showed him the screws. I don’t remember hearing the notes but I do remember playing the scale and it feeling familiar.

The next thing I recall is having a conversation with a friend of mine. She was blonde and slender – very beautiful. She mentioned a birthday party (coming to terms with self) we had all attended and a gift she had been given. It seemed like I had given her the gift (sacrifice made for another). She had decided to return it for reasons unknown and was talking to me about her decision. She informed me that initially when she tried to return it she changed her mind. I told her I understood, that it was a difficult decision but that she should do what she felt was right for her. I felt in no way insulted by her decision to give back what I had gifted to her.

Then she was telling me that she exchanged her gift for something else and handed me the left over money. It was $2. I took the money and she left, satisfied with her decision.

After this I entered into a void where I received a phone call (communication). It was from my physical counterpart. He was checking in on me and asking me to fill him in on what had transpired regarding a “story” I had shared with him long ago. This part is hazy but the feelings are not. I was nervous and undecided as to whether I should tell what happened. I felt embarrassed about the rest of the story because my actions were below what I expected of myself. I had failed. Miserably. And it was difficult to confront and to tell him about how I felt and what I did. To do so would force me to confront my own disappointment and failure.

Then we were face-to-face sitting on the steps of a swimming pool (cleansing, renewal, need to understand feelings). No one else was with us and as far as I know we were both completely naked (of course, right? lol). I called him by name and we hugged. He seemed very amused but kept it to himself only allowing a smirk or two to show now and then. I could feel his amusement but did not take offense because there was compassion and love behind it.

He told me that he had decided to return his gift and showed me a mental image of the gift. It looked like a large, glowing, white book. He mentioned he was on his way to another birthday party but had decided at the last minute to come see me instead. I told him he should go and not waste his time on me, that I would be fine. He insisted on staying telling me I was much more important and he didn’t want to go to the party anyway.

We hugged and kissed many times. I could not believe he was there and kept staring at his face and he kept smirking and chuckling at my reaction (typical). The entire time I was overcome with desire. It was hitting me in waves, intoxicating and familiar. I could feel tears slowly streaming down my face. I was so completely happy.

I heard a male voice say very clearly, “Don’t cry….” With this I was pulled into waking reality, face wet with tears. All my lower chakras were on fire and I was in a state of mild shock. I remember thinking, “Holy Jesus, F*(^% God!”

I couldn’t sleep for a while after that, which is usual after a jolt of Kundalini like that. My partner talked me through it and I reminded myself to not confuse dream reality with waking reality. I told myself multiple times, “It was just a dream.”

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Dream: Withdrawal

Somehow I returned to sleep and fell into a dream about school. I was reminded that I had enrolled in a class early in January but had missed six classes. I saw a calendar in my head and the date was around January 9th. The next class was scheduled for this Friday yet it felt like it was still January. I made the excuse of being caught up in family obligations, totally forgetting that I had class.

The woman I was talking to told me that it looked like I had paid $700 (understanding, wisdom, rewards) toward another class – a special choir (harmony/balance). I asked her if there was any way I could make up the 6 classes I had missed. I mentioned the class by name but only remember that it had the word “education” in it. I assumed the past homework was research papers. I told her I could get a paper done in 5 hours. She said the papers were 5 pagers and that she doubted I could get all six of them done in time. I said I could email the professor but when I looked up the professor’s contact info the only info provided was for her teaching assistant.

Ultimately, I opted to drop all the classes and completely withdraw because I had missed so many classes and “already had my Master’s degree”.

In the end of the dream I returned to a space where I had left my open laptop, a fish aquarium with frogs (change/the unexpected) in it and a large, keyboard (harmony/balance) for playing music. The space felt like my old bedroom at my mom’s house. It was raining (renewal, grace) and I grabbed an umbrella to shield the computer from the rain only someone had already moved the laptop and keyboard. I thanked them (it was a woman) and then went to the aquarium and was told, “They are acting weird.” I said it was likely because they had gone without air and looked down into the tank. There were tiny frogs. I fed them and realized I had never fed them and they were starving.

Messages and Considerations

Every time I woke up last night it felt like I slept the whole night when in reality only an hour or two had passed. It was odd and my dream recall was extremely strong. I had two more dreams after the one above, but won’t recount them here because the symbolism is consistent.

There were messages coming through alongside the dreams. One message was of a coffee cup (awareness) with the word “NOW” written in big letters on the side.

I kept waking up in the midst of conversations with a masculine energy. In one instance he was saying, “We work together. I help you. You help me.”

Not long after that I received the message that I had not treated my body properly and it was too late now. It felt like I was being told that I had misused my preparation time so would have to do with what I had.

Upon waking I heard, “Gemini” and then, “June 15” but I kept thinking “January” instead of “June”. I heard the message twice which brought me out of my reverie and then heard, “You must have cash.” After this final message I couldn’t return to sleep.

I believe the “Gemini” part was for clarification and that January represents something that was going on in that month that was left unfinished or interrupted. The above dream suggests I look back at this past January and any unfinished lessons.

As for the Kundalini dream, the symbolism indicates that a gift was given and returned. The gift was from me to two others and they have both opted to return the gift. In the past I was told that the heart connection I experienced was a gift, so perhaps that is what the gift in the dream symbolizes? The “returned” part also seems to indicate a return to a path, at least that is what it felt like to me anyway.

My initial response to the dreams and returning Kundalini is mixed. The return of the Kundalini is wonderful but there is worry about what will result. The “follow the 8 winds” advice comes to mind. It is easy to say but hard to do in actuality, especially in the presence of the Kundalini.

 

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Stepping Up…for Real This Time

These requests come from within only every once in a while. I’ve felt them a few times but I can’t say I have answered the Call the way I should. I feel that I have fallen short each time, never quite fully devoted to what I signed up for.

My dreams are indicating it is time to shift from healing self to healing humanity; from individualized healing to universal/collective healing. Messages and syncs line up with this message as well. Time to grow. Time to expand.

Of course, healing self is healing humanity, but this is at the micro level really. We can only spend so much time on the self. Eventually we have to step beyond the ME to the US.

The messages come through in my dreams as me being encouraged to renovate another house, one that is not mine (as in my own self/path) but one that is shared – a communal  living situation (Earth/Humanity/the Collective). I am resistant, however, citing all sorts of reasons, primarily my children, for why I have been absent from the community for so long. It is my Home after all, but I stay away, clinging to my lingering attachments and responsibilities. The message that assisting the collective is also assisting my family seems to go completely over my head. I am hesitant and overly concerned about losing that which I have created in this lifetime.

But mostly there is a sense of the unknown and the typical fear that goes with it. The growth ahead is magnificent beyond compare. There is freedom written all over it. But do I really want that kind of freedom? At what cost?

