Tag Archives: spirituality

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Progress

Recently I stated that I had not made much progress in the last couple of years and that my blog was losing followers because of it. Well, when I woke this morning I knew that this was not true. It was as if I had been discussing it in my dreams and then woke up Knowing I had sold myself short by making that statement as it is most obviously NOT true.

This isn’t the first time this week that I’ve awakened having made a decision or with clarity on a situation/idea/consideration. Seems to be the current theme for me: Go to sleep, wake up with certainty. lol

Progress

The progress I’ve made in the last few years has been great compared to other years. Progress here is in consciousness expansion mostly. This morning I woke up recognizing that my recent telepathic connections with others both in Spirit and on the physical plane are probably very out of line with the experiences of most of the population of the world is in right now. Yes, there are some who share my experiences, but since I am a Wayshower then it would makes sense that others with similar experiences are in the minority right now.

Honestly, I feel much like I did in 2002/2003 when the ascension “movement” was still in it’s infancy. It was nearly impossible to find others like myself and when I did find them, they were so cautious that it was hard to make meaningful connections.

So where exactly am I when it comes to my spiritual progression? Well, that is hard to say since there is no specific timeline or “one size fits all” when it comes to ascension. Most of my experiences involve the Kundalini and as such have been quite intense and explosive at times.

From what I woke up Knowing, this is my individual progression:

  1. Initial awakening (2002); sudden spiritual abilities appeared, connection with spirit guides instant and seeming to always be there, recognition of my origins, new identity (name change), spontaneous life decisions out of line with old personality (some would call this a Walk-in experience).
  2. Spontaneous OBEs that led to conscious OBEs, lucid dreams, Spirit communication, spontaneous past life recall, medical intuition (seeing auras), premonitions, loss of time/disconnection with this reality, Kundalini psychosis, Dark Night of the Soul.
  3. Period of general spiritual inactivity (about 7 years) also known as a hiatus. 🙂 Returned to “this reality” though still conscious of other realities, OBEs and spirit guide communication continued, spiritual abilities not actively used but not lost. Pursued a type of hypnosis that helped me resolve the barriers to progress. Ultimately these sessions helped even out the bumps and kinks in my consciousness and energy field so that I could resume work.
  4.  Gradual return and reintroduction to other realities mainly via OBEs. My OBEs became the gateway for communication with my guidance, ETs and others on this physical plane who were part of my Team. Multidimensional realities explored via OBEs, lucid and in-between states without the “psychosis” that resulted previously.
  5. Kundalini returned mostly via OBEs and lucid dreams. A period of over a year of Kundalini dreams, ET encounters, multidimensional experiences, energetic phenomena that I can’t otherwise explain, and my first telepathic communications with others of my Team on this plane of reality.
  6. Heart connection initiated and Kundalini surge beyond anything previously experienced. A heart connection, otherwise inaccurately known as Twin Flame, spured spiritual growth by magnifying and blasting through energetic blockages via the Kundalini. For me, this initiated a massive Ego death and catapulted me into consciousness expansion characterized by states of Divine Bliss, Oneness with All, tapping into universal consciousness, and other Divine states as written about by known Kundalini experiencers (i.e. Gopi Krishna).
  7. Current period where I am learning to master my new Self, step into and fully function in what others call 5D reality. Part of this mastery involves experiencing a merged state with others on both the spiritual and physical planes (ultimately a combination of both). Thus far I have experienced another heart connection on the physical plane (I’ve had numerous ones with Spirit) where there was mutual telepathy via a merged state that was effortless, as if I had been doing it my whole life. The other part of this mastery is learning to integrate my new Self with others still functioning within 3D and 4D. This is perhaps the most difficult for me and I struggle with it every day. Finally, Kundalini has become my new “normal” and is so familiar to me now that I cannot imagine my life without it.

My understanding is that ultimately I will “master” my current level and move on to the next. What this next level is, I am not sure.

Like I already mentioned, I struggle the most with integrating my new Self with everything and everyone else around me. Thus, my blog tends toward this struggle more times than not. Since I am in the midst of this lesson, I am unable to see beyond it at times. Just because I have progressed this far doesn’t mean I am somehow immune to this physical reality and everything in it. Ascension has made me more capable, for sure, but Knowing is not the same as Being. I am still a spiritual Being living a human experience and right now that is more real to me than it ever has been!

 

 

 

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Two Worlds Collide

It’s been a strange day….

I woke at around 10pm feeling as if I had slept the entire night but knowing I had just fallen asleep maybe 20 minutes prior. When I woke I was talking to a guide whose energy felt very substantial and powerful. There was a wisdom with him and his voice, though I couldn’t audibly hear it, felt deep and soul-resonating.

When we spoke I felt very much to be a student to him, or at least to be the one receiving guidance. I was asking him why I had to Remember and then not be allowed to retain the experience consistently throughout the remainder of my life. Why was I allowed to feel a deep connection to others but only temporarily? How can I go on Knowing what I Know?

He asked me to Remember why I am here. When he did, I felt why again and Knew that life as a human was meant to test. I am meant to feel disconnected so that I can have that perception and experience. I remember asking to not be human anymore. He then asked me to consider something. A vision of walking into a hotel room and finding my partner with another came to me. It was just a flash of memory but with it came an entire consideration that perhaps I am feeling what I am feeling because I intended to feel the way another had been made to feel by me? Maybe in another lifetime I was the one who felt betrayed and who fought to keep my partner from another? Maybe my partner was the one who was pining for someone they could never be with? That unrequited love feeling is definitely distinct.

Throughout our conversations there I had an odd feeling in my body. My entire right leg felt weird, like it was about to fall asleep but wasn’t quite there yet. I also felt weird energetically, like not quite connected to this body or realm. I ended up moving my body to rid myself of the feeling.

This particular energy sensation is fairly new to me but I have not mentioned it because I don’t know how to describe it exactly. I have felt it in random body parts – my right eye, my head and now my right leg. When the feeling comes on it feels uncomfortable and if I focus on it I feel that I might be ill or worse if it becomes anymore apparent. It never does, though, as I have learned to not focus on it and find that helps it to dissipate. It feels very wrong, like there is a mismatch between this body and my energy. There is also a metallic taste – that’s wrong word but don’t know how else to describe it. It’s an energetic “taste”.

