Category Archives: Dreams

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Dream: Living Dead

Dreamed I was with a small group in a rural area. We lived in a small cottage home with a huge window at the front entry. I remember looking at the window and its location and considering the layout of the house. How was the house so dark with such a big window? I determined it was the location of the window at the front entry which limited the light from the window to a tiny dining area. Briefly I saw inside the house and noticed the dimness of the light inside and how small it really was. How odd, I thought.

Then I was with the group which consisted of five or six individuals. There was discussion about conducting a ritual that would create change within us. It was presented as a good thing but many were skeptical. I remember some members objected to doing the ritual. Somehow, though, the ritual was done without everyone’s agreement and we were stuck with the consequences. Some were in shock after. Some just accepted it. I was one that accepted it.

As a result of the ritual, I knew my physical body was now dead despite me still occupying it. Everyone else in the group had the same result. Was I a zombie? I couldn’t be. My mind was clear and I felt really good. I had no urge to eat brains or other people. In fact, I felt just like I did when my body was living. I was living but my body was dead – living dead. 

The group discussed their new circumstances. The positives were that we no longer had to worry about taking care of the functioning of the body – no urge to pee, to eat, to sleep. The negatives were the body would soon begin to decay and lose mobility. How could we slow that process? Eventually the body would not be suited for occupation so slowing down decay was the only option. Not many ideas were presented. I remember walking around for a bit, feeling for changes in my body that indicated it was starting to decay. I noticed blood was starting to pool in my legs causing them to look purplish black. Without the heart beating to circulate the blood, it was thickening and gravity was causing it to trickle down towards my feet. Images of what happens to a body after death came to mind – gaunt face, bulging eyes, sagging skin, dark spots. Gross. I informed the group about the blood situation and suggested we all lay down and put our feet up so as to redistribute the blood in our bodies. 

I walked into the main room and saw a large, circular stone table in the middle. All around it were pillows and mats spread out like spokes in a wheel. I recognized the ritual area and picked out a spot. This is where it happened. This is where the ritual was performed that killed all our bodies. I laid down on a mat and put my feet up on the table. No one else joined me. I remember thinking/saying, “You know, what we really need to do is drain all the blood from our bodies. Then we don’t have to worry about our blood pooling.”  I remember thinking of embalming and how that may also be an option. Then I had a thought that if I did remove all my blood, then maybe I would become thirsty for blood and I would be driven to consume people like a real zombie. This worried me and as a result I woke up.

Reflection

I want to laugh about this dream but it was so real that I take pause. What was is trying to show me?  My first thought upon waking was that I was being made aware of something about myself. Specifically, my focus on keeping my physical body in good shape via exercise, nutrition, and youth enhancing procedures like Botox and IPL. It made me think of just how much anxiety I have over my body deteriorating as I age. I dislike the idea of looking old while feeling younger than my age. I already look in the mirror and cringe. I have to wear glasses (severe dry eye) and they age me. I look like a librarian. I have some loose skin under my chin and my eyes droop making me look sad and tired. I exercise to keep myself from going insane from boredom but also because it helps relieve anxiety and depression. I also like to keep my body looking younger and exercise does that. I am proud to say my body looks as good as it did in my twenties. Sometimes I can obsess over my diet, focusing on eating clean and reducing fatty and sweet food. I have been so fixated on diet that, in the past, I have stopped enjoying food entirely. I am not that way now and allow myself to eat pretty much anything I want, but it still bothers me if I eat too much of the wrong things. 

The dream asks me, “Is this what you want? Do you want to spend your life focused on something that, inevitably, will deteriorate and die regardless of how much you try to stop it?” The dream indicates I have created habits (rituals) around the maintenance of my body. It also shows how, if continued to extremes, those habits could become an obsession. Perhaps the thirst for blood, as mentioned in the dream, is actually a thirst for life? 

All this is because, prior to bed, I thought about giving up my job search and just continuing my routine, which involves working out, eating healthy and achieving a certain physique. I woke this morning thinking that I really don’t want to commute to work every day, report to the same location and have expectations placed upon me to perform a certain way. I don’t really want to be around people all day, either. lol Since I don’t have to work, it suits me just fine to focus on doing things that I enjoy. For example, keeping a dream journal, blogging, working out, being with my kids, walking my dog, etc. I struggle to motivate myself to return to a normal job in the normal way. It is just not appealing. Does that mean I am the “living dead”? IDK, maybe. I don’t feel like I am doing a lot of living in terms of interacting with and helping others. I don’t feel alive in that sense at all. In fact, most of the time I feel like I am just waiting to die, filling my time with distractions until I can finally be released from this physical reality and return Home.

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Dream: Save the White Kitten

This weekend I gave myself a couple of tarot readings on different days. I don’t have a pic or even the cards with me now, but the card “Power” came up twice as did “Third-Eye Chakra”, a card about partnerships, and one that was similar to the Empress card in traditional tarot. The message was that I have all the tools I need at my disposal for the journey ahead and, though difficulties may arise, I will meet each head-on, utilizing partnerships with others. 

One card indicated a past love might be rekindled, maybe not in the physical but via memories and reflection upon the past. This is interesting to me because I was thinking of my heart connection recently because of the dream I had. I also found my old tote with my school counseling stuff from my last job in it. During that time I had been in despair over the loss of my heart connection and struggling with my then-husband at home who was basically losing his mind at the time and taking it out on me. I came across small pieces of paper that I had written my thoughts on. If I recall correctly, I had been unable to post in my blog not only because of my crazy then-husband but also because I was at work from 7:15am – 4pm and could not find time to blog/journal. I found letters I had written to my heart connection as well as plans for the future and even made some predictions about what would happen in the future. One of those predictions was that I knew my then-husband would become more and more difficult and erratic over time. Oh boy, did he ever! It wasn’t all at once but enough that, over time, it was clear he was not a safe person for me to be around. 