The word “maturity” has been an almost constant for me as well. Anytime I seek to explain the transformation I recently went through – my own personal “event” –  the word “mature” comes to mind as a descriptor. My guidance doesn’t tell me this….I KNOW it. Yet what does it even mean? That I was a baby and now I’m “all grown up?”

The symbolism was present prior to the “event” – a bird being kicked out of the nest, forced to use it’s wings to fly; the butterfly emerging from the cocoon, wings still wet and unable yet to fly, patiently waiting for the right moment to take flight. These symbols stating unequivocally that at some point I would have to fly and no one was going to help me – no one could.  I have within me the means, the instinct (intuition) to fly, I just need to Remember it.

For days now I have awakened to a song. Only recently did I take the time to really inspect the lyrics to find out what it was telling me.

At first I thought the song was describing a relationship dilemma. Then, I thought perhaps it was about my Higher Self asking me to not ignore my relationship with mySelf. But now, I realize the message is much more than that. It goes beyond me, myself and I. It asks me to embrace the greater connection, the connection with ALL that IS; thus embracing my connection as being One with humanity, with the collective, with everyone and everything.

Only this morning did I contact the fear that is linked to my resistance. The fear is that I will be devoured by the connection to Source, to cease to exist as Me somehow. Ego is still there, clinging to the last remnants of what makes me, me. Separation, individuality, is familiar and comfortable. Safe.

There is also the fear of what it means to embrace the feeling. It is ginormous. It is compelling in its magnitude. To accept it means I no longer live in a bubble, inside my little me world, ignoring the We world.

My dreams also indicate that I am listening. The hesitation will not be long-lasting. I know what awaits me. I’ve been there. Jumped in head first. I only hesitate because I am aware of my very human tendencies that seek pleasure over pain. My fear stems from worry that I will fall prey to those tendencies again and be unable to control myself. My past experiences say, “Don’t go there. Remember what happened?”

My heart says this will be different. How? I’m unsure but I touched on the difference for only a moment this morning before my human alarms went off, pulling me out of the dreamstate in a panicked frenzy of, “Oh no you don’t!” lol The Kundalini stirring in ways unfamiliar yet familiar at the same time. But the peace, the utter bliss of connection very obvious. The message clear, “Trust. Love. Acceptance. Warmth” and most of all “Peace.”

How I can go from full acceptance to resistance almost over night is beyond me but I know it is purposeful. I need to observe this part of myself right now. I need to see the remaining resistance so that I can Love and accept it, pull it close and hug it away. But most of all, I need to accept that this Universal Love is real and goes beyond just one connection or two. It is ALL connection and we don’t just reserve it for a special few. Until I can embrace this reality, I cannot fulfill my mission. Humanity is shifting and I must shift with it. One day we will all feel connected to each other like I am now feeling connected to a mere few.

To give you an idea of what I mean, I will share a vision I received a couple of weeks ago. I was considering my past “addiction” to cigarettes and realized it was not the nicotine that kept me smoking but the consideration that in some messed up way smoking equated to feeling a connection to others; a belonging that I didn’t feel otherwise. Because when I smoked it was in social situations, when I felt accepted and part of a group even if only for a moment.

I was able to see also how all those who smoked with me felt like me. Separate. Alone. Seeking but unable to find. How similar we all are, I thought.

Then I was shown how this looked from a Higher perspective. I saw millions of pupa-looking cocoons each representing humans. Each pupa was surrounded in a shell separating them from the others. They were right next to each other but never could sense the other because their protective shells kept them apart.

Then a “wave” came over them and their shells burst open at the tops. Suddenly, everyone of them could sense the other. Their separation ended. Each could feel and sense the other as if they were them. They became as One but also separate. This, I was told, is what is happening to humanity. It is beyond telepathy. It is Oneness.

It’s the start of us, waking up, come on
Are you ready? I’ll be ready
I don’t want control, I want to let go
Are you ready? I’ll be ready
Cause now it’s time to let them know
We are ready

 

 

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Kundalini Dream – On to the Fourth Clearing

Had trouble falling asleep last night. I was wide awake and had activity in my heart and crown chakras. I opted to meditate as a solution but it didn’t help. Instead I got more intense energy swirling and my mind was really active.

My guidance came through at one point and informed me that I had a surprise coming soon. I replied, “Okay. I would love to meet God in an OBE….or have another blissgasm.” I heard in response, “Soon.” I thought back to them, “Soon? Your soon? That could be a year or more from now.” They replied, “No, yours.” I thought, “If it’s my soon then it would be tonight.” I felt a time period of three days from that point and accepted it.

Soon after I drifted off to sleep.

Kundalini Dream: History Class

The dream began inside a typical high school or college classroom environment. The color of everything had a golden hue to it. I was sitting in a desk in the first row probably three or four seats from the front. A male teacher with brown hair was up in front of the class. He looked to be in his mid-twenties to early thirties and was quite “normal” in appearance. My dream memory of him reminds me of a Ken doll – very clean cut and nicely dressed.

The teacher instructed the class to get out our textbooks and go to page 240. A female student sitting to my right looked over at me and gave me a look that said, “What are you doing? Do what the teacher says.” I ignored her and made no move to get my textbook which was sitting on the left side of my deck. It seemed like I was the “bad” student, which is the opposite of how I was in school growing up.

When he noticed I was not following instructions he called me out, asking me if I understood his instructions. I said, “Yes, I did.” He said, “If you don’t complete the assignment you will receive a zero.” I said, “I don’t care. I’ve already taken this class.”

There was again a look from the student to my right. She had dark hair and mocha colored skin and seemed very concerned for me. Something about her changed my mind and I exhaled as if saying, “Oh alright. Fine. I’ll comply just for my own amusement.”

The teacher began to talk about the chapter we were in. It felt like the first chapter of the textbook despite being on page 240. I don’t remember looking at the textbook but listening to the teacher. His words slowly shifted into visuals in my mind as he spoke. His questions to me eventually morphing into my own voice as if I was talking to myself.

I could see a giant landmass and was asked to identify it. I responded, “Pangaea.” We discussed the biological organisms that occupied Pangaea. He asked me, “What did they consume?” I gave him the name of some algae but I don’t recall it now. I only remember seeing them as if under a microscope.

There is just memory of being fascinated with the subject, the ecosystem and organisms. It seemed like I was learning a history unknown to man and so my full attention was on every detail. Sadly, my memory of these details is gone now.

Then I was talking to the girl next to me about lunch. I asked her what the lunch was like. Did they have enough food or would I be hungry when lunch was over? I specifically asked if the cafeteria served food on trays or if we could go from station to station and fill up our trays as many times as we liked. She confirmed that it was the latter and this satisfied me. I felt like the school wasn’t so bad.

We must have been released for lunch because I was in the cafeteria walking alongside the girl student. I don’t remember eating, though. Instead I ran into a guy I knew and followed him to a find a private place to talk. He and I were long-time friends and lovers and our intention was to sneak off someplace and fool around. lol

I can’t recall what he looked like now but I remember that when we met up we immediately embraced and kissed. The weird thing is that when we kissed he seemed to put his finger in my anus. lol When he did this the energy in my root chakra began to build up and my throat chakra lit up as well.