That brings me to another topic. I was just explaining to my husband about how I seem to be able to “taste” energy. This is a new perception for me. I have come to recognize those I meet in Spirit (and for some in body as well) by their “energy signature”. This signature has distinct features that I perceive through a sense I have no name for and that is closest to that of the sense of taste. I explained to my husband that this “signature” is why we don’t need names to identify who we are when we are not in bodies. Our experiences imprint into our energetic field and act as our signature or fingerprint – soulprint. 🙂 When I have telepathically connected with others – merged with them – their soulprint is completely open and available to me. I can distinguish distinct “flavors” – personality, emotion, tendencies, etc. I perceive the “good” and the “bad” but all of it is exquisitely beautiful – like a tapestry or artwork. I see the Whole Self and am in awe of it. There is reverence felt for the person/soul.

Anyway, on to the rest of the weirdness of today….

I have been feeling different today. More than once while talking to others I have felt energetically “ill” to the point of it hitting me in physical ways. When I listen to someone talking for extended periods I feel it the most. It is a sick kind of wanting to fall to the ground or pass out. Like I am getting tasered by their energy. While listening to my boss describe something to me today I felt like this and after she left I got a headache.

I often feel this way when I first get to work in the morning and then it levels off after I’ve been there a few hours. Perhaps I am acclimating somehow to the energies?

Nonetheless, I think I am very wide open right now and picking up on others’ junk/energy.

I’ve also just had a weird feeling over all, similar to how I felt upon waking early in the night. At one point I wanted to just cry because I felt like I was losing my mind. it was short-lived – I composed myself quickly – but I have not felt anything like it in quite a while.

There was also a memory from years ago – 2003ish. It was of how I was told in advance by my guidance about a man I would meet. I was given his name and the specific date of our meeting. Later, after meeting him on the date given and being romantically involved with him, I noticed a piece of mail with his name on it and realized he went by his middle name and his first name was the one my guides told me! I had also met him on the exact date they had given me.

The sudden memory of this hit me all at once and sorta stunned me. Why have that memory? It was what I think threw me into that “I’m going crazy” feeling which brought me close to tears. It’s kind of a feeling of being ripped apart internally. Well, maybe that is a bit dramatic but in the moment it feels very disorienting at the least.

Now, at home and after spending time walking my dog and doing some yoga I feel much better. Sometimes I just don’t know what the f^%* is going on with the energy and ascension and, well the world! I live in two different worlds – one that seems to be mostly in my mind but I know it’s not – and the other one that everyone else seems to occupy. It’s days like today, though, when my own world seems to crash into the other world, when I struggle the most.

Just realized it is 12/12 today. Hahaha Maybe I fell through a portal…..

 

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Divine Mission-Possible Blog Challenge

This is my post contribution to Linda’s (Litebeing’s) Divine Mission-Possible Blog Challenge. The challenge is this:

Write about your spiritual mission here on Gaia. Are you a lightworker, Starseed, forerunner, Indigo, or none of the above? What have you incarnated to do or to be? Describe your mission and your journey to achieve it. Are you delighted to be here? There is no correct answer, by the way. Make it your own.

Mission

First off, I would like to say that from the beginning of this life I have always known my primary purpose was “to help.” Yeah, that’s it. Simple, really, but very open-ended. It has been extremely frustrating for me to embrace this mission because of its simplicity. It reminds me of school research paper assignments and that teacher who always had to give the students free reign over the topic. I hated those assignments! I wanted to be assigned something specific. Tell me what to research. Tell me the steps. Send me in the right direction. Nah, that would be too easy!

So my assignment this life is: Help. My response is, “Okay. I can do that…..OMG! (panic set in) HOW???” The answer I get is always, “However you want.” <—–That is just NOT fair!

Yeah, super frustrating. Just give me the specifics, tell me what to do. Nooooo.

Fast forward to this past Spring (February, 2018 specifically). I woke up one morning, after an especially amazing spiritual transformation, and just KNEW some of the specifics. Below is what I wrote:

My Mission is simple: I am a conduit for the Light. I hold and anchor the Light in order to assist in the elevation of planet Earth. I am of the second wave of Volunteers; a Wayshower. I am a Pleiadian Starseed of the Lyra star system. All other side missions are secondary to my primary one. The contracts I hold are for another version of me, the one who has since departed. I must uphold them but am not bound by them. I made a promise I intend to keep. With resolution of these contracts this other version will be completely shed as if like a skin, and all “holdings” to this planet eliminated. What will remain thereafter is a continued duty to the other inhabitants of Earth; an assistance to them so that they, too, may “shed” their previous selves/holdings and so be freed to rise to a new level. I am to live as a living example to those who follow me and others like me. I am not meant to be perfect. I am not a saint to be honored. I am simply making this “test run” so that others can learn from my process, my mistakes. Eventually they, too, will lead the way to those that follow, completing a process long overdue for this planet and her inhabitants.

Strangely, I was not relieved to know this about my mission here. It just seemed to be a fact, one that I had always known. And, honestly, it did not help with my primary concern of “how”. I mean, this holding of the Light just happens. It is at the soul-level, under the surface and multidimensional. At the human level I am still here to help in any way I see fit. As long as I “do no harm”, I am helping. It is really easy if you don’t over think it. Really!

So there’s that. My mission – to help. To describe all the in’s and out’s thus far would be far too long for one post. What I will focus on then is what I chose to do to help in this human form.

Mission Journey – The Very Short Version

The first career path I chose was teacher. I enjoyed it, until I didn’t. The education system sucked the life out of me after about 12 years. It’s all bureaucracy, red tape and paperwork. Generally, the kids are not #1, no matter what they tell you. Teachers are under paid and constantly threatened by not only the administrators but also the parents and kids (yeah the kids!). It’s so negative that anyone who survives 10 years in service is either super resilient and persistent, lucky enough to find a place where the students came first, or working for a pension/the money/because they have to. It’s very sad.

In an attempt to stay in education (because I wanted “to help!”) I shifted my career to school counselor but that quickly fizzled out as well. My heart was no longer in it. I wasn’t happy or satisfied. All the negatives from teacher were exacerbated only now I was an administrator and had to really believe in the “system”, which I didn’t. I was DONE with pretending. Still am.

So, I opted to stay home with my kids and focus on my family.

Spiritually speaking, my mission to help has come through offering spiritual services. I first begun giving readings in 2003 after my spiritual awakening. Back then, I left teaching for a time and focused on building a spiritual business from 2004-2007, but it never took off like I wanted. I just couldn’t make a living out of it. Ultimately, I just accepted that it would likely always be a side-job and fell back into teaching and counseling. But the spiritual was and has been always there, consistent and meaningful. My heart always feels full when I use my gifts.