Dream – Save the White Kitten

Speaking of my ex, I had an interesting dream that gave me some perspective. 

In the dream I was inside a house with my ex. He was asking me if I could buy him and someone else a white sweater. For some reason, I agreed, and began to search online for the sweater (warmth, protection, comfort). I ended up purchasing it and he was grateful. He approached me and I remember tensing up, not knowing his intentions and worrying he would blow up on me for rejecting his advances. Instead of making sexual advances, however, he laid his head on my lap. Recognizing he was seeking comfort, I relaxed and stroked his hair. I told him, “I’ve missed you.” 

The dream shifted. Still in the same house with my ex, I was looking at an unopened box (information/gifts yet unknown). My ex asked if I had returned the items inside it. I said I had and he pointed to it and said it looked like I hadn’t. I opened the box and saw it was full of wrapped up items. I picked one up but didn’t unwrap it. Instead, I placed it back inside the box. I was unsure what to do. I had returned the box yet it was still there, unopened and items undisturbed. Do I remove the items and use them or do I return them again? For some reason my sister (aspect of Self) was there with me and she seemed critical of my situation. I think she was asking me to just keep the items. 

Again, the scene shifted. I was inside the house and my ex had given me some food for a white kitten. The food was in two bags. One was cat food and the other a bag of white rice (success, new beginnings). The two were to be combined when feeding the kitten. When I went to feed the kitten the two were already combined. I saw the food floating in milk, looking somewhat like cereal (reminds me of OBE where I was told “Sometimes you want cereal”). I scooped it up in a bowl for the kitten. The kitten came to eat but a black tomcat came over and took over the food, hissing with hairs up on his back. I grabbed the black tomcat by the nape of the neck, took him to the door and tossed him out. When I tried to close the door I found it was broken and the entire side of the house was a wrought iron fence that was broken and rusted. Parts of the fence had fallen over and someone had tried to repair it with copper wire. I pulled the wire secure but a brown bear came at me from the other side and barreled over the fence, knocking it down. Panicking, I went for the kitten, grabbed it and its food and placed it up on a high cabinet where nothing could get to it. I looked at the house and saw the entire wall was a mess of wire and debris. It wasn’t going to keep anything out.

Reflection

I woke from this dream knowing the symbolism straight away. Cats are the Divine Feminine but can also be desire/sexual attraction. I think the white kitten represents me as the Divine Feminine but I am not yet fully mature. The black tomcat is my ex and is symbolic of his sexual aggression. I save the kitten from unsafe conditions – I saved myself from unsafe conditions. When I tossed the tomcat (my ex) he came back as a bear, which feels accurate to what happened in real life. He became someone I didn’t recognize, shifting into a very, scary and unsafe person. 

I also recognized how, had I left my ex ten years ago when I first brought up divorce, he would have been much, much worse than he was when divorce actually happened. Because I waited, he was the one with a new romance, not me (he thought I was leaving him for my heart connection at the time). I think he would have been much worse 10 years ago because of his jealous rages and the insanity of thinking his possession (me) was being taken from him. The amount of torture he put me through (emotional mostly) at that time would have escalated into potentially a very disastrous outcome. I believe he had the potential to cause me physical harm and would’ve had I proceeded to leave him as was my original intention. 

I’ve always thought I failed miserably not leaving back then, but now I think otherwise. I think I may have taken the wiser, safer path. I protected myself (the white kitten) the only way I knew how. At the time I had just opened up to my Divine Feminine (kitten) and was very vulnerable. Now I am stronger, the struggles of the last ten years with a man I knew could not handle losing me, helped me build strength I would not have had otherwise. I kept saying to myself, “I need him to be in agreement” before I push for divorce and it was accurate. It was not for monetary reasons like I told myself, though that was a bonus, but for safety reasons – spiritual reasons. I had to find my inner strength, create and enforce healthy boundaries for myself, and heal.  Though I don’t feel I have healed completely, I do feel stronger and more capable now than I did back then. My writings reminded me of just how vulnerable I was. 

The returned, unopened box in the dream could represent information, new data, that I previously “returned” or rejected for some reason. I think this box is full of gifts that I refused previously and now they have returned to be opened. I seem unsure about taking these gifts. In the dream I worry about getting in trouble for it, so perhaps I am worried the information in these gifts will cause problems for me. Or maybe the gift is revealed by the scene that follows? 

As for the sweater and comfort portion of the dream, I recognize that my ex’s behavior stemmed from his emotional immaturity and an inability to navigate the changes in our relationship in a mature way. He allowed his sexual frustrations to overwhelm him and used his physical size to intimidate and coerce me into doing what he wanted. This worked for a short while, but as I developed and maintained healthy boundaries for myself, explaining as often as I could what I needed and wanted, his tactics failed. His response was to double down on his efforts to the point that he began to verbally and physically harass me. The more he pushed, the more I pulled away. So his efforts backfired on him. All he wanted was to be comforted, his ego stroked and his sexual desires satiated. Thus, the dream showed him doing what he should have done but was unable to do for his lack of maturity and the rage he felt for being denied his carnal desires. 

I hope he has learned from his experience with me. I hope he has become more emotionally mature. Perhaps this new girlfriend has given him what he was seeking? Will he abuse his gift? Who knows.

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Dream: Meeting the Devil

Some dreams to report (haven’t had good recall lately).