Surprised I pulled back and asked him, “Why did you do that?” He said, “I like it.” It felt like he wanted my permission to continue to do it. I said, “Oh okay. If you want.” lol

Then we were in my house (my Soul/Self) and I was undressing in the bathroom (purification and self-renewal). The door was open and I could see into the bedroom (intimate part of Self). The house felt to be mine specifically, not my parent’s like one would assume considering I was just in a school environment. Again everything had a golden hue to it.

As I stripped off my clothing I remember my friend calling out to me from the bedroom. I yelled back that I needed to pee. I used the toilet quickly and looked down at my feet preparing to take off my socks (warmth and comfort). My socks went all the way up to my knees and were a mottled brown and made of a thick material, like wool, so very warm. I decided to keep my socks on and knew my friend would do the same. In fact, I had a “memory” of us together both wearing socks and nothing else. lol

When I went into the bedroom my memory of the dream goes dark. All I recall is the effects of our lovemaking – energy swirling and intensifying in different areas of my body. I felt something inserted where my anus would be on my physical body. At the same time it felt like something was inserted from the opposite side but not in the vagina as one would assume, but higher up where my pubic bone is. When the two met a very pleasant energy resulted and felt to roll and rumble in a big, swirling spherical mass of energy.

At the exact same moment something felt to be inserted in my throat region only it was not down through my mouth as it was the last time I had this kind of “work” done. The trigger seemed to come from within. If I had to say where it originated from I would say my spine, up near where my neck meets my head.

These two areas swirled so intensely that it began to wake me up but not before I noticed other chakras activating, specifically the heart, crown and solar plexus.

I shifted in and out of the in-between, the energy continuing to swirl and expand. I was too aware, however, and ultimately had to shift position. Usually shifting position stops the energy, but this time it continued on for a bit after.

kundalini (2)

Music Message 

My “friend” from the dream was with me when I awoke meaning this particular guide was also my dream “lover”. I connected the message prior to sleep to the activity of the Kundalini and thought, “This must be my surprise.” I suspect that the “three days” is also relevant but may only be related to the full moon and eclipse on the 31st.

It was 5am and I was still tired and so rolled over to attempt sleep. But my mind was on the dream and on something I had considered last night. I’ve been waking early quite a bit, usually between 4:30-5:30am. Afterward I cannot return to sleep but linger in the in-between until I finally wake. I thought it may be a good idea to take advantage of that time by inserting a spiritual practice of some sort like meditation. So, that is what I did only my left nostril was completely clogged and really irritating me. Have you ever tried to meditate with some physical ailment like half your nose clogged? Nearly impossible!

So the meditation part went out the window. My left nostril has been clogged from the beginning of this cold but lately it is only when I am laying down. So irritating!!!

I lingered in bed and somehow drifted into the in-between long enough to recall a conversation.

My guide and I were discussing the Kundalini process, specifically the clearing of the heart chakra. I was told the 4th clearing was on its way. There are 5 total I think, so this is good news (I hope). The history of this clearing was also discussed. I remember saying to my guide, “2013-2015” and knowing it was a preparation period leading up to the first heart opening. I don’t recall specifically when my heart first “opened” but I recall that after the birth of my youngest in 2014 that the Kundalini began to rev up. It seems the trigger for my heart opening was getting pregnant in 2013. Prior to that I had a trigger in 2002-2003 – divorce. Then the heart connection was the trigger at the end of 2015. So that’s three “triggers” and three heart openings. I wonder if I will need a trigger for this one?

In recognizing just how very long the Kundalini process had been going on, I became a bit discouraged. I said, “It’s taking forever.” My guidance replied, “You will complete in this lifetime.” My response to this was, “Then I will die, right?” lol I saw myself as being a very old woman so death would be the logical next step. My guidance remained silent. So I said, “What is the point then?” – meaning why do all this work and then just die when it concludes?!

It seemed like things could move faster, in fact I knew they could. All I needed was a catalyst. I wondered about it, then. Previously I was told two are better than one, meaning that two working together toward similar goals allow for acceleration of the process. Working as a team the two propel one another forward. Working alone takes longer.

Not longer after these thoughts a song came to mind – “I walk alone…..”:

So guessing that I am out of luck. No physical connection with another human walking a similar path is coming along to propel me forward this time. Sigh. That trigger was so much more fun/interesting/exciting than divorce or pregnancy.

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Divine Experience & Dream: Prescription

I had an interesting experience last night prior to sleep. As I settled down to sleep, rolling over onto my side, I briefly checked in with my guidance because the day had been a stressful one. Not only had I awakened with a dream suggesting I might have a TIA (stroke/blot clot) this year but everyone in my house was on edge all evening. My daughter was all over the place emotionally, my youngest was crying and whining and my husband was overly critical and negative. At one point I had to separate everyone, even the dog, just to get some peace for a few minutes. There was definitely some kind of energy disruption on-going! I, personally, was not my best because I had not eaten enough and anytime I do that I am super cranky.

I didn’t check-in with my guidance for any other purpose than to see if there was anything they wanted to pass onto me before bed. When I “check-in” I literally just send my attention out to my guidance, like feelers. There are no words, just attention or maybe “receptivity” is a better word. It’s like me saying, “Ready to receive”.

There was an immediate response but it was not an expected one. Because the response was without words it is hard to convey in words, but I will try. It seemed like I was instructed to do something because I felt myself comply to a request. The best I can do is to say that I was asked to, “Look” or put my attention somewhere, but that somewhere was not a destination or location. What I remember most is the sense of Knowing that I should “breathe in” and when I did I swear something came into me, like a whoosh….flood….inflow. I was filled with the most beautiful feeling. It was like my entire Being was FULL, complete…..Whole.

I kept breathing this Beingness into me and with every breath I felt more complete, more full of….Love? Divinity? Serenity? I don’t know what to call it but it was blessed, amazing, pure wonder and awe at Creation.

It was as if I could feel every molecule in the air, every living, breathing part of the air. And it wasn’t just the air that I could taste/sense/feel! I could feel everything in the room – the furniture, the house, the bed…all the contents of the space I was in. It was all a part of me and with every breath in I felt more alive because of it.

You can imagine my smile. I think I took bigger breaths than I have ever taken.

If I had to give what I was breathing in a name I would say it was prana. That was what came to mind then anyway and it still feels to be the most accurate description of the experience.

The trippy part of it all is that I was not in the in-between, not asleep. I was fully conscious and in this human body!

I could sense my guide all around me. It was like I was breathing him in, too. The message from him was that he was part of me. We are one and the same. I have heard that a million times before it seems but never, ever have I actually felt it, understood it like I did in that moment.