Currently, I am working as an accounts payable assistant for sub-par pay and am satisfied with where I am. I continue to offer readings and other spiritual services on the side and I have this blog and several others that I write in to share my story and experiences with others. I have learned that I “help” the most when I am happy and not trying to force myself to be or do something that does not align with who I am. If I feel like shit, then I ain’t in the right place! If I feel good, then I am doing just fine.

Now onto the next question: Am I delighted to be here?

Yay or Nay to Physical Life?

This question just makes me just laugh, like a hysterical, insane kind of laugh. The kind you hear from a person who has been through the wringer so many times they don’t know which way is up anymore. Everything is funny in a twisted kind of way. So, yeah, I’m happy to be here and then not so much. I can’t wait to get off this freakin’ rollercoaster but then I also can’t wait to get back on.

It literally reminds me of standing in line at Six Flags for that hellish ride where you drop 8 stories (I think it’s more than that now), my knees shaking and my heart racing, terrified and thinking I will die. Yet I get on it over and over again because I can’t get enough.

Yeah, an insane kinda, wacky “delight” for experiencing life is what I have. Ultimately, no matter how much I say I want to die and exit this life I know that the minute I get Home I am gonna want to come right back. It’s addictive but there is also the purpose behind it that pushes me back. I have felt/experienced that purpose and drive. It feels like a mixture of duty and fidelity (“my word is my bond”) but really it is just a heck of a lotta Love for the others on this funky rollercoaster ride called life.

Join In

Part of this blogging challenge is to challenge someone else to join in. I want to urge all my readers who blog to join the challenge. Not only is it a great way to connect with others but it can also help clarify and solidify your mission by putting it out there, announcing to the world why you are here.

Something I want to point out to those who don’t feel like you know what your mission is or who have one like I do (OMG I feel for you!). Don’t turn it into something complicated when it isn’t. In other words, don’t follow in my footsteps! LOL What it all comes down to is that we come into these bodies to experience physical reality, to do our best and to do it with love in our hearts. We come here in complete amnesia and work our way back to Remembering. Our missions will vary and shift along the way. We only have purpose when we create purpose. As with all creations/works of art, we can edit and toss and start over as many times as needed until we get it right (our right not someone else’s!). No one is keeping tabs but you so stop tearing yourself up over the little mistakes and just have fun.

 

 

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A Little Retrograde is Good for Us

Today is my first day of working from home. Yep! So exciting that what I had been asking for is materializing! All I had to do was trust and have patience and here I am, living it! My youngest is not too keen on the idea of being home all day with me, though, not now that he has been staying at my SIL’s house during the day. He really loves going there. Kinda makes me a bit sad, but then I understand. There’s nothing more fun than spending a whole day with your three favorite cousins.

I am enjoying waking up slowly, taking my time to drink my coffee and not having to rush to get ready. Mornings are meant to go slow, in my opinion. Now one rushes the sun, so no one should have to wake up all at once.

Some Updates

Remember when I told you all that I was going to have lunch with my best friend from high school? Well, I did. Yesterday. It was fantastic to see her again. It felt like no time at all had passed, though I haven’t seen her in at least 4 years, maybe more.

She’s a Leo like me and we were like two peas in a pod all through high school. I have known her since 5th grade. Her family was like my second family. Though she was more the typical Leo, meaning she had her group of friends where she was the center of attention. I was the less typical Leo. I prefer one or two close friends. I’m introverted. She brought out the best in me. We just clicked and we helped each other through some rough times.

We ended up sitting in Jason’s Deli for over two hours talking and catching up. By the end I was telling her things I have not told anyone, except maybe in this blog, but even things I don’t talk about in this blog. I found myself near tears for the relief of telling it all. To be able to share without judgment, safe and loved, is the most wonderful thing. And she was always good at that, at listening, at sympathizing, at sharing.

We agreed we should meet up again. We are practically neighbors as it is. She has two boys, one the same age as my middle son. Her oldest has the same condition as my oldest – dysgraphia. Her struggle with her son was very real to me, but hers was much more difficult because she didn’t get the help for her son that she should have early on (not her fault). We laughed at how fitting it was that we would have children who struggled with spelling and school. We were both very smart in school. It came easily to us.

Then there is the re-finance my husband and I have been working on. It was set to close last Thursday. Mercury was still retrograde. And guess what? Yeah, there was a kink. Somehow the amount of cash out we were suppose to get shrunk by $5k. No kidding. WTF right? Then we couldn’t get anyone on the phone to help sort it out. Though $5K is not a lot, we chose a specific amount of money so we could pay down debt. Without that $5K then things are trickier. So we ended up signing with reassurance from the notary that we had three days to decide, to opt out if it was not resolved. I am hoping we can resolve it today, but if we can’t I am not against opting out and throwing the whole damn thing out and starting over. It was dumb to do it during Mercury retrograde anyway, right? lol

In the meanwhile I have Kundalini bliss overload. Still. Not complaining. There is some beautiful dancing going on in my world. The dance of the masculine and feminine; hieros gamos; the sacred marriage. With it there is this gentle, healing energy. I feel it repairing me, stitching up old wounds, making me “all better”. I feel myself opening deeper and deeper to the masculine, accepting and eager for the aliveness the comes with embracing my Whole self.

At the same time I notice the retrograde effect is very prominent. Retrograde – going back, reliving the past, picking up lessons left unfinished. At first I thought it was from a specific time period, but I am understanding this is not the case. The lessons can be from any time, this life or another. With it is a need to confront that which I do not want to see. To open up to my deepest inner desires; that which fuels my creativity and sparks my potential to manifest. When we hold back, when we do not allow ourselves to BE we wound ourselves. Ultimately, we are the most wounded by ourselves, not by others. This is what I find at my core. No blame. No pointing fingers or placing responsibility on another. It is all me. I did it all. And similarly, I can undo it. But it is scary because I have convinced myself that restriction of myself is keeping me – and others I love – safe. Safe is a curious words, a human word. In reality, as Spirit, nothing can harm us. We are infinite. The need for safety comes with mortality. Period.

So, I guess the question is: Can I step out from behind this wall of safety I have built around myself? Can I strip away that illusion so that I can see who I really am behind it all? I am waiting for myself to do this. I’ve been waiting my whole life for it.