Dream: Meeting the Devil

I dreamed I met with the devil and we had a talk. lol I don’t really remember much of the dream but when I woke I knew I had a heart-to-heart with the devil. I vaguely recall sitting across from a shadowy male figure and feeling a sense of shame. As I woke I heard, “It’s not your fault. Forgive yourself.” With this came an understanding that there is no right or wrong, just lessons. 

I feel my talk with the devil was actually a conversation with my shadow self – the part of me I would rather not acknowledge exists.

Dream: Return of the Dark Haired Man

Initially, I was in a room with my mom in an unfamiliar setting that seemed to be from the distant past. I was wearing a blue, fitted dress from perhaps the late 1800’s to early 1900’s. My mom had decided to take my sister somewhere and didn’t invite me. I was upset and asked her how she could intentionally forget to invite me. My feelings were hurt. Note: I’ve had similar dreams of my mom and sister suggesting past lives where my drug addicted sister was the “favorite” and I was invisible. This suggests this lifetime may be a reversal of that lifetime, perhaps to gain perspective.

The scene shifted and I was on a race track (fast track – guides mentioned this in previous dreams) like one would see at a school. I could see the dotted lines separating the individual lanes on the dark asphalt. I turned to look behind me and saw a young man with dark hair sitting in the bleachers. His knees were pulled up to his chest and he seemed to be wearing a hospital gown or robe. I could see his arms wrapped around his bare legs for comfort. I felt from him that he was in pain, emotional pain, from heartbreak and other similar life events. I felt immense love for him and resisted an urge to go up to him. I remember thinking, “He’s like me.” Then, as I stared at him he looked up at me and I thought, “I wonder if he feels the same (draw)?”

I turned away from the man and continued along the track. As I “ran” (don’t remember having legs), I ended up on this one-wheeled skateboard-type thing (hoverboard?). I remember flying along the track which then morphed into a room and other places. I think I was at a school (lessons to learn). I zoomed so fast around corners and objects I felt I might fall off the thing but never did. It was exhilarating.

The scene shifts and I find myself at a dock (departure point) standing solidly on my feet next to some people. There was activity and a large ship (collective journey, emotional) behind me, but I can’t recall the details now or the people. The dark haired young man approached me and I immediately felt drawn to him. Someone behind me made a comment and laughed. The comment was something like, “Oh no, there he is…..” It felt like they were making fun of me and my relationship with the man. The dark haired man stood there for a bit and I couldn’t help but inch closer and closer to him. The people there snickered, but I ignored them. I just had to be as close to him as possible. The draw was impossible to ignore. I remember thinking, “I just want to be near him.” 

Reflection

Of course, I woke after this, recognizing the familiar magnetic feeling. Was this young man the same dark haired man/boy from my past? If so, was it a sign that I needed to contact my heart connection? I can do that because we follow each other on Instagram, but should I? Or is this dream merely a sign that the “link” is being restored like I was told in yesterday’s dream? 

Oh, I guess I should recount yesterday’s dream for context – it was the tail end of a dream. I saw a figure above me reaching up. He said, “We have to restore the link”. It felt like a spiritual link of some kind but I woke soon after and got no further information.

Something interesting from the dream is the person laughing about a possible relationship between me and the dark haired man. When I first had dreams and OBEs with the darked haired man/boy I had similar encounters with people who seemed to find my draw to him, and him to me, hilarious. It always bothered me because, for me at least, the draw is exceptionally real and difficult to resist and the love is overwhelming. However, considering my first dream with the devil brought up shame, it could be they are laughing not at me but at the situation. The heart connection, for me, caused me to feel shame and guilt because, at the time, I was married with three young children. That is not the case now, though. So, perhaps the laughing was there to remind me of my shame.

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Safety is an Illusion

My guides were talking to me again last night. This time it came from me wondering about an off feeling I was having. I couldn’t put my finger on it and as my mind drifted to how my life had had fallen apart in such a short amount of time. The song “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down” was on my mind weeks prior, specifically the part, “But losing everything feels like the sun going down on me”. I wondered back then what I would lose, well I know now. 

Back during my heart connection days the same message came through but was with the house of cards symbolism repeating. Funny enough, the house of cards message recently reappeared. I also recently heard from my guidance, “Life is fragile”. I took from these reminders, along with others I will not mention now because of how numerous they are, that safety is an illusion and we build up our lives in a certain way so that it feels and appears safe. In this illusory safety we live out our lives happily unaware of just how easily it could all fall apart.

I am especially guilty of attempting to guarantee some sense of safety in my life. I struggle with uncertainty, but the reality is the only thing that is certain is death. The rest is akin to an imaginary safety net we alone are responsible for constructing.

All of these thoughts resulted in me recognizing how I created the exact situation I am experiencing now out of a desperate attempt to feel safe. I constructed my life, from my marriage to my job to my choice of friends and acquaintances, in an attempt to feel some semblance of safety. I lived a life that was not mine. I chose to become someone who fit into another’s life because that other seemed to have what I did not – safety, acceptance, purpose, love. I did this with all my relationships and it dictated the path I took in life and led me to exactly this place. A place of uncertainty and confusion brought on by the sudden implosion of everything my identity was build upon. 

Interesting enough, this path, the crumbling of my false self, was set in motion in 2016 but I chickened out and reverted to the only safety I’d ever known. The result was another ten years pretending I did the right thing even though my entire Being screamed otherwise. I opted to continue on despite the discomfort and that discomfort slowly turned into intolerance to the point of bitterness. I began to imagine my life as it is now. I didn’t recognize the potency of my intention at that time.

The loss was unbearable at first and the confusion extreme. This excerpt from the book, “While You are Healing” says it well:

the pure confusion
of loving someone who hurt you.
of wanting them to return to you,
but feeling relief when they don’t. 