Sadly, it didn’t last and eventually I returned to feeling “normal”.

In my attempt to understand what had just happened I was flooded with memory. Memory of all the times in dreams and OBEs when I felt the Divine love and friendship feeling wash over me. It occurred to me that I had just experienced a version of that same feeling, the physical…..human version. And that it would not be the last time I would feel it. I Knew this was just the beginning.

It IS possible to feel the Divine – the Oneness of all Creation – from within this human vessel, conscious and aware of this physical body/reality. It is like two worlds merged within me. OMG it was/is so beautiful.

The cool thing is that I can exist all the time with that feeling, that Knowing, without any issue. I know I can. Previous to this experience I thought it impossible. Ha! So not true!

When I asked why the experience ended I was reminded that belief was the answer. Belief in that if I believed it was possible, then it would be. If I believed it was not possible, or if I doubted my experience in any way, then it the results would be altered to that belief. Interesting!

Dream: Prescription

I slept deeply and with very little memory of my dreams and astral travels. The main dream I recall took place in a doctor’s office. I remember sitting in the waiting room thinking, “I am just 41. I’m too young for this!” “This” was in reference to a pill (looking for answers) that was being created just for me. It was designed to treat my ailment, which was never revealed in the dream. I remember sitting with a woman who was creating a special formula for me. I saw percentages written on paper alongside the specific issues to be treated. This percentage for this issue and this percentage for another and so on and so forth. Unfortunately, I cannot recall the issues. When complete, the woman turned in the formula and out popped a red pill. One pill to treat all that ailed me.

As the pill was being dispensed a pharmacist or doctor interrupted and suggested that one part be removed. The part of the pill that was to treat indigestion (bothersome problem). He said I didn’t need any and he adjusted the percentage of the indigestion medicine to very low – like 1%. Then he removed it completely.

fish-in-aquarium-with-rocks

Dream: October 31

This dream was early this morning. I was in my bedroom preparing for the day. It was very early and my son’s birthday (which today is his birthday but symbolically it means self-acceptance). I remember being sluggish and lingering in bed because I didn’t want to wake up yet.

Eventually I got up and began to select the clothes (one’s persona) I would wear. I remember picking out some blue jeans (more relax position), jeans I once owned a long time ago. When I put them on I noticed I had on large, Duck Boots (one’s power in position and movement). I had to take them off and found another pair of boots underneath. When I removed that pair of boots there was yet another pair. I kept the final pair on. They made me at least 2 inches taller.

My mom was with me and she mentioned I also had on two shirts. I kept both on because it was cold outside. I knew the date was October 31st (Halloween symbolizes the temporary adoption of a new persona where one feels less inhibited and more comfortable to express themselves).

Then I remember being on the floor looking at a fish aquarium (acknowledged but unconfronted emotions) and noticing that I had an extra plant that would not fit. My BIL was with me and I told him I planned to get out our 20 gallon aquarium and move half the fish into it and the plant as well. I explained that our main aquarium was overcrowded and I pointed out the tiny fish inside.

There was discussion about the birthday party after that but it is hazy now. I remember knowing my son and daughter had missed the bus. My husband would have to take them into school but that was okay. In the meanwhile they were outside riding in the neighbor’s go Kart (there’s the go Kart again!). I looked out the window and smiled as I saw them driving it around. Usually I would be upset at my husband for making them late for school, but I didn’t care.

I was awakened by my son. I noticed the time – 6:47am. The bus comes at 6:55ish. I thought, “He going to be late.” Eventually I just got up and just in time, too. He almost did miss the bus! lol

 

 

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January 3 Dreams: House of Spiders

I couldn’t sleep last night. It was not because I wasn’t tired.

First, the events leading up to my inability to sleep.

My husband has a two week Christmas break that goes along with the schools in the area. Every year he uses the break to stay as busy as he can. This usually means he still takes business calls and does work from home. It also means he has one or more projects he is juggling. These projects are not work related. For example, this year he decided he would add onto the tree house he built in our back yard. The kids never use it but he thought it would be great to make another higher level. The level is so high that it scares me to climb up to it. It’s too high for little kids.

He’s finished the tree house two days ago. Yesterday he opted to get out his chainsaw and randomly cut down trees. This took him all day to do. His next plan is to build a retaining wall and fence. I don’t know how he will accomplish this when he has a camping trip planned today.

In the meantime he invited two boys to spend the night without telling me. I had been out doing errands and when I returned my house was in chaos and my husband was still outside cutting down trees. Normally it would not be an issue to have a sleepover going on but the entire break my husband has hardly been in the house. He doesn’t help watch the children or do anything to assist me. Yet he invites two additional children over while I’m out, doesn’t supervise them and had no intention of helping supervise them.

In additional to all of the above, my youngest got overtired and came to me at 6pm complaining of an earache. He fell asleep with some coddling only to be awakened by my daughter and her tantrum throwing. From around 7pm until 10pm he was inconsolable. My husband was in his office room working the entire evening. When I asked him for help with our youngest he told me, “Just let him cry.” The sleepover was in full swing by this time as well and my daughter was still crying over a lie she had been caught in.

I tried to juggle all of it but eventually lost my cool and left our youngest in the office on the bed. He was still crying but since it was in my husband’s work space he had to take time to console him or else go insane by the crying. For about an hour this worked and I got some peace but it didn’t last.

I heard our youngest crying and so went to investigate. I nearly got run over by the two boys who were sleeping over. Our middle son has passed out in bed and so the two were running all over the house screaming. They had completely trashed a bedroom in the process.  I found my husband asleep on the sofa next to a very upset, wailing in pain little boy. How he could sleep through the crying, I don’t know!

Within minutes I was able to calm our son and get him to sleep. My husband got up in a zombie-like state and went upstairs, oblivious to me and our son.

By the time I was able to get to bed I was exhausted. Yet when I tried to sleep I would be bombarded with strange images of enormous toys and other imaginary things. The feeling I had was of being super hyper. No matter how I tried I could not get the energy to dissipate and the images continued to plague me. One time I was nearing sleep when a giant toy threw an object at me in my near-dreamstate. I swear I felt it when it hit me in the face!

After a couple of hours of unsettling images of giant toys and strange energy I pleaded with my guides to help me. I realized soon after that I was somehow picking up on the boys and their dreams/thoughts/energy. I was advised to protect and ground my energy. I tried this but kept being pulled into their dream imagery. Eventually, though, I was able to stave off the worst of it and began to settle down.

It was 2am before the images and energy stopped. I still felt uneasy, though. I decided to lay on my back and just rest/mediate for a while. My guide was helping me the entire time. What I recall next is speaking in a foreign language that I thought of as “Native American” though I cannot say that was the language for sure. In front of me I could see a golden tablet filled with symbols/letters of an unknown language. My guide was speaking the language with me. I have no idea what we were saying but I remember knowing what I was saying was special and helpful. I also felt my guide and I were not alone. There was a circle of others surrounding us.