 

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Dreams and Cosmic Crossroad

I’ve not been documenting many dreams lately because: 1. I am not remembering them and 2. I’ve not felt the urge/need when I do remember them. Since last weekend, however, my dreams have revved up and are becoming somewhat insightful/prophetic, at least for me. Add the continued increase in synchronicity and there is no ignoring the messages.

Dream: I’m Going to Marry Him

I recall walking outside near a road near my childhood home. There was a whole section of dream about “special” individuals who had spiritual gifts. I was one of them and so was another woman. We were staying together to learn how to use our gifts.

The main part I remember is when I was outside and saw a man with a shovel (insight, understanding of new Self) digging up a section of the land. I was helping I think. We uncovered a wide, white sidewalk (steady progress/direction in life) that stretched the length of the property. I remember seeing the man and recognizing him. He looked like the Hindu man from an early Kundalini dream where we attended a Hindu engagement ceremony. When I saw the man I was not physically attracted to him at all. He was older with deeply etched wrinkles on his face. As I watched him and contemplated my feelings toward him I reminded myself that looks were unimportant and feeling is what mattered. I did have a connection to him, an attraction, and as I watched him I remember saying, “I’m going to marry him.”

The dream ended with me looking at the white sidewalk and noting how very long it was. I saw another sidewalk parallel to it on my left that was only halfway uncovered. There was information being passed on at this time but I don’t remember it now.

Dream: Avoiding a Procedure

In this dream I was heading to a place that felt “good” over all. I was walking along the road to it and encountered a stop or intersection. There was a couple (relationship) in a truck (work) with two large dogs (protection). The dogs were romping around and I happily interacted with them feeling carefree and happy.

There was an old man (masculine aspect) on the side of the road wearing a backpack (decisions/responsibilities). His hair was white with streaks of gray and he was probably in his 60’s. The couple and I spoke to him. He said he had come to visit and never left and that was back in 1967. He mentioned he was from Virginia. I said something like, “It’s cold there this time of year, so it’s good you’re here.”

The couple left the truck and I sat inside with their full grown mentally retarded son (aspect that is feeling left out) who was tracing letters on a paper with a round object. He was doing well and I complimented him on it. The son sometimes looked full grown and other times like a boy. I remember singing a song, I think it was, “He’s got the whole world in his hands.” The boy and I sang it for a while, laughing as we tried to remember the correct words.

Eventually, I was inside a “hospital” (healing) setting where others were also. Again, we were spiritually gifted and there to help better understand the process. It felt like we were “test subjects” and I remember it being an honor. There were beds and televisions arranged along the walls in a clinic-type setting. Everyone was nice and it was pleasant overall.

There was a dream within a dream type situation where I was in the hospital but there was a fence (barrier, feeling fenced in) along the side and beyond the fence was a dark (unknown) forest (subconscious). I peeked through and saw lights which illuminated a military (emotional repression) truck (work). In this part of the dream I was trying to escape (avoidance) for some reason. A man was with me helping me and asking me to pay attention to the lights (clarity, guidance, illumination). The lights would flash like fireworks and during this part of the dream I became very lucid, but it didn’t last.

Then I was coming back to the facility but when I got inside I found my family had all left me behind (feeling left out). In this case, family was my mom and sisters. I called my brother on the phone and asked him where they all were. He said they had all been released. I said, “Good, then I can come home. What happened?” He paused and told me, “I don’t know what I can tell you. I had to sign lots of confidentiality paperwork.” This concerned me. I kept saying, “I’m coming home.”

As I was leaving a nurse (need to take time to heal) stopped me and said, “You need to stop taking your vitamin A.” I said, “Sure. Okay. No problem. That’s easy.” Then she said, “The E, too.” She seemed really intense though and I felt more of a need to leave then ever.

When I got to the last door another nurse stopped me. She had in her hand what looked like a large turkey baster. She was putting on gloves and said, “One more thing before you go….” I took one look at her and knew where she intended to put the thing. I said, “I don’t think so” and began to try and find the fastest route out of there.

Two other nurses came and began to corner me. One was saying, “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.” Several times they had me and I got away, each time someone was saying something to me about how it was not that bad and I was making it out to be worse than it was. There were even “family members” telling me I had to do it and there was no avoiding it. All I could think of was how they wanted to stick that huge object where the sun don’t shine and that didn’t seem like fun to me. It seemed like they were going to give me an enima with it.

I managed to get out and sprinted past the truck from earlier in the dream and into a parking area where I saw a police car (seeking assistance). Thinking I could get help, I jumped inside the car. The police officer looked like a deer in headlights and didn’t move to help or anything. He shrunk up against the side of the car letting my pursuers get past him. I grabbed a tiny pistol (feeling defensive) the officer had in the car and aimed it at the nurses warning them I would shoot if I had to. At this point I was feeling that if they got me I was a goner. In my mind I was set against going with them at all costs but not sure why. It seemed like it was life or death for some reason.

I climbed out the other side of the car but the nurses had caught up to me, all of them dressed in their white lab coats which made them look sinister for some reason. I aimed the pistol and shot but all that came out was a tiny, “pffft” and a small cloud of smoke. The gun was worthless! My pursuers got hold of me, one on each arm and the other grabbed my legs.  They dragged me back to the facility. The dream ended there.

When I woke up I was startled and wondering why I was so resistant in the dream. It felt like an ET-type dream where I was going to get some adjustments done. Usually I am very friendly and amicable about such situations.

Not long after I woke, I remember hearing a conversation in the in-between but can’t recall it now except for me saying “Only four” as in a number of spots.

Kundalini

Though the above dreams may not seem like much they come after several Kundalini and Kundalini-related dreams that I have not documented in this blog. To summarize, the Kundalini has been showing up in my dreams in a very obvious way. The first time it was welcomed but in the others I purposefully avoided it even after some prodding by dream characters. I’m not sure why I am avoidant, either. I thought I got past that long ago? Perhaps I just don’t want to go down that road again? Likely as that does not appeal to me. If someone were to offer me the powerfully attractive, blissgasm of the Kundalini right now I would say, “Nah. I’m good.” LOL

The first dream above is reminiscent of dreams I had prior to some major Kundalini episodes back in 2015-2016. The man was the exact same man. Who he is, I have no clue. Maybe just a representation of my masculine Self. He is plain looking with dark hair and medium skin tone and has a very Indian look about him. I suspect his reappearance has to do with yet another “clearing” by my friend the Kundalini.

My guess on the second dream is that I am witnessing the last remnants of my Ego trying desperately to hold onto what she can but not putting up much of a fight (thus the tiny, impotent pistol).