But back to the conversation with my guidance…..

I had been thinking of how all those who I considered loved me, did not. All those who I considered family, never were. All those I considered friend turned on a dime. I recognized how none of this would have been so bad had I not chosen to alienate my Self for a sense of belonging and safety from a group I never once felt invited into. Instead, I attempted to invite myself. They only tolerated me because I was aligned with someone that was their family. When that someone rejected me, so too did they. 

I saw how this is my pattern. I heard, “How did that go?” The answer was me mentally rolling my eyes. I was asked if I had ever paved my own path. At first I thought I had not. No…but then I had. Prior to meeting my current husband I had. I was traveling a path I alone created. Doing what was best for me. I was working a full-time job, in the process of building my own house on family land, and, most importantly, actively following my life’s passion to help people via my psychic medium business. 

What had happened? Why did I stop? 

I met my second husband and slowly traded my identity for one more palatable to him and his family. I did this willingly. 

Why?

It was easier than following my own path. His path was safer because I could see it more clearly. My own path was cloudy and uncertain. I didn’t feel good enough nor was I brave enough to venture into the unknown. I had also tired of being alone. 

My guidance asked me how I felt when I followed my own path. Empowered. Successful. Excited. But also afraid and unsure of myself and extremely lonely. 

My guidance asked how I felt when I followed another’s path. Bitter, depressed, unhappy. But also secure and more certain. Although I wasn’t physically alone, I still felt alone.

My mind was taken to the present. Yesterday I applied to the local school district hoping to substitute teach or perhaps go back to school counseling. Why? I want the security of a job and to be closer to my children. 

But is this a decision made from Knowing that it is the right one? Or is it a decision made from a place of fear?

The second most definitely. 

Why choose it then?

Because the first is an unknown. I do not know what the right path is. It is cloudy and uncertain. I don’t like that. The other path is clear. I know what to expect and how it will play out. 

How has that worked out for you so far?

Mental eye roll again.

Perhaps it is time to be the leader of your own life rather than a follower of another’s?

I eventually accepted this message and fell asleep.

Dream: Circular Path

The dream began with me lounging around in my bed wearing pajamas, snacking and watching TV. I suddenly saw the time and knew I was super late to a wedding. The wedding was for three couples. I distinctly saw them in my mind as one from the past, one from the present and one from the future. 

I jumped up and began to ready myself, pulling on my formal attire and deciding not to bother with makeup or hair. I began to make my way to my car and realized I wouldn’t make it. I only had 4 minutes and the distance I had to travel was far. I decided to call and tell them I wasn’t coming. My mom answered. I apologized for my latelness and told her there was no way I could make it. She answered that everyone else was late, too, and they would wait for me. She was calm and loving in her response which eased my anxiety. 

As I reversed out of my driveway I went a bit too far. I recognized my mistake too late. It was muddy and I was likely to get stuck. Instead I felt an impact and was stopped by something that I imagined was a fence. I jumped out of the car to check the damage. Sure enough I had hit something and it was tall. It had busted out the back corner window. I noted the damage on my brand new car but shrugged it off as not being “that bad”. I got back in the car and attempted to drive. The car spun in circles and wouldn’t go straight. I got back out and flipped the car over to get to the tires. One back tire had a small, metal piece that was stuck. I unstuck it and spun the tire. It spun straight. I got back in and drove away.

I woke and immediately knew the symbolism. I was being shown my past and how I make the same decision, a decision to choose another’s path over my own, over and over again. The result it no movement forward on my own path. Instead I am stuck. In the dream I fix the tire and can finally go forward. So, I am aware now that I need to make different decisions and have the courage to follow my own path even though it is cloudy and uncertain. 

Safety is an illusion. The sooner I accept this, the better.

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Dream: Stuck in Elevator

This is the first time I’ve had a dream of being stuck inside an elevator. So much symbolism here.

I was outside walking and came across a male runner who was struggling to breathe. I reached out and touched him on the shoulder. He flinched and moved down away from my touch but not without wincing from some unknown pain. I asked him what was wrong. I don’t recall his response only that he eventually seemed to accept my help. A passerby joined me and we helped him hobble towards a building as he gasped for air. He reminded me of my ex in the dream, because he is a long-distance runner. The man’s build and energy also seemed to match but I can’t recall his face so IDK.

When we got to the it turned out to be a hotel. I went directly to the elevator, my destination the 5th floor. I don’t recall the runner man being with me at this time. A lady with children ran to the elevator as the doors were closing. I pushed the button that keeps the door open and reassured her she could come inside. The door tried to close on her and she withdrew. 

The doors closed but the elevator didn’t move. The people inside with me were confused as was I. I worried there was a malfunction. Would the elevator fall downward and kill us all? Were we trapped inside without a way out?

After a short while, someone pushed a button and the elevator lurched and began to travel up very fast but then backtracked and went down to the what I believe was the first floor. Then it lurched upward and stopped at what I thought was level 5. A woman and her friend were relieved when the doors opened and they rushed out. It was level 7, not 5. There was a map of the levels on the elevator wall and level 7 shouldn’t have even been accessible from the elevator. Level 5 was the top on its route. 

The elevator doors closed with the rest of us inside. I stayed because I thought, “Maybe it is working now?” It continued and took us down. I think it stopped on the ground floor. I opted to exit because the elevator shut down and needed repair.

When we got out, the group dispersed. I went to get a cup of coffee. My ex was at the buffet where the coffee and juice machines were. I remember distinctly how hotel-like it all was. I selected a small paper cup for my coffee but it was full of used coffee filters and trash. I pulled out the trashed cup and the rest were the same. I held it up to my ex and commented, “All the cups are dirty, I wonder if they have more.” As I looked around for an employee to assist, my ex sat a large cup of steaming hot coffee on the counter in front of me. It was at least five times the size of the cup I was seeking, way more coffee than I wanted. I turned my back on the large cup and my ex. The feeling I got was that I didn’t want what he had offered. I felt insulted. 