Image result for image of 0s and 1s

Eventually I became super aware of what was going on and felt the familiar heavy blanket of energy indicative of the trance state. It did not come on gradually either. It was instantaneous to the point that it startled me. Along with the strange energy came hypnagogia – millions of 1’s and 0’s in random order. As I looked into the images I saw pictures take form. All of it was typical of deep trance. I knew I was one step away from being able to exit my body consciously. However, I could not get my mind to settle. The energy, images and overall sensation was too alerting to my conscious mind.

I emerged from the trance state and re-entered it more times than I could count after that. I know I was receptive to messages at this time but all I remember now is Knowing/saying to someone that I could not bring the memories back with me. It was like I was purposefully being kept just on the verge of sleep most of the night. There was a strong sense of connecting with the minds of others in my house. It was unsettling and uncomfortable to me to the point of scaring me several times. I felt unable to control this odd telepathy. I felt too wide open, too receptive. There was also the familiar sensation of the energy mask across my face the whole time. My entire head was ablaze with energy and it was not welcome. I wanted it all to STOP.

Dream: House of Spiders

At some point this morning I was allowed to enter into some dreams. The main dream I recall is of visiting a house that had a massive spider infestation (feeling trapped in a situation or relationship). Most of the spiders stayed hidden in the attic (hidden/repressed). However, as the dream progressed the spider problem became greater to the point that they were coming out in plain sight (made to see the issue).

There was a story playing out with the spider house. In it I was visiting a couple and the husband seemed to have an interest in me. It made me uncomfortable, especially when he became more open about his intentions. I remember he took me in a car to his place of work. I was watching his infant son (innocence, warmth, vulnerability) and keeping an eye on things. The whole time there was a feeling of wrongness but now all I can recall is the spiders. They were everywhere.

Eventually there was discussion about fogging the house to rid it of the spiders. The spider infestation was spreading and had to be stopped. When this information was presented I remember feeling guilty for my interactions with the husband even though I had done nothing wrong.

Dream: Closed Christmas Toy Factory

In this dream I arrived at a factory (repetitious thinking and old ways of doing things) with a little girl and her mother. The factory was solid gray (depression, fear, confusion) with no windows. It looked very bleak. As we walked inside we saw signs that it was closed for the rest of the year. It was like a Santa’s workshop attraction and was open only during the Christmas (associated with family) holiday season.

Despite it being closed we walked up a long, solid gray ramp (struggles toward goal) and into an area with a couple of tables. The little girl sat down at one of the tables. She had with her a doll she had brought along. She put to doll under her chair. The mother approached and asked the girl where he doll was. The girl pointed to it and the mother picked it up. The doll came to life (need to escape current problems/responsibilities) and was moving like a real person. She was a miniature human, perfect in every way.

Afterward

When I woke it was 6:30am and despite not getting much sleep I was wide awake again. My thoughts were on my life, things that were bothering me and that I needed to get done. My third-eye was active and I was hearing a song in my mind – Fire and the Flood by Vance Joy. Over and over I heard: Anywhere I go there you are. It didn’t make sense to hear that song again.

I had a familiar feeling, one I haven’t had in a long time. It wasn’t overly strong but it was noticeable. I felt a need to get out. I recalled a day last week, one I didn’t write about for an inability to express what I was feeling. It relates to the Kundalini and how it has changed me. I sought help in a FB group because I needed to know what my future might hold. The answers I got were not helpful or promising and I ended up in tears from the frustration and inability to cope. My guides interrupted my tears and said, “Your life is not in balance.” What they said felt right but still I had/have no idea how to bring it into balance.

Upon waking my mind felt like a jumble of too many problems or things that are wrong. There is a part of me that feels I am being trodden upon by my life and should stand up for myself. She is demanding I take action. There is another part that feels unable to do anything about anything. The apathy is killer and I am suffocated by it every time. I feel weak, destroyed, beaten down by life. I keep hoping someone or something will come in and save me from it. No one comes. Nothing changes.

In considering my dreams and how they may be giving me an idea of what to expect in March this year, I am not feeling too optimistic.

 

 

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Kundalini Dream and Message from my Higher Self

I continue to experience energetic shifts here and there and my dream recall has been phenomenal. My guides are making themselves known toward the evening hours, throughout my dreams and during the in-between state. Currently I have at least two guides entering my energy field – one male and the other female. I do not have names and don’t care to know. They tend to not care either but sometimes they will give me a name. Until one does they will just be “guides” and part of my “Team”.

Kundalini Dream

The Kundalini is stirring a bit as well. In a dream last night I was sitting alongside a plain looking man with light hair who was a bit pudgy. He reminded me of my ex-husband in some ways. We were discussing fishing and planning a trip together. I was interested in him and he in me but when I attempted to get closer he withdrew and completely put up his guard.

He left and I sat alone until a woman approached. She was tall and thin with dark hair and eyes. She introduced herself as the man’s wife and I immediately understood why he withdrew and said, “Ah! I get it now! If I were in his shoes I would have turned and walked away from me immediately upon recognizing the intensity of our connection.” Someone warned me of the man’s wife, though, saying, “Be careful of that one.” They explained that the two were married only because they felt they had to be, not because they were in love and the woman was very manipulative. I wasn’t concerned, though, and began to talk with her very openly about various subjects. We got along beautifully.

One thing I noticed was she did not shave her legs. I asked her a question about it and we began to compare our unshaved legs. lol Somehow our closeness shifted into curiosity, her being obviously more experienced with women than I. Eventually I followed her into a bedroom and closed the door, only I found myself standing on the outside of the door rather than inside.

As I waited my root chakra activated and exploded with such intensity that it woke me up. When I woke the energy was still swirling and rising upward. What is odd is the way it made my physical body feel. It was like every nerve ending in my skin was super sensitive. No one was physically touching me, yet it felt like I was being touched and every touch caused an explosion of ecstasy that then radiated across my entire body. I have never taken the drug known as Ecstasy but I imagine that it would make me feel the way the Kundalini was making me feel in those moments. Wow.

Message from my Higher Self

My suddenly sensitive skin was awesome and I lingered in a relaxed state enjoying the feeling of it. During this time my male guide was talking to me. I can’t recall the specifics or our conversation now but I do remember Knowing that he was part of Me and associating him with my Higher Self. In my memory is an image of me going “up” and into him but he was very large, taking up the entirety of my visual field. Part of the message was that I was to rejoin him soon and when I did I would be “changed”. Again it was the “there’s no turning back” message. I remember him asking if I was ready and I eagerly said that I was. Of course I was feeling very good at the time so I was ready for more! lol However, he warned me that with pleasure comes pain. One does not exist without the other. He explained that they are and have always been the same feeling. There is no difference. I understood with full Knowing what he said because from his perspective the sensation of pain and pleasure are one and the same. From mine they are separate. He used the example of orgasm to try and explain the pain/pleasure phenomena but I became more aware of what was being said and my human mind muddled my understanding.