Crossroads

One more thing I meant to mention. Last Friday/Saturday we came to a “cosmic crossroads” so to speak – well some of us did, anyway. I received a heads up prior to Friday in a dream and later was shown a wall sliding across my line of sight,  representing an impenetrable wall sealing the path behind me. I was told, “When one door closes, another opens.” That same day I ran into a blog post mentioning the 21st as a “point of no return” and then the next day another post citing the astrological significance of last weekend leading to us recognizing  life’s “dead ends” and taking a new path forward.

 

 

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Sthira Sukham Asanam

As the theme of impermanence continues to be brought up for my inspection I am beginning to recognize pieces of a far greater message coming through. That message is more of a feeling than something that can be put into words. So, I will let the message speak to you itself, as it has been speaking to me.

I am going to post a song and an article. Listen to the song while you read the article. Listen and read until you understand. If you do not feel called to read or listen, that is fine, too.

Namaste,

Dayna

 

Article: Sthira Sukham Asanam – Finding That Sweet Spot

Lyrics:

Sthira Sukham Asanam
Sthira Sukham Asanam

Far away in a distant past
In another time
All the words you’ve ever spoken
Live in me now

These feelings blow around me
Feel that I could fall
Blinded by the light of yesterday

But on this path, I can see
What lies behind the mystery
Each step I take, a passing dream

Destiny
Lord you live in me
As the unchanging

In light I hear a calling
Of what was and what one will be
And the cry of two souls yearning
To know their worth

I don’t walk this path alone
Everything is changing
Beneath the stillness of the sky
I take your hand

On this path, I can see
What hides behind the mystery
Each step I take, a passing dream

Destiny
Lord you live in me
As the unchanging

Sthira Sukham Asanam
Sthira Sukham Asanam

On this path, I can see
This red road
Beneath our feet

Destiny

While the dance of creation
Changes around me
In the halls of eternity
I shall remain safe

Sthira Sukham Asanam
Sthira Sukham Asanam
Sthira Sukham Asanam – Lord you live in me
Sthira Sukham Asanam – As the unchanging
Sthira Sukham Asanam – In this dream
Sthira Sukham Asanam

 

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The Best Path is Your Own

It is seldom that I feel like blogging these days. At first, it felt wrong, like I was letting all of you down by not posting my thoughts, insights and experiences. I have since realized that it is merely that I no longer feel I need external acceptance and validation. Where my morning routine once consisted of sometimes more than one hour of dedicating a part of myself – my energy – to blogging, now that time and energy is entirely dedicated to stabilizing and grounding my energy through a dedicated yoga practice.

I wanted to share with you all what nearly 8 weeks of daily yoga practice has taught me. Firstly, yoga forces you to feel your body and energy. It brings to the surface thoughts and mind chatter – similar to meditation. The main difference, however, is that yoga, through its various asanas, assists you in feeling the energy pathways of your body.

Previously I thought I was good at sensing my own energy and blockages. Well now I know that my awareness of my physical and energetic bodies was – is still – juvenile compared to the mature sense that it could – SHOULD – be.

I have just recently begun to notice during my daily practice the areas where energy is stuck or not moving. It reveals itself via a feeling of resistance. For example, I wrote in my yoga journal just today:

When I do JM (Joint Mobility) drills I notice certain energy flows that are resistant. It makes me feel tense and then with acknowledgment it releases. Sometimes I have several of these resistant flows throughout JM drills. Most of the resistance is around my hips.

Joint mobility drills are a precursor to my yoga practice, preparing my body for movement. They are simplistic but extremely important. The resistance reveals itself in many forms, the most common being a physical tenseness with a holding in of breath, but a short second would be that my thoughts muddle up or become clouded.

Inevitably, by the end of my 30 minute practice I feel grounded, clear, and exceptionally happy compared to before my practice. If I wake feeling anxious or grumpy, yoga completely shifts me out of that state and into present time. Thankfully, I have been waking up feeling optimistic and excited for the day for weeks now. It is rare that I wake up feeling negative these days.

I wanted to share with you a video that was shared on FB by one of my online friends this morning. It explains why I am experiencing the changes that I am and I hope it sways those of you who do not participate in a regular yoga practice to do so.

The Best Path is Your Own

Now I want to shift gears and share with you a lesson I am learning within my own family. Before I do so, however, I want to share how I was led to awareness of this lesson.

When I experienced my soul exchange I came into contact and then merged with my Higher Self, a part of me that has always been with me but has been unable to fully join me within this vessel/body for various reasons I will not go into now. This “Higher Self” is a compilation of all aspects of me – it is not one Being or Being-ness but a conglomeration of all Being-nesses from various vibrations and frequencies spanning all of Me that has been, will be and currently IS within this Time space. So with merging with ALL of Me I was shown my present life circumstance (relationships, locations, connections, lessons, etc) and its purpose within the bigger and much broader picture that is my existence and spans all of ME.

To grasp finally why I am where I am and experiencing what I am was in and of itself an awakening for various reasons. With this understanding came total acceptance and willingness to experience anything. “Good” and “Bad” mattered not. Where previously I was resistant because of my own wants/desires (Ego) I now am willing and open to completing what I started.

The main component of this acceptance came in understanding the purpose behind my marriage. Previously I had resisted my relationship to my husband, seeing only our differences and concluding that our paths had diverged. Since the exchange, however, I am resolute in my promise to fulfill the contract I have with my husband not only for my own growth and advancement but his. In fact now, his growth comes before my own, where previously my own would have superseded his.

As if to bring into my mental awareness all I have just stated above, articles and posts online were brought to my attention. One such article is by Ram Dass – How do we awaken in a way that doesn’t push away those we love? 

When I read the article I was first reminded of something my “partner” (this is my Companion, my guidance, my HS) has been telling me ever since the exchange. When I inquire as to why I feel unable to share some things I hear, “DO NO HARM.” And this message comes through loud and clear in Ram Dass’ article.

But also this, “Another way of saying this is that those people that you are with, because of your karma, because of the nature of things, you start to work with their presence. They become your curriculum.”

I understood when reading this that I am being asked to participate in the lesson that is my life, my marriage and all that it entails. By rejecting it, by resisting it and making excuses as to why I need to disconnect from my life, I have been delaying not only my own progress, but his and my children’s.

This morning this message was further expounded upon via a text conversation with my husband. He has his own spiritual path, one that I have also traveled but I mostly dabble in, using aspects that I agree with and ignoring the rest. Our differences have long been a source of our disagreements and thus have been, unfortunately, the focus when they should not have been.