Considerations/Symbolism

Elevators represent consciousness with awareness going up as the elevator goes up and awareness going down as the elevator goes down. I think of the levels as the chakras in this case since the top floor was level 7 and there are 7 chakras. I wanted to go to the 5th level, throat chakra and communication. The elevator being stuck and its unpredictable behavior reflects the state of the people inside. The elevator went to 7 but I didn’t get off. Perhaps I am not seeking that kind of awareness right now? I end up getting off at the root chakra level, which is all about survival, feeling safe and stable in life. It is the foundation chakra. I get off on the 1st floor reluctantly, uncertain where the elevator will go if I do not and not wanting to end up stuck inside. 

The man running, if he is symbolic of my ex, is in distress. He can’t breathe. Is he feeling suffocated or is his struggling in some way I do not have knowledge of? Or perhaps this is his future and I am being shown he will need my help, though he will at first be unwilling to accept it because it causes him pain? This second seems more likely but it could be both. 

Later, my ex gives me coffee. Coffee is awareness. I am seeking it, just not in the amounts he gives me. I think his awareness gift is too much for me so in the dream I reject it. It may also be that I do not want to see his side of things as I am too caught up in my own struggles. What I want is full of trash and debris, indicating things that are distracting me from even a little awareness of the situation.

The symbolism of the hotel and elevator both represent transition, change and the temporary nature of certain life situations. Dreaming about hotels could be connected to feelings of uncertainty, impermanence, or being in a transitional phase life. It might also reflect experiences and feelings about temporary yet constantly changing environments.

Vision

I saw a large pot filled with gravely dirt. In the left corner, barely noticeable, was a tiny Venus flytrap. With it came the message, “Life is fragile.” 

I’ve never seen a Venus flytrap in a vision or dream so I had to look it up. 

  • Feeling trapped in a toxic relationship or job
  • Struggling to set boundaries with others
  • Dealing with a controlling or manipulative person
  • Suppressing your own desires or needs

The vision itself could be showing me that I need to take control and set boundaries or it may simply be showing me my anxieties. IF the vision is about me, anyway. I woke up thinking about my ex’s new relationship so it could be about him but maybe that is just what I want it to be.

Also, my first inclination was to focus on the Venus part. Venus is the planet of love and romantic relationships. The flytrap part is about enticement of prey in search of sustenance. Thus, I thought of my ex and tendency to obsess over whoever he has his romantic sights on. He is needy and hungry for “love” and will do whatever it takes to possess the individual he has his sights on. This can lead to the person his focus is on having their very life sucked out of them (energetically).

The message, “Life is fragile” seemed connected to just how small the plant was in comparison to the pot it was in. It has an ominous ring to it, or that is how I perceived the message.  

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Message: All it Takes is a Spark

I had a dream that was fairly long and detailed, though I can’t recall the conversations in it much. The man in it reminded me first of one person and then of another but I distinctly recall looking at his face and it was an oval, golden globe of moving light. He was also very tall, towering over me, and completely naked (I think I was, too). Funny enough, I can’t remember if his body was also made of light. lol

We were in a bedroom discussing my life and he was asking me questions, which I happily answered. I WISH I could remember the conversation! Anyway, I remember mentioning eating chicken breast and talking about how much I enjoyed keeping my body active and healthy. I was in a very good mood and super comfortable with him, laughing and talking a million miles a minute. He remained calm, listening intently, and told me how fascinated he was with me. He told me, “You’re amazing” or something close to that. I told him he was, too, and hugged him, wrapping my arms around his neck joyfully. We hugged a long time and I sensed from him sadness connected to a belief he wasn’t good enough. Recognizing myself in him, I began to kiss him on his neck to reassure him that he was and always will be enough. He put his hand on my back and stroked my shoulder lovingly. I could feel from him that he had genuine love and appreciation for all that I am.  His touch sent chills down my spine, spreading into my root and expanding outward. The energy of it woke me. 

I was immediately upset that I woke from the dream. Why must I always wake up when it starts getting good!? A male guide was close, reassuring me. He told me what I experienced in the dream was a good thing and asked me why I avoided it. I told him I felt it led to bad things and I prefer to not experience pain, hurt, and disappointment. I was recalling the two Kundalini connections I’ve had and how they both led to disappointment and immense pain, the first much more than the second. I was reminded that what I felt was the energy of creation. To feel it is to feel ALIVE. I agreed and would love to feel it again, but not if it isn’t consistent and no lasting relationship comes of it. My experiences with it have made me very wary of K connections. Yet, I wish to totally lose myself to another, to come into complete Union. I don’t understand it.

I’ve only seen a golden man like in this dream one other time and it was also tied to the Kundalini. He was teaching me. I think he said he was my “tantra teacher”. At the time, though, I just saw him in the corner of the room, standing and looking back at me. The sight of him woke me immediately because it was so unusual. This time seeing him like that didn’t cause any reaction, I just remembered it vividly when I woke. The most vivid part is how the golden energy moved, little tiny sparks of light like golden fireflies trapped in a jar.

My guide told me, “All it takes is a spark”. Then I was shown a vision of how my energy body would slowly catch fire and not long after be engulfed in flames. I didn’t reject this at all as it seems it is always some catalyst that creates this response in me. I tend to have no control over who does it or when it happens. It takes me by complete surprise. 