Though most of what was said is lost to me now I do recall asking my guide to keep me from waking up when the Kundalini begins to rise. I feel like my waking up interrupts the movement of energy and has kept me from a full-on rise. He explained that I will eventually be capable of ignoring the pleasurable sensation. I could not see how that was possible but then understood that it was likely I would become desensitized to it if I experience it enough. In fact, I have already lost my craving for it, which is a good sign.

Other Dreams

When I returned to sleep I found myself in various dreams, some more lucid than others. In one of my semi-lucid dreams I was invisible (withdrawing from life) to the people around me. I took full advantage of this and played pranks on them over and over again. For example, I moved objects or made noises to get their attention, but since they couldn’t see me they would get a bit paranoid. lol It was a fun dream and reminds me of some of my early OBEs when I would be invisible and sneak about spying on different people.

In yet another dream I was at an amusement park (relaxation, enjoyment of life) but it was vast, spreading over acres and acres of land interconnected by vast highways (life direction) with multiple lanes all flowing in the same direction. I flew/drove swiftly on the highway along with so many other people that it more crowded than I would like. Everything was good until I got to a portion of the path where the people on the “ride” had to swim in the cold Pacific ocean (subconscious, emotion). I could see the seaweed (rely on intuition and instinct) as I got close to the water. I hesitated because I knew getting into the water would mean my phone (communication) would get wet and likely be unusable. I watched the person in front of me jump in clothes and all and was shocked that it was a part of the “ride”. When did the park turn into a water park? I said aloud, “I can’t go into the water like that. I won’t. It will ruin my new Iphone.” A man in the water turned back and looked at me and said, “No it won’t. You won’t be in the water long enough to break it and it will work when it dries out. Mine did.” I didn’t believe him and turned back. I was not going to risk it and didn’t want to get in the cold water anyway.

When I turned around so did some others and eventually I found myself at a standstill because there were so many people in the line (need patience). People were getting refunds and I saw their names appear on a screen as their cards were reimbursed. I was still third in line when the ticket agent said my husband’s name. I questioned him saying, “Did you just say _______?” He said, “Yeah. I have the check right here.” I looked and sure enough there was a check (feeling indebted to my husband) signed with my husband’s name.

Strange Message

I woke fairly early and lingered in bed a while falling in and out of the in-between. At one point I was awakened by a strange message and vision. I saw what looked like an oval plane of indeterminable material. It was moving as if alive across my visual field. With it I heard, “Kawanda Plate. 35 million parasitic Beings.” The strangeness of the message prompted me to get up and write it down. Then I could not go back to sleep.

There is a place called Kawanda in Uganda. I could not find anything about a “Plate” or 35 million parasites much less them being “Beings”. I suspect it is just some strange information I brought back with me from an astral world or other dimension. Who knows but it is odd.

 

 

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Remember Me

 

Again I had another post partially written – twice – and it never felt right to post. It felt empty, pointless, directionless….just like me right now.

This morning I had several lucid dreams and attempted to shift OOB with no success. I suspect I was already OOB which is why the exits were unsuccessful.

Prior to this, I had awakened at around 7am and heard someone say to me, “You know you’ve been OOB?” I dismissed it as a dream conversation fragment, got up, took my wonderful antibiotic (have to take on empty stomach 30 minutes before a meal) and went back to sleep even though I had just intended to meditate.

Image result for image of citrine in shape of arrow head

OBEs/Lucid Travels

My travels took me to several places. The first was my grandparent’s living room where I was with my sister and BIL. I can’t recall why I was there but we were talking about building a chicken (cowardliness) coop that would be shared by us and the neighbors. I had memories that were not associated with this lifetime but with some other life or place. For example, my grandparent’s house was not located where it is in this life, but was in a subdivision. I believe what I was remembering were my astral memories, but I can’t be sure.

Then I shifted into a crystal shop. I was standing in front of a dark haired woman who I recalled was a friend. In fact, I again had memories not at all related to this lifetime. In front of me were laid out many various crystal fragments. I knew I was selecting one for a friend and picked up a large, arrowhead shaped piece of Citrine. The woman told me it was a good one and I kept it, intending to make a necklace with it. She asked me for advice. “Where should I move to?” I told her, “I think Montana.” She said, “Ah yes, I have been there. It is beautiful!” I said, “Yes, I use to live there, but…..I think it would not be ideal for your business. Perhaps Seattle would be better?” I then wandered over to a window and selected a black cord for the necklace I was making for my friend. I put the Citrine on it as I began to mull over memories of my friend.

My physical self heard sounds coming from my bedroom at this time. I knew they were sounds off and so ignored them but it brought me back to my sleeping body temporarily. I could feel my energy shift. It is like I settled down into my body but the two energies never completely merged. It was jumpy and sporadic but enough for me to register that I could go OOB. When I tried, though, the energy would not allow it and I must have drifted off again.

I soon found myself in my grandparent’s house again, this time in the kitchen. Standing in front of me was my friend. I could see him clear as day. He was telling me something rather random and smiling, very at ease. I stared at him for a bit, shocked that he was standing there right in front of me. I had in my hand the Citrine necklace I made for him. I handed it to him, telling him, “I made this for you. I remembered how much you liked it (Citrine).” I remember thinking that Citrine brought abundance and I wanted that for him. He was pleased and smiled as he took it from me.

I asked him some questions about his life – Was he still living where he was before? Was he happy? Was he still doing what he was when we last spoke? He answered, confirming most of what I already knew.

The more we talked the more lucid I became. My physical/human consciousness was questioning the reality. Why are we in my grandparent’s kitchen? Is this really my friend? No way, why would he be in my grandparent’s kitchen? This has to be a dream!

The last thing I remember was telling my friend, “I miss you.” I felt very down when I said it. I don’t remember his response now but he was understanding, happy-go-lucky, and reassuring.

Eventually my questions pulled me out of the scene and again I felt my physical body and my physical senses began to take over. It was odd but something I have experienced before. My senses shift from astral to physical but not all at once. For example, my hearing will be like someone turns on the volume and then it turns it down again suddenly and repetitively. The same thing goes for my vision – astral to physical (which is dark). The vibrations are the same, on again, off again. So odd!

I shifted yet again and found myself outside my mom’s house this time. I think I may have been a little kid because my vision was at a lower height than is my norm. I was talking to someone about a special school that only Kindergarten aged kids could go to. My middle son was mentioned and I remember hearing he couldn’t go but my youngest could. My vision was very clear at this time and my physical self recognized I was OOB. We were walking through thick, brown leaves. There were so many that as I walked they came to my knees (remember that I am child-sized though) and I could hear them crunching under foot. I saw ahead of me my mom’s yard and my vision stabilized. The blue sky seemed to be huge in comparison to myself. Recognizing my chance, I attempted to jump into the air and take flight. I did this just as a child said to me, “Come on!” As I lifted up it felt like an energy pulled me down and the message was, “No.”