My husband recently had a setback on his path. This is a part of our text conversation this morning:

“The biggest win from this trip is knowing I have you in my corner when push comes to shove. It certainly gives me a New Perspective. I guess I kind of got knocked off my “high horse” a little bit! Sometimes one realizes maybe they aren’t the smartest one after all. Perhaps your alternative path is even better than my own.”

I replied, “The best path is your own.”

Our conversation triggered huge understanding on my part and all of what I wrote above came together, bringing Clarity.

One final thing I want to communicate. For those of you struggling right now (the energies have been off the charts intense), please know that all your work is not in vain. You are progressing. You will get there. The answers really do lie within. Look within for all you are seeking. Everything is within you. The process is not active. It is not a DO-ing. It is a BE-ing. Embrace everything you are – the Dark, the Light, the scary, the intoxicating. Fall into it. Surrender to it. The feeling will fool you into thinking it will destroy you. It won’t. It burns away the lies and deception and leaves only the Truth.

I love you all.

Namaste,

Dayna

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Projection Repulsion

Note: This post starts out a bit on the negative side but I promise it gets lighter in the end.

It’s been an interesting last few days. I do not believe any of it is due to “cosmic forces”, “12-12 gateways”, astrological events or the such. Yet that is what I keep seeing on my FB, which btw I have been avoiding more and more for the lack of anything of substance. Fake news, conspiracy theories (to the extreme), and personal attacks/agendas on this topic/agency or that  (politics, net neutrality and anti-vaccination are big ones lately) – all of it gives me a sour taste in my mouth.

It seems like all people want to do is have an effect in any way they can. Humans are desperate and it is apparent all over the net. Every post screams, “Look at me! Look at me!”

In stark contrast here I am hiding and wanting the opposite. Don’t look at me. I’m ugly and feel uglier inside. I don’t want to hear what you have to say and I really don’t have anything to say to you.

That’s how I feel this morning anyway. Listening to people hurts right now. Please don’t whine to me about your problems, your upsets about the world, your sad family problems, your hurt, pain or whatever. Oh and I don’t care if you turn your back on me because I feel this way. I don’t need you or your sympathy, pity, or whatever anyway. Attached to it is this or that expectation and I prefer to have none of that. I scratch your back you scratch mine, right? I’ll scratch my own back, thank you.

Perhaps it is the holiday season but right now the projections coming from people are in stark contrast to the real person underneath, probably more now than ever. I can’t bear to hear the pleasantries, get another half-assed, pretend hug, or witness anymore pretense. I will literally throw up on the next person who tries to fake me out. And every adult does it….unless they are old/senile or considered mentally ill. Family isn’t so bad, thankfully. And children, they are golden. Thank God for my babies is all I can say right now.

I also woke up feeling absolutely and utterly alone. Again. The empty feeling was ten times as strong as it normally is. The people in my dreams all wanted something from me. There was no giving of love without expectation. They assumed so much automatically and it felt like a huge, invisible wall was between myself and everyone I met.

When I woke I was in grief and missing the feeling/experience/ISness of my true Divine nature – that feeling of love/friendship, of complete connection. Oh I never have the right words to describe it but there are those reading this who know what I am talking about. The total LACK of it in this world hit me like a ton of bricks and I could not bear to exist in this void any longer. It was completely clear to me why I feel so alone, so disconnected, so empty in  this life. It’s because I AM disconnected here.

I was/am at a loss and it doesn’t help that I am acutely aware of what I mentioned earlier in this post. Right now most everyone and everything reminds me of what I am NOT.

Similarly, my physical issues continue to plague. My body is on strike I think. The antibiotics I’ve been on stopped working or something and now I am on a different regimen because my skin is not healing as it should. Everything starts to seem to improve only to regress back to no progress. I’ve had scabs in some places for over three weeks! WTF!?

The BC seems to be backfiring, too. I am hungry all.the.time, have gained weight and have painful breasts. I am tired, too, tired like I was when I was pregnant. I get so hungry sometimes that I feel sick to my stomach and certain foods do not agree with me. For example, carbonated anything will make me get icky stomach and I suddenly cannot stomach whey protein which I have been taking for years now without issue! So far the BC does not seem to have any affect on my skin which is the whole point of taking it.

It’s not worth it. All of this mess so that my face is clear and then no one really “sees” me anyway! How lame. Looks like my own projections are biting me in the ass right now. Ha! Yeah the jokes on me as usual.

Dreams and Kundalini

Oh and then there are the dreams…..geez where do I start? The most memorable was a Kundalini dream a few days ago. Wow, it was a doozy. Not that the Kundalini was raging like it has. No, it was very subtle compared to other K-risings I’ve had. However, this one made a very obvious point I could not ignore. In the dream I was in a classroom and my teacher/lover/friend was with me. The whole dream consisted of my “other half” trying to persuade me to be with him and me being wholly and completely repulsed by him. I was adamantly against him to the point of nastiness. However, at the exact same time I was extremely attracted to him in a very powerful way and I acknowledged it. The main feeling throughout the dream and upon waking was the simultaneous powerful attraction and repulsion. It was fascinating to me that I could feel both things at the same time! The message I brought back with me was that I had grown so use to rejecting life that I had gotten to the point of rejecting everything and everyone which in turn left me with little to no enjoyment/happiness. It was quite an eye-opener.

Then there was the dream of sweeping a floor covered in cockroach (undesired aspects of Self/life) body pieces. Ick! Afterward I scrubbed the floor with a white cleanser that left a residue that repelled cockroaches. Weird.

And this morning in a dream I visited my partner’s apartment (emotional state) only to find that he was gone and likely not coming back anytime soon (abandoning emotion). The fridge (emotionally cold) had been left open and unplugged and there were other clues that he had gone away for a long while. Thing is, he left his cat (sexuality, femininity) with no one to look after it and it was emaciated and near death. I remember saying he likely went to South America (trying to conquer life’s obstacles) and fully intended to wait for him to return. While I waited the entire apartment complex came to keep me company and I was surrounded by strangers the rest of the dream, all of them working to help me settling in and become a part of their little community. I remember seeing faces that reminded me of the cast of “Friends”.