It felt like my guide was showing me a glimpse of my future. If so, I’m not totally against it happening but it needs to be correct for me. I’m not looking for marriage or a traditional relationship. I don’t even think a live-in situation would work for me. I can’t deal with expectation weighing me down. I don’t want to deal with another man child, or be constantly pursued for sex, as if that is my only value. Above all, though, I need to feel absolutely safe with whoever it is.

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Multiple OBEs, Energy Surge and Boss Baby

Woke at around 4am with thoughts about lots of things that have been bothering me. Most are piddly things; things I should not be wasting my energy on. So, I spent quite a while tossing and turning while attempting to quiet my mind by focusing on my breath in mindfulness meditation. I would do well for a bit and then fall back into the trap of thinking.

At one point I achieved a fully relaxed state. Recognizing this meant I could sleep, I asked to go OOB. I heard back, “Where would you go?” I randomly said, “To see my mom.” lol 

Not long after this I began hearing noises-off and recognized I could exit my body. I exited the first time and made it halfway down my stairs when my throat felt scratchy. When I attempted to clear it I popped back into my physical body. I re-exited almost immediately, this time making it to down the stairs but with my blanket wrapped around my feet. I tried to make it vanish with a thought but ultimately was brought back to my body. Round three – again there was a scratchy sensation in my throat. I automatically attempted to clear it and went back to my body. 

Each exit I had full vision and all astral body senses but little annoyances kept stopping my progress. I believe this was symbolic of the little annoyances of life that had been keeping my mind active and interrupting my sleep. I also find it interesting that twice my throat was scratchy. I believe this is indicative of a block in that area, which I am prone to at times. One of the issues bothering me was not being able to communicate several times the previous day.

Still, I persisted since I was still in the vibrational state (very subtle) and kept hearing noises-off. Every exit was pretty seamless, though the first few (above) were slower and more cumbersome. I rolled out, popped out and floated out of my body with each new exit. Note: I was exiting and returning frequently because I seemed unable to maintain each trip for very long. 

In one more memorable exit, I made it downstairs, saw my ex and my children, and made it to the living room near the front door. There I went to sleep (ha!) and then was awakened by noises-off and my ex furiously cleaning and making a ruckus over how dirty to house was. I realized it was nonsense and exited my body from that point and went out the door, my ex still complaining behind me.

OBE: Model-T

When I went outside, my dog tried to go with me and I initially stopped him, but, remembering it was a dream, I allowed him out saying, “Oh who cares!”. He ran out and I stopped at the step because there was a black Model-T parked in the driveway. I laughed and said aloud, “That’s a Model-T!” Then I turned and looked around the neighborhood noticing all the parked cars were also Model-T’s. Additionally, there was a nice, thick blanket of snow on the ground despite the Spring like feel outside. The neighborhood was also unfamiliar, reminding me of somewhere in New England. I began to float up to fly around but paused to grab some snow and went back to my physical body.

OBE: Group of Girls

I immediately exited my body. I recall random kitchen chairs (wooden type) lying on the floor in the hallway. I picked one up and tossed it down the stairs in front of me as I flew down. I went straight for the door and outside. Again it was the same New England-like neighborhood. This time there was no snow or Model-T’s. A group of children were sitting outside. It was Fall as I could see colorful leaves littering the ground. I flew up and one girl pointed and went, “Wow! She’s flying!” I went upward quickly as if getting sucked up and was able to refocus and float back down. A girl came up, arms spread wide, asking, “Can you take me up with you?” I said, “Of course!” and grabbed her in my arms and took her to the treetops. I could see the other girls looking up at us from below, all their faces lit up with smiles.

OBE: Energy Surge

Again, back to my body but it was more gradual. It was more like a shift because I closed my eyes and lost all vision but I could still feel I was OOB. For some reason I got creative and created a vast warm ocean full of exotic and alien marine life. I never saw it visually, just mentally, as my eyes were closed. I could feel it, though, as I did a backstroke. Not only did I feel the water and the buoyancy of it, but I could see colors streaking through it despite my eyes being closed (the colors were bright). It was like the water was every color of the rainbow at varying times. Eventually, I just floated there soaking up the sensations and colors, allowing myself to be soothed and blanketed in the water’s warmth.

Then, suddenly, the vibrations, very subtle and almost unnoticeable up until this point, went into overdrive. It felt like a lightening surge of energy rushed into me. It began at my middle back and spread to my entire astral body. I could feel my astral body lurch upward in an arch. My eyes were forced open and I had instant, ultra clear vision of the space. My eyes felt strange, like I had beams of energy pouring out of them. I wish I could’ve seen my astral body at that time! I bet it was spectacular. 

My vision revealed I was lying in a bed that was not mine in an unfamiliar bedroom. It was very light colored and sparsely furnished. I honestly don’t recall too much about it because I was in shock from the incredible energy that was coursing through me.

OBE: Boss Baby

With eyes still forced wide open by the energy, music began to fill my mind. It was not a song I’d ever heard but it was a complete song – instruments, vocals and everything. The main words were, “Freedom!” lol And something about the song seemed to propel me up and out of the bed, down the stairs and out the front door. The entire time I am attempting to sing along but I don’t know the words so I’m a second or two behind them. Mostly I just remember repeating that I was free, that freedom was possible, etc. 

Outside it was the same as before – a New England neighborhood – but this time there was a courtyard in the middle of a roundabout with people lounging on chairs in groups of two or three. I was soaring in the air and the people outside looked up with astonished faces and pointed. I specifically recall a black woman sitting in a chair having coffee for some reason. I also saw a man sitting on a raised, circular, concrete platform smoking a cigarette, his back to me. I remember singing “Freedom!” as I flew over to him. What is really curious is he instantly morphed into a chubby baby wearing a diaper (think Boss Baby). The cigarette was still in his mouth nearly burned down to his lips. I noted it and didn’t react because 1. it was a dream and 2. I was enjoying myself thoroughly. Later, the image of the cigarette about to burn his mouth stayed with me.