I returned to my sleeping body and my senses adjusted as did my energy. It was quick this time and I opened my eyes.

As I laid there my first memory was of meeting my friend. It was so real and I wondered if he was just a dream construct or if he had actually been there. As if in answer, the lyrics of a song popped into my head – I will be with you again….I will be with you again.

I heard the above a couple of days ago while driving. I had been in a strange mood, zoned out and feeling odd. This has been normal for me lately, especially when I drive. I had changed the radio station and caught the end of the song. The music lulled me almost into a trance and I remember smiling and enjoying it. It felt like someone was giving me a hug and I got a bit Homesick as I recalled certain memories. That is when I heard, “I will be with you again.” It seemed like a message then, too.

For some reason when I heard the song this morning I thought it was from The Cure. Ha! Not sure why I thought that but it could be a message, too. Who knows. It also felt like not only was I being told, “I will be with you again” but that I was also saying this to someone. Like a simultaneous message exchange. I do believe there was an astral meeting and that my other Self has a full set of memories entirely separate from my physical life memories.

Other Dreams

I’ve had lots of dreams these last few days, and Kundalini, too.

In one dream I was heading home and had to make a sharp turn that immediately went uphill. It was my exit and came much quicker than I anticipated. When I took the turn I had to stop suddenly because there were three cars in a row that had run head-on into the curve. They were so mangled that all I could see were the taillights and bumpers. Their anxious drivers stood with a police officer (assistance) and I was told I could not pass. So I shifted the other direction but it was also barred, this time by water (emotion). I ended up taking the long way around to get to my destination.

The dream continued to my destination which was a “camp” (need to belong but independent also) of sorts for teachers. The camp looked like suburbia and when I checked-in I was told join the rest of the group. I was given a uniform and told that we would all eventually start to smell badly over time (issue needs to be addressed) because we were not allowed to bathe. Every day we would have P.T. and I recall being told where the nearby hospital (healing) was located in case we needed assistance in the evening when the camp was closed. Thing was, the hospital was also a camp and run by the very same people. I remember realizing the teachers were also doctors/nurses as was I.

Kundalini

Yesterday morning I had a nice Kundalini dream in which I was in a van with my husband. We were in the back and the van was driving itself. We were on the highway and, knowing we would be occupied for a while, I worried we would end up driving too far. I suggested we take the van to the lake and park but before I could go up front to take over driving the Kundalini raged and woke me up. I lingered in the bliss for some time after waking. It seems that now whenever my root activates all my upper chakras “sing” in the most wonderfully pleasant way. It is spectacular and I really, really hate that it always wakes me up! Grrrr!

I had actually asked for some kind of Kundalini experience that night before bed. There are two distinct types I experience now – the very sexual/bliss kind and the bliss/friendship/love/safety/Oneness kind. Both are wonderful in their own way and both teach me a great deal about myself and the world/this experience. “Bliss” is a part of both but there seems to be different types of bliss as well as various “new” feelings associated with the Kundalini. Since the human experience does not have words for these feelings I am always at a loss as to how to describe them.

Another Music Message

Yesterday morning, as I slowly woke from my dreams, a message came through very quietly. It repeated and grew louder and louder, eventually bringing forth a song as if to make sure I paid attention. The song was this one:

The part of the song that was repeating was, “Don’t you, forget about me.” The message that had been repeating and growing louder became obvious when the song was acknowledged. It was: Remember me.

A bit shocked and curious, I focused on the source of the message and felt a familiar energy, one I had not felt in a while. The more I focused the clearer the energy became and a visual formed in my mind.

My response was to enter into a conversation with this individual because I understood all at once the message and was tired of resisting.

It was a check-in. I knew the message “Remember me” was both a message to remember mySelf as well as a message to remember what had brought me to where I am now. To push away, ignore or deny all that made me who I am today was not helping me. I needed to remember it. All of it.

Of course I had to justify my reasons. It is painful, it makes living here on this planet that much more difficult, it triggers all kinds of beliefs/expectations/desires that I do not wish to reconcile for the enormity of their impact on me as a Human Being. It is easier to deny in myself all that relates to connection. To deny myself the positives in order to avoid the negatives makes complete sense.

But it was clear from my dream and all the dreams preceding it that the path of avoidance will get me nowhere. The path will be blocked and so will all of the others until I take the correct path.

The message was, “Remember it is my path, too. You cannot force from yourself that which is part of you. I will always be there. In your heart. In your mind. I am part of you as you are part of me.” I softened a great deal when I heard this. It was like all my walls came down all at once.

Still Recovering

Similarly, last night prior to bed I was asking all sorts of questions – “Why” this and “Why” that. My main thoughts centered on the experiences I’ve had – the Kundalini being number 1. Why did I make it so that I Remembered so much in this lifetime? What is the point of Remembering if I can’t do anything with it! How am I going to continue in this life now? With every single Kundalini experience I glimpse more of that which I Forgot. And with every regained memory of Self this human experience feels more and more alien to me.

Throughout I was receiving reminders of what I already Knew, things I Remembered on the path to where I am now. Things I have written in this blog…..like my Starseed origins, my connection to what appear to be E.T.’s, my memories of my purpose here, past life memories, heart connections/soul family, and the glimpses into my own and Earth’s future. I pushed all of it out of my mind, though, because it does me no good to believe such things. It only serves to make me feel that much more alone, that much more separate from everyone else.

It felt like I would be in this in-between/void forever when I “looked” into my own future. Time stretched out forever in front of me like a road never-ending. I saw my children mostly grown up. I saw myself old and gray. I couldn’t/can’t help but be impatient. I want to get to “the end” already. But mostly I just want something to look forward to. After experiencing what I have thus far to think of the rest of my life being like it was before – it’s unbearable. I have no way of consolidating the before and the after and that’s what I need to do or else risk major repercussions (mental break being one).

I was told, “Give yourself a chance to recover.” With that I was reminded of the end of 2016 and the intensity of the pain/hurt/despair among other things. Healing cannot be rushed. Considering how long I have already been recovering I asked in frustration, “How long is it going to take?” The answer I received was, “As long as it takes.” UGH!

Sync

As if to remind me that my path here is to serve others, specifically my children, I was drawn to my youngest son’s eyes. In the sunlight I noticed things I hadn’t noticed before. So I took some photos. Aren’t his eyes just gorgeous?

 

 

I also noticed he has inherited his father’s heterochromia. If you look at the first photo you can see that the color amber/brown surrounds the pupil but the rest of the eye is blue. This is true of central heterochromia – two different shades of color. His dad has partial heterochromia – one of his blue eyes has a big, brown spot that takes up about 1/4 of the iris color.