Conclusion

I’m sorry if the first half of this post rubbed you the wrong way. If you got this far, kudos to you. It is obvious to me now that I have made it this far in this post that I am doing some major inner work which is manifesting in both physical and emotional ways. If you were to be physically present with me you would find my Sagittarius bluntness rampant and maybe a bit refreshing. Or you may want to run the other way. In all honesty I would think you a coward if you ran away but would not hold it against you. If you fought back, though, and gave me a piece of your mind, I would totally respect you and we would likely end up laughing over egg nog spiked with rum. 😉

Sometimes a good fight is all a person needs. lol I need some boxing gloves right now I think.

I feel ten times lighter, though, and my thoughts are tending toward the silly at the moment. For example (for a laugh), the new antibiotics I am on – ampicillin – have a very odd possible side-effect I want to share. Apparently you should call your doctor if you get a “black, hairy tongue.” LOL OMG it still makes me laugh and I thought it so funny when I initially read it that I called my husband and interrupted him at work just to tell him. HA! So far, no hair on my tongue but I will keep you posted.

Finally, through all the up’s and down’s of the last five days or so, I have taken time to appreciate the finer things in life (like funny side-effects). Here is a picture of the sunrise the other morning. May it bring you joy like it did me.

IMG_1230.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

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Revelations and Updates

Some messages I have received recently:

From Call the Midwife season 5 episode 7:

Prayers aren’t always answered the way one would hope but they are generally answered. And the answer He gave me was this: When things change we have to find a different way. Now whenever I do up a button or a shoelace I’m reminded of the need to keep learning.

A reminder we all need from time to time.

Nothing stays the same. We don’t stay the same ourselves. And all the time the world keeps spinning faster.

Another quote that caught my attention:

But my first child and my second child both died. One in my belly and one in my arms.

I’m sorry.

Why are you sorry?

It’s just something we say in England, when someone says something bad happened.

It is in the past now. This baby’s in the future, which is why you should never be sorry, just be glad.

And still another:

Sometimes there is no map for the road we find ourselves upon. It lies ahead, uncharted, unfurling into the mist. We are all travelling through one another’s countries. But it is no matter if we meet as strangers, for we can join forces and learn to love. And where there is friendship and affection there is the place we can all call home.

These quotes/scenes and more have been inciting tears. Sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders; like torrents of flood waters pouring through my very Being and I can’t breathe for the ceaselessness of them. Last night I was overcome by the emotion yet again and rather than question it or judge myself for the feelings I was feeling, I just allowed them to flow because I knew it would not last long. A silent and reassuring voice from within said, “It will pass.” It always does and part of me saw the emotion and the experience of the moment as a Divine blessing. I understood that my human body and mind is not capable of holding onto it all. So, I need to give it up, to give it back to where it came from…..wherever that might be. In giving it up I am cleansed and one step closer to fully embracing the sanctity of this existence.

Amidst the emotional purging there has been clarity on so many things. Lessons are becoming obvious, gifts received finally opened. The exhaustion and apathy I’ve been feeling transforming into surrender, slowly but surely.

After several days of reflection, a thought continues to resurface: “If I had to do it over again, I would not do it again.” When asked why I would not do it again, I replied, “It destroyed me. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel empty.” I heard in reply, “Now you can be filled.”

“It” here refers to what occurred in December, 2015, almost two years ago now. Basically, if I could turn back time I would turn the other way, listening to my inner silence rather than giving in to my human urgency to be loved. The connection that I felt was misunderstood and blown way out of proportion by my human self. I have concluded now that the “connection” was merely the result of a newly opened heart which revealed to me a glimpse of my True self. My human side attributed the very “new” feelings to all the wrong things and had not the experience nor knowledge with which to cope appropriately. I continue to feel ill prepared but recognize that my body/mind/spirit has to be re-taught how to handle that which is my natural state. It is very obvious that my natural state is beyond beautiful, beyond powerful, so much so that my human self struggles immensely because she is buried under layers of illusion and belief.

Another revelation….. I saw myself as the character I play in this life. She seems so boring, so nondescript, so lonely and forlorn. It occurred to me that I should step out of that Beingness and look at myself from outside myself, like I am watching a television show of my life. When I did there was just love for the experience and recognition that I chose it because I saw it as beautiful. Every “bad” feeling, low mood, negative reaction just as wonderful as every moment of laughter, excitement, love, and friendship. All moments “will pass”, it is only the clinging to one over the other that makes once experience seem fleeting while another seems to last forever.

Somehow I have to learn to reject nothing and embrace all and do so without judgment.

Spiritual Considerations

I continue to feel repelled by the online spiritual community, channeled messages and energy forecasts I use to follow prior to July this year. The repetitiveness of the messages is really bothering me. It occurred to me that nothing in the messages has really changed over the last few years. They still say the next big wave is upon us, the incoming energy will bring about transformations and huge changes, etc, etc. Then there is the abundance of people jumping on the ever-growing spiritual bandwagon. It all just bothers the hell out of me. Something is very wrong with it. Every day I stop following another person on WP. Every day I stop following another person on FB. Soon there won’t be anything left to read.

I have always been one to listen to my own self/heart first, so none of the above is really out of the ordinary for me. However, the feeling I get from most if not all of what I am reading is nearing repulsion now. I go back day after day to blogs I use to frequent and try again to read their posts but am turned off within a sentence of two. It just doesn’t flow with me anymore.

The only answer I have to the above is that I am focusing on what really matters: love, family, life. The spiritual is part of all of it. There is no need to follow some channel or some energy forecast. No need to validate my journey from without. All of it is right.here.inside.me. Some people still need to look outside themselves, some are still growing, building their foundations. So they can read or follow the blogs, channels, forecasts. There is nothing wrong with it and eventually they will come full circle, too. We all will.

Interesting little tidbit I want to add now. As if to remind me of my own need for validation there was a time last week when wherever I went I kept getting messages from the environment that said, “Walk-in”. It was ridiculous how frequent it was! I actually had a post on it and then opted to not finish it. That very day I saw this on my way to pick up my family photos:

IMG_1187

I actually laughed out loud when I saw it, thus I had to take a picture to document it.

Then, yesterday I think it was, someone commented on my other blog, the one about walk-ins. I didn’t know how to respond. How do I feel about the subject now? I didn’t know. Ultimately, I still don’t know what to say about it. Part of me is not even sure such a thing really exists. Something obviously happened, is happening to me, but really it seems more like a mental illness – a personality break of sorts – than a spiritual phenomena. At this time the best I can come up with is that I am in a transition period and at some point in the future it will all be crystal clear. All I can say for sure right now is that I have changed, am changed and will continue to change. Change is the only constant.