I returned to my body and had a few other small, insignificant OBEs, mostly in my house hearing noise-off, going to explore, etc. They were all cut short by my mind trying to hang onto the memory of the more significant previous OBEs.

I never once even thought about visiting my mom. LOL I recognized why, though. I was not in any shape to visit someone linked to so many emotional memories. I needed my OBEs for an energy attunement (that’s what I feel I got anyway). 

I woke feeling rested, relaxed and grateful. Also, when I started to thank my guidance I stopped short recognizing I should be thanking myself. It was me, after all, who had accomplished it all. It was all me.

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Kundalini Dream: Self-Directed Flow

I was standing in the center of a garden courtyard of what appeared to be an ancient temple or castle. There were others around, mostly standing near the edges of my vision and out of sight. I was wearing a long, flowing, white gown or robe. The events prior to this part of the dream are extremely hazy. All I recall is there was some discussion of “fence cutting” and interaction with a few others, one being a young boy with light brown hair wearing a huge grin.

Feet solidly grounded on the earth, I held my hands up, spread my fingers wide and began to use my hands to summon energy up from my feet into my legs, hips and on upward. I remember feeling powerful and confident as I did this, as if I had done it a million times before. The sense was that I was a priestess or someone with similar spiritual training. As the energy moved upward it grew in intensity, ballooning outward as it spread. When the energy hit my root and second chakras it exploded to the point that I became super conscious in the dream. Unfortunately, the intensity mixed with sudden awareness (which surprised me) instantly transported me back to my bed and my physical body where the residual energy lingered for quite some time. 

I couldn’t return to sleep from the excitement I felt. I have never had a K dream in which I was the one who initiated the K in myself. Normally someone else is helping me or interacting with me, seeming to be the initiator of the energy. Not only that, but I was aware of being fully in control and felt powerful and confident about it. It is quite a different feeling than when I am with another or when another seems to be helping move the energy for me.

It was obvious the energy was mine, or me, or however you prefer it. It was very clear and refreshing, like the sense one gets after a Spring rain, flowing and cleansing as it progressed upward. Yet at the same time the desirous sensations that often arise with root chakra were very obviously present, but not in such a way as to make me feel the effect of them.

It is easy to think with the K that someone else is somehow sparking the K fire inside me. Especially since most of my K experiences were in conjunction with someone who I felt a connection to I couldn’t quite explain. This K experience felt empowering and freeing. Even though it did not fully rise, as it has in other instances, I am not disappointed. It felt like it may have burst through a blockage in my second chakra also, which is always welcome! 

I do hope to have more experiences like this one. 🙂

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Dream: Mensa

I was in a room with others sitting at a long table. It was somewhat cramped and there was a sense of anticipation, similar to the feeling one gets before the first day of school. 

It was soon made clear we were there to choose our classes for the upcoming school year. I was a bit discourage because I knew I had already graduated – long ago. Still, I listened, considering how it may be useful and help me relieve boredom. They asked me if I wanted to take regular or advances classes. I said, “I will get bored in a regular class…but then I will also get bored in an advanced one.” Sighing, I finally opted to go with the advances courses because the regular ones would be way to slow for me.

I received my class schedule. I saw my first three classes: Algebra, Biology and History. I was not excited about Biology because of my previous experiences. I took my schedule and started off to class. 

The school was enormous! It had a massive central area with stairs going up and down in all directions and there was a massive skylight overhead. There were hundreds of students with backpacks and bags hurrying to their respective classes. I had a guide with me, an older woman with blonde, gray-tinged hair she wore short. I gave her my schedule and pointed to the room number which was a range rather than a number. I just remember the “800”. She said, “That’s downstairs, two flights.” We walked toward the stairs but then stopped at a cafe. She left me there and I waited for her to return. For some reason I chewed on my schedule so that when it was unreadable. I remember pulling it out when she returned and attempting to unfold it. Pieces fell to the ground. It reminded me of how paper looks after it has been laundered.

Then we were downstairs. The women led me to the door of a classroom. She bid me farewell and left me there standing in line with other students. I soon realized it was not the right classroom but without my schedule I couldn’t be 100% sure. I began to look around wondering where I needed to go and thinking it didn’t really matter. I could just skip school and do my own thing being I already graduated. 

A tall, slender man approached and told me I had been selected to be a part of a special group of students. He led me to a room where there were other students. I thought the group was called mensa but when I spoke the word aloud he corrected me on the name but I can’t recall now what he corrected it to. He explained to me and the group that we were selected for our abilities. We all followed him up a staircase as he explained further but he stopped mid-step and touched his neck. I knew he was in pain and instinctively went up to him and placed my hand on his neck as if in pain. I asked permission to heal him and so did. He thanked me and told the others that they all had similar abilities, thus the invitation to the group. Some of the others looked doubtful. I told them I’d had my gifts from birth but forgot about them when school aged. Maybe they also forgot?

The end of the dream is hazy. I remember going into a room with the others and stopping myself from saying certain things, things that would reveal I had already graduated. I didn’t want the others to know. At the end, an alarm went off so that we all had to leave quickly. 

Considerations

I think the dream is in response to my thoughts when I woke briefly in the night. I was disappointed at having no dream recall and felt somewhat depressed, missing the days when information was often passed onto me via my dreams. 

The dream theme of returning to school after already graduating is a common one for me. I haven’t had a school themed dream in a while. This one is promising I think. 