Interestingly, the same day I was fascinated with my son’s heterochromia, I was watching the show Limitless and there was mention of heterochromia! HA! Chance? I think not.

After my amazement wore off over the sync I just experienced, I realized again what I had recently been reminded of. There is purpose to my being here beyond what I am able to/allowed to see. Much of that purpose is related to the new generations. I have three very special children who will need my Knowing, my Remembering, to help them in life. It may not be apparent to me now but it will be, eventually. Even in writing this I am reminded of the Delores Cannon books.

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Projection Repulsion

Note: This post starts out a bit on the negative side but I promise it gets lighter in the end.

It’s been an interesting last few days. I do not believe any of it is due to “cosmic forces”, “12-12 gateways”, astrological events or the such. Yet that is what I keep seeing on my FB, which btw I have been avoiding more and more for the lack of anything of substance. Fake news, conspiracy theories (to the extreme), and personal attacks/agendas on this topic/agency or that  (politics, net neutrality and anti-vaccination are big ones lately) – all of it gives me a sour taste in my mouth.

It seems like all people want to do is have an effect in any way they can. Humans are desperate and it is apparent all over the net. Every post screams, “Look at me! Look at me!”

In stark contrast here I am hiding and wanting the opposite. Don’t look at me. I’m ugly and feel uglier inside. I don’t want to hear what you have to say and I really don’t have anything to say to you.

That’s how I feel this morning anyway. Listening to people hurts right now. Please don’t whine to me about your problems, your upsets about the world, your sad family problems, your hurt, pain or whatever. Oh and I don’t care if you turn your back on me because I feel this way. I don’t need you or your sympathy, pity, or whatever anyway. Attached to it is this or that expectation and I prefer to have none of that. I scratch your back you scratch mine, right? I’ll scratch my own back, thank you.

Perhaps it is the holiday season but right now the projections coming from people are in stark contrast to the real person underneath, probably more now than ever. I can’t bear to hear the pleasantries, get another half-assed, pretend hug, or witness anymore pretense. I will literally throw up on the next person who tries to fake me out. And every adult does it….unless they are old/senile or considered mentally ill. Family isn’t so bad, thankfully. And children, they are golden. Thank God for my babies is all I can say right now.

I also woke up feeling absolutely and utterly alone. Again. The empty feeling was ten times as strong as it normally is. The people in my dreams all wanted something from me. There was no giving of love without expectation. They assumed so much automatically and it felt like a huge, invisible wall was between myself and everyone I met.

When I woke I was in grief and missing the feeling/experience/ISness of my true Divine nature – that feeling of love/friendship, of complete connection. Oh I never have the right words to describe it but there are those reading this who know what I am talking about. The total LACK of it in this world hit me like a ton of bricks and I could not bear to exist in this void any longer. It was completely clear to me why I feel so alone, so disconnected, so empty in  this life. It’s because I AM disconnected here.

I was/am at a loss and it doesn’t help that I am acutely aware of what I mentioned earlier in this post. Right now most everyone and everything reminds me of what I am NOT.

Similarly, my physical issues continue to plague. My body is on strike I think. The antibiotics I’ve been on stopped working or something and now I am on a different regimen because my skin is not healing as it should. Everything starts to seem to improve only to regress back to no progress. I’ve had scabs in some places for over three weeks! WTF!?

The BC seems to be backfiring, too. I am hungry all.the.time, have gained weight and have painful breasts. I am tired, too, tired like I was when I was pregnant. I get so hungry sometimes that I feel sick to my stomach and certain foods do not agree with me. For example, carbonated anything will make me get icky stomach and I suddenly cannot stomach whey protein which I have been taking for years now without issue! So far the BC does not seem to have any affect on my skin which is the whole point of taking it.

It’s not worth it. All of this mess so that my face is clear and then no one really “sees” me anyway! How lame. Looks like my own projections are biting me in the ass right now. Ha! Yeah the jokes on me as usual.

Dreams and Kundalini

Oh and then there are the dreams…..geez where do I start? The most memorable was a Kundalini dream a few days ago. Wow, it was a doozy. Not that the Kundalini was raging like it has. No, it was very subtle compared to other K-risings I’ve had. However, this one made a very obvious point I could not ignore. In the dream I was in a classroom and my teacher/lover/friend was with me. The whole dream consisted of my “other half” trying to persuade me to be with him and me being wholly and completely repulsed by him. I was adamantly against him to the point of nastiness. However, at the exact same time I was extremely attracted to him in a very powerful way and I acknowledged it. The main feeling throughout the dream and upon waking was the simultaneous powerful attraction and repulsion. It was fascinating to me that I could feel both things at the same time! The message I brought back with me was that I had grown so use to rejecting life that I had gotten to the point of rejecting everything and everyone which in turn left me with little to no enjoyment/happiness. It was quite an eye-opener.

Then there was the dream of sweeping a floor covered in cockroach (undesired aspects of Self/life) body pieces. Ick! Afterward I scrubbed the floor with a white cleanser that left a residue that repelled cockroaches. Weird.

And this morning in a dream I visited my partner’s apartment (emotional state) only to find that he was gone and likely not coming back anytime soon (abandoning emotion). The fridge (emotionally cold) had been left open and unplugged and there were other clues that he had gone away for a long while. Thing is, he left his cat (sexuality, femininity) with no one to look after it and it was emaciated and near death. I remember saying he likely went to South America (trying to conquer life’s obstacles) and fully intended to wait for him to return. While I waited the entire apartment complex came to keep me company and I was surrounded by strangers the rest of the dream, all of them working to help me settling in and become a part of their little community. I remember seeing faces that reminded me of the cast of “Friends”.

Conclusion

I’m sorry if the first half of this post rubbed you the wrong way. If you got this far, kudos to you. It is obvious to me now that I have made it this far in this post that I am doing some major inner work which is manifesting in both physical and emotional ways. If you were to be physically present with me you would find my Sagittarius bluntness rampant and maybe a bit refreshing. Or you may want to run the other way. In all honesty I would think you a coward if you ran away but would not hold it against you. If you fought back, though, and gave me a piece of your mind, I would totally respect you and we would likely end up laughing over egg nog spiked with rum. 😉

Sometimes a good fight is all a person needs. lol I need some boxing gloves right now I think.

I feel ten times lighter, though, and my thoughts are tending toward the silly at the moment. For example (for a laugh), the new antibiotics I am on – ampicillin – have a very odd possible side-effect I want to share. Apparently you should call your doctor if you get a “black, hairy tongue.” LOL OMG it still makes me laugh and I thought it so funny when I initially read it that I called my husband and interrupted him at work just to tell him. HA! So far, no hair on my tongue but I will keep you posted.

Finally, through all the up’s and down’s of the last five days or so, I have taken time to appreciate the finer things in life (like funny side-effects). Here is a picture of the sunrise the other morning. May it bring you joy like it did me.

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