Kundalini

Last night the Kundalini visited more than once. Consciously I accepted it and even upon waking it swirled and raged, especially around my root and crown. At one point, when the energy was feeling quite strange and almost unsettling I heard, “Stay calm.” At that moment I became more alert to the energy in my crown area. Prior to that, I had received a long, rope-like object composed of tiny threads weaving in and out in spiral fashion. I was to attach one end to my crown and the other to my root. The Kundalini was everywhere but the feeling was unlike anything I have felt before. It was almost as if the space between my root and crown was a vast void with no beginning and no end.

I could not return to the in-between and began to think of all the things I needed to do, specifically that I need to get a run in today. I heard my guidance say, “You need to rest.” It occurred to me then that my recent lack of motivation and desire to “do nothing” in terms of exercise and running was likely more than just my being “lazy”.

Updates on Physical Issues

This morning I have a headache but nothing major. My acne ailment is almost completely healed. In fact, my complexion is glowing and radiant. I will be tapering off of my antibiotics slowly over the next couple of weeks.

My body seems to be adjusting to the birth control. I don’t know if the emotion I am having is related or not. Could be, I guess. The pain in my ankles is gone but I did burst a vein on my right ankle. It is likely it was caused by the BC because higher hormones do effect vein elasticity. It could mean more vein issues in the future.

I am still having panic/anxiety but mostly when I am running. I only ran once this week because the weather has been crazy here in Texas. One day it was near 80 degrees and the next it was snowing (yeah). On that one run I almost ended up in a full-on panic attack out of the blue. These moments of panic come from feeling like I am not in my body when I run. My legs contact solid ground but instead of feeling grounded I feel the opposite, as if I will leave my body via my crown at any moment. The panic comes from my human mind immediately worrying that I will not be in control of this body. Scenarios of passing out on the sidewalk or running into traffic shift me into panic mode. I have to tell myself, “I’m okay. Everything’s fine”. But on this particular day a part of me embraced leaving my body and had no concern or worry of what might happen if I did. Once I ignored the panicking side and listened to the other my anxiety lessened and then dissipated. After that I still opted to take a route away from busy roads just in case. lol

Family

I’ve been having disconcerting dreams about my sister lately. Her birthday is today but I am unable to communicate with her or send her a gift or card because she and her husband have purposefully withheld their address from family. The feeling is that either she is currently struggling or that more severe struggles await her and her husband. It saddens me, especially since she is mostly hurting herself by disconnecting like she is.

My family recently had family photos taken. Here are a couple of them:

Since these photos were taken I have been ever so grateful for my many blessings. At times I am overflowing with gratitude. The smallest of moments make me smile. For example, I have been reading to my youngest in the evenings. He has been requesting that I read to him nightly and brings book after book to me. Every time I read to him he snuggles up close and always either holds or strokes my arm or hand. It is the sweetest thing. I don’t think either of my other two children ever did that.

 

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Unusually Powerful Kundalini

My Kundalini experiences have been intermittent as of late. I will get spurts here and there but nothing like the near continuous rumblings I had in 2016. For the last few months I have noticed a pattern, though. The Kundalini makes an entrance during specific phases of my moon cycle around ovulation and then again around menstruation. The time frame she chooses is interesting as I have read that for women Kundalini does tend to be more active at certain times in a woman’s cycle, specifically during spikes in estrogen levels (which would be around ovulation).

Currently I am approaching the end of my cycle, around two days from the end in fact. All has been quiet since mid-month when I ovulated and had a spike in Kundalini dreams that woke me up with uncomfortable root chakra activity.

Early last night I had a Kundalini visit that was unusually powerful. Thankfully I was so deep in sleep that I never became fully lucid.

The Kundalini presented itself via a connection with one of my guides. This is not uncommon. We were together having a conversation I can’t recall completely now. I do know this guide’s name was “Chris”. His appearance is blurry. I believe he had dark hair to his chin that was sorta messy. I also see him as muscular, though I have no specific memory of this either. In fact, I cannot recall seeing him even once in the encounter, though I do remember him being present. However, I recently had an OBE where this guide presented himself, so I have an idea of what he looks like.

To describe what I felt is always difficult with the Kundalini energy. There is nothing in my life experience, and I mean NOTHING, that even comes close. In the dream I recall talking to this guide one minute, standing next to him casually enjoying a conversation, and the next being literally overcome by a powerful sensation in my root chakra that surged upward ferociously, devouring any resistance I might have had and putting me completely out of commission. The Kundalini did not feel like I have ever felt it. My root chakra seemed to move upward and take over all of my lower chakras. It literally felt like my entire lower body became my root and the sensation of having a body at all was gone. I also have a vague memory of my guide pushing a “button” prior to the Kundalini rising.

As I was standing when these episodes would incite, I do not know how I didn’t fall to the ground! In those moments it actually seemed like I levitated and lost any recognizable form. The Kundalini would surge for what seemed like an eternity, I would lose myself to it and then it would subside. I would return to my conversation and then it would come again. And again. And again. Each time it surged it was like my entire body was orgasming! I could feel a central canal of energy extend up to my heart. It was like my vagina extended all the way to my heart! I know, weird, but like I said this was unusual even for me. My entire lower half felt like my root/genital area and was super, super stimulated to the point that I am not sure how I didn’t die from it. lol

After 7 or 8 rounds of this energy rising and receding, I finally began to have more lucidity. This is when I remember talking with my guide and discussing math of all things. lol My only specific memory here is of the number 38. I can still see it vividly in my mind as it was white outlined in silver floating in front of my eyes. I reached for it and touched it even and it converted into an equation of some sort, one with a square root sign. This is when the last surge of Kundalini energy hit and put me out of commission for a while. When it receded I began to wake up.

While in the in-between I received a message from my guide. He gave me the name “Chris” and another word came up but now all I remember is that it began with the letter “r”. I believe the word may have been “restore” but am unsure. I do know that I was being told why he was assisting me and that it had to do with some improvements being made as I saw the Kundalini as scrubbing/cleaning my energy body.

When I woke it was 1:30am and I easily returned to sleep because I had a feeling of being drugged. I had to get out of bed to get a drink, though, because I felt parched, and prior to sleep all of my lower chakras were active and felt merged as one with a comfortable, warm energy. I experienced the same raw ache I tend to get after a Kundalini surge but it was not uncomfortable as it has been in the past. The last thing I recall before slipping into dreamland is the energy reaching my lower heart chakra and the warmth of it spreading outward.