The word mensa is curious here. Mensa is an organization of high IQ people but the word itself means “flat” or “table” such as “a central alter or table”. It is also the name of a constellation. It could be that I was thinking of this word in relation to my being in my last learning stage of life but I really don’t know.

The part about me hiding my previous graduation from the others is likely a reflection of how I tend to hide my true self from others. I keep my guard up and don’t let anyone get too close. I’ve embarrassed myself one too many times.

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Dream: Alaska

Vivid dreams again. 

The first dream was of me and my best friend from HS. We were walking outside at night and she was being like she was in HS – very dismissive. I was telling her that I liked how she was when she was dating her boyfriend and also how she use to make up stories and songs, etc. She replied nastily that she hated when she was like that. 

What I recall the most was how I was trying to persuade her to still be that person and, as a result, my friend. 

I don’t remember much else from that dream.

Dream: Alaska

I was sitting at a long, rectangular table with others (my council). Somehow I knew I was in Alaska (cold, desolate, isolated). The people with me appeared to be native Alaskans (teachers), all except me. One of them asked me if I would be interested in teaching in Alaska at their school. I said only if I got to leave when it got cold and the long, dark days took over. In my mind I was thinking the month of October.

A woman approached me to serve me some food. She had a casserole dish with what reminded me of enchiladas except the enchiladas were twice the size they should be. I asked what it was and she said “grubs” (negative thoughts/emotion/experience). Carefully inspecting the large, stuffed, white, tubular grubs, I was immediately grossed out and politely told her I didn’t eat such things. There was another dish that was obviously some kind of shredded beef (happy times) and I pointed to it saying I could eat that.

They told me the class they wanted me to teach was economics. I thought about it and was uncertain if I should teach a class I’ve never taught. I was asked about my financial situation. I told them it was not an issue and “much better than last time”, which I felt relief in saying. They seemed happy to hear this. I remember being very thoughtful about the situation of becoming a teacher in Alaska. I had thoughts of the last time I was there and considered living through the harsh winter again because it suddenly seemed not so bad in hindsight.

Finally, I noticed everyone looking in my direction, their plates empty. Then a fork full of food was shoved in my face. I pushed it away. Then they all began to shove forks full of food into my mouth. I stood up and said, “I can’t eat that much! Look at me.” They looked as I turned sideways for them to see. “I’m skinny. I can’t digest that much all at once.” The forks of food stopped and their faces showed understanding.

This is where the dream ended. 

Considerations

When I woke I lingered, my thoughts immediately going to the dream with my friend from HS. Many memories of how she treated me came forward. These memories have come forward to inspect many times before. I was able to see just how shocked I really was by the mistreatment. She was very dismissive and at times even mocked me in front of her groupies while I responded without upset as if deserving of her mistreatment. I realized, after all the memories had passed, that she didn’t have the courage to just tell me she didn’t want to be friends anymore. Instead, she chose to mistreat me and hopefully I would get the message. I only got the message after we graduated and she dissed me at the college we both decided to attend together. By that point it was crystal clear she wanted nothing to do with me.

I was able to observe enough through the memories to realize that she was the last person I had actually been myself with, fully vulnerable and open. After her mistreatment, I withdrew into myself, constructing walls around myself to protect myself from harm. 

I was also able to see that my effect upon people, then and even now, caused major discomfort. Why? Because I can see straight into their very Being (Projector) and most are not comfortable with themselves, much less someone who can see the very flaws they are trying to hide. It is a select few who can accept me – thus, accept themselves. 

The feeling when this happens is hard to describe but I touched upon it with each memory of rejection. I feel uncomfortable (their discomfort), and awkward (their awkwardness) and then want to retreat as far as I can away from them (they want to get away from me). Other times I feel upset or anger – the emotion varies depending on the person. My almost completely open design (HD) causes me to mistakenly think that what I am feeling is all me. It isn’t. It is them. Their rejection is a rejection of themselves. 

I tried to return to sleep, but couldn’t. I had become upset by all the memories, especially the rejection by my friend from HS. I know now why I didn’t get angry or vengeful or bitter when she rejected me. I knew her treatment of me was a reflection of her own inner struggle and I loved her enough to allow her to go through it, even if it meant I would be hurt in the end. She confirmed my Knowing in an apology to me much later, when in our twenties. 

The most upsetting was thinking just how seldom I meet someone and feel completely comfortable and at ease. It is extremely rare. I began to cry considering how difficult it has been to have that effect on people. Now that I am older, I no longer try to hide what I see inside people. I just let it show all over my face and reject them before they can reject me. I carry with me the message “leave me alone” and it is purposeful. I would rather just….not.

With this, my guidance sent me a vision. It was complete darkness and at the very end, as if a tunnel, was a tiny, extremely bright, white light. I heard, “Look for the light.” I knew this was a suggestion that instead of being overwhelmed by the darkness of the people I encounter to look for their light. They all have it. This is how I use to be, back before this world turned me cynical and bitter. 

Or it could be a message to look for the light in general.

As for the Alaska dream, I think it is symbolic of the time I actually lived in Alaska and the dark, cold winters I hated while there. It was pretty bad and the only time I actually really considered suicide. Like another recent dream, there was a rectangular table which I’ve come to recognize as my council. If my council is around it means a critical situation is at hand. The grubs for food are symbolic of some issue or negative emotion(s) I am rejecting. Me teaching is likely my council reminding me of lessons I have or have had. Economics is probably symbolic of my financial state and a lesson to be learned there as well. The force feeding could be that I feel overwhelmed. As a result, I ask for more time to “digest”. 

The shredded beef dish in the meal symbolizes positive thoughts and dreams, happiness and contentedness. Of course, who wouldn’t want that to eat?